Run the Burbs (2022) s02e01 Episode Script

1
So, the bear's looking at us,
and we're looking at the
bear like, "what do we do?"
Yeah, and that's when we decided to
just let the bear keep the cooler.
Other than that, the RV trip was great.
And Jojo's cottage was amazing.
I caught a fish with my bare hands!
It was dead, but still.
Karate!
Oh, sorry, were you saying
something? You were muted.
Come on! That was like three
weeks' worth of stories!
Yeah, I'm kidding. Ish.
Oh, too far from the Wi-Fi. Hold on.
Okay.
- So, what are the kids getting these days?
- Spaceship popsicles.
I'll have the rum raisin.
Okay, old man.
And, um, what flavours
of soft serve do you have?
Vanilla, chocolate,
strawberry, or coconut,
or we could do a swirl.
Okay, I will do a
strawberry coconut swirl.
Actually, never mind.
Um, I'll do a swirl, for sure,
but I will do the coconut
- Just pick something.
- Excuse me?
There's no butter
chicken ice cream, okay?
So, just, you know,
pick a normal flavour
or go back to your country.
Chocolate coconut swirl, please.
It's on the house!
Hello? Dad? What are you looking at?
The sexiest woman in the world.
Ew.
Woo! Camille!
Do I look like Rockridge's
new community development
coordinator, or what?
You are gonna smash this interview.
Kill it, murder it!
You're gonna do great. You ready?
Babe, I've got plans on plans on plans!
Wow, the tabs have tabs.
I love the confidence.
Right?
'Cause, you know, it's not like
our whole financial security
- rests on me getting this job.
- Okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
No one else has that
Andrew Pham je ne sais quoi.
True, true.
Plus, Cam Pham eats
launches in one week.
You ready for the focus group?
Well, let's see.
Wha-bam! I got plans on
plans on plans on plans!
Oh, damn!
I think my logo says,
like, tasty, professional,
hire me, tell all your friends,
but not in a thirsty way.
Now, will you finally tell
me how much you love it?
Not yet, but
I did prepare some notes
so you know I wasn't
influenced by the experts.
Oh, okay.
No peeking there.
Or in here.
Let's get it. Woo!
Yeah, we hustle
all day (all day) ♪
Go for Leo. Oh.
Hey! Get out of my room!
Make me. Oh right, you can't.
You're in Paris.
What was
Oh, that's Moby on the other line.
He's got a hot NFT tip.
Wait, NFT? Look, I called
because I kind of
- Gotta go!
- Neighbourhood Fun Team unite!
NFT, baby!
Jojo found a dead skunk by the creek.
We're gonna poke it with
sticks later. You in?
It's dead?
Yeah, yeah. Cool, cool, cool.
Cool, see you there.
Okay, Robin is the chief
administrative officer,
and she chooses who replaces Bob.
People call her Tolstoy
because she's hard to read.
Got it. Make Robin fall in love with me.
Professionally.
Bob, who's the retiring
community development coordinator,
he will also be there. He's checked out,
but his approval's good to have.
Got it. Make Bob fall in
love with me. Professionally.
- Hey, Barb?
- Yeah?
Super clutch of you to set this up.
I have my reasons.
Andrew, it's a pleasure.
We've heard nothing but good things.
I've heard good and bad things.
Well, hopefully, good meaning good,
and bad also meaning good.
Ring-ring ugh. No,
I'm not doing this.
Sorry, it's my daughter. She's in Paris,
probably calling about
a cool croissant she ate.
So, what makes you the best
candidate for the job, Andrew?
Right to it. I like that.
I've been a stay at home dad
in Rockridge for over a decade.
I know this community inside and out.
In fact, I've prepared
a little tour to show you
the Rockridge I know and love,
along with a few ideas
on how we can improve it.
If you've got time.
- We don't.
- Come on, Robin.
He planned a tour.
In my books, that makes
him frontrunner material.
Let's stretch the old gams.
Fine.
I need to change my shoes.
Okay, check this out. Tiny libraries.
Everyone loves 'em,
but the problem with these things is
homemade erotica.
"The ocean's motion,
a titillating journey
through the seven seas."
I'm all for gettin'
sexy with your words,
but kids have access to these things!
So, I propose that we add
a teensy weensy library
at the very back that
only adults can access.
Like a video store.
That's what I'm talking about.
Next, Rockridge slides.
Correction, scorching
hot sheets of metal.
Walk it off, Alex.
A bunch of our parks have
these outdated metal slides.
If I get the job, I'm gonna swap out
these prehistoric butt
burners for plastic ones.
Chicken anyone?
Andrew, I am impressed.
Listen, stop by my office
before you head home.
Frontrunner.
Thank you all for joining us today.
Dig in and we will get started.
Brace yourselves, for you are the cho
Holy crap this is good.
Thank you, Cathy!
If your business fails, you can
come cook for me at Bubble Bae.
Thank you, Cathy.
Each of you has a
perspective that will help us
to prepare to launch this
business into the world!
Yes, just know that today you
have not invited your father,
but rather an esteemed
professor of business.
You would be wise to
keep your ears open,
and perhaps learn a thing or two.
I run a small business, man.
And you know what they say
about those who can't do.
Small man, small business.
Rude!
Oh! Hey, sweetie.
You want to join? We need
a little youth demographic.
Nah. Kind of a big day.
Gonna poke the skunk.
Don't know if I'm ready.
Oh, well, uh don't
ever feel peer pressured
to do any, um, poking,
because exploration
Should be done on my own terms.
Yes.
Y'all know what "poke
the skunk" means, right?
Obviously! It means
No results.
Hey, who is ready to see the logo?
- Absolutely.
- Okay!
Wha-bam!
Looks great.
Okay, okay! Don't hold back.
Tell me what you think.
Why would somebody hire
you to cook in their home
when there are restaurants?
Oh, no. No, no. I meant about the logo.
What?
Okay, spit it out.
Camp Ham.
- What?
- Camp Ham.
It looks like it says "Camp Ham."
Yes, okay.
I did not notice that
before registering my name.
Heyo!
Hey, welcome to the Bob cave.
So, I couldn't get a
read on Robin earlier.
Do you think she
- Oh, she loved you.
- Yeah? Good.
Is that your family?
Yeah, that's Vance and
the twins, Tina and Turner.
Hey, I want you to know
I'll pick up right where you left off.
I'll make you proud.
Listen, Andrew, I like you.
I mean, who fights off
a raccoon with a rake
in the middle of an interview.
- He had it coming.
- It was the greatest.
So, I guess I'll just
come right out and say it.
Yeah?
You're not getting the job.
What's that now?
Wait, so, you're not retiring?
Nah. All your projects
and your ambition,
it's left me wanting to do
something more, you know?
Leave a legacy.
What about your family?
Don't you want to spend
more time with Vance
- and little Tina and Turner?
- Oh, my God, no.
The twins are in their twenties
now and they are the worst.
They keep trying to get me into crypto
and Vance is making me watch
every Drag Race franchise,
starting with France.
Families. Ugh, am I right?
Well, don't leave me hanging.
Barb? Barb.
What's up?
It's Bob. He's not retiring.
I was afraid of this.
Okay, meet me in the
boardroom in 10 minutes.
I have to go get a tuna
sandwich before they sell out.
This office loves their tuna.
We can fix this.
You want a tuna? All right.
Now, are these the
colours you'll be using?
Have we considered something more regal?
Uh, that's a good note.
Perhaps a vibe that
- Babe, it's your phone.
- is more herbaceous.
- You know, with the logo
- Babe, pick up your phone.
- just throw an eggplant in.
- Given what I eat here,
- and given when I see there.
- So glad that you called.
I just need to hear your voice.
I didn't get the job.
What? Barb said it was a sure thing.
- What happened?
- I don't know.
The guy's not retiring.
Okay, wow. Okay.
Barb thinks we can fix it after tuna.
So, I'll stay?
Of course. Go get that job.
- Love you.
- Love you.
a flair! Or a vibe.
Oh, also, the font should
feel more delicious.
Have you considered comic sans?
See, the love that Cathy
has for your pakoras,
that's the love you should
have for this product.
In the 15 years that
I have had this job,
Bob has wormed his way out of every
responsibility he has ever had.
And now he is worming
his way out of retirement.
It finally happened,
I'm too inspirational.
No. That's not it.
I think this retirement has
been a sham from the beginning.
So, what can we do about it?
Well, if Bob were to,
say, accept an "incentive."
Damn, Barb. Blackmail?!
He is a loop-hole finding rule-breaker
who neglects his job and
doesn't care about the community.
He's your opposite.
The anti-Andrew.
- Exactly.
- The prophecy has been foretold.
Now, lift your shirt.
You know every phone has
a voice recorder, right?
Since when?
Since ever.
No bribes! I inspired him.
I just have to un-inspire him.
Since ever? Hm.
My name is Barb
and I'm a bylaw enforcement officer.
These are my stories.
My name is Barb
and I'm a bylaw enforcement officer.
Well, that wasn't so bad.
They hated it.
Totally normal for any focus group.
You know, we do this sort of thing
so we can catch stuff like Camp Ham.
Camp ham is the least of our worries.
Hey, we got this, okay?
But we only get one
shot at a company launch.
So, I say we push back a few weeks,
we get our heads on
straight, 'cause we got this.
A few weeks? Sam, I
I will see you Monday,
first thing. Okay?
Or around 10:00.
Probably closer to 10:30,
if I'm being honest.
But I'll be here.
Bob-o, buddy, just want
to thank you for saving me
from 30 years of hell.
How so?
This place.
It's like a Rockridge Azkaban.
Sucking everyone's souls.
What is this about?
Just telling it like it is, my man.
This place is a dream tomb.
Okay, I get it.
You want this job, so you're
trying to un-inspire me.
Why would I retire when I can
sit here for another ten years
doing nothing and getting paid?
This place isn't a dream
tomb, it's a dream
Womb.
Bob.
Dad to dad, father to father.
I need this.
My wife just quit her job
to start a new company,
and this job is my best
shot at helping my family.
Poor planning on your
part does not necessitate
an emergency on mine.
You don't even know. My day sucked.
I was gonna poke the
skunk, but I couldn't do it.
Huh?
Uh, so, you know, if you
ever want to talk about
anything with your body
Ew!
Uh, Khia, how are you?
Sorry I missed your call.
Fine.
You know, you didn't have to
stay up just to call me back.
You know what? Tomorrow
I'm just gonna do it.
Everyone else is doing
it, so why can't I?
Okay. Okay, okay. Ow. Ow!
So, what're your big plans for the day?
Uh, pastries, museums, coffee. Same old.
Hm.
It's been different
with Mannix and her mom.
And Paris is
Chicken slide!
You're tired. I'll let you guys go.
Okay. Love you.
- Love you.
- Love you.
Let's get some sleep.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Yeah.
You know, I was thinking that
maybe it's time we sell the sports car.
Oh.
But you know what?
When have the Phams ever given up?
Tomorrow Leo is gonna poke the skunk
and I'm, well, I'm gonna go handle Bob.
Professionally.
Maybe I'll just work on my logo a bit.
You're gonna smash
it, kill it, murder it.
Goodnight.
- Is Leo masturbating?
- Yes.
- Should I
- No.
How did you find out where I live?
Our tiny library has an old phone book.
Look, Andrew. Why don't you get it?
You lost. Go home.
Bob, you were real with
me, I'll be real with you.
You're holding Rockridge back.
My plan gets more done in a
year than you've accomplished
in your entire career.
Don't you want that?
Hm. Nope. I wanna do diddly squat
and get bonuses for being
"fiscally responsible."
Bobby, when your friend leaves,
can you give me a hand with the dishes?
Saturdays are for my plants!
Oops. Thought it was Sunday.
Robin is clueless, Barb is a loser,
and you are not worth my time.
Barb? You get all that?
Robin and I heard it all,
and we'll be right there.
You snitch!
Hey. Thanks for the leftovers.
I ate 'em on the drive home.
Hey, Cathy.
What do you think about this?
Looks terrible.
I know!
I don't know what to
do about this thing!
'Kay. Yeah, I'm not great with
emotions, but I feel like this isn't
really about the logo.
It's about everything.
My whole business.
If I don't get it off the ground soon,
I'm going to have to
go back to corporate,
and I will lose it if I ever
have to say the word "synergy"
- or "circle back "
- Okay. Gotcha. Question.
Why did you change the logo?
Because everyone hated it.
I said it was great, and you like it,
so why are you listening
to a bunch of people
who don't understand your business?
Because I have never
done this before, okay?
I like cooking, but I
don't understand logos
and social campaigns.
And I hate hiring staff, managing stock,
and most of my customers.
Running a business is hard,
but Bubble Bae is mine, and I
get to do what I want with it.
Right.
Okay, tell me this.
How'd your food go over yesterday?
Oh, uh
Great. I changed how much masala
that I put in the chicken and
I don't care. I was just making a point.
Your business is making food for people
and everyone always loves your food.
You're gonna be fine.
And if you crash and burn,
the offer to come cook for me
at Bubble Bae still stands.
Thank you, Cathy.
I am very disappointed.
In you two!
Why would you say it like that?
You told me this was
a Rockridge emergency.
Wh well, it is an emergency.
- Bob isn't retiring!
- Not surprising.
- And he called you clueless!
- I'm not clueless.
I see and hear all.
What Bob calls me at home
is none of my business.
You should hear what I call him.
This is my dream job.
You have the right temperament,
but you lack experience.
Have you considered one of
our entry level positions?
I hire the entry level positions!
And would you
I would not.
See you Monday?
Yeah
Robert.
Oh.
How did it go?
Not good.
Thanks for fighting for us, babe.
What is that smell?
- Oh.
- Oh, is that
- Oh, oh.
- Oh.
- Okay. Hey, buddy.
- I did it.
I poked that skunk down by the creek!
Oh, my gosh, you were
talking about a real skunk!
Yeah, what did you think I meant?
Uh, you know what?
Go take a shower.
Better open a window.
Babe, I crunched the numbers
and we only have, like,
six months of savings left.
It's fine. I'm gonna launch this week.
Aw.
I almost forgot!
I am so inspired by you.
Every single day you go after your dream
and you're crushing it.
You're pretty inspiring
yourself, you know that?
Naw, I let you down.
No, no. You are amazing.
Okay? And the right job is out there.
It's just a matter of time.
Yeah?
You know, there is one job I
have relevant experience in.
Oh, maybe we should poke the skunk?
Oh
Ring-ring. Ugh, no. Not doing this.
Ring-ring. Ugh, no. Not doing this.
Khia, what's up?
It's like the middle of the night there.
Yeah. So, I know that
it's expensive to change,
but can I come home early?
Yeah.
Of course.
What's going on?
Nothing, I just
Why is your shirt off?
- Were you
- What? No.
Why would you answer the phone?!
Mm!