Remington Steele (1982) s01e08 Episode Script

Your Steele the One For Me

I wanna know who murdered my brother! Kenji Ito was not murdered.
[Grunts] On the other hand, one mustn't jump to conclusions.
Then who claimed Kenji's body from the authorities? Hamada.
- Steele.
! - [Speaking Japanese] Bring me the Palace of Heaven within 24 hours and I will release Mike.
- Get out while you still can.
- Is that a threat, Major? Aaah! Aaah! I'm afraid to admit it this far along, but I think we're in the wrong movie.
[Laura] Try this for a deep, dark secret The great detective Remington Steele? He doesn't exist.
I invented him.
Follow I always loved excitement.
So I studied and apprenticed and put my name on an office.
But absolutely nobody knocked down my door.
A female private investigator seemed so feminine.
So I invented a superior.
A decidedly masculine superior.
Suddenly, there were cases around the block.
It was working like a charm.
Until the day he walked in with his blue eyes and mysterious past.
And before I knew it he assumed Remington Steele's identity.
Now I do the work, and he takes the bows.
It's a dangerous way to live but as long as people buy it, I can get thejob done.
We never mix business with pleasure.
Well, almost never.
I don't even know his real name.
¢Ü¢Ü [All Singing In Japanese] I'm so sorry.
It doesn't make any sense.
It can't make sense.
[Bell Ringing] [Ringing] ¢Ü¢Û¢Ü¢Û[Men Singing In Japanese] Mike, if there's anything else I can do Just wait here.
Laura, what can I say? I came just as soon as I heard.
Tell me.
Was it someone very close to you? - What are you doing here? - A hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on.
Whatever I can give.
You mustn't try and block your feelings.
They're not my feelings.
Aren't you supposed to be at a chamber of commerce luncheon right now? A man can only doodle on his napkin for so long, Laura.
And the speeches were boring me to death.
- Oh.
- It's all right.
Anyway, I called Bernice, and she muttered something about a funeral.
- I naturally assumed - Oh, naturally.
[Speaking Japanese] His brother from Japan called to say he was at the airport.
- But when Mike went to pick him up, he was gone.
- And we agreed to look into it.
I told him I thought the police would probably be his best bet but he sounded so worried, I thought the least I could do was make a few calls.
- And? - I found him.
[Steele] I see.
Hit by a car.
According to the report, he didn't wait for the light and tried to run across the traffic on Temple Street.
Jaywalking claims another grim prize, eh? I'm afraid that's all there is to it.
I wanna know who murdered my brother! Then again, on the other hand, one mustn't jump to conclusions.
! Mike, hold on.
Mike, what are you talking about? Maybe you don't have a brother who sent you money ever since you were 10 who set you up in business who'd drop his job and come running from Japan whenever you called.
I know this must be very difficult He didn't even tell me he was planning a trip! Then he disappears at the airport.
And then he's dead.
But there's absolutely nothing to suggest that he was murdered.
Look, you don't want to take the case, I'll find somebody to do it.
- Or I'll do it myself! - Ah, just hold on there.
You've just had a terrible shock.
You're hurt, outraged, desperately trying to find a way to fight back.
- Am I right? - Who are you? Go on, Miss Holt.
Tell him who I am.
Mike Ito, this is Remington Steele himself.
So? So, I'm personally gonna review all the facts myself.
But I won't get very far with you crashing about, will I? I just want to know what happened.
And so you shall.
So you shall.
But let's say we all go someplace quiet and give your grief a run for its money, eh? - Thanks, but I think I'd rather be alone just now.
- Okay.
- Are you sure? - Thanks.
Now, you call us.
Well, you did it to me again, didn't you? I did? You come barging in with no facts, no idea what's going on and then you have the nerve to just take over.
Laura, the man was distraught.
I know he was distraught.
I can handle distraught.
I once had to convince a drug-crazed killer I was the Virgin of Guadalupe over the phone.
I know all about distraught.
He wanted to speak to the Virgin of Guadalupe? I see you two found each other all right.
The worst part of it is you left poor Mike thinking we're really going to dig into this thing now.
I merely said we'd go over the facts.
Just a way to say that the cat's on the roof, and we can't get her down.
- What? - Break it to him gently.
There were these two brothers one of whom had a cat he dearly loved.
One day he decides to go away on holiday and leaves the cat with his brother.
A few days later the brother phones to check on the cat.
His name was John.
That doesn't matter.
He said, "John, I was outside polishing my car.
- The cat was up on the roof" That was called Sidney, I think.
- Am I interrupting here? - As a matter of fact, you are.
- What is it, Murph? A copy of the police report on the Kenji Ito accident.
But it's very C&D.
C&D? What's that? Complex and delicate? Cut and dried.
Don't you have a chamber of commerce luncheon or something to go to? He ran out of doodles.
Before we sling any more mud at the wall, my dear you might recall that I didn't invent Remington Steele as your superior you did.
That was before I knew he was going to walk and talk.
And what exactly makes you think that being a flashy front man is exactly the cat's meow? Oh, we're back to the cat now, are we? Bouncing around the rubber-chicken circuit glad-handing a lot of old windbags in order to keep this agency's name in circulation.
- Somebody's got to do it.
- Not to mention being shot at from time to time.
Or bashed about by people because they think that I know something that you have conveniently forgotten to tell me.
You function best in a purely advisory capacity.
! That makes me sound more like an invalid, not a detective.
- Because you're not a detective.
- Then teach me.
You're not serious.
Does this look like the face of a whimsical man? - But - But.
But, but.
But, but, but.
But what? Why don't you share your invaluable training, your years of experience the trained eye of the professional seasoned in the field? - Well, I never thought that you - Well, I do.
Then perhaps when our next case comes up, we'll discuss it further.
But we have a case, remember? The accident, hyphen, murder of Kenji Ito.
- Kenji Ito was not murdered.
- Then it's perfect.
A routine investigation done simply to ease the doubts of a grief-stricken man.
What could possibly go wrong? - I'd like to think about that for a while.
- What for? Afraid that I might learn the ropes and climb up them myself? Get out your notebook.
To begin with, one must first go over all the known facts and see if they present any troubling questions.
- Right.
[Clears Throat] - For insta You know, I only meant "Get out your notebook" as a figure of speech.
No, no, no.
Excellent suggestion.
Wouldn't want to miss anything.
Now, as you were saying, "For instance" If Mike was Kenji's only relative in town and he didn't know about the accident until today then who claimed Kenji's body from the authorities? "Who claimed Kenji's body?" And who arranged for the funeral? "Who arranged for the funeral?" - And what were those other people doing there this morning? - What other people? Before you came, three people paid their respects and then left.
But I'm sure they weren't together, and none of them seemed to know Mike at all.
The way you can make a routine case just come alive with mysteries.
Well, perhaps the driver of the car that hit him can tell us something.
I think this is it.
- What's this driver's name again? - Hamada.
- Ah.
- Now for the purposes of demonstration The reins are entirely in your hands.
I'll merely stand back and observe.
Thank you.
- Mr.
Hamada? - [Door Opens] This is Miss Crenshaw from the Renfro Insurance Company.
- [Door Opens] - [Knocking] Mr.
Hamada? Hmm.
No luck.
Maybe we should break in and have a look around.
Speaking purely as an observer I don't think that would be our wisest move.
Excuse me, but I'm looking for Mr.
Hamada here.
Excuse me.
I was wondering if you could help me.
I'm looking Should I be taking notes, do you think? - That won't be necessary.
- Ah.
Just turn as if we're about to leave.
- Like this? - Mm-hmm.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for Mr.
I was wondering if you could help me.
[Speaking Japanese] The man in that room down there.
I need to talk to him about a car accident.
[Imitates Car Crash] [Japanese] - Car accident.
He was - Miss Holt.
Miss Holt, may I say Excuse me.
I think I'm getting somewhere with this.
- Oh.
- Please, please.
Uh, a car accident.
[Woman Speaking Japanese] Really.
You don't say.
When was this? I see.
I see.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I got something about a big man with white hair - but Hamada himself was a dead end.
- Very much so, I'm afraid.
You really enjoyed that, didn't you? On my word as a gentleman, Laura I never asked that little man to tell me where Hamada was.
Watching me beat myself cross-eyed against the language barrier.
On the contrary.
I thought you handled the situation brilliantly.
After all, we got who we're after, and I learned something in the bargain.
Really? What was that? - You're an absolute pip at charades.
- Ah.
What happened to him? Uh, what? Sorry.
- What exactly did Mr.
Hamada - Uh Broken neck.
Refrigerator door caught him at a bad angle.
This sort of thing happen very often? You want details, you gotta ask the coroner.
The other day a Kenji Ito was brought here and claimed for burial.
I was wondering if you could tell me who took him.
Two stiffs in two day You guys are really into this stuff, huh? - Just a hobby.
- Uh, Ito.
Must've gone out on the night shift.
Dickerson'd be the man you want on that.
Would you please ask him to call us when he comes in? Uh, you know I got a lady mud wrestler you could have a look at.
- Fresh.
- No, thank you.
Please just have Mr.
Dickerson call us.
Your hobby.
First Kenji Ito, and then the driver that supposedly hit him.
- Hardly C&D.
- More like an E&F.
- E&F? - Enigmatic and frightening.
[Chattering] He still seems very upset so let's not say we suspect anything just yet.
Whatever you think best, Laura.
My looking over your shoulder isn't making you nervous, I hope.
No, no, no.
Watching all this sushi go by just makes me hungry.
- Ah.
Raw fish, isn't it? - You've never tried it? Yes, well, one has to save some experiences for later in life.
But I would have thought a man of your culinary breadth Well, it always seemed so desperate to me rushing all that raw fish into my mouth when a few turns over the coals could have done us both a world of good.
What the hell is this supposed to mean? - We were hoping you could tell us.
- [Speaking Japanese] I ask you to find out who killed my brother, and instead you run a check on him? Just standard procedure.
Eh, Miss Holt? When you told us you didn't expect a visit from your brother now we thought maybe somebody in his company, Nambu Printing might be able to tell us why he came to the States so suddenly.
But according to this, there is no such company.
And he doesn't seem to work for any other printing concern that we could find.
Then where did he get the money for me to start this place? What's going on here? I'm afraid the cat's on the roof, and we can't get her down.
- What? - Well, you see, Mike there were these two brothers, one of whom had a cat he loved dearly.
He decides to go away on holiday, and he leaves the cat with his brother [Laura] What Mr.
Steele is trying to say is that the driver of the car who hit Kenji was killed yesterday in a very suspicious accident.
Are you certain you've told us everything? Wait a minute.
You're not accusing me now? Of course we aren't.
Are we? It's just that we think whoever claimed the body and paid for the funeral must know something.
Now you're certain you never saw any of those people before who were at the funeral? I already told you that.
Have I got it backwards, Steele, or aren't I paying you to come up with the answers? That is the general arrangement.
Well, when you come up with something on Kenji that makes sense, I'll listen.
Otherwise I've got a business here to run.
[Speaking Japanese] Hardly seems fair, does it? - What's that? - You holding the reins, me taking the whip.
I think I'm gonna call the office.
- [Sighs] - [Door Opens] Sorry.
It's out of order.
In that case, thanks for saving me the dime.
- You remember me? - Kenji Ito's funeral, wasn't it? Although there was such a crowd there I might be mistaken.
- No mistake, Miss Holt.
- Naming names, are we? Did you bring yours along, or do I have to go looking for it? "Craddock, Winslow.
Special Intelligence.
" - How do I know that's genuine? - Use your dime.
Well, you obviously wanted to see me.
I had that little gunrunning flea Kenji tight between my fingers.
And I only let him go because I knew it would lead to the Palace of Heaven.
His death doesn't change that.
It's still mine.
Palace of Heaven What's that? Come on.
Stupid doesn't suit you, Holt.
Just give it to me, and get out while you still can.
You trying to tell me this ladies' room isn't big enough for the both of us? I don't like to see civilians get hurt.
- Is that a threat, Major? - Consider yourself lucky.
LfTenaka had found you first he'd take a finger and then turn nasty.
Dwell on it.
So far Major Craddock checks out.
But you're gonna have to narrow the Palace of Heaven down for me.
I mean, are we talking priceless jade statue, Shanghai bordellos? What? - Wish I could tell you.
- The name seems to ring a gong.
And we're billing this all to an open-and-shut traffic accident.
Correct? It's developed a little from that.
E&F at last reading, I believe.
- Or a Q.
- Too soon to tell.
? "Question witnesses, yank answers"? - "Quit while you're alive.
" - Oh.
I mean it, Laura.
I don't like this one.
- Two accidental murders, Army Intelligence.
- And the Palace of Heaven.
What about our responsibility to the client? Refer him to the advice column in Soldier of Fortune magazine.
We can't do that not until we've made some sense of this.
- Or found the movie.
- What movie? That's the question, isn't it? Are we looking here at Enter the Dragon with Bruce Lee on the trail of illicit narcotics? Craddock did call Kenji a gunrunner.
- Aha! The Yakuza.
- The Yakuza? - Robert Mitchum, Brian Keith? - Exactly.
Warner Brothers.
Japanese word for "gangster.
" Ruthless code of honor.
Where do you find these films? Drop the case, Laura.
The only way to apologize to these guys is to chop off your pinky and hand it over in a handkerchief.
This isn't getting us anywhere.
Movie had the same problem.
Watched it half a dozen times, still couldn't make head nor tail of the plot.
The Palace of Heaven I wonder if there might be Who are you calling? The morgue.
We haven't heard from Dickerson and I still have to know who picked up Kenji's body.
But this is my office.
No problem.
I'll use the phone outside.
[Clears Throat] Hello.
Information? Uh, what city? I'm not sure really.
It's just that the Palace of Heaven sounds very familiar to me, and I was wondering if you could tell me why.
What did you say? [Yells] [Men Yelling] [Grunts] [Yelling Continues] [Man Speaking Japanese] [Japanese] [Japanese] [Man Yelling] [All Yelling] [Yelling Continues] [Man In Film Speaking Japanese] [Men Yelling] [Man In Film Speaking Japanese] [Yells] - Murphy.
- You? - I think it's time we let go of each other, don't you? - What are you doing here? - Working on a case.
- I mean the real reason! It certainly wasn't to be pummeled about the head and neck by you! Somebody followed me down here.
- It looked the other way round from where I sat.
- I got a good description of the girl at the funeral from Laura.
I caught up with her an hour ago, and I followed her here! You located an Oriental girl down here from only Laura's description? - You know, some of us do this for a living.
- I'll try and remember that.
As it happens, I also remember that the name of this theater was the Palace of Heaven.
- So? - Kenji was murdered for something called the Palace of Heaven.
Since when has this meant so much to you? Since I assumed the mantle of Remington Steele.
"The mantle of Remington Steele"? I realized he's more than one man, Murphy.
He's a team.
You, Laura, Bernice and me, of course.
We're all part of that team.
We're all Remington Steele.
Together, who could stop us? Now, I say we go after that girl and see what she can tell us.
Oh, I don't know.
She's long gone.
- I think I'll, uh, call in.
- All right.
You know, for just a moment there I had the feeling that, uh, we Yes? Oh, no.
- [Click] - I can't run anymore.
I'm a little short of breath myself.
- I know you've been following me.
- Well, actually Don't lie to me.
I know I am a dead woman.
My mother told me: To love a yakuza is to wish for an early grave.
- So, it's true.
Kenji was yakuza.
- Don't come any closer! With all due respect to your mother, I'm not trying to harm you.
Kenji's death was a complete surprise to me.
Caught his brother off guard as well.
- His brother? - You didn't know about him? - This is some trick.
- His name's Mike.
He owns a restaurant down on Tower Street.
At the funeral.
The man who came and sat in the back row.
He That was Mike.
I take it you were there as well.
- I arranged for it.
- I see.
So you must have claimed the body too.
- Yes.
- I really think we're making progress here.
Now, tell me.
This Palace of Heaven, what exactly The Palace of Heaven.
I knew it.
- You are no different than the rest.
- Wait.
Just a second.
- Get back.
- Please.
Just one second, please.
Just Can we please talk? Now Ah! - Did you come up with anything, Murph? - I never got the chance, Laura.
You gotta keep that guy and his mantle out of my hair.
- His mantle? - He screwed up the whole operation not to mention the fact I nearly took his head off.
Look, I know it's been rough between you two but I really thought you had better control than that, Murph.
- Laura, come on.
You don't mean - Murphy.
! Good.
You're both here.
- I just had a tete-a-tete with the girl.
- You found the girl? - Murphy led me right to her.
That's teamwork for you.
- I don't believe this.
I wasn't sure what to believe myself, but it appears that we're on the mark with The Yakuza.
- The Yakuza? - Mm-hmm.
Robert Mitchum.
Brian Keith.
All about theJapanese underworld.
- Oh, my God.
He's got you doing it now? - What did she say? I gather that she and Kenji were quite intimate but that he never told her about his brother Mike.
- And the Palace of Heaven? - Mmm.
Unfortunately, she ran back inside and disappeared before we got that far.
At least now we know who claimed the body from the morgue.
- We do? - Sort of.
I finally got Dickerson on the phone.
He's coming by later for a positive I.
D but he said it was a Japanese man.
A man? But she just told me that she claimed the body.
- Somebody's lying.
- Well, whoever claimed it had to sign the forms.
- What was the name? - Mike Ito.
Oh, dear.
This is beginning to go round in circles.
I think we better have another talk with our client.
Take it away, Fred.
- Aren't you coming, Murph? - Oh, sure.
Why not? Who knows? I may even figure out what's going on around here.
[Yelling] - [Speaking Japanese] - [Yells] [Yells] - What's going on? - [Japanese] The brother on holiday calls to check on the cat and the brother tells him the cat is dead.
[Murphy] Hey, lookit.
- They're taking him.
- Hey! - Come on! - Stop that! You can't do that! - What just happened? - I believe he's been abducted.
- Who? - Our client.
Who is this? Would you stop saying that.
Come on, bub.
What is it you really want? Oh! - Has Dickerson shown up yet? - No, but I want our number changed.
- What for? - Some creep's been calling every 10 minutes for the past two hours, and he just won't quit.
- Was he obscene? - Obscene I can handle.
But no heavy breathing, no lewd suggestions.
- Just one line over and over.
- What's that? - "You're still the one for me.
" - That's it? It's really a rather nice sentiment when you think about it.
[Phone Rings] Remington Steele Investigations.
- Guess who.
- I'll handle this.
[Clears Throat] "You're Steele the one for me.
" - Steele here.
- You're Steele? - That's right.
- "The one for me.
Come to 331 half First Street.
" What was that again? Can you tell me what, uh - Oh.
- What was that? It certainly wasn't a touching sentiment.
- You're worried about this case, aren't you? - What makes you say that? Because whenever you're worried, you get this little crinkle in your forehead.
- Right here.
- I do? - You scowl.
- I do what? - When you're worried, you scowl.
- Hmm.
Scowl and crinkle.
Makes us sound like a London law firm, doesn't it? - They have some excellent ones, I'm told.
- Unmatched.
- Just, uh, take a right up here.
- Mm-hmm.
[Horn Honks] We have to get [Groans] [Speaking Japanese] Tell me something.
In this movie, The Yakuza That was how it started.
Is my crinkle showing? [Speaking Japanese] Look at this.
Who even knew this existed up here? - Who wanted to? - [Man Speaking Japanese] Shh.
- What is that? - [Blows Landing] - Sounds like a movie.
- Are you sure? I think I paid to see it this afternoon.
- Twice.
- Twice? Yes.
When I went back in to look for - [Men Yelling] - [Blows Landing] Her.
A pleasure to see you again, Mr.
- You mean she was - Kenji's bereaved lover, wasn't it? A remarkable recovery.
What is life, Mr.
Steele, but the playing of roles? - Your mother tell you that one too? - My father.
Such a wise family.
Tenaka-san is most anxious to speak with you.
Follow me.
Wait here.
Is there a "B.
" In our private lingo? - What for? - "Bloody fool.
" I didn't find that girl.
She found me.
Should have known something was wrong right off.
- What do you mean? - She obviously works for Tenaka.
And right after I enlightened her about Mike and his restaurant - He was kidnapped.
- I led the buggers right to him.
Damn! There was no way you could have known that.
- Ah! Never see you fall for a gob of lines like that.
- [Men Yelling In Japanese] You really mean that? Of course I do.
Why else do you think I would ask you to teach me? To be perfectly honest I thought you did it to win the argument we were having at the time.
- I did.
- Hmm.
- But I'm learning.
- [Yelling Continues] - Give 'em hell, chief.
- Mmm.
We build these machines to serve us and instead find ourselves serving them.
A profound thought, yes? Profound enough.
I always like to begin such encounters with the profound.
It tends to keep the conversation, uh, constructive.
- Uh, some tea, perhaps? - How very civilized of you.
I am pleased you accepted my invitation.
Now perhaps we can settle this without any further - Profundity? - Violence.
I'm all for a stab at that.
A pity Kenji can no longer agree with you.
Kenji Ito was what is known in our business as a free agent.
While managing a transaction for us, he was captured by your Intelligence.
And then, just as suddenly, released.
A most alarming situation.
- So you ushered him into the next life.
- No.
We merely sought to question him on his extraordinary good fortune.
But he fled, taking with him something of great value to us.
The Palace of Heaven? One of my most trusted men has already disappeared searching for it.
- What if I said we don't have it? - That would be most unfortunate.
Because then you would have nothing to trade.
Trade for what? Steele.
! What the hell is happening? What do they want? What are they talking about? [Japanese] Kenji must have passed it to someone before he was killed.
But we are now convinced Mike Ito is ignorant of Kenji's circumstances.
You, on the other hand are Remington Steele.
- That says a lot to you, does it? - Volumes.
Bring me the Palace of Heaven within 24 hours and I will release Mike.
And if we don't? Have you never seen a film called The Yakuza? Afraid I have no time for such diversions.
So much killing in it.
I might remind you, Tenaka, that you're still on American soil! [Tenaka] Miss Holt.
Please make no sudden moves.
It would be most embarrassing for you to die at my table.
Well, we certainly don't want anyone to be embarrassed do we? [Murphy] Samurai swords? This guy must put on a hell of a show.
Terribly convincing.
His place must be above that movie theater.
That would explain where the girl disappeared to this afternoon.
Laura, I think it's time to pick up the phone and call for help.
We send the police in there, and Mike would get killed before we even got close.
- Poor chap.
- He didn't even know Kenji was leading a double life.
And now he's smack-dab in the worst of it without a clue.
I can empathize.
Any chance we can make a trade? With what? We still don't know what the Palace of Heaven is.
- But Tenaka doesn't know that.
- Ah, you mean set up a swap and grab Mike before Tenaka realizes we've handed him a bag of hot air.
Too risky.
We don't even know how much hot air to put in the bag and there's no guarantee he'll let Mike go, no matter what we give him.
That doesn't leave us very much room to maneuver.
Unless we start thinking in terms of U&D.
- U&D? - I don't even want to talk about that.
- "Unique and different"? - Why not? What other choice do we have? - Just think of the risks.
- "Uncomfortable and deadly"? - We have to get him out.
It's the only way.
- Who's gonna do it? - All of us.
- "Unified and dedicated"? I know you hate to admit it, but when it comes to this stuff, he can be very - "Useful and diligent"? - We still have to come up with a plan.
Ah Excuse me.
What sort of plan are we talking about? "Unexpected and daring.
" Got it.
- I still don't approve of this.
- Is it this or me? Don't ask me questions like that, okay? You know, it's not that I don't enjoy our frequent altercations but since we're stuck with each other, we might try some activity to close the gap.
- We don't have very much in common.
- There must be something.
What is it you like to do on a brisk Sunday afternoon? Sure.
I can see you slapping on some cutoffs, shooting some hoops.
You see.
I love to hunt.
But I don't ever recall shooting a hoop before.
Is it a very large animal? - [Mouths Word] - Come on.
It's time.
[Whistles] Hey.
Ah, thank God you're here.
Thank God.
I thought I'd never get away in time.
- [Speaking Japanese] - Oh, I couldn't agree more, but he's the one to reckon with.
Nice shot, old chap.
- You'll see he's well secured? - Don't worry.
- [Men Speaking Japanese] - ¢Ü¢Û¢Ü¢Û[Koto] - [Rattling] - [Man Shouts] [Chattering In Japanese] [Rattling] [Man Shouts] - [Chattering In Japanese] - [Man Laughing] [Laughing, Chattering] - [Rattling] - [Chattering Continues] - [Rattling] - [Yells] [All Speaking Japanese] [Rattling] [Chattering Continues] [Chattering, Laughing] [Rattling] - [Rattling] - [Man Shouts] [Chattering In Japanese] [Shouting In Japanese] [Dice Rattling] [Shouts] [Japanese] [All Speaking Japanese] [Mouthing Words] - [Dice Rattling] - [Man Shouts] [Japanese] [Japanese] [Japanese] [Continues Speaking Japanese] [Japanese] Get moving! I want some sake too.
What are you, deaf? [Laughter Continues] [Sighs] - [Speaks Japanese] - [Dice Rattling] [Shouts] [Japanese] - [Japanese] - [Mumbles] [Japanese] Aaah! Aaah! Steele! [People Chattering In Japanese] [Indistinct] [People Chattering In Japanese] [Whistles] [Tires Squeal] [Laughing] Oh, I'd say this calls for a small celebration, eh, Murph? - Why not? - I think there's still something in the fridge.
- Just let me get out of this.
- [Clears Throat] I wish I knew how to say it.
What you guys did for me tonight, that was really - U&D.
- Huh? Just a little jargon we detectives employ to simplify communications.
Well, whatever you call it, thanks.
Ah, all in a night's work, eh? I'm sorry if I don't seem more grateful Yes.
Of course.
Your brother.
It was tough enough finding out he was dead.
- But all this yakuza stuff - Hmm.
- Must come as a shock.
- Right now the only one who seems real to me is you, Steele.
Yes, well we're still trying to fit the last pieces into place ourselves.
Tell me the truth.
How bad was he? We only know he was caught in a squeeze between Tenaka and a Major Craddock of Army Intelligence about something called the Palace of Heaven.
- Does that mean anything to you? - Sorry.
Well, what shall we all drink to then, eh? - Murphy.
- Teamwork.
- Hmm.
- [Door Opens] Did anyone lock the front door? Quick.
The light.
I want to know who you are and what you're doing here, and be quick about it! - I'm Dickerson.
From the morgue.
You asked me to come.
- I never asked.
- Yes, you did.
Dickerson, please.
- [Groans] - [Laura] So sorry.
- I work the night shift.
I came over as soon as I got off.
Wow, the fact is is I am one of your biggest fans.
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
I follow all your cases.
Well, I mean, I can't really help it, you know.
You're a source.
You mean of bodies.
Hey, Remington Steele gets going and I know it's time for me to clear the tables and tell my wife not to wait up.
Dickerson, this is Mr.
He isn't the man who claimed the body, is he? No, I've never seen him before.
But what was the deceased's name again? Mike, do you have a picture of Kenji? Sure.
That's the guy.
- You mean the deceased.
- No.
No, the guy that claimed him.
The deceased was all torn up from the accident.
Are you sure this is the man who signed for him? Yeah.
He said his name was Mike Ito.
- Why? - Laura, if he claimed the body Kenji's still alive! Laura, I'm afraid to admit it this far along, but I think we're in the wrong movie.
- What movie? - Ah, the Oriental angle threw us right off.
- What are you talking about? - The Third Man.
Orson Welles plays a ruthless dealer in the black market who fakes his own death in order to avoid pursuit by the police.
Only his good friend, Joseph Cotten, doesn't believe it was an accident and begins digging to find out why Orson was killed.
If Kenji's alive, I've got to find him.
Mike, wait.
Murphy, Tenaka's men are out there.
We can't let him go there alone.
- Hey, hey, hey! Come here! - Oh, excuse me.
I know that this is a really bad time but could you do me a favor and autograph this death certificate for me? Just say something simple like "To my good friend Dicky.
" Mr.
[Mike] Think he could be here? [Laura] If he staged his own death, he'd have to know who turned up at the funeral.
[Steele] And find a safe place to lay low.
[Murphy] Besides, we've already been everyplace else.
- Murphy, would you - Don't you worry.
I'll shoot any wild hoops that happen along.
[Laura] What? Pardon me.
I don't mean to disrupt your reverie, but have you seen, by any chance Mike, this can't be, uh - No.
- I don't know who it is.
It's Major Craddock.
I take it he's, uh Let's just say Dickerson won't be disappointed.
[Man] You shouldn't have come, Mike.
Kenji? But then, it's really my own fault.
I worked so hard all those years to earn your respect.
I should have known you could not easily accept my death.
You've been yakuza all this time? I saw no reason for you to carry my shame.
Away from me, in this country you could have a decent life.
A life with honor.
And I never would have known the truth.
But Craddock caught me a few months ago.
I told him nothing.
But he released me and spread the word that I talked.
I knew then that Tenaka couldn't let me live.
That's why I stole the computer code that details their whole operation in Japan.
The Palace of Heaven.
Doesn't look like a Palace of Heaven, does it? I thought maybe I could trade it in for my freedom.
But when I called you at the airport I spotted one ofTenaka's men following me and ran.
- But he caught up with you.
- On Temple Street.
We struggled.
I pushed him in front of a car.
That's when I saw a way out.
So you gave him your identification and staged your own funeral.
Nobody hunts for a dead man.
Nobody, that is, except Remington Steele.
When Tenaka and the others found that you were involved I knew they wouldn't let up especially Craddock.
- So you killed him.
- He left me no choice.
This way, Tenaka will know that I did not betray him and would not seek revenge on Mike.
But you still have the code.
You will keep it now to ensure my brother's continued safety.
Tenaka knows that you are a man of honor and he is wise enough not to challenge the blade of Remington Steele.
I'm afraid we're still going to have to call the police.
I've already called them.
They should be here shortly.
You know, Mike I dreamed one day to leave the yakuza and join you in business.
The dream now is only a few remaining minutes of freedom now that you know the truth.
Come on.
You know this is really a very sad way for things to end.
Not really.
In The Third Man, Joseph Cotten killed Orson Welles.
So, who was buried in Kenji's place? The yakuza that Tenaka said was missing.
I see.
And Hamada, the driver of the car that hit him? Craddock killed him.
He was the big man with the white hair that the old woman described to us when we went to see Hamada.
Craddock thought he was yakuza as well.
Another poor unfortunate caught in the web of deception.
You know, you promised me you'd try at least one.
I was hoping you wouldn't remember that.
It's all part of the training program.
Actually, I've been feeling the urge to become a flashy front man again.
Oh, come on.
It's good for you.
Pure protein.
There's tuna, sea bass, yellowtail.
I suppose this doesn't look too difficult.
- What is it? - Octopus.
I never finished telling you about the cat on the roof, did I? You see, there were these two brothers one of whom had a cat he loved dearly [Mews]