Run the Burbs (2022) s01e01 Episode Script


1 One trip.
Come on.
Oh, the bag broke! Ugh, come on! (GROANING) - Get it - I'm trying! One trip, baby! All right, everyone, you know what time it is.
School is out, and it's time for our summer annual block party.
It's the Blockbuster, baby! - (ALL WHOOP) - And we are hitting up all the Blockbuster traditions.
We got BBQs.
Sizzle on over to barbecue city Yeah, we got bouncy houses.
Bounce on, bounce on, bounce And we spoke to the hoarders.
We convinced them to move their newspaper-filled car down the block for the day.
(IMITATING ELECTRIC GUITAR) It's a temporary fix to a serious problem And then we're all going to gather here in the middle for the surprise musical guest.
It is going to be the greatest night of your lives.
Finish setting up, and let's enjoy the party.
(ALL CHEERING) This year's Blockbuster is going to be next level.
It has to be.
We got to burn these memories into our kids' brains.
I know.
Let's make them count.
- Love you.
- Love you.
- Looking good, guys.
- Whoa.
Candy, you said you got speakers.
- What is all this? - Ha-ha! This, my man, is the Whitesnake A/V package in full.
- Can we afford this? - Yeah, yeah.
A guy down at the arena owed me a huge favour.
Saved his life back at Lilith Fair.
Excessive and free.
You get me.
And I got all this, so now you have to tell me, who's the musical guest? Come on.
Is it Celine? Bublé? On the DL? The greatest Blockbuster ever.
Yeah, except on the DL, you didn't actually tell me a thing.
Pham guarantee, baby.
Mom, (UNCLEAR), check this out.
Ohh, hot off the press.
How come our pictures aren't on the Pham guarantee? We don't want that kind of heat.
You know how many guarantees your dad makes? It's a lot of liability.
Good point.
Oh, let me photobomb it.
You'll get more likes.
Um, I think I'm okay.
But I will hashtag it Dad's fave.
Khia, great job on the poster.
I'm just a vessel for my art.
Like I was a vessel for you two.
Mom, gross.
Hey-o! Ramesh, you ready for the Blockbuster? I could take it or leave it.
- But you are going to get the cake? - Ah, yes.
The cake.
After Andrew's 14 texts messages, and six voicemails, and two "casual" emails, thank God you're reminding me again.
I'm glad you know.
- I'll be back.
- Thanks, Dad.
So, kids, are you ready for the greatest day of your lives? What's today? - Dad, chill.
- You know I'm unable to chill.
- It's the Blockbuster, baby! - I know.
Okay, bring it in.
Pham hands in.
ALL: Three, two, one.
Phams! HUDSON: Hey, Khia, Leo.
Guess who's back.
Hey, Khia.
- Oh! Mannix! - What up? Hey, Leo.
Oh, my God.
You grew, like, a foot.
Still just got the two.
And you, I mean, your hair got longer.
Oh, yours is too.
It looks great.
Yours looks great also.
So, uh, you just staying for the summer? - Oh, no, I'm - Nope! My baby's moving back in with her pops, full-time.
Two long years in Paris, but I guess she chose me, over her mom, and over Paris.
- I mean, I win, Lisa.
- Dad! - Okay, I'll just - Yeah.
Well, uh, got to go unpack.
- I'll see you later? - Yeah.
What was that? What? Nothing.
Hey, wait for me.
It's all coming together.
You know what? Life's simple.
You make choices and you don't look back.
Han, "Tokyo Drift.
" Sorry to interrupt whatever little grooming ritual this is.
(LAUGHING) Sneak a line in, catch the quote, get a back scratch.
- That's our thing, Barb.
- CAMILLE: What do you want? Ooh, yeah.
Um, bylaw rules coming through.
You need a permit for your little party.
Well, I've got a permit.
Actually, you got permit 9835F6BQ.
What you need is permit 9835F6BR.
So just give us that permit.
Ooh, yeah, actually, we can only give one 9835F6BR on any given day, and someone already has it.
So shut it down.
That's outrageous.
You've done nothing about the hoarders, and I've called you, like, 50 times.
We are not allowed to tow cars off private property.
Bye! What are we going to do? Well, those permits are public record, so all we need to do is find the person who has the permit and then convince them if they don't give it to us, they're crushing our children's dreams.
- Checkmate, Barb.
- I love your brain.
Hey, Andrew, any interest in a slightly used aquarium? No, Sebastian, I'm good.
But what about that special guest of ours? When's he getting here? - Oh, you mean Drake.
- Shh! Yeah, I'm sorry, man.
My Drake hook-up wasn't quite as solid as I thought.
You thought Sebastian was going to get Drake? Yes! I believe in people.
Sebastian, you said.
"I'm tight with Drake.
" I was Joey Jeremiah's stand-in on "Degrassi.
" He's a great guy.
Troi, oi! I guaranteed my kids, and the entire neighbourhood the best night of their lives.
I know.
That's on me.
I owe you one Drake.
Or perhaps one Joey Jeremiah.
(LAUGHING) We could ask Jason.
Yo, you think he'd do it? Aw, he'd be so good.
But he's retired.
I mean, he's a hip-hop legend.
It's worth asking.
Boom! Miguel Gutiérrez.
Those permits will be ours.
- Two problems, two of us.
- Which one do you want? Permits or getting a music icon to perform.
Paperwork Or dope beats.
Bureaucracy! Yeah, I'll get the permit.
- Sick! I need backup.
- Okay.
- Love you.
- Oh, don't forget the samosas.
Jason loves them! I'm coming for you, Gutiérrez.
I'm just saying, my little girl chose me.
Yeah, man.
Chose you over Paris.
HUDSON: You think Jason will do it? I don't know, but he's our last hope.
- Let's get it.
- Time to get dangerous.
- JASON: Who's there? - ANDREW: Kardinal! It's your boys! My guys.
Listen, I keep trying to tell you, Kardinal Offishall is retired.
It's just Jason now.
Ooh, are those Camille's samosas? Yeah, we just wanted to talk to you (CAR ENGINE REVVING) (RATCHETS CRANKING) The East River Car Club.
Hey, lady, you lost or something? Nope.
I'm looking for a race.
Was I unclear? I'm looking for a race.
Yeah? You want to race in that thing? (ALL LAUGH) Yup.
You Miguel? Miguel Gutiérrez, Street King of the East Side.
- Yeah! - Loyalty, baby.
Well, Miguel, you got something I need.
Oh, yeah? What's that? - Your permit.
- No can do.
We got a street meetup later, and that permit lady? She already shut us down twice this month.
We call her "Permiso Diablo," huh? Hey, hey, I know you.
You're that chef.
No, I work in HR, but, yeah, I do have a little online food following.
(SPEAKING SPANISH) Okay, how about this? You win the race, I cook your entire crew a five-course tasting menu.
And if I win, I get the permit.
MIGUEL: A five-course meal, huh? Okay, I'll race you.
But it has to be street rules.
Car for car.
- MAN: Yeah! - (GROUP CHUCKLES) Wait, why would you want my van? I have a kid on the way, so You're a complex man, Miguel.
Okay, deal.
Street rules.
But also, street legal.
No speeding.
There are kids around.
(ALL SNICKER) You want to race without speeding? You're afraid your little tuner can't get up to the speed limit as fast as Van Diesel? ALL: Oh! (ALL LAUGHING) I like this one.
And I pick the route.
And we got a race, boys.
- ALL: Whoo! - You get that menu ready, huh? Vamos, chicos.
Smashin' passion, with extra smashin'.
- I ran out of passion.
- Thanks, Cathy.
So, did you know Mannix moved back? Yup.
What about it? Oh, nothing.
Never mind.
Khia likes Mannix.
- I see.
- KHIA: Ignore him.
He doesn't know what he's talking about.
Don't be embarrassed, you got a thing for the girl next door.
It's a tale as old as time.
She's, like, my oldest friend, and I haven't seen her for a while.
And she just came back, and everything feels a bit different? I don't know.
LEO: Oh, Mannix! Let's kiss our lips together.
- It won't be gross at all.
- Shut up! How about you, little man? You got any crushes on the go? I'm married to the job, Cathy.
Hey, man, I wish I could help.
Well, we think you can help.
We need Kardinal Offishall.
Oh, come on.
Kardi's gone.
I'm a dad now.
Life's a yawn.
Clean cut, crocs on.
I can't go around chasing dimes, slinging rhymes, selling out shows from here to the Maritimes.
- No.
- What are you talking about? Kardinal is clearly still in there.
This is the Blockbuster.
- We need you.
- The burbs need you.
We gonna put you on something brand-new, though.
Kardinal rock the party Yo, T-Dot drinking Bacardi Yo, T-Dot rocking the party (RAPPING INDISTINCTLY) And everybody knows it's the T-Dot Okay, okay, stop.
- How could I say no to that? - (BOTH LAUGH) But, look, I don't do my old stuff anymore.
Been working on new tracks.
If you're cool with that, I'm in.
Are you serious? Yes! We want it.
Hit us with a taste, Jase.
(NATURE SOUNDS PLAYING) Mother Nature is in pain.
The world is on fire.
Caw-caw! Caw-caw! Caw-caw! Good, right? Whoa! Man! You just so good! It is It is interesting.
But you're not dancing.
Oh! Yeah You don't have to tell me twice.
When I say "Caw-caw," you say - BOTH: Caw-caw! - Caw-caw! Caw-caw! (ENGINE REVVING) KHIA: Mom? - What's happening? - Mama's got to get a permit.
Is this a street race? The permit was with the East River Car Club.
Oh! I can't believe I chose Kardinal over this.
Is he going to do it? Yeah.
(HARD ROCK MUSIC BLARING OVER CAR STEREO) You sure you want to do this? I don't want to embarrass you in front of your friends.
- I don't got friends.
- It's happening for real.
I got family.
You are so goddamn hot right now.
Get off the car.
It's game time, baby Y'all ready to ride for me Like I'm ready to ride for you? (ENGINE REVVING) (MAN RAPPING UNCLEARLY) You don't shine when you hit the lights (MAN RAPPING UNCLEARLY) Go! (ENGINES REVVING) I got to admit, I thought this would be more exciting.
Oh, yeah.
It gets pretty boring if you're not the one in the race.
Wait a minute.
Share Location app.
Oh! Now we're talking.
Just like the movies.
Good call.
DARYL: Whoa, they're really close.
- Uh-uh, sucker.
- She's taking Lynndale.
ANDREW: Good call.
Bingo just let out.
(CAR HORNS HONKING) Why is she taking Alder Street? School zone trumps construction zone, baby! - The dots disappeared.
- The dead zone! - Oh! - What? There's no reception at the end of the block.
LEO: Who's winning? We're all winning when we work together.
(CHUCKLING) - What's going on? - There they are! KHIA: Come on.
ALL: Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
He doesn't see the pothole! (ENGINE REVVING) (ALL CHEERING) You lose, Gutiérrez! - (SHOUTING IN SPANISH) - (LAUGHING) Babe, you're amazing! - Take care of my baby.
- Thank you.
Did you win the car? Wait, did you bet the van? Oh! I have so many emotions right now.
Ooh! - Dad, are you crying? - ANDREW: Yes! I'm crying.
It's okay to cry.
So, what's this all about? Oh, hey, Barb.
Eat this.
- Wha-wha-wha! - Oh.
Unfortunately, permits are non-transferable.
- What? - BARB: It says right on it.
Yeah, so, uh, in about 20 minutes I will call the cops and just start raining fines.
Sorry, you have to clean all this up.
Bye! When we moved here, nobody on this street even talked to each other.
The Blockbuster brought us all together.
Don't beat yourself up about it, man.
The hoarders are happy.
They already put all their stuff back.
They're the worst.
Babe it's their private property.
Yeah, I know, but it brings the whole neighbourhood down.
No, they aren't breaking the rules, because it's on their property.
Why are you on the hoarders' side? Andrew, we have private property too.
No permit required.
(CHUCKLING) Oh, my God, Dad, what happened? There were some challenges.
But, as promised, your cake.
CAMILLE: Oh! Close enough.
CANDY: Andrew! It's six o'clock, baby.
Your special guest, where is he? Oh, no.
I forgot.
I thought you got Kardinal.
Sort of.
Kardinal might be broken.
- (TAPS MICROPHONE) - (FEEDBACK SQUEALING) Yo! What up, Rockridge? Who's having a good time? (ALL WHOOPING) JASON: Caw-caw! Look, I promised a surprise musical guest, and we are going to be heavy on the surprise.
But remember, no matter what happens, we're in this together.
That's what the Blockbuster is all about.
This is our neighbourhood, and nothing is going to tear us apart.
And that is the Andrew Pham guarantee.
So give it up for Jason.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ON SPEAKERS) Psych! - I got Kardinal Offishall! - (ALL CHEERING) That was always the plan! What happened to the new stuff? It's a house party now, and nobody can rock a house party better than Kardi.
Get it, Kardi.
We don't say "You know what I'm saying?" T-Dot says "You 'dun know" We don't say, "Hey, that's the breaks" We say, "Yo, suh it go" We don't say, "You get one chance" We say, "You better rip the show" Before bottles start flying And you running for the door We talkin' Kardinal rockin' the party And T-Dot drinking Bacardi, and Kardi drinking Bacardi And T-Dot rockin' the party Hey, Mannix is here.
Oh, she is.
LEO: You should ask her to dance.
KHIA: Uh, it's not that simple.
Oh, shut up.
Hey, Khia.
This is fun.
KHIA: Yeah, it's pretty good.
Hey, we should all go dance.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Come on.
Shall we? I thought you'd never ask.
(LAUGHING) Bacardi rockin' the party T-Dot drinking Bacardi Kardi drinking Bacardi And T-Dot rockin' the party Jumpin' and whylin' and ladies showin' a smile And everybody knows it's the T-Dot - Hey, good night.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Love the shoes.
- Get home safe.
- Thank you! Well, we did it.
And you know what? Here comes the speech.
No speech.
I just want us to embrace these family moments together.
That's how the Phams roll.
That was kind of a speech.
Okay, we done embracing? Who wants a ride in the new car? - Me! - Oh, yeah.
LEO: I'm gonna drop that clutch so hard.
Take it easy, Cole Trickle.
- Huh? - "Days of Thunder"? No one? You owe me.
Hey, Khia, are you coming? Oh, right.
A few of us were going to go hang out at Mannix's.
But it's okay.
I will go for a ride.
No, no, you should go.
- Have fun with your friends.
- Really? Yeah.
Go on.
Thank you.
And I'm dying on the inside.
- Are you going to cry again? - Yeah, I'm going to cry again.
It's okay to cry.
- Hey, I'm still here.
- ANDREW: For now.
Ah! CAMILLE: You want to drive? - LEO: Yeah.
- CAMILLE: Okay.
ANDREW: One lap only.
CAMILLE: Come here.
Come here.
Come here.
Okay, here.
ANDREW: He sits on your lap.
(EAGLE CRYING) JASON: Mother Nature is in pain.
The world is on fire.
This is the soundscape of our surroundings.
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