Reno 911! (2003) s04e07 Episode Script
The Investigation Continues (2)
Dangle: What's happening?! Dangle: What's happening?! Dangle: What's happening?! What's happening?! What's happening?! What's happening?! jim, someone tried to kill jim, someone tried to kill jim, someone tried to kill the sheriff.
I don't think--I The sheriff.
I don't think--I The sheriff.
I don't think--I don't think he's gonna make it.
Don't think he's gonna make it.
Don't think he's gonna make it.
avenge my death.
avenge my death.
avenge my death.
[heart monitor [heart monitor [heart monitor beeps steady tone.]
Beeps steady tone.]
Beeps steady tone.]
mrs.
Chechekevitz: Thank you Mrs.
Chechekevitz: Thank you Mrs.
Chechekevitz: Thank you for coming.
For coming.
For coming.
Junior: That's mrs.
Junior: That's mrs.
Junior: That's mrs.
Chechekevitch? Who the hell's Chechekevitch? Who the hell's Chechekevitch? Who the hell's that fella with her? That fella with her? That fella with her? Dangle: Uh, ladies and Dangle: Uh, ladies and Dangle: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I believe we have our Gentlemen, I believe we have our Gentlemen, I believe we have our number one suspect.
Number one suspect.
Number one suspect.
[shouting in armenian.]
[shouting in armenian.]
[shouting in armenian.]
uh uh uh [jones blowing.]
[jones blowing.]
[jones blowing.]
what was your relationship what was your relationship what was your relationship like with walter? Like with walter? Like with walter? it was great.
it was great.
it was great.
oh, was it? Was it great? It oh, was it? Was it great? It oh, was it? Was it great? It was great.
Was great.
Was great.
yeah, it was great.
yeah, it was great.
yeah, it was great.
yeah, he was a nice guy.
yeah, he was a nice guy.
yeah, he was a nice guy.
yeah, he was nice.
yeah, he was nice.
yeah, he was nice.
he was killed by peanuts.
he was killed by peanuts.
he was killed by peanuts.
Delicious peanuts.
Delicious peanuts.
Delicious peanuts.
mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
dangle: Come on, she tricked me! Dangle: Come on, she tricked me! Dangle: Come on, she tricked me! It was a trick! Williams: Whoa! [tweet.]
[tweet.]
[tweet.]
kimball: All right, ok.
I got Kimball: All right, ok.
I got Kimball: All right, ok.
I got him by the belt.
Wiegel: Get back in the Wiegel: Get back in the Wiegel: Get back in the building! No loitering! aah! Ha! [siren.]
Dangle: All right, look alive, Dangle: All right, look alive, Dangle: All right, look alive, people.
We know that sheriff People.
We know that sheriff People.
We know that sheriff chechekevitch is dead.
What else Chechekevitch is dead.
What else Chechekevitch is dead.
What else do we know? Do we know? Do we know? coroner says definitely coroner says definitely coroner says definitely poison.
Poison.
Poison.
wife has a $250,000 policy wife has a $250,000 policy wife has a $250,000 policy for her husband.
She's the For her husband.
She's the For her husband.
She's the beneficiary.
Beneficiary.
Beneficiary.
"seek whom the crime "seek whom the crime "seek whom the crime profits.
" what else do we know? Profits.
" what else do we know? Profits.
" what else do we know? uh, we also know that mrs.
uh, we also know that mrs.
uh, we also know that mrs.
Chechekevitch's boyfriend is in Chechekevitch's boyfriend is in Chechekevitch's boyfriend is in the armenian mafia.
The armenian mafia.
The armenian mafia.
Dangle: Uh-huh.
Excellent Dangle: Uh-huh.
Excellent Dangle: Uh-huh.
Excellent people.
And we know one other People.
And we know one other People.
And we know one other thing We know that we must avenge his We know that we must avenge his We know that we must avenge his death.
No one interrupted me.
Death.
No one interrupted me.
Death.
No one interrupted me.
That was wonderful.
That was the That was wonderful.
That was the That was wonderful.
That was the first time I ever got to say First time I ever got to say First time I ever got to say something-- Something-- Something-- well, you weren't even well, you weren't even well, you weren't even talking to us.
You were just Talking to us.
You were just Talking to us.
You were just talking to the camera.
Talking to the camera.
Talking to the camera.
Dangle: No, I wasn't talking to Dangle: No, I wasn't talking to Dangle: No, I wasn't talking to the camera.
I was talking to The camera.
I was talking to The camera.
I was talking to you.
You.
You.
Wiegel: I actually thought you Wiegel: I actually thought you Wiegel: I actually thought you were gonna say-- Were gonna say-- Were gonna say-- I opened up to the camera.
I opened up to the camera.
I opened up to the camera.
why'd you take your glasses why'd you take your glasses why'd you take your glasses off when you said that? Off when you said that? Off when you said that? 'cause it would look better 'cause it would look better 'cause it would look better for the camera.
For the camera.
For the camera.
it felt like you were about it felt like you were about it felt like you were about to say something much more To say something much more To say something much more interesting.
Interesting.
Interesting.
well, the sheriff asked us to well, the sheriff asked us to well, the sheriff asked us to avenge him-- Avenge him-- Avenge him-- I knew that.
I knew that.
I knew that.
Junior: Can we go? Junior: Can we go? Junior: Can we go? yes, we can go.
Jesus yes, we can go.
Jesus yes, we can go.
Jesus there's no reason to be a dick There's no reason to be a dick There's no reason to be a dick about it just 'cause I opened up About it just 'cause I opened up About it just 'cause I opened up to the camera.
To the camera.
To the camera.
Garcia: Should we take our Garcia: Should we take our Garcia: Should we take our glasses off? Glasses off? Glasses off? it's weird to us when you it's weird to us when you it's weird to us when you talk to the camera.
It's Talk to the camera.
It's Talk to the camera.
It's confusing to us.
Confusing to us.
Confusing to us.
Johnson: Drama queen! damn itDarn it.
Gosh, damn itDarn it.
Gosh, damn itDarn it.
Gosh, danner, darn it.
This is Danner, darn it.
This is Danner, darn it.
This is outrageous.
A man needs to be Outrageous.
A man needs to be Outrageous.
A man needs to be free toThis is--I'm--this is Free toThis is--I'm--this is Free toThis is--I'm--this is my job, so I just don't even My job, so I just don't even My job, so I just don't even know--I don't actually work Know--I don't actually work Know--I don't actually work here.
I'm volunteering my time.
Here.
I'm volunteering my time.
Here.
I'm volunteering my time.
My time is precious, as yours My time is precious, as yours My time is precious, as yours is, too, I'm sure.
And I'm Is, too, I'm sure.
And I'm Is, too, I'm sure.
And I'm just--why would I do something Just--why would I do something Just--why would I do something if it wasn't helping people?, so If it wasn't helping people?, so If it wasn't helping people?, so if I'm bringing a little joy to If I'm bringing a little joy to If I'm bringing a little joy to aTo the carnival-goers, then ATo the carnival-goers, then ATo the carnival-goers, then sue me, huh? So, I have a Sue me, huh? So, I have a Sue me, huh? So, I have a license for this.
This is License for this.
This is License for this.
This is I'm a licensed handler of I'm a licensed handler of I'm a licensed handler of nature's oddity.
Feel the snake.
Nature's oddity.
Feel the snake.
Nature's oddity.
Feel the snake.
The snake--and this is what I do The snake--and this is what I do The snake--and this is what I do forTo help people, so I don't ForTo help people, so I don't ForTo help people, so I don't know why you're staring at me Know why you're staring at me Know why you're staring at me like that.
Damn! Can't a man Like that.
Damn! Can't a man Like that.
Damn! Can't a man work in peace? People come up Work in peace? People come up Work in peace? People come up and they reach in under the And they reach in under the And they reach in under the curtain.
You got to keep the Curtain.
You got to keep the Curtain.
You got to keep the curtain closed, though, so don't Curtain closed, though, so don't Curtain closed, though, so don't even look in there because the Even look in there because the Even look in there because the serpent is very sensitive to Serpent is very sensitive to Serpent is very sensitive to light.
It's an albino.
Reach in Light.
It's an albino.
Reach in Light.
It's an albino.
Reach in and if you grasp it, the snake And if you grasp it, the snake And if you grasp it, the snake grows rigid in your grasp! One Grows rigid in your grasp! One Grows rigid in your grasp! One of a kind! I know that look.
You Of a kind! I know that look.
You Of a kind! I know that look.
You want to feel the nature's Want to feel the nature's Want to feel the nature's oddity, but you can't.
It's Oddity, but you can't.
It's Oddity, but you can't.
It's women--it's really just for Women--it's really just for Women--it's really just for women only.
Ow! Ok, see that Women only.
Ow! Ok, see that Women only.
Ow! Ok, see that hurts me when you do that.
Ha ha Hurts me when you do that.
Ha ha Hurts me when you do that.
Ha ha ha! Could you hold this just for Ha! Could you hold this just for Ha! Could you hold this just for a second? A second? A second? hey, hey! Ho! Hey! mrs.
Chechekevitch, we do mrs.
Chechekevitch, we do mrs.
Chechekevitch, we do extend our deepest sympathies to Extend our deepest sympathies to Extend our deepest sympathies to you in this time of grief, and You in this time of grief, and You in this time of grief, and we hope that you are enjoying We hope that you are enjoying We hope that you are enjoying the mylar balloons and muffin The mylar balloons and muffin The mylar balloons and muffin basket that we sent to comfort Basket that we sent to comfort Basket that we sent to comfort you.
You.
You.
yes, it was ok.
yes, it was ok.
yes, it was ok.
mm-hmm.
How are you getting mm-hmm.
How are you getting mm-hmm.
How are you getting along in your grief? We saw you Along in your grief? We saw you Along in your grief? We saw you doing shots at the bowling alley Doing shots at the bowling alley Doing shots at the bowling alley with a certain dark-skinned, With a certain dark-skinned, With a certain dark-skinned, swarthy man.
Swarthy man.
Swarthy man.
walter always said, "life is walter always said, "life is walter always said, "life is for the living.
" For the living.
" For the living.
" what's interesting is that in what's interesting is that in what's interesting is that in death, you gonna end up having Death, you gonna end up having Death, you gonna end up having the best time of your life The best time of your life The best time of your life 'cause it turns out your husband 'cause it turns out your husband 'cause it turns out your husband had an insurance policy worth Had an insurance policy worth Had an insurance policy worth Johnson: Hello.
Somethin' Johnson: Hello.
Somethin' Johnson: Hello.
Somethin' stinks, all right? And it stinks Stinks, all right? And it stinks Stinks, all right? And it stinks like Like Like Williams: Peroxide and Williams: Peroxide and Williams: Peroxide and Johnson: Well, thatI just did Johnson: Well, thatI just did Johnson: Well, thatI just did that last night.
That last night.
That last night.
Williams: Sorry.
Williams: Sorry.
Williams: Sorry.
Johnson: Ok.
how's everyone's vagina how's everyone's vagina how's everyone's vagina today? Feeling good? Today? Feeling good? Today? Feeling good? great.
great.
great.
[recording of whales singing.]
[recording of whales singing.]
[recording of whales singing.]
that rubbing you did on them that rubbing you did on them that rubbing you did on them last week was really great.
Last week was really great.
Last week was really great.
[laughing.]
let's turn.
Lot of [laughing.]
let's turn.
Lot of [laughing.]
let's turn.
Lot of people think sex is wrong.
People think sex is wrong.
People think sex is wrong.
They're ashamed of it.
It's They're ashamed of it.
It's They're ashamed of it.
It's nothing to be ashamed about.
Nothing to be ashamed about.
Nothing to be ashamed about.
Nothing to be ashamed about at Nothing to be ashamed about at Nothing to be ashamed about at all.
It's nature.
It's All.
It's nature.
It's All.
It's nature.
It's beautiful.
God created 69.
You Beautiful.
God created 69.
You Beautiful.
God created 69.
You know, whales 69? People laugh at Know, whales 69? People laugh at Know, whales 69? People laugh at that, but it's true.
They do.
That, but it's true.
They do.
That, but it's true.
They do.
It's in nature.
If it's in It's in nature.
If it's in It's in nature.
If it's in nature, it's beautiful.
Nature, it's beautiful.
Nature, it's beautiful.
Fisting.
And don't be afraid Fisting.
And don't be afraid Fisting.
And don't be afraid of the buttocks.
Do not be Of the buttocks.
Do not be Of the buttocks.
Do not be afraid of the top of the Afraid of the top of the Afraid of the top of the buttocks.
Buttocks.
Buttocks.
Wiegel: You feel that? I'm Wiegel: You feel that? I'm Wiegel: You feel that? I'm alreadyI'm sort of up your AlreadyI'm sort of up your AlreadyI'm sort of up your anus a little bit.
Anus a little bit.
Anus a little bit.
that's ok.
That's ok.
A lot that's ok.
That's ok.
A lot that's ok.
That's ok.
A lot of nerve endings.
Of nerve endings.
Of nerve endings.
let me ask you a question.
let me ask you a question.
let me ask you a question.
You eat the dark piece of meat You eat the dark piece of meat You eat the dark piece of meat off the chicken? Off the chicken? Off the chicken? Wiegel: Raineesha, you're Wiegel: Raineesha, you're Wiegel: Raineesha, you're embarrassing me.
I'm so sorry.
Embarrassing me.
I'm so sorry.
Embarrassing me.
I'm so sorry.
you know what I'm in the you know what I'm in the you know what I'm in the middle of right now? A saucy Middle of right now? A saucy Middle of right now? A saucy sandwich, and I like it.
I don't Sandwich, and I like it.
I don't Sandwich, and I like it.
I don't want to go anywhere.
Want to go anywhere.
Want to go anywhere.
Wiegel: [gasp.]
Wiegel: [gasp.]
Wiegel: [gasp.]
what's wrong? what's wrong? what's wrong? oh, my god.
I think my water oh, my god.
I think my water oh, my god.
I think my water just broke.
Just broke.
Just broke.
whoa! whoa! whoa! trudy, did your water break? trudy, did your water break? trudy, did your water break? Wiegel: Oh, my god.
Wiegel: Oh, my god.
Wiegel: Oh, my god.
Williams: Oh.
My god.
Oh, my Williams: Oh.
My god.
Oh, my Williams: Oh.
My god.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
God.
Oh, my god.
God.
Oh, my god.
just breathe, relax.
just breathe, relax.
just breathe, relax.
oh, wait.
Hold on a second.
oh, wait.
Hold on a second.
oh, wait.
Hold on a second.
Someone left a mountain dew Someone left a mountain dew Someone left a mountain dew here.
It wasn't my water.
Garcia: Let's see what's goin' Garcia: Let's see what's goin' Garcia: Let's see what's goin' on.
Calm down.
We're here.
On.
Calm down.
We're here.
On.
Calm down.
We're here.
this guy come by, this guy come by, this guy come by, trespassin' here on a Sunday.
Trespassin' here on a Sunday.
Trespassin' here on a Sunday.
Garcia: Ok.
Garcia: Ok.
Garcia: Ok.
yeah, I run my own business yeah, I run my own business yeah, I run my own business out of here, but I'm closed on Out of here, but I'm closed on Out of here, but I'm closed on sundays.
I make that very clear Sundays.
I make that very clear Sundays.
I make that very clear to all my customers.
And he came To all my customers.
And he came To all my customers.
And he came by here on a Sunday, trying to By here on a Sunday, trying to By here on a Sunday, trying to buy weed, and I said, "I'm Buy weed, and I said, "I'm Buy weed, and I said, "I'm closed on sundays, man!" Closed on sundays, man!" Closed on sundays, man!" garcia: Ho, whoa, whoa, whoa, Garcia: Ho, whoa, whoa, whoa, Garcia: Ho, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Can we take a look at your Whoa.
Can we take a look at your Whoa.
Can we take a look at your weed in there, sir? Weed in there, sir? Weed in there, sir? hell, no.
I told you I'm hell, no.
I told you I'm hell, no.
I told you I'm closed on Sunday! Then you Closed on Sunday! Then you Closed on Sunday! Then you guys'd be trespassin'.
I ought Guys'd be trespassin'.
I ought Guys'd be trespassin'.
I ought to citizen's arrest you right To citizen's arrest you right To citizen's arrest you right now.
You gotta go arrest this Now.
You gotta go arrest this Now.
You gotta go arrest this guy for trespassin'.
Guy for trespassin'.
Guy for trespassin'.
Garcia: Well, where is he? Garcia: Well, where is he? Garcia: Well, where is he? I'll fire you! You're fired! I'll fire you! You're fired! I'll fire you! You're fired! whoa.
whoa.
whoa.
you're fired! you're fired! you're fired! keep your voice down, sir.
keep your voice down, sir.
keep your voice down, sir.
I will not--freedom of I will not--freedom of I will not--freedom of speech! First amendment! You can Speech! First amendment! You can Speech! First amendment! You can yell as loud as you want! Yell as loud as you want! Yell as loud as you want! sir, I sir, I sir, I what are you doin'? what are you doin'? what are you doin'? you can come with us you can come with us you can come with us peacefully.
Peacefully.
Peacefully.
you can come with me you can come with me you can come with me peacefully.
Peacefully.
Peacefully.
the hard way or the easy the hard way or the easy the hard way or the easy way, sir? Way, sir? Way, sir? I'm gonna arrest you and put I'm gonna arrest you and put I'm gonna arrest you and put you in my bathroom! How 'bout You in my bathroom! How 'bout You in my bathroom! How 'bout that? That? That? I can see the marijuana from I can see the marijuana from I can see the marijuana from here, sir.
I can smell it.
Here, sir.
I can smell it.
Here, sir.
I can smell it.
that's not even my good that's not even my good that's not even my good stuff.
That's the ditch weed.
I Stuff.
That's the ditch weed.
I Stuff.
That's the ditch weed.
I keep the good stuff in back with Keep the good stuff in back with Keep the good stuff in back with the cocaine.
Rape! You're tryin' The cocaine.
Rape! You're tryin' The cocaine.
Rape! You're tryin' to rape me! my name is scott greenberg.
I my name is scott greenberg.
I my name is scott greenberg.
I am the district attorney, and Am the district attorney, and Am the district attorney, and I've been asked to say a few I've been asked to say a few I've been asked to say a few words for one of our finest, Words for one of our finest, Words for one of our finest, walter chenekevitz.
Chekene-- Walter chenekevitz.
Chekene-- Walter chenekevitz.
Chekene-- chekenevits.
Ok, cheke-- Chekenevits.
Ok, cheke-- Chekenevits.
Ok, cheke-- chekenevitz.
Chenukevitz? Che-- Chekenevitz.
Chenukevitz? Che-- Chekenevitz.
Chenukevitz? Che-- the sheriff.
I'd like to send my The sheriff.
I'd like to send my The sheriff.
I'd like to send my condolences out to, uh, the Condolences out to, uh, the Condolences out to, uh, the sheriff's lovely wife, Sheriff's lovely wife, Sheriff's lovely wife, mrs.
Chekenevitz, and her Mrs.
Chekenevitz, and her Mrs.
Chekenevitz, and her boyfriend.
[siren.]
[stilted.]
when jesus did his [stilted.]
when jesus did his [stilted.]
when jesus did his holy works, one was to raise a Holy works, one was to raise a Holy works, one was to raise a man from the dead.
That man was Man from the dead.
That man was Man from the dead.
That man was named lazarus.
And now, from Named lazarus.
And now, from Named lazarus.
And now, from police tek 2000, there's a Police tek 2000, there's a Police tek 2000, there's a bicycle lock that bears his Bicycle lock that bears his Bicycle lock that bears his name, and, yes, it is a miracle Name, and, yes, it is a miracle Name, and, yes, it is a miracle of bicycle safety.
Let me show Of bicycle safety.
Let me show Of bicycle safety.
Let me show you, but not with these You, but not with these You, but not with these professional bolt cutters.
Professional bolt cutters.
Professional bolt cutters.
[stilted.]
here's a shotgun, [stilted.]
here's a shotgun, [stilted.]
here's a shotgun, but wait.
You're not gonna shoot But wait.
You're not gonna shoot But wait.
You're not gonna shoot it at that bike lock, are you? It at that bike lock, are you? It at that bike lock, are you? You'll break it.
You'll break it.
You'll break it.
yes.
A european bike lock yes.
A european bike lock yes.
A european bike lock would, but this is the police Would, but this is the police Would, but this is the police tek 2000 lazarus, made right Tek 2000 lazarus, made right Tek 2000 lazarus, made right here in north america.
Just Here in north america.
Just Here in north america.
Just watch.
wow, it looks as good as if wow, it looks as good as if wow, it looks as good as if it had just come out of the It had just come out of the It had just come out of the original packaging.
Original packaging.
Original packaging.
try this yourself if you try this yourself if you try this yourself if you don't believe me, but that's not Don't believe me, but that's not Don't believe me, but that's not all.
Here.
Hand me that lock, All.
Here.
Hand me that lock, All.
Here.
Hand me that lock, deputy.
Deputy.
Deputy.
[zapping noise.]
[zapping noise.]
[zapping noise.]
yi! Fuck aah, gee! Fuck! yi! Fuck aah, gee! Fuck! yi! Fuck aah, gee! Fuck! ButAah! God! ButAah! God! ButAah! God! that jolt and that burning that jolt and that burning that jolt and that burning smell tell you that lazarus's Smell tell you that lazarus's Smell tell you that lazarus's self-contained tasing system is Self-contained tasing system is Self-contained tasing system is working.
So next time, make your Working.
So next time, make your Working.
So next time, make your bike lock the only one powerful Bike lock the only one powerful Bike lock the only one powerful enough to carry the name of the Enough to carry the name of the Enough to carry the name of the man that jesus rose from the Man that jesus rose from the Man that jesus rose from the dead--lazarus.
Dead--lazarus.
Dead--lazarus.
Both: Your bike will think it's Both: Your bike will think it's Both: Your bike will think it's heavenly.
Heavenly.
Heavenly.
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[gunshot.]
[gunshot.]
[gunshot.]
what can I say about walter what can I say about walter what can I say about walter chemekevitz.
He did say there Chemekevitz.
He did say there Chemekevitz.
He did say there are 16 points that you should Are 16 points that you should Are 16 points that you should follow to be a good district Follow to be a good district Follow to be a good district attorney.
Number one: Hygiene.
Attorney.
Number one: Hygiene.
Attorney.
Number one: Hygiene.
Hygiene was very important to Hygiene was very important to Hygiene was very important to walter chenokevitz.
Brush your Walter chenokevitz.
Brush your Walter chenokevitz.
Brush your teeth, wash, trim.
Number 8: Teeth, wash, trim.
Number 8: Teeth, wash, trim.
Number 8: Always use oil paint in a Always use oil paint in a Always use oil paint in a bathroom.
Now, I had made the Bathroom.
Now, I had made the Bathroom.
Now, I had made the mistake of asking leo's-- Mistake of asking leo's-- Mistake of asking leo's-- walter's-- you were always someone that you were always someone that you were always someone that I held in the highest regard and I held in the highest regard and I held in the highest regard and had a great deal of respect for.
Had a great deal of respect for.
Had a great deal of respect for.
why, thank you, sheriff.
why, thank you, sheriff.
why, thank you, sheriff.
what was your first name what was your first name what was your first name again? Again? Again? jim.
jim.
jim.
jim.
Yeah, jim.
Jim.
jim.
Yeah, jim.
Jim.
jim.
Yeah, jim.
Jim.
oh, god, wait.
Wait.
There oh, god, wait.
Wait.
There oh, god, wait.
Wait.
There was something really important I Was something really important I Was something really important I was meaning to ask you.
Who Was meaning to ask you.
Who Was meaning to ask you.
Who killed you? Killed you? Killed you? I really don't know.
I really don't know.
I really don't know.
oh, that would've been so oh, that would've been so oh, that would've been so good if you knew.
Is this the Good if you knew.
Is this the Good if you knew.
Is this the first sign that I'm gonna be First sign that I'm gonna be First sign that I'm gonna be haunted by you for years? Haunted by you for years? Haunted by you for years? perhaps.
perhaps.
perhaps.
perhaps.
If we could get some perhaps.
If we could get some perhaps.
If we could get some sort of scrooge and marley Sort of scrooge and marley Sort of scrooge and marley relationship going on that's Relationship going on that's Relationship going on that's like sort of date-specific.
Like sort of date-specific.
Like sort of date-specific.
'cause I just don't want to 'cause I just don't want to 'cause I just don't want to generally--never, you know, go Generally--never, you know, go Generally--never, you know, go to bed every night not knowing, To bed every night not knowing, To bed every night not knowing, "oh, is the sheriff walking the "oh, is the sheriff walking the "oh, is the sheriff walking the earth?" Earth?" Earth?" I'll get back to you on that I'll get back to you on that I'll get back to you on that because II need to get my Because II need to get my Because II need to get my calendar in order.
I think you Calendar in order.
I think you Calendar in order.
I think you understand that.
Understand that.
Understand that.
ok, now you're mad.
ok, now you're mad.
ok, now you're mad.
Greenberg: Now, number 10 is a Greenberg: Now, number 10 is a Greenberg: Now, number 10 is a tricky one because it's kind of Tricky one because it's kind of Tricky one because it's kind of a 10-a, kind of 10-b thing.
A 10-a, kind of 10-b thing.
A 10-a, kind of 10-b thing.
So I'll start with 10-a.
So I'll start with 10-a.
So I'll start with 10-a.
Now, 10-a is, "never let your Now, 10-a is, "never let your Now, 10-a is, "never let your hair get below shoulder length.
" Hair get below shoulder length.
" Hair get below shoulder length.
" [gasp.]
[gasp.]
[gasp.]
hi! Hi! Hi! how are you? how are you? how are you? I'm ok.
How are you? I'm ok.
How are you? I'm ok.
How are you? beautiful day, isn't it? beautiful day, isn't it? beautiful day, isn't it? it is.
Hey, have you seen my it is.
Hey, have you seen my it is.
Hey, have you seen my mom? Mom? Mom? you mean today? you mean today? you mean today? yeah, just sort of hovering yeah, just sort of hovering yeah, just sort of hovering about or whatever? She's About or whatever? She's About or whatever? She's actuallyI don't know that ActuallyI don't know that ActuallyI don't know that she's up there necessarily.
She's up there necessarily.
She's up there necessarily.
well, I--I would--we're all well, I--I would--we're all well, I--I would--we're all up there in a way.
Up there in a way.
Up there in a way.
well, in other words, no, you well, in other words, no, you well, in other words, no, you haven't seen her 'cause she's in Haven't seen her 'cause she's in Haven't seen her 'cause she's in hell.
Hell.
Hell.
but I may see her.
but I may see her.
but I may see her.
don't worry.
You don't have don't worry.
You don't have don't worry.
You don't have to To To I may see her soon.
I may see her soon.
I may see her soon.
you're not gonna see her.
you're not gonna see her.
you're not gonna see her.
I notice you're great with I notice you're great with I notice you're great with child.
Child.
Child.
I am great with child.
This I am great with child.
This I am great with child.
This is my thing about childhood, Is my thing about childhood, Is my thing about childhood, about raising a child.
Someday About raising a child.
Someday About raising a child.
Someday when my kid grows up and learns When my kid grows up and learns When my kid grows up and learns to resent me and hate me, I can To resent me and hate me, I can To resent me and hate me, I can go, "you know what?" my eyes Go, "you know what?" my eyes Go, "you know what?" my eyes filled with tears, and I have Filled with tears, and I have Filled with tears, and I have cold cream all over my face Cold cream all over my face Cold cream all over my face probably, and I'm in my Probably, and I'm in my Probably, and I'm in my nightgown 'cause he--I was Nightgown 'cause he--I was Nightgown 'cause he--I was waiting up all night for him Waiting up all night for him Waiting up all night for him to come home.
To come home.
To come home.
you're in your nightie.
you're in your nightie.
you're in your nightie.
he didn't come home.
He took he didn't come home.
He took he didn't come home.
He took my god damn car, My god damn car, My god damn car, and I'm waiting, And I'm waiting, And I'm waiting, and he doesn't come home, and he And he doesn't come home, and he And he doesn't come home, and he finally comes home, and there I Finally comes home, and there I Finally comes home, and there I am in a chair in a dark corner Am in a chair in a dark corner Am in a chair in a dark corner with a cigarette and a bourbon, With a cigarette and a bourbon, With a cigarette and a bourbon, and I go And I go And I go bourbon on the rocks? bourbon on the rocks? bourbon on the rocks? "you know what? I did the "you know what? I did the "you know what? I did the best I could.
" Best I could.
" Best I could.
" now, that's sayin' a lot.
now, that's sayin' a lot.
now, that's sayin' a lot.
yeah.
I can't wait.
I'm so yeah.
I can't wait.
I'm so yeah.
I can't wait.
I'm so excited.
Excited.
Excited.
Greenberg: And I'm like, "what Greenberg: And I'm like, "what Greenberg: And I'm like, "what is that? Is that a jet pack?" Is that? Is that a jet pack?" Is that? Is that a jet pack?" and he said, "no, it's a rocket And he said, "no, it's a rocket And he said, "no, it's a rocket belt.
" so I'm out with walter, Belt.
" so I'm out with walter, Belt.
" so I'm out with walter, and we're at the park, and we're And we're at the park, and we're And we're at the park, and we're gonna test the jet pack.
Gonna test the jet pack.
Gonna test the jet pack.
Sorry--rocket belt.
And, uh, the Sorry--rocket belt.
And, uh, the Sorry--rocket belt.
And, uh, the thing goes off.
You know, I have Thing goes off.
You know, I have Thing goes off.
You know, I have to light it.
He'sYou know, To light it.
He'sYou know, To light it.
He'sYou know, it's made ofIs it butane? [rock music playing.]
ââ¢Âªshe's my cherry pie, ââ¢Âªshe's my cherry pie, ââ¢Âªshe's my cherry pie, cold till you warm it, Cold till you warm it, Cold till you warm it, such a sweet surprise, Such a sweet surprise, Such a sweet surprise, tastes so good Tastes so good Tastes so good make a grown man cry, Make a grown man cry, Make a grown man cry, sweet cherry pie, oh, yeah, Sweet cherry pie, oh, yeah, Sweet cherry pie, oh, yeah, she's my cherry pie, She's my cherry pie, She's my cherry pie, smile on your face Smile on your face Smile on your face looks so good Looks so good Looks so good bring a tear to your eye, Bring a tear to your eye, Bring a tear to your eye, sweet cherry pie-yi-I-I, Sweet cherry pie-yi-I-I, Sweet cherry pie-yi-I-I, ah-ah-I, Ah-ah-I, Ah-ah-I, oh, swing it ââ¢Âª now a reading of the road now a reading of the road now a reading of the road less traveled by robert fropps.
Less traveled by robert fropps.
Less traveled by robert fropps.
May I please ask deputy travis May I please ask deputy travis May I please ask deputy travis junior to come on up? [whispering.]
I got a boner.
[whispering.]
I got a boner.
[whispering.]
I got a boner.
Dangle: What do you mean? Dangle: What do you mean? Dangle: What do you mean? You have a boner? You have a boner? You have a boner? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
like a boner boner? like a boner boner? like a boner boner? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
right now? right now? right now? right now.
right now.
right now.
from the speech? from the speech? from the speech? what speech? you actually got a boner? you actually got a boner? you actually got a boner? yeah.
Somebody else read the yeah.
Somebody else read the yeah.
Somebody else read the poem.
Poem.
Poem.
Jones: I've got a boner.
Jones: I've got a boner.
Jones: I've got a boner.
Dangle: You practiced.
Dangle: You practiced.
Dangle: You practiced.
Greenberg: Here we go.
Thank Greenberg: Here we go.
Thank Greenberg: Here we go.
Thank you.
You.
You.
[muttering.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[gunshot.]
[gunshot.]
[gunshot.]
oh, hey, garcia.
Um, I meant oh, hey, garcia.
Um, I meant oh, hey, garcia.
Um, I meant to tell you, uh, in the To tell you, uh, in the To tell you, uh, in the sheriff's, uh, will, he had some Sheriff's, uh, will, he had some Sheriff's, uh, will, he had some requests.
Requests.
Requests.
ok.
ok.
ok.
and he specifically and he specifically and he specifically requested, uh, who his Requested, uh, who his Requested, uh, who his pallbearers would be.
Pallbearers would be.
Pallbearers would be.
ok, great.
ok, great.
ok, great.
and he requested that you not and he requested that you not and he requested that you not be one.
Um, but he had a very, Be one.
Um, but he had a very, Be one.
Um, but he had a very, very good reason for that.
It Very good reason for that.
It Very good reason for that.
It was that he hated mexicans.
Was that he hated mexicans.
Was that he hated mexicans.
Sorry about that.
There was some Sorry about that.
There was some Sorry about that.
There was some wording in the will.
He said Wording in the will.
He said Wording in the will.
He said specifically, he said, "if Specifically, he said, "if Specifically, he said, "if there's mexicans there" There's mexicans there" There's mexicans there" yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
it wasn't as offensive on it wasn't as offensive on it wasn't as offensive on paper.
It didn't look that Paper.
It didn't look that Paper.
It didn't look that offensive.
Offensive.
Offensive.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
he just thought that mexicans he just thought that mexicans he just thought that mexicans might steal from his dead body Might steal from his dead body Might steal from his dead body if they were allowed to be close If they were allowed to be close If they were allowed to be close to it, so To it, so To it, so yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
don't take it the wrong way.
don't take it the wrong way.
don't take it the wrong way.
You seem upset.
You seem upset.
You seem upset.
no, I'm ok.
no, I'm ok.
no, I'm ok.
it's ok.
You're part of it's ok.
You're part of it's ok.
You're part of theYou're part of the TheYou're part of the TheYou're part of the ceremony, too.
You're just not Ceremony, too.
You're just not Ceremony, too.
You're just not allowed to touch the coffin.
Allowed to touch the coffin.
Allowed to touch the coffin.
I'm gonna have a good time.
I'm gonna have a good time.
I'm gonna have a good time.
he just didn't want mexicans he just didn't want mexicans he just didn't want mexicans touching the coffin Touching the coffin Touching the coffin that's ok, jim.
that's ok, jim.
that's ok, jim.
unless they were washing it.
unless they were washing it.
unless they were washing it.
He was very specific in what his He was very specific in what his He was very specific in what his notes were.
Notes were.
Notes were.
yeah, that's ok.
yeah, that's ok.
yeah, that's ok.
you all right? you all right? you all right? I'm all right.
I'm all right.
I'm all right.
you want a hug? You sure? you want a hug? You sure? you want a hug? You sure? [playing taps.]
[playing taps.]
[playing taps.]
dangle: 5, 6, 7 and 8.
Dangle: 5, 6, 7 and 8.
Dangle: 5, 6, 7 and 8.
And right.
AndFeet.
On your markLift.
On your markLift.
On your markLift.
[clang.]
Kimball: Is your side slippery? Kimball: Is your side slippery? Kimball: Is your side slippery? it's very slippery.
Very it's very slippery.
Very it's very slippery.
Very slippery.
[playing taps.]
[playing taps.]
[playing taps.]
ow! Shit! Fuck! ow! Shit! Fuck! ow! Shit! Fuck! Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck dangle: Ready? From the top? Dangle: Ready? From the top? Dangle: Ready? From the top? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
[straining.]
[straining.]
[straining.]
it might do it.
Shit.
it might do it.
Shit.
it might do it.
Shit.
[everyone gasps.]
Dangle: Company! Pre-- Dangle: Company! Pre-- Dangle: Company! Pre-- present! Ok, huddle up.
Huddle Present! Ok, huddle up.
Huddle Present! Ok, huddle up.
Huddle up.
It's really, Up.
It's really, Up.
It's really, really fucking slippery.
Really fucking slippery.
Really fucking slippery.
Junior: Somebody greased it or Junior: Somebody greased it or Junior: Somebody greased it or something.
Something.
Something.
Johnson: It's greasy, and it's Johnson: It's greasy, and it's Johnson: It's greasy, and it's hot.
Hot.
Hot.
Kimball: I don't know if it's Kimball: I don't know if it's Kimball: I don't know if it's bacon grease or what the hell it Bacon grease or what the hell it Bacon grease or what the hell it is.
Is.
Is.
Dangle: Uh, can we just leave Dangle: Uh, can we just leave Dangle: Uh, can we just leave it? [shouting orders.]
Lift! Lift! Lift! [playing taps.]
That way.
That way.
That way.
That way.
That way.
That way.
That way.
That way.
That way.
Lose the thing! Lose the thing! Lose the thing! [all screaming.]
[all screaming.]
[all screaming.]
dangle: Shh! Shh! Johnson: Help, help, help, help.
Johnson: Help, help, help, help.
Johnson: Help, help, help, help.
Dangle: It's on jones.
Dangle: It's on jones.
Dangle: It's on jones.
Jones: Ow! Jones: Ow! Jones: Ow! Dangle: It's on him.
Dangle: It's on him.
Dangle: It's on him.
Jones: Aah! Aah! It's ok.
It's Jones: Aah! Aah! It's ok.
It's Jones: Aah! Aah! It's ok.
It's ok.
Just push it.
Ok.
Just push it.
Ok.
Just push it.
Johnson: That's good.
Johnson: That's good.
Johnson: That's good.
Jones: I'll just stay here.
Dangle: At ease! Dangle: At ease! Dangle: At ease! [siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[gunshot.]
[gunshot.]
[gunshot.]
sheriff chechekevitch was a sheriff chechekevitch was a sheriff chechekevitch was a born leader.
He was a hero.
He Born leader.
He was a hero.
He Born leader.
He was a hero.
He was not afraid to take the wheel Was not afraid to take the wheel Was not afraid to take the wheel even if he was way to fucked to Even if he was way to fucked to Even if he was way to fucked to drive.
Drive.
Drive.
and he was in the passenger and he was in the passenger and he was in the passenger seat.
He did it on many Seat.
He did it on many Seat.
He did it on many occasions.
He would grab the Occasions.
He would grab the Occasions.
He would grab the wheel like a maniac, and you Wheel like a maniac, and you Wheel like a maniac, and you would have to slap at him to get Would have to slap at him to get Would have to slap at him to get him to let go.
He used to do a Him to let go.
He used to do a Him to let go.
He used to do a lot of drugs.
Lot of drugs.
Lot of drugs.
lot of drugs.
fellas.
fellas.
fellas.
Jones: Hey.
Jones: Hey.
Jones: Hey.
new evidence.
This is new evidence.
This is new evidence.
This is actually surveillance footage Actually surveillance footage Actually surveillance footage from the sheriff's department.
From the sheriff's department.
From the sheriff's department.
It's worth takin' a look at.
Pretty interesting.
Pretty interesting.
Pretty interesting.
Dangle: That's our nut parade Dangle: That's our nut parade Dangle: That's our nut parade machine, right? Machine, right? Machine, right? Junior: Yep.
Junior: Yep.
Junior: Yep.
Dangle: The one right in the Dangle: The one right in the Dangle: The one right in the break room.
Break room.
Break room.
Lab technician: Right.
Lab technician: Right.
Lab technician: Right.
Junior: The one with the picture Junior: The one with the picture Junior: The one with the picture of all the peanuts on every bar.
Of all the peanuts on every bar.
Of all the peanuts on every bar.
Dangle: Wasn't he deathly Dangle: Wasn't he deathly Dangle: Wasn't he deathly allergic to peanuts? Junior: New theory Junior: New theory Junior: New theory Dangle: Yeah? Dangle: Yeah? Dangle: Yeah? sheriff chechekevitch is just sheriff chechekevitch is just sheriff chechekevitch is just a fucking idiotWas.
A fucking idiotWas.
A fucking idiotWas.
we kind of knew that.
I'm not we kind of knew that.
I'm not we kind of knew that.
I'm not sure how you avenge Sure how you avenge Sure how you avenge Lab technician: Sort of Lab technician: Sort of Lab technician: Sort of changes Changes Changes Dangle: Yeah, yeah.
Dangle: Yeah, yeah.
Dangle: Yeah, yeah.
you know, nut parade bar you know, nut parade bar you know, nut parade bar commercials just talks about Commercials just talks about Commercials just talks about nothin' but peanuts.
Nothin' but peanuts.
Nothin' but peanuts.
parade of peanuts.
parade of peanuts.
parade of peanuts.
parade of peanuts.
parade of peanuts.
parade of peanuts.
like peanuts had a parade in like peanuts had a parade in like peanuts had a parade in your mouth.
Your mouth.
Your mouth.
Garcia: "every bar is the Garcia: "every bar is the Garcia: "every bar is the 4th of July.
" 4th of July.
" dangle: Yeah.
Peanuts had a Dangle: Yeah.
Peanuts had a Dangle: Yeah.
Peanuts had a parade.
ââ¢Âª if peanuts had Parade.
ââ¢Âª if peanuts had Parade.
ââ¢Âª if peanuts had a parade in your mouth, A parade in your mouth, A parade in your mouth, it would be a nut parade ââ¢Âª It would be a nut parade ââ¢Âª It would be a nut parade ââ¢Âª yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
ââ¢Âª if peanuts had a parade ââ¢Âª if peanuts had a parade ââ¢Âª if peanuts had a parade in your mouth ââ¢Âª In your mouth ââ¢Âª In your mouth ââ¢Âª we know how the fucking we know how the fucking we know how the fucking commercial goes.
Commercial goes.
Commercial goes.
Lab technician: [laughing.]
Lab technician: [laughing.]
Lab technician: [laughing.]
"parade in your mouth.
" that'd "parade in your mouth.
" that'd "parade in your mouth.
" that'd be fun.
Be fun.
Be fun.
just for a second, forget just for a second, forget just for a second, forget that we're officers of the law.
That we're officers of the law.
That we're officers of the law.
We're just buddies in a room.
We're just buddies in a room.
We're just buddies in a room.
we're homies, which we are.
we're homies, which we are.
we're homies, which we are.
We are.
We are.
We are.
are you stoned? Are you are you stoned? Are you are you stoned? Are you stoned right now? Stoned right now? Stoned right now? ha ha! On pot? ha ha! On pot? ha ha! On pot? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
It's the medical yeah.
It's the medical yeah.
It's the medical marijuana that I bought from an Marijuana that I bought from an Marijuana that I bought from an aids guy.
Aids guy.
Aids guy.
Dangle: You bought it from an Dangle: You bought it from an Dangle: You bought it from an aids guy? Aids guy? Aids guy? Garcia: This is nevada, not Garcia: This is nevada, not Garcia: This is nevada, not fucking willy wonkaville.
Dangle: Is that enough c-4 to Dangle: Is that enough c-4 to Dangle: Is that enough c-4 to do it? Do it? Do it? Junior: It's all we got.
Junior: It's all we got.
Junior: It's all we got.
Dangle: Ok.
Dangle: Ok.
Dangle: Ok.
mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Captioning institute Captioning institute that's it.
that's it.
that's it.
everybody ready? everybody ready? everybody ready? for sheriff chechekevitch.
Junior: Good job.
Really, really Junior: Good job.
Really, really Junior: Good job.
Really, really well done.
Well done.
Well done.
Williams: Rest in peace, walter.
Williams: Rest in peace, walter.
Williams: Rest in peace, walter.
[all screaming.]
[all screaming.]
[all screaming.]
dangle: Damn it! Dangle: Damn it! Dangle: Damn it! Johnson: Oh, it's in my ear! Get Johnson: Oh, it's in my ear! Get Johnson: Oh, it's in my ear! Get out! Get out! Get out! Out! Get out! Get out! Out! Get out! Get out! Garcia: It's out, it's out, Garcia: It's out, it's out, Garcia: It's out, it's out, it's out! Whoo!
I don't think--I The sheriff.
I don't think--I The sheriff.
I don't think--I don't think he's gonna make it.
Don't think he's gonna make it.
Don't think he's gonna make it.
avenge my death.
avenge my death.
avenge my death.
[heart monitor [heart monitor [heart monitor beeps steady tone.]
Beeps steady tone.]
Beeps steady tone.]
mrs.
Chechekevitz: Thank you Mrs.
Chechekevitz: Thank you Mrs.
Chechekevitz: Thank you for coming.
For coming.
For coming.
Junior: That's mrs.
Junior: That's mrs.
Junior: That's mrs.
Chechekevitch? Who the hell's Chechekevitch? Who the hell's Chechekevitch? Who the hell's that fella with her? That fella with her? That fella with her? Dangle: Uh, ladies and Dangle: Uh, ladies and Dangle: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I believe we have our Gentlemen, I believe we have our Gentlemen, I believe we have our number one suspect.
Number one suspect.
Number one suspect.
[shouting in armenian.]
[shouting in armenian.]
[shouting in armenian.]
uh uh uh [jones blowing.]
[jones blowing.]
[jones blowing.]
what was your relationship what was your relationship what was your relationship like with walter? Like with walter? Like with walter? it was great.
it was great.
it was great.
oh, was it? Was it great? It oh, was it? Was it great? It oh, was it? Was it great? It was great.
Was great.
Was great.
yeah, it was great.
yeah, it was great.
yeah, it was great.
yeah, he was a nice guy.
yeah, he was a nice guy.
yeah, he was a nice guy.
yeah, he was nice.
yeah, he was nice.
yeah, he was nice.
he was killed by peanuts.
he was killed by peanuts.
he was killed by peanuts.
Delicious peanuts.
Delicious peanuts.
Delicious peanuts.
mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
dangle: Come on, she tricked me! Dangle: Come on, she tricked me! Dangle: Come on, she tricked me! It was a trick! Williams: Whoa! [tweet.]
[tweet.]
[tweet.]
kimball: All right, ok.
I got Kimball: All right, ok.
I got Kimball: All right, ok.
I got him by the belt.
Wiegel: Get back in the Wiegel: Get back in the Wiegel: Get back in the building! No loitering! aah! Ha! [siren.]
Dangle: All right, look alive, Dangle: All right, look alive, Dangle: All right, look alive, people.
We know that sheriff People.
We know that sheriff People.
We know that sheriff chechekevitch is dead.
What else Chechekevitch is dead.
What else Chechekevitch is dead.
What else do we know? Do we know? Do we know? coroner says definitely coroner says definitely coroner says definitely poison.
Poison.
Poison.
wife has a $250,000 policy wife has a $250,000 policy wife has a $250,000 policy for her husband.
She's the For her husband.
She's the For her husband.
She's the beneficiary.
Beneficiary.
Beneficiary.
"seek whom the crime "seek whom the crime "seek whom the crime profits.
" what else do we know? Profits.
" what else do we know? Profits.
" what else do we know? uh, we also know that mrs.
uh, we also know that mrs.
uh, we also know that mrs.
Chechekevitch's boyfriend is in Chechekevitch's boyfriend is in Chechekevitch's boyfriend is in the armenian mafia.
The armenian mafia.
The armenian mafia.
Dangle: Uh-huh.
Excellent Dangle: Uh-huh.
Excellent Dangle: Uh-huh.
Excellent people.
And we know one other People.
And we know one other People.
And we know one other thing We know that we must avenge his We know that we must avenge his We know that we must avenge his death.
No one interrupted me.
Death.
No one interrupted me.
Death.
No one interrupted me.
That was wonderful.
That was the That was wonderful.
That was the That was wonderful.
That was the first time I ever got to say First time I ever got to say First time I ever got to say something-- Something-- Something-- well, you weren't even well, you weren't even well, you weren't even talking to us.
You were just Talking to us.
You were just Talking to us.
You were just talking to the camera.
Talking to the camera.
Talking to the camera.
Dangle: No, I wasn't talking to Dangle: No, I wasn't talking to Dangle: No, I wasn't talking to the camera.
I was talking to The camera.
I was talking to The camera.
I was talking to you.
You.
You.
Wiegel: I actually thought you Wiegel: I actually thought you Wiegel: I actually thought you were gonna say-- Were gonna say-- Were gonna say-- I opened up to the camera.
I opened up to the camera.
I opened up to the camera.
why'd you take your glasses why'd you take your glasses why'd you take your glasses off when you said that? Off when you said that? Off when you said that? 'cause it would look better 'cause it would look better 'cause it would look better for the camera.
For the camera.
For the camera.
it felt like you were about it felt like you were about it felt like you were about to say something much more To say something much more To say something much more interesting.
Interesting.
Interesting.
well, the sheriff asked us to well, the sheriff asked us to well, the sheriff asked us to avenge him-- Avenge him-- Avenge him-- I knew that.
I knew that.
I knew that.
Junior: Can we go? Junior: Can we go? Junior: Can we go? yes, we can go.
Jesus yes, we can go.
Jesus yes, we can go.
Jesus there's no reason to be a dick There's no reason to be a dick There's no reason to be a dick about it just 'cause I opened up About it just 'cause I opened up About it just 'cause I opened up to the camera.
To the camera.
To the camera.
Garcia: Should we take our Garcia: Should we take our Garcia: Should we take our glasses off? Glasses off? Glasses off? it's weird to us when you it's weird to us when you it's weird to us when you talk to the camera.
It's Talk to the camera.
It's Talk to the camera.
It's confusing to us.
Confusing to us.
Confusing to us.
Johnson: Drama queen! damn itDarn it.
Gosh, damn itDarn it.
Gosh, damn itDarn it.
Gosh, danner, darn it.
This is Danner, darn it.
This is Danner, darn it.
This is outrageous.
A man needs to be Outrageous.
A man needs to be Outrageous.
A man needs to be free toThis is--I'm--this is Free toThis is--I'm--this is Free toThis is--I'm--this is my job, so I just don't even My job, so I just don't even My job, so I just don't even know--I don't actually work Know--I don't actually work Know--I don't actually work here.
I'm volunteering my time.
Here.
I'm volunteering my time.
Here.
I'm volunteering my time.
My time is precious, as yours My time is precious, as yours My time is precious, as yours is, too, I'm sure.
And I'm Is, too, I'm sure.
And I'm Is, too, I'm sure.
And I'm just--why would I do something Just--why would I do something Just--why would I do something if it wasn't helping people?, so If it wasn't helping people?, so If it wasn't helping people?, so if I'm bringing a little joy to If I'm bringing a little joy to If I'm bringing a little joy to aTo the carnival-goers, then ATo the carnival-goers, then ATo the carnival-goers, then sue me, huh? So, I have a Sue me, huh? So, I have a Sue me, huh? So, I have a license for this.
This is License for this.
This is License for this.
This is I'm a licensed handler of I'm a licensed handler of I'm a licensed handler of nature's oddity.
Feel the snake.
Nature's oddity.
Feel the snake.
Nature's oddity.
Feel the snake.
The snake--and this is what I do The snake--and this is what I do The snake--and this is what I do forTo help people, so I don't ForTo help people, so I don't ForTo help people, so I don't know why you're staring at me Know why you're staring at me Know why you're staring at me like that.
Damn! Can't a man Like that.
Damn! Can't a man Like that.
Damn! Can't a man work in peace? People come up Work in peace? People come up Work in peace? People come up and they reach in under the And they reach in under the And they reach in under the curtain.
You got to keep the Curtain.
You got to keep the Curtain.
You got to keep the curtain closed, though, so don't Curtain closed, though, so don't Curtain closed, though, so don't even look in there because the Even look in there because the Even look in there because the serpent is very sensitive to Serpent is very sensitive to Serpent is very sensitive to light.
It's an albino.
Reach in Light.
It's an albino.
Reach in Light.
It's an albino.
Reach in and if you grasp it, the snake And if you grasp it, the snake And if you grasp it, the snake grows rigid in your grasp! One Grows rigid in your grasp! One Grows rigid in your grasp! One of a kind! I know that look.
You Of a kind! I know that look.
You Of a kind! I know that look.
You want to feel the nature's Want to feel the nature's Want to feel the nature's oddity, but you can't.
It's Oddity, but you can't.
It's Oddity, but you can't.
It's women--it's really just for Women--it's really just for Women--it's really just for women only.
Ow! Ok, see that Women only.
Ow! Ok, see that Women only.
Ow! Ok, see that hurts me when you do that.
Ha ha Hurts me when you do that.
Ha ha Hurts me when you do that.
Ha ha ha! Could you hold this just for Ha! Could you hold this just for Ha! Could you hold this just for a second? A second? A second? hey, hey! Ho! Hey! mrs.
Chechekevitch, we do mrs.
Chechekevitch, we do mrs.
Chechekevitch, we do extend our deepest sympathies to Extend our deepest sympathies to Extend our deepest sympathies to you in this time of grief, and You in this time of grief, and You in this time of grief, and we hope that you are enjoying We hope that you are enjoying We hope that you are enjoying the mylar balloons and muffin The mylar balloons and muffin The mylar balloons and muffin basket that we sent to comfort Basket that we sent to comfort Basket that we sent to comfort you.
You.
You.
yes, it was ok.
yes, it was ok.
yes, it was ok.
mm-hmm.
How are you getting mm-hmm.
How are you getting mm-hmm.
How are you getting along in your grief? We saw you Along in your grief? We saw you Along in your grief? We saw you doing shots at the bowling alley Doing shots at the bowling alley Doing shots at the bowling alley with a certain dark-skinned, With a certain dark-skinned, With a certain dark-skinned, swarthy man.
Swarthy man.
Swarthy man.
walter always said, "life is walter always said, "life is walter always said, "life is for the living.
" For the living.
" For the living.
" what's interesting is that in what's interesting is that in what's interesting is that in death, you gonna end up having Death, you gonna end up having Death, you gonna end up having the best time of your life The best time of your life The best time of your life 'cause it turns out your husband 'cause it turns out your husband 'cause it turns out your husband had an insurance policy worth Had an insurance policy worth Had an insurance policy worth Johnson: Hello.
Somethin' Johnson: Hello.
Somethin' Johnson: Hello.
Somethin' stinks, all right? And it stinks Stinks, all right? And it stinks Stinks, all right? And it stinks like Like Like Williams: Peroxide and Williams: Peroxide and Williams: Peroxide and Johnson: Well, thatI just did Johnson: Well, thatI just did Johnson: Well, thatI just did that last night.
That last night.
That last night.
Williams: Sorry.
Williams: Sorry.
Williams: Sorry.
Johnson: Ok.
how's everyone's vagina how's everyone's vagina how's everyone's vagina today? Feeling good? Today? Feeling good? Today? Feeling good? great.
great.
great.
[recording of whales singing.]
[recording of whales singing.]
[recording of whales singing.]
that rubbing you did on them that rubbing you did on them that rubbing you did on them last week was really great.
Last week was really great.
Last week was really great.
[laughing.]
let's turn.
Lot of [laughing.]
let's turn.
Lot of [laughing.]
let's turn.
Lot of people think sex is wrong.
People think sex is wrong.
People think sex is wrong.
They're ashamed of it.
It's They're ashamed of it.
It's They're ashamed of it.
It's nothing to be ashamed about.
Nothing to be ashamed about.
Nothing to be ashamed about.
Nothing to be ashamed about at Nothing to be ashamed about at Nothing to be ashamed about at all.
It's nature.
It's All.
It's nature.
It's All.
It's nature.
It's beautiful.
God created 69.
You Beautiful.
God created 69.
You Beautiful.
God created 69.
You know, whales 69? People laugh at Know, whales 69? People laugh at Know, whales 69? People laugh at that, but it's true.
They do.
That, but it's true.
They do.
That, but it's true.
They do.
It's in nature.
If it's in It's in nature.
If it's in It's in nature.
If it's in nature, it's beautiful.
Nature, it's beautiful.
Nature, it's beautiful.
Fisting.
And don't be afraid Fisting.
And don't be afraid Fisting.
And don't be afraid of the buttocks.
Do not be Of the buttocks.
Do not be Of the buttocks.
Do not be afraid of the top of the Afraid of the top of the Afraid of the top of the buttocks.
Buttocks.
Buttocks.
Wiegel: You feel that? I'm Wiegel: You feel that? I'm Wiegel: You feel that? I'm alreadyI'm sort of up your AlreadyI'm sort of up your AlreadyI'm sort of up your anus a little bit.
Anus a little bit.
Anus a little bit.
that's ok.
That's ok.
A lot that's ok.
That's ok.
A lot that's ok.
That's ok.
A lot of nerve endings.
Of nerve endings.
Of nerve endings.
let me ask you a question.
let me ask you a question.
let me ask you a question.
You eat the dark piece of meat You eat the dark piece of meat You eat the dark piece of meat off the chicken? Off the chicken? Off the chicken? Wiegel: Raineesha, you're Wiegel: Raineesha, you're Wiegel: Raineesha, you're embarrassing me.
I'm so sorry.
Embarrassing me.
I'm so sorry.
Embarrassing me.
I'm so sorry.
you know what I'm in the you know what I'm in the you know what I'm in the middle of right now? A saucy Middle of right now? A saucy Middle of right now? A saucy sandwich, and I like it.
I don't Sandwich, and I like it.
I don't Sandwich, and I like it.
I don't want to go anywhere.
Want to go anywhere.
Want to go anywhere.
Wiegel: [gasp.]
Wiegel: [gasp.]
Wiegel: [gasp.]
what's wrong? what's wrong? what's wrong? oh, my god.
I think my water oh, my god.
I think my water oh, my god.
I think my water just broke.
Just broke.
Just broke.
whoa! whoa! whoa! trudy, did your water break? trudy, did your water break? trudy, did your water break? Wiegel: Oh, my god.
Wiegel: Oh, my god.
Wiegel: Oh, my god.
Williams: Oh.
My god.
Oh, my Williams: Oh.
My god.
Oh, my Williams: Oh.
My god.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
God.
Oh, my god.
God.
Oh, my god.
just breathe, relax.
just breathe, relax.
just breathe, relax.
oh, wait.
Hold on a second.
oh, wait.
Hold on a second.
oh, wait.
Hold on a second.
Someone left a mountain dew Someone left a mountain dew Someone left a mountain dew here.
It wasn't my water.
Garcia: Let's see what's goin' Garcia: Let's see what's goin' Garcia: Let's see what's goin' on.
Calm down.
We're here.
On.
Calm down.
We're here.
On.
Calm down.
We're here.
this guy come by, this guy come by, this guy come by, trespassin' here on a Sunday.
Trespassin' here on a Sunday.
Trespassin' here on a Sunday.
Garcia: Ok.
Garcia: Ok.
Garcia: Ok.
yeah, I run my own business yeah, I run my own business yeah, I run my own business out of here, but I'm closed on Out of here, but I'm closed on Out of here, but I'm closed on sundays.
I make that very clear Sundays.
I make that very clear Sundays.
I make that very clear to all my customers.
And he came To all my customers.
And he came To all my customers.
And he came by here on a Sunday, trying to By here on a Sunday, trying to By here on a Sunday, trying to buy weed, and I said, "I'm Buy weed, and I said, "I'm Buy weed, and I said, "I'm closed on sundays, man!" Closed on sundays, man!" Closed on sundays, man!" garcia: Ho, whoa, whoa, whoa, Garcia: Ho, whoa, whoa, whoa, Garcia: Ho, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Can we take a look at your Whoa.
Can we take a look at your Whoa.
Can we take a look at your weed in there, sir? Weed in there, sir? Weed in there, sir? hell, no.
I told you I'm hell, no.
I told you I'm hell, no.
I told you I'm closed on Sunday! Then you Closed on Sunday! Then you Closed on Sunday! Then you guys'd be trespassin'.
I ought Guys'd be trespassin'.
I ought Guys'd be trespassin'.
I ought to citizen's arrest you right To citizen's arrest you right To citizen's arrest you right now.
You gotta go arrest this Now.
You gotta go arrest this Now.
You gotta go arrest this guy for trespassin'.
Guy for trespassin'.
Guy for trespassin'.
Garcia: Well, where is he? Garcia: Well, where is he? Garcia: Well, where is he? I'll fire you! You're fired! I'll fire you! You're fired! I'll fire you! You're fired! whoa.
whoa.
whoa.
you're fired! you're fired! you're fired! keep your voice down, sir.
keep your voice down, sir.
keep your voice down, sir.
I will not--freedom of I will not--freedom of I will not--freedom of speech! First amendment! You can Speech! First amendment! You can Speech! First amendment! You can yell as loud as you want! Yell as loud as you want! Yell as loud as you want! sir, I sir, I sir, I what are you doin'? what are you doin'? what are you doin'? you can come with us you can come with us you can come with us peacefully.
Peacefully.
Peacefully.
you can come with me you can come with me you can come with me peacefully.
Peacefully.
Peacefully.
the hard way or the easy the hard way or the easy the hard way or the easy way, sir? Way, sir? Way, sir? I'm gonna arrest you and put I'm gonna arrest you and put I'm gonna arrest you and put you in my bathroom! How 'bout You in my bathroom! How 'bout You in my bathroom! How 'bout that? That? That? I can see the marijuana from I can see the marijuana from I can see the marijuana from here, sir.
I can smell it.
Here, sir.
I can smell it.
Here, sir.
I can smell it.
that's not even my good that's not even my good that's not even my good stuff.
That's the ditch weed.
I Stuff.
That's the ditch weed.
I Stuff.
That's the ditch weed.
I keep the good stuff in back with Keep the good stuff in back with Keep the good stuff in back with the cocaine.
Rape! You're tryin' The cocaine.
Rape! You're tryin' The cocaine.
Rape! You're tryin' to rape me! my name is scott greenberg.
I my name is scott greenberg.
I my name is scott greenberg.
I am the district attorney, and Am the district attorney, and Am the district attorney, and I've been asked to say a few I've been asked to say a few I've been asked to say a few words for one of our finest, Words for one of our finest, Words for one of our finest, walter chenekevitz.
Chekene-- Walter chenekevitz.
Chekene-- Walter chenekevitz.
Chekene-- chekenevits.
Ok, cheke-- Chekenevits.
Ok, cheke-- Chekenevits.
Ok, cheke-- chekenevitz.
Chenukevitz? Che-- Chekenevitz.
Chenukevitz? Che-- Chekenevitz.
Chenukevitz? Che-- the sheriff.
I'd like to send my The sheriff.
I'd like to send my The sheriff.
I'd like to send my condolences out to, uh, the Condolences out to, uh, the Condolences out to, uh, the sheriff's lovely wife, Sheriff's lovely wife, Sheriff's lovely wife, mrs.
Chekenevitz, and her Mrs.
Chekenevitz, and her Mrs.
Chekenevitz, and her boyfriend.
[siren.]
[stilted.]
when jesus did his [stilted.]
when jesus did his [stilted.]
when jesus did his holy works, one was to raise a Holy works, one was to raise a Holy works, one was to raise a man from the dead.
That man was Man from the dead.
That man was Man from the dead.
That man was named lazarus.
And now, from Named lazarus.
And now, from Named lazarus.
And now, from police tek 2000, there's a Police tek 2000, there's a Police tek 2000, there's a bicycle lock that bears his Bicycle lock that bears his Bicycle lock that bears his name, and, yes, it is a miracle Name, and, yes, it is a miracle Name, and, yes, it is a miracle of bicycle safety.
Let me show Of bicycle safety.
Let me show Of bicycle safety.
Let me show you, but not with these You, but not with these You, but not with these professional bolt cutters.
Professional bolt cutters.
Professional bolt cutters.
[stilted.]
here's a shotgun, [stilted.]
here's a shotgun, [stilted.]
here's a shotgun, but wait.
You're not gonna shoot But wait.
You're not gonna shoot But wait.
You're not gonna shoot it at that bike lock, are you? It at that bike lock, are you? It at that bike lock, are you? You'll break it.
You'll break it.
You'll break it.
yes.
A european bike lock yes.
A european bike lock yes.
A european bike lock would, but this is the police Would, but this is the police Would, but this is the police tek 2000 lazarus, made right Tek 2000 lazarus, made right Tek 2000 lazarus, made right here in north america.
Just Here in north america.
Just Here in north america.
Just watch.
wow, it looks as good as if wow, it looks as good as if wow, it looks as good as if it had just come out of the It had just come out of the It had just come out of the original packaging.
Original packaging.
Original packaging.
try this yourself if you try this yourself if you try this yourself if you don't believe me, but that's not Don't believe me, but that's not Don't believe me, but that's not all.
Here.
Hand me that lock, All.
Here.
Hand me that lock, All.
Here.
Hand me that lock, deputy.
Deputy.
Deputy.
[zapping noise.]
[zapping noise.]
[zapping noise.]
yi! Fuck aah, gee! Fuck! yi! Fuck aah, gee! Fuck! yi! Fuck aah, gee! Fuck! ButAah! God! ButAah! God! ButAah! God! that jolt and that burning that jolt and that burning that jolt and that burning smell tell you that lazarus's Smell tell you that lazarus's Smell tell you that lazarus's self-contained tasing system is Self-contained tasing system is Self-contained tasing system is working.
So next time, make your Working.
So next time, make your Working.
So next time, make your bike lock the only one powerful Bike lock the only one powerful Bike lock the only one powerful enough to carry the name of the Enough to carry the name of the Enough to carry the name of the man that jesus rose from the Man that jesus rose from the Man that jesus rose from the dead--lazarus.
Dead--lazarus.
Dead--lazarus.
Both: Your bike will think it's Both: Your bike will think it's Both: Your bike will think it's heavenly.
Heavenly.
Heavenly.
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[gunshot.]
[gunshot.]
[gunshot.]
what can I say about walter what can I say about walter what can I say about walter chemekevitz.
He did say there Chemekevitz.
He did say there Chemekevitz.
He did say there are 16 points that you should Are 16 points that you should Are 16 points that you should follow to be a good district Follow to be a good district Follow to be a good district attorney.
Number one: Hygiene.
Attorney.
Number one: Hygiene.
Attorney.
Number one: Hygiene.
Hygiene was very important to Hygiene was very important to Hygiene was very important to walter chenokevitz.
Brush your Walter chenokevitz.
Brush your Walter chenokevitz.
Brush your teeth, wash, trim.
Number 8: Teeth, wash, trim.
Number 8: Teeth, wash, trim.
Number 8: Always use oil paint in a Always use oil paint in a Always use oil paint in a bathroom.
Now, I had made the Bathroom.
Now, I had made the Bathroom.
Now, I had made the mistake of asking leo's-- Mistake of asking leo's-- Mistake of asking leo's-- walter's-- you were always someone that you were always someone that you were always someone that I held in the highest regard and I held in the highest regard and I held in the highest regard and had a great deal of respect for.
Had a great deal of respect for.
Had a great deal of respect for.
why, thank you, sheriff.
why, thank you, sheriff.
why, thank you, sheriff.
what was your first name what was your first name what was your first name again? Again? Again? jim.
jim.
jim.
jim.
Yeah, jim.
Jim.
jim.
Yeah, jim.
Jim.
jim.
Yeah, jim.
Jim.
oh, god, wait.
Wait.
There oh, god, wait.
Wait.
There oh, god, wait.
Wait.
There was something really important I Was something really important I Was something really important I was meaning to ask you.
Who Was meaning to ask you.
Who Was meaning to ask you.
Who killed you? Killed you? Killed you? I really don't know.
I really don't know.
I really don't know.
oh, that would've been so oh, that would've been so oh, that would've been so good if you knew.
Is this the Good if you knew.
Is this the Good if you knew.
Is this the first sign that I'm gonna be First sign that I'm gonna be First sign that I'm gonna be haunted by you for years? Haunted by you for years? Haunted by you for years? perhaps.
perhaps.
perhaps.
perhaps.
If we could get some perhaps.
If we could get some perhaps.
If we could get some sort of scrooge and marley Sort of scrooge and marley Sort of scrooge and marley relationship going on that's Relationship going on that's Relationship going on that's like sort of date-specific.
Like sort of date-specific.
Like sort of date-specific.
'cause I just don't want to 'cause I just don't want to 'cause I just don't want to generally--never, you know, go Generally--never, you know, go Generally--never, you know, go to bed every night not knowing, To bed every night not knowing, To bed every night not knowing, "oh, is the sheriff walking the "oh, is the sheriff walking the "oh, is the sheriff walking the earth?" Earth?" Earth?" I'll get back to you on that I'll get back to you on that I'll get back to you on that because II need to get my Because II need to get my Because II need to get my calendar in order.
I think you Calendar in order.
I think you Calendar in order.
I think you understand that.
Understand that.
Understand that.
ok, now you're mad.
ok, now you're mad.
ok, now you're mad.
Greenberg: Now, number 10 is a Greenberg: Now, number 10 is a Greenberg: Now, number 10 is a tricky one because it's kind of Tricky one because it's kind of Tricky one because it's kind of a 10-a, kind of 10-b thing.
A 10-a, kind of 10-b thing.
A 10-a, kind of 10-b thing.
So I'll start with 10-a.
So I'll start with 10-a.
So I'll start with 10-a.
Now, 10-a is, "never let your Now, 10-a is, "never let your Now, 10-a is, "never let your hair get below shoulder length.
" Hair get below shoulder length.
" Hair get below shoulder length.
" [gasp.]
[gasp.]
[gasp.]
hi! Hi! Hi! how are you? how are you? how are you? I'm ok.
How are you? I'm ok.
How are you? I'm ok.
How are you? beautiful day, isn't it? beautiful day, isn't it? beautiful day, isn't it? it is.
Hey, have you seen my it is.
Hey, have you seen my it is.
Hey, have you seen my mom? Mom? Mom? you mean today? you mean today? you mean today? yeah, just sort of hovering yeah, just sort of hovering yeah, just sort of hovering about or whatever? She's About or whatever? She's About or whatever? She's actuallyI don't know that ActuallyI don't know that ActuallyI don't know that she's up there necessarily.
She's up there necessarily.
She's up there necessarily.
well, I--I would--we're all well, I--I would--we're all well, I--I would--we're all up there in a way.
Up there in a way.
Up there in a way.
well, in other words, no, you well, in other words, no, you well, in other words, no, you haven't seen her 'cause she's in Haven't seen her 'cause she's in Haven't seen her 'cause she's in hell.
Hell.
Hell.
but I may see her.
but I may see her.
but I may see her.
don't worry.
You don't have don't worry.
You don't have don't worry.
You don't have to To To I may see her soon.
I may see her soon.
I may see her soon.
you're not gonna see her.
you're not gonna see her.
you're not gonna see her.
I notice you're great with I notice you're great with I notice you're great with child.
Child.
Child.
I am great with child.
This I am great with child.
This I am great with child.
This is my thing about childhood, Is my thing about childhood, Is my thing about childhood, about raising a child.
Someday About raising a child.
Someday About raising a child.
Someday when my kid grows up and learns When my kid grows up and learns When my kid grows up and learns to resent me and hate me, I can To resent me and hate me, I can To resent me and hate me, I can go, "you know what?" my eyes Go, "you know what?" my eyes Go, "you know what?" my eyes filled with tears, and I have Filled with tears, and I have Filled with tears, and I have cold cream all over my face Cold cream all over my face Cold cream all over my face probably, and I'm in my Probably, and I'm in my Probably, and I'm in my nightgown 'cause he--I was Nightgown 'cause he--I was Nightgown 'cause he--I was waiting up all night for him Waiting up all night for him Waiting up all night for him to come home.
To come home.
To come home.
you're in your nightie.
you're in your nightie.
you're in your nightie.
he didn't come home.
He took he didn't come home.
He took he didn't come home.
He took my god damn car, My god damn car, My god damn car, and I'm waiting, And I'm waiting, And I'm waiting, and he doesn't come home, and he And he doesn't come home, and he And he doesn't come home, and he finally comes home, and there I Finally comes home, and there I Finally comes home, and there I am in a chair in a dark corner Am in a chair in a dark corner Am in a chair in a dark corner with a cigarette and a bourbon, With a cigarette and a bourbon, With a cigarette and a bourbon, and I go And I go And I go bourbon on the rocks? bourbon on the rocks? bourbon on the rocks? "you know what? I did the "you know what? I did the "you know what? I did the best I could.
" Best I could.
" Best I could.
" now, that's sayin' a lot.
now, that's sayin' a lot.
now, that's sayin' a lot.
yeah.
I can't wait.
I'm so yeah.
I can't wait.
I'm so yeah.
I can't wait.
I'm so excited.
Excited.
Excited.
Greenberg: And I'm like, "what Greenberg: And I'm like, "what Greenberg: And I'm like, "what is that? Is that a jet pack?" Is that? Is that a jet pack?" Is that? Is that a jet pack?" and he said, "no, it's a rocket And he said, "no, it's a rocket And he said, "no, it's a rocket belt.
" so I'm out with walter, Belt.
" so I'm out with walter, Belt.
" so I'm out with walter, and we're at the park, and we're And we're at the park, and we're And we're at the park, and we're gonna test the jet pack.
Gonna test the jet pack.
Gonna test the jet pack.
Sorry--rocket belt.
And, uh, the Sorry--rocket belt.
And, uh, the Sorry--rocket belt.
And, uh, the thing goes off.
You know, I have Thing goes off.
You know, I have Thing goes off.
You know, I have to light it.
He'sYou know, To light it.
He'sYou know, To light it.
He'sYou know, it's made ofIs it butane? [rock music playing.]
ââ¢Âªshe's my cherry pie, ââ¢Âªshe's my cherry pie, ââ¢Âªshe's my cherry pie, cold till you warm it, Cold till you warm it, Cold till you warm it, such a sweet surprise, Such a sweet surprise, Such a sweet surprise, tastes so good Tastes so good Tastes so good make a grown man cry, Make a grown man cry, Make a grown man cry, sweet cherry pie, oh, yeah, Sweet cherry pie, oh, yeah, Sweet cherry pie, oh, yeah, she's my cherry pie, She's my cherry pie, She's my cherry pie, smile on your face Smile on your face Smile on your face looks so good Looks so good Looks so good bring a tear to your eye, Bring a tear to your eye, Bring a tear to your eye, sweet cherry pie-yi-I-I, Sweet cherry pie-yi-I-I, Sweet cherry pie-yi-I-I, ah-ah-I, Ah-ah-I, Ah-ah-I, oh, swing it ââ¢Âª now a reading of the road now a reading of the road now a reading of the road less traveled by robert fropps.
Less traveled by robert fropps.
Less traveled by robert fropps.
May I please ask deputy travis May I please ask deputy travis May I please ask deputy travis junior to come on up? [whispering.]
I got a boner.
[whispering.]
I got a boner.
[whispering.]
I got a boner.
Dangle: What do you mean? Dangle: What do you mean? Dangle: What do you mean? You have a boner? You have a boner? You have a boner? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
like a boner boner? like a boner boner? like a boner boner? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
right now? right now? right now? right now.
right now.
right now.
from the speech? from the speech? from the speech? what speech? you actually got a boner? you actually got a boner? you actually got a boner? yeah.
Somebody else read the yeah.
Somebody else read the yeah.
Somebody else read the poem.
Poem.
Poem.
Jones: I've got a boner.
Jones: I've got a boner.
Jones: I've got a boner.
Dangle: You practiced.
Dangle: You practiced.
Dangle: You practiced.
Greenberg: Here we go.
Thank Greenberg: Here we go.
Thank Greenberg: Here we go.
Thank you.
You.
You.
[muttering.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[gunshot.]
[gunshot.]
[gunshot.]
oh, hey, garcia.
Um, I meant oh, hey, garcia.
Um, I meant oh, hey, garcia.
Um, I meant to tell you, uh, in the To tell you, uh, in the To tell you, uh, in the sheriff's, uh, will, he had some Sheriff's, uh, will, he had some Sheriff's, uh, will, he had some requests.
Requests.
Requests.
ok.
ok.
ok.
and he specifically and he specifically and he specifically requested, uh, who his Requested, uh, who his Requested, uh, who his pallbearers would be.
Pallbearers would be.
Pallbearers would be.
ok, great.
ok, great.
ok, great.
and he requested that you not and he requested that you not and he requested that you not be one.
Um, but he had a very, Be one.
Um, but he had a very, Be one.
Um, but he had a very, very good reason for that.
It Very good reason for that.
It Very good reason for that.
It was that he hated mexicans.
Was that he hated mexicans.
Was that he hated mexicans.
Sorry about that.
There was some Sorry about that.
There was some Sorry about that.
There was some wording in the will.
He said Wording in the will.
He said Wording in the will.
He said specifically, he said, "if Specifically, he said, "if Specifically, he said, "if there's mexicans there" There's mexicans there" There's mexicans there" yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
it wasn't as offensive on it wasn't as offensive on it wasn't as offensive on paper.
It didn't look that Paper.
It didn't look that Paper.
It didn't look that offensive.
Offensive.
Offensive.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
he just thought that mexicans he just thought that mexicans he just thought that mexicans might steal from his dead body Might steal from his dead body Might steal from his dead body if they were allowed to be close If they were allowed to be close If they were allowed to be close to it, so To it, so To it, so yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
don't take it the wrong way.
don't take it the wrong way.
don't take it the wrong way.
You seem upset.
You seem upset.
You seem upset.
no, I'm ok.
no, I'm ok.
no, I'm ok.
it's ok.
You're part of it's ok.
You're part of it's ok.
You're part of theYou're part of the TheYou're part of the TheYou're part of the ceremony, too.
You're just not Ceremony, too.
You're just not Ceremony, too.
You're just not allowed to touch the coffin.
Allowed to touch the coffin.
Allowed to touch the coffin.
I'm gonna have a good time.
I'm gonna have a good time.
I'm gonna have a good time.
he just didn't want mexicans he just didn't want mexicans he just didn't want mexicans touching the coffin Touching the coffin Touching the coffin that's ok, jim.
that's ok, jim.
that's ok, jim.
unless they were washing it.
unless they were washing it.
unless they were washing it.
He was very specific in what his He was very specific in what his He was very specific in what his notes were.
Notes were.
Notes were.
yeah, that's ok.
yeah, that's ok.
yeah, that's ok.
you all right? you all right? you all right? I'm all right.
I'm all right.
I'm all right.
you want a hug? You sure? you want a hug? You sure? you want a hug? You sure? [playing taps.]
[playing taps.]
[playing taps.]
dangle: 5, 6, 7 and 8.
Dangle: 5, 6, 7 and 8.
Dangle: 5, 6, 7 and 8.
And right.
AndFeet.
On your markLift.
On your markLift.
On your markLift.
[clang.]
Kimball: Is your side slippery? Kimball: Is your side slippery? Kimball: Is your side slippery? it's very slippery.
Very it's very slippery.
Very it's very slippery.
Very slippery.
[playing taps.]
[playing taps.]
[playing taps.]
ow! Shit! Fuck! ow! Shit! Fuck! ow! Shit! Fuck! Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck dangle: Ready? From the top? Dangle: Ready? From the top? Dangle: Ready? From the top? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
[straining.]
[straining.]
[straining.]
it might do it.
Shit.
it might do it.
Shit.
it might do it.
Shit.
[everyone gasps.]
Dangle: Company! Pre-- Dangle: Company! Pre-- Dangle: Company! Pre-- present! Ok, huddle up.
Huddle Present! Ok, huddle up.
Huddle Present! Ok, huddle up.
Huddle up.
It's really, Up.
It's really, Up.
It's really, really fucking slippery.
Really fucking slippery.
Really fucking slippery.
Junior: Somebody greased it or Junior: Somebody greased it or Junior: Somebody greased it or something.
Something.
Something.
Johnson: It's greasy, and it's Johnson: It's greasy, and it's Johnson: It's greasy, and it's hot.
Hot.
Hot.
Kimball: I don't know if it's Kimball: I don't know if it's Kimball: I don't know if it's bacon grease or what the hell it Bacon grease or what the hell it Bacon grease or what the hell it is.
Is.
Is.
Dangle: Uh, can we just leave Dangle: Uh, can we just leave Dangle: Uh, can we just leave it? [shouting orders.]
Lift! Lift! Lift! [playing taps.]
That way.
That way.
That way.
That way.
That way.
That way.
That way.
That way.
That way.
Lose the thing! Lose the thing! Lose the thing! [all screaming.]
[all screaming.]
[all screaming.]
dangle: Shh! Shh! Johnson: Help, help, help, help.
Johnson: Help, help, help, help.
Johnson: Help, help, help, help.
Dangle: It's on jones.
Dangle: It's on jones.
Dangle: It's on jones.
Jones: Ow! Jones: Ow! Jones: Ow! Dangle: It's on him.
Dangle: It's on him.
Dangle: It's on him.
Jones: Aah! Aah! It's ok.
It's Jones: Aah! Aah! It's ok.
It's Jones: Aah! Aah! It's ok.
It's ok.
Just push it.
Ok.
Just push it.
Ok.
Just push it.
Johnson: That's good.
Johnson: That's good.
Johnson: That's good.
Jones: I'll just stay here.
Dangle: At ease! Dangle: At ease! Dangle: At ease! [siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[gunshot.]
[gunshot.]
[gunshot.]
sheriff chechekevitch was a sheriff chechekevitch was a sheriff chechekevitch was a born leader.
He was a hero.
He Born leader.
He was a hero.
He Born leader.
He was a hero.
He was not afraid to take the wheel Was not afraid to take the wheel Was not afraid to take the wheel even if he was way to fucked to Even if he was way to fucked to Even if he was way to fucked to drive.
Drive.
Drive.
and he was in the passenger and he was in the passenger and he was in the passenger seat.
He did it on many Seat.
He did it on many Seat.
He did it on many occasions.
He would grab the Occasions.
He would grab the Occasions.
He would grab the wheel like a maniac, and you Wheel like a maniac, and you Wheel like a maniac, and you would have to slap at him to get Would have to slap at him to get Would have to slap at him to get him to let go.
He used to do a Him to let go.
He used to do a Him to let go.
He used to do a lot of drugs.
Lot of drugs.
Lot of drugs.
lot of drugs.
fellas.
fellas.
fellas.
Jones: Hey.
Jones: Hey.
Jones: Hey.
new evidence.
This is new evidence.
This is new evidence.
This is actually surveillance footage Actually surveillance footage Actually surveillance footage from the sheriff's department.
From the sheriff's department.
From the sheriff's department.
It's worth takin' a look at.
Pretty interesting.
Pretty interesting.
Pretty interesting.
Dangle: That's our nut parade Dangle: That's our nut parade Dangle: That's our nut parade machine, right? Machine, right? Machine, right? Junior: Yep.
Junior: Yep.
Junior: Yep.
Dangle: The one right in the Dangle: The one right in the Dangle: The one right in the break room.
Break room.
Break room.
Lab technician: Right.
Lab technician: Right.
Lab technician: Right.
Junior: The one with the picture Junior: The one with the picture Junior: The one with the picture of all the peanuts on every bar.
Of all the peanuts on every bar.
Of all the peanuts on every bar.
Dangle: Wasn't he deathly Dangle: Wasn't he deathly Dangle: Wasn't he deathly allergic to peanuts? Junior: New theory Junior: New theory Junior: New theory Dangle: Yeah? Dangle: Yeah? Dangle: Yeah? sheriff chechekevitch is just sheriff chechekevitch is just sheriff chechekevitch is just a fucking idiotWas.
A fucking idiotWas.
A fucking idiotWas.
we kind of knew that.
I'm not we kind of knew that.
I'm not we kind of knew that.
I'm not sure how you avenge Sure how you avenge Sure how you avenge Lab technician: Sort of Lab technician: Sort of Lab technician: Sort of changes Changes Changes Dangle: Yeah, yeah.
Dangle: Yeah, yeah.
Dangle: Yeah, yeah.
you know, nut parade bar you know, nut parade bar you know, nut parade bar commercials just talks about Commercials just talks about Commercials just talks about nothin' but peanuts.
Nothin' but peanuts.
Nothin' but peanuts.
parade of peanuts.
parade of peanuts.
parade of peanuts.
parade of peanuts.
parade of peanuts.
parade of peanuts.
like peanuts had a parade in like peanuts had a parade in like peanuts had a parade in your mouth.
Your mouth.
Your mouth.
Garcia: "every bar is the Garcia: "every bar is the Garcia: "every bar is the 4th of July.
" 4th of July.
" dangle: Yeah.
Peanuts had a Dangle: Yeah.
Peanuts had a Dangle: Yeah.
Peanuts had a parade.
ââ¢Âª if peanuts had Parade.
ââ¢Âª if peanuts had Parade.
ââ¢Âª if peanuts had a parade in your mouth, A parade in your mouth, A parade in your mouth, it would be a nut parade ââ¢Âª It would be a nut parade ââ¢Âª It would be a nut parade ââ¢Âª yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
ââ¢Âª if peanuts had a parade ââ¢Âª if peanuts had a parade ââ¢Âª if peanuts had a parade in your mouth ââ¢Âª In your mouth ââ¢Âª In your mouth ââ¢Âª we know how the fucking we know how the fucking we know how the fucking commercial goes.
Commercial goes.
Commercial goes.
Lab technician: [laughing.]
Lab technician: [laughing.]
Lab technician: [laughing.]
"parade in your mouth.
" that'd "parade in your mouth.
" that'd "parade in your mouth.
" that'd be fun.
Be fun.
Be fun.
just for a second, forget just for a second, forget just for a second, forget that we're officers of the law.
That we're officers of the law.
That we're officers of the law.
We're just buddies in a room.
We're just buddies in a room.
We're just buddies in a room.
we're homies, which we are.
we're homies, which we are.
we're homies, which we are.
We are.
We are.
We are.
are you stoned? Are you are you stoned? Are you are you stoned? Are you stoned right now? Stoned right now? Stoned right now? ha ha! On pot? ha ha! On pot? ha ha! On pot? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
It's the medical yeah.
It's the medical yeah.
It's the medical marijuana that I bought from an Marijuana that I bought from an Marijuana that I bought from an aids guy.
Aids guy.
Aids guy.
Dangle: You bought it from an Dangle: You bought it from an Dangle: You bought it from an aids guy? Aids guy? Aids guy? Garcia: This is nevada, not Garcia: This is nevada, not Garcia: This is nevada, not fucking willy wonkaville.
Dangle: Is that enough c-4 to Dangle: Is that enough c-4 to Dangle: Is that enough c-4 to do it? Do it? Do it? Junior: It's all we got.
Junior: It's all we got.
Junior: It's all we got.
Dangle: Ok.
Dangle: Ok.
Dangle: Ok.
mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Captioning institute Captioning institute that's it.
that's it.
that's it.
everybody ready? everybody ready? everybody ready? for sheriff chechekevitch.
Junior: Good job.
Really, really Junior: Good job.
Really, really Junior: Good job.
Really, really well done.
Well done.
Well done.
Williams: Rest in peace, walter.
Williams: Rest in peace, walter.
Williams: Rest in peace, walter.
[all screaming.]
[all screaming.]
[all screaming.]
dangle: Damn it! Dangle: Damn it! Dangle: Damn it! Johnson: Oh, it's in my ear! Get Johnson: Oh, it's in my ear! Get Johnson: Oh, it's in my ear! Get out! Get out! Get out! Out! Get out! Get out! Out! Get out! Get out! Garcia: It's out, it's out, Garcia: It's out, it's out, Garcia: It's out, it's out, it's out! Whoo!