Rick and Morty (2013) s03e07 Episode Script

The Ricklantis Mixup

All right, Morty, you ready for our adventure to the Lost City of Atlantis? Ready as I'll ever be, Rick.
For [Bleep.]
Hello, I'm Rick K-22.
This is my Morty.
We're going from reality to reality asking Ricks to contribute to the Citadel of Ricks Redevelopment Fund.
What are you, stupid? We're done with the Citadel of Ricks.
I was never on board with it in the first place.
That's why I murdered everyone in charge and left it to rot.
That was you.
They tried to murder him first.
Aw, geez.
Well, you'll be happy to know that the council's gone now Yeah, he knows.
He murdered them.
You want to rein in your Morty? Every day.
The Citadel of Ricks Redevelopment Fund donates Morty, he's not gonna donate.
You're pitching the Policeman's Ball to a black teenager here.
Let's go.
You don't have to be a dick.
I think you know that's not true.
I didn't know there were still Ricks and Mortys living on the Citadel.
I wonder what their day-to-day lives are like.
Well, you can keep wondering that while we go on a fun, fresh, self-contained adventure to Atlantis.
Anyone continuing to explore the Citadel is either stupid or one of the unfortunate millions held hostage by their terrible ideas.
Man, I'm glad I'm not one of them! Announcer Rick: Citadel Morning News.
News about the Citadel in the morning, pretty self explanatory.
Good morning.
I'm Rick D-716B.
And I'm Rick D-716.
Must be nice.
Coming up, gravity outages in East Sanchez Heights And, is your uranium-powered cellular matrix making you sick? The answer may not surprise you.
It's Yes, it's uranium.
Those stories and more, after this break.
Sam Elliot: 60 iterations off the central finite curve, there's a Rick that works more with wood than polarity plating.
His name is Simple Rick but he's no dummy.
He realized long ago that the greatest thing he'd ever create was his daughter.
I love Daddy! Sam Elliot: We captured that moment We run it on a loop through Simple Rick's mind And the chemical it makes his brain secrete goes into every Simple Rick's "Simple Wafers" Wafer Cookie.
Come home to the impossible flavor of your own completion.
Come home to Simple Rick's.
Just one day remains before our newly democratic Citadel elects its first President, it's anyone's race among the Rick candidates.
But a certain other candidate should be getting at least one vote for most adorable.
That's right.
The Morty party candidate's still in the race, and you just gotta love him for that.
Here you see him in his little Morty suit waving Isn't that adorable? Little jackass.
Yeah, I think we actually have the audio for his speech here Aw, geez.
Aw, man.
I'm gonna lose the election and stuff.
We had a good run, sir, but I think it's time to pull out of the race.
I feel pretty confident about tonight's debate.
You shouldn't, sir.
You should be terrified.
Maybe you should find a little faith, young man.
You don't pay me to have faith.
And we're the same age! - Aah! - Whoa! Sorry.
I-I was expecting A Rick partner? Lesson one, rookie, expect the unexpected.
Now, get in.
Mortys are human! Get the [Bleep.]
off the car, you Rickless [Bleep.]
animal! Whoa! Morty Cop: The election's got these yellow shirts more riled up than a picture-day Jessica.
That's pretty harsh, sir.
So report me.
Nobody gives a [Bleep.]
Look, I'm just saying, it makes me a little sad to hear a Morty cop calling Mortys animals.
Well, it makes me sad to hear another Rick cop buying into his sensitivity training.
Well, I'm glad to know there's more like me.
There was one.
Why do you think that seat was empty? Rick Dispatch: Robbery at Fifth and Avenue.
Fifth and That's Morty Town.
Unit seven responding.
Rick Teacher: Good idea, Rick.
All Morty Students: Good idea, Rick.
This is a great adventure.
All: This is a great adventure.
I love being your new Morty.
All: I love being your new Mor Farty.
Very amusing, Mr.
Almost as amusing as when your first Rick was decapitated on Zorpantheon Nine.
Or was that your third Rick? How many Ricks have you had? Five.
I see.
So you are top of the class in something.
Tomorrow you'll be transferred to your new Ricks.
Hopefully they will be your last.
Yes, Slow Ri Tall Morty? Di did I gradgitate this time yet? Anything's possible, Tall Morty.
I guess we won't be seeing each other after this? I say we make our last day count.
I say we go to the Wishing Portal.
That's a myth.
It's not a myth.
My first Rick's fourth Morty knew a Rick whose Morty went there.
If we're not here for graduation, our butts are gonna wind up in Morty Town.
I thought your last Rick fused you with a lizard, not a chicken.
Okay, fine.
I'm in.
Me too.
What the hell?! I thought I saw a fly.
Supervisor Rick: Listen up, [Bleep.]
I've been your supervisor for five years, but all shitty things must come to an end and I have been promoted to regional manager.
All: Yeah, I feel the same way, may be never meet again.
Of course, that makes the position of supervisor available, so, as of next week, the ass you'll be kissing will be that of K-83, affectionately known as Cool Rick.
All: I know I'm new to the Citadel, and some of you might not think I put in my time, but what can I say? I'm Cool Rick! Yo! Ha! Ha! Check me out! All right knuckleheads, any questions? All right, then, back to work, you gold rickers.
No Ricks, no families, high off their asses, and running amuck.
Mortys are raised to be sidekicks.
Without a side to kick, they just start kicking.
They were They were about my height, around 14 years old their their shirts were yellow! Yeah, make sure you get that down.
Any mutations, augmentations? Three eyes? A tail? Maybe a buzz cut? No.
Just four normal Mortys.
Normal? Put it in your blog.
Let me turn over a few rocks.
Aw, geez.
Hey, what's goin' on, fellas? Aw, geez, man.
Nothing, man.
We're just hanging out and stuff.
I hear that.
Aw, geez.
I guess I'm supposed to be figurin' out who robbed the store across the street.
But, aw, geez, I don't know.
Aw, geez man, that sucks that your Rick's making you do that.
He's not my Rick.
He's my partner.
Aw, geez.
Well, maybe the uniform makes a big difference, who am I to say.
To me, you just look like a sidekick.
Whoa! Call me a sidekick one more time! Call me a sidekick! Hey, man! Come on! Aw, geez! Wanna see how I paint a wall?! It was the Morty Town Locos, man! The the Morty Town Locos! Aah! Aah! Do you realize how many codes you just violated? Aw, geez, Rick.
What do I know about knowin' stuff? Get in the [Bleep.]
More lasers.
You could take more time to answer the question if you like.
Okay, Juggling Rick, how would you solve the Citadel's financial crisis? First off, can I just say that I believe this Citadel is the greatest in the entire multi-verse.
Now, I believe the answer to your question has three parts.
First, education spending must get much higher But it has to be balanced with defense Whoa! Whoa! Can we fact check this please? Never mind.
Who am I kidding.
This race is over.
And that's how you run a Citadel! Candidate Morty, the number of displaced Mortys is soaring while Rick satisfaction levels are plummeting, and the divide between the two groups has never been wider.
Solve that one real quick.
I don't see a divide between Ricks and Mortys Shocker.
I'd like to offer a re-buttal.
Gentlemen, gentlemen, I think we can all agree on one thing Well, it came out as two things but you get the idea.
You guys finished? The division I see is between the Ricks and Mortys that like the Citadel divided and the rest of us.
I see it everywhere I go.
I see it in our schools where they teach Mortys we're all the same, because they're threatened by what makes us unique.
I see it in our streets where they give guns to Mortys, so we're too busy fighting each other to fight real injustice.
I see it in our factories where Ricks work for a fraction of their boss' salary even though they're identical and have the same IQ.
The Citadel's problem isn't homeless Mortys or outraged Ricks.
The Citadel's problem is the Ricks and Mortys feeding on the Citadel's death Holy [Bleep.]
Rick Security Officer: He's headed for the flavor core! But I've got a message for them, from the Ricks and Mortys keeping it alive, a message from the Ricks and Mortys that believe in this Citadel to the Ricks and Mortys that don't.
You're outnumbered.
Holy [Bleep.]
I don't believe it.
I-I can't believe it.
I know.
That's why you're fired.
Sounds like you're looking for work.
I can offer you a very enticing compensation package.
First, let's talk benefits Daddy loves you.
That's Daddy's good girl.
Your life is a lie, man.
All your life's are lies! Don't you get it?! They told us we were special because we were Ricks, but they stripped us of everything that made us unique! We know how you feel.
We're working-stiff Ricks just like you.
But our assembly line is justice.
What are your demands? I-I-I want a portal gun.
Unregistered, untraceable, with enough fluid to take me off this God damn prison! The media's outside.
Well, keep 'em there.
Anyway, so yeah, the suspect says the Citadel's a lie, built on lies, and some other shit.
I say appreciate the life you have, because it can always be worse.
Back to you, Ricks.
Thank you, Rick 0716-C.
That [Bleep.]
Tell me about it.
Meanwhile, in election news, an unexpected turn of events as Morty from the Morty Party soars to the top of the polls.
Morty, what's your original reality and where's your Rick? Gosh, we moved around so much it's hard to remember.
I see every Rick as my Rick, I hope they see me as their Morty.
Another? Please? With less water? Hey, cheer up, pal.
A Morty's gonna be president.
Imagine this kisser getting blamed for everything.
I guess I should've had more faith.
It's not faith you need.
It's fear.
What's this? It's secrets.
Wh wh wh What do you think it is? Look at how I'm dressed.
Rick Reporter: Having taken aim at the system, are afraid at all for your safety? Candidate Morty: I'd rather live in hope than fear.
If I had to fear anything, I'd fear other people being afraid.
Of fear.
No, I'm not afraid.
you gonna lick my balls or what? Sheeeet, grandson, you keep me peelin' skrabquams and slippin' nib nibs, I'll lick whatever ain't nailed down.
Hands in the air! What the hell, man?! What the hellin' hell? You guys doing a little chemistry homework with Grandpa? Is this what I think it is? Bootleg portal fluid.
I guess his math was off.
Search the place.
Are are you my new R Rick? It's okay, Morty.
He stabbed me.
He got me bad, Morty.
It's okay.
You're okay.
You were right.
Everything I learned at the academy was Doesn't matter.
Nothing's wrong with putting your faith in a Morty.
You just gotta pick the right one.
Why is there a crib in here? Something they do.
To make you feel bad.
Boy, I got us knee-deep in paperwork? Go to the car and grab a medi-pack.
Let me worry about this.
What happened? Same old story Mortys killing Mortys.
Almost got it Farmer Rick: Hey! Y'all get the hell away from my damn mega fruit! Sic 'em, boy! I don't wear this dag-nab hat and commit to this rural character so you can eat for free while you come of age! I bet the Wishing Portal leads to a reality where they're Where all Where it's a bunch of French toast with boobies.
I bet it leads to a place with a bunch of fry Fly flies everywhere.
Yeah, I bet it goes nowhere.
I bet it's a big hole where the Citadel dumps all its broken dreams.
Slick, why do you have to be so dramatic? You wanna know why? Because of this.
I'm part of an experimental line of Mortys with a drama implant.
How do you think it feels, Fat Morty, to know that no matter where I go, I'll always be the one that makes everybody sad and a little bored.
Slick, that implant isn't who you are, okay? You also roll up your sleeves.
I thought I was Left-Handed Morty.
Then you should use your left hand to eat more vegetables.
Hey, there.
How you doing? Great to meet you.
I'm a plumber, sir.
I'm a Rick, and I'm a plumber.
That doesn't sound like Rick work.
You didn't come to the Citadel to be a plumber, did you? Ha! Ha! I sure didn't, sir! Mr.
Morty! Mr.
Morty! I cloned myself so you could kiss me as a baby! This is just like a Morty baby! Hey, did you, end up getting a new job? Yeah, I did.
Assassinating you.
I'm okay I'm okay I'm Aw, man.
Aw, geez.
Aw, hah.
You look like you could use a good time.
One dance for $10, two for $25.
No, thank you And bad math.
Ha! Ha! Yeah! This is a good time! What is this place? The Creepy Morty.
What is it your kind's always saying "Don't think about it.
" Come on.
There's someone important I want you to meet.
Bubbala! How'd it go with the Morty Town Locos? They had a little accident.
They won't be causing any trouble anymore.
Those were bad Mortys.
Very bad Mortys.
Big Morty likes to contribute to keeping the peace in Morty Town.
Think of him as a "drug lord" and us as cops on his payroll.
Morty - Which Morty? - Which Morty? M m my partner.
Morty, you're right.
Morty Town is bad.
But that doesn't mean that we have to be.
Hey, what's going on here, Morty? - Which Morty? - Which Morty? The cop, morons! Don't worry about Rick, Big Morty.
He's new.
He doesn't understand how it works.
That's what you said about your last partner.
Why would you say something like that, Big Morty? You're [Bleep.]
things up for both of us here.
He's [Bleep.]
things up for both of you.
Unless he takes the money.
Big Morty, you're under arrest.
S smartest man in the universe.
They're just props! Th they're just props! Not so big now, are ya? I never was! It was figurative! That's enough.
If we don't kill him, he'll talk.
If you do, I'll talk.
Cowboy Morty: O one thing's for sure, Y y'all don't have to worry about Cowboy Morty talkin'.
This little cowpoke's gonna mosey up on out of here.
You told me to put my faith in the right Morty.
I've got faith in you, partner.
Do the right thing.
Grandpa Rick, I-I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore.
I wanna be a regular kid.
I-I wanna to go to school and throw balls around and masturbate.
What the hell happened in there? Same old story.
Ricks killing Mortys.
Okay, man, okay, we got your portal gun.
What the hell's he doing? Where where am I? A bad place.
But you're going to a better one soon.
Hey! Hey! No, no, no, no Whaa God damn it! A portal to the blender dimension? That's the oldest trick in the book! I'm a Rick! I'm more Rick than any of you! Then you should know you just killed your only leverage! Then comes and get me, mother[Bleep.]
I'm Rick D.
Sanchez the Third, owner of this here wafer establishment, and I say that the Rick in there is right.
He's more Rick than any of you.
He's a terrorist! What Rick isn't?! This Citadel was founded by Ricks for Ricks to be free! What's your name, young man? Rick.
And I'm The same age as me, I know.
How long have you worked here? 15 years.
What the hell have we become? Whatever time you were gonna make him serve, he's served it.
It ends now.
Come with me, friend.
Where are we going? To your new life.
Which starts with walking the [Bleep.]
out of here.
Yo J-22, give 'em hell! Sam Elliot: There's a Rick that held a factory hostage after murdering his boss and several coworkers.
The factory made cookies, flavored them with lies.
He made us all take a look at what we were doing.
And in the bargain, he got a taste of real freedom.
We captured that taste, and we keep giving it to him so he give it right back to you, in every bite of new.
Simple Rick Freedom Wafer Selects.
Come home to the unique flavor of shattering the grand illusion.
Come home to Simple Rick.
It is real.
After you.
Specs: There it is.
The Wishing Portal.
They say for your wish to come true, you have to give up something really important.
For me, that's my panini maker.
I wish for a million sandwiches.
And, yes, I see the irony.
I guess I wish I had something cooler than this dumb-ass surfer necklace.
I wish incest porn had Had a more mainstream appeal.
For For a friend of mine.
None of those things are gonna happen, you know.
Morty wishes never come true.
Not on the Citadel.
Then why did you bring us here? Because I wish that would change.
I wish anything about this life would change.
Well, I hope you're putting something pretty God damn important in there.
Me too.
But I doubt it.
- No! - Slick! M maybe maybe it went somewhere nice.
Automated Rick: Garbage dump.
Stand back.
He had to be stopped.
He he cou he c Couldn't be allowed to win.
Then you should've worked on your aim, bro.
He's alive? No, no, no.
You gotta listen to me.
I-I worked for him.
I was his campaign manager.
That Morty is not what he seems.
Yeah, well, no Morty seems like a president.
He won? Yeah.
It was a blow out.
I would hardly call it a blow out.
It was almost close enough to trigger a recount.
What are you joke security now too? Rick Cop: Why am I still here? I heard he confessed to everything.
Your case has been reviewed.
You're free to go.
But I violated at least a dozen departmental codes.
New department.
New codes.
New Citadel.
Specs: Did we miss graduation? Where are the new Ricks? No graduation.
No new Ricks.
The school's curriculum is changing.
To what? I don't know, and I don't have to know.
I've been fired.
Good luck, turds.
Holy crap.
Slick's wish came true.
Sorry I'm late, Mr.
Had a little crisis at work.
Worth it! It's no problem.
A little more off the top.
You were saying, Garment District Rick.
We were saying, "President" Morty, that we don't care who sits in that seat.
A Rick, a Morty, a god damn Jerry It doesn't matter.
We've been running the Citadel since before the council and you'll find that we're still running it now.
Does he really speak for everyone here? Yeah.
Well, I think it's important to be clear.
Raise your hand if he speaks for you.
Is that enough off the top? I don't know.
Is it? - Yes, yes, god damn, yes.
- I think it's great.
This seems like a good time for a drink and a cold calculated speech with sinister overtones.
A speech about politics About order Brotherhood Power.
But speeches are for campaigning.
Now is the time for action.
Whoo! Yeah! Atlantis, baby! That was amazing.
You got some of that mermaid puss.
I'm really hoping it wasn't a one-off thing and I can see her again.
By the way, hey, um, you're still not curious about what what might've happened at that crazy Citadel place? Psh.
Not at all, Morty.
That place will never have any bearing over our lives ever again.
Unlike that mermaid puss! Whoo! Yeah! We're going back for seconds! Yeah! Yeah! Whoo! We're gonna do that shit every week, man! That was Atlantis! Shit!
Previous EpisodeNext Episode