Ridiculousness (2011) s03e03 Episode Script

Steve O

1 Get back up there.
[Baby laughs and squeals.]
Ooh! [Up-tempo rock.]
[Grunts.]
[Grunts.]
[Fireworks whistle.]
[Yells.]
[Cheers and applause.]
What's up? I am Rob Dyrdek.
Welcome to Ridiculousness.
With me, as always, Steelo Brim and Chanel West Coast.
[Cheers and applause.]
All right, we got an amazing show today.
A man that needs no introduction, a man who was built to be on this show.
When I show this package of highlight videos he has, you'll already know.
Take a look at this.
Hi, I'm Steve-O, and I'm about to jump into some poop.
Ow! It's on my eye! [Laughs.]
[Groans.]
Oh! [Gagging.]
Yo, get ready, get ready.
[Laughter.]
Ow! Ow! [Laughter.]
Ladies and gentlemen, Steve-O! [Cheers and applause.]
Thank you, brother.
Thank you.
[Cheers and applause.]
Give it up for Steve-O, man.
[Cheers and applause.]
Now, Steve-O, I'm excited.
You're built for this show.
It's amazing, man.
It's so good to be here.
Tell me this.
Throughout the history of Jackass, and Wildboyz, and everything that you have done, what's the thing that's the most craziest to you? There was this one time with me and Chris Pontius, okay? We were with this girl.
[Laughter.]
Okay.
She said a couple of really incredible things.
She said at one point, "I wish I had two mouths.
" [Laughter.]
Okay.
Okay.
At another moment in the same gathering, she said [Laughter.]
She said, "would you guys stop looking at each other?" [Laughter.]
Ladies and gentlemen, we just got a very awkward sex story from Steve-O.
[Laughter.]
Well, you are legendary, to say the least, and our first category is about people trying to be you.
It's called "Wackass.
" Take a look.
Not so fast! I'm committed, I'm with this.
Go, go, go, go, go.
I'm out, I'm out.
[Audience groans.]
You gotta commit.
You gotta commit.
This is called a "front side ski board to butt pucker.
" [Audience groans.]
Yeah, pucker your hole, 'cause it's blown out.
[Laughter.]
I love this, man.
I love this.
[Audience groans.]
That that's not whack.
- For some reason, MTV never lets us show these - I know! But this one slipped through standards, people.
[Laughter.]
Faster! [Audience groans.]
Don't worry.
My spine broke my fall.
[Laughter.]
Setup! [Audience groans.]
But what's up with the white fro, though? That's a ginger fro right there.
[Laughter.]
Barnyard birth control! I'm sick of kids.
Oh! Oh! Is that his shoe that goes that far? Look.
Is that his shoe? That his shoe going that far? Oh, my God.
[Laughs.]
69 in the behind.
All: Oh! - Dead leg, dead leg! - What is that? Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, my God.
Get it out! I can't feel my butt hole.
Tell my story! [Laughter.]
I couldn't even focus on the dart, the guy's dancing was so incredible.
[Laughter.]
[Applause.]
Okay, Steve-O, you have probably been kicked, shot, punched, and shit-whipped in the nuts more than anyone alive.
I'm no stranger to the short end of the stick.
[Laughter.]
Okay.
One of the greatest ones is the Johnny Knoxville bare-ball, fucking just whack 'em, pack, slap, right? The old rusty peaches kick.
[Laughter.]
Okay, but that's not what we're talking about.
We're talking about a more specific style of getting hit in the nuts.
Let's take a look at this.
[Groans.]
[Laughter.]
Dedicated to you "Nut Snipers.
" [Laughter.]
[Giggles.]
Rock and roll, baby.
How about one in the nuts? Ow.
[Wails.]
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
Make sure that helmet's tight, 'cause your balls are getting blasted.
[Grunts.]
Sorry I'm your father.
[Laughter.]
Base-balls! Pipe-on-pipe action.
[Laughter.]
I know there's balls somewhere around here, and got 'em.
Oh! Hairy suckers.
Bruno Mars, ball shot.
[Groans.]
[Audience groans.]
- Laundry's done.
- That's amazing.
This is engineering magic.
It's amazing.
Okay, how do you know it's gonna perfectly hit his head with the right distance to hit his nuts? Boom, bang! [Laughter.]
Perfectly-engineered nut sniping, people.
All right, we'll be right back with more Ridiculousness.
[Cheers and applause.]
[Baby yells.]
[Cheers and applause.]
Welcome back to Ridiculousness.
We are sitting here with Steve-O, who is known to get wild with animals.
What was doing Wildboyz like? Shit.
[Laughter.]
Oh, boy, here we go.
Tell me your craziest story with an animal.
"Well, there was this particular time.
I would say it was two goats now.
" [Laughter.]
Hey, what's the scariest thing that's ever happened to you through all the chaos of dealing with all those animals? There was shark surfing.
There was covered in chopped-up fish and chum, swimming with great hammerheads.
You are so glad that's behind you, huh? Yeah! [Laughter.]
All right, let's take a look at some of your finer work with animals.
Ow! Ow! Ow! [Grunts.]
Both: Ow! Pooping too! [Gagging.]
Aah! [Groans.]
Ow! Get it off! [Screams.]
Steve-O, ladies and gentlemen.
[Cheers and applause.]
I mean, that part when that lion jumped on you, I know that wasn't planned.
No, it wasn't planned at all.
And I'm up on the branch, and I said, "what's to stop one of these lions from just climbing up the tree?" And the animal handler says, "oh, lions don't climb trees.
" [Laughter.]
And the lion just came right up, and I lost my will to live.
I just went limp.
[Laughter.]
Oh, my God.
Well, we like to call that lion a bully, so, we dedicated this category "Animal Bullies.
" Take a look.
Aren't you a pretty chicken? Who you calling a chicken? [Laughter.]
I'm a rooster, bitch! Get the hell out of my coop! [Laughter.]
[Laughs.]
Man, what a fucking goat.
- It's so cute! - Yo, I'm picking on the black one, too.
[Laughter.]
That was rad! [Duckling chirps.]
Oh, it's just a sweet little duck.
Let's feed it some duck food.
You want to put it on your face? Ew! Ew! Down.
[Laughter.]
Aw, look, it's a little, fat-faced baby.
What? What, bitch? What, baby bitch? What, baby bitch? Bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap! [Laughter.]
I'm gonna tell you one thing I hate as a turtle is a stupid-ass cat all up in my food.
Beat it! [Laughter.]
Oh, oh, what? Yeah, I don't care if it's cat food.
Beat it! [Laughter.]
This looks like so much fun until this fucking thing comes along.
[Audience groans.]
Yeah, that was a serious pick.
Look, the other dude's on the ground already.
Oh, yeah.
[Laughter.]
No! No, no, no! He did not take out two.
What? Oh, my God.
That's crazy.
This next category is very unique.
What we noticed when we were searching this world of crazy videos that there are a lot of Steves involved in these crazy, crazy situations.
Can you imagine that maybe the name Steve is where you got all your craziness from? You never can tell, man.
Okay.
I'm gonna tell you what.
Take a look at a category simply titled "Steves.
" [Laughter.]
Well, we've got one really uncoordinated, stupid Steve here.
- Aw, Steve.
- Oh, yes.
It's a Steve.
[Giggles.]
Big Steve.
All right, we got ourselves an English, pasty lady ghost.
Oh.
Oh, sweet Jesus.
Get 'em.
Get some! Oh! Oh, man.
Steve! Steve! [Laughter.]
Steve, are you okay? Nothing wipes off good blood splatter like dirty lake water.
[Laughter.]
Oh! Go, Steven! English Steven in his stunt blazer, and whippety-snap.
[Audience groans.]
Yo, you don't back flip at the bottom of the jump, man.
[Laughter.]
Go, Steven! He's not okay at all, dude.
[Chanting.]
Steven, Steven! You got it, Steve.
[Audience groans.]
Right in my Steve hole.
[Laughter.]
I think you just lost Steve.
Let me guess.
Real name Steven, friends call you Steve? [Audience groans.]
You all right, Steve? - Y.
O.
L.
O.
! - Y.
O.
L.
O.
! [Laughter.]
Okay, let's go to the forest and drive over some wood.
Y.
O.
L.
O.
! [Laughter.]
We'll be right back with more Ridiculousness.
[Cheers and applause.]
Ow! Who's ready for this? On the Jackass guys I was made frenemy for fucking doing this shit.
I think it's rad.
Fuck, man! Okay, okay.
[Cheers and applause.]
Welcome back to Ridiculousness.
We are hanging out with Steve-O.
Now, Steve-O, tell me this.
Are you the first human being to put a bottle rocket in their asshole and shoot it out? I'm sure that I'm not, but I would be the first person to put a bottle rocket in my ass and tie it to my bro's penis.
[Laughter.]
Okay, okay.
I believe this footage right here is the first time a man has attempted to launch rockets from his butt.
[Laughter.]
Take a look at this.
So, we're gonna warm ourselves up with some fireworks.
Oh, no, this is a bad idea.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no.
Fully spread, dude.
[Overlapping chatter.]
Ow.
Ow.
[Firework whistles.]
Go back, go back and just look at the level of hot, hot fire on this guy's ass and balls.
Look at how ridiculous that is.
Are you smiling? Are you smiling? Time of his life! [Laughter.]
Dedicated to you as a pioneer, "Pocket Rockets.
" All right.
It's a celebration.
I lost my virginity last week.
Oh! [Laughter.]
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
My balls are shorting out.
They're coming through my thighs and they're fiery.
[Laughter.]
Now, this guy, on the other hand, is just stupid.
Aah! [Audience groans.]
I don't know where it exploded.
I'm guessing ass and balls.
[Laughter.]
- Okay, boys, we're Canadian - Hell, yeah, you are.
And we're stupid, and this is what we do for fun.
Oh, this is so fun, eh? Don't be scared! Both: Don't be scared! [Firework pops.]
[Laughter.]
Did you see the little fart fire? Did you see the little fart fire? Look.
[Laughter.]
How is that possible? It just shot that little bit of fart fire, man.
[Firework pops.]
Oh, yes! Good idea! Point it the right way, you crazy bastard.
[Audience groans.]
Are you good? Are you good? [Audience groans.]
Fuck! [Laughs.]
Forever, he's gotta explain, "you know, it's just sort of, like, when I was younger, like, I" [Laughter.]
Just a second, honey.
I'm getting myself an old-fashioned backyard vasectomy.
[Audience groans.]
That guy really hates his dick.
[Laughter.]
Man, there ain't nothing I love more than lighting a good old bottle rocket and sticking it in Jethro's butt hole.
Wait.
Wait, what was that? What the hell was that? What the hell? What was that? What? What? Wait, who is that? Who is that? What is that? What is that? Oh, man.
He was so close to hitting his wife.
Look at this.
[Audience groans.]
You got a rocket in your ass.
You got to figure it out.
Okay, Steve-O, how many roofs you think you jumped off in your day? - Oh, man, that was my specialty, jumping off of - Was it? Yeah, that was my first specialty.
Like, when you were young, like, that was, like Yeah, I would jump off, like, buildings into shallow pools, and I would hit the water and curve in, you know? I was really good at it.
Okay, okay.
I knew you were a roof specialist.
That's why we created this category, "Get Off My Roof!" [Laughter.]
You recording? You recording? 'Cause I'm about to do something so sick.
[Audience groans.]
Time to hug some dirt.
Oh! Yo, where were you going? He was going to his face in the soft sand.
[Laughter.]
Oh! Double whammy.
Church-top blades.
Blades! [Audience groans.]
That's what rollerblades are for.
Right.
[Laughter.]
Straight to sleep, my friend.
Straight to sleep.
[Audience groans.]
Night, night.
- Four, three - Countdown to idiot blast off.
Go! No way.
[Audience groans.]
He shouldn't have went.
[Laughter.]
We call this "the human accordion.
" [Audience groans.]
I'm good, I'm good.
I'm gonna live like this forever.
Extreme gutter cleaning service.
Yo, yo! [Audience groans and laughs.]
He's done.
He's done, he's asleep.
[Audience groans.]
Okay, go back up.
Go back up.
Where are you going? [Laughter.]
Like, even if you make it down, you can't ride that way.
You can't ride this way.
Go, full speed.
Bam! Curl up, and let it go away.
Curl up, and let it go away.
No one's a roof expert like Steve-O.
We'll be right back with more Ridiculousness.
[Cheers and applause.]
[Retches.]
[Cheers and applause.]
Welcome back to Ridiculousness.
We are with Steve-O, and we are about to talk about throwing up.
[Laughter.]
Another one of your gifts.
[Laughter.]
I think I might have thrown up on television more than anybody on Earth.
[Laughs.]
- Especially, like, swallowing a goldfish - Right.
And then just shot it back out, and it lived for another 20, 30 years? [Laughter.]
Minutes.
[Laughter.]
All right, well, we have some footage of you throwing up from a very unique apparatus.
Let's take a look.
[Flatulence.]
Oh! [Coughs.]
[Flatulence.]
[Retches.]
[Coughs.]
Oh, God.
Oh, man.
I tell you, I couldn't smell anything.
It was just the idea of it.
[Laughs.]
Once again, for Steve-O, we have a special category called "Something's Come Up.
" Aw, this is so fun! It's so beautiful! [Audience groans.]
[Laughter.]
[Audience groans and laughs.]
- That's my boy.
- That's my boy! [Laughter.]
How about I check your dipstick? Feels good.
[Laughter.]
Hello, little baby! Up high.
Hey, hey, in your mouth, mommy.
[Audience groans.]
Oh! Oh, my God! - That's so disgusting! - Go back, go back.
I give her credit for not dropping the baby.
[Laughter.]
No, I can drink the whole thing.
I can never stop, 'cause it's just, like no, I'm serious.
I'm seri oh, it's fun, super fun.
I think it's fun.
No, it's not fun anymore.
It's not fun anymore.
This is actually really bad.
Oh, yeah, yeah, it's really bad.
It went from so happy to so sad.
[Laughter.]
The stronger you get, the more you puke.
[Laughter.]
Oh! Why are they laughing so hard in the back? [Audience groans.]
This is the worst.
I kind of feel like I have to puke.
Do you? You certainly look like it.
I want to get up, but I'd rather just show you what's deep inside my stomach.
Check this out.
[Audience laughs and groans.]
Gross! This is this is like, "oh, yeah!" [Laughter.]
He puked in the other room.
[Laughter.]
[Applause.]
Okay.
We are at that point in the show where we have two search terms that we found a video with, and we let Chanel guess what she thinks the video is.
Let's take a look at that.
Cigarette nuts.
What kind of video do you think this will be, Chanel? These are so complicating.
Life is complicating.
[Laughter.]
I mean, I just imagine a cigarette in-between two nuts? I don't know.
[Laughter.]
Well, Steve-O's here.
I mean, fuck, maybe we do got a nice set of balls with a cigarette in the middle.
Let's take a look.
[Cat growling.]
[Laughter.]
[Mimics cat screech.]
[Laughter.]
Addiction at its finest.
[Cat screams.]
A nicotine-addicted baby kitty cat.
[Applause.]
All right, that is it for Ridiculousness.
Thank you, Steve-O, for an amazing episode.
We will see you guys next time.
[Up-tempo rock.]

Previous EpisodeNext Episode