Seed (2013) s02e01 Episode Script

The Second Coming

Previously, on Seed.
It's me.
Billy.
You're my dad.
What? You gave my mom your frozen sperm.
The sperm I donated was room temperature.
Who is this? I'm not a bastard anymore.
I think you're my father.
Is this you? It was in my sperm donor's file.
Did you hear? I'm going to have a baby brother or sister.
You've spawned again? God, what do you eat.
I'm having this baby right now.
So, how's this going to work? We'll figure it out.
Harry? Oh yeah, that's definitely my son.
That's a leg.
And it's a she.
And she's not yours.
Nah, it's probably mine.
I'm scarily fertile.
Not yours.
I'm seven months pregnant and I haven't seen you in nine.
Still.
You'd be surprised.
Nature finds a way.
I wouldn't get accidentally pregnant with your kid.
I got accidentally pregnant with someone much richer, and handsomer than you.
Handsomer? And even if you were the father, I'd be crazy to let you anywhere near my baby.
No offense.
Oh no, none taken.
Well, I hope you and Harry are very happy together.
No, no, we're not a couple.
Rose knows I'm incapable of having a relationship.
Yeah.
Harry's not the kind of guy who falls in love.
He's the kind of guy who loves himself into a cup, anonymously.
I'm her anonymous sperm donor.
So you two have never hooked up? Ever? But you're going to let him be involved with your newborn baby? Harry? Well Hey You can't trust him.
As soon as things get real, Harry'll disappear.
Won'tcha Harry? _ Harry disappeared, didn't he Charlie? Yes he did.
Yes he did.
Here I am! There he is! There I am.
Back again.
Did you know that Anastasia is planning to drop math? Look, I know math may seem useless to you now, but imagine you're on a train, leaving Chicago, going 70 miles an hour, and then there's another train leaving Montreal It's frustrating feeling like you're not being heard.
I'm sorry, what? Does anybody here respect my input? Of course I do, Jonathan.
You didn't listen to one thing I said about redecorating the condo.
That's because you said not to redecorate.
Ohhhh.
My parents are so lame.
You'd let me drop math, right? Definitely.
I dropped math in high school.
Yes.
Huge tip.
No.
Look, just tell your parents you want to drop out of school.
They'd never let me.
Right, but then you negotiate down to "just" dropping math.
Ask big, settle small.
That'll never work.
Yeah, maybe you're right, Irene.
Oh hey, I need next week off.
No way.
Just Tuesday then? Fine.
Ugh.
Jerk.
Okay, all set for the park.
Diapers are fresh, bottle is warm, and the apple sauce is delicious I tasted it.
You're the best.
Isn't he the best Charlie.
This is your life now? Spending all your time with your sperm kids? You're becoming some kind of "father.
" Oh, please.
Would a normal father use his baby to pick up hot chicks? You haven't been on a date in months.
I was just waiting for Charlie to fully bloom.
He wasn't the best looking newborn.
His head went off to the side like a Smurf hat.
But look at him now.
Mr.
Symmetrical.
You're just scared to date, because you know that Rose is going to be jealous.
Oh come on.
We have no emotional ties.
None.
We're just friends raising our son.
Mmm.
There is no way two people can get this involved without it getting complicated.
The second you go on a date, you'll see the jealousy.
Ugh, maybe you're right.
I am irresistible.
So that was Ms.
Jaworski.
Billy lost his recess privileges.
Again.
Sweetie, are you acting out because we're going to try and have another baby? Are you feeling jealous? I'm not jealous.
That's immature fourth grade stuff.
Okay, so then why did you pull the hair of a girl in your class? Wait, you did what? That is not acceptable behaviour young man.
Wait, wait You pulled a girl's hair? Oh my universe.
You have a crush on a girl.
This is why I wanted to be a mom.
To instill pearls of wisdom like only a mother can I should talk to Harry.
He's a guy.
Love.
Ugh.
Give me another.
Ginger ale doesn't cure heartache.
I think you've had enough.
I said give me another.
Coming right up.
How do you deal with these feelings, Harry? I don't.
I avoid deep feelings for one woman by having shallow feelings for lots of women.
But I only have one crush.
Billy, you gotta work the numbers.
What numbers? The number of girls you like.
Increase your odds.
- My odds of what? - Of scoring a girl's heart.
Maybe you should talk to your moms about this, kid.
The last serious relationship Harry was in was never.
That's because I understand relationships.
Understand they're awful.
The heart wants what it wants.
All right, I tried.
Let's get you home.
Just don't pull a girl's hair because you like her, ok? Got it.
The best thing about play-dates is the haggard-Mom look is the in look.
Where are you and the moms going? Don't be sexist.
There are men there as well.
Kyle's Dad actually organized the play-date.
"Kyle's Dad?" At the park I'm "Charlie's Mom.
" Dads hang out at the baby park? Are there any hot moms there? Because I am so single.
Yeah, Charlie would be a great chick magnet.
So you'd be totally fine if I dated? Oh, my, God.
Irene had me believing that you'd be jealous if I dated.
Ridiculous.
I know you're a womanizer incapable of being in a real relationship.
You so get me.
They're early.
Can you get that? I'm going to get Charlie out of the crib.
Yeah.
Hey! Hey.
Kyle's Dad? Charlie's Dad.
Well, sort of, I don't live here.
You see Right, the sperm donor.
- Harry? - That's it.
Where's ah, where's Kyle? Oh, ah, he's with his mom.
We're divorced.
But I'm trying to get back in the game.
So you're here to see just Rose? Oh yeah, yeah, we made plans.
Is she You have to see Charlie sleeping he's so cute Kyle's Dad thinks it's a date-date.
Not a play-date.
Seriously? What do I do? Well, I mean, I could talk to the poor schlub I need to change.
And I haven't shaved my legs in a month.
Do I shave one of them? Or both just up to the knee? No, you can't go on a date with him.
Why? Because because Well I can't watch Charlie.
I have plans.
Right.
I have a baby.
And I love him.
I'm a great mom.
But Kyle's Dad is cute.
His face is so clean.
I'll just, um, I'll reschedule with Kyle's Dad.
Does this guy have a real name? Yeah, I didn't think I needed to remember it.
I'm going on a date! You're pulling my hair.
Oh, sorry.
Ah, sorry.
Ana wants to quit school! No, she doesn't.
She just wants to quit math.
Oh, that we can handle.
I told her to threaten to quit school and then settle for dropping math.
Anyway, I need your advice.
You tried to get Ana to manipulate us? That is so irresponsib You need my advice? Yes.
You need MY advice? I should change.
Rose is going on a date tomorrow, and I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Harry.
It's obvious stomach flu.
No, lately, I've been enjoying spending time with Rose, you know talking, sharing feelings, you know, connecting.
I haven't been on a date in months and Are you going to throw up? Oh, God, I like Rose.
No, no, no.
I like the mother of my child.
I like the mother of my child too.
You were right to come to me.
I can so relate.
I'm your perfect advice man.
Great.
So what do I do now? Well first, uh I've had no prep for this discussion.
Look, we know liking someone is hard.
But we're here for you.
Yeah, you have to be open and honest about how you feel.
So I should tell Rose? What? About Billy.
I should tell Rose about Billy's crush? Forget it.
So, what you're saying to Billy is that if you like a girl, you tell her? Well you can't just ignore it.
No no no, Billy, you gotta to get her out of your head.
Okay, so you can either listen to Harry's advice, slash guesses, about girls, or talk to us.
Women.
Female ladies.
And us women think that you need to tell your crush how you feel.
But what if this girl Billy likes, likes someone else.
Maybe she's going out with some jerk later today.
And all you're thinking is, what am I doing? I'm incapable of relationships, right? I'm young and hip, and who wants to settle down? No one! No one!! Is that what you're thinking? Not really.
You need to connect with her, Billy.
Just find some things in common.
Yeah.
Give her a little gift.
But take things slow.
You're sure? Positive.
What's gotten into you, Billy? Acting out again.
It's your third time having lunch in the classroom this week.
Oh, well.
Just the two of us.
Here.
I brought you these.
Peeled apple slices? Anyone can bring you an apple with skin.
But these say I care.
Thank-you.
Oh, Charlotte's Web.
I'm reading the same book.
We have so much in common.
The whole class is reading it.
Still.
Why don't you focus on your Adventures in Grammar workbook.
I haven't been on a first date in a very long time.
Not since you got pregnant? Oh no, I went on a first date when I was pregnant.
He was cute.
Had a pregnancy fetish.
I reveal way too much in small talk.
I have not been on a date since my ex wife seven years ago.
Although apparently she went on many a date during that time.
Look at me, I'm just talking about my previous relationship on a first date.
You're as socially inept as I am.
I need to talk to you about Anastasia.
Just do what you think is right.
Jonathan, your daughter wants to quit school! No she doesn't, she's just bluffing so we'll let her drop math.
So she's trying to manipulate us.
So how shall we handle this? Now you want my advice.
Look, I'm sorry, you're just gonna have to take a number.
But I just asked you to She is not going to play us.
I'm calling her bluff.
Wait, what's your advice? I don't have any yet.
There's not a lot of advice on the internet for "sperm donors in love with the" mother of their child.
" I'm not in love.
I'm just confused.
Where are you? I borrowed Rose's car to take Charlie for a ride.
It helps him fall asleep.
This has nothing to do with Rose.
I'm like all the stalker exes I've ever had.
Except I don't have amazing cleavage, or great legs.
Are you kidding me? I'd kill to have legs like yours.
Thank you.
Oh God, hold on.
Hello? Harry? I'm just at home with the baby.
Why do you ask? Well, I didn't.
I was just checking in to make sure everything's okay with Charlie.
Ya, no, everything's fine.
The baby's sleeping.
What's that? TV.
Traffic channel.
How's the date? I'm not sure.
Kyle's Dad is almost too nice.
He's probably rifling through my purse as we speak.
He's not.
But that shirt of his is so 70's porn.
I know Wait, how did you know that? Are you kidding me? Is everything okay? Yeah, everything is great! Bye, love you.
I was talking to the Charlie.
I love you, Charlie.
Bye, Rose.
It's okay buddy, Daddy's here.
Are you sure you can bend that back into shape? I never fold my shirts.
That's not my top priority right now.
Right.
There's a baby in the car.
I know.
Charlie locked himself in.
Well you should call Rose and get her set of keys.
I can't.
I don't know where she is.
Hey! She's right there! How lucky are we? You're spying on her.
Come on! These damn doors! Hold on.
I have an idea.
Hey, you popped the trunk.
Good job.
I can just climb in, lower the back seat, get to Charlie.
I was about to give you that advice.
All of my relationships end really poorly Hence the whole "sperm bank" thing.
I wanted a family, and I was sort of off men.
More bread? You do reveal a lot in small talk.
But now I have my baby, and I guess we'll see how things go with Harry? No.
Nothing is going on with Harry.
He's not I'm not We have an understanding.
And even if we were somehow together it would complicate things- No.
Harry.
I think he's outside.
Did Rose see me? I don't think so.
Ahh.
These seats only go down from the inside.
You better open up the trunk.
It's locked.
Where's the coat hanger? In the car.
Dammit.
So, you want to drop out of school? I'm really set on quitting.
Really set on it.
I'm sure you are.
It would be very hard to convince me to stay in school.
I mean, maybe if you let me drop math I'd consider it.
If you want to drop out of school, I think you should.
What? I just wanted to drop math but this is awesome.
No more school! You're the best mom ever.
Thank you.
What just happened? Hello? Harry.
I need more girl advice.
Not a great time to talk, buddy.
And I'm not sure I'm the right person to ask about girls.
I tried connecting with my crush like my moms said but that didn't work.
You can't ignore your feelings.
I was wrong before.
You have to try to talk to her.
You're breaking up.
Did you say 'try to stalk her'? No, talk, not stalk.
Don't stalk her.
I wouldn't stalk her, that's just creepy.
I know, okay.
You have to tell your crush how you feel.
Be bold.
Make a grand gesture.
You can't keep your feelings locked up inside.
Got it.
As he approached the final turn, the gasoline started to burn.
Then the car exploded in his face, guts and blood were all over the place.
The end.
Okay.
Interesting poem, Jacob.
Anyone else? I have something to read.
Sure.
Ms.
Jaworski is the best teacher ever, and I think she smells real good.
Ah, Billy.
You smell real well? My heart beats faster whenever I see her.
I hope my wife will one day be her.
Interesting.
Contrary to popular belief, Henry Ford did not invent the automobile.
What are you doing here? With my car.
And my baby.
Why is Charlie in the car!? He refused to open the doors.
He's locked in there? Don't worry, Rose.
Harry? What are you doing in there? Uh, trunk inspector? Bad news ma'am, you got hunk in your trunk.
I can't see, is she smiling? Not on the outside.
Look.
I have something to tell you Here, let me open the car.
Why are you here, Harry? Because Well Charlie was acting up, and I wanted to be around you in case something went wrong, and I didn't want to ruin your date.
Oh That's kind of thoughtful.
Billy texted me.
He needs me at school.
Can you give me a ride? I ran here.
Billy stood up in class and declared his love for his teacher.
Our son has been acting out to get detention to spend more time with Ms.
Jaworski.
He has a crush on me.
I bet he does, if I were single Dammit, I am single.
What is wrong with me? Billy embarrassed himself in front of everyone.
He'll be getting wedgies for a year.
He probably shouldn't even wear underwear.
Ok, we'll figure this out.
I'll talk to him.
No way.
You've done enough damage.
Billy said that you said to make a grand gesture.
To express his feelings to his crush.
But I thought expressing feelings was a good thing.
He'll never live this down.
Whatever happens to Billy is now on you.
You're really romantic.
Will you write a poem about my hair? Help.
Playing the numbers.
That's my boy.
Unbelievable.
Ugh, I should have just stayed home with Charlie.
He's my priority.
I shouldn't even be on a date.
Well, what do you think? You want my advice? Really? Well, sometimes you have to take a risk and hope for more.
Hope to find love.
You think so? Yes.
And love is closer than you think.
You're right.
I'm gonna try for a second date.
Second date? Second date? With Kyle's Dad.
Jonathan just convinced me to go for it.
Great advice.
Thanks.
You don't have to worry about Charlie.
Kyle's Dad is really sweet and caring.
That's great, Rose.
You deserve someone who's, you know, good at relationships.
C'mon, I'll give you a ride home.
Hop in the trunk.
You are staying in school.
And you're still taking math.
God! You guys aren't even half as cool as Harry.
Fractions.
That's my girl.
Ready for date number two, Rose? Of course, Kyle's Dad You.
You ah, you know my name, right? Obviously.
You know, I just wanted to leave your business card for Harry just in case he needs to reach us.
It's Bruce.
You told your teacher your feelings.
You're braver than I am, buddy.
I couldn't even tell the mother of my child how I felt.
I mean You have feelings for my Mom? Which one? No.
Ohhh, I understand.
Harry has a crush on Janet.
What?