Sealab 2021 (2000) s01e09 Episode Script
All That Jazz
If you're looking for me.
You better check under the sea.
Cause that is where you'll find me.
Underneath the Sealab.
Underneath the water.
Sealab at the bottom of the sea.
Authorization code, please.
Nine three four Texas.
Authorized.
Commence fingerprint scan.
Confirmed.
Access granted.
Retinal scan commencing.
Identity confirmed.
Good morning, Captain Murphy.
Good morning, Gladys! Hello, old friend.
Well-hel-looo-con-su-mer, yes-hel-looo-con-su-mer, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-ba, Be-bop-Col-laaa-yeahhh.
Ah, let's see, ahh.
.
Nope, ahh, no no, ah no, no, oh, uhh, no, hah, dun-da-do-da-do-da-do-da-do oh, here we go.
Yes sir, hah, Mingus Dew! And-I-say-to-my-selllf, I-need-ex-act-chaaange.
That is exact change, jerk-face! And-I-say-to-my-selllf.
.
- You hunk a' crap! I'll have you turned into an artificial reef!! Come on, you piece a' junk! Gimme my Mingus Dew! Come on! You.
.
big.
.
piece.
.
of.
.
crap!! Aargh! Okay.
.
keep it together Murphy.
.
just stay cool.
.
take a deep breath.
Ohhh! My ribs! Oh, searing pain!! God, is anything down there not broken? .
.
augh!! No no, it's all crushed! And wet.
.
man, I hope that's soda.
Help! Somebody help me! Hello! Help.
.
! Where the hell is everybody?? Aww, yeah! This concert rocks!! Woooo! I hope he does "Bootie For Breakfast," man.
Oh, yess! Oh my God.
He totally just looked at me! I love you, MC Chris!! MC Chris, look at these!! They're jigglin', baby!! Oh, yeah!! - Alright, Debbie!! Move it, Debbie!! Hey Quinn, go get more drinks! Hellooo!! Anybody?? Agh.
.
aw, gee.
.
keep it together Murphy.
You just gotta keep cool and figure out a plan.
You've been in tighter scrapes than this Yah! Ouch! Hah! Ah! Ah! Ooh! Augh! Oh! Tch! Stop it! Hagh! Ooh! Ugh! Hah! Hagghh oh, poison! Coursing through my veins! Aagh.
.
oh ho! Blacking out any second.
.
no No! I'm fighting it off! I'm gonna make it! Aggh!! Papa, Papa! Come see! I'm going for the record! Papa! Dammit, young Murphy! I'm watching "Magnum!" But Papa! I - - Shaddup!! T.
C.
's doin'.
.
somethin'.
But Papa! Ohh! What the.
.
ergh.
.
Aw, jeez.
My tooth! What's that? Hello? Hellooo! Thank God! Some.
.
some sort of.
.
rescue toaster! Okay, okay, go get help, boy! But if, if you've got one of those little barrels with brandy in it, I, I, I, I - Hey! Don't go yet! I need brandy! Aaaagh.
.
oof!! My teeth! Ohh.
.
my faceohh! Now just listen here, you.
What! What are you making, a necklace?? Shaddup!! Ohh, it's you, Ben.
Sorry 'bout that.
Uhh, what's on tap for today? Ah, yeah.
Mango Reinhardt.
The thinking man's pop! Ahh, hah.
Thank you, Ben! Ah-ah-ahh! Ho-oo.
hold on Ben! Aren't you, uh, forgetting something? C'mon, c'mon! What're you waiting for? Daddy needs his medicine.
.
Heh, I'm sick, baby, I'm sick, c'mon baby! Daddy needs his feel good juice!! Pfff, ooh! Pff, ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah, that's the stuff.
Pff, hoo, that's what daddy needs.
Yeah, yeah, yah.
See, see see, what it is, is - - we're all a community! And, uhh, when you're a community.
.
yeah, when love enters into it Put him in a scupper with a hose pipe in him, put him in a scupper with a hose pipe in him, earl-ligh-yeigh in the mor-ning Wrong melody.
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Ben? Ha-ha, what're you doin' down there, hey! Ha-ha! That tickles! What? You're kidding! Awww, that's wonderful! You laid your brood of eggs in my navel! Ha-ha-ha! We're gonna be mommies! Ben, this is the hap- Aaagh!! That was my last tooth, you son of a.
.
whoah.
.
Tooth-stealing bastard! You get him, Ben! The eyes! Go for the eyes! That's it, you can do it! Sting and move! Sting and move! Ben? Ben?? You bastard!! You killed Ben!! Ohh, Ben, aww.
.
And your babies, aw, aw, they're hatching! They're orphans!! Aww, I'm getting angry! YOU WON'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY!!! Murphy.
.
kill.
.
robot!! Murphy.
.
smash.
.
robot!! Well, it's good to be back at Sealab.
Man! When Debbie got us backstage, who woulda guessed that MC Chris would ask us all to go on a world tour, as his roadies? - What a crazy year.
Best year a' my freakin' life, man.
Speak four yourself.
You can't cage MC Chris, Debbie.
He's a bird, man.
He's gotta be free.
Yeah, girl, let a playa play! Can't hold the man down.
Uh, anyway.
.
I wonder where Captain Murphy is.
Dios mio! Esta un grande verde! - Holy bejeezus! Oh my God! Bebop!! Cola!! Good!! Huh? Gold, right? Not edgy enough.
What else you got? Not edgy? What about the scorpions? Yeah, what's with that? Are they premiums? What? You're not gettin' it.
The scorpions.
.
are symbolic.
Of the fizz!! Ken, no bugs.
What else you got? Okay, you're right, you're right, no bugs We got this other.
.
our main idea - Ken, today? Okay, okay.
We've perfected a technology that'll allow us to put a billboard.
.
into space.
Think of it, Dick.
Your billboard would be seen by everyone in the entire world.
Keep talking Well, there would be catastrophic tidal waves.
But the upshot here.
.
kids love to surf! Rip the curl, Dick! - Hmm That would be a choice demographic, Dick.
Gentlemen.
.
Surf's up! I'll bet a lot of you are uncomfortable in your seats after watching this program.
You probably need some talcum.
You better check under the sea.
Cause that is where you'll find me.
Underneath the Sealab.
Underneath the water.
Sealab at the bottom of the sea.
Authorization code, please.
Nine three four Texas.
Authorized.
Commence fingerprint scan.
Confirmed.
Access granted.
Retinal scan commencing.
Identity confirmed.
Good morning, Captain Murphy.
Good morning, Gladys! Hello, old friend.
Well-hel-looo-con-su-mer, yes-hel-looo-con-su-mer, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-ba, Be-bop-Col-laaa-yeahhh.
Ah, let's see, ahh.
.
Nope, ahh, no no, ah no, no, oh, uhh, no, hah, dun-da-do-da-do-da-do-da-do oh, here we go.
Yes sir, hah, Mingus Dew! And-I-say-to-my-selllf, I-need-ex-act-chaaange.
That is exact change, jerk-face! And-I-say-to-my-selllf.
.
- You hunk a' crap! I'll have you turned into an artificial reef!! Come on, you piece a' junk! Gimme my Mingus Dew! Come on! You.
.
big.
.
piece.
.
of.
.
crap!! Aargh! Okay.
.
keep it together Murphy.
.
just stay cool.
.
take a deep breath.
Ohhh! My ribs! Oh, searing pain!! God, is anything down there not broken? .
.
augh!! No no, it's all crushed! And wet.
.
man, I hope that's soda.
Help! Somebody help me! Hello! Help.
.
! Where the hell is everybody?? Aww, yeah! This concert rocks!! Woooo! I hope he does "Bootie For Breakfast," man.
Oh, yess! Oh my God.
He totally just looked at me! I love you, MC Chris!! MC Chris, look at these!! They're jigglin', baby!! Oh, yeah!! - Alright, Debbie!! Move it, Debbie!! Hey Quinn, go get more drinks! Hellooo!! Anybody?? Agh.
.
aw, gee.
.
keep it together Murphy.
You just gotta keep cool and figure out a plan.
You've been in tighter scrapes than this Yah! Ouch! Hah! Ah! Ah! Ooh! Augh! Oh! Tch! Stop it! Hagh! Ooh! Ugh! Hah! Hagghh oh, poison! Coursing through my veins! Aagh.
.
oh ho! Blacking out any second.
.
no No! I'm fighting it off! I'm gonna make it! Aggh!! Papa, Papa! Come see! I'm going for the record! Papa! Dammit, young Murphy! I'm watching "Magnum!" But Papa! I - - Shaddup!! T.
C.
's doin'.
.
somethin'.
But Papa! Ohh! What the.
.
ergh.
.
Aw, jeez.
My tooth! What's that? Hello? Hellooo! Thank God! Some.
.
some sort of.
.
rescue toaster! Okay, okay, go get help, boy! But if, if you've got one of those little barrels with brandy in it, I, I, I, I - Hey! Don't go yet! I need brandy! Aaaagh.
.
oof!! My teeth! Ohh.
.
my faceohh! Now just listen here, you.
What! What are you making, a necklace?? Shaddup!! Ohh, it's you, Ben.
Sorry 'bout that.
Uhh, what's on tap for today? Ah, yeah.
Mango Reinhardt.
The thinking man's pop! Ahh, hah.
Thank you, Ben! Ah-ah-ahh! Ho-oo.
hold on Ben! Aren't you, uh, forgetting something? C'mon, c'mon! What're you waiting for? Daddy needs his medicine.
.
Heh, I'm sick, baby, I'm sick, c'mon baby! Daddy needs his feel good juice!! Pfff, ooh! Pff, ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah, that's the stuff.
Pff, hoo, that's what daddy needs.
Yeah, yeah, yah.
See, see see, what it is, is - - we're all a community! And, uhh, when you're a community.
.
yeah, when love enters into it Put him in a scupper with a hose pipe in him, put him in a scupper with a hose pipe in him, earl-ligh-yeigh in the mor-ning Wrong melody.
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Ben? Ha-ha, what're you doin' down there, hey! Ha-ha! That tickles! What? You're kidding! Awww, that's wonderful! You laid your brood of eggs in my navel! Ha-ha-ha! We're gonna be mommies! Ben, this is the hap- Aaagh!! That was my last tooth, you son of a.
.
whoah.
.
Tooth-stealing bastard! You get him, Ben! The eyes! Go for the eyes! That's it, you can do it! Sting and move! Sting and move! Ben? Ben?? You bastard!! You killed Ben!! Ohh, Ben, aww.
.
And your babies, aw, aw, they're hatching! They're orphans!! Aww, I'm getting angry! YOU WON'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY!!! Murphy.
.
kill.
.
robot!! Murphy.
.
smash.
.
robot!! Well, it's good to be back at Sealab.
Man! When Debbie got us backstage, who woulda guessed that MC Chris would ask us all to go on a world tour, as his roadies? - What a crazy year.
Best year a' my freakin' life, man.
Speak four yourself.
You can't cage MC Chris, Debbie.
He's a bird, man.
He's gotta be free.
Yeah, girl, let a playa play! Can't hold the man down.
Uh, anyway.
.
I wonder where Captain Murphy is.
Dios mio! Esta un grande verde! - Holy bejeezus! Oh my God! Bebop!! Cola!! Good!! Huh? Gold, right? Not edgy enough.
What else you got? Not edgy? What about the scorpions? Yeah, what's with that? Are they premiums? What? You're not gettin' it.
The scorpions.
.
are symbolic.
Of the fizz!! Ken, no bugs.
What else you got? Okay, you're right, you're right, no bugs We got this other.
.
our main idea - Ken, today? Okay, okay.
We've perfected a technology that'll allow us to put a billboard.
.
into space.
Think of it, Dick.
Your billboard would be seen by everyone in the entire world.
Keep talking Well, there would be catastrophic tidal waves.
But the upshot here.
.
kids love to surf! Rip the curl, Dick! - Hmm That would be a choice demographic, Dick.
Gentlemen.
.
Surf's up! I'll bet a lot of you are uncomfortable in your seats after watching this program.
You probably need some talcum.