Sealab 2021 (2000) s01e03 Episode Script
Happy Cake
If you're looking for me.
You better check under the sea.
Cause that is where you'll find me.
Underneath the Sealab.
Underneath the water.
Sealab at the bottom of the sea.
Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.
Hello, Captain.
Marco! Hey buddy, you wanna, I don't know, hang out or, play a game? I'm a little busy here, sir.
Trying to keep a trillion dollar research station running smoothly.
Ooh, fun! I'll be the mommy.
Beep-beep! What's that? You need the Captain? Right away? What was that? Emergency in the tank room! Better get down there, sir! I-I didn't hear anything.
No time, sir! Hurry! Run! Away! Madre mía, what an idiot! I'm here! I'm here! What's the emergency? Uhh, looks like Marco got you again, sir.
Oh, jeez.
That mailbox head! Well, um, can I play with you guys? Not now, sir.
We're about to go out on patrol.
Neato! Hey, I'll make a box lunch.
Yeah, you do that.
Umm, oh, I get it.
Ditched.
Life's a ditch! Oh! Hi orphans! Wanna play, or.
.
or Shag off! Hmm.
Ba-ba-ba-bored, ba-ba-ba-bored ba-ba-ba-bored, ba-ba-ba-bored, ba-ba-ba-bored Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.
Bored!! Hey, do ya mind? I'm listening to the radio.
But I'm bored! Why aren't you listening to me? Because I am listening to the radio.
The radio!! Yo, hey.
Drone.
Uh, yeah, my name is, uh, Ted.
From accounting.
Well then, you should know how to launch the ten-gigawatt emergency radio beacon.
Uh, no, not really, sir, I'm Ted.
Accounting And I've heard great things, Kevin.
Now, less lip and more launch! Alright, ah, okay.
You're the boss.
The beacon is on the surface, sir.
Are we cool, here? Full power! Juice that baby all the way up, Cedric! Well, it's in the red now, sir, it's, uh, you know what I'm talk -- It's in the red, I'm from accounting Yeah Eh, no, no I don't.
Ahem.
Is this thing on? Alright, sea monkeys! This is Howlin' Mad Murphy! You can run, but you can't hide, because I am live and worldwide with ten gigawatts of radio waves that won't behave! And you can't ignore me anymore, people! I will be heard!! Captain Murphy! I - Shh! Coming out! Ahem.
Alright, sea monkeys, you're on the prowl with Howlin' Mad Murphy! So, get your fignuts on! Fiiignuuuts!! Hey, jerkface! You don't just barge into the booth when I'm on the air! Booth?? Wait a second! Are you using the emergency beacon to run a pirate radio station? Ahh, crap.
Listen, fignuts.
The tour is either in the commissary by now, or in the Howling Mad gift shop.
Right.
Two things; One, you're suckin' up all the power.
And two.
The FCC finds out - So, some shriveling bureaucrats make me pay a stupid fine.
Big deal.
I see you're not familiar with their new tactics, which are unspeakably wicked.
Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! Scanners going off, Captain.
We've picked up a pirate radio signal.
Yeah, lock in on it, son.
Here at the FCC, it's our job to eliminate illegal radio stations, and inappropriate language.
Yeah.
Well, uh, thanks a lot for the f-- back story.
What? You watch your f-- mouth, you -- Ooh, how can I put this, uh f-- you! Sir.
Okay, sea monkeys! This is Howlin' Mad Murphy and his zany sidekick Sparkplug! Say hey, Sparkplug! You're supposed to say, "Hey, Sparkplug.
" It's a "bit.
" Oh, yeah! Uh, okay.
You're not gonna do it, are you? No, no, no, Skip, I am, really.
Uh you ready? Yeah.
Okay.
Go ahead caller, you're on with the zoo patrol.
Hey, this is Larry, from - Honnnk! Where's Moe and Curly, fignuts? Anyway - Yeah.
I got a joke for ya, Howlin' Mad.
Okay.
- A priest, a nun and a rabi - Mm-hmm, sure.
Go to hell.
Hey, sea monkeys! Time for a wa-a-acky prank phone call! You see the ratings, Sparkplug? Number eight, baby! And climbing! Fire tower number seven! This is Ranger Roger! How may I help you? Hey, dummy! There's a raging forest fire! What?! - All the animals are burning! Oh, my God! The cute squirrels! Ha! Consider yourself "zinged!" The zing of the daaaaay! Ha ha ha! You got me! Howlin' Mad Murphy, I love you! You know, you're my whole morning! Aw, stop it, I'm getting misty! We're closing in on the signal, sir! And then we'll drop the Hammer, right? Huh? Oh, yeah, uh, yeah, uhh.
.
yeah, we're gonna drop the Hammer.
Hey, uhh does this make me look fat? No but your ass does! Ha-ha-ha-ha!! Your ass, ha-ha-ha-ha!! Aha.
.
ahem I'll go swab the deck.
Fiiignuuuts!! Hey, congratulations! You're the fifth caller! What's your name? My name's Jack.
Great! Because that's just what you're getting! Jack! I'm looking for the sixth caller, Jackass! Howlin' Mad Murphy, I love you! You're a bigger suckup than that stupid forest ranger! He's talking about me!! Oh! Oh he's This is Howlin' Mad.
Go ahead, caller.
Oh, it's you again, huh Dolphin Boy? Well, cram it, fat stuff! People, people, people! Nothin' makes Howlin' Mad more mad than fatties!! Captain Murphy, I - Except maybe this guy.
Hey sea monkeys, it's that jerkface, Marco! What the Sparkplug, quit messing up my carts! See, you ruin the timing.
As I was saying - As I was saying - As I was - Before I was interrupted - I'm pretty sure - Ah ha haaaaa! Alright.
the FCC has closed in on your signal.
And you - Shut up.
It's time for the "I Hate Marco" show! I hate Marco, hate Marco, hate Marco and his maaail box heeead! Go ahead, caller, tell me why you hate Marco.
Hi Howlin' Mad.
- Yes, sir.
Long time listener, first time caller.
The reason I hate Marco is - Yeah? He's a mailbox head? Oh, yeah, real original.
Sit on it, Pottsie.
I can't believe I choked! Freak.
- Dumbass.
Okay, caller.
Why do you hate Marco? Attention! Pirate radio station.
- Yes, sir.
This is an FCC search and destroy vessel.
.
and you are violating FCC regulations.
Mm-hmm? This is your last chance to end your -- transmission.
Hey, hey! Hey!! I don't know who you ladies are.
.
but I run a clean show here! Maybe this will clean your dirty little mouth out, fignuts.
Oh.
Oh, that really -- tears it! Drop the f-- Hammer! Flush that, ya bitch.
The Hammer?! I knew it!! Once again, your stupidity has killed us! Yeah, I know.
Zinged ya! The Ultimate Ziiing!! Aww, sh- What, wait a sec.
Where was I? Uhh, I think you were --ing an orangutan.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's legal in Tijuana.
Anyway, then that broad -- while I -- with its own -- and then we -- That's, uh, one messed up -- You watch your -- mouth! That's my wife you're talkin' about! Wait! Mom was a --? Aye.
And I wouldn't trade her for a -- Or you either, m'boy.
You may be the son of a f--, but by God, you're my own flesh and blood.
--, --, -- Fignuts!
You better check under the sea.
Cause that is where you'll find me.
Underneath the Sealab.
Underneath the water.
Sealab at the bottom of the sea.
Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.
Hello, Captain.
Marco! Hey buddy, you wanna, I don't know, hang out or, play a game? I'm a little busy here, sir.
Trying to keep a trillion dollar research station running smoothly.
Ooh, fun! I'll be the mommy.
Beep-beep! What's that? You need the Captain? Right away? What was that? Emergency in the tank room! Better get down there, sir! I-I didn't hear anything.
No time, sir! Hurry! Run! Away! Madre mía, what an idiot! I'm here! I'm here! What's the emergency? Uhh, looks like Marco got you again, sir.
Oh, jeez.
That mailbox head! Well, um, can I play with you guys? Not now, sir.
We're about to go out on patrol.
Neato! Hey, I'll make a box lunch.
Yeah, you do that.
Umm, oh, I get it.
Ditched.
Life's a ditch! Oh! Hi orphans! Wanna play, or.
.
or Shag off! Hmm.
Ba-ba-ba-bored, ba-ba-ba-bored ba-ba-ba-bored, ba-ba-ba-bored, ba-ba-ba-bored Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.
Bored!! Hey, do ya mind? I'm listening to the radio.
But I'm bored! Why aren't you listening to me? Because I am listening to the radio.
The radio!! Yo, hey.
Drone.
Uh, yeah, my name is, uh, Ted.
From accounting.
Well then, you should know how to launch the ten-gigawatt emergency radio beacon.
Uh, no, not really, sir, I'm Ted.
Accounting And I've heard great things, Kevin.
Now, less lip and more launch! Alright, ah, okay.
You're the boss.
The beacon is on the surface, sir.
Are we cool, here? Full power! Juice that baby all the way up, Cedric! Well, it's in the red now, sir, it's, uh, you know what I'm talk -- It's in the red, I'm from accounting Yeah Eh, no, no I don't.
Ahem.
Is this thing on? Alright, sea monkeys! This is Howlin' Mad Murphy! You can run, but you can't hide, because I am live and worldwide with ten gigawatts of radio waves that won't behave! And you can't ignore me anymore, people! I will be heard!! Captain Murphy! I - Shh! Coming out! Ahem.
Alright, sea monkeys, you're on the prowl with Howlin' Mad Murphy! So, get your fignuts on! Fiiignuuuts!! Hey, jerkface! You don't just barge into the booth when I'm on the air! Booth?? Wait a second! Are you using the emergency beacon to run a pirate radio station? Ahh, crap.
Listen, fignuts.
The tour is either in the commissary by now, or in the Howling Mad gift shop.
Right.
Two things; One, you're suckin' up all the power.
And two.
The FCC finds out - So, some shriveling bureaucrats make me pay a stupid fine.
Big deal.
I see you're not familiar with their new tactics, which are unspeakably wicked.
Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! Scanners going off, Captain.
We've picked up a pirate radio signal.
Yeah, lock in on it, son.
Here at the FCC, it's our job to eliminate illegal radio stations, and inappropriate language.
Yeah.
Well, uh, thanks a lot for the f-- back story.
What? You watch your f-- mouth, you -- Ooh, how can I put this, uh f-- you! Sir.
Okay, sea monkeys! This is Howlin' Mad Murphy and his zany sidekick Sparkplug! Say hey, Sparkplug! You're supposed to say, "Hey, Sparkplug.
" It's a "bit.
" Oh, yeah! Uh, okay.
You're not gonna do it, are you? No, no, no, Skip, I am, really.
Uh you ready? Yeah.
Okay.
Go ahead caller, you're on with the zoo patrol.
Hey, this is Larry, from - Honnnk! Where's Moe and Curly, fignuts? Anyway - Yeah.
I got a joke for ya, Howlin' Mad.
Okay.
- A priest, a nun and a rabi - Mm-hmm, sure.
Go to hell.
Hey, sea monkeys! Time for a wa-a-acky prank phone call! You see the ratings, Sparkplug? Number eight, baby! And climbing! Fire tower number seven! This is Ranger Roger! How may I help you? Hey, dummy! There's a raging forest fire! What?! - All the animals are burning! Oh, my God! The cute squirrels! Ha! Consider yourself "zinged!" The zing of the daaaaay! Ha ha ha! You got me! Howlin' Mad Murphy, I love you! You know, you're my whole morning! Aw, stop it, I'm getting misty! We're closing in on the signal, sir! And then we'll drop the Hammer, right? Huh? Oh, yeah, uh, yeah, uhh.
.
yeah, we're gonna drop the Hammer.
Hey, uhh does this make me look fat? No but your ass does! Ha-ha-ha-ha!! Your ass, ha-ha-ha-ha!! Aha.
.
ahem I'll go swab the deck.
Fiiignuuuts!! Hey, congratulations! You're the fifth caller! What's your name? My name's Jack.
Great! Because that's just what you're getting! Jack! I'm looking for the sixth caller, Jackass! Howlin' Mad Murphy, I love you! You're a bigger suckup than that stupid forest ranger! He's talking about me!! Oh! Oh he's This is Howlin' Mad.
Go ahead, caller.
Oh, it's you again, huh Dolphin Boy? Well, cram it, fat stuff! People, people, people! Nothin' makes Howlin' Mad more mad than fatties!! Captain Murphy, I - Except maybe this guy.
Hey sea monkeys, it's that jerkface, Marco! What the Sparkplug, quit messing up my carts! See, you ruin the timing.
As I was saying - As I was saying - As I was - Before I was interrupted - I'm pretty sure - Ah ha haaaaa! Alright.
the FCC has closed in on your signal.
And you - Shut up.
It's time for the "I Hate Marco" show! I hate Marco, hate Marco, hate Marco and his maaail box heeead! Go ahead, caller, tell me why you hate Marco.
Hi Howlin' Mad.
- Yes, sir.
Long time listener, first time caller.
The reason I hate Marco is - Yeah? He's a mailbox head? Oh, yeah, real original.
Sit on it, Pottsie.
I can't believe I choked! Freak.
- Dumbass.
Okay, caller.
Why do you hate Marco? Attention! Pirate radio station.
- Yes, sir.
This is an FCC search and destroy vessel.
.
and you are violating FCC regulations.
Mm-hmm? This is your last chance to end your -- transmission.
Hey, hey! Hey!! I don't know who you ladies are.
.
but I run a clean show here! Maybe this will clean your dirty little mouth out, fignuts.
Oh.
Oh, that really -- tears it! Drop the f-- Hammer! Flush that, ya bitch.
The Hammer?! I knew it!! Once again, your stupidity has killed us! Yeah, I know.
Zinged ya! The Ultimate Ziiing!! Aww, sh- What, wait a sec.
Where was I? Uhh, I think you were --ing an orangutan.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's legal in Tijuana.
Anyway, then that broad -- while I -- with its own -- and then we -- That's, uh, one messed up -- You watch your -- mouth! That's my wife you're talkin' about! Wait! Mom was a --? Aye.
And I wouldn't trade her for a -- Or you either, m'boy.
You may be the son of a f--, but by God, you're my own flesh and blood.
--, --, -- Fignuts!