Roseanne s05e06 Episode Script
Looking for Loans in All the Wrong Places
[video game blasting.]
Hyah! Hyah! Ooh-hah! That was fun.
You're a way better babysitter than Darlene.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, you let me out of my room.
Hey, I love these games.
We used to play them all the time back in iowa.
Without electricity? What? Darlene says there's no electricity or lights where you come from, But that's okay, 'cause you can't read anyway.
Oh, yeah? Well, what else did she say? You guys keep live chickens in your kitchen And kill them with your bare hands.
Oh, really? Yeah, But there's one part I don't get.
How can someone's sister be their mom? Hey.
Hey.
Hi, Molly.
Hi, David.
You can go now.
Okay.
Just tell your mom she can pay me tomorrow.
Oh, you didn't get the money up front? Well, you'll learn.
[southern accent.]
well, she better pay, 'cause we're savin' up So we can get us one of them talkin' picture boxes.
Excuse me? Oh, you know, now that we got 'lectricity.
Bye-bye, now.
Why, thank you, David.
Sleep tight.
You're about to become a strange smell in the attic.
What are you smiling about? Nothing.
Oh, come on.
You don't go for that Flirty, cutesy, barbie-doll crap, do you? I mean, she was so obvious.
I don't know.
I guess for some guys, it'd probably make 'em feel, You know, like a man.
I can make you feel like a man, David.
Take out the trash.
[theme.]
[Roseanne laughing.]
We're back! Come on, come on.
I've been holding it in since the illinois state line! Hey, you drink the big gulp, you suffer the consequences.
What a riot! I haven't been In the flatbed of a pickup since I son't know when.
It's a totally different experience sitting up, ain't it, Jackie? Darlene, d.
J.
! Here it is.
Iowa's best-selling sandwich comes to Lanford.
Onasis had ships, hilton had hotels, [goofily.]
we got loose meat.
[guffaws.]
What reeks? Your future.
Yeah, that smells about right.
I can't believe you guys drove all that way just to copy some greasy diner.
Well, if we're gonna be successful in business, We're gonna have to steal the idea from somebody.
You should've seen it, Darlene.
People were shoving loose meat in their faces as fast as they could get their hands on it.
Well, why not just drop a carcass on the table And let them gnaw till they're full? Hey.
Don't step on my buzz, okay? This means a lot to me.
I would like to have something to show for my life Besides stretch marks.
I'm sorry.
I just can't believe we're gonna make money By clogging people's arteries with the fat of poor, slaughtered animals.
Cool, isn't it? Yeah, don't knock it till you've tried it, Darlene.
Come on.
Take a bite for daddy.
Come on, Darlene.
All the really cool kids are doing it.
You would be so popular if you did.
All right, get that thing away from me.
I'm not gonna eat some animal's face.
You don't eat the face.
You mount it on the wall as a tribute.
Okay, I've sketched out their floor plan.
I say we stick to the original as best we can, 'cause whatever they're doing works.
I'll tell you one thing we're gonna do differently.
We're gonna put a lock on the bathroom.
And the door.
D.
J.
! Darlene, do you know if he ate dinner? Oh, I don't know.
I think Molly probably Took him out back and slopped him.
Would you please go get him? I want him to come down and taste one of these sandwiches.
Oh, did Molly say How much I owe her for babysitting? You know, funniest thing-- She said she couldn't take money for helping us out.
It wouldn't be neighborly.
What a nice girl.
[Darlene.]
D.
J.
! Mom said that she wants-- Oh, I'm sorry, Deej.
I didn't know you were asleep.
Like I'm really gonna buy that, you stupid little loser.
What are you up to? Nothing.
Yeah? Well, then, what's this? I was looking at the stars.
Hmm.
Oh, well, would you look at that.
There's a constellation in the shape of a naked next-door neighbor.
I wasn't watching her.
You were peeping at Molly.
She's your babysitter, you little perv.
I didn't do it.
I hate girls.
You know what happens the next time you do it? I'm telling mom and dad, And then you get hauled off to jail, where peepers like you get their eyelids sewn shut So they can never peep again.
All right, go downstairs.
Mom wants you to try a loose-meat sandwich.
That's punishment enough for now.
I knew she stuffed.
Well? Yeah, what do you think, Dan? Did we get the recipe or not? Fruity, yet bovine.
And impudent little sandwich.
Bingo.
Yes! It's great.
It's just kind of hard to eat.
Well, see, therein lies the beauty.
You drop half of it on your lap, and then You're forced to buy another one.
I'll take another one.
Coming right up.
[giggling.]
What? It's just so neat, you know, Being in the kitchen with my guy all hungry, waiting for food.
Yeah, it really is neat, you know? And if you play your cards right, you get to do it every day, Until one of you dies.
Okay, now, we got the recipe and we've got the money, And Nancy's out looking for the place, So that means that so far we have the recipe and the money.
So, what we need now is a real catchy name.
How about Lanford custom cycle? I know where you can get a sign real cheap.
No, something real catchy like, sandwiches and stuff.
Lunch and munch.
Eat and go.
Beef and barf.
All right.
Let's think about this, then.
Meat, beef.
Beefy.
Bun.
Sandwich.
Sandwich, bun.
The sandwich bun.
I don't have anything.
What's the matter with you, D.
J.
? You guys are in there doing all this stuff about the restaurant, And I don't get to do anything.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You know, it's your restaurant too.
You can do whatever you want to do.
Cool! I get to name the place! Well, uh, D.
J.
Mom says I get to name the restaurant.
Great.
From the boy who named his goldfish "fluffy.
" Hey, he couldn't do any worse than us.
Go ahead, give it a shot.
The lunch box.
That's pretty good.
"lunch box" it is.
Way to go, Deej.
Yeah, lunch box.
Hi, guys.
Guess what? We found a place.
Great.
'cause we got a name, and we cracked the recipe.
Yeah, here, taste it, Nance.
No, no.
Wait.
Me first.
This is Kerry Thompson, the realtor who's been showing me around.
[Dan.]
Hi, Kerry.
Hi.
Tell them about the place.
Oh, okay.
You know the pizza palace on route 42? Yeah, that's the place with the mural Of the last supper, but everyone's eating pizza.
Really, the place is okay.
Tell them it's okay.
It's okay.
But we have a problem.
Tell them we have a problem.
We have a problem.
I don't think you guys have enough money.
What are you talking about? We have $30,000.
Well, have your accountant crunch the numbers, But I haven't heard of anyone opening up even the smallest place For under 40, Not even if we skimp on the health codes and stuff? I'm just being honest.
Well, we're screwed.
There's no way any bank's gonna loan us a dime.
But you didn't let me finish.
There's a thing we can do.
Tell them about the thing-- would you stop that? I was telling Nancy that we might want to try the small business administration.
It's this government office where people like you Can go and get start-up loans to get your business going.
They're never gonna give us any money.
Sure, they will.
We have a legitimate idea.
We'll just go in there and tell them the truth.
Sounds great.
We'll go down tomorrow.
Tomorrow? I can't come up with the truth by tomorrow.
"donald bobeck"" donald-- that's a friendly name.
Lot of friendly donalds.
Donald duck, donald sutherland, Uh, donald, uh, um "that girl's" boyfriend.
He was so friendly.
What was his last name? Could you shut up? What are you so nervous about? "Hollinger.
" What? "that girl's" boyfriend's last name was Hollinger.
Oh, great.
Well, could you just keep that under your hat until they ask? Look at this pamphlet here.
It's got this whole section on minorities.
It says that they give special consideration to businesses run by women.
That's it.
That's our angle.
We're women.
I say we go with it.
Thank god we all brought our ovaries with us.
Hi, there.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
Oh, that's okay.
We're all real patient, Being women and all.
Uh, Mrs.
Conner and, uh Ms.
Harris.
Just Nancy.
[clicks tongue.]
Now, why don't you tell me about this business you want to start? Well, okay.
Uh Well, it's a restaurant, see? But more.
A lot more.
We're gonna serve loose-meat sandwiches.
"loose meat"? Yeah, well, it's kind of like, uh, Early on, when mcdonalds just started, you know? Because the whole thing's based on this hamburger thing, Only ours looks really weird, but then you can buy chips and pie and stuff.
And pop.
In cans.
Interesting.
Have any of you had previous experience in running a restaurant? Oh, yeah, yeah.
I have.
I was, uh, Well, the best waitress at rodbell's.
I should have been put up into management, but they kind of held me back Because I'm a woman.
And you, ms.
Harris? I have Hauled meat.
I have Eaten meat.
Nancy? I'm gonna have to take a pass on this one, don.
Which, of course, we all know Is a woman's prerogative.
Well, we do have special provisions For minorities and the handicapped.
I assume none of you are handicapped.
I have 3 kids.
I'm in therapy.
Mm-hmm.
And what bank will you be going through? Oh, we're not going through a bank.
Don, that's why we're here! No, no, no.
I don't think you understand.
You see, what we do here at the S.
B.
A.
Is guarantee the loan.
You still have to get the money from the bank.
Well, so what do you call it the small business administration for? What don't you call it the "get your own damn money administration"? Mrs.
Conner, don't get excited.
Well, now, we came to you to get some money.
So do you guys have any money or not? Well, we almost never give direct loans.
The government changed the rules.
Now we make a deal with the bank so if your business folds, The bank will get most of its money back.
Well, that sucks.
So you're in business with banks.
What about us, you know? Banks have tons of money, and we don't got any.
Don't blow it, Roseanne.
This guy can help us get a loan If he wants to recommend us.
Will you recommend us? Not likely.
Based on our criteria, We consider you A bad risk.
I'll tell you what a bad risk is.
That's you sitting across this desk from me, calling me a bad risk.
[Jackie.]
forget it, Roseanne.
You know, the S.
B.
A.
Is supposed to be set up to help people like us.
Y'all don't know nothing about people like us.
The trouble with people who work for the government Is y'all have jobs.
[rings.]
Yes? I think you should know I was in my room getting ready for bed, And I saw your brother watching me.
Again? "again"? Yeah, I caught him doing it about a week ago.
And you didn't do anything? Yeah, I told him he wouldn't get much money for the pictures.
I told him to stop.
Thanks a lot for all your help.
Look, what was I supposed to do? You could've told me.
Oh, I forgot.
You're not from these parts.
Well, here in the big city, when you change in front of an open window, You're not just amusing the sheep.
Darlene, what do you have against me? Nothing.
I just feel that we're at that point in our friendship Where you should realize that we don't have one.
I mean it.
What did I ever do to you? Is this because David flirts with me? I think you have that backwards.
You're the one always pulling the touchy-feely routine every time he's around.
I was just trying to be nice.
Well, he's not used to being treated that way, okay? All right, look.
Maybe I came on a little strong the other day, but I was mad at you.
Just trust me.
I'm not interested in David, okay? Yeah, right.
And I'm sure David doesn't like me.
I know that.
I didn't say he liked you.
I said, cut the boy-toy crap.
Okay.
I know he doesn't like you.
Fine! Fine! So anyway, are you gonna do something about your brother? Yeah, I'll take care of it.
Well, I hope so, 'cause he could grow up to be a really disturbed individual.
[chuckles.]
you don't understand, here, Molly.
This is the most normal thing he's ever done.
Hey, at least you tried.
[scoffs.]
I guess now I'm back to trucking.
Yeah, and I guess I'm back to looking for Some low-paying crap job.
Don't worry, honey.
You'll find one.
Damn it, Dan, I really wanted this, you know? I wanted it really, really bad! I know, rosie.
It's not fair! I know, Jackie.
How come our lives always have to be the ones that suck, huh? I don't know, rosie? How come we never get one little thing that we want? I don't know, Jackie.
This is all your fault, Jackie.
My fault? Yeah! You're the one that dragged that damn ray of hope into this house.
I just can't believe it's gonna end like this.
There's got to be somebody to loan us the money.
How about Crystal and Ed? Nah, they got 3 kids and a mortgage.
Chuck and anne-marie.
He's still looking for work.
Gil and Patty.
No, they're barely getting by like everybody else we know.
We got to get a better class of friends.
There's got to be somebody who can give us $10,000 like mom did.
It's an awful lot of money.
What happened to the 10,000 I gave you last week? Aw, cripes, mom, We blew that on candy and records.
Roseanne, I told you it was a big mistake.
Now, hold on! I didn't say no.
Just give me a few minutes.
Well, now, you've got to use your imagination, ma.
You know, you've got to picture it full of people.
Yeah, it's gonna look way different full of people, mom.
It's not gonna look so empty.
Yes, Jackie, I suppose it is the kind of place Your trucker friends would frequent.
Would you like to see the oven, mom? I think I smell mice.
What are we doing? This is our dream.
We can't have a dream with mom in it.
Well, don't think about it as asking for her help.
Think about it as draining her nest egg.
[bev.]
this water is yellow! Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god! Help me drain the water here! Listen, trust me, This is the perfect place to hit her up for money.
And if she says no, it's the perfect place to dump the body.
Well, I've decided.
I'm not going to lend you the money.
Big, fat waste of time.
However, what I will do is Put up the $10,000 and become your fourth partner.
But I want you to know, I'm not doing this for you.
I'm doing it for me.
I never had a chance to do anything like this before.
So, do we have a deal? Deal.
This is where the thunder claps and the sky turns black.
I'll write you a check tomorrow.
You know what would look great on these walls? Some paintings I've been doing.
Painting-- I've been painting.
Listen.
Now, now, listen.
Listen.
Just think of it like this, okay? From now on, you'll be able to write off Your therapy as a business expense.
Your little brother's doing it again.
I told you I'd take care of it, and I did.
D.
J.
! What are you calling him down here for? He'll never admit it.
Oh, he won't have to.
I put shoe polish on the eye of his telescope So he'll be branded for the deviant that he is.
What do you want? Brilliant plan.
Should have worked.
Hey.
What? Hi, guys! Guess what? We found a place.
Great.
'cause we got a name, and we cracked the recipe.
Yeah, yeah.
Here, taste it, Nance.
No, wait.
Me first.
This is Kerry Thompson, the realtor who's been showing me around.
Hi.
Well, hello, Kerry.
Do you have a card, kerry? [theme.]
Hyah! Hyah! Ooh-hah! That was fun.
You're a way better babysitter than Darlene.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, you let me out of my room.
Hey, I love these games.
We used to play them all the time back in iowa.
Without electricity? What? Darlene says there's no electricity or lights where you come from, But that's okay, 'cause you can't read anyway.
Oh, yeah? Well, what else did she say? You guys keep live chickens in your kitchen And kill them with your bare hands.
Oh, really? Yeah, But there's one part I don't get.
How can someone's sister be their mom? Hey.
Hey.
Hi, Molly.
Hi, David.
You can go now.
Okay.
Just tell your mom she can pay me tomorrow.
Oh, you didn't get the money up front? Well, you'll learn.
[southern accent.]
well, she better pay, 'cause we're savin' up So we can get us one of them talkin' picture boxes.
Excuse me? Oh, you know, now that we got 'lectricity.
Bye-bye, now.
Why, thank you, David.
Sleep tight.
You're about to become a strange smell in the attic.
What are you smiling about? Nothing.
Oh, come on.
You don't go for that Flirty, cutesy, barbie-doll crap, do you? I mean, she was so obvious.
I don't know.
I guess for some guys, it'd probably make 'em feel, You know, like a man.
I can make you feel like a man, David.
Take out the trash.
[theme.]
[Roseanne laughing.]
We're back! Come on, come on.
I've been holding it in since the illinois state line! Hey, you drink the big gulp, you suffer the consequences.
What a riot! I haven't been In the flatbed of a pickup since I son't know when.
It's a totally different experience sitting up, ain't it, Jackie? Darlene, d.
J.
! Here it is.
Iowa's best-selling sandwich comes to Lanford.
Onasis had ships, hilton had hotels, [goofily.]
we got loose meat.
[guffaws.]
What reeks? Your future.
Yeah, that smells about right.
I can't believe you guys drove all that way just to copy some greasy diner.
Well, if we're gonna be successful in business, We're gonna have to steal the idea from somebody.
You should've seen it, Darlene.
People were shoving loose meat in their faces as fast as they could get their hands on it.
Well, why not just drop a carcass on the table And let them gnaw till they're full? Hey.
Don't step on my buzz, okay? This means a lot to me.
I would like to have something to show for my life Besides stretch marks.
I'm sorry.
I just can't believe we're gonna make money By clogging people's arteries with the fat of poor, slaughtered animals.
Cool, isn't it? Yeah, don't knock it till you've tried it, Darlene.
Come on.
Take a bite for daddy.
Come on, Darlene.
All the really cool kids are doing it.
You would be so popular if you did.
All right, get that thing away from me.
I'm not gonna eat some animal's face.
You don't eat the face.
You mount it on the wall as a tribute.
Okay, I've sketched out their floor plan.
I say we stick to the original as best we can, 'cause whatever they're doing works.
I'll tell you one thing we're gonna do differently.
We're gonna put a lock on the bathroom.
And the door.
D.
J.
! Darlene, do you know if he ate dinner? Oh, I don't know.
I think Molly probably Took him out back and slopped him.
Would you please go get him? I want him to come down and taste one of these sandwiches.
Oh, did Molly say How much I owe her for babysitting? You know, funniest thing-- She said she couldn't take money for helping us out.
It wouldn't be neighborly.
What a nice girl.
[Darlene.]
D.
J.
! Mom said that she wants-- Oh, I'm sorry, Deej.
I didn't know you were asleep.
Like I'm really gonna buy that, you stupid little loser.
What are you up to? Nothing.
Yeah? Well, then, what's this? I was looking at the stars.
Hmm.
Oh, well, would you look at that.
There's a constellation in the shape of a naked next-door neighbor.
I wasn't watching her.
You were peeping at Molly.
She's your babysitter, you little perv.
I didn't do it.
I hate girls.
You know what happens the next time you do it? I'm telling mom and dad, And then you get hauled off to jail, where peepers like you get their eyelids sewn shut So they can never peep again.
All right, go downstairs.
Mom wants you to try a loose-meat sandwich.
That's punishment enough for now.
I knew she stuffed.
Well? Yeah, what do you think, Dan? Did we get the recipe or not? Fruity, yet bovine.
And impudent little sandwich.
Bingo.
Yes! It's great.
It's just kind of hard to eat.
Well, see, therein lies the beauty.
You drop half of it on your lap, and then You're forced to buy another one.
I'll take another one.
Coming right up.
[giggling.]
What? It's just so neat, you know, Being in the kitchen with my guy all hungry, waiting for food.
Yeah, it really is neat, you know? And if you play your cards right, you get to do it every day, Until one of you dies.
Okay, now, we got the recipe and we've got the money, And Nancy's out looking for the place, So that means that so far we have the recipe and the money.
So, what we need now is a real catchy name.
How about Lanford custom cycle? I know where you can get a sign real cheap.
No, something real catchy like, sandwiches and stuff.
Lunch and munch.
Eat and go.
Beef and barf.
All right.
Let's think about this, then.
Meat, beef.
Beefy.
Bun.
Sandwich.
Sandwich, bun.
The sandwich bun.
I don't have anything.
What's the matter with you, D.
J.
? You guys are in there doing all this stuff about the restaurant, And I don't get to do anything.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You know, it's your restaurant too.
You can do whatever you want to do.
Cool! I get to name the place! Well, uh, D.
J.
Mom says I get to name the restaurant.
Great.
From the boy who named his goldfish "fluffy.
" Hey, he couldn't do any worse than us.
Go ahead, give it a shot.
The lunch box.
That's pretty good.
"lunch box" it is.
Way to go, Deej.
Yeah, lunch box.
Hi, guys.
Guess what? We found a place.
Great.
'cause we got a name, and we cracked the recipe.
Yeah, here, taste it, Nance.
No, no.
Wait.
Me first.
This is Kerry Thompson, the realtor who's been showing me around.
[Dan.]
Hi, Kerry.
Hi.
Tell them about the place.
Oh, okay.
You know the pizza palace on route 42? Yeah, that's the place with the mural Of the last supper, but everyone's eating pizza.
Really, the place is okay.
Tell them it's okay.
It's okay.
But we have a problem.
Tell them we have a problem.
We have a problem.
I don't think you guys have enough money.
What are you talking about? We have $30,000.
Well, have your accountant crunch the numbers, But I haven't heard of anyone opening up even the smallest place For under 40, Not even if we skimp on the health codes and stuff? I'm just being honest.
Well, we're screwed.
There's no way any bank's gonna loan us a dime.
But you didn't let me finish.
There's a thing we can do.
Tell them about the thing-- would you stop that? I was telling Nancy that we might want to try the small business administration.
It's this government office where people like you Can go and get start-up loans to get your business going.
They're never gonna give us any money.
Sure, they will.
We have a legitimate idea.
We'll just go in there and tell them the truth.
Sounds great.
We'll go down tomorrow.
Tomorrow? I can't come up with the truth by tomorrow.
"donald bobeck"" donald-- that's a friendly name.
Lot of friendly donalds.
Donald duck, donald sutherland, Uh, donald, uh, um "that girl's" boyfriend.
He was so friendly.
What was his last name? Could you shut up? What are you so nervous about? "Hollinger.
" What? "that girl's" boyfriend's last name was Hollinger.
Oh, great.
Well, could you just keep that under your hat until they ask? Look at this pamphlet here.
It's got this whole section on minorities.
It says that they give special consideration to businesses run by women.
That's it.
That's our angle.
We're women.
I say we go with it.
Thank god we all brought our ovaries with us.
Hi, there.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
Oh, that's okay.
We're all real patient, Being women and all.
Uh, Mrs.
Conner and, uh Ms.
Harris.
Just Nancy.
[clicks tongue.]
Now, why don't you tell me about this business you want to start? Well, okay.
Uh Well, it's a restaurant, see? But more.
A lot more.
We're gonna serve loose-meat sandwiches.
"loose meat"? Yeah, well, it's kind of like, uh, Early on, when mcdonalds just started, you know? Because the whole thing's based on this hamburger thing, Only ours looks really weird, but then you can buy chips and pie and stuff.
And pop.
In cans.
Interesting.
Have any of you had previous experience in running a restaurant? Oh, yeah, yeah.
I have.
I was, uh, Well, the best waitress at rodbell's.
I should have been put up into management, but they kind of held me back Because I'm a woman.
And you, ms.
Harris? I have Hauled meat.
I have Eaten meat.
Nancy? I'm gonna have to take a pass on this one, don.
Which, of course, we all know Is a woman's prerogative.
Well, we do have special provisions For minorities and the handicapped.
I assume none of you are handicapped.
I have 3 kids.
I'm in therapy.
Mm-hmm.
And what bank will you be going through? Oh, we're not going through a bank.
Don, that's why we're here! No, no, no.
I don't think you understand.
You see, what we do here at the S.
B.
A.
Is guarantee the loan.
You still have to get the money from the bank.
Well, so what do you call it the small business administration for? What don't you call it the "get your own damn money administration"? Mrs.
Conner, don't get excited.
Well, now, we came to you to get some money.
So do you guys have any money or not? Well, we almost never give direct loans.
The government changed the rules.
Now we make a deal with the bank so if your business folds, The bank will get most of its money back.
Well, that sucks.
So you're in business with banks.
What about us, you know? Banks have tons of money, and we don't got any.
Don't blow it, Roseanne.
This guy can help us get a loan If he wants to recommend us.
Will you recommend us? Not likely.
Based on our criteria, We consider you A bad risk.
I'll tell you what a bad risk is.
That's you sitting across this desk from me, calling me a bad risk.
[Jackie.]
forget it, Roseanne.
You know, the S.
B.
A.
Is supposed to be set up to help people like us.
Y'all don't know nothing about people like us.
The trouble with people who work for the government Is y'all have jobs.
[rings.]
Yes? I think you should know I was in my room getting ready for bed, And I saw your brother watching me.
Again? "again"? Yeah, I caught him doing it about a week ago.
And you didn't do anything? Yeah, I told him he wouldn't get much money for the pictures.
I told him to stop.
Thanks a lot for all your help.
Look, what was I supposed to do? You could've told me.
Oh, I forgot.
You're not from these parts.
Well, here in the big city, when you change in front of an open window, You're not just amusing the sheep.
Darlene, what do you have against me? Nothing.
I just feel that we're at that point in our friendship Where you should realize that we don't have one.
I mean it.
What did I ever do to you? Is this because David flirts with me? I think you have that backwards.
You're the one always pulling the touchy-feely routine every time he's around.
I was just trying to be nice.
Well, he's not used to being treated that way, okay? All right, look.
Maybe I came on a little strong the other day, but I was mad at you.
Just trust me.
I'm not interested in David, okay? Yeah, right.
And I'm sure David doesn't like me.
I know that.
I didn't say he liked you.
I said, cut the boy-toy crap.
Okay.
I know he doesn't like you.
Fine! Fine! So anyway, are you gonna do something about your brother? Yeah, I'll take care of it.
Well, I hope so, 'cause he could grow up to be a really disturbed individual.
[chuckles.]
you don't understand, here, Molly.
This is the most normal thing he's ever done.
Hey, at least you tried.
[scoffs.]
I guess now I'm back to trucking.
Yeah, and I guess I'm back to looking for Some low-paying crap job.
Don't worry, honey.
You'll find one.
Damn it, Dan, I really wanted this, you know? I wanted it really, really bad! I know, rosie.
It's not fair! I know, Jackie.
How come our lives always have to be the ones that suck, huh? I don't know, rosie? How come we never get one little thing that we want? I don't know, Jackie.
This is all your fault, Jackie.
My fault? Yeah! You're the one that dragged that damn ray of hope into this house.
I just can't believe it's gonna end like this.
There's got to be somebody to loan us the money.
How about Crystal and Ed? Nah, they got 3 kids and a mortgage.
Chuck and anne-marie.
He's still looking for work.
Gil and Patty.
No, they're barely getting by like everybody else we know.
We got to get a better class of friends.
There's got to be somebody who can give us $10,000 like mom did.
It's an awful lot of money.
What happened to the 10,000 I gave you last week? Aw, cripes, mom, We blew that on candy and records.
Roseanne, I told you it was a big mistake.
Now, hold on! I didn't say no.
Just give me a few minutes.
Well, now, you've got to use your imagination, ma.
You know, you've got to picture it full of people.
Yeah, it's gonna look way different full of people, mom.
It's not gonna look so empty.
Yes, Jackie, I suppose it is the kind of place Your trucker friends would frequent.
Would you like to see the oven, mom? I think I smell mice.
What are we doing? This is our dream.
We can't have a dream with mom in it.
Well, don't think about it as asking for her help.
Think about it as draining her nest egg.
[bev.]
this water is yellow! Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god! Help me drain the water here! Listen, trust me, This is the perfect place to hit her up for money.
And if she says no, it's the perfect place to dump the body.
Well, I've decided.
I'm not going to lend you the money.
Big, fat waste of time.
However, what I will do is Put up the $10,000 and become your fourth partner.
But I want you to know, I'm not doing this for you.
I'm doing it for me.
I never had a chance to do anything like this before.
So, do we have a deal? Deal.
This is where the thunder claps and the sky turns black.
I'll write you a check tomorrow.
You know what would look great on these walls? Some paintings I've been doing.
Painting-- I've been painting.
Listen.
Now, now, listen.
Listen.
Just think of it like this, okay? From now on, you'll be able to write off Your therapy as a business expense.
Your little brother's doing it again.
I told you I'd take care of it, and I did.
D.
J.
! What are you calling him down here for? He'll never admit it.
Oh, he won't have to.
I put shoe polish on the eye of his telescope So he'll be branded for the deviant that he is.
What do you want? Brilliant plan.
Should have worked.
Hey.
What? Hi, guys! Guess what? We found a place.
Great.
'cause we got a name, and we cracked the recipe.
Yeah, yeah.
Here, taste it, Nance.
No, wait.
Me first.
This is Kerry Thompson, the realtor who's been showing me around.
Hi.
Well, hello, Kerry.
Do you have a card, kerry? [theme.]