Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2018) s01e03 Episode Script
War and Pizza / Newsworthy
1 Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power Rising up against evil paint the city green Raph is ready for a fight Leo's making a scene Mikey's got mad skills Donnie rocks machines With each other they discover Their destiny and rise Cowabunga Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in the half-shel Turtle power Rise [SIRENS WAIL.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[GIGGLES.]
How did you even get in there? [MACHINE WHIRS.]
Whoa, whee! I hope we aren't headed for another of your "epic party fails," Party Captain O'Neil.
No way, sir.
Tonight's the night I'm finally getting a party all the way through Albearto's happy birthday song and cake.
You better, because this is your last chance.
You got this, Party Captain O'Neil.
[THUMB CHIMES.]
- [ROCK MUSIC.]
- Get hyped, kids! Coming to the stage to sing "Happy Birthday", give a big "what up" to the Cheese Master of Bear-imonies, Albearto and his Fun Time Band, Cheery Tomato and President Pepperoni! Bon giorno, kiddies! I hear someone's a year older today, and I'm not just talking about my underwear.
[RIMSHOT.]
- Uh - [CHUCKLES.]
Okay, sing with me, kiddies! - Happy - Hey, Albearto.
- Incoming.
- [CHEERING.]
No! [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING.]
Boo! [SCREAMING.]
- Not good, not good.
- Let's go! [PHONE BEEPS, DIALS.]
You are conversing with Donatello.
- Dude, I need your help.
- For you, anything.
As long as it does not involve bees, or spiders, or beach balls.
Please not beach balls.
Can you fix Albearto? He broke before singing "Happy Birthday.
" April still hasn't gotten through the "Happy Birthday" song yet, guys.
April still hasn't gotten through the "Happy Birthday" song? - Am I on speaker? - Or cake, actually.
[SCOFFS.]
Or cake? Albearto's is the pizza place, right? We'll be right over.
Hey, if you guys are in the middle of something Fixers in the house, swooping in to save the day! That was fast.
Actually, I just needed Donnie.
Oh, we know, we just came for the free pizza.
Remember, blend in like you're a birthday robot.
[BEEPING, WHIRRING.]
Aye, aye, captain.
So, Donnie, hopefully this will be a quick fix.
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC.]
Eh? Uh Or a total tear-down.
That works.
- [SCREAMING.]
- Huh? [GASPS.]
And short circuiting con-qu-ered.
- Now to juice up his - That's enough.
I just need him to sing "Happy Birthday" and quiet the kids down so I don't get fired.
Oh, sure, he could just sing it.
Or, he could dazzle! Please, please, no dazzling.
You know, he might end up being the greatest entertainer-bot of his generation.
And voila, Albearto 2.
14.
2.
I upgraded my upgrade in the middle of the upgrade.
Now, to sync him to my remote, and it's showtime! Bon giorno, kiddies! Yeah, let's go give Timmy the Albearto-iest birthday ever.
[RAUCOUS CHATTER.]
- You ready? - Yep.
[GRUNTS.]
[POWER CHORD.]
Bon giorno, kiddies! - Is he going to break again? - Not on my watch.
Again.
Hold on to your birthday hats, kiddies.
- [HARD ROCK MUSIC.]
- Whoa! And now, for a little guitar solo.
You're welcome.
Check me out, I'm shredding this guitar like it's mozzarella.
Looking good, D! [VIRTUOSIC GUITAR PLAYING.]
Uh, hold on.
No, no, no, no.
He should not be glitching.
He should be rocking and/or rolling! - Donny.
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
Oh, no, oh, the battery.
Oh, I knew I forgot to change something.
I can't stop him! [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[EXPLOSION.]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
[COUGHS.]
- [GROANS.]
- Ta-da.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
This can't be good.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Okay, so that happened.
But we can still sing "Happy Birthday" without him.
Happy birthday - [PRIMAL GROAN.]
- ALL: [SHRIEKING, WHIMPERING.]
Hey diddly ho, kiddies.
ALL: [GASPING.]
Time to pump this party up.
Let's play! [SCREAMING.]
- Donnie, can you, um - I can fix this.
I can fix this, I can fix this, I can fix this.
I can totally fix this.
You know what, it turns out I cannot fix this.
[SCREAMING.]
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER.]
Play nice, Albearto! [GROANING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- Run, kid! - [SCREAMS.]
[CLAWS SWISH.]
Whoopsie, thanks for the claws, April.
[YELLS.]
He knows my name? These are way better to open gifts with.
[YELLING, GRUNTING.]
Who wants to play a little game of follow the leader to safety? [SCREAMING.]
And tell your friends to celebrate at Albearto's after you're done fleeing for your lives.
[PHONE CLICKING.]
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER.]
Knuckle sandwich! Bon giorno, kiddies! We'll fix it, April.
He may have the crazy, but we got the numbers.
Go ahead and bounce if you need to.
Don't leave, I haven't handed out the party invitations yet.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
Uh, he's bringing the robots to life.
No sweat, still got this.
[UPBEAT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Uh, you didn't have plans right now, did you, April? [LAUGHS.]
Oh, I'm staying.
I am the Party Captain, and I am saving Timmy's party from disaster.
[YELLS.]
[SHUDDERS.]
Right after I save Timmy.
ALL: [GRUNTING.]
- Timmy! - Lady! [GRUNTING.]
Yeah! It's go time! [MACHINE BEEPS.]
[GROWLING, GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[MACHINE BEEPS.]
Oh, yeah! Nice shot, birthday boy! [GIGGLES.]
[SLOW MENACING LAUGHTER.]
[MENACING LAUGHTER INTENSIFIES.]
[GRUNTS.]
Yippee, I'm free! [GRUNTS.]
You'll be safer in here.
Plus, you have a new friend.
[GRUNTING.]
President Pepperoni wants you for my punching bag.
Huh? Ooh.
[GRUNTING.]
[ALARM BLARES.]
All right, making it rain! Ha! [GRUNTING.]
Fourscore and 20 more tickets! [GROANING.]
Oh, you're so cute, but so mean.
Why do I always go for your type? [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
This doesn't make Cheery cheery.
[BEEPING.]
Huh? [GRUNTING.]
Oh, I'll never eat ketchup again.
You'd think, as a birthday bot, you'd be a little more chill at a birthday party.
[GRUNTING.]
No, wait [GRUNTS.]
[RELAXING MUSIC.]
[UPBEAT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Power Smash Jitsu.
Power Smash Jitsu! Or not.
[GRUNTING.]
If I can't have a birthday party, nobody can.
Cowabunga! I'm going to crack you open like a birthday piñata.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, your sorry skills make me snicker.
You're no match for the King of Birthday Parties, that's for sure.
There's only one way to get through to this guy.
Hey, Albearto.
You know, you can't be the King of Birthday Parties without having one of your own.
[ROARS.]
Wait, what? A birthday party for meesy-weesy? That's right, Albearto.
Today's the day you were born.
Through a total accident that's clearly nobody's fault.
A birthday cakey-wakey? Oh, for meesy-weesy? Not just a cake, my friend.
We've also got a little song for you.
Happy birthday to you - ALL: Happy birthday to - [WEEPING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[YELLING.]
[GROANING, CLANKING.]
Take that! [MACHINE POWERS DOWN.]
Sing with me, guys! I am finishing this party! Happy birthday - Finish the song! - Dear - Kid - Squirt Albearto? ALL: Happy birthday to you [RUMBLING, YELLING.]
[COUGHING.]
Huh? [INDISTINCT CHATTER, GOOD-BYES.]
- Later.
- Have fun cleaning up, bye.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC.]
- Best birthday ever! - My restaurant! On the upside, I finally made it through - the "Happy Birthday" song.
- That tears it, O'Neil.
- You're - Fired, yeah, figured.
You can mail my paycheck.
Peace.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[GIGGLES.]
How did you even get in there? [MACHINE WHIRS.]
Whoa, whee! I hope we aren't headed for another of your "epic party fails," Party Captain O'Neil.
No way, sir.
Tonight's the night I'm finally getting a party all the way through Albearto's happy birthday song and cake.
You better, because this is your last chance.
You got this, Party Captain O'Neil.
[THUMB CHIMES.]
- [ROCK MUSIC.]
- Get hyped, kids! Coming to the stage to sing "Happy Birthday", give a big "what up" to the Cheese Master of Bear-imonies, Albearto and his Fun Time Band, Cheery Tomato and President Pepperoni! Bon giorno, kiddies! I hear someone's a year older today, and I'm not just talking about my underwear.
[RIMSHOT.]
- Uh - [CHUCKLES.]
Okay, sing with me, kiddies! - Happy - Hey, Albearto.
- Incoming.
- [CHEERING.]
No! [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING.]
Boo! [SCREAMING.]
- Not good, not good.
- Let's go! [PHONE BEEPS, DIALS.]
You are conversing with Donatello.
- Dude, I need your help.
- For you, anything.
As long as it does not involve bees, or spiders, or beach balls.
Please not beach balls.
Can you fix Albearto? He broke before singing "Happy Birthday.
" April still hasn't gotten through the "Happy Birthday" song yet, guys.
April still hasn't gotten through the "Happy Birthday" song? - Am I on speaker? - Or cake, actually.
[SCOFFS.]
Or cake? Albearto's is the pizza place, right? We'll be right over.
Hey, if you guys are in the middle of something Fixers in the house, swooping in to save the day! That was fast.
Actually, I just needed Donnie.
Oh, we know, we just came for the free pizza.
Remember, blend in like you're a birthday robot.
[BEEPING, WHIRRING.]
Aye, aye, captain.
So, Donnie, hopefully this will be a quick fix.
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC.]
Eh? Uh Or a total tear-down.
That works.
- [SCREAMING.]
- Huh? [GASPS.]
And short circuiting con-qu-ered.
- Now to juice up his - That's enough.
I just need him to sing "Happy Birthday" and quiet the kids down so I don't get fired.
Oh, sure, he could just sing it.
Or, he could dazzle! Please, please, no dazzling.
You know, he might end up being the greatest entertainer-bot of his generation.
And voila, Albearto 2.
14.
2.
I upgraded my upgrade in the middle of the upgrade.
Now, to sync him to my remote, and it's showtime! Bon giorno, kiddies! Yeah, let's go give Timmy the Albearto-iest birthday ever.
[RAUCOUS CHATTER.]
- You ready? - Yep.
[GRUNTS.]
[POWER CHORD.]
Bon giorno, kiddies! - Is he going to break again? - Not on my watch.
Again.
Hold on to your birthday hats, kiddies.
- [HARD ROCK MUSIC.]
- Whoa! And now, for a little guitar solo.
You're welcome.
Check me out, I'm shredding this guitar like it's mozzarella.
Looking good, D! [VIRTUOSIC GUITAR PLAYING.]
Uh, hold on.
No, no, no, no.
He should not be glitching.
He should be rocking and/or rolling! - Donny.
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
Oh, no, oh, the battery.
Oh, I knew I forgot to change something.
I can't stop him! [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[EXPLOSION.]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
[COUGHS.]
- [GROANS.]
- Ta-da.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
This can't be good.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Okay, so that happened.
But we can still sing "Happy Birthday" without him.
Happy birthday - [PRIMAL GROAN.]
- ALL: [SHRIEKING, WHIMPERING.]
Hey diddly ho, kiddies.
ALL: [GASPING.]
Time to pump this party up.
Let's play! [SCREAMING.]
- Donnie, can you, um - I can fix this.
I can fix this, I can fix this, I can fix this.
I can totally fix this.
You know what, it turns out I cannot fix this.
[SCREAMING.]
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER.]
Play nice, Albearto! [GROANING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- Run, kid! - [SCREAMS.]
[CLAWS SWISH.]
Whoopsie, thanks for the claws, April.
[YELLS.]
He knows my name? These are way better to open gifts with.
[YELLING, GRUNTING.]
Who wants to play a little game of follow the leader to safety? [SCREAMING.]
And tell your friends to celebrate at Albearto's after you're done fleeing for your lives.
[PHONE CLICKING.]
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER.]
Knuckle sandwich! Bon giorno, kiddies! We'll fix it, April.
He may have the crazy, but we got the numbers.
Go ahead and bounce if you need to.
Don't leave, I haven't handed out the party invitations yet.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
Uh, he's bringing the robots to life.
No sweat, still got this.
[UPBEAT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Uh, you didn't have plans right now, did you, April? [LAUGHS.]
Oh, I'm staying.
I am the Party Captain, and I am saving Timmy's party from disaster.
[YELLS.]
[SHUDDERS.]
Right after I save Timmy.
ALL: [GRUNTING.]
- Timmy! - Lady! [GRUNTING.]
Yeah! It's go time! [MACHINE BEEPS.]
[GROWLING, GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[MACHINE BEEPS.]
Oh, yeah! Nice shot, birthday boy! [GIGGLES.]
[SLOW MENACING LAUGHTER.]
[MENACING LAUGHTER INTENSIFIES.]
[GRUNTS.]
Yippee, I'm free! [GRUNTS.]
You'll be safer in here.
Plus, you have a new friend.
[GRUNTING.]
President Pepperoni wants you for my punching bag.
Huh? Ooh.
[GRUNTING.]
[ALARM BLARES.]
All right, making it rain! Ha! [GRUNTING.]
Fourscore and 20 more tickets! [GROANING.]
Oh, you're so cute, but so mean.
Why do I always go for your type? [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
This doesn't make Cheery cheery.
[BEEPING.]
Huh? [GRUNTING.]
Oh, I'll never eat ketchup again.
You'd think, as a birthday bot, you'd be a little more chill at a birthday party.
[GRUNTING.]
No, wait [GRUNTS.]
[RELAXING MUSIC.]
[UPBEAT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Power Smash Jitsu.
Power Smash Jitsu! Or not.
[GRUNTING.]
If I can't have a birthday party, nobody can.
Cowabunga! I'm going to crack you open like a birthday piñata.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, your sorry skills make me snicker.
You're no match for the King of Birthday Parties, that's for sure.
There's only one way to get through to this guy.
Hey, Albearto.
You know, you can't be the King of Birthday Parties without having one of your own.
[ROARS.]
Wait, what? A birthday party for meesy-weesy? That's right, Albearto.
Today's the day you were born.
Through a total accident that's clearly nobody's fault.
A birthday cakey-wakey? Oh, for meesy-weesy? Not just a cake, my friend.
We've also got a little song for you.
Happy birthday to you - ALL: Happy birthday to - [WEEPING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[YELLING.]
[GROANING, CLANKING.]
Take that! [MACHINE POWERS DOWN.]
Sing with me, guys! I am finishing this party! Happy birthday - Finish the song! - Dear - Kid - Squirt Albearto? ALL: Happy birthday to you [RUMBLING, YELLING.]
[COUGHING.]
Huh? [INDISTINCT CHATTER, GOOD-BYES.]
- Later.
- Have fun cleaning up, bye.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC.]
- Best birthday ever! - My restaurant! On the upside, I finally made it through - the "Happy Birthday" song.
- That tears it, O'Neil.
- You're - Fired, yeah, figured.
You can mail my paycheck.
Peace.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]