Royal Pains s01e01 Episode Script
Pilot
What's up? Time! No pulse.
All right.
Call 911.
I need those two gym bags right now.
I want some ice from those coolers, okay? And move it.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Ice.
Ice.
Bring it in.
Okay, I need to ice his crotch, his armpits and his scalp.
Thank you.
Pits.
He can't breathe.
All right, come here.
I want you to keep pumping just like this.
Okay? Thank you.
Reaching in.
Lifting.
All right, he's breathing.
He's breathing.
Ambulance will be here in 10 minutes.
Okay, we don't have that long.
All right.
Who's got an SUV? Straight back.
Straight back.
Smooth and steady, fellows.
Smooth and steady.
Here we go.
All the way back.
Go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
What are you doing here, man? Aren't you off today, Dr.
Lawson? I was.
Status post cardiac arrest.
Got his pulse back and opened his airway.
Did you really use gym bags for immobilization? Yeah.
Can't wait to tell him some sweaty boxers saved his neck.
Here you go, Doctor.
Thank you.
Thready pulse.
Here, I got it.
O2 sat 80.
BP 100 over 60.
Draw up 5 of Versed and 150 of sucs.
Dr.
Lawson? Paramedics bringing in a 68-year-old with a STEMI.
When? Now.
Thank God you're on.
We have Mr.
Gardner over here.
The Mr.
Gardner? Yes.
All right.
I'll be right there.
Oh, Mr.
Gardner is a friend.
We don't keep friends waiting, Dr.
Lawson.
Okay.
Let's have a look, then.
Tube him.
You got it, Hank.
All right, guys.
Let's get him to the cath lab.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Prep nitro drip and titrate to pain.
I'll get started on the cath.
Type and screen him for two units packed cells.
Going for the femoral artery.
Threading the femoral artery.
No obstruction.
Eight French catheter, over the wire.
Weak dilator.
And into the femoral artery.
And there's the blockage.
You can finish up.
I'm going to go out.
You got it.
He's stable.
He just needs an angio.
Dr.
Wolf, how's the kid? The EKG shows a third-degree AV block.
He was unresponsive to meds.
I placed an external pacer, but I'm not getting capture.
What's his BP? Hovering around All right.
He needs a wire, stat.
Whoa.
The priority is Mr.
Gardner.
You'll see him all the way through.
Gardner is stable.
His BP is up.
His sat is 98% on two liters.
The S-T segments are normalizing and his pain is gone.
So, how about today we save two for the price of one? Let's go.
Dr.
Lawson.
Dr.
Lawson! Wow.
Thanks.
After a long day of life and death, there is nothing more reassuring than the sight of the world's most beautiful girl.
If I had a nickel.
Come here.
Settle down, Dr.
Desperate.
I know that look in your eyes.
It usually leads to skipping a meal.
Hmm.
We skip apps and dessert.
We order apps with the entrees.
Cold apps only, no BlackBerries.
Done and done.
All right.
Decide now, so I can get the check.
You don't own this body yet.
But I nailed the down payment, right? Yeah, you did.
Let's go give that long day of yours a happy ending.
I have a confession to make.
I will hear your confession.
I always wanted to marry a doctor.
Everything seems to be falling into place for me.
For us.
Maybe life is supposed to go according to plan.
Yeah.
Man plans, God laughs.
Don't you think that every day for us is better than the one before it? The ones that end like this.
I'm not Mmm, Hank.
No.
Dr.
Lawson.
All right.
Yeah.
Hello? I recognized Mr.
Gardner's level of blockage, I knew it had to be relieved, and I was confident he would be successfully angioplastied and survive.
Barring any bad luck.
Well, bad luck rained and poured, didn't it? While you had our senior CT surgeon in another room.
To help me try to rescue a crashing patient.
I made a judgment call.
You made a mistake.
A fatal one.
And it's a shame, Dr.
Lawson, because we all know you're the most talented physician this emergency department has seen, and your star was only on the rise.
Was? If I were you, I'd find a good lawyer and a great place to hide for the next 25 years.
Maybe by then, you'll be completely forgotten and you can come back and try again.
Hey, Dad? You wanna have a catch? I'd like that.
Hey.
I'm always here for you.
I just ask for my guy space.
That's all I ask for.
Hank? Guy space? You know what today is? It's Monday.
It's Thursday.
Okay.
So? You gave yourself You gave me 30 days.
You agreed to it.
What do you want me to do? You know what I want you to do.
Nikki, I can't make a new job appear out of thin air.
Yeah.
No one can.
That's why we That's why we search, apply, interview.
It's a proven technique.
Yeah.
I've tried it.
The Gardner family managed to pull a few strings and have me blackballed at every Level I trauma center in New York.
Oh.
What about a Level II or a Level III? Thanks to all these lawsuits and countersuits, no institution will touch me.
I can't get work as a school nurse.
Just remember one thing.
You put us here.
Not me.
You're the one who let a billionaire hospital trustee die on your day off.
I mean, Jesus Christ, Hank.
This is not what I signed on for.
I wanted to spend on florists and caterers and photographers, not attorneys.
I think we need to postpone.
I'll see your postponement and raise you.
I saved the kid.
You've hashed and rehashed every excruciating detail of this nightmare over and over again, but the one thing you never mention is that I saved the goddamn kid.
If anyone asks, that's why we called it off.
Since the day I met you, Hank, you have never been able to accept the things you can't change.
Right.
That's why we called it off.
I'll send Rebecca to get my stuff.
Don't even think I'm splitting the cancellation costs with you.
Yeah, just add the bills to my stack.
And the best part? No more dirty clean-up.
It takes care of itself.
Partay.
Nikki left.
Yeah.
Yeah, I heard that.
It's, uh It's hard to believe she would run away from all this.
Okay.
What do you want, Evan? I want to get you out of here.
Yeah, well, I can't right now.
Yeah.
Clearly, you're swamped.
You really need to get out of this apartment and get some fresh air, bro.
In Brooklyn? Honestly, it smells so bad.
It smells like a moose had sex with a bucket of Chinese food in here.
Like, musty.
And you kind of look like Jesus and Patrick Dempsey had a child and that child grew older and then got really sick.
That's weird.
I'm not going anywhere.
Okay.
Look.
Look.
This trip is going to get you back on your feet.
I promise.
Trip? What trip? Are you kidding? To the Hamptons.
I've been telling you about this all month.
Yeah, and all month, I've been saying, "No way.
" I thought you meant "no way" like, "No way!" I haven't meant it that way since I was 10.
How much fun did we have then? I'm not going.
Okay.
Hank? Listen to me.
Look.
It's Memorial Day weekend.
Okay? It's the first weekend of the summer.
The biggest parties in the universe are happening out there for the next four days.
I'm not going.
I happen to have an in to the rager tonight in Sagaponack.
Thing's supposed to be epic.
The guy's flying in ice from Antarctica just for the cocktails.
Obviously.
I mean, where else are you going to fly in ice from? The sushi rolls are going to be filled with southern bluefin tuna and, like, diamond chunks.
People are going to be eating, and people are like, "Oh, God! Oh, it's worth it! "Oh, yeah, let's have a diamond fight! "A diamond fight!" Like, supermodels are going to be mud-wrestling over us, Hank.
It's going to be insane.
Okay, you know what? That really actually does sound good.
And no.
Not going.
You know what? You're coming.
I already have us booked in the very last hotel suite in the Hamptons.
And it's fit for a king.
Evan, I am broke, unemployed, depressed, disillusioned and alone.
Are you texting while I'm talking? Hmm? I can do both.
Why would I want to spend tonight partying with a bunch of people whose biggest problems revolve around whether or not to send their Yorkshire terriers to therapy? Hell, give me one decent reason.
I'm going to give you two.
You're all out of booze.
Oh.
Two, Netflix froze your account.
As your brother, but also as your accountant, I'm advising you to donate this thing to science and just take the write-off.
Okay.
How bad's traffic going to be? You mean how good.
All right, this is offensive.
This is the best thing I've ever seen in my life.
Just relax into it.
Let it take you in.
Find a center.
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
No, no, no! Look.
No, no, no.
Look, look.
I need you to book me VIP tables at La Playa and Dune, as well as Pink Elephant.
Okay? It's called club hopping, not club stopping.
All right? And make sure that the real estate is current A-list this time.
Make it happen.
God! Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I just You know, having a lot of money sometimes I mean, it's good sometimes, but sometimes It drives you so crazy.
You out here all weekend? Uh, every last drop of it, uh-huh.
North or south? What's that? North or south of the highway? Oh, right.
Yeah, of course.
Uh, south.
Do you own or rent? Renting right now.
Oh.
So Which Hampton? West Hampton.
You mean Worst Hampton.
Worst Hampton? I'll see you later.
Well, that went well.
So, take a right.
All right.
Whoa, that is a cool house.
You know what's so much fun when you're driving in the Hamptons and you've been in your house for three weeks? What's that? Check this out.
Okay.
That's not funny.
Just trust me.
That's not funny.
Just trust me.
Fit for a king, huh? Uh, I didn't say which country.
How are you? Dude, they can't even vote.
What? What? That's just wrong.
Partay.
Tonight is the party.
It's going to be historic.
And that's why I don't even plan on sleeping here tonight.
I want to get taken in like a stray puppy on a rainy night.
Maybe Brangelina will adopt you.
What's my favorite sport, Hank? Extreme social climbing? Yeah.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Enjoy your shift.
Whose, uh Whose place is this exactly? Boris.
Boris who? He's, uh, some German duke and like, a trillionaire.
Everyone just calls him Boris.
So follow my lead.
What do you mean? Just act like we're invited.
Well, you said we are invited.
Uh, I said I have an in.
Well, how good of an in? I can't really speak to that definitively right now.
By the way, my name is Wilhelm.
Good evening, gentlemen.
Welcome to Shadow Pond.
Oh, yes.
Hello, Shadow Pond.
Wilhelm Friedrich Von Schmidtsberg.
Schmidtsberg? Schmidtsberg.
Of Niedertaufkirchen, of course.
Und my security, Johann.
Johann, say hello.
He's new.
He's new.
I'm sorry.
The name again, please? Wilhelm Friedrich Von Schmidtstein.
Sorry.
I thought it was Schmidtsberg.
Yes.
Well, it was.
Until the Prussian Hohenzollerns took control of Berlin in 1881.
You were there? Uh, you have some identification, please? But of course.
Identification, yes.
Thank you.
I'm sorry, sir.
Enjoy your evening.
Boris has 312 cousins back in Deutschland.
He knows maybe four of them, but he puts them all on a permanent guest list, just in case one of them pops in during a visit.
Wait.
So, how did you become Wilhelm? I made a few calls to the consulate.
I studied the dynasty's genealogy on the Web.
And then I chose the only name I had even a shot at remembering.
Right.
And the fake German ID? Puerto Rican guy I know in Queens.
Okay.
Do me a favor? Yeah.
Never speak to me again.
Uh, hold that thought.
Still mad at me? Bro, this is where God would party.
If he could get in.
You want to hear something interesting? Sure.
For the first time in a long time, uh, you're smiling.
I love that shirt.
I love that shirt.
I love that shirt.
I love this shirt.
Is it from Lagerfeld's new summer collection? Believe it or not, Costco.
Costco.
Costco.
Seriously.
Yeah.
What kind of plane do you have? And please, tell me it's yours.
I am so over fractional ownership.
Right.
I have no money, no job, and my Saab is older than you.
Wait.
Oh.
So, how did you get in here? My friend is Bavarian royalty.
Honey.
This is the Hamptons.
Everybody is royalty.
Thanks for the tip.
April? Quick, quick, something's wrong with April.
You all right, April? You're gonna be all right.
It's all right.
Clear.
Clear.
Dr.
Silver here.
When are you damn kids going to learn how to hold your drugs? Boris' concierge doctor.
Start with some Oxy, then a little crystal, rip a few lines, and chase it all down with champagne.
"Heaven salad" you kids call it, right? What? April doesn't do drugs.
Why? Because she says she doesn't? News flash, pretty boy.
Most drug addicts are also liars.
Sorry, April.
We've got to get this straight into your system.
Doctor.
You may have misdiagnosed.
Oh, really? Who are you? Just a concerned observer.
Oh.
Well, I observe nausea, photosensitivity, disorientation, and a few other tell-tale symptoms of an opioid overdose.
What are you observing? The same symptoms that you are plus a couple you're not, like her miotic pupils and SLUDGE toxidrome.
It's a chemical nerve agent.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Stethoscope, please.
Have you been with her all night? Yeah, pretty much.
Okay.
Tell me everywhere you've been.
Uh, we were in the walk-in fireplace Mmm-hmm.
downstairs in the recording studio Right.
out in the botanical garden.
The garden.
What did you do there? Uh, nothing.
She was smelling flowers.
Insecticide.
See, the problem with assuming the worst about people, Dr.
Silver, is that it lets you stop searching for culprits.
Okay.
You got any atropine in the fancy case? Light, please.
Thank you.
All right.
Now we need to get her to a hospital.
You.
Call 911.
No.
Thank you.
No.
You can punch out for the night, Doctor.
Thank you.
No paramedics.
You mean no cops.
Aren't you a doctor? Yes.
But only a doctor.
She needs a hospital.
Hamptons Heritage Hospital? The place is a taco stand.
For anything more advanced than a Band-Aid, we'd have to get her to Stony Brook or Manhattan.
What does she need? The second half of the antidote.
There must be some way to help her and help me.
I would be doubly grateful.
All right.
Look out.
Look out.
I got this from here, guy.
Who are you? I'm a lifeguard.
Are you board certified in clinical toxicology? Huh? Help me get her up, Baywatch.
Get her a pillow, please? Your bodyguards outside.
What about them? High-priced, former Mossad.
Okay.
Do they have Mark I kits? Enough to save everyone in this house.
Baywatch, go tell them I need the auto-injector from a Mark I kit.
Go fast.
Go now.
Where do you practice, Doctor? Nowhere.
My last hospital fired me for letting a rich patient die.
Bureaucracies.
I find the skilled amongst us are better off left to their own devices.
Yes? Here.
All right.
Here we go, sweetie.
Hello, April.
She's going to be fine, right? She should still be taken to a hospital, whether it serves Mexican food or not.
You can't just shoot her up and put her to bed.
My head hurts.
And my throat.
A result of your Linda Blair impersonation.
Thanks.
Here, you should drink some water.
Mmm.
Now, look.
You've been asleep up here for an hour, but you still need to take it easy.
Mmm.
You're the one that saved me? Well, the lifeguard helped out, too.
Who are you? I'm Hank.
Hi, Hank.
You always keep a detox kit around for the occasional OD? For the protection of my guests.
Ah.
For the protection of your privacy.
So, I gather you're Boris.
Boris Kuester von Jurgens-Ratenicz.
Hmm.
You'd be informal about it, too.
No? Yeah.
I'm Hank.
Hank.
Have a seat, Hank.
Uh, you know what? It's a pleasure meeting you, but I wanted to thank you.
Yeah.
No sweat.
And compensate you for the trouble.
Oh, yeah.
Look.
I can't accept that.
A pro bono concierge doctor? Concierge doctor? Private physician for hire? All the rage amongst us elite folk.
No, I was just in the wrong place at the right time, and I was ethically obligated to intervene.
But you should have called the girl an ambulance.
Life isn't always simple.
Well, death is.
Sit down, Hank.
Please.
You're quite right.
My privacy is sacred to me, and I can't afford any unwanted attention this summer.
The last thing I need is a Page Six sensation on the first weekend.
But something told me truly she was in better hands with you.
Where are you staying? Some theme park in Worst Hampton.
Stay in my guest cottage for the summer.
It will be vacant shortly.
Yeah, no.
I'm only out here for the weekend.
Well, if you extend your stay Bye, Hank.
And then I could tie it up in a package for you.
Hey! Oh, my God! Where have you been? Working.
Dude, wait.
Hey.
Hey.
I'm out of here, Wilhelm.
What do you mean? Whoa! Dude.
You can't leave right now.
I'm on the verge of having a Roman orgy with the entire cast of Gossip Girl.
Good.
They can drive you back to the motel after prom.
Thank you, sir.
Oh, hey.
The heroic doctor.
Nice work in there.
Thanks.
Uh, I'm sorry.
Did you need a ride? Oh, no, no.
Thanks.
I have one.
My car.
Ah.
And a nice basic car it is.
Well.
Out here, basic is special.
Yeah.
I think so, too.
So, I see you're the other person who bought it in this color.
Yeah, you know.
They offered to throw in free hubcaps, and I just caved.
Okay.
Well, I'll see you around.
Okay.
Hey, don't go running any red lights.
May get pinned on me.
I need one last look at my cousin's castle.
What the hell is that? What's what? There's a briefcase in the backseat.
This isn't yours? Uh-uh.
"The Doctor.
" Well, that's you.
"My gratitude is non-negotiable.
With regards, Boris.
" Well, this could have some serious tax implications for you.
This is a real bar of gold, Hank.
Dude, what were you up to in there? Yeah, that's good, that's good, that's good.
Better in bed, yes.
Oh, oh, oh, danke, baby.
Yeah.
Oh, well, if you're wearing a T-shirt, it will never work.
Yeah? Evan.
Just take your shirt off.
Danke.
Take your shirt off.
Evan, shut up.
Take your Take your shirt Just take your shirt off.
Take your shirt off.
Evan! Oh.
What are Shh.
Okay, relax.
Just relax.
Would you get out of But it's already warm here.
Go.
Go to your bed.
It's already Go to bed.
All right.
God.
What Hello? Hello.
Hank? Uh, yeah? I have an emergency.
Could you come over immediately, please? Wait, I'm sorry.
Who is this? You don't know me.
My name's Mr.
Bryant.
I'll text you the address.
Please hurry.
It's a matter of life and death.
Uh, so, thank you so much again, Pete.
You are my man.
Have a good day.
Hi.
I'm Hank.
I guess your dad called? Mr.
Bryant? Yeah.
Well, Dad's not here right now.
I'm Tucker Bryant, and I called you.
Well, you don't sound like the guy.
Right.
Oh, right.
How about now? Oh.
I'm sorry.
I had no choice.
How did you get my number? Well, when my dad took off this morning, he left this list of emergency contacts.
And it says, "Medical emergency, Dr.
Silver.
Concierge Doctor.
" But then that's crossed out, and it just says "Hank" and your number.
Uh-huh.
Okay, so Your dad's out of town and you totaled his Ferrari.
Uh, yeah, but let's avoid the Billy Joel jokes.
He lives within earshot.
Uh, this isn't my blood.
It's my girlfriend's.
Can you come inside? Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
And who is Dad? Marshall David Bryant IV.
Never heard of him.
Yeah.
Uh, well, that's 'cause this is my great-grandfather's money he spends collecting all those toys.
Who's your great-grandfather? Marshall David Bryant II.
Never heard of him, either.
Ever use a blender? Yeah.
You're welcome.
Uh, Doctor.
Are we gonna do this? Yeah.
Babe, the guy's here.
Perfect.
Because I already found out what's wrong with me.
I've got an epidural hematoma, a thoracic spine fracture, a sternoclavicular dislocation, and obviously, some likely internal bleeding, but that's just so far.
Okay.
Libby, chill.
Chill? Yeah.
How the hell am I supposed to chill, Tucker? Can't you see that I'm officially dying here? Yeah, okay, okay.
What? What? God.
Okay.
Okay! All right.
Dude! You're killing me! How is it you can remember the name of every bone in the body but you can't remember to take your key? I'm still asleep, right? Um, I'm looking for Hank? Not if it's my dream, you're not.
Who are you? Um, I'm Evan R.
Lawson, CPA.
AKA, I'm Hank's brother.
You're related to Hank? Really? Yeah.
Thanks.
So, where is he? He is, uh I don't know where he is.
Could I take a message for him? For the first time in my life, I may actually be in love with a guy, and you want me to just relay that info to him through his half-nude, number-crunching little brother.
It's just a bit awkward, don't you think? I think, yeah, that would be 100% socially unacceptable.
Um You know Hank saved my life? I heard if it wasn't for him, that concierge hack would have killed me.
Uh-huh.
I just need to give him his jacket and say thank you.
Uh-huh.
Well, you know that, as his brother and accountant, I am actually legally empowered to accept your thanks on his behalf.
You don't look very empowered.
Can I give you the grand tour? No.
I'll just wait here.
Okay.
That's, uh You can stay as long as you want.
Let's be clear.
I'm here for Hank.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Got it.
Good.
So, I'm going to go and take a few cold showers then.
See you.
Okay.
Sorry.
Just got to send that to everyone I've ever met.
See you in a sec.
So that tree came out of nowhere.
Actually, it came out of the ground.
Yeah, but did it have the right of way? This is so not funny.
You wanted to go for the ride.
I wanted Pinkberry, Tucker.
You said you could drive that thing, and I don't know.
Thank you.
I guess it was too much car for you, baby.
Do not emasculate me, Libby.
She's fine, right, Doc? Uh, yeah.
Let's have a look.
Okay.
Does that hurt? Yes.
And that? Yeah.
Okay.
And that? Take a guess, McWeenie.
McWeenie? I have fibromyalgia, right? What? It's a disorder marked by the presence of chronic widespread pain and tactile allodynia.
Yeah, no.
I know what it is.
Patients also typically present with debilitating fatigue, abnormal sleep architecture, cognitive dysfunction, anxiety, depression.
Do you see what I'm dealing with here? Yeah.
You don't have fibromyalgia.
Oh, my God.
You're going to tell me that nothing is wrong with me.
I hate when doctors do that.
Every single day.
Oh, no.
There's something wrong with you, all right.
Thank you.
I think he's being facetious, babe.
Do not patronize me, Tucker.
Are you guys really only 16? I told her she doesn't have anything.
Actually, she does.
What? It's an increasingly common condition called cyberchondriasis.
I so knew it.
I knew it! The whole time, I totally knew it.
Oh, my God.
Is it degenerative? All right.
So, April April? Right.
Let's talk turkey.
Fine.
Call Hank.
Uh, I don't have his number.
Bull.
That's correct, and since we have time together right now, tell me about your colleagues.
I prefer the European, you know, runway bulimics, myself, but I also feel very strongly that the girl-next-door, like, glamour-model types, they need love, too.
Hank? Already? Who are you? I'm Divya.
Divya Katdare.
And? And I'm looking for Dr.
Hank? Note to self, become a doctor.
Sorry.
I didn't mean to upset you.
Cyberchondriasis? Cyberchondriasis? How could that not upset me? That sounds awful.
I mean, what is it? Just tell me.
Is it neurological? Lmmunosuppressive? Say it's not dermatological.
You can take anything, but just not my complexion.
Right.
Cyberchondriasis is an obsession with researching health online.
Symptoms include excessive time spent on WebMD, NIH, and NOAH Health.
That's it? That's it.
You're just a cyberchondriac.
A rabid cyberchondriac, I'm afraid.
But, uh, it's nothing that will kill you.
Sorry.
Okay.
Uh, let's let the good doctor be on his way now, Libby.
Wait.
I have more complaints.
My uvula dangles really longer than most people's.
She's a handful, but all the best ones are, right? So, thanks for coming over so quick.
Listen, we should hang out sometime.
We could fly model planes.
Where do you do that? In the backyard, where Dad lands his chopper.
Yeah.
I'm only here for the weekend, pal.
Oh.
Too bad.
Uh, Dad would have liked you.
Yeah.
And I'd like to know how he got my number.
I mean, I just got out here.
Word travels pretty fast in the Hamptons.
You know what? Let me have a look at that leg.
Oh, no.
I'm solid, man.
I'm just a bit banged up.
But what would be mighty fine of you is if we could keep this whole little episode on the DL? You don't think Dad will notice the Ferrari Challenge out front that looks like it's been through your great-grandfather's invention? Uh, no.
He's at his Saint-Tropez beach house for the next 10 days.
I have plenty of time.
That's a half-million-dollar piece of hand-assembled machinery.
Ten days is plenty of time to repair it? No, not repair it.
Replace it.
Aren't there, like, Uh, yeah, but I only need to buy one.
Look.
What Dad doesn't know won't hurt him, and you can't really put a price on not hurting your old man, right? I mean, this is what trust funds are for.
Mmm.
Sorry.
I don't sell my silence.
Are you going to snitch on me? Not if no one asks, but I'm not going to lie for a kid who risks lives, all in search of a few ounces of frozen yogurt.
Overhyped frozen yogurt, I might add.
It's not overhyped, dude.
It's a tart, refreshing, fat-free snack that offers 10% RDA of calcium per serving.
Yeah, dude.
Don't punk the Crackberry.
She'll light your ass up like a Christmas tree.
Hey, look.
I need to give you a once-over.
No, you don't.
Tucker? Hey.
I've got you.
I've got you.
Tucker? Tucker? Tucker? Tucker? Tucker? Oh, my God.
Tucker.
Oh, no.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Why didn't you tell me you're a hemophiliac? Dude, my chest is killing me.
Where's your factor Vlll supply? Bottom drawer next to my aquarium.
Okay.
Libby, go.
Okay.
Just try to keep calm, Tucker.
Stay with me, pal.
I can't breathe.
Stay with me.
Tucker, stay with me.
Tucker, stay Tucker? All right.
The jugular's up.
Muffled heart sounds.
Minimal pulses.
Damn, it's a Beck's.
What's happening to him? Beck's? What do you mean, Beck's? He probably contused his heart and bled into the pericardial sac.
What are you talking about? His heart is being squeezed and not circulating blood to his brain.
He needs the fluid drained, but because of his hemophilia, I could kill him trying to save him.
Please, Hank, you have to save him.
It's Tucker.
Okay.
I need a bottle of vodka, a very sharp, pointed knife, a BIC pen, a sandwich baggie and some duct tape.
Sandwich baggie, duct tape.
Who are you, MacGyver? All right.
Go.
Incising subcostally.
Opening into the subxiphoid area.
Blunt dissecting towards the pericardium.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
I'm there.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Now, pray he's started clotting.
Opening the pericardium.
He's bleeding.
Hank, he's bleeding.
Oh, my God.
We're killing him.
We're killing him.
Tucker Wait.
Wait.
Okay, he's clotting.
He's clotting.
Give me the pen.
Okay.
Tape.
He's doing great.
He's clotting.
Yeah.
Okay.
Good.
Good.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Tucker.
Just take it easy, pal.
Just take it easy.
Tucker.
Hi.
You're What did you do to me? He saved you.
He saved you.
That's what he did.
And Libby helped out big-time.
Libby, now call 911.
The Hamptons Heritage? No way, man.
Dad calls it the local cemetery.
Okay, well, we have to get you somewhere quick.
What would Dad suggest we do? Go into my wallet and get the little black card that says American Express on it.
Okay.
He's really okay? He isn't in pain? Hemophiliacs live in pain, Libby.
He'll be okay.
Good times.
This way, miss.
I should meet you at Mount Sinai.
No.
You really don't have to.
You're an unaccompanied minor.
Yeah.
Almost always.
I'm used to it.
All right.
Hey.
Yo! How has your morning been? I've never worked harder during a vacation in my life.
That's amazing.
I had the exact same morning.
Where you going there, bro? Back to the city for some R and R.
What if I told you I had two beautiful women in the bathroom right now, and they came here just to see you? Yeah, Ev.
Sure.
If that's true, I will stay the rest of the weekend.
Ladies, Hank's home! Oh.
So, you remember April.
She's here to thank you for saving her life.
And this is Divya.
She's here to apply for a job.
Uh Okay.
Let's go one at a time.
So, what you're suggesting is I'm not suggesting.
I'm insisting.
We need to see more of each other.
I don't think that's such a good idea.
Why not? Your judgment is still clouded.
It has never been clearer, Hank.
Listen.
These feelings you think you have Who here knows more about my feelings? I do.
Oh, really? How is that? Because this isn't an emotional issue.
It's a medical one.
It's called Nightingale syndrome.
What's that? It's where a patient in critical care develops an emotional dependency on his or her caretaker.
I don't have Nightingale syndrome.
Prove it.
How? Don't see me for a month.
If you still have your feelings then, we'll talk.
Are you here all summer? No.
Just for the weekend.
Well, you're not making this very easy on me.
Sorry.
Next! The doctor will see you now.
Divya? Divya, Divya, hold on.
What's wrong? Well, I think we skipped a part.
Oh? Which part? The part where you tell me what the hell is going on here.
I'd like to be your PA.
My PA? Physician assistant.
Why would I need one? All concierge doctors have a PA.
I am not a concierge doctor.
Uh, what's a concierge doctor? It's the doctor of the future.
It's the newest accessory of the rich.
It's how we all did it once.
You know, the folksy neighbor, walking up to your door with a little black bag.
Right.
But now, it's a former department chair from Mayo or Mass General or UCLA, rolling up in an SUV with portable X-ray, ultrasound and EKG gear.
It's doctors on demand.
What's so wrong with that? Nothing.
Nothing.
It's just It's not what I do.
Well, what about April? I was a bystander.
What about Tucker Bryant? How could you possibly know I got a call while you were talking to April.
It's the Hamptons.
Yeah.
Word travels fast.
I know.
Look, two freak occurrences.
I have not set up shop in the Hamptons.
I know.
And I guess what I'm saying is, why not? Wait a minute.
So, you've been here for 24 hours, and you already have a bar of gold in your nightstand It's chocolate.
The maid puts it on your pillow.
No, no, no.
It's gold.
And you're chasing away supermodels.
Like, imagine what we could do if we actually tried.
We? Who's we? Hank, you're up to your eyes in debt with no income to service that debt, and your bills back in Brooklyn, they're stacking up like buckwheat pancakes.
You got a better career plan? I took the liberty of doing some back-of-the-envelope calculations.
A rough estimate of the emergency-medicine market out here during the season, and a practice model of services and fees.
With virtually no capital outlay, conservative pricing, and relying strictly on word-of-mouth and referrals You could bank some nice coin here.
Dude, I really like this girl.
Aren't you going to get it? Would you That's my Doctor's office.
How can I help you? I'm looking for Excuse me.
You're not my Of course.
Of course.
One moment, please.
For you.
I have no It's an emergency.
Hello? Dr.
Hank? Thank God! No, no, no.
Look.
You don't understand.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, Ms.
Newberg? I don't even know what happened to you, but I Right away.
No I No No, I am not taking No, do not text me the Hello? Well, my car has GPS and a few other things that may come in handy.
Shotgun.
You really came prepared.
Core wound care.
Home diagnostics.
Infusion IV.
Why does a PA drive around with them in her trunk? Well, they were on sale.
Divya.
Look.
I want to show you all I can bring to the table.
I mean, besides my work ethic, my knowledge of the Hamptons, my relationships with the locals Your superbly well-toned figure.
Don't objectify me, sidekick.
Uh, this is it.
This is what? The address that woman gave Hank.
No, no, no.
There has to be a mistake.
No.
No.
This is it.
This is where Mrs.
Newberg is stranded in desperate need of medical assistance.
I guess we can leave the toys in the car.
Evan, that includes you.
A little faster, Doctor.
I'm coming.
You think one of these people is Ms.
Newberg? I've been waiting here for more than 45 minutes! Never mind.
Mmm-hmm.
No, I will not fill out any more forms! General admissions is this way.
And there she is, in the fur coat.
This is ridiculous! I demand to see the administrator! Will you please stop screaming, Ms.
Newberg? Oh, joy.
Can't wait to meet her.
Oh.
That Ms.
Newberg.
You know her? Of her.
They call her Newparts Newberg.
Are you even listening to me? Uh, Ms.
Newberg? Are you the administrator? No, I'm Hank.
Oh, good.
I hear wonderful things.
Great.
This is Divya.
I'm his physician assistant.
She's not my physician assistant.
I need your help, Hank.
Ms.
Newberg, you're in a hospital.
No.
This is not a hospital.
It's not? It's a socialist conspiracy.
Apparently, if you're not holding your dismembered leg in your hand, you don't require treatment.
There's a line based on medical necessity, and you belong at the back of it.
Lines are for the citiots.
What's a citiot? It's what we call you people who come out just for the weekend.
Thank you.
Ms.
Newberg, what's your emergency? I've got a flat tire.
Okay.
I'm not AAA.
No.
A flat tire.
Oh.
Dear.
I spent the entire off-season on this project.
I waited months to debut these two saline gems on the beach this weekend, and I wake up this morning, and Flat tire.
That's a shame.
But it's not my area.
In fact, I shouldn't have even come here.
Look, the good news is, you'll be fine.
The saline is harmless, your body will simply absorb it.
Just wait your turn and the ER staff here will take good care of you, I'm sure.
Hank, let's help her.
No.
You must.
I'm sorry.
Please.
I can't go around looking like this in the Hamptons, like some high-society circus freak.
What am I supposed to do with this? Hang beach towels on this thing? I mean, they're supposed to come in pairs.
I have no privileges at this hospital.
In fact, me even standing here consulting with you is probably 12 different kinds of illegal.
And I have no equipment or facilities of my own.
Well, I can get us everything we need.
Well, your assistant seems very confident.
She's not my assistant.
Offer to pay him generously.
Divya! He needs the money.
I'll pay any amount.
That's not the point.
I'll pay enough money to make it the point.
Ms.
Newberg I don't take "no" for an answer.
Take it or leave it.
It's my answer.
Have a great day.
Can I be of any help here? You already had your chance.
Nice to see you again, Ms.
Newberg.
This is Hank, my private physician.
I'm not her private physician.
We kind of met Jill Casey.
Hospital administrator.
Hank Lawson.
Uh, between jobs.
Nice to meet you, Dr.
Lawson.
Can we confer a moment one on one, please? Yeah.
Sure.
He's very selective about his clientele, but I think he likes you.
So, you're the new concierge doctor in town? No, no, no.
No, I'm not.
I can explain this.
No.
Don't.
In fact, I just want to thank you for taking that frequent flyer off our hands.
You do? Yeah.
She storms in here every time one of her, uh, renovations goes awry, and she expects to leapfrog over dozens of people with staph infections and skull fractures, chest pains Well.
You know what comes into an ER, I'm sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
So, you gonna fix her flat tire? Like I'm AAA.
When I said consultation, I was thinking some place a little more private.
Well, you don't mind, do you? I've just got a couple of things I've got to pick up in town.
Besides, I'm not shy.
Oh, right.
So, come on.
Let's cut to the chase, Hank.
Okay.
Okay.
Hey.
Where are you going? Saline, not silicone.
Right.
Single-lumen? Yes.
Volume? Um, 900 ccs.
you can buy without going to the custom market.
I don't do anything half-assed, dear.
Uh, excuse me a moment, please.
Yes, Mother.
Yes, I'll be at the polo match with you and Father.
So, she didn't buy off the rack.
Look.
Assuming you could even find us a place to do this, where the hell are we going to get custom parts? It would take time.
Time she'd spend walking around like a high-society circus freak.
Symmetry is the key to beauty.
Hey.
You have some local anesthetic and a needle in the car? I do.
Okay, there is the opposite solution.
I don't follow you.
If we can't refill the flat tire We can just flatten the other one.
It will even her out.
Oh, we can do that procedure anywhere.
In the comfort of her own home.
She's not going to like this one bit.
I know.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Ms.
Newberg? We've got some good news and some bad news.
Well, I think the procedure went very well, Ms.
Newberg.
You look incredible.
Just as CFO of HankMed, I need a billing address.
Bill me in Manhattan, Palm Beach, Aspen Anywhere but here.
This is my sanctuary.
Got it.
Hank.
Darling.
Wonder man! Although I did waste an entire winter of self-beautification.
But you're out of the circus.
I'm out of the circus.
And another satisfied HankMed customer.
HankMed? I would be so delighted if you all came to my beach party tonight, the one I thought I was going to have to cancel.
No, thank you.
I appreciate it, but I love beach parties.
It's weird.
Like, I think about them when I'm not even at them.
Perfect.
We make a hell of a team, too.
CFO of HankMed? Yeah.
HankMed.
Has kind of a ring to it, right? I have time until next tax season, plus the social perks of this job should be killer.
I'd like to discuss my title, Hank.
There are no titles.
There is no team.
There is no HankMed.
I'm sorry, guys.
I just don't think I can do this.
So, where does that leave us? At goodbye.
Hank.
Nice meeting you, Divya.
Hank, Hank, Hank, Hank.
Yeah.
You, too.
Hey.
Okay, how do I look? You look like an Olympic swimmer from Queeristan.
Is that a good or a bad thing? You're not really going to go like that, are you? Too much? Way.
Okay.
I suspected that.
Come to the party, okay? Come on.
It's an evening with Newparts Newberg.
Like, how exclusive does that sound? Consider me excluded.
What are you going to do here? Relax.
Think.
Okay.
Cool.
Well, think hard.
Or not too hard.
Whatever is better for me.
But just so you know, as your brother and accountant Get out or you'll cease to be either one.
Bam.
I love you.
I like you.
Have fun with your thoughts.
Dude, you're killing me.
How is it you can penetrate a heavily guarded castle and not your own motel room? Hey.
Hey.
Um, I'm sure you're wondering how I tracked you down.
No, I stopped wondering that out here.
Well, I hope I'm not intruding.
Actually, Ms.
Newberg came by.
She has a goiter the size of Montauk.
Uh, Dr.
Lawson, I wanted to Hank.
Hank.
Hank.
Um You know, I know a place down on the beach.
Do you want to grab a bite? Everybody loves Chewy's.
Yeah, I know.
It looks good.
The best.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Thanks, Chewy.
Thanks.
So, tell me about this little enterprise that you're building.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, no.
I haven't actually decided to build anything, yet.
Can I ask you something? As medical professionals, do you think we are who we care for? You know, we're not all movie stars and moguls out here.
We do have some ordinary folk like busboys and plumbers, electricians Yeah.
I saw the contractor with the lower back injury Yeah.
and the older woman with the asthmatic bronchitis.
The kind of people that keep this place running.
If it weren't for them, the VIPs wouldn't be able to tell the difference between East Hampton and East Newark.
Hey.
Easy on Jersey.
Oh.
Uh That was me being easy on Jersey.
Oh! Anyway, you know, they're mainly the people that come into my ER 'cause, well, I mean, they get sick and injured, too.
But Right.
None of that matters.
The only thing that matters at the end of the day is that these people need help, and if I don't help them, who will? Exactly.
Not your old boss in Brooklyn.
My grad school has a tight-knit alumni network and I asked around.
Huh, I guess you can't escape your past.
Yours won't follow you for too long.
What do you mean? Well, the kid was obviously the sicker patient, and to have a cardiac tamponade during an angio is kind of like having your gas tank explode when you're filling her up.
You triaged by the book.
It was bad luck, not a bad call.
How could you possibly Thank you.
And if I were the hospital administrator there, I would have had your back all the way.
Yeah.
And you would have been fired, too.
Gladly, because I think what happened to you is unacceptable, Hank, and we need to change the things that we can't accept.
Yeah.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
So, what were you, a nice normal girl, doing at a party like that last night? I'm raising money for a local free clinic.
Oh.
Yeah.
And Boris has been very generous.
Oh.
So, you know where to find me.
Well, I know where you work, what you drive, where you go for clams.
I mean, I guess I could go back to Chewy's and just kind of, you know, sit there, waiting for you, but it might take a while.
And now you have my number.
Hey, it's Hank.
How are you feeling, pal? Good as new, thanks to you.
Glad to hear that, Tucker.
They may release me tomorrow, actually, but they said I'll need follow-up.
All right.
Well, when your dad gets back next Actually, uh Actually, he extended his trip.
By how much? Uh, the rest of the summer.
Oh.
Well, I extended mine, too.
So give me a call when you get back.
Great.
So you can do my follow-up? And so we can, you know, fly your model planes in the backyard.
Sounds great, dude.
Can't wait.
Okay.
Bye.
Later, man.
Ah-ha! The good doctor.
What a pleasant surprise.
What can I do for you? So, I was wondering about that possible vacancy you mentioned.
Yes? Your timing is impeccable, Hank.
Feels like all people do out here is knock on each other's doors.
The only thing knocking here, Hank, is opportunity.
Dr.
Hot Shot.
Those observant eyes of yours, you'd better keep them open wide, 'cause you ain't seen nothing, yet.
All right.
Call 911.
I need those two gym bags right now.
I want some ice from those coolers, okay? And move it.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Ice.
Ice.
Bring it in.
Okay, I need to ice his crotch, his armpits and his scalp.
Thank you.
Pits.
He can't breathe.
All right, come here.
I want you to keep pumping just like this.
Okay? Thank you.
Reaching in.
Lifting.
All right, he's breathing.
He's breathing.
Ambulance will be here in 10 minutes.
Okay, we don't have that long.
All right.
Who's got an SUV? Straight back.
Straight back.
Smooth and steady, fellows.
Smooth and steady.
Here we go.
All the way back.
Go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
What are you doing here, man? Aren't you off today, Dr.
Lawson? I was.
Status post cardiac arrest.
Got his pulse back and opened his airway.
Did you really use gym bags for immobilization? Yeah.
Can't wait to tell him some sweaty boxers saved his neck.
Here you go, Doctor.
Thank you.
Thready pulse.
Here, I got it.
O2 sat 80.
BP 100 over 60.
Draw up 5 of Versed and 150 of sucs.
Dr.
Lawson? Paramedics bringing in a 68-year-old with a STEMI.
When? Now.
Thank God you're on.
We have Mr.
Gardner over here.
The Mr.
Gardner? Yes.
All right.
I'll be right there.
Oh, Mr.
Gardner is a friend.
We don't keep friends waiting, Dr.
Lawson.
Okay.
Let's have a look, then.
Tube him.
You got it, Hank.
All right, guys.
Let's get him to the cath lab.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Prep nitro drip and titrate to pain.
I'll get started on the cath.
Type and screen him for two units packed cells.
Going for the femoral artery.
Threading the femoral artery.
No obstruction.
Eight French catheter, over the wire.
Weak dilator.
And into the femoral artery.
And there's the blockage.
You can finish up.
I'm going to go out.
You got it.
He's stable.
He just needs an angio.
Dr.
Wolf, how's the kid? The EKG shows a third-degree AV block.
He was unresponsive to meds.
I placed an external pacer, but I'm not getting capture.
What's his BP? Hovering around All right.
He needs a wire, stat.
Whoa.
The priority is Mr.
Gardner.
You'll see him all the way through.
Gardner is stable.
His BP is up.
His sat is 98% on two liters.
The S-T segments are normalizing and his pain is gone.
So, how about today we save two for the price of one? Let's go.
Dr.
Lawson.
Dr.
Lawson! Wow.
Thanks.
After a long day of life and death, there is nothing more reassuring than the sight of the world's most beautiful girl.
If I had a nickel.
Come here.
Settle down, Dr.
Desperate.
I know that look in your eyes.
It usually leads to skipping a meal.
Hmm.
We skip apps and dessert.
We order apps with the entrees.
Cold apps only, no BlackBerries.
Done and done.
All right.
Decide now, so I can get the check.
You don't own this body yet.
But I nailed the down payment, right? Yeah, you did.
Let's go give that long day of yours a happy ending.
I have a confession to make.
I will hear your confession.
I always wanted to marry a doctor.
Everything seems to be falling into place for me.
For us.
Maybe life is supposed to go according to plan.
Yeah.
Man plans, God laughs.
Don't you think that every day for us is better than the one before it? The ones that end like this.
I'm not Mmm, Hank.
No.
Dr.
Lawson.
All right.
Yeah.
Hello? I recognized Mr.
Gardner's level of blockage, I knew it had to be relieved, and I was confident he would be successfully angioplastied and survive.
Barring any bad luck.
Well, bad luck rained and poured, didn't it? While you had our senior CT surgeon in another room.
To help me try to rescue a crashing patient.
I made a judgment call.
You made a mistake.
A fatal one.
And it's a shame, Dr.
Lawson, because we all know you're the most talented physician this emergency department has seen, and your star was only on the rise.
Was? If I were you, I'd find a good lawyer and a great place to hide for the next 25 years.
Maybe by then, you'll be completely forgotten and you can come back and try again.
Hey, Dad? You wanna have a catch? I'd like that.
Hey.
I'm always here for you.
I just ask for my guy space.
That's all I ask for.
Hank? Guy space? You know what today is? It's Monday.
It's Thursday.
Okay.
So? You gave yourself You gave me 30 days.
You agreed to it.
What do you want me to do? You know what I want you to do.
Nikki, I can't make a new job appear out of thin air.
Yeah.
No one can.
That's why we That's why we search, apply, interview.
It's a proven technique.
Yeah.
I've tried it.
The Gardner family managed to pull a few strings and have me blackballed at every Level I trauma center in New York.
Oh.
What about a Level II or a Level III? Thanks to all these lawsuits and countersuits, no institution will touch me.
I can't get work as a school nurse.
Just remember one thing.
You put us here.
Not me.
You're the one who let a billionaire hospital trustee die on your day off.
I mean, Jesus Christ, Hank.
This is not what I signed on for.
I wanted to spend on florists and caterers and photographers, not attorneys.
I think we need to postpone.
I'll see your postponement and raise you.
I saved the kid.
You've hashed and rehashed every excruciating detail of this nightmare over and over again, but the one thing you never mention is that I saved the goddamn kid.
If anyone asks, that's why we called it off.
Since the day I met you, Hank, you have never been able to accept the things you can't change.
Right.
That's why we called it off.
I'll send Rebecca to get my stuff.
Don't even think I'm splitting the cancellation costs with you.
Yeah, just add the bills to my stack.
And the best part? No more dirty clean-up.
It takes care of itself.
Partay.
Nikki left.
Yeah.
Yeah, I heard that.
It's, uh It's hard to believe she would run away from all this.
Okay.
What do you want, Evan? I want to get you out of here.
Yeah, well, I can't right now.
Yeah.
Clearly, you're swamped.
You really need to get out of this apartment and get some fresh air, bro.
In Brooklyn? Honestly, it smells so bad.
It smells like a moose had sex with a bucket of Chinese food in here.
Like, musty.
And you kind of look like Jesus and Patrick Dempsey had a child and that child grew older and then got really sick.
That's weird.
I'm not going anywhere.
Okay.
Look.
Look.
This trip is going to get you back on your feet.
I promise.
Trip? What trip? Are you kidding? To the Hamptons.
I've been telling you about this all month.
Yeah, and all month, I've been saying, "No way.
" I thought you meant "no way" like, "No way!" I haven't meant it that way since I was 10.
How much fun did we have then? I'm not going.
Okay.
Hank? Listen to me.
Look.
It's Memorial Day weekend.
Okay? It's the first weekend of the summer.
The biggest parties in the universe are happening out there for the next four days.
I'm not going.
I happen to have an in to the rager tonight in Sagaponack.
Thing's supposed to be epic.
The guy's flying in ice from Antarctica just for the cocktails.
Obviously.
I mean, where else are you going to fly in ice from? The sushi rolls are going to be filled with southern bluefin tuna and, like, diamond chunks.
People are going to be eating, and people are like, "Oh, God! Oh, it's worth it! "Oh, yeah, let's have a diamond fight! "A diamond fight!" Like, supermodels are going to be mud-wrestling over us, Hank.
It's going to be insane.
Okay, you know what? That really actually does sound good.
And no.
Not going.
You know what? You're coming.
I already have us booked in the very last hotel suite in the Hamptons.
And it's fit for a king.
Evan, I am broke, unemployed, depressed, disillusioned and alone.
Are you texting while I'm talking? Hmm? I can do both.
Why would I want to spend tonight partying with a bunch of people whose biggest problems revolve around whether or not to send their Yorkshire terriers to therapy? Hell, give me one decent reason.
I'm going to give you two.
You're all out of booze.
Oh.
Two, Netflix froze your account.
As your brother, but also as your accountant, I'm advising you to donate this thing to science and just take the write-off.
Okay.
How bad's traffic going to be? You mean how good.
All right, this is offensive.
This is the best thing I've ever seen in my life.
Just relax into it.
Let it take you in.
Find a center.
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
No, no, no! Look.
No, no, no.
Look, look.
I need you to book me VIP tables at La Playa and Dune, as well as Pink Elephant.
Okay? It's called club hopping, not club stopping.
All right? And make sure that the real estate is current A-list this time.
Make it happen.
God! Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I just You know, having a lot of money sometimes I mean, it's good sometimes, but sometimes It drives you so crazy.
You out here all weekend? Uh, every last drop of it, uh-huh.
North or south? What's that? North or south of the highway? Oh, right.
Yeah, of course.
Uh, south.
Do you own or rent? Renting right now.
Oh.
So Which Hampton? West Hampton.
You mean Worst Hampton.
Worst Hampton? I'll see you later.
Well, that went well.
So, take a right.
All right.
Whoa, that is a cool house.
You know what's so much fun when you're driving in the Hamptons and you've been in your house for three weeks? What's that? Check this out.
Okay.
That's not funny.
Just trust me.
That's not funny.
Just trust me.
Fit for a king, huh? Uh, I didn't say which country.
How are you? Dude, they can't even vote.
What? What? That's just wrong.
Partay.
Tonight is the party.
It's going to be historic.
And that's why I don't even plan on sleeping here tonight.
I want to get taken in like a stray puppy on a rainy night.
Maybe Brangelina will adopt you.
What's my favorite sport, Hank? Extreme social climbing? Yeah.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Enjoy your shift.
Whose, uh Whose place is this exactly? Boris.
Boris who? He's, uh, some German duke and like, a trillionaire.
Everyone just calls him Boris.
So follow my lead.
What do you mean? Just act like we're invited.
Well, you said we are invited.
Uh, I said I have an in.
Well, how good of an in? I can't really speak to that definitively right now.
By the way, my name is Wilhelm.
Good evening, gentlemen.
Welcome to Shadow Pond.
Oh, yes.
Hello, Shadow Pond.
Wilhelm Friedrich Von Schmidtsberg.
Schmidtsberg? Schmidtsberg.
Of Niedertaufkirchen, of course.
Und my security, Johann.
Johann, say hello.
He's new.
He's new.
I'm sorry.
The name again, please? Wilhelm Friedrich Von Schmidtstein.
Sorry.
I thought it was Schmidtsberg.
Yes.
Well, it was.
Until the Prussian Hohenzollerns took control of Berlin in 1881.
You were there? Uh, you have some identification, please? But of course.
Identification, yes.
Thank you.
I'm sorry, sir.
Enjoy your evening.
Boris has 312 cousins back in Deutschland.
He knows maybe four of them, but he puts them all on a permanent guest list, just in case one of them pops in during a visit.
Wait.
So, how did you become Wilhelm? I made a few calls to the consulate.
I studied the dynasty's genealogy on the Web.
And then I chose the only name I had even a shot at remembering.
Right.
And the fake German ID? Puerto Rican guy I know in Queens.
Okay.
Do me a favor? Yeah.
Never speak to me again.
Uh, hold that thought.
Still mad at me? Bro, this is where God would party.
If he could get in.
You want to hear something interesting? Sure.
For the first time in a long time, uh, you're smiling.
I love that shirt.
I love that shirt.
I love that shirt.
I love this shirt.
Is it from Lagerfeld's new summer collection? Believe it or not, Costco.
Costco.
Costco.
Seriously.
Yeah.
What kind of plane do you have? And please, tell me it's yours.
I am so over fractional ownership.
Right.
I have no money, no job, and my Saab is older than you.
Wait.
Oh.
So, how did you get in here? My friend is Bavarian royalty.
Honey.
This is the Hamptons.
Everybody is royalty.
Thanks for the tip.
April? Quick, quick, something's wrong with April.
You all right, April? You're gonna be all right.
It's all right.
Clear.
Clear.
Dr.
Silver here.
When are you damn kids going to learn how to hold your drugs? Boris' concierge doctor.
Start with some Oxy, then a little crystal, rip a few lines, and chase it all down with champagne.
"Heaven salad" you kids call it, right? What? April doesn't do drugs.
Why? Because she says she doesn't? News flash, pretty boy.
Most drug addicts are also liars.
Sorry, April.
We've got to get this straight into your system.
Doctor.
You may have misdiagnosed.
Oh, really? Who are you? Just a concerned observer.
Oh.
Well, I observe nausea, photosensitivity, disorientation, and a few other tell-tale symptoms of an opioid overdose.
What are you observing? The same symptoms that you are plus a couple you're not, like her miotic pupils and SLUDGE toxidrome.
It's a chemical nerve agent.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Stethoscope, please.
Have you been with her all night? Yeah, pretty much.
Okay.
Tell me everywhere you've been.
Uh, we were in the walk-in fireplace Mmm-hmm.
downstairs in the recording studio Right.
out in the botanical garden.
The garden.
What did you do there? Uh, nothing.
She was smelling flowers.
Insecticide.
See, the problem with assuming the worst about people, Dr.
Silver, is that it lets you stop searching for culprits.
Okay.
You got any atropine in the fancy case? Light, please.
Thank you.
All right.
Now we need to get her to a hospital.
You.
Call 911.
No.
Thank you.
No.
You can punch out for the night, Doctor.
Thank you.
No paramedics.
You mean no cops.
Aren't you a doctor? Yes.
But only a doctor.
She needs a hospital.
Hamptons Heritage Hospital? The place is a taco stand.
For anything more advanced than a Band-Aid, we'd have to get her to Stony Brook or Manhattan.
What does she need? The second half of the antidote.
There must be some way to help her and help me.
I would be doubly grateful.
All right.
Look out.
Look out.
I got this from here, guy.
Who are you? I'm a lifeguard.
Are you board certified in clinical toxicology? Huh? Help me get her up, Baywatch.
Get her a pillow, please? Your bodyguards outside.
What about them? High-priced, former Mossad.
Okay.
Do they have Mark I kits? Enough to save everyone in this house.
Baywatch, go tell them I need the auto-injector from a Mark I kit.
Go fast.
Go now.
Where do you practice, Doctor? Nowhere.
My last hospital fired me for letting a rich patient die.
Bureaucracies.
I find the skilled amongst us are better off left to their own devices.
Yes? Here.
All right.
Here we go, sweetie.
Hello, April.
She's going to be fine, right? She should still be taken to a hospital, whether it serves Mexican food or not.
You can't just shoot her up and put her to bed.
My head hurts.
And my throat.
A result of your Linda Blair impersonation.
Thanks.
Here, you should drink some water.
Mmm.
Now, look.
You've been asleep up here for an hour, but you still need to take it easy.
Mmm.
You're the one that saved me? Well, the lifeguard helped out, too.
Who are you? I'm Hank.
Hi, Hank.
You always keep a detox kit around for the occasional OD? For the protection of my guests.
Ah.
For the protection of your privacy.
So, I gather you're Boris.
Boris Kuester von Jurgens-Ratenicz.
Hmm.
You'd be informal about it, too.
No? Yeah.
I'm Hank.
Hank.
Have a seat, Hank.
Uh, you know what? It's a pleasure meeting you, but I wanted to thank you.
Yeah.
No sweat.
And compensate you for the trouble.
Oh, yeah.
Look.
I can't accept that.
A pro bono concierge doctor? Concierge doctor? Private physician for hire? All the rage amongst us elite folk.
No, I was just in the wrong place at the right time, and I was ethically obligated to intervene.
But you should have called the girl an ambulance.
Life isn't always simple.
Well, death is.
Sit down, Hank.
Please.
You're quite right.
My privacy is sacred to me, and I can't afford any unwanted attention this summer.
The last thing I need is a Page Six sensation on the first weekend.
But something told me truly she was in better hands with you.
Where are you staying? Some theme park in Worst Hampton.
Stay in my guest cottage for the summer.
It will be vacant shortly.
Yeah, no.
I'm only out here for the weekend.
Well, if you extend your stay Bye, Hank.
And then I could tie it up in a package for you.
Hey! Oh, my God! Where have you been? Working.
Dude, wait.
Hey.
Hey.
I'm out of here, Wilhelm.
What do you mean? Whoa! Dude.
You can't leave right now.
I'm on the verge of having a Roman orgy with the entire cast of Gossip Girl.
Good.
They can drive you back to the motel after prom.
Thank you, sir.
Oh, hey.
The heroic doctor.
Nice work in there.
Thanks.
Uh, I'm sorry.
Did you need a ride? Oh, no, no.
Thanks.
I have one.
My car.
Ah.
And a nice basic car it is.
Well.
Out here, basic is special.
Yeah.
I think so, too.
So, I see you're the other person who bought it in this color.
Yeah, you know.
They offered to throw in free hubcaps, and I just caved.
Okay.
Well, I'll see you around.
Okay.
Hey, don't go running any red lights.
May get pinned on me.
I need one last look at my cousin's castle.
What the hell is that? What's what? There's a briefcase in the backseat.
This isn't yours? Uh-uh.
"The Doctor.
" Well, that's you.
"My gratitude is non-negotiable.
With regards, Boris.
" Well, this could have some serious tax implications for you.
This is a real bar of gold, Hank.
Dude, what were you up to in there? Yeah, that's good, that's good, that's good.
Better in bed, yes.
Oh, oh, oh, danke, baby.
Yeah.
Oh, well, if you're wearing a T-shirt, it will never work.
Yeah? Evan.
Just take your shirt off.
Danke.
Take your shirt off.
Evan, shut up.
Take your Take your shirt Just take your shirt off.
Take your shirt off.
Evan! Oh.
What are Shh.
Okay, relax.
Just relax.
Would you get out of But it's already warm here.
Go.
Go to your bed.
It's already Go to bed.
All right.
God.
What Hello? Hello.
Hank? Uh, yeah? I have an emergency.
Could you come over immediately, please? Wait, I'm sorry.
Who is this? You don't know me.
My name's Mr.
Bryant.
I'll text you the address.
Please hurry.
It's a matter of life and death.
Uh, so, thank you so much again, Pete.
You are my man.
Have a good day.
Hi.
I'm Hank.
I guess your dad called? Mr.
Bryant? Yeah.
Well, Dad's not here right now.
I'm Tucker Bryant, and I called you.
Well, you don't sound like the guy.
Right.
Oh, right.
How about now? Oh.
I'm sorry.
I had no choice.
How did you get my number? Well, when my dad took off this morning, he left this list of emergency contacts.
And it says, "Medical emergency, Dr.
Silver.
Concierge Doctor.
" But then that's crossed out, and it just says "Hank" and your number.
Uh-huh.
Okay, so Your dad's out of town and you totaled his Ferrari.
Uh, yeah, but let's avoid the Billy Joel jokes.
He lives within earshot.
Uh, this isn't my blood.
It's my girlfriend's.
Can you come inside? Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
And who is Dad? Marshall David Bryant IV.
Never heard of him.
Yeah.
Uh, well, that's 'cause this is my great-grandfather's money he spends collecting all those toys.
Who's your great-grandfather? Marshall David Bryant II.
Never heard of him, either.
Ever use a blender? Yeah.
You're welcome.
Uh, Doctor.
Are we gonna do this? Yeah.
Babe, the guy's here.
Perfect.
Because I already found out what's wrong with me.
I've got an epidural hematoma, a thoracic spine fracture, a sternoclavicular dislocation, and obviously, some likely internal bleeding, but that's just so far.
Okay.
Libby, chill.
Chill? Yeah.
How the hell am I supposed to chill, Tucker? Can't you see that I'm officially dying here? Yeah, okay, okay.
What? What? God.
Okay.
Okay! All right.
Dude! You're killing me! How is it you can remember the name of every bone in the body but you can't remember to take your key? I'm still asleep, right? Um, I'm looking for Hank? Not if it's my dream, you're not.
Who are you? Um, I'm Evan R.
Lawson, CPA.
AKA, I'm Hank's brother.
You're related to Hank? Really? Yeah.
Thanks.
So, where is he? He is, uh I don't know where he is.
Could I take a message for him? For the first time in my life, I may actually be in love with a guy, and you want me to just relay that info to him through his half-nude, number-crunching little brother.
It's just a bit awkward, don't you think? I think, yeah, that would be 100% socially unacceptable.
Um You know Hank saved my life? I heard if it wasn't for him, that concierge hack would have killed me.
Uh-huh.
I just need to give him his jacket and say thank you.
Uh-huh.
Well, you know that, as his brother and accountant, I am actually legally empowered to accept your thanks on his behalf.
You don't look very empowered.
Can I give you the grand tour? No.
I'll just wait here.
Okay.
That's, uh You can stay as long as you want.
Let's be clear.
I'm here for Hank.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Got it.
Good.
So, I'm going to go and take a few cold showers then.
See you.
Okay.
Sorry.
Just got to send that to everyone I've ever met.
See you in a sec.
So that tree came out of nowhere.
Actually, it came out of the ground.
Yeah, but did it have the right of way? This is so not funny.
You wanted to go for the ride.
I wanted Pinkberry, Tucker.
You said you could drive that thing, and I don't know.
Thank you.
I guess it was too much car for you, baby.
Do not emasculate me, Libby.
She's fine, right, Doc? Uh, yeah.
Let's have a look.
Okay.
Does that hurt? Yes.
And that? Yeah.
Okay.
And that? Take a guess, McWeenie.
McWeenie? I have fibromyalgia, right? What? It's a disorder marked by the presence of chronic widespread pain and tactile allodynia.
Yeah, no.
I know what it is.
Patients also typically present with debilitating fatigue, abnormal sleep architecture, cognitive dysfunction, anxiety, depression.
Do you see what I'm dealing with here? Yeah.
You don't have fibromyalgia.
Oh, my God.
You're going to tell me that nothing is wrong with me.
I hate when doctors do that.
Every single day.
Oh, no.
There's something wrong with you, all right.
Thank you.
I think he's being facetious, babe.
Do not patronize me, Tucker.
Are you guys really only 16? I told her she doesn't have anything.
Actually, she does.
What? It's an increasingly common condition called cyberchondriasis.
I so knew it.
I knew it! The whole time, I totally knew it.
Oh, my God.
Is it degenerative? All right.
So, April April? Right.
Let's talk turkey.
Fine.
Call Hank.
Uh, I don't have his number.
Bull.
That's correct, and since we have time together right now, tell me about your colleagues.
I prefer the European, you know, runway bulimics, myself, but I also feel very strongly that the girl-next-door, like, glamour-model types, they need love, too.
Hank? Already? Who are you? I'm Divya.
Divya Katdare.
And? And I'm looking for Dr.
Hank? Note to self, become a doctor.
Sorry.
I didn't mean to upset you.
Cyberchondriasis? Cyberchondriasis? How could that not upset me? That sounds awful.
I mean, what is it? Just tell me.
Is it neurological? Lmmunosuppressive? Say it's not dermatological.
You can take anything, but just not my complexion.
Right.
Cyberchondriasis is an obsession with researching health online.
Symptoms include excessive time spent on WebMD, NIH, and NOAH Health.
That's it? That's it.
You're just a cyberchondriac.
A rabid cyberchondriac, I'm afraid.
But, uh, it's nothing that will kill you.
Sorry.
Okay.
Uh, let's let the good doctor be on his way now, Libby.
Wait.
I have more complaints.
My uvula dangles really longer than most people's.
She's a handful, but all the best ones are, right? So, thanks for coming over so quick.
Listen, we should hang out sometime.
We could fly model planes.
Where do you do that? In the backyard, where Dad lands his chopper.
Yeah.
I'm only here for the weekend, pal.
Oh.
Too bad.
Uh, Dad would have liked you.
Yeah.
And I'd like to know how he got my number.
I mean, I just got out here.
Word travels pretty fast in the Hamptons.
You know what? Let me have a look at that leg.
Oh, no.
I'm solid, man.
I'm just a bit banged up.
But what would be mighty fine of you is if we could keep this whole little episode on the DL? You don't think Dad will notice the Ferrari Challenge out front that looks like it's been through your great-grandfather's invention? Uh, no.
He's at his Saint-Tropez beach house for the next 10 days.
I have plenty of time.
That's a half-million-dollar piece of hand-assembled machinery.
Ten days is plenty of time to repair it? No, not repair it.
Replace it.
Aren't there, like, Uh, yeah, but I only need to buy one.
Look.
What Dad doesn't know won't hurt him, and you can't really put a price on not hurting your old man, right? I mean, this is what trust funds are for.
Mmm.
Sorry.
I don't sell my silence.
Are you going to snitch on me? Not if no one asks, but I'm not going to lie for a kid who risks lives, all in search of a few ounces of frozen yogurt.
Overhyped frozen yogurt, I might add.
It's not overhyped, dude.
It's a tart, refreshing, fat-free snack that offers 10% RDA of calcium per serving.
Yeah, dude.
Don't punk the Crackberry.
She'll light your ass up like a Christmas tree.
Hey, look.
I need to give you a once-over.
No, you don't.
Tucker? Hey.
I've got you.
I've got you.
Tucker? Tucker? Tucker? Tucker? Tucker? Oh, my God.
Tucker.
Oh, no.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Why didn't you tell me you're a hemophiliac? Dude, my chest is killing me.
Where's your factor Vlll supply? Bottom drawer next to my aquarium.
Okay.
Libby, go.
Okay.
Just try to keep calm, Tucker.
Stay with me, pal.
I can't breathe.
Stay with me.
Tucker, stay with me.
Tucker, stay Tucker? All right.
The jugular's up.
Muffled heart sounds.
Minimal pulses.
Damn, it's a Beck's.
What's happening to him? Beck's? What do you mean, Beck's? He probably contused his heart and bled into the pericardial sac.
What are you talking about? His heart is being squeezed and not circulating blood to his brain.
He needs the fluid drained, but because of his hemophilia, I could kill him trying to save him.
Please, Hank, you have to save him.
It's Tucker.
Okay.
I need a bottle of vodka, a very sharp, pointed knife, a BIC pen, a sandwich baggie and some duct tape.
Sandwich baggie, duct tape.
Who are you, MacGyver? All right.
Go.
Incising subcostally.
Opening into the subxiphoid area.
Blunt dissecting towards the pericardium.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
I'm there.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Now, pray he's started clotting.
Opening the pericardium.
He's bleeding.
Hank, he's bleeding.
Oh, my God.
We're killing him.
We're killing him.
Tucker Wait.
Wait.
Okay, he's clotting.
He's clotting.
Give me the pen.
Okay.
Tape.
He's doing great.
He's clotting.
Yeah.
Okay.
Good.
Good.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Tucker.
Just take it easy, pal.
Just take it easy.
Tucker.
Hi.
You're What did you do to me? He saved you.
He saved you.
That's what he did.
And Libby helped out big-time.
Libby, now call 911.
The Hamptons Heritage? No way, man.
Dad calls it the local cemetery.
Okay, well, we have to get you somewhere quick.
What would Dad suggest we do? Go into my wallet and get the little black card that says American Express on it.
Okay.
He's really okay? He isn't in pain? Hemophiliacs live in pain, Libby.
He'll be okay.
Good times.
This way, miss.
I should meet you at Mount Sinai.
No.
You really don't have to.
You're an unaccompanied minor.
Yeah.
Almost always.
I'm used to it.
All right.
Hey.
Yo! How has your morning been? I've never worked harder during a vacation in my life.
That's amazing.
I had the exact same morning.
Where you going there, bro? Back to the city for some R and R.
What if I told you I had two beautiful women in the bathroom right now, and they came here just to see you? Yeah, Ev.
Sure.
If that's true, I will stay the rest of the weekend.
Ladies, Hank's home! Oh.
So, you remember April.
She's here to thank you for saving her life.
And this is Divya.
She's here to apply for a job.
Uh Okay.
Let's go one at a time.
So, what you're suggesting is I'm not suggesting.
I'm insisting.
We need to see more of each other.
I don't think that's such a good idea.
Why not? Your judgment is still clouded.
It has never been clearer, Hank.
Listen.
These feelings you think you have Who here knows more about my feelings? I do.
Oh, really? How is that? Because this isn't an emotional issue.
It's a medical one.
It's called Nightingale syndrome.
What's that? It's where a patient in critical care develops an emotional dependency on his or her caretaker.
I don't have Nightingale syndrome.
Prove it.
How? Don't see me for a month.
If you still have your feelings then, we'll talk.
Are you here all summer? No.
Just for the weekend.
Well, you're not making this very easy on me.
Sorry.
Next! The doctor will see you now.
Divya? Divya, Divya, hold on.
What's wrong? Well, I think we skipped a part.
Oh? Which part? The part where you tell me what the hell is going on here.
I'd like to be your PA.
My PA? Physician assistant.
Why would I need one? All concierge doctors have a PA.
I am not a concierge doctor.
Uh, what's a concierge doctor? It's the doctor of the future.
It's the newest accessory of the rich.
It's how we all did it once.
You know, the folksy neighbor, walking up to your door with a little black bag.
Right.
But now, it's a former department chair from Mayo or Mass General or UCLA, rolling up in an SUV with portable X-ray, ultrasound and EKG gear.
It's doctors on demand.
What's so wrong with that? Nothing.
Nothing.
It's just It's not what I do.
Well, what about April? I was a bystander.
What about Tucker Bryant? How could you possibly know I got a call while you were talking to April.
It's the Hamptons.
Yeah.
Word travels fast.
I know.
Look, two freak occurrences.
I have not set up shop in the Hamptons.
I know.
And I guess what I'm saying is, why not? Wait a minute.
So, you've been here for 24 hours, and you already have a bar of gold in your nightstand It's chocolate.
The maid puts it on your pillow.
No, no, no.
It's gold.
And you're chasing away supermodels.
Like, imagine what we could do if we actually tried.
We? Who's we? Hank, you're up to your eyes in debt with no income to service that debt, and your bills back in Brooklyn, they're stacking up like buckwheat pancakes.
You got a better career plan? I took the liberty of doing some back-of-the-envelope calculations.
A rough estimate of the emergency-medicine market out here during the season, and a practice model of services and fees.
With virtually no capital outlay, conservative pricing, and relying strictly on word-of-mouth and referrals You could bank some nice coin here.
Dude, I really like this girl.
Aren't you going to get it? Would you That's my Doctor's office.
How can I help you? I'm looking for Excuse me.
You're not my Of course.
Of course.
One moment, please.
For you.
I have no It's an emergency.
Hello? Dr.
Hank? Thank God! No, no, no.
Look.
You don't understand.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, Ms.
Newberg? I don't even know what happened to you, but I Right away.
No I No No, I am not taking No, do not text me the Hello? Well, my car has GPS and a few other things that may come in handy.
Shotgun.
You really came prepared.
Core wound care.
Home diagnostics.
Infusion IV.
Why does a PA drive around with them in her trunk? Well, they were on sale.
Divya.
Look.
I want to show you all I can bring to the table.
I mean, besides my work ethic, my knowledge of the Hamptons, my relationships with the locals Your superbly well-toned figure.
Don't objectify me, sidekick.
Uh, this is it.
This is what? The address that woman gave Hank.
No, no, no.
There has to be a mistake.
No.
No.
This is it.
This is where Mrs.
Newberg is stranded in desperate need of medical assistance.
I guess we can leave the toys in the car.
Evan, that includes you.
A little faster, Doctor.
I'm coming.
You think one of these people is Ms.
Newberg? I've been waiting here for more than 45 minutes! Never mind.
Mmm-hmm.
No, I will not fill out any more forms! General admissions is this way.
And there she is, in the fur coat.
This is ridiculous! I demand to see the administrator! Will you please stop screaming, Ms.
Newberg? Oh, joy.
Can't wait to meet her.
Oh.
That Ms.
Newberg.
You know her? Of her.
They call her Newparts Newberg.
Are you even listening to me? Uh, Ms.
Newberg? Are you the administrator? No, I'm Hank.
Oh, good.
I hear wonderful things.
Great.
This is Divya.
I'm his physician assistant.
She's not my physician assistant.
I need your help, Hank.
Ms.
Newberg, you're in a hospital.
No.
This is not a hospital.
It's not? It's a socialist conspiracy.
Apparently, if you're not holding your dismembered leg in your hand, you don't require treatment.
There's a line based on medical necessity, and you belong at the back of it.
Lines are for the citiots.
What's a citiot? It's what we call you people who come out just for the weekend.
Thank you.
Ms.
Newberg, what's your emergency? I've got a flat tire.
Okay.
I'm not AAA.
No.
A flat tire.
Oh.
Dear.
I spent the entire off-season on this project.
I waited months to debut these two saline gems on the beach this weekend, and I wake up this morning, and Flat tire.
That's a shame.
But it's not my area.
In fact, I shouldn't have even come here.
Look, the good news is, you'll be fine.
The saline is harmless, your body will simply absorb it.
Just wait your turn and the ER staff here will take good care of you, I'm sure.
Hank, let's help her.
No.
You must.
I'm sorry.
Please.
I can't go around looking like this in the Hamptons, like some high-society circus freak.
What am I supposed to do with this? Hang beach towels on this thing? I mean, they're supposed to come in pairs.
I have no privileges at this hospital.
In fact, me even standing here consulting with you is probably 12 different kinds of illegal.
And I have no equipment or facilities of my own.
Well, I can get us everything we need.
Well, your assistant seems very confident.
She's not my assistant.
Offer to pay him generously.
Divya! He needs the money.
I'll pay any amount.
That's not the point.
I'll pay enough money to make it the point.
Ms.
Newberg I don't take "no" for an answer.
Take it or leave it.
It's my answer.
Have a great day.
Can I be of any help here? You already had your chance.
Nice to see you again, Ms.
Newberg.
This is Hank, my private physician.
I'm not her private physician.
We kind of met Jill Casey.
Hospital administrator.
Hank Lawson.
Uh, between jobs.
Nice to meet you, Dr.
Lawson.
Can we confer a moment one on one, please? Yeah.
Sure.
He's very selective about his clientele, but I think he likes you.
So, you're the new concierge doctor in town? No, no, no.
No, I'm not.
I can explain this.
No.
Don't.
In fact, I just want to thank you for taking that frequent flyer off our hands.
You do? Yeah.
She storms in here every time one of her, uh, renovations goes awry, and she expects to leapfrog over dozens of people with staph infections and skull fractures, chest pains Well.
You know what comes into an ER, I'm sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
So, you gonna fix her flat tire? Like I'm AAA.
When I said consultation, I was thinking some place a little more private.
Well, you don't mind, do you? I've just got a couple of things I've got to pick up in town.
Besides, I'm not shy.
Oh, right.
So, come on.
Let's cut to the chase, Hank.
Okay.
Okay.
Hey.
Where are you going? Saline, not silicone.
Right.
Single-lumen? Yes.
Volume? Um, 900 ccs.
you can buy without going to the custom market.
I don't do anything half-assed, dear.
Uh, excuse me a moment, please.
Yes, Mother.
Yes, I'll be at the polo match with you and Father.
So, she didn't buy off the rack.
Look.
Assuming you could even find us a place to do this, where the hell are we going to get custom parts? It would take time.
Time she'd spend walking around like a high-society circus freak.
Symmetry is the key to beauty.
Hey.
You have some local anesthetic and a needle in the car? I do.
Okay, there is the opposite solution.
I don't follow you.
If we can't refill the flat tire We can just flatten the other one.
It will even her out.
Oh, we can do that procedure anywhere.
In the comfort of her own home.
She's not going to like this one bit.
I know.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Ms.
Newberg? We've got some good news and some bad news.
Well, I think the procedure went very well, Ms.
Newberg.
You look incredible.
Just as CFO of HankMed, I need a billing address.
Bill me in Manhattan, Palm Beach, Aspen Anywhere but here.
This is my sanctuary.
Got it.
Hank.
Darling.
Wonder man! Although I did waste an entire winter of self-beautification.
But you're out of the circus.
I'm out of the circus.
And another satisfied HankMed customer.
HankMed? I would be so delighted if you all came to my beach party tonight, the one I thought I was going to have to cancel.
No, thank you.
I appreciate it, but I love beach parties.
It's weird.
Like, I think about them when I'm not even at them.
Perfect.
We make a hell of a team, too.
CFO of HankMed? Yeah.
HankMed.
Has kind of a ring to it, right? I have time until next tax season, plus the social perks of this job should be killer.
I'd like to discuss my title, Hank.
There are no titles.
There is no team.
There is no HankMed.
I'm sorry, guys.
I just don't think I can do this.
So, where does that leave us? At goodbye.
Hank.
Nice meeting you, Divya.
Hank, Hank, Hank, Hank.
Yeah.
You, too.
Hey.
Okay, how do I look? You look like an Olympic swimmer from Queeristan.
Is that a good or a bad thing? You're not really going to go like that, are you? Too much? Way.
Okay.
I suspected that.
Come to the party, okay? Come on.
It's an evening with Newparts Newberg.
Like, how exclusive does that sound? Consider me excluded.
What are you going to do here? Relax.
Think.
Okay.
Cool.
Well, think hard.
Or not too hard.
Whatever is better for me.
But just so you know, as your brother and accountant Get out or you'll cease to be either one.
Bam.
I love you.
I like you.
Have fun with your thoughts.
Dude, you're killing me.
How is it you can penetrate a heavily guarded castle and not your own motel room? Hey.
Hey.
Um, I'm sure you're wondering how I tracked you down.
No, I stopped wondering that out here.
Well, I hope I'm not intruding.
Actually, Ms.
Newberg came by.
She has a goiter the size of Montauk.
Uh, Dr.
Lawson, I wanted to Hank.
Hank.
Hank.
Um You know, I know a place down on the beach.
Do you want to grab a bite? Everybody loves Chewy's.
Yeah, I know.
It looks good.
The best.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Thanks, Chewy.
Thanks.
So, tell me about this little enterprise that you're building.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, no.
I haven't actually decided to build anything, yet.
Can I ask you something? As medical professionals, do you think we are who we care for? You know, we're not all movie stars and moguls out here.
We do have some ordinary folk like busboys and plumbers, electricians Yeah.
I saw the contractor with the lower back injury Yeah.
and the older woman with the asthmatic bronchitis.
The kind of people that keep this place running.
If it weren't for them, the VIPs wouldn't be able to tell the difference between East Hampton and East Newark.
Hey.
Easy on Jersey.
Oh.
Uh That was me being easy on Jersey.
Oh! Anyway, you know, they're mainly the people that come into my ER 'cause, well, I mean, they get sick and injured, too.
But Right.
None of that matters.
The only thing that matters at the end of the day is that these people need help, and if I don't help them, who will? Exactly.
Not your old boss in Brooklyn.
My grad school has a tight-knit alumni network and I asked around.
Huh, I guess you can't escape your past.
Yours won't follow you for too long.
What do you mean? Well, the kid was obviously the sicker patient, and to have a cardiac tamponade during an angio is kind of like having your gas tank explode when you're filling her up.
You triaged by the book.
It was bad luck, not a bad call.
How could you possibly Thank you.
And if I were the hospital administrator there, I would have had your back all the way.
Yeah.
And you would have been fired, too.
Gladly, because I think what happened to you is unacceptable, Hank, and we need to change the things that we can't accept.
Yeah.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
So, what were you, a nice normal girl, doing at a party like that last night? I'm raising money for a local free clinic.
Oh.
Yeah.
And Boris has been very generous.
Oh.
So, you know where to find me.
Well, I know where you work, what you drive, where you go for clams.
I mean, I guess I could go back to Chewy's and just kind of, you know, sit there, waiting for you, but it might take a while.
And now you have my number.
Hey, it's Hank.
How are you feeling, pal? Good as new, thanks to you.
Glad to hear that, Tucker.
They may release me tomorrow, actually, but they said I'll need follow-up.
All right.
Well, when your dad gets back next Actually, uh Actually, he extended his trip.
By how much? Uh, the rest of the summer.
Oh.
Well, I extended mine, too.
So give me a call when you get back.
Great.
So you can do my follow-up? And so we can, you know, fly your model planes in the backyard.
Sounds great, dude.
Can't wait.
Okay.
Bye.
Later, man.
Ah-ha! The good doctor.
What a pleasant surprise.
What can I do for you? So, I was wondering about that possible vacancy you mentioned.
Yes? Your timing is impeccable, Hank.
Feels like all people do out here is knock on each other's doors.
The only thing knocking here, Hank, is opportunity.
Dr.
Hot Shot.
Those observant eyes of yours, you'd better keep them open wide, 'cause you ain't seen nothing, yet.