Room 104 (2017) s01e09 Episode Script
Boris
1 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) Room 104 1x09 "Boris" Sep 22, 2017 (CHOIR SINGING IN CROATIAN) (SIGHS) (MUSIC PLAYING OVER PHONE) (GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) (SNIFFS) (COUGHS) (HUMMING) Huh? Whoo-hoo! (GRUNTS) - The disco kings are here - Disco king - The disco kings are here - (HUMMING) (GRUNTS) - (GRUNTS, GROANS) - (MUSIC STOPS) (LAUGHING) (LAUGHING CONTINUES) (CHUCKLING) Help.
Ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to make an official announcement.
After 15 years as professional tennis player, Boris Karlovy would like to make an official announcement.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you very much.
I'd like to say for the press and for everybody (FARTING) (EXHALES) (SIGHS) (SPITS) Ah.
No, Boss.
No.
I think it think it's hilarious.
(COUGHING) (THUDS) - (WATER SLOSHING) - ANNOUNCER ON TABLET: Ladies and gentlemen, at age 17, our next opponent won the French Open Juniors and was a semifinalist in Monte Carlo, Madrid, Rome, and Indian Wells.
Please welcome from Croatia, Boris Karlovy.
(TURNS OFF TABLET) (SIGHS) (PHONE RINGING) (GRUNTS) Hey! (SIGHS) What the hell is this? Yes.
I've been a good boy.
I behave.
No.
No, Monte Carlo.
Same as 2008.
I want that back.
Give me another chance to take it back.
Huh? That's what I want.
COMMENTATOR: Third match point opportunity for Karlovy.
COMMENTATOR #2: Well, if he can just convert here, Pat, he moves onto his first Monte Carlo final.
COMMENTATOR: Johnson with the toss.
Clips the net.
Second serve.
Bounces the ball.
- With the toss.
Out wide! - LINESMAN: Out! Karlovy unleashes off his racket and into the stands.
Oh, no! Karlovy drops to the ground.
COMMENTATOR #2: Oh, looks like he's hurt, Pat.
(VIDEO ENDS) (SIGHS) Still the same.
Still fucking same.
(SIGHS) Keeping it together, Boss.
Whatever you say.
(SPEAKING CROATIAN) The cortisone.
Da? Pop.
Cheers, huh? (CLATTERS) (SIGHS) Doc? Da? (SHOUTING) Fuck Monte Carlo! Keeping it together, Boss! Fucking Monte Carlo.
(PANTING) It's time, Kimmy.
Thank you, Kimmy, for being such a good girl.
How you have such patience with me, huh? Living on the farm, milking cows, in the field all day, doing nothing.
Must teach you to be a good, good, patient girl.
Kimmy, Kimmy.
(CHUCKLES) You're so sexy, Kimmy.
So fucking sexy.
(GROWLS) Relax.
Kimmy.
(GROANS) Kimmy, you've got such good moves.
- (GRUNTING) - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Who's there? (KNOCKING) - (KNOCKING) - I'm coming! Yes? Received many phone calls complaining about smoke.
It's against management rules.
Otherwise, we'll charge you extra.
How much extra? $200 for the first offense, more each time.
- Sorry, what is your job? - I clean.
- Like a maid? - Yes, I am a maid, not like a maid.
Sorry, I apologize.
My my English is shit.
My brain is fucked.
- That Santa shirt, I - Have you been naughty or nice? - Excuse me? - Have you been naughty or nice? - (SIGHS) - Sorry, do you believe in Santa Claus? I'm gonna ask you to please stop smoking or else we're gonna ask you to leave Sorry, okay? So - Well, you've been warned.
- Cocktail, señorita? I have to go back to the office.
Señorita, wait, wait! Por favor! Señorita.
What's your name? Please, I beg you.
Look, I have a very bad knee.
Look at it.
Please, what's your name? Huh? I give you $200 fine, okay? Plus another 100 to just talk.
$300? And I put my pants on.
Please, don't go.
What is your name? Rose.
Huh? I'm Boris.
Boris.
See? My father gave me this when I was little.
Before Vukovar, you know, the massacre.
Gonna be a lot of unhappy children left in this world, I tell you.
Santa Claus fucking quit.
I'm sorry.
I was cleaning up and I had a phone call from my son.
Another guest left that Santa suit.
Must be freezing his nuts off.
There it is.
I I apologize for the inconvenience.
No, it's it's cool.
Don't worry about stupid shit.
Well, my boss could fire me for that.
He's not nice to you, your boss? (SIGHS, SCOFFS) No.
It's okay, it's a job.
Eh, sorry about that, you know? I can take the Santa suit.
You know, Dumpster's around the back.
- What? - The Santa suit.
No, you don't take it away.
You don't take it away.
It's my he's my new friend.
You know, this room was a mess.
Took me three hours to clean it up.
Presents and boxes everywhere.
Sorry.
You know, it just Rose, have a drink with me.
Boss is not here.
- You can have one drink.
- Not allowed.
Of course you are allowed! Of course you are! It's your life, Rose.
You live one time.
You have to be able to do what you must.
You know, like, just relax, have a drink! - One drink, I beg you.
- I can't, I If your boss come, we'll tell him I kidnapped you, hold you against your will.
That's it.
Yeah? Okay, so I ask you a question and you have to answer with the first thing that comes to your mind.
- See? - Okay.
Okay.
Rose, the one thing you want most in your life.
My green card.
- A green card? - Well, it's everything to me.
- Why everything? - (SIGHS) If I get it, I'll feel safe, okay? (CHUCKLES) You're not safe now? (SCOFFS) I'm a Mexican living in the US.
I'm a slave.
They can take me away from my son any time.
(SIGHS) I love Mexico.
(CHUCKLES) Been there? Acapulco.
Papaya margarita! - (CHUCKLES) So good! - You know, that's not real Mexico.
- What's real Mexico? - That's hotel Mexico.
That's Mexico for the pinches gringos.
It should not be something you need to worry about.
- What? - (SNIFFS) Getting kicked out of the USA.
- No.
- No, Rose.
Hell, no! Hell, no, Rose! Hell, no! Hell, no, motherfucker! Not in this lifetime! Not in this motherfucking time! Not on my fucking watch, motherfucker! Motherfuckers! (PANTING) (CHUCKLES) Fuck them! What do you do for a living? (SNIFFS) You don't know me? - Should I? - In my country, I'm famous.
Oh, famous.
(CHUCKLES) And is this good, being famous, for you? (SIGHS) Not so far.
What are you famous for? I play sport.
Tennis.
- (SUCKS TEETH) - A pro athlete? Mm, yeah.
(HICCUPS) I I played a I played a tournament today, you know? Mm.
But I lost.
I lost.
(SIGHS) First round.
(SNORTS) Mm-hmm.
I lose all the time, Rose.
I let everybody down.
Huh? "Boris.
Boris, you win! You win for them, Boris!" (SPEAKING CROATIAN) I can't, aef (SOBBING) I can't fucking Okay? I can't.
I fucking can't.
It's I do what I can do.
What can I do? What the fuck do you want me to do? I can't Fucking I fucking can't fucking win! You fuck you! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! (CRYING) I'm supposed to win.
I'm supposed to.
People people depend on me.
These (SOBBING) I can't win.
I can't.
(COUGHING) (COUGHING) Oh.
Oh! Oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna be sick.
(VOMITING, COUGHING) (COUGHING) (PANTING) (GROANING) (WHIMPERS) (GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS) (GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS CONTINUE) (MAN SPEAKING CROATIAN) I'm running.
(GUNFIRE) Uncle! - (SPEAKING CROATIAN) - (MAN SHOUTING IN CROATIAN) (BABY CRYING) (IMITATES GUNFIRE) (SPEAKING CROATIAN) Do bazenu! Bazenu Sam! Ja bazenu Sam! (SIGHS) Good morning, Boris.
What happened? You were very sick last night.
Oh.
What what time is it? 7:00.
(GRUNTS) Boris, what's a bazenu? You kept yelling, "Bazenu, bazenu.
" (SIGHS) Huh.
Bazenu, huh? I was I was six when the Serbs came.
I'll never forget.
My uncle was teaching me to play tennis to become star.
Age five.
(CHUCKLES) There was no tennis court near where we lived.
But there was a pool, bazenu.
You know, empty.
No water.
So he taught me to play in it.
And then when planes came with bombs, we drilled a hole in it and, uh hole in the middle and made it into shelter (SNIFFS) so I could hide in it.
We could hear them, you know, dropping overhead.
So bazenu saved me.
My uncle saved me.
Tennis saved me.
My cousins, my parents they they were taken.
They were put on a bus, taken to a farm, and then they killed them.
So, your uncle is the boss? He took me in, he kept me fed, took me to Russia to train.
(SUCKS TEETH) I play tennis to try and pay them back.
But fail.
(CHUCKLES) Either I dream or I so drunk last night.
(CHUCKLES) You were very drunk last night.
No, I in my dream - Mm.
- I (CHUCKLES) I was I was giving a lot of toys to kids, you know, children.
They were smiling, laughing.
(BOTH CHUCKLING) I was Santa.
It made me so happy.
Mm.
I'm sorry about what happened to you.
- What? - Your family.
Lo siento.
No one's ever said that.
We don't talk about them.
You know, Boss's rules.
(SNIFFLES) - Salud, señorita.
- (CHUCKLES) - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - (SIGHS) If that's my boss, I have to hide.
Mm, I cover for you.
- Who is it? - MAN: My name is Edgar.
I'm so I'm sorry to bother you, but I stayed here the night before last and I think I forgot something in my room.
I tried calling the front desk, but there was no answer.
What, um what are you looking for? It's a red Santa suit.
I was in a hurry to get to my next gig and I just forgot it.
Shucks, I was already on the bus halfway to Tippecanoe when I remembered, so I well, I thought I'd just come by this morning, give it a shot.
- Is this your Santa suit? - Oh, yes.
- ROSE: I see.
- These things are really expensive.
Otherwise, I'd have a backup.
I'd hate to have to replace it.
Sure, of course.
Here.
You see, Boris here would like to buy it from you.
- Do you think that's possible? - Oh, I I'm sorry.
It it's not for sale.
I had it specially fit for my fat butt.
(CHUCKLES) (ALL CHUCKLING) Are you sure? $300.
No, I wish I could, but I have a bunch of kids that are counting on me.
It's okay.
Much obliged.
Merry Christmas, folks.
(CHUCKLES) Can I buy you coffee? I have to pick up my son.
- What's his name? - Jesus.
- "Hey, Zeus"? - Yeah, spelled like Jesus.
Ah, cool, cool, cool, cool.
- So I met Jesus's mom.
- (CHUCKLES) Well, good luck, Boris.
Hey, Rose.
Here, one second.
For Jesus.
Even if he'll never play, at least it will make a good story, you know? It's okay, you don't have to give us anything.
Rose.
(SIGHS) You helped me.
I don't know what to say.
Goes on your shoulder.
(CHUCKLES) (DOOR CLOSES) (SNIFFLES, SIGHS) (MUSIC PLAYING) Time to go back to the cows, Kimmy.
(SINGERS VOCALIZING) Jolly old St.
Nicholas Lean your ear this way Don't you tell a single soul What I'm going to say Christmas Eve is coming soon Now, you dear, old man Whisper what you'll bring to me Tell me if you can Jolly Jolly Jolly old St.
Nick Jolly Jolly Jolly old St.
Nick (VOCALIZING) Jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly Jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly old St.
Nick.
Ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to make an official announcement.
After 15 years as professional tennis player, Boris Karlovy would like to make an official announcement.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you very much.
I'd like to say for the press and for everybody (FARTING) (EXHALES) (SIGHS) (SPITS) Ah.
No, Boss.
No.
I think it think it's hilarious.
(COUGHING) (THUDS) - (WATER SLOSHING) - ANNOUNCER ON TABLET: Ladies and gentlemen, at age 17, our next opponent won the French Open Juniors and was a semifinalist in Monte Carlo, Madrid, Rome, and Indian Wells.
Please welcome from Croatia, Boris Karlovy.
(TURNS OFF TABLET) (SIGHS) (PHONE RINGING) (GRUNTS) Hey! (SIGHS) What the hell is this? Yes.
I've been a good boy.
I behave.
No.
No, Monte Carlo.
Same as 2008.
I want that back.
Give me another chance to take it back.
Huh? That's what I want.
COMMENTATOR: Third match point opportunity for Karlovy.
COMMENTATOR #2: Well, if he can just convert here, Pat, he moves onto his first Monte Carlo final.
COMMENTATOR: Johnson with the toss.
Clips the net.
Second serve.
Bounces the ball.
- With the toss.
Out wide! - LINESMAN: Out! Karlovy unleashes off his racket and into the stands.
Oh, no! Karlovy drops to the ground.
COMMENTATOR #2: Oh, looks like he's hurt, Pat.
(VIDEO ENDS) (SIGHS) Still the same.
Still fucking same.
(SIGHS) Keeping it together, Boss.
Whatever you say.
(SPEAKING CROATIAN) The cortisone.
Da? Pop.
Cheers, huh? (CLATTERS) (SIGHS) Doc? Da? (SHOUTING) Fuck Monte Carlo! Keeping it together, Boss! Fucking Monte Carlo.
(PANTING) It's time, Kimmy.
Thank you, Kimmy, for being such a good girl.
How you have such patience with me, huh? Living on the farm, milking cows, in the field all day, doing nothing.
Must teach you to be a good, good, patient girl.
Kimmy, Kimmy.
(CHUCKLES) You're so sexy, Kimmy.
So fucking sexy.
(GROWLS) Relax.
Kimmy.
(GROANS) Kimmy, you've got such good moves.
- (GRUNTING) - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Who's there? (KNOCKING) - (KNOCKING) - I'm coming! Yes? Received many phone calls complaining about smoke.
It's against management rules.
Otherwise, we'll charge you extra.
How much extra? $200 for the first offense, more each time.
- Sorry, what is your job? - I clean.
- Like a maid? - Yes, I am a maid, not like a maid.
Sorry, I apologize.
My my English is shit.
My brain is fucked.
- That Santa shirt, I - Have you been naughty or nice? - Excuse me? - Have you been naughty or nice? - (SIGHS) - Sorry, do you believe in Santa Claus? I'm gonna ask you to please stop smoking or else we're gonna ask you to leave Sorry, okay? So - Well, you've been warned.
- Cocktail, señorita? I have to go back to the office.
Señorita, wait, wait! Por favor! Señorita.
What's your name? Please, I beg you.
Look, I have a very bad knee.
Look at it.
Please, what's your name? Huh? I give you $200 fine, okay? Plus another 100 to just talk.
$300? And I put my pants on.
Please, don't go.
What is your name? Rose.
Huh? I'm Boris.
Boris.
See? My father gave me this when I was little.
Before Vukovar, you know, the massacre.
Gonna be a lot of unhappy children left in this world, I tell you.
Santa Claus fucking quit.
I'm sorry.
I was cleaning up and I had a phone call from my son.
Another guest left that Santa suit.
Must be freezing his nuts off.
There it is.
I I apologize for the inconvenience.
No, it's it's cool.
Don't worry about stupid shit.
Well, my boss could fire me for that.
He's not nice to you, your boss? (SIGHS, SCOFFS) No.
It's okay, it's a job.
Eh, sorry about that, you know? I can take the Santa suit.
You know, Dumpster's around the back.
- What? - The Santa suit.
No, you don't take it away.
You don't take it away.
It's my he's my new friend.
You know, this room was a mess.
Took me three hours to clean it up.
Presents and boxes everywhere.
Sorry.
You know, it just Rose, have a drink with me.
Boss is not here.
- You can have one drink.
- Not allowed.
Of course you are allowed! Of course you are! It's your life, Rose.
You live one time.
You have to be able to do what you must.
You know, like, just relax, have a drink! - One drink, I beg you.
- I can't, I If your boss come, we'll tell him I kidnapped you, hold you against your will.
That's it.
Yeah? Okay, so I ask you a question and you have to answer with the first thing that comes to your mind.
- See? - Okay.
Okay.
Rose, the one thing you want most in your life.
My green card.
- A green card? - Well, it's everything to me.
- Why everything? - (SIGHS) If I get it, I'll feel safe, okay? (CHUCKLES) You're not safe now? (SCOFFS) I'm a Mexican living in the US.
I'm a slave.
They can take me away from my son any time.
(SIGHS) I love Mexico.
(CHUCKLES) Been there? Acapulco.
Papaya margarita! - (CHUCKLES) So good! - You know, that's not real Mexico.
- What's real Mexico? - That's hotel Mexico.
That's Mexico for the pinches gringos.
It should not be something you need to worry about.
- What? - (SNIFFS) Getting kicked out of the USA.
- No.
- No, Rose.
Hell, no! Hell, no, Rose! Hell, no! Hell, no, motherfucker! Not in this lifetime! Not in this motherfucking time! Not on my fucking watch, motherfucker! Motherfuckers! (PANTING) (CHUCKLES) Fuck them! What do you do for a living? (SNIFFS) You don't know me? - Should I? - In my country, I'm famous.
Oh, famous.
(CHUCKLES) And is this good, being famous, for you? (SIGHS) Not so far.
What are you famous for? I play sport.
Tennis.
- (SUCKS TEETH) - A pro athlete? Mm, yeah.
(HICCUPS) I I played a I played a tournament today, you know? Mm.
But I lost.
I lost.
(SIGHS) First round.
(SNORTS) Mm-hmm.
I lose all the time, Rose.
I let everybody down.
Huh? "Boris.
Boris, you win! You win for them, Boris!" (SPEAKING CROATIAN) I can't, aef (SOBBING) I can't fucking Okay? I can't.
I fucking can't.
It's I do what I can do.
What can I do? What the fuck do you want me to do? I can't Fucking I fucking can't fucking win! You fuck you! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! (CRYING) I'm supposed to win.
I'm supposed to.
People people depend on me.
These (SOBBING) I can't win.
I can't.
(COUGHING) (COUGHING) Oh.
Oh! Oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna be sick.
(VOMITING, COUGHING) (COUGHING) (PANTING) (GROANING) (WHIMPERS) (GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS) (GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS CONTINUE) (MAN SPEAKING CROATIAN) I'm running.
(GUNFIRE) Uncle! - (SPEAKING CROATIAN) - (MAN SHOUTING IN CROATIAN) (BABY CRYING) (IMITATES GUNFIRE) (SPEAKING CROATIAN) Do bazenu! Bazenu Sam! Ja bazenu Sam! (SIGHS) Good morning, Boris.
What happened? You were very sick last night.
Oh.
What what time is it? 7:00.
(GRUNTS) Boris, what's a bazenu? You kept yelling, "Bazenu, bazenu.
" (SIGHS) Huh.
Bazenu, huh? I was I was six when the Serbs came.
I'll never forget.
My uncle was teaching me to play tennis to become star.
Age five.
(CHUCKLES) There was no tennis court near where we lived.
But there was a pool, bazenu.
You know, empty.
No water.
So he taught me to play in it.
And then when planes came with bombs, we drilled a hole in it and, uh hole in the middle and made it into shelter (SNIFFS) so I could hide in it.
We could hear them, you know, dropping overhead.
So bazenu saved me.
My uncle saved me.
Tennis saved me.
My cousins, my parents they they were taken.
They were put on a bus, taken to a farm, and then they killed them.
So, your uncle is the boss? He took me in, he kept me fed, took me to Russia to train.
(SUCKS TEETH) I play tennis to try and pay them back.
But fail.
(CHUCKLES) Either I dream or I so drunk last night.
(CHUCKLES) You were very drunk last night.
No, I in my dream - Mm.
- I (CHUCKLES) I was I was giving a lot of toys to kids, you know, children.
They were smiling, laughing.
(BOTH CHUCKLING) I was Santa.
It made me so happy.
Mm.
I'm sorry about what happened to you.
- What? - Your family.
Lo siento.
No one's ever said that.
We don't talk about them.
You know, Boss's rules.
(SNIFFLES) - Salud, señorita.
- (CHUCKLES) - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - (SIGHS) If that's my boss, I have to hide.
Mm, I cover for you.
- Who is it? - MAN: My name is Edgar.
I'm so I'm sorry to bother you, but I stayed here the night before last and I think I forgot something in my room.
I tried calling the front desk, but there was no answer.
What, um what are you looking for? It's a red Santa suit.
I was in a hurry to get to my next gig and I just forgot it.
Shucks, I was already on the bus halfway to Tippecanoe when I remembered, so I well, I thought I'd just come by this morning, give it a shot.
- Is this your Santa suit? - Oh, yes.
- ROSE: I see.
- These things are really expensive.
Otherwise, I'd have a backup.
I'd hate to have to replace it.
Sure, of course.
Here.
You see, Boris here would like to buy it from you.
- Do you think that's possible? - Oh, I I'm sorry.
It it's not for sale.
I had it specially fit for my fat butt.
(CHUCKLES) (ALL CHUCKLING) Are you sure? $300.
No, I wish I could, but I have a bunch of kids that are counting on me.
It's okay.
Much obliged.
Merry Christmas, folks.
(CHUCKLES) Can I buy you coffee? I have to pick up my son.
- What's his name? - Jesus.
- "Hey, Zeus"? - Yeah, spelled like Jesus.
Ah, cool, cool, cool, cool.
- So I met Jesus's mom.
- (CHUCKLES) Well, good luck, Boris.
Hey, Rose.
Here, one second.
For Jesus.
Even if he'll never play, at least it will make a good story, you know? It's okay, you don't have to give us anything.
Rose.
(SIGHS) You helped me.
I don't know what to say.
Goes on your shoulder.
(CHUCKLES) (DOOR CLOSES) (SNIFFLES, SIGHS) (MUSIC PLAYING) Time to go back to the cows, Kimmy.
(SINGERS VOCALIZING) Jolly old St.
Nicholas Lean your ear this way Don't you tell a single soul What I'm going to say Christmas Eve is coming soon Now, you dear, old man Whisper what you'll bring to me Tell me if you can Jolly Jolly Jolly old St.
Nick Jolly Jolly Jolly old St.
Nick (VOCALIZING) Jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly Jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly old St.
Nick.