Rugrats (1991) s01e03 Episode Script

[ snoring]
[ gasps]
THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
[ humming]
[ roaring]
[ gasps]
Just when you thought
it was safe to visit New York
Here comes Reptar!
REPTAR?
He's big, he's green, he's mean,
and he's back.
He's Reptar!
REPTAR.
And this time he means business.
Rated MGR--
minor guidance recommended.
Now playing everywhere
including the Westside Octoplex.
UP WE GO, CHAMP.
[ gibberish]
YEAH, [ gibberish].
TIME TO GO.
[ crying]
OH, CHEER UP, TOMMY.
TONIGHT WE'RE ALL GOING
TO THE OCTOPLEX
TO SEE YOUR FIRST MOVIE.
THE DUMMI BEARS
IN THE LAND WITHOUT SMILES?
DO WE REALLY HAVE
TO SEE THIS ONE?
COME ON, POP.
THE KIDS WILL LOVE IT.
[ gibberish]
YES, TOMMY.
WA-WA.
WE'RE GOING
TO A MOVIE.
[ babies crying]
WE SHOULD HAVE
GONE BOWLING.
CHUCKIE, PHIL, LIL
I'VE GOT
TO TELL YOU
ABOUT THIS GREAT THING
I SAW.
WHAT?WHAT?
REPTAR.
REPTAR?REPTAR?
REPTAR, THIS BIG DINOSAUR
ON THE TV.
IT KNOCKED OVER
SOME BUILDINGS AND STUFF.
WOW!
I TOLD YOU
WE SHOULD HAVE GONE BOWLING.
SHH, DAD, IT'S STARTING.
[ sappy music playing]
HERE GOES A HAPPY THOUGHT
TO A SAD LITTLE BOY IN TEXAS
AND HERE GOES ONE
TO A LONELY LITTLE GIRL
IN NEW YORK.
[ explosion]
Girl:
HELP! HELP!
SOMEONE'S STOLEN THE MAGIC LIST.
[ all gasp]
Stolen? But without the list
of sad little boys and girls
this will become
THE LAND WITHOUT SMILES.
LAND WITHOUT BRAINS
IS MORE LIKE IT!
SHH!
SO, TOMMY,
HOW BIG WAS REPTAR?
I DON'T KNOW
BUT THERE WERE A BUNCH
OF TINY GROWNUPS
RUNNING AROUND
HIS FEET.
WOW! WE WANT TO SEE REPTAR.
OKAY.
LET'S GO FIND HIM.
BUT HE WAS ON TV, TOMMY,
BACK AT YOUR HOUSE.
I SAW HIS PICTURE
OUTSIDE.
I THINK HE'S HERE
SOMEWHERE.
MAYBE HE'S THIS WAY.
[ shoes squeaking]
COME ON.
MAYBE REPTAR'S IN HERE.
Mmm
Mmm
Man:
HEY, YOU!
DOWN IN FRONT!
[ door squeaking]
[ yells]
MONSTER!
RUN AWAY!
[ shoes squeaking]
PHIL, LIL, UP HERE.
[ all gasp]
WHEW.
[ all grunt]
[ yawns]
[ grunting]
[ gasps]
THERE YOU ARE.
I HATE KISSING MOVIES.
NOTHING EVER HAPPENS.
HEY! WHAT'S THAT?
NO WAY.
BEANIE BOARDS
ARE BY FAR THE COOLEST.
YOU LIE.
BEANIES ARE BOGUS.
GROADY BOARDS RULE.
FORGET YOU.
FORGET YOU, TOO, MAN.
REPTAR?
[ grunting]
REPTAR?
Chuckie:
HEY, TOMMY!
COME AND LOOK AT THIS.
I THINK I FOUND
WHERE REPTAR IS.
YOU? MANAGER?
HAH! HARDLY.
WHY NOT?
AFTER MR. WILKIE
CAUGHT YOU DRINKING
A CARTON OF ARTIFICIAL
POPCORN BUTTER? DREAM ON.
I HAD TO, MAN.
A BET'S A BET.
BET YOU A BUCK
YOU WON'T DO IT AGAIN.
YOU'RE ON, DUDE.
WHOA!
WHAT IS IT?
THE SUN?
THE MOON?
NO. IT'S REPTAR.
[ film projectors humming]
All:
WOW!
A SCARY
MERRY-GO-ROUND.
Chuckie:
YEAH.
LOOK AT THIS ONE.
JUST GET VALENTINES
TO THE OTHER NEEDY CHILDREN
SQUIGGY BEAR.
It's too late for me.
[ coughing]
IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME TOO.
SHH!
I'M GOING
TO GET SOME CANDY.
I'D RATHER ROT MY TEETH
THAN SIT HERE AND ROT MY BRAIN.
I'VE SEEN THIS ONE
ALREADY.
COME ON.
[ grunting]
HUH?
REPTAR?
NO. REPTAR'S GREEN.
IS THIS IT, TOMMY?
Hey, you talkin' to me?
NO. I WAS TALKING
TO TOMMY.
LET'S TRY ANOTHER ONE.
[ roaring]
REPTAR?
REPTAR!
[ screeches]
All:
WOW!
HEY, LET ME SEE.
QUIT PUSHING.
I GOT HERE FIRST.
YOU HAD YOUR TURN.
WHOA!
HEY, LET ME TRY.
[ laughing]
[ giggling]
HUH?
[ yells]
I THINK WE'D BETTER
GO NOW, TOMMY.
YEP.
Grandpa:
WHAT A MESS.
WHY, IN MY DAY
A YOUNGSTER KNEW
HOW TO RUN A SNACK BAR
AND HE'D WALK 15 MILES
THROUGH THE SNOW
TO GET THERE TOO.
YEAH, RIGHT, OLD DUDE.
WELL, HELLO THERE.
GUESS YOU SPRATS HAD ENOUGH
OF THAT BRAINLESS
BEAR ADVENTURE, TOO, EH?
WELL, I GOT US
SOME SNACKS, ANYWAY.
COME ON, NOW.
GET ALONG, LITTLE DOGGIES.
I know you're all wondering
if little Shawna
is going to pull through.
Well, it looks like
[ garbled audio]
[ audience moaning]
[ grumbling]
WHAT NERVE.
THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE US
OUR MONEY BACK.
RIGHT WHEN YOU'RE
ABOUT TO FIND OU
IF THE GUY'S A GHOS
THE PICTURE
JUST GOES BLACK.
WORST THEATER
I'VE EVER BEEN TO.
YOU'RE TELLING ME.
THE POPCORN HERE
TASTES LIKE SODA POP.
[ car starts]
I JUST WISH I KNEW
IF LITTLE SHAWNA
PULLED THROUGH.
I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT
TILL IT COMES OUT ON VIDEO.
IT JUST ISN'T FAIR.
WELL, AT LEAST
WE KNOW
TOMMY CAN GET THROUGH
A WHOLE MOVIE
WITHOUT MAKING
ANY TROUBLE.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
AT LEAST THERE'S THAT.
WHY DON'T WE GO SEE
A MOVIE AGAIN NEXT WEEK?
OKAY, BUT NEXT TIME
LET'S GO
TO ANOTHER THEATER.
REPTAR.
[ cooing]
[ doorbell buzzes]
THAT'S PROBABLY
DREW AND ANGELICA
HERE FOR YOUR SLUMBER PARTY.
SLUMBER PARTY.
I STILL DON'T SEE
WHY I HAVE TO SLEEP
IN THE DUMB OLD BABY'S ROOM.
CUPCAKE, IT'S GOING TO BE
YOUR FIRST SLUMBER PARTY.
[ door opening]
BRO.
HOW YOU DOING, SWEETIE?
MUFFIN?
THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR INVITING ME AND DADDY
TO SPEND THE WEEKEND WITH YOU.
OF COURSE, SWEETUMS.
I'M JUST GOING TO SAY IT--
SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
LITTLE GIRL I'VE EVER SEEN.
Drew:
NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
YOU THREE HAVE A SEAT
IN THE LIVING ROOM
AND I'LL GO GET TOMMY.
Drew:
COME ON, MUFFIN.
Stu:
SO, HOW'S THE WIFE?
YOU KNOW CHARLOTTE--
WORK, WORK, WORK.
I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO
THAN SLEEP
IN A BOTTLE-SUCKING BABY'S ROOM.
BUT SINCE I GOT TO,
I GET FIRST DIBS ON BEDS.
RECYCLING
TOILET TISSUE.
RECYCLED TOILET TISSUE?
TOUGH IDEA TO SELL,
I IMAGINE.
WHY DON'T YOU GROW UP
AND QUIT SUCKING
THAT DUMB BOTTLE?
ONLY BABIES
SUCK ON BOTTLES.
Didi:
LOOK, IT'S TIME
FOR THE KIDS' NAP.
ANGELICA READY
FOR SLEEPY-BYE?
HUH?
THERE. YOU SEE?
HERE'S YOUR VERY OWN BED.
THANK YOU, AUNT DIDI.
IT'S SO NICE AND COMFY.
AND HOW ARE YOU,
SLEEPYHEAD?
READY FOR NAPPY-BYES?
[ grunting]
ANGELICA?
WHAT, DRIBBLE-FACE?
WHAT'S A SLUMBER PARTY?
THAT'S A REALLY DUMB QUESTION
THAT ONLY A BABY
BOTTLE-SUCKER WOULD ASK.
IT SMELLS
LIKE A BABY'S ROOM IN HERE.
I'M GOING TO OPEN
THIS WINDOW.
[ grunting]
THAT'S BETTER.
TOO COLD.
AW, MOMMY'S LITTLE BABY
TOO COLD?
COME ON, TELL ME.
WHAT'S A SLUMBER PARTY?
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK,
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.
[ sneezing]
TOMMY, YOU OKAY, HON?
I CAN FEED MYSELF.
YES. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL.
ARE YOU STILL SLEEPY?
BABIES NEED A LOT OF SLEEP.
I THINK I'D BETTER PUT YOU
RIGHT TO BED.
YOU DON'T SEEM
TO BE FEELING WELL.
SOMETIMES I STAY UP TILL 9:00.
THAT'S NICE, DEAR.
YOU FINISH YOUR DINNER
WHILE I PUT TOMMY TO BED.
[ splat]
OOPS. AND IT WAS
SO YUMMY TOO.
HERE'S YOUR TEDDY BEAR
AND YOUR BOTTLE.
MY LITTLE WUBBY OKAY?
[ speaking baby talk]
WELL, NIGHTY-NIGHT.
I GUESS YOU'LL GET
AN EARLY STAR
ON YOUR
LITTLE SLUMBER PARTY.
[ gasping]
[ gasping]
[ gasping]
[ clown laughing]
[ gasping]
OH
[ gasping]
[ wind howling]
BABY!
[ gasping]
AW, MOMMY'S LITTLE BABY
TOO COLD?
Didi:
TOMMY?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
[ gasping]
OH, MY.
OH, MY. YOU'VE GOT
A TERRIBLE FEVER, HONEY.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH TOMMY?
IT'S A FEVER
STU.
HE'S JUST BURNING UP.
HOW DID HE COME DOWN
WITH IT SO FAST?
IT WASN'T ME.
I'LL CALL DR. SHOCTOR.
POOR LITTLE THING.
MAYBE PHIL AND LIL
GAVE IT TO HIM.
I DIDN'T, DID I?!
YOU TWO CALL THAT DOC
EVERY TIME THE LITTLE FELLA'S
GOT A HICCUP
POP, GET
THE THERMOMETER.
THERMOMETER?
WHY, THE BOY'S JUST GOT A CHILL.
ALL YOU GOT TO DO
IS HOLD HIM UPSIDE DOWN
NEVER MIND.
I'LL GET IT.
JUST GET
SOME APPLESAUCE
AND AN OLD SOCK
FOR HIS HEAD.
POP
LET HIM FINISH.
YOU TURN HIM UPSIDE DOWN
AND THEN FEED HIM
THE APPLESAUCE.
I REMEMBER THAT ONE.
IT WAS APPLESAUCE
EVERYWHERE.
WE COULD TRY IT.
WE'RE NOT DOING
THE APPLESAUCE.
ANYWAY, THE DOCTOR
SAID NOT TO WORRY.
JUST GIVE HIM
HIS BABY DROPS
AND CALL IN THE MORNING.
MAYBE CHUCKIE
OPENED HIS WINDOW.
YOU KIDS JUST
DIDN'T HAVE THE STOMACH
FOR THE APPLESAUCE CURE.
NOT THE APPLESAUCE CURE.
IN MY DAY,
WE HAD TO WALK
HOW MANY MILES, POP?
15 MILES TO SCHOOL,
FOR YOUR INFORMATION
IN THE SNOW
WITH NO SHOES.
COME ON, CHAMP.
HERE WE GO.
IT SAYS HERE
IN LIPSCHITZ
TO PUT A RADIO
UNDER HIS OR HER PILLOW.
A RADIO'S BIGGER
THAN THIS PILLOW.
WHAT IS THE BIG FUSS
ALL ABOUT?
HE'S JUST FAKING IT.
OR WE COULD SING
HIM OR HER A LULLABY.
DO WE KNOW ANY?
WE COULD MAKE ONE UP.
YOU THINK?
IT'S YOUR BEDTIME,
CHAMP ♪
UH, LET'S TURN OUT
THE LAMP ♪
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER
TOMORROW ♪
BUT THIS SONG
YOU CAN BORROW ♪
NICE, DIDI.
THANKS.
IF YOUR CHEEKS
ARE STILL RED ♪
AND THERE'S HEAT
IN YOUR HEAD ♪
THEN WE'LL CALL UP
THE DOCTOR ♪
HIS NAME'S
HERMAN SHOCTOR ♪
'CAUSE YOU'RE
OUR LITTLE BOY ♪
YOU'RE
OUR PRIDE AND JOY ♪
AND WE THINK
YOU'RE THE BEST ♪
SO GOOD NIGHT,
GET SOME REST. ♪
[ moaning]
UH-OH. MAYBE HE ISN'T FAKING IT.
[ splat]
[ crying]
WAIT UP, MUFFIN.
YOU'RE DRIPPING EVERYWHERE!
THAT'S MY BOY.
[ birds chirping]
[ snoring]
[ snoring]
[ snoring]
OH, PUMPKIN
YOU SEEM MUCH BETTER
THIS MORNING.
HEY, HOW'S MY CHAMP?
WELL, LOOKEE HERE.
HE'S GOT MY STAMINA,
THAT'S FOR SURE.
THAT WAS SOME CHILL
YOU GOT, SPORTS FAN.
HEY, WHO'S GOING TO BUY ME
A NEW DRESS?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GOING
TO MAKE BREAKFAST--
PANCAKES AND APPLESAUCE.
I GOT THE STRANGEST HANKERING
FOR SOME APPLESAUCE.
WELL, AFTER A NIGHT
LIKE LAST NIGH
I THINK WE COULD ALL USE
A LITTLE
OF GRANDPA'S APPLESAUCE.
TOMMY?
YEAH?
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYBODY BARF
LIKE THAT.
WOW.
ANGELICA?
YEAH?
ARE SLUMBER PARTIES
ALWAYS LIKE THAT?
IT'S LIKE I TOLD YOU BEFORE.
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.
HEY, WAIT!
Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation