Run the Burbs (2022) s03e06 Episode Script

1
♪
Should I draw a face?
♪
I'll give you $100 if you eat that.
♪
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(GIGGLING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Boo!
Nice try, Dad.
Ah, come on. I thought
I'd get you for sure.
Aw, you're carving pumpkins together.
What a beautiful sibling moment.
Check it out. It's anyone
who eats Khia's cooking!
(GAGGING) Leo! Oh, turn it around!
You know I'm a sympathetic puker.
- (Gagging)
- KHIA: Oh, no. Me, too!
(GAGGING) Stop!
(BOTH GAGGING)
- If you puke
- No, no, no.
I'm going to puke.
No, no.
(BOTH SIGHING)
How's yours looking?
Yeah, I haven't started because
pumpkin insides are gross,
and Leo wouldn't scrape it out for me.
It's okay, Dad's here now.
Boo!
(SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
I love Halloween. (CACKLING)
How dare you?
Ah, there's goo on me, though.
Ah, could someone help
me out of this? I'm stuck.
♪
Aw!
Stepping it up this year.
I can't believe we're
giving out full-sized bars
the year I quit trick-or-treating.
Yeah, it's totally not cool.
Well, it's not my fault you're
both "too old for this now."
Candy is for closers.
Okay, Hudson's haunted
house is going to be
on another level this year.
Oh, cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Now, please tell me all the
details so I can mentally
and emotionally prepare.
You know I hate jump scares.
Okay, no spoilers, but
you know that dream that
you've been having about the clown?
Mm.
It's like that, but with more blood.
- Mm-mm.
- Y'all ready to get dressed?
No, we're not doing that.
Excuse me? A family costume
is Halloween tradition.
This year I'm having an adult Halloween.
So, you're going to spend it
with these two adults, right?
Of course he is. We're
going to hand out candy,
walk the haunted house, and
then win the neighbourhood
costume contest, 'cause that's
how the Phams do Halloween.
No. Nanaji is at his faculty Halloween,
so I got dibs on the basement.
My friends are coming over to
watch scary movies and chill.
Yeah, and I don't need
to see Manix and Noor
in their couple costume.
Oh, well, Hudson said that
they're going to a party.
So, you won't even see them.
Yeah, I'd still rather just stay home.
I'll make sure Leo doesn't
burn the house down.
I don't need a babysitter.
Yeah, well, if you really
want to scare your friends,
you're going to need a
movie from my collection.
Fine.
Not fine.
We've won the neighbourhood
costume contest every year.
Yeah, the family costume
doesn't work without you kids.
Okay, but it's not fair to
assume that we're just going to
always dress up with you.
You know what?
Let's let the fates decide.
I found this coin on the
steps of the Whitlock Manor
when I was trick-or-treating as a child.
The very next day, the
house burned to the ground.
Legend has it that the Whitlock
witches control the fates of
Halloween from beyond
the grave! (CACKLING)
When a family faces an
unanswerable question,
you must flip and obey.
So, heads we stick together
and keep the tradition alive,
and tails we split up,
do all parties agree?
(SIGHING)
I'll give you leftover
Halloween candy if it's heads.
Fine, but you can't
complain if it's tails.
Deal.
Hm, okay.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Heads! The fates have decided!
I'll get the costumes.
♪
CAMILLE & ANDREW: Banh mi!
You're squishing me!
What have we done?
(MUSIC SLOWING DOWN)
(REVERSING)
I'll give you leftover
Halloween candy if it's heads.
Fine, but you can't
complain if it's tails.
Deal.
Hm, okay.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Tails. The fates have decided.
But
Ah-bup-bup-bup. No complaining.
♪
My heart is as empty as this sandwich.
Yeah, well, we can't
let this ruin Halloween.
I've got some coloured
felt in the basement.
Maybe we could go as a peanut
butter and jelly baguette?
What have we done?
Let's get the felt. Come on.
(COSTUMES CREAKING)
(COIN RINGING)
Run for your life ♪
Scream, it's Halloween ♪
Get mean, it's a nightmare scene ♪
The devil wants you
on his team tonight ♪
Scream, it's Halloween ♪
Trick or treat!
(BEATBOXING)
Can we just not?
No.
It's tradition.
Aw, welcome to this hallowed ♪
Night ♪
The Phams are going to treat you ♪
Right ♪
Full-sized bars, so take a ♪
Bite ♪
But now it's time to have a ♪
Fright ♪
BOTH: Boo!
ANDREW: Here you go.
Full-sized candy bar, Mom!
(SLOW CLAPPING)
CAMILLE: Leo, look,
it's your friend Brett.
(COIN RINGING)
Trick or treat.
(BEATBOXING)
Aw, welcome to this hallowed ♪
The Phams are going to treat you ♪
Full-sized, son, so take a ♪
Yeah, we should really
just say the whole thing.
Yeah, it's just not really
working without the kids.
- (SLOW CLAPPING)
- Wait, you forgot your full
CAMILLE: Hey, Brett.
What are you supposed to be?
Uh PB&J.
On a baguette?
Okay. Leo's inside. You
can just let yourself in.
That kid's trouble.
♪
Your parents are weird.
You have no idea.
I'm just glad we said no
costumes for movie night.
I thought we weren't!
I don't want to talk about it.
So, what are we watching?
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Face Ripper 6. High school ghoul.
Perfect. I brought a little something to
ring in our first parent-free Halloween.
Is that booze?
Chocolate booze. I found it in the back
of my dad's liquor cabinet.
Whoa, we're going to get so wasted.
KHIA: Okay, you pick a movie?
- (WHISPERING) Hide it!
- I thought you said Khia was cool.
Yeah, sometimes, and
sometimes she's a total snitch.
What's going on?
ALL: Nothing.
(COIN RINGING)
(BEATBOXING)
Aw, welcome to this hallowed ♪
Night ♪
The Phams are going to treat you ♪
Right ♪
Full-sized, son, so take a ♪
What are you supposed
to be? A piece of pork?
I don't want to talk about it.
I thought you didn't want to dress up.
Well, when you bailed on
movie night I decided to come
and save you from your
family. I had to fit in.
What do you think?
Part-time nun?
It looks like we've nun out of gas.
Nice.
Hey, check it out.
Is that booze?
Chocolate booze. Tonight,
we're having our first drink.
KHIA: Leo, I'm not
doing the song on my own.
(WHISPERING) Hide it!
What are you two doing?
BOTH: Nothing.
(COIN RINGING)
♪
Here you go.
This sucks.
Yeah, you're right.
BOTH CAMILLES: Was this a mistake?
- ANDREW #1: No.
- ANDREW #2: Yes.
♪
(SCREAMING)
(CLOWN LAUGHING)
It's just not the same without the kids.
Is this what empty nesting
is going to feel like?
Don't even.
Are you kidding me?
How perfect is this?
- Hey, Sebastien.
- (LAUGHING)
Hey, we should enter that
costume contest together, huh?
Pretty please?
Were you just a hotdog without
a bun before we got here?
(CHUCKLING) No, silly. I'm a sausage.
You see, I'm a sign-spinner
at a butcher shop,
and I had to rush here after work.
So, this is unrelated to Halloween?
The universe guides my journey,
and everything always works out.
Well, it is better than PB&J.
Alright, let's do it.
Hot dog! Yes!
Hey, would you like some weed gummies?
Before a haunted house? No, thanks.
You know, I used to
get high every Halloween
before we had kids.
Okay, and why did you stop?
Because I had kids.
Right, well then you should take two.
Okay.
To adult Halloweens.
To wieners and buns.
(CHUCKLING)
Mm-mm.
Save this one for later.
Haunted house time.
Have fun.
(COIN RINGING)
Ah, isn't this fun?
The Phams doing Halloween together.
It was meant to be!
Yeah, come on. I want
to be so scared I puke.
Khia, you go first.
Camille, hold my hand.
Leo, human shield. I
need a scare buffer.
(WHIMPERING)
CAMILLE: Hudson has really
outdone himself this year.
(ANDREW WHIMPERING)
(SPOOKY NOISES PLAYING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
- Good one.
- (LAUGHING)
Yeah, I'm the face ripper.
She ripped off my face.
Get it?
I mean, it's my favourite franchise.
Right. Yeah. Um are you a side salad?
Part of a sandwich.
- Ban mi!
- Oh, yeah.
I thought you were going to a party.
It doesn't start 'til 9:00.
Yeah, uh, maybe we should
start getting ready for that?
We should, yeah.
It's good to see you.
- Oh, this was great.
- No, no, no, no, no.
Oop. Gotcha. My bad.
Okay, coming through.
(SPOOKY NOISES PLAYING)
(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(LAUGHING)
Oh, man. No one? I just
I set up a whole scare zone.
Manix, baby, the code word
to abort is "hoo-dee-hoo!"
We've been over this!
Yeah, she left.
What?
Oh, buddy, I would have been so scared
if I was in your scare zone.
- Yeah, right.
- No, really.
The music, the costumes, even
now I'm a bit creeped out.
Worst haunted house ever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. Go, go, go.
Scary clown's now a sad clown.
(COIN RINGING)
Are we here yet? Did we start?
(GASPING)
CAMILLE: Hudson has really
outdone himself this year.
ANDREW: I know and I hate it.
Oh, look at that. It's so good.
(LAUGHING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
- (SPOOKY NOISES PLAYING)
- (WHIMPERING)
(LAUGHING)
(GROANING)
(SCREAMING)
(WHIMPERING)
(LAUGHING)
(SPOOKY NOISES AND LAUGHTER OVERLAPPING)
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
Oh, my God, Hudson, I'm so sorry!
(LAUGHING)
Best haunted house ever!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Okay, so, who needs a break from
the high school ghoul?
Do kids really get shoved
into lockers in high school?
Oh, that's nothing, okay?
My first year, some kid got pantsed
while holding a lunch tray.
He fell over and then some
other kid just stole his shoes.
Seriously?
Yeah.
But hey, I'm in grade 12 next year,
so if anything happens, come to me.
I love messing with bullies.
(SIGHING) Where have
you been all my life?
(WHISPERING) We should do it.
- (WHISPERING) No.
- (WHISPERING) Why not?
Okay, what's going on?
Nothing.
Come on, guys. She's one of us now.
One of us.
BOTH: One of us!
One of
No.
Yeah, spill it.
Fine. You want a drink?
Seriously?
Liquor filled chocolate?
0.02% alcohol?
- Is that a lot?
- No, and these expired 15 years ago.
I heard booze gets better with age.
Maybe try one to see how you feel.
'Cause we'll get drunk?
No, because those chocolates
are older than you are.
Come on.
Mm, all you.
ALL: One of us! One of us! One of us!
Okay, okay.
(SIGHING)
To adult Halloweens at any age.
(GROANING) My mouth.
Tastes like green oil smells.
Goes down smooth.
(COIN RINGING)
Hey, Brett. Where's Moby?
Oh, he went trick-or-treating.
You said we were too old for that!
You said we'd watch scary
movies. Plans change.
You ready?
I guess so.
(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Good, right?
CAMILLE: Leo, where are you?
I gotta go.
But I thought we were
going to get crunk together!
Let's party.
(CHUCKLING)
CAMILLE: Leo!?
Goes down smooth.
This not Halloween, but
it get scary round here ♪
(COIN RINGING)
(SIGHING)
I hope I didn't break Hudson's nose.
It balances out his cute face.
You should have seen your face.
It was all like (IMITATING SCREAMING)
Did you have one of
Sebastien's pocket gummies?
What? No. Why? Why are you asking?
Because your scary laugh turned into
your "I'm a little high" giggle.
(GIGGLING) Yeah, I'm a little high.
I thought why not lean into
our empty nester Halloween?
Don't remind me.
Okay, okay. You can keep
moping around like a big mope,
or join me.
Lean into our adult Halloween.
Okay, okay.
Let's share.
(SNORTING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Ready to have some fun?
What'd you have in mind?
(GIGGLING)
♪
Trick-or-treaters door-to-door ♪
Jack-o-lanterns on the porch ♪
BOTH: Sand-witch!
Spider webs and witch's brew ♪
Don't know who I'm talking to ♪
It's the season ♪
BOTH: Club house!
It's a freaky, funky dance party ♪
Wow, those buns are
toasted. Are they okay?
Oh, yeah. It's a bit of a horny high.
It's a freaky, funky dance party ♪
It's a sick and spooky disc ♪
Dropping "hey, girl"
at this costume party ♪
Dressing up and getting down ♪
With a terrifying circus clown ♪
BOTH: Roast beef sandwich!
You can tell this
haunted house is bumping ♪
♪
(SCREAMING ON TV)
I guess it wasn't so bad having
you hang out with us after all.
Well, thanks. You know, it
was nice to just get away
from real life for a night.
Hey, maybe this can
be our new tradition.
Watching scary movies with my friends?
Yeah, and making sure that you don't eat
too many expired chocolates.
We would have been fine.
Mm.
(STOMACH GRUMBLING)
Was that your stomach?
Maybe one was enough. (SIGHING)
(COIN RINGING)
I'm so sorry. I didn't know
Manix was going to be there.
Whatever.
You okay there, buddy?
I don't feel so good.
How many full-sized bars did you eat?
Can we just go home?
Okay, I know that this wasn't
the Halloween of your dreams,
but could you two just stick
it out for another 10 minutes?
We'll go do the costume contest,
and then you can go do
whatever you want, okay?
Fine.
You hear that, bud? Can
you give us 10 more minutes?
Maybe.
- Maybe is a yes. Yep.
- Okay, yep. Close enough.
- Okay.
- Let's go. Come on.
(GROANING)
Alright, last up we
got our reigning champs,
I guess.
Come on out.
BOTH: Banh mi!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Good enough. And the
winners are the Pham family.
- (AUDIENCE CHEERING)
- Aw, yeah!
Yeah, we win again!
(GAGGING)
Oh, no. No, no.
No, no. Stop.
- (AUDIENCE GROANING)
- (GAGGING)
(GAGGING) I can't.
- (AUDIENCE GROANING)
- (GAGGING)
Happy Halloween.
(AUDIENCE GROANING)
(COIN RINGING)
Alright, let's give it up for Marisol,
or should I say, Kathy?
That'll be $6.50.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
(LAUGHING)
Oh, I am I am so high right now.
Here are the reigning champs
with a last-minute change-up.
Let's see what they're going to do.
(CLEARING THROAT)
- Hot, hot, hot, hot.
- (DRUMROLL PLAYING)
Hot, hot, hot.
ALL: Dog!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
Yeah! The people have spoken.
This year's winners are
Hudson, the scariest clown in town!
Honestly, what a haunted house!
You always give us an
incredible Halloween,
and you never get to
join in on the contest.
So, what do you say?
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
What about your streak?
Nah, we're trying something new tonight,
and you deserve it.
Thanks for always making
the neighbourhood Halloween so special.
Everyone, let's make
some noise for Hudson!
(ALL CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
Aw!
Let's party!
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- (ALL CHEERING)
♪
Is this really the end
of family Halloween?
Could be, but maybe
we were always meant to
have an incredible time together.
It sucks hitting last with the kids.
Oh, yeah, there will always be lasts,
but maybe we need to keep
having firsts to make up for it.
Firsts.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
Bed time.
(CLEARING THROAT)
Hey, Andrew, you want to finally
stick our buns together for real?
Andrew? Andrew?
- (SHOUTING)
- (SCREAMING, LAUGHING)
Got me!
(LAUGHING)
Trick-or-treaters door-to-door ♪
Jack-o-lanterns on the porch ♪
Stayed up late the night before ♪
Decorating the dance floor ♪
Spider webs and witch's brew ♪
Don't know who I'm talking to ♪
Just what are you supposed to be ♪
It's a freaky, funky dance party ♪
♪
It's a freaky, funky dance party ♪