Secret Diary of a Call Girl s03e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
BELLE: We all fantasise, to escape our ordinary lives.
And, in my line of work, I AM the fantasy.
Every encounter lingers like a ghost, following me all the way home.
It keeps me company.
Someone to share the secret of who I am, and what I've just done.
Jackie? (BUZZING) We need to talk.
(URBAN MUSIC) What is this place? It's a fetish club.
I can't tell Jackie what I do for a living, but I can open her mind.
Reboot her sex drive.
And what better place to begin her education than here? Look at them! These people are disgusting.
Most people see sex as a bit of fun.
You need to loosen up a bit.
I do not need loosening up.
You need tightening up.
Does mum know how much you masturbate? Does mum know you've left Patrick? Hannah, can we leave please? I need a wee and I couldn't fit my hand sanitizer in this stupid handbag and I am not getting an STD from one of these freaks, thanks very much.
When was the last time you had sex? What? A couple of months? Yes.
A couple of months.
How many? Six.
Or 11.
Jackie that's really serious.
Eurgh! I want to leave and I want to leave now.
You wear open-toed shoes, you're going to get licked.
Excuse me.
Hello.
Is there a problem, my love? We'd like this coat back please.
We're leaving.
Why are you leaving now? You look gorgeous! Because she's miserable.
She's hasn't had sex in a year, she left her husband, cos he had a fling, and she's sleeping on my sofa.
Oh, you poor thing.
That sounds awful.
Are you OK? I'm fine thanks.
It's really not something - She's really uptight.
My ex did exactly the same.
I could just about understand a little fling.
What I couldn't stomach was the secrecy.
That's what I've been trying to tell her, but she doesn't understand.
She's young, isn't she? I do understand.
I sort of understand.
She's never even had a proper relationship.
Oh, sweetheart.
Look, I've just finished my shift for the night.
Do you fancy a drink? You look like you could do with one.
# Take me away Just look at all these delicious deviants: toe licking teachers, busty bank managers, cling-filmed cupboard care workers.
# With this burning deep inside # The ultimate voyeurism: peeping into other people's fantasies.
You can look, but you can't judge.
Sweet.
It's all my fault, I know.
That's so not true.
Make it really tight.
Tighter.
Oh! Tighter.
Ah! Yeah, that's it.
Yes.
Stephanie? Oh! Well, well, well.
Business or pleasure? Pleasure.
You? Bit of both.
How is business? Yeah, you know.
Busy.
Regulars keep me in shoes.
I meant the writing work.
You are a writer now, aren't you? I don't know what you're talking about.
I know it was you who wrote that filthy little book.
I want to know why you said I've been ripping off girls for years.
Well, you have.
It's hardly slander.
You called me as sexy as a smear test! Yeah, I was quite pleased with that one.
It's cheap, Belle.
A cheap joke for a cheap whore.
Oh, really? I seem to remember you describing me as 'deluxe' on your website.
Well, delightful as this has been, you'll have to excuse me.
# Do I look like a slut? # Do I look like a slut? # Under the cloak of darkness, our fantasies can come out to play.
But, when the sun comes up, We all have a life to be getting on with.
Fulfilling a client's fantasy takes a lot of careful preparation.
You have to exfoliate away any hint of real life.
Jackie! Sorry, I can't wait any longer.
If I was on Belle's rate, I would have earned ã2,000 more this week.
And your point is? My point is - it's not fair.
Sorry, I still don't get what your point is.
I want to go up to 350 an hour.
And I don't want any more one-hour clients.
No-one will pay 350 quid an hour for you.
Why not? Darling, you're common.
What? They want Stepford Wives who can suck, not EastEnders who can fuck.
Just because you've known me from the start doesn't mean you can hold me back.
Bambi, we can't charge any more for you.
You're black.
Tell me you didn't just say that.
I know! Outrageous isn't it? Especially as all of you girls have superior figures.
Are you telling me I can't go up to Are you telling me I can't go up to The clients won't pay for black girls.
And don't blame me.
Blame the racist clients.
Yes, hello.
I've got a lovely girl as dev Right.
Shut up! I might not be as posh as you, but you can fuck off if you think I'm gonna stand here and let you tell me I'm cheap because I'm black.
I'm not racist.
It's just a fact that clients do not pay for - No, no, no, no.
You're not listening to me, yeah.
(ENUNCIATES CLEARLY) Didn't they teach you to listen in posh school? You set our rates, not the clients.
I can't dictate people's sexual preferences.
You can dictate that black girls - and, by way, I'm mixed race - are worth less than white girls? Do you do that? Do you do that? Because if there is somebody else in charge, I would like to speak to them please.
Have you been in here again? What are you looking for? It doesn't matter.
(PHONE RINGS) Do you want me to get that? No, just leave it.
Han, it's Ben.
I'm coming over with some booze to celebrate.
I've just finished reading - Why didn't you pick it up? When are you going to go home? (BUZZER) Who's that? No-one.
It must be someone.
Why don't you check the train times on my laptop? (KNOCK ON DOOR) What do you want? You haven't been answering your phone.
Stephanie's given me a booking with an aristocrat and I just need to go through some things.
I'm in a rush, Bambi - But it's my biggest client yet.
Yeah and I've got a client too, and I'm in a rush.
That's OK, I'll talk, you get ready.
No.
Well, why not? Cos my sister's still here and you can't meet her.
Now I've got to go.
Why? Is it because I'm common? What? Is it because I'm black? No, it's because you're a whore, you muppet.
Belle! What was all that about? Just a neighbour complaining about noise.
Oh, sorry, I dropped that last night in the club.
I don't think any of those people last night were happy.
Mm-hm? I mean, they were nice people but the way they live their lives 'Oh, look at me! I've got a bolt through my winkle.
I've never had a normal relationship.
' And your relationship with Patrick is going just perfect, isn't it? What's that supposed to mean? Forget it.
Come on.
No.
There's no point.
Hannah, I want to know what you think you know.
All right.
You treat him like a pet, not a man.
You run him down in front of everyone.
And you're a relationship expert now, are you? You know what, let's just leave it, shall we? Let's not just leave it.
I don't see why you think you're so qualified to dole out advice.
I'm not.
Who do you think you are? Your life is going nowhere.
Mum and Dad are always saying how disappointed they are with you, not using your degree, not getting a proper job.
And they'd rather me have a dead end job in a dead end marriage in a dead end town like you, would they? Yes.
Because at least then you wouldn't be a secretary whose only chance of getting anywhere is by fucking her way to the top.
And what have you ever achieved? A dried-up marriage with some boring man you can't even keep! I can't believe you just hit me.
Savile Row, please.
Don't take notes, OK? This is not the way to create a fantasy.
Oh, no.
Oh, for fuck's sake! Hey! Oh, hi.
Come up.
Hello? Hi.
Hi.
What's What's this for? Oh, I've come to celebrate.
Is Han in? She's out, butI'm in.
Hmm.
For this client, everything has to be just so.
Hamish.
Oh, Belle, you look amazing.
I don't normally drink on the job, but today I'm feeling naughty.
That's good to hear.
Not just yet.
What? Oh! Yeah, yeah.
Now, I know you asked for black underwear but today, I dunno, today felt like a red day.
Red.
It certainly is a red day.
Is it OK? This is great, yeah.
I was worried you wouldn't want me.
It's perfect.
You're perfect.
I thought I might be in trouble, if I got something wrong.
You are in trouble now.
Come with me.
Oh, what happened to your eye? It's I knocked it earlier.
It's fine.
Hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on.
I need to know how it happened.
Really? You weren't hit by your pimp, were you? If you have to know, I had a fight with my sister over some lipstick.
So it wasn't a pimp? No.
It was a sister.
OK.
OK.
Sorry, sorry.
No.
It's not happening.
What? Why? Look I can't do this.
Not with You shouldn't have a bruised eye.
But Look, it's not how I had it It's not sexy.
Well, we could dim the lights.
No, no, it's OK.
You could try squinting.
You could put a bag over my head.
You could put a bag over your head.
It's not going to happen, is it? Sorry, I think the moment's passed.
It's OK, don't apologise.
It's just a bitreal.
Yeah.
No, I totally get it.
Once the sexy bubble's burst, it's burst.
Well, that went well (!) Yeah, I'm on the right street, I think.
Where are you? You still there? Yeah, I can't see you.
Bambi! Is there anybody called Bambi out here? Yeah, its me.
Hi.
Hello, I'm Byron.
How the fuck are you? Did you just curtsey, then? Yeah.
Well don't.
You look ridiculous.
You're not American, are you? No.
Yes, well, don't.
Where are we going? Excellent.
I'm very glad you asked that.
Would you be so kind as to remove your shoes for me? Er.
OK.
Marvellous.
Why? Well, because now, I'm afraid, we're going to have to run.
What? OK.
Run! Oh, my days.
This is amazing.
Woo! (LAUGHS) What? Oh, what? Drink it.
This is a disgrace, referee This is the best game of chess I've ever played.
Ever.
Play much, do you? This is the first time.
No, I like my games with, like, balls in the middle.
Ball sports.
Only ball games I like.
Drink! Drink! Thank you.
Do you know what else I like? What? You, pissed.
It's brilliant.
You should be pissed more often.
Am I more fun? Yeah.
Moresexy? Well, yeah.
Wow! (GROANING) What? Get out of my sister! Oh, Han.
I'm sorry, Han.
What are you doing, Ben? We were playing chess.
Oh.
Bye, Han.
What are you playing at? It's just a bit of fun.
You haven't had sex in a year and the first person you choose to do it with is my best mate.
You're the one who wanted me to whatsitloosen up.
Where are you going? I'm going to Ben's.
Finish what we started.
We had a fight.
You punched me.
Is there anything you want to say? Is there anything you wanna say to me? Yeah, don't go to Ben's.
You don't want me here, remember.
I don't want you at Ben's either.
# ROY ORBISON: Mystery Girl The key to fantasy is knowing that you're in one.
It's when you start thinking it's real that things become complicated.
Fantasy and reality, and never the twain shall meet.
What do you do when you can't write? Writer's block? I'm all alone in the flat and I can't write.
And everyone's gone out and I've finally got peace and quiet and I justI can't do it, you know, I just sit here.
Nothing happens.
Well, maybe you just need someone to talk to.
Maybe.
I'd like to hear whatever you have to say, whether it's in a book, over the phone, whatever.
I bet you say that to all your writers.
How was your day? We want to know about desire.
How it works.
What's underneath it? No problem.
Why don't you tell me what you'd like to do? I want to fuck you really hard.
Sorry.
You're really unapologetic about your enjoyment of the job.
That'swhat I do.
And, in my line of work, I AM the fantasy.
Every encounter lingers like a ghost, following me all the way home.
It keeps me company.
Someone to share the secret of who I am, and what I've just done.
Jackie? (BUZZING) We need to talk.
(URBAN MUSIC) What is this place? It's a fetish club.
I can't tell Jackie what I do for a living, but I can open her mind.
Reboot her sex drive.
And what better place to begin her education than here? Look at them! These people are disgusting.
Most people see sex as a bit of fun.
You need to loosen up a bit.
I do not need loosening up.
You need tightening up.
Does mum know how much you masturbate? Does mum know you've left Patrick? Hannah, can we leave please? I need a wee and I couldn't fit my hand sanitizer in this stupid handbag and I am not getting an STD from one of these freaks, thanks very much.
When was the last time you had sex? What? A couple of months? Yes.
A couple of months.
How many? Six.
Or 11.
Jackie that's really serious.
Eurgh! I want to leave and I want to leave now.
You wear open-toed shoes, you're going to get licked.
Excuse me.
Hello.
Is there a problem, my love? We'd like this coat back please.
We're leaving.
Why are you leaving now? You look gorgeous! Because she's miserable.
She's hasn't had sex in a year, she left her husband, cos he had a fling, and she's sleeping on my sofa.
Oh, you poor thing.
That sounds awful.
Are you OK? I'm fine thanks.
It's really not something - She's really uptight.
My ex did exactly the same.
I could just about understand a little fling.
What I couldn't stomach was the secrecy.
That's what I've been trying to tell her, but she doesn't understand.
She's young, isn't she? I do understand.
I sort of understand.
She's never even had a proper relationship.
Oh, sweetheart.
Look, I've just finished my shift for the night.
Do you fancy a drink? You look like you could do with one.
# Take me away Just look at all these delicious deviants: toe licking teachers, busty bank managers, cling-filmed cupboard care workers.
# With this burning deep inside # The ultimate voyeurism: peeping into other people's fantasies.
You can look, but you can't judge.
Sweet.
It's all my fault, I know.
That's so not true.
Make it really tight.
Tighter.
Oh! Tighter.
Ah! Yeah, that's it.
Yes.
Stephanie? Oh! Well, well, well.
Business or pleasure? Pleasure.
You? Bit of both.
How is business? Yeah, you know.
Busy.
Regulars keep me in shoes.
I meant the writing work.
You are a writer now, aren't you? I don't know what you're talking about.
I know it was you who wrote that filthy little book.
I want to know why you said I've been ripping off girls for years.
Well, you have.
It's hardly slander.
You called me as sexy as a smear test! Yeah, I was quite pleased with that one.
It's cheap, Belle.
A cheap joke for a cheap whore.
Oh, really? I seem to remember you describing me as 'deluxe' on your website.
Well, delightful as this has been, you'll have to excuse me.
# Do I look like a slut? # Do I look like a slut? # Under the cloak of darkness, our fantasies can come out to play.
But, when the sun comes up, We all have a life to be getting on with.
Fulfilling a client's fantasy takes a lot of careful preparation.
You have to exfoliate away any hint of real life.
Jackie! Sorry, I can't wait any longer.
If I was on Belle's rate, I would have earned ã2,000 more this week.
And your point is? My point is - it's not fair.
Sorry, I still don't get what your point is.
I want to go up to 350 an hour.
And I don't want any more one-hour clients.
No-one will pay 350 quid an hour for you.
Why not? Darling, you're common.
What? They want Stepford Wives who can suck, not EastEnders who can fuck.
Just because you've known me from the start doesn't mean you can hold me back.
Bambi, we can't charge any more for you.
You're black.
Tell me you didn't just say that.
I know! Outrageous isn't it? Especially as all of you girls have superior figures.
Are you telling me I can't go up to Are you telling me I can't go up to The clients won't pay for black girls.
And don't blame me.
Blame the racist clients.
Yes, hello.
I've got a lovely girl as dev Right.
Shut up! I might not be as posh as you, but you can fuck off if you think I'm gonna stand here and let you tell me I'm cheap because I'm black.
I'm not racist.
It's just a fact that clients do not pay for - No, no, no, no.
You're not listening to me, yeah.
(ENUNCIATES CLEARLY) Didn't they teach you to listen in posh school? You set our rates, not the clients.
I can't dictate people's sexual preferences.
You can dictate that black girls - and, by way, I'm mixed race - are worth less than white girls? Do you do that? Do you do that? Because if there is somebody else in charge, I would like to speak to them please.
Have you been in here again? What are you looking for? It doesn't matter.
(PHONE RINGS) Do you want me to get that? No, just leave it.
Han, it's Ben.
I'm coming over with some booze to celebrate.
I've just finished reading - Why didn't you pick it up? When are you going to go home? (BUZZER) Who's that? No-one.
It must be someone.
Why don't you check the train times on my laptop? (KNOCK ON DOOR) What do you want? You haven't been answering your phone.
Stephanie's given me a booking with an aristocrat and I just need to go through some things.
I'm in a rush, Bambi - But it's my biggest client yet.
Yeah and I've got a client too, and I'm in a rush.
That's OK, I'll talk, you get ready.
No.
Well, why not? Cos my sister's still here and you can't meet her.
Now I've got to go.
Why? Is it because I'm common? What? Is it because I'm black? No, it's because you're a whore, you muppet.
Belle! What was all that about? Just a neighbour complaining about noise.
Oh, sorry, I dropped that last night in the club.
I don't think any of those people last night were happy.
Mm-hm? I mean, they were nice people but the way they live their lives 'Oh, look at me! I've got a bolt through my winkle.
I've never had a normal relationship.
' And your relationship with Patrick is going just perfect, isn't it? What's that supposed to mean? Forget it.
Come on.
No.
There's no point.
Hannah, I want to know what you think you know.
All right.
You treat him like a pet, not a man.
You run him down in front of everyone.
And you're a relationship expert now, are you? You know what, let's just leave it, shall we? Let's not just leave it.
I don't see why you think you're so qualified to dole out advice.
I'm not.
Who do you think you are? Your life is going nowhere.
Mum and Dad are always saying how disappointed they are with you, not using your degree, not getting a proper job.
And they'd rather me have a dead end job in a dead end marriage in a dead end town like you, would they? Yes.
Because at least then you wouldn't be a secretary whose only chance of getting anywhere is by fucking her way to the top.
And what have you ever achieved? A dried-up marriage with some boring man you can't even keep! I can't believe you just hit me.
Savile Row, please.
Don't take notes, OK? This is not the way to create a fantasy.
Oh, no.
Oh, for fuck's sake! Hey! Oh, hi.
Come up.
Hello? Hi.
Hi.
What's What's this for? Oh, I've come to celebrate.
Is Han in? She's out, butI'm in.
Hmm.
For this client, everything has to be just so.
Hamish.
Oh, Belle, you look amazing.
I don't normally drink on the job, but today I'm feeling naughty.
That's good to hear.
Not just yet.
What? Oh! Yeah, yeah.
Now, I know you asked for black underwear but today, I dunno, today felt like a red day.
Red.
It certainly is a red day.
Is it OK? This is great, yeah.
I was worried you wouldn't want me.
It's perfect.
You're perfect.
I thought I might be in trouble, if I got something wrong.
You are in trouble now.
Come with me.
Oh, what happened to your eye? It's I knocked it earlier.
It's fine.
Hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on.
I need to know how it happened.
Really? You weren't hit by your pimp, were you? If you have to know, I had a fight with my sister over some lipstick.
So it wasn't a pimp? No.
It was a sister.
OK.
OK.
Sorry, sorry.
No.
It's not happening.
What? Why? Look I can't do this.
Not with You shouldn't have a bruised eye.
But Look, it's not how I had it It's not sexy.
Well, we could dim the lights.
No, no, it's OK.
You could try squinting.
You could put a bag over my head.
You could put a bag over your head.
It's not going to happen, is it? Sorry, I think the moment's passed.
It's OK, don't apologise.
It's just a bitreal.
Yeah.
No, I totally get it.
Once the sexy bubble's burst, it's burst.
Well, that went well (!) Yeah, I'm on the right street, I think.
Where are you? You still there? Yeah, I can't see you.
Bambi! Is there anybody called Bambi out here? Yeah, its me.
Hi.
Hello, I'm Byron.
How the fuck are you? Did you just curtsey, then? Yeah.
Well don't.
You look ridiculous.
You're not American, are you? No.
Yes, well, don't.
Where are we going? Excellent.
I'm very glad you asked that.
Would you be so kind as to remove your shoes for me? Er.
OK.
Marvellous.
Why? Well, because now, I'm afraid, we're going to have to run.
What? OK.
Run! Oh, my days.
This is amazing.
Woo! (LAUGHS) What? Oh, what? Drink it.
This is a disgrace, referee This is the best game of chess I've ever played.
Ever.
Play much, do you? This is the first time.
No, I like my games with, like, balls in the middle.
Ball sports.
Only ball games I like.
Drink! Drink! Thank you.
Do you know what else I like? What? You, pissed.
It's brilliant.
You should be pissed more often.
Am I more fun? Yeah.
Moresexy? Well, yeah.
Wow! (GROANING) What? Get out of my sister! Oh, Han.
I'm sorry, Han.
What are you doing, Ben? We were playing chess.
Oh.
Bye, Han.
What are you playing at? It's just a bit of fun.
You haven't had sex in a year and the first person you choose to do it with is my best mate.
You're the one who wanted me to whatsitloosen up.
Where are you going? I'm going to Ben's.
Finish what we started.
We had a fight.
You punched me.
Is there anything you want to say? Is there anything you wanna say to me? Yeah, don't go to Ben's.
You don't want me here, remember.
I don't want you at Ben's either.
# ROY ORBISON: Mystery Girl The key to fantasy is knowing that you're in one.
It's when you start thinking it's real that things become complicated.
Fantasy and reality, and never the twain shall meet.
What do you do when you can't write? Writer's block? I'm all alone in the flat and I can't write.
And everyone's gone out and I've finally got peace and quiet and I justI can't do it, you know, I just sit here.
Nothing happens.
Well, maybe you just need someone to talk to.
Maybe.
I'd like to hear whatever you have to say, whether it's in a book, over the phone, whatever.
I bet you say that to all your writers.
How was your day? We want to know about desire.
How it works.
What's underneath it? No problem.
Why don't you tell me what you'd like to do? I want to fuck you really hard.
Sorry.
You're really unapologetic about your enjoyment of the job.
That'swhat I do.