Scoundrels s01e08 Episode Script

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf

Okay, I'm not imagining things, right? Is everyone in here giving me the skunk eye, including you? Yeah, well, you deserve it.
Word on the street is you ratted out Luther Wallace.
How do you know what word on the street says? - You're in here.
- It was a stupid thing to do, Cheryl.
- What, are you in bed with the cops now? - Kiss my ass.
As soon as you tell me what you were doing with Mack at the scene when Luther got busted.
Pretty good intel for a guy who's locked inside, huh? Kasey gave Terry the money we had set aside for full bloom, and he gave it to that moron Luther.
I went to Luther's house to get it back.
That's all.
Okay.
If you say so.
That was sincere.
That'll keep me warm at night.
I'll keep you warm at night Soon.
J.
J.
's got a date set for the appeal.
Gonna be getting out of here real soon.
I'll straighten out this Luther mess, and we'll get things back to normal.
Well, don't pack your bags too soon.
I mean, you know J.
J.
He could screw up a baked potato.
That almost sounds like you want him to screw it up, Cheryl.
Oh, yes, wolf, it's been a damn hootenanny since you've been gone.
I can't wait for the fun to end.
Scoundrels Season 1 Episode 8 I could have gone with the waveless, but I figured, then what's the point? What was wrong with my old bed? I liked it.
It reminded me of all the other girls that had been here before me.
All right.
Well, you should have just told me.
I mean, I woulda washed the sheets or something.
This is a clean slate, a blank canvas.
- Now-now tell me when to turn it off.
- Sloshy.
Now a firmer mattress is better for slower, more sensual sex But a sloshy mattress is good - for wild, active, adventurous sex.
- Off.
Oh, man.
This is, like, a totally different action than a box spring.
It's a water bed, Cal, not a trampoline.
Hope, check this out.
Yeah, it's really nice.
Okay, bouncy boy, you need to take me driving.
No! He can't.
Not till he takes me for a test drive on this.
All right! I so didn't need that visual.
Grandpa, I need you to go driving with me.
I just got my learner's permit.
I need an adult riding shotgun.
I don't drive anymore.
You know that.
Uh, but you still have your license.
It'd be good for you to get out of the house.
No offense, grandpa, but you've become a little bit of a houseplant lately.
It should be your daddy practicing with you, not me.
But he's not here, and you are.
You think I don't know that? He should be out on appeal by now.
That's what he told me.
Grandpa, I Unbelievable.
Voice-activated bluetooth, GPS, - cd changer, chrome mags - Dude, Heather, this is awesome.
Nice work, sister-friend! That's right.
Grant loves me.
And you love his wallet.
How romantic.
Hello? I just got a strange call from my friend in the D.
A.
's office.
He wanted to tell me how much he admired you for turning in Luther Wallace.
Oh, God.
Is that all anyone can talk about? - I did not rat out Luther.
- It didn't sound like you.
Anyway, just so you know, it's out there.
Yeah, I know it is.
Your father told me.
He also told me J.
J.
has a date set for the appeal.
You're kidding.
Who's paying for that? That's what I'd like to know.
Do you think he has a shot at getting out? No, I don't know if this is good news or bad news for you, but when I was working on it, it certainly didn't look all that promising.
I know.
I don't know if this is good news or bad news for me either.
You know what? I'm gonna head over to J.
J.
's office.
I'm gonna see what I can find out, okay? Okay.
Thanks, honey.
Ma, check this out.
This is amazing, man, look at this.
Yes! What's this? This is a present from Grant.
- I thought you didn't even like him.
- Well, he's growing on me.
They have an ointment for that.
Return it.
Why? It's not stolen or anything.
It's too big of a gift, and there's no such thing as a free ride.
Fine.
You don't have to drive it.
The switches aren't even on the doors in this one.
Dude, look at the speakers.
They're in the middle.
This is awesome, man.
Whoo! Look at that.
You think Heather's ride is sweet, you should check out my new bed.
Let me just say this, man-it does most of the work for ya, if you know what I mean.
Your shot.
What, are you, like, 70 or something, bro? And how exactly did she pay for this bed that "does all the work for you"? I don't know, man.
I mean, she's got a job.
I don't think that the tips at the nail salon are that good.
Listen, Cal, I want my half of the money, all right? - I want my 10 grand before she spends all of it.
- Dude, she's not gonna spend it all.
I mean, come on.
She knows I still gotta pay J.
J.
Which, as much as I love your dad, man, has gotta come outta your piece of the pie, not mine.
Aw, well, it wouldn't hurt for you to pitch in.
All right, fine, man.
All right? You'll get your money as soon as she decides that it's cooled down enough.
When did Tanya Leterre become the "big decider" in our lives? Dude, she's just looking out for us.
Where's she hiding it? All right, she says it's best we don't know.
Hey.
'cause if a cop asks, "where's the money?" we don't have to play dumb.
We'll actually be dumb.
How smart is that? Okay.
Fine.
Still I mean, do you not like her or something? Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! What's wrong with her, man? She's just like us Except for that she's a hot chick version.
Bro, she totally manipulates you.
You're like her little puppet on a string.
I Take your shot.
I've never seen you this whipped.
I'm not whipped.
You're whipped like cream.
Cal, bro I think we can do better.
Oh, hey.
Come on in.
I'm sorry.
I- I-I only have a second.
And yet you drove all the way over here.
Come on, Kase.
Why do you got such a weird look on your face? Roxy and I had a meeting.
And I wasn't invited? We feel it might be best if you took a sabbatical from the business, at least for the immediate future.
Why are you talking to me like we've never met? I'm sorry.
I practiced all the way over here.
Roxy and I flipped a coin to see which one of us would do this.
And clearly, you lost.
Please tell me this isn't about Luther Wallace.
Terry said you're the one who ratted him out.
He said he saw you at bust with sergeant Mack.
But you know me.
You know I wouldn't do that.
I wouldn't do that in a million years.
You might scare away customers.
We can't afford that now.
I'm a partner in this business.
I deserve a vote.
Even if you do, it's two against one.
I'm sorry.
You say "I'm sorry" one more time, and you're gonna be.
I'm I'll see ya.
Yeah.
See ya.
So what do you think, mom? I mean, it rides like a dream, right? What about these seats, huh? Yeah, nothing like heated seats in palm Springs in the summer.
I just don't want is guy thinking that he can buy my daughter's affections.
He's not buying my affections.
He's renting them.
- Why does that sound worse? - Oh, my God! It's a dead pigeon! Mom, what if it's from Luther Wallace? What if it's one of those, like, "stool pigeons" that grandpa's always talking about.
No, honey, it's not a stool pigeon.
It probably just dropped dead and-and fell from the sky.
That happens all the time with pigeons.
Here, just go inside, honey.
I'll take care of it.
What the hell, J.
J.
? Looking for my medication For my blood pressure.
How you taking that medication, in lines up your nose? Shut up, Cal! You have more money for me? Yeah, I'm not Cal.
I'm Logan.
Cal's the one with the bad haircut.
Remember? Hey, J.
J.
You need to chill out For your blood pressure.
- What are you doing here? - It's bad haircut! Right.
You have my money? Dude, you've been blowing me off for days.
You're not getting another dime until you tell me what you did with what I already gave ya.
I have legal fees, you know? Filing fees.
All kinds of fees.
And it's not like I don't have a lot more of it - The money.
I-I do.
- Where is it? Open it.
I can't remember the combination.
- That's bull, man! - No, seriously, I can't.
Tanya's hiding your money.
This guy's hiding your money.
This is pissing me off, man.
Cruz Come on, man.
What'd you do that for? - I thought it might jog his memory.
- You broke my nose! You should probably take him to the emergency room.
Great.
Come on.
Let's go, jackass.
Come on.
Oh! Cal? I'm not talking to you, man.
Where'd you get the cash? You forced me Drop the case, leave dad hangin'.
I had to.
Well I had to, too.
So don't run off and tell mommy.
You scum bucket lawyers, man.
Now who the hell am I supposed to have take care of dad's appeal? Where you goin'? Dog?! Oh.
It can't be true.
No.
Do you think pop will let me keep ya, Wilby? - just shut up about it - Hey, gramps.
So you remember how you always wanted to teach me how to crack a safe, but I was too busy, you know, playing video games and partying, hanging out with random chicks? - Well, I'm ready now.
- Whoop-de-do.
- Does that mean you'll teach me? - Teach you what? - How to crack a safe.
- Oh! No.
Come on! I mean, I thought that old dudes loved to, like, pass on their knowledge and stuff.
Would you just open one for me? You got a safe that needs breaking into? Maybe.
Come on, grandpa.
It could be fun.
- What kind of safe did you say it was? - It's J.
J.
's wall safe.
What do you care? Well, if you're gonna crack a safe, you need to know what kind it is.
Everybody knows that.
Right, grandpa? Mm, wall safes are like cracker Jack boxes Except when they're not.
You know, I bet you could do it in your sleep if you wanted to.
I'll bet that, too.
And when I'm dreaming, I can fly.
- Are you gonna help me crack this safe or not? - What safe? - Uh, it's the one in J.
J.
's office.
- Not interested.
Well, thank you for nothin'.
You know, it, uh, it might be fun, though.
- Don't you think? - Find somebody else, honey.
I'm retired.
Oh, safecracking's in your DNA, grandpa.
You don't retire from something that's in your DNA.
No, once you get out, you don't go back in.
That's how mistakes get made.
Costly mistakes.
What do you mean? Hmm.
Come on.
Grandpa, what are you talking about? I could sure use some peanuts right now.
- Peanuts would be good.
- What are you talking about? You have 15 minutes.
Guard! There's nobody I know in here.
Take me back to my cell.
I saw something in your appeal brief you might wanna hear about.
Hello, dad.
So what do you got? Well It says that they found your fingerprints on a betting slip at the scene of the lobster heist.
Yeah.
That's how they got me.
So? First of all, you'd never be that sloppy, leaving something behind that way.
But more importantly, the betting slip was from the dog track, and you never bet the dogs, dad.
Everyone knows that.
Even I know it.
That's it? What are you hiding, dad? You don't know Jack about me.
I'm nothing more than a "conflict of interest" to you, right? Do me a favor.
Go back to that big shot law firm of yours and suck up to somebody who cares.
Nice night, huh? If you like that sort of thing.
Mom was, uh, just telling me how you used to like to go to the dog tracks.
You know what I found out? The evidence that they found at the scene of the lobster heist they used to put dad away? It was a, uh, betting slip.
Kind of a coincidence, uh? Considering dad never went to the dog tracks, and you used to go every weekend.
I never should've gone on that job.
I should've taken my own advice, but I kept pestering wolf to take me along, for old time's sake.
- You okay, dad? - Uh, yes, of course.
God.
I got it.
Get in the truck.
You okay? I'm the reason he got caught.
He is rotting away in jail because of me.
Hello? Hello? Bastard.
That was awesome.
I'm actually feeling a little bit seasick.
Wow, Romeo.
You really know how to charm a lady.
Sorry.
Hey, uh, I need some more of our money from that stash.
What for? J.
J.
tweaked out on us, and I gotta get dad a new lawyer.
I think you've wasted too much money on lawyers.
Call legal aid.
They'll get you one for free.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Yeah? You spent all my money on this bed Our money.
And you won't give me money for a lawyer? That's why I did the job for in the first place, to get my dad out.
You know, when did You know, you become the "big decider" in my life? What? Quit manipulating me.
I'm not your puppet on a string.
If you're not a puppet, then how come it's like your mouth is moving - And your boyfriend's voice is coming out of it? - What's that supposed to mean? Sometimes I think you and Cruz are a couple of 'mos, that's all.
Oh, I'll show you a 'mo.
- Ooh! My God, we're being attacked! - Mom! Be careful! Don't get close.
It could explode.
What is it? It could be radioactive.
It's a garden gnome.
All right, I'll say it.
- Someone's trying to send you a message.
- He's right.
Like what? "Cheryl West sleeps with the gnomes?" I've known Luther and his boys since they were babies.
They're not gonna hurt me.
I mean, come on.
That's their weapon of choice? Ma, tonight it's a gnome, tomorrow, it could be An elf.
Quit ming jokes! Now if I can't get dad out of jail, the least I can do is protect his family.
I know you mean well, but I'm not gonna live in fear of a boy whose diapers I used to change.
Now, everybody, go to bed.
Everyone! Don't you have a home? Cal is my home.
All right.
No time to waste.
Everybody Man your battle stations.
Now! Come on, grandpa.
We're on gnome patrol.
Do somethin' for me.
In the middle of the street? Isn't that a little tacky? Quote that sonnet.
You know, the one from your interview.
I didn't think you were supposed to recite poetry until at least 20 minutes after eating.
Come on.
Just a couple lines.
Please? There was something about Two minds.
Um "two minds are better than one"? Uh, "it's better to lose your mind than to never have had one"? Listen, Grant.
I think I've had a little too much champagne.
I can't remember.
Ah, don't worry about it.
As tough tv cop Rick Hardy would say, "that's good enough for me.
" No way.
Oh, my gosh! It is so beautiful and-and huge! - Just like you - Beautiful and huge.
A huge, bright, shining star in the making.
I wanna hitch my wagon to that star Forever.
I Marry me? Can I think about it? You take all the time you need to, just so long as your answer comes back "yes.
" Do you see anything suspicious out there? Just a couple of neighbors doing what looks like the horizontal bop.
- Oh, come on, man.
That's not helping.
- Dude, check it out! Is that the new young couple from Dude, her boobs are, like, huge! I know! All right! All right! Everyone who does not live in this house can go home now.
Dude, keep watchin'.
Ma! Ma! Ma! What? Come on.
It's just Heather, for God sakes.
What if it's not? What if it just looks like Heather? Anyone home? Grant asked me to marry him! Look how big this is! Oh, my God! Wait.
What? And-and-and you said yes? Not really.
No.
Yes! Something went my way today.
I told him that I was gonna need a little time to think and that this ring would help me think.
Heather, you can't marry '80s has-been.
You keep talking like that, guess who won't be my bridesmaid, honey.
Scar me for the rest of my life.
I think he's totally hot, kind of reminds me of you.
What are you guys still doing up? They're protecting me.
I was attacked by a garden gnome.
All right, I'm going to bed.
I hope that when I get up, all of this is just gonna seem like a bad nightmare.
You sneak.
You should be asleep.
Where are you? I'm at the yucca tree inn.
And if you tell your brother, I will ruin your life.
Can I come stay with you? No, honey.
I I need some "me" time.
You know, not "mommy and me" time.
Okay, just tell everybody I need some space.
Okay? And you I love you.
What are you doing here?! Little drunk, are we? Maybe.
I was concerned for your safety, so I figured I'd keep an eye on you.
You were concerned with my safety? Rumors have a way of turning themselves into facts, and I di want to take a chance.
Then why don't you get word to Luther and his gnome-throwing stooges that I had nothing to do with him getting arrested, instead of sitting out here in the middle of the night in the cold, spying on me? Well, because Until the real person who turned him in testifies, it's better for us if Luther thinks it was you.
It sounds terrible saying it out loud.
But look, he's on the stand tomorrow, so it'll be over soon.
Which is good, right? And all we gotta do is get through tonight.
Wait, wait, wait.
Let me just get this straight.
Okay, to everyone in this damn town, including my husband and my business partners, I'm a rat.
And to the Palm Springs police department, I'm just I'm just a-a-a scapegoat.
Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Alone.
That's how.
You know, I'm fine.
You can just go.
Yeah, I'm not leavin'.
So how much overtime are you getting paid for this one? Cheryl You're not alone.
You are not alone.
I've waited a long time to do that.
Just don't say anything, okay? Just don't talk.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
I can't.
I can't.
I'm sorry.
I'm drunk and I'm I'm not thinking straight.
I'll get you some coffee.
No, you have to go.
You need to go.
That's not what I need.
All right, well, then you have to go.
I'm serious.
Go.
Oh, no.
I just want the cash.
No! Well, I think you're just using me for my money.
You care more about that money than you care about me! I did that job spefici Specifically! Specifically for my family, - which you obviously don't care about.
- What about us? What about the down payment for the house we're gonna buy? - What house? - The house we're gonna raise our kids in.
Are you, like, nuts or something? That's what people do when they fall in love They buy a house and have babies.
I never said I loved you! You said I loved you! I just want my money! What is Put the pen down.
Oh, my God.
Jeez! No! No! That's it, Cal! We are through! Now you and your loser boyfriend will never get your money! And I hope you know how to swim.
Tanya, I take it back! I do love you! We can have as many babies as you want! Just bring me some tape! Tanya! Tanya! Put a cork in it, Cal! I love this bed! Please?! Never get your money! Damn it! Help! Tanya! Come back in here! Come on! Hi.
Hope?! Heather?! Hi, I would like to speak to someone in criminal investigations.
I have a tip concerning the robbery at the guerrero strip mall.
Cal West's alibi was a lie.
He was not with his girlfriend Tanya Leterre.
He was with his boyfriend Cruz, and they did the job! Well, it, uh, certainly is Huge.
It is, isn't it? So you told him Yes? No, no, no.
I-I told him that I had to, you know, wait and think about it.
Good.
You take your time, sweetheart.
You-you don't want to rush into something like this.
Yeah.
Um How did you know that mom was, you know, like, the one? She told me.
You know your mom.
She tells it like it is.
I'll tell you how I knew.
I realized that your mom would drive me crazy the rest of my life, but the alternative to her driving me crazy for the rest of my life seemed Well, empty.
We just had a connection from the first day I saw her.
When she's in a room, it doesn't matter who else is there.
I mean, we'd fight, we'd disagree, sure.
But underneath, when the dancing's good, you don't change partners.
We just fit, that's all.
So if you're thinking about marrying, uh, Grant, you must feel the same way.
Um Yeah.
I guess.
I mean, I'm sure I could feel that way about him in, you know, time.
Sure.
You might.
But you should see the car that he got me.
- It is so beautiful.
- Yeah.
I'm sure it is.
But when you're done driving, sweetheart, you still have to come home.
Whoa! What are you doin' with my tools? I just figured, since you're never gonna use them again, might as well give them to someone who will.
Well, they're not yours to give.
Your-your grandma bought these for me.
She used to take care of my tools.
That's why they're in such cherry shape.
And you can forget about me ever using them again.
I told you, I am retired.
I understand, grandpa.
And grandma Rita would, too.
Of course, she was out there cracking safes until the bitter end.
Remember when her fingers were so stiff she had to wear those mittens with the tips cut off? - Still, nothing would deter her.
- Boy.
Fear was simply something to overcome.
Piece of cake.
Prove it, old man.
Everybody thinks you have to do everything high-tech these days.
Let me tell ya a secret.
High tech Is for amateurs And wussies.
I still got it! Yes, you do! Okay.
All right.
Ooh! Havanas! Yes! Where the heck's the money? There's no cash in here.
J.
J Pretty in pink.
Oh, God.
Ugh.
Speak fast.
I start charging after 60 seconds.
I think I just found something in J.
J.
's safe you're gonna wanna see.
Oh, Mack.
Stop calling me! Mom? Here! You' not gonna believe this.
Shh! Use your inside voice.
Dad was framed.
What? Look at this.
Come here.
What are you talking about? - Look at these.
You see that? You see the difference? - No.
See this one? This was from the original batch of photos.
Look at the crate.
There's nothing there, right? This was taken a half-hour later, and suddenly, there's a betting slip on the ground in the exact same spot.
Somebody planted the betting slip.
Well, who do you think did it? Sergeant Mack.
Had to be.
I mean, what-where did he get it from? I don't know, but he got it.
Son of a bitch.
He was the first one on the scene.
He's the one who called the photographer back.
Just wanted more pictures.
That high-and-mighty jackass, always coming after you, dad, all of us for every little thing.
- Then he goes and does this? - Okay, but - but your dad is guilty, though.
He did the job.
Yeah, but they used tainted evidence to elicit the confession.
Mom, I know that things are complicated with you and dad right now, but I gotta do something about this.
- I gotta get this in front of a judge.
- I know.
I know.
Then I'm gonna make sergeant Mack's life a living hell.
Drug thug fingered by small time crook Cheryl.
All right, come on, come on, come on, mom.
Come with us.
Hope's gonna drive.
Please, please, please, please.
Come on, ma.
We got a lot to celebrate.
You know, Terry's testimony made the paper, so now everyone knows he's the rat fink who set Luther up.
Nobody's gonna be throwing garden decorations at ya anymore.
All right, how about this, then? Logan's got, you know, tons new evidence for dad's appeal.
Uh, thanks to a certain safecracking wizard named grandpa.
Yeah, I'll bet he'll be out of that jail before you know it.
And plus, crazy-pants Tanya is gone.
And stuff our faces until we can't stand anymore, I don't know what is.
You know, I'd really love to, but it's just been a really Long day.
here comes the bride Where? We got married! You're kidding me.
Oh, my God.
You guys actually did it.
Yeah! Yeah! I'm sorry y'all couldn't be there with us, but the second she said okay, I didn't want to give her a chance to change her mind.
Yeah.
I swear, I'll take the best care of her.
- I'm sure you will.
- Hey, I have to go get packed for our honeymoon.
Hey, can I call you "mom"? Heather Mom, look, I kw what you're gonna say, okay? But just don't.
Just try to be happy for me for once.
This is crazy.
You're way too young.
No, mom.
Really, I'm not.
In model years, I'm really getting up there.
If I'm gonna make it, it's now or never.
This is a diamond and brass ring.
Marrying Grant might be the only chance I have to get famous.
But that's not a reason to marry someone.
Well, I think it might be.
Besides, he absolutely adores me.
But do you adore him? You know, um Not really, but he doesn't totally gross me out.
Why don't you just have that engraved on your wedding bands? Okay, look Did I ever do anything or-or say something that made you feel, I don't know, that you didn't deserve something special? Because you have to know that I don't feel that way about you.
You're a wonderful, amazing human being.
But you're not for sale, not for any price.
Yeah, well, I think that I'm an amazing human being, too.
But you know what? It is your fault.
I mean, how could I ever think that I could have what you and dad have? I mean, that's, like, one-in-a-million stuff, mo like, one in a billion.
And I'd be stupid to think that I could find anything like that.
So you know what? I might as well just go with this.
Charlie! Hey, man.
Hey.
- Hey, did you hear? - What? Hear what? Dude, it turns out the twinster's not so worthless after all.
He and hope found some pictures in J.
J.
's safe.
He figured out that somebody planted dad's fingerprints at the crime scene.
Which, by the way, when I figure out who that is Watch out, man.
Right? Hell, yeah.
Does it-does this mean wolf's getting out? Or Uh, don't know yet, but, uh, you know, Logan was supposed to meet with the judge this morning.
So Fingers crossed, man.
Yeah, I'm all over that, man.
Mmm! All right, I'm gonna get us some beers to celebrate.
Couple more bowls of that cereal, 'cause that's amazing, man.
All right.
Thank you.
You sat in here this whole time knowing that ticket wasn't yours.
What was I gonna do, have 'em drag my old man in here with me? That's what a son does, Logan, looks after his dad.
Come on.
Let's get the hell outta here.
I gotta see my woman! Cruiser, where are you, buds? I'm waiting for you.
Your beer's getting soggy.
I'm about to drink it.
Calvin West.
Yeah? I have a warrant for your arrest.
What for? The robbery at the guerrero mall.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
Dispatch, got those two in custody.
On the way to station.
Roger that.
Cheryl! Cheryl, open up, damn it! All due respect, officer, didn't anyone ever teach you how to knock properly? Where's your mother? Hope.
Go to your room.
Mom, why? It's him.
Just go.
I can't believe I let myself get anywhere near you.
I wasn't looking for this, you know? You framed wolf.
You framed my husband.
He was guilty, Cheryl.
Look, all I did was make sure they put him behind bars.
You of all people should be thanking me the most.
He was destroying you, and you know it.
- Get out.
- No.
- Get out.
- No, I'm not getting out.
I know you don't want this-us.
I don't either.
I mean, you think I was lookin' to fall in love with you? I'm in love with you.
Hey, baby! Guess who's What the hell's going on here? Wolf.
ScoundrelsSeason 1 Episode 8