Scenes from a Marriage (2021) s01e03 Episode Script

The Vale of Tears

We peek through the wall.
Toshiro, camera
goes to the porch.
Let's close the front door.
Clear. Let's stand by to roll.
Yeah. That's great.
All right. Here we go.
And action.
You don't like it?
You like it?
No. It's just, uh
come in. Come in.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Okay. Come inside.
- Is she sleeping?
- Yeah. Yeah.
She went down early.
How was bedtime? Was it
- Um
- You got a new living room.
Yes. Uh, well, the armchair is
they were you know, the
The Henningsens?
Yeah. Yeah.
They were very pretty,
but they weren't really
comfortable for watching TV.
You never complained
about it before.
Well, I never really got
to watch TV before.
And the rug it's
I mean, listen, this is
it's really, really ugly.
You think so?
Oh, my God. Yeah.
Look at this couch.
It's an affront
to the green one.
Look, it's like they're
facing off.
Yeah, well,
it's very comfortable, though.
It's hideous.
Where'd you get it? IKEA?
Uh, yeah, actually.
- Yeah. But it's cozy.
- Now, why didn't you call me?
I would've taken you shopping.
- I don't know, I
- I mean, I would've even done it myself.
I don't know.
I just took care of it.
So, when'd you do all this
with your hair?
Uh, about a week ago.
- Oh, okay.
- Thought Ava would have told you, so
No, she's
Ava's about the most discreet
five-year-old on the planet.
Sometimes it really
just breaks my heart,
- how much she holds in.
- I know. Yeah.
How was she
after school today?
She was fine. Yeah.
Nothing unusual. Why?
Oh. Just drop-off
was a little tough, you know?
She's her stomach hurt,
and she cried a little bit.
Did you do drop-off
or did Poli?
Me. Poli's away.
He left a few days ago.
- Okay.
- It's actually easier when he drops her off.
Makes sense.
Yeah. I know.
So, you wanted to talk?
- Okay. Wanna sit in there?
- Sure. Yeah.
Oh, wow. I didn't know
you started this up again.
Oh, what, Shabbat dinner?
Uh, yeah, I don't know.
It's kind of
um, my parents came over
a few weeks ago for Shabbat,
and Ava really took to it.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Huh.
- Does that bother you?
I don't think so.
I mean, I think it's been
like ten years
- since you've done this.
- Yeah, well,
you never really liked it.
You liked that I didn't like it.
I think it's really good
for her, actually, you know?
Gives her like a sense of
and a sense of belonging.
Um, you want some?
From Rosenfeld Bagels,
it's really good.
No, thanks.
I'll take some of that wine.
Yeah. Sure.
I'll join you.
So I've been offered
a promotion.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks.
It's to oversee
the, um, European division.
Oh. Wow.
But I would have
to relocate to London.
So, you know, when
I got back from Tel Aviv,
Ackerman, he was really happy
with, uh, the work I did.
I mean, you know,
I did a good job,
just objectively speaking.
Um, so anyway we merged
the Tel Aviv office
into the European division
and he said,
Ackerman, he was like,
"Just take all of Europe."
- Manager in London's leaving.
- Okay.
- It's a big promotion.
- Obviously.
It's a lot of money.
So I was hoping that
we could, you know,
talk through some ideas and
see if we could strategize.
- Strategize?
- Yeah.
What do you mean?
What strategize about what?
Well, I don't know.
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
But what
What did you tell Ackerman?
Like, how did you leave it?
I said that it you know,
I needed to talk to you first.
It was an amazing offer,
but, you know,
I needed to talk to you.
Okay. So what are you
you're thinking that you're
gonna go back to
- flying here every other weekend to see Ava again?
- No. No, of course not.
You think that I would actually
leave her again?
Oh, all right. All right.
So then what?
Taking her with you?
No. No. Not exactly.
Yeah, well, I guess that
could be an option if that's
It's not an option.
It's not an option,
so you can forget about that.
Okay. I didn't say that
that's what I wanted to do.
I said I wanted to talk
this over together.
So why Honey, why are you
getting so upset?
This is a it's a huge deal,
and it's a lot of money.
Money that matters to all of us.
Okay. Will you just stop
right there with the money?
Well, I don't have
a concrete solution.
That's why I was hoping
we could hash it out together.
Yeah, of course you don't
have a concrete solution
because there is no
concrete solution.
So why would you bring it up?
Just to see how I'd react?
I get it.
Maybe it was a mistake
coming here.
I don't know if we can be
in the same room yet
without, you know,
hurting each other.
What are you not telling me?
Mira? I know you.
You wouldn't bring all this up
if you didn't have a plan.
What do you want?
I was Okay.
I was thinking that, um
maybe the two of you
could come to London.
Like, uh, Ava and you.
I thought that could be
a possibility.
I mean, you're on, uh,
sabbatical this year, right?
So you can write from anywhere.
It doesn't have to be here.
I mean, what if you got
an apartment nearby?
And we could do shared custody,
like we do here.
London's the perfect place
for you to write.
There's the libraries
and the archives,
and Oxford's there, so
You know, Horizons
would be so happy
to get another apartment
and pay for living expenses if I asked them.
Oh, wow.
That's very nice of them.
Well, it's true.
I mean
Come on. Aren't you dying
to get out of this place?
You're always saying that
this country's poisoning you.
And it would be an experience
of a lifetime for Ava.
It would be just
a great opportunity for her.
You can't deny that.
I can't
I can't believe
you're serious right now.
I really can't.
Don't answer me right now.
Just think about it.
Just think, like
you know, we don't have
to make a decision this second.
- Just
- Right. Yeah. Yeah.
Just, you know,
don't rule it out.
- That's all I'm asking you.
- Okay, yeah. Don't rule it out.
Of course I'm gonna rule it out.
What do you what
what, do you think that
we're just like a suitcase
that you can pack up
and take with you?
- Wow.
- That we're gonna follow you
wherever you feel like going,
no matter how disruptive it is
- for Ava and for me?
- Okay. Speak for yourself.
I'm sure Ava would be
really happy about this.
No, I think I will speak for Ava
'cause obviously
somebody needs to.
- Oh, okay.
- She just got used to you being back again,
and living in two different
houses and all of that.
But it'd be the same there.
There'd be two houses there.
- It's not the same.
- It's the same schedule there.
Mira, it's not the same.
She has a whole world here.
- She has her friends.
- I Okay.
- I know.
- And her grandparents, that she's crazy about.
Okay, she could see them
over the summer, it's
She has a whole life here.
- Do you understand that?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
A family.
A whole community.
- Community.
- Yes. A commu
I'm sorry if that word
offends you.
I know that you guys live
in this global village
where it doesn't matter
what you see,
it makes no difference
where you go, or any of that.
I'm sorry.
Who's "you guys" in this?
- Really?
- Yeah.
You guys.
Here. It was
on the cabinet.
You know,
while we're on the subject,
we should probably
start talking a little bit
about the divorce.
Yeah. It just seems like
we should start settling things.
Don't you think?
If it's, uh, important to you.
Uh, we can get it done in a day.
Yeah, I think it's a little
more complicated than that.
I'm not sure a day
is gonna cut it.
Then a a week then.
Especially if you're
planning on traveling soon.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Sure.
Whatever works
for you, Jonathan.
- That's fine.
- Okay.
Um, why? Are you
are thinking about
getting remarried or something?
What? No. No, no, no.
I just think
that this state of
you know, purgatory is just not
very healthy for you
Purgatory? Come on.
Don't understate it.
No, no. I just mean
that this temporary state,
you know, this in-between-ness.
Are you seeing someone?
What does what does that
have to do with anything?
So you are?
Oh, leave me alone.
What? Why can't you tell me
about it?
Because I don't want to.
I think, um
that we'd all benefit
from having a little more
definition and clarity.
Don't you think?
So you decided
to kill yourself?
Oh, come on.
When did you start
smoking again?
- I don't know.
- You don't know?
A few months ago.
I don't do it that much.
I don't do it in front of Ava.
Fine. Do what you want.
I'm not gonna be here
to take you to the ER the next
time you have an asthma attack.
I'm not having any attacks.
Can't remember
the last time I had one.
Everything okay?
She's sound asleep?
I didn't know
anything about that.
What, the office?
I'm telling you, that kid
can really keep a secret.
What's the deal here?
What do you mean?
What's wrong
with the bedrooms upstairs?
Uh, you know, just
felt too big up there
for us after
I don't know, the whole house
felt too big, and
And she couldn't
really fall asleep on her own,
so she ended up sleeping
with me in my bed, and
when I'd head downstairs
to do work,
she would wake up
and follow me down.
So it just kind of
evolved naturally.
I don't really need a study,
you know?
I work in the living room,
mostly, so
What about your privacy?
Well, there's that bookshelf
between us.
- It's almost like a wall.
- If you have someone over, what do you
what do you do?
I mean, Ava doesn't wake up?
I don't have anyone over
when Ava's here. Ever.
- Mind if I look?
- Sure.
You need anything here?
There's, um, a box there with,
uh, some kitchenware
and the china
your grandparents gave us.
Yeah. I'm gonna, uh
I'll, uh, send someone
to get it this week.
No rush.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
You know, I I think
I'm gonna get going.
Do you want anything else
to drink?
Maybe a little more wine?
Just a little bit?
- Okay. A little.
- Okay.
- Fine. Yeah.
- All right.
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
Soon there won't be
any trace of me here.
It's fine. It's
It's totally fine.
It's just this, uh
silly attachment to furniture
the myth of a home
and all our dependence
on these things. It's
That's what keeps
fucking everything up.
I mean, it's what fucked it up
for us.
You know, being dependent
on these objects.
Yeah, you know,
the objects never had
any real significance for me.
Come on. Our whole relationship
became an object.
The house, the family
You know what I mean.
So it's, um well, it's not
different now for you?
You don't feel attached
to stuff in your new place?
The luxury condo in the
Millennium Tower, you mean?
But yeah, that's my point.
I mean, um
I have no personal
attachment to anything there.
I just had a designer
furnish the place and then
But Poli
It's his dream.
It's his American dream,
you know?
Twentieth floor,
overlooking the park,
doorman, and all that.
It's amazing how it
gives him confidence.
I think I've reached
a point in my life
where it doesn't matter
where I live anymore.
I mean, there's no place
in the world
that would make me feel secure.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Don't be.
I'm not sorry.
On the contrary,
it's a relief, you know, to
I mean, there's nothing
like that.
Like security, safety.
We thought there was.
We wanted there to be.
But then we turn it
into a ritual, you know?
- It was like
- I know that, like
I know that you have this need
to diminish
everything that we had
No, I'm not
- and justify it. You're
- Honey, I'm not diminishing it.
No. On the
- Sounds like you are.
- No, I'm not. I'm
I'm just trying to tell you
that for me, it was, um
There was so much denial,
you know?
I mean, today, I know.
I'm alone. I'm all alone.
Nothing's gonna change that.
It doesn't matter where I am
or who I'm with.
And, um, it's
good to understand and
make peace with that, you know?
I think it's a
it's a sign of strength, even.
Nothing. I'm listening.
Don't look so worried.
I'm fine.
- Are you?
- Yes.
- Really?
- Yes!
- What?
- I don't know. I'm just
I'm, you know, I'm having
these flashbacks to
to your monologues
from college.
Every time you and Lucas
broke up, you know,
it was always, "Oh, how
wonderful it is to acknowledge
that you're actually alone
in the world."
I never I never said
it was wonderful.
Yeah, but I mean,
it was it was obviously
a kind of like mania
where you were suppressing
all this pain,
but then it would flip
to depression
and you'd go running back to him
'cause you couldn't
actually be alone.
I mean, it just was so obvious.
It's so obvious
that it's a defense mechanism.
You know, it's pretty insulting
when someone uses psychology
to, uh, try and pick apart
actual insight
that you've really had.
Can't you just believe
that this is how I feel?
I do believe you.
- I'm also, you know
- You're right. I'm sorry.
I'm not, um, coming
from the same place anymore.
I'm not 20 years old, you know?
What's with all this fucking
psychological bullshit anyway?
What, you dating
a shrink?
I am I'm going to one.
Yeah. Not a not a shrink.
A therapist.
You're kidding me.
No, no, no, no.
I'm going to one.
Um, I mean, I needed it.
And it's, uh
honestly, it's it helped me.
It is helping me.
What does it help you with?
Um, first of all,
to understand, you know?
To make sense
of everything, of
of what happened.
- To put it into words.
- Yeah.
'Cause I I couldn't
even begin to comprehend
what had happened.
You know?
Um, she gave me this, uh,
exercise to do this thing
called morning pages,
where you have to write
three pages,
uh, as soon as you get up,
before you've had your coffee,
before you've done anything.
Um, you know, first thing
that comes into your mind.
Have you heard of that?
Hmm, yeah. Maybe.
It's okay.
I'm so exhausted.
- Mm.
- It's the wine and, um
I just
I haven't been sleeping,
you know,
since the London offer.
It's just Ackerman's
putting so much pressure on me.
Sure. Yeah.
That's okay. I get it.
Um, are you okay to drive home?
You sure you don't want
any coffee?
Wait. You were
in the middle of something.
No, it's okay. It's all right.
It's all good.
- Wh
- So espresso, right?
Please don't make a big deal
out of this.
It has nothing to do
with anything.
It's just
I wanna hear about it.
It's just my I'm so
I'm so tired.
It's my exhaustion.
No. No. Look, nothing happened.
Everything's okay.
But I wanted
I want you to finish
what you were telling me,
I mean, maybe
you could read it to me.
Read what?
The morning papers, I think
- Morning pages.
- No. No, no, the
The whole point's that you're
not supposed to show anybody.
Well, but you can just
you can read it to me, okay?
And I won't tell anyone
that you did, okay?
Here you go.
I don't want coffee.
- Read to me, please.
- Why
Why is this
so important to you?
You're important to me.
I I could just go get it.
No. Okay, okay. Fine.
- I'll get it.
- Thank you.
I'm not sure
there's much of a chance
I can read my own handwriting.
Maybe I'll read you something
that I wrote this morning.
I can still kind of remember it.
It's written
in the third person.
I don't know why it came out
like that. It just did.
The whole point is that
you're just supposed to
to go with the flow.
Okay. Um
"Apparently, his obsessive
rational thinking
at that age was
only compensation
for all the anxieties.
Because there was the father,
this dominant father
casting a shadow over him,
with strict moral codes,
and he "Meaning me.
Uh, "Tried so hard
to please this father,
to live up to his standards,
but he always felt like
he'd failed,
so that, gradually, he developed
this permanent feeling
of 'I'm not good enough,
I'm not moral enough,
I'm too egocentric, '
which, in the world
he grew up in,
is the worst possible sin.
And on the other hand,
there was the mother,
who was always too weak
to face down this tough father.
But she was such
an anxious person herself
that even with her, this boy,
he couldn't really be himself,
he couldn't share
his hardships, his fears,
because she'd immediately
get so overwhelmed
that her anxiety
would only compound his.
And then, when he realized
no one actually saw him,
his true self that is,
no one could help him cope with
everything he was going through,
he fell deeper
and deeper into himself,
and kept all of his pain
and anxiety inside,
and never told anyone anything,
and this split inside him
wouldn't let him truly be
in a relationship,
because there was always
part of him that he kept hidden,
he was never fully present,
until Mira showed up.
And to a certain extent,
she saved him by seeing him.
For the first time in his life,
he felt like he might be pulled
out of the inherent loneliness.
But only after she left
did he realize how,
even with her,
he was there-not-there,
and how hard it must have been
to live with this,
with someone who was always
partly somewhere else,
inside his own head,
how that could make her feel
lonely and unseen.
And this realization helped him
deal with her leaving him,
to make sense of it,
and that disabused him
of the idea
that he'd been a victim of some
kind of sudden cataclysm."
Oh, fuck.
- This isn't good.
- What?
It's not good.
I don't I don't want this.
I don't wanna sleep with you.
It's not good for me.
It took me a really long time
to get where I am right now.
I don't wanna
I don't want to go back
to that fucking torment.
I just don't
I don't think you actually
really understand
what it was like for me
here a year ago.
I wanna know. Tell me.
Tell me.
- Do you really?
- Yes.
That first moment, I was
I was just on autopilot.
I woke Ava up,
I got her dressed,
I dropped her off
at preschool,
and I canceled all my classes,
and then I came back home.
And I thought I was literally
losing my mind.
Then there was a moment
where I thought
that I didn't even want
to stay alive.
There was lots of moments
where I was sure
I didn't want you to stay alive.
Like, I really
wanted you to die.
And then there was
there was a moment
when I wanted Ava to die.
For that to be my revenge.
And then that night,
she started coughing like crazy.
And at one point, she threw up
from coughing so much.
And then she spiked
a fever of 104
and I wasn't sure if I should
take her to the emergency room.
That's why I ended up
putting her in a bathtub.
And that lasted all night,
and I was scared to death.
I thought I'd killed her.
And it took three days
for the antibiotics to kick in.
And that was a nightmare,
but it was also the best thing
that could happen to me
because I didn't have
a second to myself,
I barely slept.
And then you came back
on the weekend
and you took her and
her fever was
already gone by then.
I was and I was alone
all of a sudden.
But I was already
in a more human state.
I could breathe by then.
And start some kind of healing.
Then a few minutes would go by
and I wouldn't think about it.
Think about you.
Then a few hours.
Think about you.
Then a few hours.
Now, I'll go half a day
without thinking about it.
Sometimes the whole day,
especially when Ava's here.
So, yeah, no way
I'm going back to that.
You know, we'll have sex
and it'll be amazing,
and then it's all the way back
to the bottom.
No way.
What makes you think
it was any different for me?
Oh, Mira.
It was a nightmare for me too.
I couldn't stop thinking
about you.
Not even for a second.
I just, uh
Please don't
please don't do that.
Don't do what?
Don't say things you don't mean
just to prove that we're in
the same boat, 'cause we're not.
But how would you know?
I just miss you all the time.
I never stopped loving you,
not even for a second.
I never stopped wanting you.
I want you now so bad.
This whole past week,
I come just thinking about you.
Hold on.
Sweetie, stop. Please.
Please. No.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Do you want me to go now?
You sure I can't get you
any coffee or anything?
No? Okay.
What time
are you picking up Ava?
Uh, in the morning,
around 10:00.
You'll have her bag ready
for school on Monday?
Of course.
If Poli wasn't coming, would
that change anything for you?
If I was going
to London alone
would you consider
coming with Ava?
What's Poli have to do
with anything?
All right.
I can't drive right now.
Stay here tonight, okay?
I got some shirts.
Do you want one?
Thank you.
- Will you help me?
- Yeah.
Shit, sorry.
Is that your girlfriend?
I wouldn't go that far.
Your lover?
Did you tell her that
I was coming over tonight?
Just try to ignore it.
She's not giving up.
That's dedication.
Sorry. I'll just turn it off.
Just give me one second, okay?
Good. Uh, yeah, but listen,
it's not cool to,
like, bombard me with
Because you were
supposed to call me.
I told you,
I'd call you when she left.
so she hasn't gone yet?
No, she hasn't.
She's still here, okay?
She's she's in bed.
My bed.
Listen. Laura? Laura?
We we need to talk,
'cause this is
this is really just not, uh
Okay, well what I'm saying is
that we should take a break
because this is just not
not working out for me
right now.
Not a, uh, uh
I wouldn't
Okay, you know, let me just
let me stop you here
before you say something
that you're gonna regret.
Look, I'm I'm really sorry
it has to end like this.
But, uh, honestly, I've been
feeling for a while that
well, you know, that
I'm not
Okay, bye.
- Sorry about that.
- It's okay.
I just couldn't help
overhearing it.
Yeah, I wasn't really
trying so hard
to make sure you didn't.
Why'd you get out of bed?
Did that upset you?
No, of course not.
Why'd you tell her
I was in the bed with you?
- Why?
- Yeah.
I don't know.
I didn't really feel
like I needed to hide it.
But you had plans
with her tonight
and you knew
it was gonna upset her.
Mira, um, I'm sorry that
that happened that way.
Can we forget about it?
- What?
- Nothing.
I don't It's just a shame.
It sounded pretty serious,
I don't know, I mean, anyway,
it's not really relevant
anymore, is it?
I don't know about that.
I mean, it's not unforgivable,
so I'm
I'm sure she'll understand.
You haven't lost your talent
for saying the wrong thing
at the wrong time, that's
that's for sure.
It's just I, uh,
felt a little sad, you know?
- I felt sad for you.
- Yeah. Oh, that's sweet.
How about you snap out of it,
'Cause you're not
my couples counselor.
Well, I just think it's a shame
to give up on something
- over a couple texts
- Enough!
Can I just say something
to you, Mira?
Okay? It's bullshit.
And I don't believe
that you believe in it.
It's a weakness. It's fear.
It's not strength.
And I don't know what's gonna
happen to you if you can't
I'm not I'm not trying
to be patronizing,
but I can see that your chaos
and your detachment
your total detachment and
I remember how
how we were back then
before we moved in together
and what we saved
ourselves from.
How we pulled each other
out of exactly
exactly that loneliness
that you're talking about.
It wasn't an illusion,
and you know it.
It was a miracle.
It was like the biggest
miracle of our lives.
And we're just like throwing
it all away.
And it's it's
It's just, like,
it's a terrible mistake.
It's terrible. And
We should I don't know.
We should've just
done everything we could to
save it, to not just give up.
I can't, uh
I don't know how to
I'm really nauseous.
Something is fucked up with me.
Something inside
is so fucked up.
Can I play you something?
Play something?
Yeah. It's
It's a voicemail
I got this morning.
Just hold on a second.
Hey, Jonathan. It's Poli.
Um, I'm in the airport
right now,
I'm going for a week,
so, uh
uh, listen
I know that Mira is going to
meet you tonight, okay?
I don't know what
you're going to do together.
It's a free country,
you're still married,
legally, so
I'm just saying,
this whole fucking
situation here
The suspicions and, uh,
the fights and all that
It it's just not for me.
You two sit together, talk,
decide what you wanna do
with each other.
I had enough.
Uh, if she wants to come back
to you, believe me,
I'm the last person to stop her,
And you can share this with Mira
if you want.
She probably told you
everything anyway, so
- just, uh, keep me posted.
- Ava. Hey!
- Hi, babe!
- Where's Poli?
Poli? Um Poli's not here.
We're at Daddy's house, honey.
But I'm hungry, and I want
Poli to make me pancakes.
Sweetie, we don't eat
in the middle of the night.
- Okay? Come here.
- But Poli lets me.
Yeah? Does he?
Well, you know what?
Let's go lay down
and we'll try to sleep,
and if you're still hungry,
we'll make a snack. Okay, honey?
All right?
But can I sleep
in your bed, Mommy?
Oh, my Tomorrow you can.
- Promise, tomorrow.
- Come on. Let's go lie down.
I'll lie down next to you,
all right?
Come give Mommy
a big good night kiss.
Love you.
All right. Let's go.
One second, all right?
Yeah, just
There we go.
All right.
'Bout I sing you
a little dream song?
I don't wanna
go to sleep yet.
Of course
you don't wanna go to sleep yet.
We're not gonna go to sleep,
I'm just gonna sing a song.
- Okay.
- Stay awake.
The Sandman is waiting
To deliver me my dreams
Keep going.
Roll on, roll on
Oh, little train ♪
Close your eyes.
Brakeman, blow your whistle
Throw your weight
Upon the chain ♪
Make way
Whatever will be, will be ♪
Between the Sandman
The Brakeman, and me ♪
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