Ronny Chieng: International Student (2016) s01e06 Episode Script
Performance Enhancement
Ronny Chieng International Student 1x06 "Performance Enhancement" July 12, 2017 PROFESSOR: Now, exceptions to indefeasibility.
An interest will be recorded on the register if it is discoverable by a proper search of all the material.
If something is noted on the register and the full details aren't explained thereupon but in some other document referenced thereby, the transfer will be subject to that interest.
Adverse possession rights.
The legal system should recognise rights of possession that have existed for many years and are presumably readily ascertainable.
If I might paraphrase use it or lose it.
Now.
Easements.
However so required.
Which allows easements to be acquired over Torrens system land under the doctrine of prescription and almost certainly the general law principles of implied grant.
The result is, a bona fide purchaser - What did he say? - Shh! My god, your notes are amazing.
- How do you do the animation? - Shh! some bastard can dig a bloody big hole in your backyard and stick a pipe in it.
And that is property law and that is the last lecture of the semester.
Are there any questions? Good.
All right.
The open book exam is in two days, you can bring any notes that you want.
But they'd better be the best notes ever written on property law because this exam is a masterpiece.
You may be inclined to prayer, but God himself would fail this exam.
Good luck, and I'll see you all back here when you repeat the subject.
Sir, ah, on behalf of the rest of the class, I'd like to thank you for all the effort Shut up.
All right, you can all go.
(CHATTER) Hey, Wei Jun? Wei Jun? Hey, my notes are hot garbage.
Is there any chance you could maybe lend me yours? Sure.
Here.
My whole semester on this.
It's all yours.
- Oh, really? - Mm.
- Thanks so much.
- You're welcome.
I'm actually kinda surprised you'd just give me all your hard work for nothing.
That's what friends are for.
But don't share with anybody.
Okay.
Yeah.
I promise.
Thanks so much.
You can borrow my notes too, if you want.
No.
That's okay.
- What? - How do you still not have a laptop? Never again.
Pen and paper for life.
Can't get a virus, can't run out of battery, can't be accidentally deleted.
Yeah, and can't be read.
Did you write this while you were having a seizure? Oh, my God.
What is that? Is that cheese? Ooh, that's Brie! I've been looking for this.
Mmm.
Do you want some? No! How does anyone have time to lie around in the sun like a bunch of lizards? Not everyone is a hypercompetitive stressed out law student.
Yeah, slackers.
Man, property law sucks.
- Yo, has anyone ever passed this? - I know, right? It might help if we did a study group.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Let me just print these notes out first.
- And, please, just don't ask Elvin.
- Why not? Because I don't study with anyone dumber than me.
That's why.
But we should help each other out, because we're all in this together.
No, I agree.
Just not him.
Look, this is probably gonna be an all-nighter.
Let me get some coffee.
Ah, uno latte? - Sure.
No worries.
- Grazie.
CRAIG: What are you, 12? Coffee's amateur hour, bro.
You want to stay awake? You need some of these.
Over the counter cold and flu tablets.
The best way to stay awake, and alert.
You use these to study? That's actually a great idea.
I just use them for three-day raves.
- And they work? - Definitely.
I mean, you might experience a little bit of anxiety, depression, aggression, paranoia, stuff like that.
But apart from that, it's awesome.
I'm sold.
Thanks, man.
Hey, hey, hey, you got more of that? Oh.
I'm sorry man.
I'm all out.
I was just about to go get some more, though.
- Can I come with you? - Yeah? Sure! You know? I think that's the first time you've said something to me that wasn't "fuck you".
ASHER: See? Helping each other out already.
Yeah, we could all use some help.
Hey.
Are you okay? Yeah! Why? Why do you ask? You're eating cold and flu's like Tic Tacs and I'm pretty sure you've never done drugs before.
This isn't doing drugs, okay? Drugs are for fun.
This is work.
Isn't one of your mum's biggest rules, don't do drugs? Yeah, my mum also gave me ginseng pig's brain soup during exam period to boost study performance.
- This is the same thing.
okay? Relax! - Okay.
Oh, my God.
Wei Jun's notes are amazing.
They're like a work of art.
There's every class from every semester here.
And Wei Jun is totally fine with this? Yeah, as long as I don't share them with anyone.
Even you.
Why would I need those notes when I've got my pen and paper? With these notes, I will be unstoppable.
Just give me my A right now.
Whoo! Whoo! (COUGHS) Can I get a packet of cold and flu's, please? (COUGHS) Extra strength.
Feel pretty sick.
Make it double, I'm also really sick.
(COUGHS) - Yeah, sorry, guys.
I'm all out.
- Wait.
How can you be out? During exam time, the demand for cold and flu tablets is really high.
Plus there's the whole meth thing.
What's the meth got to do with this? Some bad people are using the pseudoephedrine in the cold and flu tablets to make meth.
So between the drug dealers and students, they've completely cleaned me out.
But I do have some herbal remedies that help with alertness? No.
Fuck that shit.
We need synthetic chemicals (COUGHS) for our colds.
Yeah, sorry, I can't help you.
I can't believe the drug addicts make it harder for legitimate students to take cold and flu pills to study.
I know, right? It's like it's easier to buy meth than cold and flu tablets.
- Actually, that could work! - Hm.
And that's how we would convert methylamphetamine into the pseudoephedrine, which is the active ingredient in cold and flu tablets.
How do you know this? Because I'm genius.
And I have Google.
So, if you get the meth, I can reverse the chemical process through a diastereoselective reaction, and convert it back to pseudoephedrine.
Right.
And then we have all the cold and flu tablets we need.
So, are we making a meth lab? Because I'm pretty sure it's against college rules.
No! We take the meth and make it into something better.
So, technically, this like the anti-meth lab.
Oh.
Well, that's okay, then.
- Hey, guys! - What?! Have you seen these exam notes that have been going around? Oh.
They are fantastic.
They make everything so much easier to understand.
And look, there's even the animations.
Wait! Where'd you get this? They're being shared all over the university.
I mean, whoever made them, they are giving away all their hard work for nothing! How did everyone get Wei Jun's notes? Oh, shit! Whoo! Cheers, Chieng.
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS) This would never have happened with a pen and paper.
Wei Jun's going to kill me.
Look, if these notes are as good as you say, then everyone will just get an A.
Yeah, but that's why Wei Jun didn't want me to share them around.
She entrusted me with them.
She obviously didn't want anyone other than me to get an A.
Well, there's nothing you can do about it now.
It's not like you can make everyone get a B.
Wait.
That's it! I'll make everyone get a B! What? How? I'll just take Wei Jun's notes, I'll plant errors in them, and then I'll release them as like a new even better updated version 2.
0.
Everyone is so desperate for notes, they'll eat that shit up.
- So you're sending out hot shots? - What are hot shots? When drug dealers spike a package with poison to kill people that have become a problem.
Yeah.
That sounds right, yeah.
You're going to sabotage the whole year level? No, I'm just going to plant enough errors so that people who use them get a lower grade.
In a way, I'm actually balancing out the universe.
But you end up on top of the universe.
Asher, I'm not forcing anyone to take the hot shots.
Okay? In fact, I'm teaching people a lesson on not taking the easy way out by relying on other people's notes.
Get on board, man.
I'm just trying to do the right thing.
No! The right thing is to tell Wei Jun you lost her notes and then we start the study group.
Nah.
This is easier.
Hey, Captain America.
Just your usual gram of weed? Nah.
You got any meth? Whoa.
You kids grow up so fast.
- Yeah, how much do you want? - All of it.
- All of it? - Yeah.
I just want to get out of my comfort zone, you know? Challenge myself to try new things.
Oh.
You're trying meth for personal development? Yeah.
Yeah.
All about that PD.
Be your best.
Nothing less.
Yeah, well, there is a lot here for personal development.
Just don't fuckin' OD on me, yeah, and cause a crackdown? Of course.
I'd never do that to a friend.
Yeah, here you go.
This shortage of cold and flu tablets, mate, it's killing the meth trade.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I mean, usually it's meth that does the killing, right? - (LAUGHS) - That's not even funny.
Just kiddin'.
Hey? Get goin'.
Get goin'.
Okay.
I got the meth.
Okay, that's good.
I'm nearly ready to cook.
You know, I think it's cool we're taking this harmful thing off the streets.
It's almost like we're doing a community service.
Yeah.
Whatever.
Just don't touch the hydrochloric acid, it melt your face off.
In fact, don't touch anything! This a very delicate process.
Okay.
Gotcha.
Hey! What you doing? I've never tried meth before.
Just wanted to see what it was like before we used it all up.
What are you, crazy? - This shit destroys lives.
- Sorry.
Fucking idiot.
Okay.
Let's make some study aids.
(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS) There's your half.
Whoa! This is enough pills to stay awake forever! Yeah.
Be careful with that.
This is 95% enantiomerically pure pseudoephedrine.
Awesome.
Wait.
What does that mean? It mean that good shit and I'm the best.
Yep.
We're the best.
Okay, see you later.
I have A+ to study for.
Oh, okay.
I thought we I mean, I can study here with you, if you want? No, we done here.
Thank you very much.
Oh.
- Do you want to grab some food? - No.
Okay, see you.
Bye.
Is there any chance we'll start this study group tonight? No, Asher, I don't have time for study group, all right? I've got to finish these hot shots notes and get them on the street before morning.
Also, I'm out of cold and flu tablets.
Wow, who would have thought failing an entire year level would be so exhausting? I'm not failing anybody.
I'm giving everyone a B, they should be grateful.
B for boy.
B for balloon.
B for bee.
Craig, what's wrong? I'm so bummed out.
B for bummed.
I thought Elvin and I were finally friends.
Turns out he was just using me for a little something something.
Craig, Elvin's a selfish fuck, man.
Why would you want to hang out with someone who's just trying to do things to benefit himself? Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
Thanks, man.
Hey, you got any more cold and flu tablets, by any chance? Yeah.
I got a whole new batch.
All right.
Whoo! Ronny! Jeez.
Go easy! Yeah, those ones have a bit more kick in them than usual, okay? So make sure you're not having them on an empty stomach.
Breakfast! Most important meal of the motherfucking day.
Whoo! (GURGLES) Hey, Captain America.
I told you, I got no meth left, mate.
Nah, nah, man, I got something for you, okay? Check this out.
- Are those cold and flu tablets? - Yep.
95% 'entiamorejfasfecent' pure.
- Where'd you get this many of 'em? - (WHISPERS) I made 'em.
You made these? Can you show me how? Yeah.
Sure.
I mean, I guess that's what friends are for, right? Whoo! Yes! Guys! The mysterious good Samaritan just released version 2.
0 of their notes.
- Everyone is sharing it around.
- Yes! I cannot believe people just blindly trust these anonymous notes! I know.
How can anyone believe someone would just give them all their hard work for nothing? Wait a minute.
(SLOW-MO) I didn't expect you to give me all your hard work for nothing.
(SLOW-MO) That's what friends are for.
Wow, you weren't wrong.
Wei Jun's notes are pretty amazing.
Look at the artistry of this.
Don't touch them! They were hot shots from the start! - (KNOCK ON DOOR) - What? - (DOOR OPENS) - Hey? I know you're studying, but I just gotta help a friend real quick, okay? Hi! Sweet set-up, man.
What the hell?! Who are you? So this is your little personal development programme? Told you it was cool.
Are you going to show me how you made them? Yeah.
Sure.
Okay.
So you get this stereosonic endomorphic and you mix that with the hypercolour crystal Stop it! This is not toy! Actually Elvin knows it better than I do.
Oh, well, if you don't mind.
Both of you get out now.
Oh, okay, we'll go.
Not until you and you show me how you make these cold and flu pills! Okay, okay.
Take it easy! Now! The recipe is on my laptop, let me just bring it up for you.
Yeah, that's fine.
Just give me the laptop.
Can I just email to you? I'm in the middle of writing notes for this exam.
I'm not gonna ask you again.
Give me the laptop, and those cold and flu pills.
Hey, man, this isn't how friends treat partners of friends.
Just give me the stuff! Oh, if you want it, you're going to have to fight us for it.
What? (SIGHS) Okay.
What happened to you guys? We made our own cold and flu tablets from meth and got mugged.
You know that is the last time I trust a violent drug dealer.
You know what? I don't even care.
All right, the exam's tomorrow, I don't have any decent notes, and I have a splitting headache.
The drug dealer stole my property law notes.
Why? Because he want to start his own legal practice? I don't know! Wait! Hang on.
I got it.
I got it.
Tomorrow, before the exam, we set off the fire alarm.
Problem solved.
Yeah! We could light the garbage bin on fire.
That should be enough to trigger the sprinklers! - Okay, we'll need matches and masks.
- Enough! How about instead of trying to cut corners with more dumb ideas, you all sit down with the time you have left and study.
Well, for one thing, there's not enough time.
And for a second thing, we don't have any decent notes! Well, if we combine our resources, and we coach each other through it, we should be able to write new notes by exam time! I.
e.
, form a study group! I've got my handwritten notes.
What have you got? I've got the crappy notes I've been writing all semester.
I have really, really smart brain.
I got lots of study drugs.
Were those up your arsehole? No.
Gross.
They were between my leg and my balls.
All right.
Study group! (ENERGETIC MUSIC PLAYS) (RINGING ON LAPTOP) Good morning, Mrs Chieng! Ronny? What are you doing? What does it look like I'm doing? I'm studying for my exams! It's like in 30 minutes! - Have you been studying all night? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like you say, gotta stay focused, gotta put the work in, no shortcuts! Yeah.
That's great! You sound so much more alert than usual! - How is study going? - It's going great! Been on a roll, got some help from friends, almost done.
I feel like a shark, gotta keep moving, I can't breathe.
Okay, Ronny.
I'm so proud of you! Thanks, Mum.
I love you too.
You should call more often.
I love talking to you.
Goodbye, my son! I love you.
- All right.
I love you too, Mum.
Bye! - Goodbye, my son! You know, I think she likes me better when I'm on drugs.
Okay, Gilmore Girls, print that out.
Let's go, go, go! All right! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Ronny, are you okay? Yeah.
I'm the best.
Never better.
Top of my game.
Okay! The exam is two hours.
Your time (SLOW-MOTION) starts now (ECHOES) now now Don't touch my egg tart! (LAUGHS) - Are you studying hard? - Focus on your fear! Law is conflict.
Conflict is law.
- Ronny! Have you had dinner yet? - (MOCKING LAUGHTER) He's gonna chop your dick off, Mr Angry Asian Man.
CRAIG: Cheers, everyone.
To international experiences.
(DEMONIC LAUGHTER) Don't forget to go all the way down the shaft.
No pain, no grain.
Like a diamond on Viagra hard.
I am the very model of a modern major theatre performer.
(GLASS SHATTERS) I stole her course guide! This isn't just some TV show about you.
What are you waiting for?! This pub is adjourned.
Bad boy need to get a spanking.
Misbehaving, huh? (DISTORTED VOICES OVERLAP AND ECHO) Aaaaaaaaand.
pens down! Shit! Yeah, that exam was even tougher than I thought.
Hey.
What did you get for question two? And did you find question three way harder than question four? Asher, please, can we stop talking about the exam? It's over.
I don't want to think about it.
Yeah.
We just had enough cold and flu tablets to kill a horse.
PROFESSOR: Oh, wait.
You idiots didn't take cold and flu tablets to improve your exam performance, did you? - No.
No.
- Not at all.
Come on.
Hand 'em over.
I'll take one just to make sure they're legit.
They're legit.
Oh, they're better than legit.
Whoo! Hey! Wei Jun! I know what you did, and you didn't get away with it.
What are you talking about? You gave me shitty notes so I would poison the whole year level with them.
But guess what? It didn't work, because I poisoned myself.
What? The notes I gave you are the exact same ones I'm using today.
Nope.
Don't believe it.
See, right here.
It is the exact same one you gave me.
You are a good friend.
Hey, guys! Whoa.
Huh.
Tough exam, huh? Can we please stop talking about the exam? Okay.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
I hope you guys did not use the notes I was telling you about because I found some errors in version 2.
0 which made people worry about 1.
0.
So I think most people did not use any of them.
So people just used their own notes.
I guess you did balance out the universe.
But I ended up on the bottom.
Well, at least everyone worked together for once.
Can we please save the moral of the story for some other time? I'm way too tired.
ASHER: Slacker.
Come on.
Maybe you passed.
My answer to question five was a whale jumping over a unicorn.
Oh, okay.
An interest will be recorded on the register if it is discoverable by a proper search of all the material.
If something is noted on the register and the full details aren't explained thereupon but in some other document referenced thereby, the transfer will be subject to that interest.
Adverse possession rights.
The legal system should recognise rights of possession that have existed for many years and are presumably readily ascertainable.
If I might paraphrase use it or lose it.
Now.
Easements.
However so required.
Which allows easements to be acquired over Torrens system land under the doctrine of prescription and almost certainly the general law principles of implied grant.
The result is, a bona fide purchaser - What did he say? - Shh! My god, your notes are amazing.
- How do you do the animation? - Shh! some bastard can dig a bloody big hole in your backyard and stick a pipe in it.
And that is property law and that is the last lecture of the semester.
Are there any questions? Good.
All right.
The open book exam is in two days, you can bring any notes that you want.
But they'd better be the best notes ever written on property law because this exam is a masterpiece.
You may be inclined to prayer, but God himself would fail this exam.
Good luck, and I'll see you all back here when you repeat the subject.
Sir, ah, on behalf of the rest of the class, I'd like to thank you for all the effort Shut up.
All right, you can all go.
(CHATTER) Hey, Wei Jun? Wei Jun? Hey, my notes are hot garbage.
Is there any chance you could maybe lend me yours? Sure.
Here.
My whole semester on this.
It's all yours.
- Oh, really? - Mm.
- Thanks so much.
- You're welcome.
I'm actually kinda surprised you'd just give me all your hard work for nothing.
That's what friends are for.
But don't share with anybody.
Okay.
Yeah.
I promise.
Thanks so much.
You can borrow my notes too, if you want.
No.
That's okay.
- What? - How do you still not have a laptop? Never again.
Pen and paper for life.
Can't get a virus, can't run out of battery, can't be accidentally deleted.
Yeah, and can't be read.
Did you write this while you were having a seizure? Oh, my God.
What is that? Is that cheese? Ooh, that's Brie! I've been looking for this.
Mmm.
Do you want some? No! How does anyone have time to lie around in the sun like a bunch of lizards? Not everyone is a hypercompetitive stressed out law student.
Yeah, slackers.
Man, property law sucks.
- Yo, has anyone ever passed this? - I know, right? It might help if we did a study group.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Let me just print these notes out first.
- And, please, just don't ask Elvin.
- Why not? Because I don't study with anyone dumber than me.
That's why.
But we should help each other out, because we're all in this together.
No, I agree.
Just not him.
Look, this is probably gonna be an all-nighter.
Let me get some coffee.
Ah, uno latte? - Sure.
No worries.
- Grazie.
CRAIG: What are you, 12? Coffee's amateur hour, bro.
You want to stay awake? You need some of these.
Over the counter cold and flu tablets.
The best way to stay awake, and alert.
You use these to study? That's actually a great idea.
I just use them for three-day raves.
- And they work? - Definitely.
I mean, you might experience a little bit of anxiety, depression, aggression, paranoia, stuff like that.
But apart from that, it's awesome.
I'm sold.
Thanks, man.
Hey, hey, hey, you got more of that? Oh.
I'm sorry man.
I'm all out.
I was just about to go get some more, though.
- Can I come with you? - Yeah? Sure! You know? I think that's the first time you've said something to me that wasn't "fuck you".
ASHER: See? Helping each other out already.
Yeah, we could all use some help.
Hey.
Are you okay? Yeah! Why? Why do you ask? You're eating cold and flu's like Tic Tacs and I'm pretty sure you've never done drugs before.
This isn't doing drugs, okay? Drugs are for fun.
This is work.
Isn't one of your mum's biggest rules, don't do drugs? Yeah, my mum also gave me ginseng pig's brain soup during exam period to boost study performance.
- This is the same thing.
okay? Relax! - Okay.
Oh, my God.
Wei Jun's notes are amazing.
They're like a work of art.
There's every class from every semester here.
And Wei Jun is totally fine with this? Yeah, as long as I don't share them with anyone.
Even you.
Why would I need those notes when I've got my pen and paper? With these notes, I will be unstoppable.
Just give me my A right now.
Whoo! Whoo! (COUGHS) Can I get a packet of cold and flu's, please? (COUGHS) Extra strength.
Feel pretty sick.
Make it double, I'm also really sick.
(COUGHS) - Yeah, sorry, guys.
I'm all out.
- Wait.
How can you be out? During exam time, the demand for cold and flu tablets is really high.
Plus there's the whole meth thing.
What's the meth got to do with this? Some bad people are using the pseudoephedrine in the cold and flu tablets to make meth.
So between the drug dealers and students, they've completely cleaned me out.
But I do have some herbal remedies that help with alertness? No.
Fuck that shit.
We need synthetic chemicals (COUGHS) for our colds.
Yeah, sorry, I can't help you.
I can't believe the drug addicts make it harder for legitimate students to take cold and flu pills to study.
I know, right? It's like it's easier to buy meth than cold and flu tablets.
- Actually, that could work! - Hm.
And that's how we would convert methylamphetamine into the pseudoephedrine, which is the active ingredient in cold and flu tablets.
How do you know this? Because I'm genius.
And I have Google.
So, if you get the meth, I can reverse the chemical process through a diastereoselective reaction, and convert it back to pseudoephedrine.
Right.
And then we have all the cold and flu tablets we need.
So, are we making a meth lab? Because I'm pretty sure it's against college rules.
No! We take the meth and make it into something better.
So, technically, this like the anti-meth lab.
Oh.
Well, that's okay, then.
- Hey, guys! - What?! Have you seen these exam notes that have been going around? Oh.
They are fantastic.
They make everything so much easier to understand.
And look, there's even the animations.
Wait! Where'd you get this? They're being shared all over the university.
I mean, whoever made them, they are giving away all their hard work for nothing! How did everyone get Wei Jun's notes? Oh, shit! Whoo! Cheers, Chieng.
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS) This would never have happened with a pen and paper.
Wei Jun's going to kill me.
Look, if these notes are as good as you say, then everyone will just get an A.
Yeah, but that's why Wei Jun didn't want me to share them around.
She entrusted me with them.
She obviously didn't want anyone other than me to get an A.
Well, there's nothing you can do about it now.
It's not like you can make everyone get a B.
Wait.
That's it! I'll make everyone get a B! What? How? I'll just take Wei Jun's notes, I'll plant errors in them, and then I'll release them as like a new even better updated version 2.
0.
Everyone is so desperate for notes, they'll eat that shit up.
- So you're sending out hot shots? - What are hot shots? When drug dealers spike a package with poison to kill people that have become a problem.
Yeah.
That sounds right, yeah.
You're going to sabotage the whole year level? No, I'm just going to plant enough errors so that people who use them get a lower grade.
In a way, I'm actually balancing out the universe.
But you end up on top of the universe.
Asher, I'm not forcing anyone to take the hot shots.
Okay? In fact, I'm teaching people a lesson on not taking the easy way out by relying on other people's notes.
Get on board, man.
I'm just trying to do the right thing.
No! The right thing is to tell Wei Jun you lost her notes and then we start the study group.
Nah.
This is easier.
Hey, Captain America.
Just your usual gram of weed? Nah.
You got any meth? Whoa.
You kids grow up so fast.
- Yeah, how much do you want? - All of it.
- All of it? - Yeah.
I just want to get out of my comfort zone, you know? Challenge myself to try new things.
Oh.
You're trying meth for personal development? Yeah.
Yeah.
All about that PD.
Be your best.
Nothing less.
Yeah, well, there is a lot here for personal development.
Just don't fuckin' OD on me, yeah, and cause a crackdown? Of course.
I'd never do that to a friend.
Yeah, here you go.
This shortage of cold and flu tablets, mate, it's killing the meth trade.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I mean, usually it's meth that does the killing, right? - (LAUGHS) - That's not even funny.
Just kiddin'.
Hey? Get goin'.
Get goin'.
Okay.
I got the meth.
Okay, that's good.
I'm nearly ready to cook.
You know, I think it's cool we're taking this harmful thing off the streets.
It's almost like we're doing a community service.
Yeah.
Whatever.
Just don't touch the hydrochloric acid, it melt your face off.
In fact, don't touch anything! This a very delicate process.
Okay.
Gotcha.
Hey! What you doing? I've never tried meth before.
Just wanted to see what it was like before we used it all up.
What are you, crazy? - This shit destroys lives.
- Sorry.
Fucking idiot.
Okay.
Let's make some study aids.
(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS) There's your half.
Whoa! This is enough pills to stay awake forever! Yeah.
Be careful with that.
This is 95% enantiomerically pure pseudoephedrine.
Awesome.
Wait.
What does that mean? It mean that good shit and I'm the best.
Yep.
We're the best.
Okay, see you later.
I have A+ to study for.
Oh, okay.
I thought we I mean, I can study here with you, if you want? No, we done here.
Thank you very much.
Oh.
- Do you want to grab some food? - No.
Okay, see you.
Bye.
Is there any chance we'll start this study group tonight? No, Asher, I don't have time for study group, all right? I've got to finish these hot shots notes and get them on the street before morning.
Also, I'm out of cold and flu tablets.
Wow, who would have thought failing an entire year level would be so exhausting? I'm not failing anybody.
I'm giving everyone a B, they should be grateful.
B for boy.
B for balloon.
B for bee.
Craig, what's wrong? I'm so bummed out.
B for bummed.
I thought Elvin and I were finally friends.
Turns out he was just using me for a little something something.
Craig, Elvin's a selfish fuck, man.
Why would you want to hang out with someone who's just trying to do things to benefit himself? Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
Thanks, man.
Hey, you got any more cold and flu tablets, by any chance? Yeah.
I got a whole new batch.
All right.
Whoo! Ronny! Jeez.
Go easy! Yeah, those ones have a bit more kick in them than usual, okay? So make sure you're not having them on an empty stomach.
Breakfast! Most important meal of the motherfucking day.
Whoo! (GURGLES) Hey, Captain America.
I told you, I got no meth left, mate.
Nah, nah, man, I got something for you, okay? Check this out.
- Are those cold and flu tablets? - Yep.
95% 'entiamorejfasfecent' pure.
- Where'd you get this many of 'em? - (WHISPERS) I made 'em.
You made these? Can you show me how? Yeah.
Sure.
I mean, I guess that's what friends are for, right? Whoo! Yes! Guys! The mysterious good Samaritan just released version 2.
0 of their notes.
- Everyone is sharing it around.
- Yes! I cannot believe people just blindly trust these anonymous notes! I know.
How can anyone believe someone would just give them all their hard work for nothing? Wait a minute.
(SLOW-MO) I didn't expect you to give me all your hard work for nothing.
(SLOW-MO) That's what friends are for.
Wow, you weren't wrong.
Wei Jun's notes are pretty amazing.
Look at the artistry of this.
Don't touch them! They were hot shots from the start! - (KNOCK ON DOOR) - What? - (DOOR OPENS) - Hey? I know you're studying, but I just gotta help a friend real quick, okay? Hi! Sweet set-up, man.
What the hell?! Who are you? So this is your little personal development programme? Told you it was cool.
Are you going to show me how you made them? Yeah.
Sure.
Okay.
So you get this stereosonic endomorphic and you mix that with the hypercolour crystal Stop it! This is not toy! Actually Elvin knows it better than I do.
Oh, well, if you don't mind.
Both of you get out now.
Oh, okay, we'll go.
Not until you and you show me how you make these cold and flu pills! Okay, okay.
Take it easy! Now! The recipe is on my laptop, let me just bring it up for you.
Yeah, that's fine.
Just give me the laptop.
Can I just email to you? I'm in the middle of writing notes for this exam.
I'm not gonna ask you again.
Give me the laptop, and those cold and flu pills.
Hey, man, this isn't how friends treat partners of friends.
Just give me the stuff! Oh, if you want it, you're going to have to fight us for it.
What? (SIGHS) Okay.
What happened to you guys? We made our own cold and flu tablets from meth and got mugged.
You know that is the last time I trust a violent drug dealer.
You know what? I don't even care.
All right, the exam's tomorrow, I don't have any decent notes, and I have a splitting headache.
The drug dealer stole my property law notes.
Why? Because he want to start his own legal practice? I don't know! Wait! Hang on.
I got it.
I got it.
Tomorrow, before the exam, we set off the fire alarm.
Problem solved.
Yeah! We could light the garbage bin on fire.
That should be enough to trigger the sprinklers! - Okay, we'll need matches and masks.
- Enough! How about instead of trying to cut corners with more dumb ideas, you all sit down with the time you have left and study.
Well, for one thing, there's not enough time.
And for a second thing, we don't have any decent notes! Well, if we combine our resources, and we coach each other through it, we should be able to write new notes by exam time! I.
e.
, form a study group! I've got my handwritten notes.
What have you got? I've got the crappy notes I've been writing all semester.
I have really, really smart brain.
I got lots of study drugs.
Were those up your arsehole? No.
Gross.
They were between my leg and my balls.
All right.
Study group! (ENERGETIC MUSIC PLAYS) (RINGING ON LAPTOP) Good morning, Mrs Chieng! Ronny? What are you doing? What does it look like I'm doing? I'm studying for my exams! It's like in 30 minutes! - Have you been studying all night? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like you say, gotta stay focused, gotta put the work in, no shortcuts! Yeah.
That's great! You sound so much more alert than usual! - How is study going? - It's going great! Been on a roll, got some help from friends, almost done.
I feel like a shark, gotta keep moving, I can't breathe.
Okay, Ronny.
I'm so proud of you! Thanks, Mum.
I love you too.
You should call more often.
I love talking to you.
Goodbye, my son! I love you.
- All right.
I love you too, Mum.
Bye! - Goodbye, my son! You know, I think she likes me better when I'm on drugs.
Okay, Gilmore Girls, print that out.
Let's go, go, go! All right! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Ronny, are you okay? Yeah.
I'm the best.
Never better.
Top of my game.
Okay! The exam is two hours.
Your time (SLOW-MOTION) starts now (ECHOES) now now Don't touch my egg tart! (LAUGHS) - Are you studying hard? - Focus on your fear! Law is conflict.
Conflict is law.
- Ronny! Have you had dinner yet? - (MOCKING LAUGHTER) He's gonna chop your dick off, Mr Angry Asian Man.
CRAIG: Cheers, everyone.
To international experiences.
(DEMONIC LAUGHTER) Don't forget to go all the way down the shaft.
No pain, no grain.
Like a diamond on Viagra hard.
I am the very model of a modern major theatre performer.
(GLASS SHATTERS) I stole her course guide! This isn't just some TV show about you.
What are you waiting for?! This pub is adjourned.
Bad boy need to get a spanking.
Misbehaving, huh? (DISTORTED VOICES OVERLAP AND ECHO) Aaaaaaaaand.
pens down! Shit! Yeah, that exam was even tougher than I thought.
Hey.
What did you get for question two? And did you find question three way harder than question four? Asher, please, can we stop talking about the exam? It's over.
I don't want to think about it.
Yeah.
We just had enough cold and flu tablets to kill a horse.
PROFESSOR: Oh, wait.
You idiots didn't take cold and flu tablets to improve your exam performance, did you? - No.
No.
- Not at all.
Come on.
Hand 'em over.
I'll take one just to make sure they're legit.
They're legit.
Oh, they're better than legit.
Whoo! Hey! Wei Jun! I know what you did, and you didn't get away with it.
What are you talking about? You gave me shitty notes so I would poison the whole year level with them.
But guess what? It didn't work, because I poisoned myself.
What? The notes I gave you are the exact same ones I'm using today.
Nope.
Don't believe it.
See, right here.
It is the exact same one you gave me.
You are a good friend.
Hey, guys! Whoa.
Huh.
Tough exam, huh? Can we please stop talking about the exam? Okay.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
I hope you guys did not use the notes I was telling you about because I found some errors in version 2.
0 which made people worry about 1.
0.
So I think most people did not use any of them.
So people just used their own notes.
I guess you did balance out the universe.
But I ended up on the bottom.
Well, at least everyone worked together for once.
Can we please save the moral of the story for some other time? I'm way too tired.
ASHER: Slacker.
Come on.
Maybe you passed.
My answer to question five was a whale jumping over a unicorn.
Oh, okay.