Royal Pains s03e14 Episode Script
Bottoms Up
Previously on Royal Pains To the future Mrs.
Evan R.
Lawson and the future Mr.
Paige Collins.
And next date, no helmets.
There's not going to be a next date.
I am looking for a game tomorrow.
Are you interested? If we're clear it's golf - Not a date.
- Did I say date? - I got your blood results back.
- Uh-huh.
The anti-DNA test came back positive for lupus.
In your profession, positive is a negative thing.
Jack, we can fight this together.
Okay, well, we can fight it together later.
I've got a lesson.
Jack's protein's up past three.
His lupus is more advanced than we thought.
It's attacking his kidneys.
- Want to grab a bite after? - Uh Yeah.
Sure.
And, by the way, you're fired.
You're resorting to distracting me? I must be getting better.
You're serious.
Yes.
Look, you know what? Don't take it personally, okay? You know, you're the one who insisted "oh, I got to go see a nephrologist!" So I did, but my insurance won't cover two GPS.
That's why I haven't been getting any new reports from Dr.
Greene.
Yes.
By the way, she's she's great.
She's kind.
She's thorough.
Basically she's you in a dress.
- I'm seeing her tomorrow morning.
- Ye-ah! Hello! You know, I'm sorry, but you, uh, [laughs.]
you kind of screwed yourself out of a job there, Panky.
Look, I don't care about billing, and I want to stay in the loop.
I mean, you need to keep me on as a medical caddy, you know? To give a second opinion when challenges come up.
I think it's cute that you use a golf term to try to persuade me.
I'm trying to get you to take your health as seriously as your golf game.
Mm-hmm.
Yoo-hoo-hoo! [Groans.]
Yeah, doh, whoa! Look out! You know as fascinating as my creatinine levels might be, I don't feel the need to discuss them twice.
You said you wanted to be my friend.
Be my friend.
You know how to be a friend, don't you, doc? [Clears throat.]
For you, Jackie boy, I'll give it a shot.
[Cell phone pings.]
Hello.
Oh - Is everything okay? - Better than okay.
Because the bluefin tuna are running off of Grant's Island.
Want to go fishing tomorrow morning? Uh, didn't you just say you have an appointment with Dr.
Greene tomorrow morning? Yeah, right.
Well, maybe the tuna will hang around for a while.
Wow, you know even less about fishing than you do about golf.
"After a 15-year absence from the stage," "Gleason is now engaging in a surprisingly modest," "if not feeble attempt to rehabilitate himself" "with a return to the theater as bottom" "in the up-and-coming Hamptons theatre festival's" "production of A Midsummer Night's Dream.
" "Will it spotlight Gleason, the poet we once admired," "or show us more of the Hollywood lunatic and lover" "we've sadly come to expect?" [Grunts.]
Bottoms up, K.
J.
Golan.
[Glass clanks.]
[Groans.]
It's it's a real honor and a thrill to have you with us, Mr.
Gleason.
Lovely to meet you.
Yes, do please you call me Gabe.
I'm so excited to be directing here.
- This way.
This - Okay.
Um, I grew up in the Hamptons, so I jumped at the chance to help put this festival on the map.
Oh, watch out, Williamstown.
[Murmur through cell phone.]
Yes, Mr.
Gleason has arrived.
We will have his costume fitting right after we finish rehearsal.
Once the community caught wind that you were performing here, we sold out in a day.
Oh, well, I'm sure they're equally thrilled to see you.
[Panting.]
I heard you made quite a splash at La Jolla.
Not many directors act - at least not well.
- Am I walking too fast? Not at all.
I like moving quickly.
Well, since we open tomorrow night, we're counting on it.
Oh, yes, I'm so sorry, again, about my late entrance.
My film shoot went over.
Oh, I'm not worried.
You've played the role before.
Nevertheless, I shall be at your service.
If there's anything else you need, please don't hesitate to ask me.
This good-luck charm is all I need.
After all your success, you're still superstitious.
Aren't we all? [Gasps.]
[Wheezing breaths.]
Can you please, please, please, please just take a break so we can go to lunch? Come on, I'm starving.
I'm [Groans.]
I can I can literally, I can feel my blood sugar dropping.
Sorry, I just I need to finish this.
Besides, I thought the actors only got a 30-minute break.
We couldn't even go anywhere.
Paige, I have one line at the end of the play.
And it's a three-hour play.
Come on, let's go.
- Come on.
- Evan, I I'm sorry, I just, look, I've been painting sets here every summer for years.
But this time it's different.
I have a chance to impress Julie Sharp.
She's a Parsons alum.
A letter of rec from her would really help my application.
I get it.
I get it.
Good luck.
Evan, you can't say that in the theater! "Good luck" is bad luck.
- You have to say "break a leg.
" - Okay! I'm sorry, it was a slip.
It's not like I said MacBeth.
I'm You just said MacBeth.
Okay, stop.
Stop! We have to go outside, turn around three times, and spit.
Paige, we are outside.
I get dizzy easily.
And technically, I think we have to turn around nine times.
It's just a superstition.
Come on.
It's, uh it's oh, I said MacBeth! MacBeth, MacBe it's I cursed the show! I said "MacBeth!" It's ridiculous.
Help! We have an emergency.
Call a doctor! [The Blue Van's Independence.]
My independence went away.
I didn't listen when it said rely on yourself trusting someone else is a path for the silent ghost Royal Pains 3x14 - Bottoms Up Original air date February 8, 2012 We were just about to start rehearsal when she - passed out.
- I just got light-headed.
Did you hit your head when you fell? - No.
- Bp is 110 over 70.
Which is normal.
Look, I'm fine now.
[Hyperventilates.]
Whoa.
Wh okay, okay.
Okay, easy.
[Gauge hits ground.]
Easy.
Here we go.
Divya, would you give me a scalpel? - Yeah.
- Thank you.
Dude, what are you going to do to her? - Thank you.
- What [expansive breathing.]
Julie, can you grab me a shirt, please? Deep breaths, that's it.
Slowly come up.
Here we go.
- Here.
- Your corset was laced so tight that you became anxious and then started to hyperventilate, causing you to faint.
Yeah, maybe next time you just go with spanx.
- Thank you.
Thanks.
- Of course.
Just take a few minutes.
And join us back at rehearsal when you're ready.
I really appreciate - you getting here so quickly.
- Yeah, yeah.
It's what we do.
Oh, my gosh.
Wow.
For a second there, I thought I'd cursed the show.
Dare I ask how you may have done that? I said MacBeth.
Oh, my God! Why do I keep saying that? Maybe your corset's too tight.
- Why can't you say MacBeth? - No, no! - Shh! Just - What? It is considered taboo to say in a theater.
It can curse a production.
You have to call it "The Scottish Play.
" I know.
Divya, you may find it hard to believe, I I actually was once kind of a serious thespian.
Yeah, he begged me to leave gross anatomy early so I could see him in the title role of Pirates of Penzance.
He played a pirate.
That was freshman year.
I was just in it for the girls then.
But I I played much bigger roles after that.
I I was Banquo in MacBeth.
Oh, my God! - Someone tape my mouth shut.
- I will.
Oh, good.
You're still here.
They need to see you on stage.
Lysander can't see.
[Spitting.]
So what happened, exactly? Uh, one of the fairies was sprinkling a little "love-in-idleness" on my eyes, and some got in my eye.
A little what in what? "Love-in-idleness.
" It's an enchanted juice that makes people fall in love.
It's my favorite play.
- Mmm.
- Except we don't use juice.
We use fairy dust.
Or, in your case, glitter.
It looks like you have a corneal foreign body that didn't wash out.
It's a delicate procedure and needs to be removed in a more sterile environment.
Well, I'll take him to Hamptons Heritage.
Thanks, Divya.
Okay.
[Background chatter.]
Oh.
[Clears throat.]
Now am I dead, now am I fled.
My soul is in the sky.
Tongue, lose thy light.
Moon, take flight.
Now die Die [Groans.]
Die Die [Gurgling.]
[Grunts.]
Die! [Grunts.]
Okay.
[Applause.]
Nice rehearsal.
Nice work, Gabe.
Let's take a little break, and then we'll come back at the top of act five - in about half an hour.
- Oof.
You need a little help there, bud? Oh [Grunts.]
Thank you.
Hey, are you okay? - I'm a doctor.
[Panting.]
- Oh.
Could you meet me in my dressing room - in a few minutes? - Yeah, yeah, sure.
Thank you.
Um, in in gratitude for your warm welcome, I brought you all a little gift.
"A quart of ale is a dish for a king.
" Go! May you all be kings.
[Laughter, applause.]
There goes act five.
Yep.
Definitely something stuck in there.
But I got it.
I'll call ophthalmology for your follow up.
They'll prescribe some antibiotic eye drops.
And, uh, maybe I can find you an old-school eye patch.
You can be the pirate fairy.
I'm not a fairy.
You're wearing tights.
Hey! Since you're not working here anymore, you must miss me.
Why don't you finally accept a date instead of just bringing me patients? - I told you - As friends.
Just friends a friend date.
- Wha what? - Well, it looks like you got a little fairy dust sprinkled on you too.
Either that, or you went crazy with the body glitter this morning.
You know what that means.
"The juice of it on sleeping eyelids laid," "will make or man or woman madly dote," "upon the next live creature that it sees.
" Is that from Zombieland? No! It's Shakespeare.
It it's Midsummer Night's Dream.
Oh! Hey, I saw a poster for that.
You know, might be a nice outing for a couple of friends.
What do you say? I'm already going with a friend.
I'll be back.
Your loss, Katdare.
Please don't ask.
I am so glad that you agreed to join me on Saturday.
Yeah, about that Would you hate me forever if I bailed? What? You're not a fan of the bard? Who's the bard? - You just answered my question.
- No I just got an offer that's a little bit more my speed.
And besides, you do not want to have to spend the whole evening explaining the play to me.
No, no, that's fine, you know? I'll just sit there.
By myself.
Pathetically.
I'm sorry.
You know what? I don't have to go.
- I don't have to go.
- I'm kidding.
Go.
I will just return the second ticket - to the box office.
- Okay.
Okay.
It'll just be a couple of minutes before the picture comes up.
Here you go.
Is this a Hamptons theatre initiation prank? Close.
Part of the pulmonary function test.
The spirometer measures the amount of air entering and leaving your lungs.
If you could open, please? Good.
Now I need you to inhale to your maximum.
Now exhale quickly and completely till there's no air left in your lungs.
Keep blowing.
Keep blowing.
Keep blowing.
Good.
[Gasps.]
Okay, your expiratory volume and flow look great.
As does your forced vital capacity.
And they say Elizabethan English is opaque.
Okay, in other words, no signs of pulmonary disease.
[Keys clicking.]
And there's no hyperinflation or destroyed tissue in your lungs.
Actually, I'm feeling pretty spry now.
Um Sorry.
How rude of me.
Did you want one? The truck's here for the afternoon.
No thank you.
On duty.
And for that matter, so are you.
Ah, yes.
But unlike a doctor, spirits are part of an actor's life.
A veritable prerequisite.
Plus, I'm Irish.
[Lighter clicks.]
Listen, Gabe, um I know it's been a while since you've performed live.
But I don't think the cigars and the booze are going to help your performance or your health.
Have you seen me perform live? - No.
- Then how do you know? Oh, all right.
[Car engine stops.]
[Beep.]
Uh, good morning.
- Is everything okay in there? - No.
No, I, um I just I found out that the Mets lost.
That's six in a row.
And now they're trading their number one pitcher, so why do I even bother? Yes.
I program my car to follow the Mets.
Now you think I'm a freak.
I think you're a fan.
Welcome to the club.
Oh.
Okay.
Hey, um, have you seen Jack lately? We played 18 yesterday, not that he considers what I do on a golf course playing.
Wow.
I'm glad to hear he's in such good spirits.
Patients with his numbers are usually pretty weak and lethargic.
Wait.
Have his numbers changed? His B.
U.
N.
and creatinine are rising, and his glomerular filtration rate is way down.
That's why he has an appointment with you today.
With me and a surgeon.
He's coming in to have an arteriovenous fistula installed - in prep for starting dialysis.
- Dialysis? - I assumed you knew.
- No, I didn't.
Jack's disease is really progressing fast, Hank.
Um, I'll see you later.
Yeah.
Yes, Jack.
It is a simple surgery.
But you will be anesthetized.
I'll give you a lift.
Do not make me fire you as my friend also.
Man, you really do suck at this.
What? Friends give friends rides.
Yeah, well, I don't need hand-holding.
So I'll keep both hands on the wheel.
I'll just drive you home.
No good-night kiss.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Oh, wait, um, do you hear that sound? - What sound? - I don't know.
It sounds like a beep or something.
No, I don't hear [Beep.]
[Laughs.]
Ready to reel in some tunnies? Are you? It sounds like you have some other obligations.
Yeah, well, nothing trumps bluefin, though.
Agreed? I don't know.
Are you a troller? Or do you chunk? Um I'm flexible.
[Laughs.]
Let's go fishing.
- Let's go fishing! - Yes.
Ah! Glad to see you relaxing.
You look like you're feeling better.
Wrong on both counts.
I'm working hard.
[Belches.]
Feeling lousy [Sniffs.]
Bloated.
Hmm.
Any chest pains? Ah, I'm hoping it's heartburn.
Well, have you been eating any greasy foods? No, I've been off the fat since I started prepping for the demands of the stage.
Believe it or not, I've lost half a stone.
That's Seven pounds.
Good for you.
But you do still drink and smoke cigars.
Well, I'm not up for sainthood.
But I have cut back since our last chat.
Look, I'm concerned that you're bloated, because that could be a sign of heart problems.
Now, I'd like to take you for a full cardiac work up.
Not today, doctor.
The stage manager's on his way over to help me run lines.
We open tonight.
What if we could, as Shakespeare said, "kill two birds with one stone"? Ovid actually coined that one.
What did you have in mind? [Panting.]
Why do they run away this is knavery of them to make me afeared.
"Oh, bottom, thou art changed!" "What do I see on thee?" What do you see? You see an ass-head of your own, do you? [Emoting.]
Well, "bless thee bottom, bless thee!" "Thou art translated.
" [Panting.]
"I see" Don't tell me! Okay, tell me.
"I see their knavery" I see their knavery.
This is to make an ass of me.
[Normal voice.]
Speaking of asses mine's throbbing.
How long do I have to ride this thing? Oh, oh, sorry.
You were done a few seconds ago.
I just I got caught up in the story.
What happens next? Well, the, uh the queen of the fairies, - she sees him as an ass.
- Uh-huh.
- And she falls in love.
- You do know the play.
Yeah! Well, yeah, I'm not just a bit player, as you may have guessed.
[Sighs.]
Yeah, the road not taken and all.
It's a rare man, once bitten, who can surrender the spotlight.
Yes.
Some would say he hasn't.
The stage is a stern mistress.
When I started making films, I promised myself that I wouldn't sell out squander my gift.
That I could make money, return to my first love and still prove worthy.
"Prove worthy"? Dude, your clayface the best thing in the last Batman movie, easy.
Sadly true.
Tell me, do you detect any cardiac issues? Uh, well, we have to wait to get your cardiac enzymes back from the lab.
But I see no evidence of coronary artery disease.
- Awesome.
- So it's only my deep-seated insecurity keeping me up nights.
Do you have insomnia? Only when I try to sleep.
The indigestion doesn't help.
I think you're suffering from acid reflux.
Which can be stress-induced.
So, how 'bout I write a prescription for Prevacid, we hold off on predicting your performance will fail, and let the show go on? - Divya.
What a surprise! - Raj.
Well, not really a surprise.
I know how you love this play.
- I do.
- I was actually going to call you.
I will have another check for your parents very soon.
No, no.
Not about that.
I knew you'd be attending opening night.
You know me so well.
I didn't want to presume how you might feel, but I'm bringing someone to the play.
I knew we might run into you, and I didn't want it to be awkward.
- You have a date! - Yes! Good! That's good.
My gosh, I'm so happy.
No, of course it's not a problem.
- Next in line, please.
- Great.
- We'll see you then.
- Yes, you will.
Next in line.
[Keys clicking.]
Dr.
Van Dyke here.
Leave a message.
[Beep.]
V.
D.
! Katdare, here.
Call me.
So I figured, since you can't out to eat, I would bring the nourishment to you.
Okay, I'm so glad you're here.
- I'm dying to tell you - Paige, if Evan doesn't mind stepping on with you, - we need to test the platform.
- Okay.
Absolutely.
- Jump on, Evan.
- Onto the onto the thing? - Come on.
- The thing's going to hold - both of us? - Well, it better.
It's got to hold a flock of fairies.
Wow.
Well, given the fact that I've cursed the show [motor hums.]
I have a little bit of ah! - Okay.
- Okay.
So, you know how I was hoping to make an impression on Julie? Yes.
You mean, Hankmed healing three of her actors didn't do the job? Well, she's been offered a gig eight weeks in Stratford.
And if she accepts it, she wants me to go with her as her scenic artist.
- What? - Yeah! That's amazing.
I knew she'd be impressed.
That's amazing! And with my mom doing so much better, this is something I could actually do.
Absolutely.
And Connecticut's so close.
I could, like, bring you lunch every day.
Oh, no no no, it's not Stratford, Connecticut, it's Stratford-upon-Avon.
- England.
- Yeah.
Well, that's not so close.
No, but you could come visit.
It's our busiest time of year.
Well, it's it's just eight weeks.
Eight weeks is two whole months, though.
That's a sixth of the year.
That's the rest of the summer.
- Okay, we're coming down.
- Okay.
Yeah, you know what? That's too long.
That's too long.
And I don't want to bite off more than I'm ready for.
You know, Julie hasn't even accepted this yet, so it's probably not even going to happen.
So never mind, never mind.
Red leather, yellow leather.
Good blood, bad blood.
Culligan and Calla Lily.
Culligan and Calla Lily.
Okay, blood pressure, heart and lungs are fine.
You're good to go.
Uh, right.
Thanks for everything.
[Grunts.]
Um are you still having reflux? Oh, no.
Just plain old butterflies.
All right.
Well, it's not easy for a doctor to say this, but break a leg.
[Groans.]
[Whimpers.]
[Retches.]
Manala, melele, mee meenee mo oo-aa-yah Why are you doing that? It's called vocalizing.
I'm I'm warming up.
You have one line three hours from now.
But nice tunic.
Why are you back here? Uh, Paige is supposed to sit next to me, but she's putting the finishing touches - on her finishing touches.
- Well, she's an artist, Hank.
- You wouldn't understand.
- Well, it looks gorgeous.
Yeah, I know.
The director wants her to do a job in England.
That's fantastic.
Yeah, it's probably not going to pan out, but it's definitely an honor to be asked, though.
Why won't it pan out? Um, because it's for two months.
And she's got her mind on school in the fall.
Two months is only eight weeks.
What could go wrong in eight weeks? - Are you kidding? - No.
That's 60 whole days with us apart.
Plus she'll be in the theater community, surrounded by actors and artists.
Ev, you told her to go, right? I didn't tell her anything.
I mean, I'll support whatever she decides.
The whole Parsons thing is me supporting her.
Well, yeah.
Design school in Manhattan is pretty easy to support.
What are you getting at? Look, this sounds like a great opportunity for Paige.
But you know how she is.
Pray tell.
She puts everyone she cares about first.
This is her decision.
I bet she can make you believe that.
- Hey! - Hi.
Nice work, Paige.
This looks awesome.
Thank you.
I just pray the trees dry in time and look okay under the lights.
I don't want to let Julie or anyone down, you know? [Soft gong.]
Oh! - We got to get going.
- Oh, okay.
- Let's grab our seats.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, break your femur.
You're going to be great.
Really.
[Softly.]
I love you.
[Trumpet fanfare.]
Four days will quickly steep themselves in night four nights will quickly dream away the time and then the moon, like to a silver bow new-bent in heaven, shall behold the night of our solemnities.
Go, Philostrate, stir up the Athenian youth to merriments an' I will hide my face, let me play Thisby too I'll speak in a monstrous little voice [Deep voice.]
Thisne, Thisne.
[Falsetto voice.]
Ah, Pyramus, my lover dear, Thisby dear, and lady dear [Sighs.]
Through the forest have I gone, but Athenian found I none, on whose eyes I might approve this flower's force in stirring love.
When thou wak'st, let love forbid sleep his seat on thy eyelid.
So awake when I am gone.
[Muted cry.]
All: [Gasp.]
For I must to Oberon! [Muted laughter.]
[Applause.]
Okay, drinks.
My favorite part so far.
Divya, I want you to meet Karen.
Karen, so nice to meet you.
Divya, I've heard all about you.
Paul, this is Karen and Raj.
Karen, Raj.
Oh! Raj! A pleasure.
Dr.
Paul Van Dyke.
So, is everyone as lost as I am? That depends.
How many glasses of champagne have you had? I mean the play.
The, uh, the fairies are all mad about some changeling? Who, I guess, is the chick with the legs? No.
No, that's puck.
It is confusing.
The changeling isn't even on stage.
Uh, it's a reference to the past.
Oh, she knows the play.
K.
J.
covers theater for The Star.
- You're K.
J.
Golan? - Mmm.
I love your reviews.
- Thank you.
- Shall we? I'm running to the ladies they're doing the long version.
Whoa, long version? We need refills.
[Both laugh.]
She's lovely, Raj.
Thanks to you, I'm in love for the first time.
I'm so happy for you.
I would never have had the courage to end our arrangement.
You gave me the chance to move on.
And you have.
I'm afraid you've blown your Achilles tendon.
- I was just hopping.
- Yeah, well that's - how it happens.
- Well, get me up on crutches.
We have two acts to go.
Sorry.
Rest, elevation, ice.
I need to splint your leg, and you're not going to be able to put any weight on it.
- You could risk permanent damage.
- This can't be happening.
My understudy called in sick.
I swear, this production was cursed.
Evan.
- What? - He knows the part.
He played puck.
In in high school.
You've been watching all week, spouting lines.
Yeah, the ones I remember.
Ah, it's worth a shot.
He might pull it off.
He read with me.
He's certainly got the, uh - Chops? - Was going to say "balls.
" - But either way.
- We could announce a substitution, but everyone might leave.
Oh, they'll stay! It's high drama watching someone step out on the tightrope, unprepared.
Okay, I mean, as much as I would love to help I really would I just I won't remember all the lines.
You may not have to.
Some man or other must present wall and hold his fingers thus, and through that cranny must Pyramus and Thisby whisper.
What hempen homespuns have we swaggering here? So near the cradle the cradle of the fairy queen.
[Laughter.]
- Everybody - Everyone [Overlapping shouting.]
[Laughs.]
Yum, yum, yum.
Num, num, num.
So much for non-fat.
I should have asked about bottom's diet.
Yeah, bottom's a pig.
[Groaning.]
What angel wakes me from my flowering bed? - Hee-haw.
- I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again [grunts.]
Uh, [clears throat.]
Monsieur Cobweb, get you your weapons and find me [Gasping.]
a red-hipped bumble-bee.
And bring me the honey pot.
And good monsieur [Gasping.]
take care the honey pot break not.
[Groans.]
Ow.
He eats and then he lies down? What's wrong? [Whispering.]
Divya.
Wilt thou at ninny's tomb meet me straightway? Here, here.
Drink this.
- What's wrong? - You were short of breath after lying down, before exerting yourself.
- Oh! - Are you having pain? - Maybe! - We need to take an X-ray.
- You already have an X-ray.
- Sitting up.
- We need one lying down.
- Ah! Don't worry.
You won't miss your cue.
I think a hiatal hernia's causing your symptoms.
- A what hernia? - Hiatal.
The stomach slides up into the chest through a tear in the diaphragm, when you lie down.
When you stand up, it slides back in place, so it wouldn't have shown on the first X-ray.
But am I in any danger? It's usually not emergent.
But I've seen what you do next.
You die on stage.
And if you lie down, you may not have the breath to get up at all.
I can adjust.
Oh, wherefore, nature, didst though lions frame? Thus die I.
Thus, thus, thus.
Thus, blah.
[Laughter.]
We really didn't go to all this trouble just for a hiatal hernia, - did we? - He looks distressed.
I thought we should rule out more emergent conditions.
Now, die! Khhhh! Die! [Laughter.]
Die! Die! [Laughter.]
[Groans.]
Die! [Blows.]
[Laughter, applause.]
If we don't get him to surgery now, his stomach will perforate.
Oh, my God.
He really could die.
[Elizabethan dance music.]
- Ooh! - Okay, okay.
We have to get you to the hospital.
Your X-ray showed a hiatal hernia.
But this time it couldn't slide back in place.
A section of your stomach twisted and got stuck in your chest cavity.
It's called a gastric volvulus.
You need immediate surgery before the twisted portion ruptures.
What? My stomach could burst? - Oh, God! - How how's the pain? - Worse! - Okay.
I'm sorry you'll miss your ovation, but an ambulance is on its way.
Oh, bottom will miss the applause, but I have a lot invested in this belly.
Good, let's go.
[Groans.]
Here we go.
[Puffing.]
If we shadows have offended, think but this, and all is mended, that you have but slumber'd here while these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme And this weak and idle theme "No more yielding but a dream" no more yielding but a dream.
Gentles, do not Reprehend.
Do not Repre [Transmitter beeps.]
[Crickets chirping.]
[Whispering.]
Oh, my God.
Gentles gentles, do not gentles [Indistinct whispering.]
[Aloud.]
Gentles gentles, do not Reprehend! Reprehend! If you pardon, we shall mend.
And as I am an honest puck, if we have unearned luck now to 'scape [yells.]
the serpent's tongue, we will make amends ere long.
Else the puck a liar call so, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends, and Robin shall restore amends.
[Applause, cheering.]
[Elizabethan dance music.]
So how happy are you I was there when you ran into your ex? I mean, sure, his date was a hottie, but the second they heard "doctor," you were back on even ground.
I wasn't trying to make Raj jealous.
And I certainly do not want him back.
No, but I do want what he has.
I want to be happy.
[Keys jingle.]
Me too.
I am so sorry.
I was talking to you as a friend.
We said that we were friends, remember? We could try Pretending? Trust me, I have been very good at it since I was a little girl.
But now I want something real.
As much as I've enjoyed being with you tonight, as my friend I think that you want something more.
More than I do.
Okay.
Your loss, Katdare.
- To the best puck ever.
- And to saving the very play that you'd cursed.
[Laughter.]
[Glasses clink.]
And my favorite part? Your performance - was injury-free.
- Nice.
Well, thank you, guys.
Yeah.
Um I wish I had committed more to that "morning lark" line.
Look, Ev, I know I never took your acting seriously, but it turns out you got some real chops.
I mean, you were very good.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
If you had taken it seriously, you might not have a CFO right now.
- Really? - W w wait.
You quit acting because I made fun of you? No.
You were just so responsible about your future.
Remember telling me, "we're on our own now.
" "We got to take care of ourselves.
" Yeah.
I wanted to be responsible too.
That's why I went into econ definitely not for the girls.
Wow, I really had influence over you.
I should make fun of you more often.
Coffee.
[Cell phone pings.]
Okay.
[Evan groans.]
- What's wrong? - Um, it's Julie.
She's taking that job in Stratford, and it starts next week.
She wants me to join her.
You know, I'm just going to let her know right away - that I can't.
- You can.
You can.
Will I miss you? Like crazy.
Like I don't even want to imagine how much.
But this is your life.
It's our life.
You are going to be in demand, because you're awesome.
So we better get used to being apart, off and on.
Hopefully more on than off.
But you can't turn this down.
I won't let you.
It's your midsummer dream.
So call her back, say yes and just make sure she knows how lucky she is to have you.
Almost as lucky as I am to have you.
Okay, I'm going to call her.
Thank you.
- All right.
- All right.
Looks like you triumphed.
- Indeed.
- Well, your surgery also got rave reviews.
You should be back to normal in no time.
The bad news? Well, unfortunately, "in no time" is going to be a few weeks.
You won't be able to finish the run of the play.
At least I got to prove to myself I haven't lost my gift.
By all accounts, everyone else thinks you've still got it too.
I appreciate your faith in me, Frank.
It's Hank.
Thanks to your catch and this review, I'll be Broadway bound by fall.
[Cell phone pings.]
Ooh, Gabe, I got to run.
But save me a house seat.
Uh, balcony's fine.
[Indistinct murmuring.]
Wow, that was fast.
I was here seeing a patient.
Your text sounded urgent.
What's up? - Have you spoken to Jack? - Uh, no.
Something go wrong with his A.
V.
surgery? He never came in for the procedure.
- What? - And he hasn't returned any of my phone calls.
Hank, I'm worried that Jack is blowing off - his treatment all together.
- I should have stayed on his case, insisted I come with him for his surgery.
- Shoot.
- I've had plenty of patients who couldn't come to terms with their illnesses.
You can't change their minds for them.
They need to do it on their own.
I just I hope he comes to his senses sooner rather than later.
Jack said he wanted to go fishing.
Maybe I can find him.
You going to drag him in here kicking and screaming? If I have to.
You're really going above and beyond, Hank.
That's what friends are for.
Here you go.
Hey! Cuppa.
Both: Cheers.
See this, Casey? This right here's what I love about fishing.
Yeah.
We haven't snagged one bite since we got out here.
Casey, fishing is not about catching fish.
Okay.
But they taste good.
Yeah.
See, to me, golf golf is always just about golf.
But fishing fishing's about clearing your head, you know? When I came out here, I was running from something.
And now? Now I know I need to face the music.
Well, Jack, can you wait to face the music until we've at least reeled in one tuna? Yeah.
Yeah.
- What about you, Casey? - Hmm? What are you running from, huh? What's this South America all about? South America's about South America.
I'm not running away, I'm running straight into my future.
That's what I like about you, Casey.
You're always one step ahead of me.
Another time, another place? Another fishing hole.
Hey, um, do you want a jacket? - I'm freezing.
- I'm okay.
[Coughing.]
Evan R.
Lawson and the future Mr.
Paige Collins.
And next date, no helmets.
There's not going to be a next date.
I am looking for a game tomorrow.
Are you interested? If we're clear it's golf - Not a date.
- Did I say date? - I got your blood results back.
- Uh-huh.
The anti-DNA test came back positive for lupus.
In your profession, positive is a negative thing.
Jack, we can fight this together.
Okay, well, we can fight it together later.
I've got a lesson.
Jack's protein's up past three.
His lupus is more advanced than we thought.
It's attacking his kidneys.
- Want to grab a bite after? - Uh Yeah.
Sure.
And, by the way, you're fired.
You're resorting to distracting me? I must be getting better.
You're serious.
Yes.
Look, you know what? Don't take it personally, okay? You know, you're the one who insisted "oh, I got to go see a nephrologist!" So I did, but my insurance won't cover two GPS.
That's why I haven't been getting any new reports from Dr.
Greene.
Yes.
By the way, she's she's great.
She's kind.
She's thorough.
Basically she's you in a dress.
- I'm seeing her tomorrow morning.
- Ye-ah! Hello! You know, I'm sorry, but you, uh, [laughs.]
you kind of screwed yourself out of a job there, Panky.
Look, I don't care about billing, and I want to stay in the loop.
I mean, you need to keep me on as a medical caddy, you know? To give a second opinion when challenges come up.
I think it's cute that you use a golf term to try to persuade me.
I'm trying to get you to take your health as seriously as your golf game.
Mm-hmm.
Yoo-hoo-hoo! [Groans.]
Yeah, doh, whoa! Look out! You know as fascinating as my creatinine levels might be, I don't feel the need to discuss them twice.
You said you wanted to be my friend.
Be my friend.
You know how to be a friend, don't you, doc? [Clears throat.]
For you, Jackie boy, I'll give it a shot.
[Cell phone pings.]
Hello.
Oh - Is everything okay? - Better than okay.
Because the bluefin tuna are running off of Grant's Island.
Want to go fishing tomorrow morning? Uh, didn't you just say you have an appointment with Dr.
Greene tomorrow morning? Yeah, right.
Well, maybe the tuna will hang around for a while.
Wow, you know even less about fishing than you do about golf.
"After a 15-year absence from the stage," "Gleason is now engaging in a surprisingly modest," "if not feeble attempt to rehabilitate himself" "with a return to the theater as bottom" "in the up-and-coming Hamptons theatre festival's" "production of A Midsummer Night's Dream.
" "Will it spotlight Gleason, the poet we once admired," "or show us more of the Hollywood lunatic and lover" "we've sadly come to expect?" [Grunts.]
Bottoms up, K.
J.
Golan.
[Glass clanks.]
[Groans.]
It's it's a real honor and a thrill to have you with us, Mr.
Gleason.
Lovely to meet you.
Yes, do please you call me Gabe.
I'm so excited to be directing here.
- This way.
This - Okay.
Um, I grew up in the Hamptons, so I jumped at the chance to help put this festival on the map.
Oh, watch out, Williamstown.
[Murmur through cell phone.]
Yes, Mr.
Gleason has arrived.
We will have his costume fitting right after we finish rehearsal.
Once the community caught wind that you were performing here, we sold out in a day.
Oh, well, I'm sure they're equally thrilled to see you.
[Panting.]
I heard you made quite a splash at La Jolla.
Not many directors act - at least not well.
- Am I walking too fast? Not at all.
I like moving quickly.
Well, since we open tomorrow night, we're counting on it.
Oh, yes, I'm so sorry, again, about my late entrance.
My film shoot went over.
Oh, I'm not worried.
You've played the role before.
Nevertheless, I shall be at your service.
If there's anything else you need, please don't hesitate to ask me.
This good-luck charm is all I need.
After all your success, you're still superstitious.
Aren't we all? [Gasps.]
[Wheezing breaths.]
Can you please, please, please, please just take a break so we can go to lunch? Come on, I'm starving.
I'm [Groans.]
I can I can literally, I can feel my blood sugar dropping.
Sorry, I just I need to finish this.
Besides, I thought the actors only got a 30-minute break.
We couldn't even go anywhere.
Paige, I have one line at the end of the play.
And it's a three-hour play.
Come on, let's go.
- Come on.
- Evan, I I'm sorry, I just, look, I've been painting sets here every summer for years.
But this time it's different.
I have a chance to impress Julie Sharp.
She's a Parsons alum.
A letter of rec from her would really help my application.
I get it.
I get it.
Good luck.
Evan, you can't say that in the theater! "Good luck" is bad luck.
- You have to say "break a leg.
" - Okay! I'm sorry, it was a slip.
It's not like I said MacBeth.
I'm You just said MacBeth.
Okay, stop.
Stop! We have to go outside, turn around three times, and spit.
Paige, we are outside.
I get dizzy easily.
And technically, I think we have to turn around nine times.
It's just a superstition.
Come on.
It's, uh it's oh, I said MacBeth! MacBeth, MacBe it's I cursed the show! I said "MacBeth!" It's ridiculous.
Help! We have an emergency.
Call a doctor! [The Blue Van's Independence.]
My independence went away.
I didn't listen when it said rely on yourself trusting someone else is a path for the silent ghost Royal Pains 3x14 - Bottoms Up Original air date February 8, 2012 We were just about to start rehearsal when she - passed out.
- I just got light-headed.
Did you hit your head when you fell? - No.
- Bp is 110 over 70.
Which is normal.
Look, I'm fine now.
[Hyperventilates.]
Whoa.
Wh okay, okay.
Okay, easy.
[Gauge hits ground.]
Easy.
Here we go.
Divya, would you give me a scalpel? - Yeah.
- Thank you.
Dude, what are you going to do to her? - Thank you.
- What [expansive breathing.]
Julie, can you grab me a shirt, please? Deep breaths, that's it.
Slowly come up.
Here we go.
- Here.
- Your corset was laced so tight that you became anxious and then started to hyperventilate, causing you to faint.
Yeah, maybe next time you just go with spanx.
- Thank you.
Thanks.
- Of course.
Just take a few minutes.
And join us back at rehearsal when you're ready.
I really appreciate - you getting here so quickly.
- Yeah, yeah.
It's what we do.
Oh, my gosh.
Wow.
For a second there, I thought I'd cursed the show.
Dare I ask how you may have done that? I said MacBeth.
Oh, my God! Why do I keep saying that? Maybe your corset's too tight.
- Why can't you say MacBeth? - No, no! - Shh! Just - What? It is considered taboo to say in a theater.
It can curse a production.
You have to call it "The Scottish Play.
" I know.
Divya, you may find it hard to believe, I I actually was once kind of a serious thespian.
Yeah, he begged me to leave gross anatomy early so I could see him in the title role of Pirates of Penzance.
He played a pirate.
That was freshman year.
I was just in it for the girls then.
But I I played much bigger roles after that.
I I was Banquo in MacBeth.
Oh, my God! - Someone tape my mouth shut.
- I will.
Oh, good.
You're still here.
They need to see you on stage.
Lysander can't see.
[Spitting.]
So what happened, exactly? Uh, one of the fairies was sprinkling a little "love-in-idleness" on my eyes, and some got in my eye.
A little what in what? "Love-in-idleness.
" It's an enchanted juice that makes people fall in love.
It's my favorite play.
- Mmm.
- Except we don't use juice.
We use fairy dust.
Or, in your case, glitter.
It looks like you have a corneal foreign body that didn't wash out.
It's a delicate procedure and needs to be removed in a more sterile environment.
Well, I'll take him to Hamptons Heritage.
Thanks, Divya.
Okay.
[Background chatter.]
Oh.
[Clears throat.]
Now am I dead, now am I fled.
My soul is in the sky.
Tongue, lose thy light.
Moon, take flight.
Now die Die [Groans.]
Die Die [Gurgling.]
[Grunts.]
Die! [Grunts.]
Okay.
[Applause.]
Nice rehearsal.
Nice work, Gabe.
Let's take a little break, and then we'll come back at the top of act five - in about half an hour.
- Oof.
You need a little help there, bud? Oh [Grunts.]
Thank you.
Hey, are you okay? - I'm a doctor.
[Panting.]
- Oh.
Could you meet me in my dressing room - in a few minutes? - Yeah, yeah, sure.
Thank you.
Um, in in gratitude for your warm welcome, I brought you all a little gift.
"A quart of ale is a dish for a king.
" Go! May you all be kings.
[Laughter, applause.]
There goes act five.
Yep.
Definitely something stuck in there.
But I got it.
I'll call ophthalmology for your follow up.
They'll prescribe some antibiotic eye drops.
And, uh, maybe I can find you an old-school eye patch.
You can be the pirate fairy.
I'm not a fairy.
You're wearing tights.
Hey! Since you're not working here anymore, you must miss me.
Why don't you finally accept a date instead of just bringing me patients? - I told you - As friends.
Just friends a friend date.
- Wha what? - Well, it looks like you got a little fairy dust sprinkled on you too.
Either that, or you went crazy with the body glitter this morning.
You know what that means.
"The juice of it on sleeping eyelids laid," "will make or man or woman madly dote," "upon the next live creature that it sees.
" Is that from Zombieland? No! It's Shakespeare.
It it's Midsummer Night's Dream.
Oh! Hey, I saw a poster for that.
You know, might be a nice outing for a couple of friends.
What do you say? I'm already going with a friend.
I'll be back.
Your loss, Katdare.
Please don't ask.
I am so glad that you agreed to join me on Saturday.
Yeah, about that Would you hate me forever if I bailed? What? You're not a fan of the bard? Who's the bard? - You just answered my question.
- No I just got an offer that's a little bit more my speed.
And besides, you do not want to have to spend the whole evening explaining the play to me.
No, no, that's fine, you know? I'll just sit there.
By myself.
Pathetically.
I'm sorry.
You know what? I don't have to go.
- I don't have to go.
- I'm kidding.
Go.
I will just return the second ticket - to the box office.
- Okay.
Okay.
It'll just be a couple of minutes before the picture comes up.
Here you go.
Is this a Hamptons theatre initiation prank? Close.
Part of the pulmonary function test.
The spirometer measures the amount of air entering and leaving your lungs.
If you could open, please? Good.
Now I need you to inhale to your maximum.
Now exhale quickly and completely till there's no air left in your lungs.
Keep blowing.
Keep blowing.
Keep blowing.
Good.
[Gasps.]
Okay, your expiratory volume and flow look great.
As does your forced vital capacity.
And they say Elizabethan English is opaque.
Okay, in other words, no signs of pulmonary disease.
[Keys clicking.]
And there's no hyperinflation or destroyed tissue in your lungs.
Actually, I'm feeling pretty spry now.
Um Sorry.
How rude of me.
Did you want one? The truck's here for the afternoon.
No thank you.
On duty.
And for that matter, so are you.
Ah, yes.
But unlike a doctor, spirits are part of an actor's life.
A veritable prerequisite.
Plus, I'm Irish.
[Lighter clicks.]
Listen, Gabe, um I know it's been a while since you've performed live.
But I don't think the cigars and the booze are going to help your performance or your health.
Have you seen me perform live? - No.
- Then how do you know? Oh, all right.
[Car engine stops.]
[Beep.]
Uh, good morning.
- Is everything okay in there? - No.
No, I, um I just I found out that the Mets lost.
That's six in a row.
And now they're trading their number one pitcher, so why do I even bother? Yes.
I program my car to follow the Mets.
Now you think I'm a freak.
I think you're a fan.
Welcome to the club.
Oh.
Okay.
Hey, um, have you seen Jack lately? We played 18 yesterday, not that he considers what I do on a golf course playing.
Wow.
I'm glad to hear he's in such good spirits.
Patients with his numbers are usually pretty weak and lethargic.
Wait.
Have his numbers changed? His B.
U.
N.
and creatinine are rising, and his glomerular filtration rate is way down.
That's why he has an appointment with you today.
With me and a surgeon.
He's coming in to have an arteriovenous fistula installed - in prep for starting dialysis.
- Dialysis? - I assumed you knew.
- No, I didn't.
Jack's disease is really progressing fast, Hank.
Um, I'll see you later.
Yeah.
Yes, Jack.
It is a simple surgery.
But you will be anesthetized.
I'll give you a lift.
Do not make me fire you as my friend also.
Man, you really do suck at this.
What? Friends give friends rides.
Yeah, well, I don't need hand-holding.
So I'll keep both hands on the wheel.
I'll just drive you home.
No good-night kiss.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Oh, wait, um, do you hear that sound? - What sound? - I don't know.
It sounds like a beep or something.
No, I don't hear [Beep.]
[Laughs.]
Ready to reel in some tunnies? Are you? It sounds like you have some other obligations.
Yeah, well, nothing trumps bluefin, though.
Agreed? I don't know.
Are you a troller? Or do you chunk? Um I'm flexible.
[Laughs.]
Let's go fishing.
- Let's go fishing! - Yes.
Ah! Glad to see you relaxing.
You look like you're feeling better.
Wrong on both counts.
I'm working hard.
[Belches.]
Feeling lousy [Sniffs.]
Bloated.
Hmm.
Any chest pains? Ah, I'm hoping it's heartburn.
Well, have you been eating any greasy foods? No, I've been off the fat since I started prepping for the demands of the stage.
Believe it or not, I've lost half a stone.
That's Seven pounds.
Good for you.
But you do still drink and smoke cigars.
Well, I'm not up for sainthood.
But I have cut back since our last chat.
Look, I'm concerned that you're bloated, because that could be a sign of heart problems.
Now, I'd like to take you for a full cardiac work up.
Not today, doctor.
The stage manager's on his way over to help me run lines.
We open tonight.
What if we could, as Shakespeare said, "kill two birds with one stone"? Ovid actually coined that one.
What did you have in mind? [Panting.]
Why do they run away this is knavery of them to make me afeared.
"Oh, bottom, thou art changed!" "What do I see on thee?" What do you see? You see an ass-head of your own, do you? [Emoting.]
Well, "bless thee bottom, bless thee!" "Thou art translated.
" [Panting.]
"I see" Don't tell me! Okay, tell me.
"I see their knavery" I see their knavery.
This is to make an ass of me.
[Normal voice.]
Speaking of asses mine's throbbing.
How long do I have to ride this thing? Oh, oh, sorry.
You were done a few seconds ago.
I just I got caught up in the story.
What happens next? Well, the, uh the queen of the fairies, - she sees him as an ass.
- Uh-huh.
- And she falls in love.
- You do know the play.
Yeah! Well, yeah, I'm not just a bit player, as you may have guessed.
[Sighs.]
Yeah, the road not taken and all.
It's a rare man, once bitten, who can surrender the spotlight.
Yes.
Some would say he hasn't.
The stage is a stern mistress.
When I started making films, I promised myself that I wouldn't sell out squander my gift.
That I could make money, return to my first love and still prove worthy.
"Prove worthy"? Dude, your clayface the best thing in the last Batman movie, easy.
Sadly true.
Tell me, do you detect any cardiac issues? Uh, well, we have to wait to get your cardiac enzymes back from the lab.
But I see no evidence of coronary artery disease.
- Awesome.
- So it's only my deep-seated insecurity keeping me up nights.
Do you have insomnia? Only when I try to sleep.
The indigestion doesn't help.
I think you're suffering from acid reflux.
Which can be stress-induced.
So, how 'bout I write a prescription for Prevacid, we hold off on predicting your performance will fail, and let the show go on? - Divya.
What a surprise! - Raj.
Well, not really a surprise.
I know how you love this play.
- I do.
- I was actually going to call you.
I will have another check for your parents very soon.
No, no.
Not about that.
I knew you'd be attending opening night.
You know me so well.
I didn't want to presume how you might feel, but I'm bringing someone to the play.
I knew we might run into you, and I didn't want it to be awkward.
- You have a date! - Yes! Good! That's good.
My gosh, I'm so happy.
No, of course it's not a problem.
- Next in line, please.
- Great.
- We'll see you then.
- Yes, you will.
Next in line.
[Keys clicking.]
Dr.
Van Dyke here.
Leave a message.
[Beep.]
V.
D.
! Katdare, here.
Call me.
So I figured, since you can't out to eat, I would bring the nourishment to you.
Okay, I'm so glad you're here.
- I'm dying to tell you - Paige, if Evan doesn't mind stepping on with you, - we need to test the platform.
- Okay.
Absolutely.
- Jump on, Evan.
- Onto the onto the thing? - Come on.
- The thing's going to hold - both of us? - Well, it better.
It's got to hold a flock of fairies.
Wow.
Well, given the fact that I've cursed the show [motor hums.]
I have a little bit of ah! - Okay.
- Okay.
So, you know how I was hoping to make an impression on Julie? Yes.
You mean, Hankmed healing three of her actors didn't do the job? Well, she's been offered a gig eight weeks in Stratford.
And if she accepts it, she wants me to go with her as her scenic artist.
- What? - Yeah! That's amazing.
I knew she'd be impressed.
That's amazing! And with my mom doing so much better, this is something I could actually do.
Absolutely.
And Connecticut's so close.
I could, like, bring you lunch every day.
Oh, no no no, it's not Stratford, Connecticut, it's Stratford-upon-Avon.
- England.
- Yeah.
Well, that's not so close.
No, but you could come visit.
It's our busiest time of year.
Well, it's it's just eight weeks.
Eight weeks is two whole months, though.
That's a sixth of the year.
That's the rest of the summer.
- Okay, we're coming down.
- Okay.
Yeah, you know what? That's too long.
That's too long.
And I don't want to bite off more than I'm ready for.
You know, Julie hasn't even accepted this yet, so it's probably not even going to happen.
So never mind, never mind.
Red leather, yellow leather.
Good blood, bad blood.
Culligan and Calla Lily.
Culligan and Calla Lily.
Okay, blood pressure, heart and lungs are fine.
You're good to go.
Uh, right.
Thanks for everything.
[Grunts.]
Um are you still having reflux? Oh, no.
Just plain old butterflies.
All right.
Well, it's not easy for a doctor to say this, but break a leg.
[Groans.]
[Whimpers.]
[Retches.]
Manala, melele, mee meenee mo oo-aa-yah Why are you doing that? It's called vocalizing.
I'm I'm warming up.
You have one line three hours from now.
But nice tunic.
Why are you back here? Uh, Paige is supposed to sit next to me, but she's putting the finishing touches - on her finishing touches.
- Well, she's an artist, Hank.
- You wouldn't understand.
- Well, it looks gorgeous.
Yeah, I know.
The director wants her to do a job in England.
That's fantastic.
Yeah, it's probably not going to pan out, but it's definitely an honor to be asked, though.
Why won't it pan out? Um, because it's for two months.
And she's got her mind on school in the fall.
Two months is only eight weeks.
What could go wrong in eight weeks? - Are you kidding? - No.
That's 60 whole days with us apart.
Plus she'll be in the theater community, surrounded by actors and artists.
Ev, you told her to go, right? I didn't tell her anything.
I mean, I'll support whatever she decides.
The whole Parsons thing is me supporting her.
Well, yeah.
Design school in Manhattan is pretty easy to support.
What are you getting at? Look, this sounds like a great opportunity for Paige.
But you know how she is.
Pray tell.
She puts everyone she cares about first.
This is her decision.
I bet she can make you believe that.
- Hey! - Hi.
Nice work, Paige.
This looks awesome.
Thank you.
I just pray the trees dry in time and look okay under the lights.
I don't want to let Julie or anyone down, you know? [Soft gong.]
Oh! - We got to get going.
- Oh, okay.
- Let's grab our seats.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, break your femur.
You're going to be great.
Really.
[Softly.]
I love you.
[Trumpet fanfare.]
Four days will quickly steep themselves in night four nights will quickly dream away the time and then the moon, like to a silver bow new-bent in heaven, shall behold the night of our solemnities.
Go, Philostrate, stir up the Athenian youth to merriments an' I will hide my face, let me play Thisby too I'll speak in a monstrous little voice [Deep voice.]
Thisne, Thisne.
[Falsetto voice.]
Ah, Pyramus, my lover dear, Thisby dear, and lady dear [Sighs.]
Through the forest have I gone, but Athenian found I none, on whose eyes I might approve this flower's force in stirring love.
When thou wak'st, let love forbid sleep his seat on thy eyelid.
So awake when I am gone.
[Muted cry.]
All: [Gasp.]
For I must to Oberon! [Muted laughter.]
[Applause.]
Okay, drinks.
My favorite part so far.
Divya, I want you to meet Karen.
Karen, so nice to meet you.
Divya, I've heard all about you.
Paul, this is Karen and Raj.
Karen, Raj.
Oh! Raj! A pleasure.
Dr.
Paul Van Dyke.
So, is everyone as lost as I am? That depends.
How many glasses of champagne have you had? I mean the play.
The, uh, the fairies are all mad about some changeling? Who, I guess, is the chick with the legs? No.
No, that's puck.
It is confusing.
The changeling isn't even on stage.
Uh, it's a reference to the past.
Oh, she knows the play.
K.
J.
covers theater for The Star.
- You're K.
J.
Golan? - Mmm.
I love your reviews.
- Thank you.
- Shall we? I'm running to the ladies they're doing the long version.
Whoa, long version? We need refills.
[Both laugh.]
She's lovely, Raj.
Thanks to you, I'm in love for the first time.
I'm so happy for you.
I would never have had the courage to end our arrangement.
You gave me the chance to move on.
And you have.
I'm afraid you've blown your Achilles tendon.
- I was just hopping.
- Yeah, well that's - how it happens.
- Well, get me up on crutches.
We have two acts to go.
Sorry.
Rest, elevation, ice.
I need to splint your leg, and you're not going to be able to put any weight on it.
- You could risk permanent damage.
- This can't be happening.
My understudy called in sick.
I swear, this production was cursed.
Evan.
- What? - He knows the part.
He played puck.
In in high school.
You've been watching all week, spouting lines.
Yeah, the ones I remember.
Ah, it's worth a shot.
He might pull it off.
He read with me.
He's certainly got the, uh - Chops? - Was going to say "balls.
" - But either way.
- We could announce a substitution, but everyone might leave.
Oh, they'll stay! It's high drama watching someone step out on the tightrope, unprepared.
Okay, I mean, as much as I would love to help I really would I just I won't remember all the lines.
You may not have to.
Some man or other must present wall and hold his fingers thus, and through that cranny must Pyramus and Thisby whisper.
What hempen homespuns have we swaggering here? So near the cradle the cradle of the fairy queen.
[Laughter.]
- Everybody - Everyone [Overlapping shouting.]
[Laughs.]
Yum, yum, yum.
Num, num, num.
So much for non-fat.
I should have asked about bottom's diet.
Yeah, bottom's a pig.
[Groaning.]
What angel wakes me from my flowering bed? - Hee-haw.
- I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again [grunts.]
Uh, [clears throat.]
Monsieur Cobweb, get you your weapons and find me [Gasping.]
a red-hipped bumble-bee.
And bring me the honey pot.
And good monsieur [Gasping.]
take care the honey pot break not.
[Groans.]
Ow.
He eats and then he lies down? What's wrong? [Whispering.]
Divya.
Wilt thou at ninny's tomb meet me straightway? Here, here.
Drink this.
- What's wrong? - You were short of breath after lying down, before exerting yourself.
- Oh! - Are you having pain? - Maybe! - We need to take an X-ray.
- You already have an X-ray.
- Sitting up.
- We need one lying down.
- Ah! Don't worry.
You won't miss your cue.
I think a hiatal hernia's causing your symptoms.
- A what hernia? - Hiatal.
The stomach slides up into the chest through a tear in the diaphragm, when you lie down.
When you stand up, it slides back in place, so it wouldn't have shown on the first X-ray.
But am I in any danger? It's usually not emergent.
But I've seen what you do next.
You die on stage.
And if you lie down, you may not have the breath to get up at all.
I can adjust.
Oh, wherefore, nature, didst though lions frame? Thus die I.
Thus, thus, thus.
Thus, blah.
[Laughter.]
We really didn't go to all this trouble just for a hiatal hernia, - did we? - He looks distressed.
I thought we should rule out more emergent conditions.
Now, die! Khhhh! Die! [Laughter.]
Die! Die! [Laughter.]
[Groans.]
Die! [Blows.]
[Laughter, applause.]
If we don't get him to surgery now, his stomach will perforate.
Oh, my God.
He really could die.
[Elizabethan dance music.]
- Ooh! - Okay, okay.
We have to get you to the hospital.
Your X-ray showed a hiatal hernia.
But this time it couldn't slide back in place.
A section of your stomach twisted and got stuck in your chest cavity.
It's called a gastric volvulus.
You need immediate surgery before the twisted portion ruptures.
What? My stomach could burst? - Oh, God! - How how's the pain? - Worse! - Okay.
I'm sorry you'll miss your ovation, but an ambulance is on its way.
Oh, bottom will miss the applause, but I have a lot invested in this belly.
Good, let's go.
[Groans.]
Here we go.
[Puffing.]
If we shadows have offended, think but this, and all is mended, that you have but slumber'd here while these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme And this weak and idle theme "No more yielding but a dream" no more yielding but a dream.
Gentles, do not Reprehend.
Do not Repre [Transmitter beeps.]
[Crickets chirping.]
[Whispering.]
Oh, my God.
Gentles gentles, do not gentles [Indistinct whispering.]
[Aloud.]
Gentles gentles, do not Reprehend! Reprehend! If you pardon, we shall mend.
And as I am an honest puck, if we have unearned luck now to 'scape [yells.]
the serpent's tongue, we will make amends ere long.
Else the puck a liar call so, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends, and Robin shall restore amends.
[Applause, cheering.]
[Elizabethan dance music.]
So how happy are you I was there when you ran into your ex? I mean, sure, his date was a hottie, but the second they heard "doctor," you were back on even ground.
I wasn't trying to make Raj jealous.
And I certainly do not want him back.
No, but I do want what he has.
I want to be happy.
[Keys jingle.]
Me too.
I am so sorry.
I was talking to you as a friend.
We said that we were friends, remember? We could try Pretending? Trust me, I have been very good at it since I was a little girl.
But now I want something real.
As much as I've enjoyed being with you tonight, as my friend I think that you want something more.
More than I do.
Okay.
Your loss, Katdare.
- To the best puck ever.
- And to saving the very play that you'd cursed.
[Laughter.]
[Glasses clink.]
And my favorite part? Your performance - was injury-free.
- Nice.
Well, thank you, guys.
Yeah.
Um I wish I had committed more to that "morning lark" line.
Look, Ev, I know I never took your acting seriously, but it turns out you got some real chops.
I mean, you were very good.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
If you had taken it seriously, you might not have a CFO right now.
- Really? - W w wait.
You quit acting because I made fun of you? No.
You were just so responsible about your future.
Remember telling me, "we're on our own now.
" "We got to take care of ourselves.
" Yeah.
I wanted to be responsible too.
That's why I went into econ definitely not for the girls.
Wow, I really had influence over you.
I should make fun of you more often.
Coffee.
[Cell phone pings.]
Okay.
[Evan groans.]
- What's wrong? - Um, it's Julie.
She's taking that job in Stratford, and it starts next week.
She wants me to join her.
You know, I'm just going to let her know right away - that I can't.
- You can.
You can.
Will I miss you? Like crazy.
Like I don't even want to imagine how much.
But this is your life.
It's our life.
You are going to be in demand, because you're awesome.
So we better get used to being apart, off and on.
Hopefully more on than off.
But you can't turn this down.
I won't let you.
It's your midsummer dream.
So call her back, say yes and just make sure she knows how lucky she is to have you.
Almost as lucky as I am to have you.
Okay, I'm going to call her.
Thank you.
- All right.
- All right.
Looks like you triumphed.
- Indeed.
- Well, your surgery also got rave reviews.
You should be back to normal in no time.
The bad news? Well, unfortunately, "in no time" is going to be a few weeks.
You won't be able to finish the run of the play.
At least I got to prove to myself I haven't lost my gift.
By all accounts, everyone else thinks you've still got it too.
I appreciate your faith in me, Frank.
It's Hank.
Thanks to your catch and this review, I'll be Broadway bound by fall.
[Cell phone pings.]
Ooh, Gabe, I got to run.
But save me a house seat.
Uh, balcony's fine.
[Indistinct murmuring.]
Wow, that was fast.
I was here seeing a patient.
Your text sounded urgent.
What's up? - Have you spoken to Jack? - Uh, no.
Something go wrong with his A.
V.
surgery? He never came in for the procedure.
- What? - And he hasn't returned any of my phone calls.
Hank, I'm worried that Jack is blowing off - his treatment all together.
- I should have stayed on his case, insisted I come with him for his surgery.
- Shoot.
- I've had plenty of patients who couldn't come to terms with their illnesses.
You can't change their minds for them.
They need to do it on their own.
I just I hope he comes to his senses sooner rather than later.
Jack said he wanted to go fishing.
Maybe I can find him.
You going to drag him in here kicking and screaming? If I have to.
You're really going above and beyond, Hank.
That's what friends are for.
Here you go.
Hey! Cuppa.
Both: Cheers.
See this, Casey? This right here's what I love about fishing.
Yeah.
We haven't snagged one bite since we got out here.
Casey, fishing is not about catching fish.
Okay.
But they taste good.
Yeah.
See, to me, golf golf is always just about golf.
But fishing fishing's about clearing your head, you know? When I came out here, I was running from something.
And now? Now I know I need to face the music.
Well, Jack, can you wait to face the music until we've at least reeled in one tuna? Yeah.
Yeah.
- What about you, Casey? - Hmm? What are you running from, huh? What's this South America all about? South America's about South America.
I'm not running away, I'm running straight into my future.
That's what I like about you, Casey.
You're always one step ahead of me.
Another time, another place? Another fishing hole.
Hey, um, do you want a jacket? - I'm freezing.
- I'm okay.
[Coughing.]