Robin Hood s01e10 Episode Script

Peace? Off!

Fire! You! We told you to go! (Man) Quickly! Help! Help! Heretic! Heretic! (Woman) Kill the heretic! Kill him! (Man) Put him in! (Screaming) - It's the devil! - Stop! He's come to save his own! The devil couldn't make it.
You'll have to deal with me instead! This is no business of yours, Robin.
The stranger' s been killing our livestock.
- Fouling our well! - What kind of man burns churches? I'll let you know when I've asked him.
He fights like a Crusader.
Soldier! Break! Battle! (Villagers) Oh, no (Man) Bring him back! Heretic! So.
Master, forgive me, but you found him trying to burn a church yet you saved him and not the church.
Because I could not fit the church on my horse! What are they? (Robin) These look like Eastern symbols.
Djaq? Do these mean anything to you? Ah! I don't know.
It could be some sort of code.
It's strange.
He fought like a Crusader back in Locksley.
Yeah, on the wrong side by the looks of him.
He definitely went out with King Richard.
He's beyond sides now.
War has turned his mind.
Crusader' s sickness.
And there 'll be thousands more like him while the war drags on.
He needs care.
Much, you need to look after him.
Oh, no.
Master, please.
I mean, look at him.
Surely Well, you looked after me all these years.
Yeah, but he's a menace! Yes! You know, I think that's the first time we've actually agreed on something.
He's been burning down churches and fouling wells! Fine.
I'll look after him.
Just answer me one question.
How are you meant to look after a deranged heretic? Meat.
The secret to controlling wild birds.
Not jealous of a horse, are we? Marian and I have had a disagreement, that is all.
- I had hoped - Hope.
I would rather be dead than spend my life hoping.
"I hope for this.
I hope for that.
" Buy her something.
A trinket or two.
Marian is not the type to be bought.
All women can be bought.
It's a nesting thing.
They want to make sure their offspring are provided for.
They're animals, really.
Sir, your Saracen guest has asked if you're gonna be dining with him.
Already? What have you prepared for him? Brain of goat.
Mm Marvelous! Here, give him this.
I can't believe the Saracens like that kind of filth.
No, I don't believe so either.
But I think our Saracen friend Well, he thinks we're being polite.
We've got to keep him happy, Gisborne, if we're to get what we want.
Amazing! You've got to see this wagon, boys, it's completely unique! I've never seen a set of wheels like it! Independent suspension, reinforced chassis - It's a fine machine, Robin! - What is it? - Rich owner, too.
- Cos this is not English wood.
This is spectacular! Eastern cedar.
My dad got a block of it once to make dagger handles.
- It's very easy to rout.
- Slides right down This must've got caught up in the storm two weeks ago.
This gully must have been a torrent.
- Hey, it looks like some kind of list.
- Is that directions? It's the castle, I think.
Looks like the Sheriff's got himself a rich visitor.
(Screams) What's up, John? There! There! Eh? Steady up, John What's got into you? (Yelling) It's no joke, Robin! - It's witchcraft! - Hardly! It's a fine piece of work for a nasty mind.
The Sheriff's certainly keeping some strange company.
Robin! Let it be! John, it's only a mask.
(Wind howls, birds squawk) Oh, come on! Get a grip! Really.
I do not like surprises.
Well, you'll like this one.
Oh, he's beautiful.
- But I cannot possibly accept him.
- Why not? - The expense.
- What expense? - My fortune is secure, I can provide for you.
- Really? That's what I've been trying to show you.
Humor me.
Just put him through his paces.
Right! We're going to try some cooking! Very calming.
Understand? I'll take that as a yes.
Now, we have pork, carrots, onions, parsnips.
Now, most servants would tell you that this is a stew.
But Well, this I call the Much Touch.
Take the same ingredients, chop them up skewer them on a broken arrow cook it over a fire You're left with something far more interesting! Learnt that in Cyprus.
- There, they call it - Sish kebabi.
Then you'll know how delicious they are.
Are you sure it's a good idea to give him the knife? He does have a name.
He's called, er He's called Harold.
Maybe this is your true calling.
Your new life.
I've often thought a man could make a good living doing this.
Get himself a cart and wheel it up to the alehouse of an evening, set out his wares - some of these, a bit of stew, meat pies Make a killing! - Rubbish! It is! - And another thing my cousin definitely saw a man turn into a frog! - He did! Just outside Dorchester! - You said he was always drunk.
Well, he is.
But still Another mouth for dinner.
- Waaargh! - Not you as well!? - What is that? - Put it this way.
I would not like to be on the receiving end of this.
- Looks like it's for torture.
- Whatever it is, that is not Christian! Don't do that! You might cause plagues of locusts.
Rivers of blood! What?! Our friends are convinced a master of the dark arts is at the castle.
Someone from the east to scare us, a bogeyman under the bed Come on! Look! It's working already.
Something this grotesque cannot be for good.
- Saracen evil! - Nothing to do with me! - Harold! - Torturer! Calm down.
She's one of us.
Now, listen to me Drop the knife.
- What did you do that for? - To save Djaq! He trusted me! He was gonna drop the knife! You see? That's how it works.
This all looks most delicious.
In truth, food this exotic in my country is eaten - only occasionally.
- Really! Well, it's no trouble.
Anything to make you feel more at home.
- Bismallah.
- Indeed.
- So, when do we start work? - Oh, I share your impatience, but we can't start without Prince John.
But it has been two weeks already.
We must act by the next full moon.
Otherwise there is no time.
Please, just a little more patience.
I mean, if there is anything we can do to make your stay more bearable Maybe more eye of toad and so on? No.
I would like to press on.
Perhaps if Prince John cannot come here, I could recover my wagon and go to London.
That may be easier.
You are confined for your own protection.
You yourself urged the need for secrecy in this business.
Then let us start this business.
Prince John or no Prince John.
We have a saying in this country - all work and no play that's what the poor do! Come on, John! We're off to drag the wagon out of the mud.
No! We need something strong to keep Harold in when he has his turns.
- The wagon's perfect.
- I stay here.
You're not serious? The biggest man in Sherwood, jumping at shadows? Not shadows.
The devil! (Robin) Will? Go in to Nottingham, find out who's really at the castle.
We have got to help Little John.
(Robin) Don't tell me the Nightwatchman has been dipping into the profits! Some men take pleasure in giving women gifts.
This is a lot of gift.
And tell me, was it a lot of pleasure? And how are you thinking of reciprocating? Maybe you'd find out if you gave me a gift.
As it is, you only come out of the woodwork to ask me for favors.
Like now.
So? Do we have an interesting guest at the castle? The owner of this was on his way there.
- We think he's from the East.
- You've been eating too many mushrooms.
My men think the Sheriff has been using a sorcerer.
Well, they've been eating too many mushrooms.
Agreed! But if you could tell us who it is, I can reassure my men.
- John will not even leave the forest.
- Hmm Another one who only comes out of the woodwork when he has to.
I'll see what I can do.
(Crow cawing) Hey.
Don't worry, it's for your own protection.
Well, ours really.
- What did I do this time? - Well, let's just say you ruined the kebabs.
You don't have to lie to me.
You tried to kill Djaq because she is a Saracen, which, if I may say, is odd considering five minutes ago you were going to burn down a Christian church.
I mean, come on, make your mind up.
The Saracen, beware the Saracen! Harold The Saracen destroys everything in your mind.
Listen to me.
Now, apart from being a girl, Djaq is one of the lads.
All right? Do you know when it's going to happen? These turns? Anything can start it.
I'm watching a child fishing in a stream and suddenly I'm looking in the water.
The water is full of bodies.
Drowned, left to rot So you know.
Where were you? Nicea Tripoli Pelagonia We were at Acre.
You must get the dreams? Of course.
It's our punishment.
All this fuss over a painted mask.
Come on, you're not an animal.
It's better this way.
Better for whom? one goes in, one goes out.
If anyone asks, I wanna know.
- Yes, sir.
- Ah, Marian.
How thoughtful.
Actually, I heard there was a guest staying in the castle.
I thought he might enjoy some local fruit.
Oh, no.
He doesn't like this kind of food.
- He sounds intriguing.
- I'm afraid you really can't be here, Marian.
Orders, orders.
May I remind you, Guy, we are engaged.
You subjecting me to orders, however impressive your gifts, is rather inappropriate.
(Men singing) (Guard) Listen to this! He hasn't got a bad voice! I haven't heard this sort of thing since that last battle Didn't you inform our Saracen guest that I was sleeping? - He wouldn't take no for an answer, sir.
- Please let them come soon, please! - You're a morning person, I see! - Sheriff, I've had an excellent idea.
If you would lend me some soldiers, I can go find my carriage.
What, that old wreck? I already said.
I'll get you a new one.
Unless Prince John is arriving today, Sheriff, it would make me most happy to find my carriage.
It was specially made for my father.
Well, in that case, how could I refuse? You are a most gracious host.
Bismallah! - Wake Gisborne.
- At this hour, sir? If I can't sleep, neither can he.
Tell him to keep the Saracen happy.
At least give him the illusion of freedom.
I hope you're not leading me on a wild goose chase, Malik! I am sure it was around here.
Though it all looks quite similar.
Very green.
Stranger on the move! - Out of the castle! - What kind of stranger? - Saracen.
- That's our friend! We could be attacked by spirits at any moment.
He rode out at dawn with Gisborne and his troops.
- Which way was he heading? - This way, into the forest.
We've got to smash that thing up.
It could draw him towards us.
Nothing is going to draw anybody anywhere! Now, let's go and see who he is, shall we? Come on, John, come and face your fear.
It's all right, John.
We are taking on the Forces of Darkness and we'll be all right? Yes! It's a Saracen man! Now, listen to me, this is what we're going to do.
There she is! Come, let us see how badly she is damaged.
That wagon's not going anywhere.
(Chuckles) She's still in one piece.
That's good Saracen craftsmanship.
We can do this my way, or you can turn me into a frog.
- What?! - My way, then.
No! You're sure it won't cause him any pain? What choice do we have? He's much too dangerous.
We need to control him.
- There must be another way.
- Look, we tried your way, he nearly killed me.
She says it tastes of strawberries.
If you want to kill me, use a sword.
No, this is not a poison.
This is to help you sleep.
- You trust her? Saracen? - Yes.
And you should trust me.
Mmm It does taste of strawberries! I like strawberries.
They taste of home.
So, tell me, John.
What is so powerful about him? (Djaq speaks Arabic) (Arabic) At least one of you knows how to show respect.
- What are you doing? - What are you doing? This man is Prince Malik al-Ayyubi-n-Shadi! Nephew of Saladin! I served under him.
The Saladin? - Oops.
- He is royalty! Bow down to him! Nobody bows down to anybody! Not in this forest.
John? - Come and say hello to - No! You, I do not like.
My friends would like to know about this mask.
What have you done to it? I cannot present it now! - That's a gift? - It was.
- A peace offering.
- Peace? Let's stick needles in his head, see how he likes it.
And this is what happens when cousins marry.
This is a model, for teaching.
Needles placed correctly on parts of the body can cure all sorts of ailments.
- Sounds like dodgy magic to me.
- This is science, not magic.
What, so you're a physician then? You see, John? A physician.
- That's all.
- I'm not a physician.
I am an ambassador.
This gift for Prince John is a gift of healing, to celebrate our new peace treaty.
- Prince John wants peace? - I want peace.
The Holy Lands are drenched in blood.
Thousands of men die on both sides.
This is not the will of Allah.
It is the duty of all good men to put an end to this barbarity.
So, I come to negotiate with Prince John and the Sheriff.
If you really want peace in the Holy Land, Prince John and the Sheriff are the last people you should be speaking to.
Whatever they've told you is a lie.
And how can I believe what you say? You and your band of superstitious, ignorant outlaws.
Now, I demand you let me go.
I'm not being funny, mate, we've just caught you! Let me go.
Or let the blood of thousands be on your conscience.
- You ordered me to take him into the forest! - You were supposed to bring him back! - All right, I will find him somehow.
- A ransom requires a hostage! What am I supposed to give them, you? How much do I get for lovestruck idiots these days? Well, the Saracens don't seem to be hurrying to rescue their prince, do they? They will come! (Guard) Open the door! Well and who was it who said the sun only shines on the righteous? He has returned.
The Saracens must really believe we're going to speak peace.
Oh, such a brave man.
And yet, such a stupid man.
Stupid man.
Oh, nice legs! I meant the horse.
There 's definitely something going on.
Somebody is staying in the castle but nobody is allowed near him.
It's a good job Gisborne's got the gifts covered, then.
You don't deserve anything from me! Guy is being unusually extravagant.
- It must be a business deal.
- It's not business.
It's a Saracen Prince come to negotiate peace.
- With the Sheriff? - And he's expecting Prince John.
Well, no one's preparing for a summit.
You do surprise me, Marian! So, how is Gisborne making money out of a Saracen ambassador? - It doesn't make sense.
- Unless it's It's a ransom.
What, he's being held hostage? But he thinks he's a guest.
More fool him.
I'll bet there 's a fat ransom on its way even as we speak.
Enjoy the horse while you can.
I've got a feeling it might be repossessed.
There we go.
Just pop your head on there.
Time for another dose.
No more.
Oh, surely you're feeling better.
I mean, that's the first time you've slept peacefully.
It's not sleep.
It's living death.
If I am to be destroyed let it be a soldier' s death.
Not an invalid's.
It doesn't have to be either.
Your mind, it can heal in time.
I saw the horrors and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night.
- But I'm still - You just saw them I did them.
See these They captured me, tormented me, tortured me, until I killed my own.
Killed innocents.
Killing was the only thing that would numb the pain.
I'm a monster.
I'm going to hell.
Who is "they"? Who did this to you? Pray you'll never meet them.
That doesn't look like a ransom! - It is not a ransom.
- Course it's a ransom.
Flags of safe passage, women to show good faith Robin, this is not right.
Muslims are forbidden to worship human images.
(Allan) I'm not surprised.
It's hardly a masterpiece, is it? I think it might be the Al-Shuj'aan.
Saladin's assassination squad.
(Giggling) Only one of them is armed.
And that chest of money could feed a lot of mouths.
- Let's take it.
- Robin, no! That's not worship.
That's target practice.
You are not listening to me because I'm a woman.
- Don't make the same mistake with them.
- I'm all ears.
Enough excuses! We must start the peace negotiations tonight.
Every day that passes more innocent lives are lost.
I warn you, Sheriff, I have heard aspersions cast on your honesty.
Aspersions? Surely not.
Now, I insist.
We start the talks today or I travel to London and find Prince John myself! You see Gisborne, this is what you have to look forward to, already.
He's starting to sound like a wife.
How dare you insult me! Two words Peace? Off.
Throw him in the dungeon.
Sheriff! Sheriff come back! Sheriff! Sheriff! The Prince thinks he's here to negotiate peace and the Sheriff thinks a ransom is on its way.
But neither of them know that Saladin has sent assassins instead.
So So, we stay here and do nothing.
Let those Al-Shuj'aanis kill the Sheriff and rescue the Prince.
- Sounds good to me.
- No! The Al-Shuj'aan do not rescue.
They're killers.
That's what they do.
Kill, or die in the attempt.
If they're not going to rescue the Prince, why are they here? They're here to kill the Prince.
Why would Saladin want to kill his own nephew? A nephew that wants peace at any cost.
Saladin wants a fair deal.
- So why send him here in the first place? - But that's the thing.
He didn't.
He came on his own.
- We have to rescue the Prince.
- We tried that.
He doesn't want to know! War in the Holy Land is 2,000 miles away.
It's not our problem.
No, Allan, you're wrong! War is here! It's right here in the forest.
He was an ordinary Englishman.
He tilled the fields, he loved his wife, he cared for his children.
- He's not married! - It's an example.
Then he was forced to go to the Holy Land to fight.
Look at him! A pitiful shadow of a man.
Every day good men like Harold are destroyed out there! Only peace can put a stop to this.
Who are you calling pitiful? You ran from women.
You know about them? I know which part of hell the Al-Shuj'aan come from in here.
They're the ones who did this to you? Does anyone here know what these two are talking about? (Grunts) That's what we're talking about.
War is so much more profitable than peace.
Especially after today.
Be careful they don't cheat us.
You know what these Saracens are like.
Well, if they do, we shall give back their Prince on a pro rata basis.
Chunk by chunk.
Salaam aleikum.
Yes, yes, yes.
Salaam aleikum.
My dear ransom.
(Chuckles) The, er, the key? A sample of the treasure.
Oh, yes, it's very good, but I'd rather have the key.
First we must see our Prince.
Yes, of course.
Gisborne, take him to the dungeons.
What now? I cannot leave the women undefended.
I was really rather hoping to do without the hospitality.
All right! Leave your weapons outside.
Bring the Prince to my quarters.
Ha! One prince.
- No! - Take him to the Great Hall.
But you have not given him to me.
You have not given me my money.
Then you leave me no choice.
Here is your key.
(Bell chimes) Gisborne, help me.
Guards! Wait! Please! Take him! Take the Prince! Forget about the ransom.
You can have him for free! You misunderstand, my friend.
We are not here to rescue the Prince.
We come to bury him.
Along with all talk of peace! - Where 's the Prince? - Forget him! Stay here, protect me! I'll give you your Prince - Where? - In the hall.
Will, get the horses to the east gate.
We'll get Malik.
Don't leave me! Guards! Guards! Get them! - Stop them! - Forget us! - Watch the entrance! - You heard him! - Guard the doors! - The Sheriff's with us? Did no one ever tell you that fools do not deserve to be rescued? This is not a rescue yet, Malik.
La-di-da-di-da! Will you two just shut up? (Men screaming in agony) (Man screams) Get behind me.
D'you have any ideas? Much, Djaq, John, over there.
Allan, Vaizey, with me.
- Me? - Do it, or we die.
(Whooping) Oi! Come on, then! Ready? Now! I hate this.
This isn't much fun at all! (Whooping) (Robin) Get Malik out, now! One.
Keep behind me, keep behind me.
Get him, Prince Bismallah far away from here.
The feeling is mutual.
And Locksley! Remember Business as usual tomorrow.
I'll look forward to it.
And you've never done this before? I've studied the theory.
Will it work? Ask him yourself.
How do you feel? It doesn't feel bad.
It's been a long time since I could say that.
How long will the needles have to stay in? Of that I am not certain.
I will send more instruction once I have reached Jerusalem.
No need.
I'll come with you.
See you safe.
You're going to go back there? There 'll be no true peace in here until there 's peace out there.
I'm afraid your hopes for peace may be in vain.
Not so.
Think about it, my friend.
Saladin sends his finest soldiers to kill me, and yet I survive.
It is the will of Allah.
Allah wills peace.
Saladin may be ruthless but he is also a good Muslim, and even he must follow the will of Allah.
Good luck.
It's amazing what a few well-placed needles can do.
I don't think it was just the needles, Much.
You understood him.
You gave him hope.
I didn't do anything.
I just listened to him.
Well, maybe that's the real magic.
(Robin whistling) - Why don't you listen to me more, Master? - (Robin whistling) - Master! - What? Sorry, did you say something? Unbelievable, you talk to me about listening then you don't listen! Pardon? You talk to me about listening Very funny! Very funny! - Seriously, you don't listen.
- I do listen to you! You don't listen to any of us