Sex Education (2019) s01e02 Episode Script

Episode 2

1 - Yeah.
Is that you? Oh! [CHUCKLES.]
Is that you? I'll get the light.
Is that you now? - [GIRL.]
Come on! - So sweet Aah Oh! - [BOY.]
Where've you gone? - [GIRL LAUGHS.]
I'm up here! - [BOY.]
- Oh, yeah.
Let me get on top.
- Yeah.
- Ooh! - Ow! - Where's your head? Oh! - Um - Oh! My balls! You're on my balls! - Oh! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! - Right, I'm gettin' the light.
- No, don't! - [GIRL YELLS.]
Oh, my neck.
- Oh! - Oh! - What the fuck? You dirty bastard.
So, when Clara says she doesn't think you want to have sex with her anymore, how does that make you feel? Bad.
Descriptive words, Tim? Um Really bad.
All right, Clara, I'd really like to see you focus on what you're actually feeling.
My name is Milburn.
I am a sex therapist.
How do you feel? How do you feel today? [ARGUING.]
- I'm just trying to - Just trying to what? - Air our dirty underpants, is that it? - No! So, it's rom-com night.
I'm thinking 1980s Julia Roberts or early noughties Kate Hudson.
- What's your preference? - Mum, what What makes a good therapist? Just curious.
Well I guess some therapists get into it for the wrong reasons.
They do it for money or status.
They think of it as a career rather than a vocation.
But it it's just a job.
A job where one wrong word could trigger a nervous breakdown, resulting in decades of emotional damage.
A good therapist, a, you know a "good" therapist, I guess understands the weight of that responsibility.
- That sounds intense.
- Well, it's a fine balance, listening to people without inserting yourself into their reality.
So it's not about you.
And more importantly, Roberts or Hudson? Um Roberts.
- Okay.
Roberts it is.
- [SIGHS.]
You're wearing a tie.
Yeah, I suppose I am.
It's Aimee G's house party tonight.
Yeah, and? And? Apparently, last time, Warhammer Tom drank 14 Jägerbombs and nearly drowned in her hot tub.
We need an invite! I thought you'd given up on sixth form.
- You have the memory of a goldfish.
- An eternally optimistic goldfish.
Who's that? - Oh, hello, Otis! - Hi.
It's one of my mum's recent conquests.
- Poor guy.
Hello - Harry.
- Harry.
I'm bad with names.
- Wha What can I do for you, Harry? - Well, I was just passing through.
I thought maybe we could pop and get a bit of breakfast together.
I I had a good time the other night.
It's so rare to find a woman who really listens, you know.
I see.
I'm about to teach a vagina workshop.
So no? - How about tonight then? Dinner? - I've got plans tonight.
- Sometime this week? - Look, Harry, I'm really sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.
I'm not interested in dating anyone.
I'm extremely busy with work and raising my son, and I just have no room in my life for the kind of intimacy that you are clearly craving.
But I really commend you on your directness and your bravado and I really hope that you find what you're looking for.
Goodbye, now.
You're particularly odd today.
- Who is it? - Hi.
- Hey, it's Maeve.
- Maeve, hi.
- We need to talk.
Yes - [YELPS.]
- Uh - Hello? - Help.
- Maeve Wiley is calling you? - Hello, Otis? - Yes.
No! - Why would you not - No, no, no! - Why aren't you excited? - Hello? - Put it down! - What are you - Hello? [MAKING CRACKLING SOUNDS.]
Okay - [SIGHS.]
- Uh, explain? I did something stupid.
Maeve asked me to set up this sex therapy thing to help students with their problems, for money, and I agreed, and I'm thinking I shouldn't have, e 'cause I'm all confused, and and hot.
- She wants you to be a sex therapist? - Yes.
- But you can't wank! - I know, and I'm 16 years old, and I feel clammy - I'm all dizzy and hot.
- Okay, okay.
Okay, take a chill pill.
- [SIGHS.]
- So think about it.
This could be awesome.
A sex therapist.
Listen, knowledge is power, power is status, and status means popular.
- You can be popular.
- I don't want to be popular.
I just want be a guy in the corner that no one knows, you know? And they say, "Who's that guy?" And they go, "He's just a guy in the corner.
" Wait, you wanna be in a corner? - Yes.
- Otis! Man, are you really saying you don't wanna hang out with Maeve Wiley? - But she's not popular, she's scary.
- Yeah, exactly.
She's better than popular, because she's cool.
And she's the best kind of cool, because no one in this place even knows it yet.
But you don't wanna hang out with her.
I get it.
I think I wanna hang out with her.
I don't know, maybe.
- I don't know.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Of course you do.
Now lose the tie.
You look like a Mormon.
Listen, you're gonna have to fake it until you make it.
Can you do that? Yes.
Now let's get on with our day.
- [YELPS.]
- Hey, piss-flaps.
- Something wrong with your phone? - I don't have a phone! - What? I do.
It's broken, right? - Mm-hm.
The reception.
I need to get it fixed at the Carphone Warehouse.
Thank goodness for insurance.
Whew! Stop speaking.
Found us a client.
Whew! Great, fantastic.
Meet me in the toilets at break for the session.
Break? Today? Yeah.
Is that okay? Yes.
Um We've never officially met.
I'm, um I'm Eric, his numero uno, so to speak.
Your buttons are done up wrong.
It's a new look.
It's like normcore but with buttons done up wrong.
How fabulous.
Don't be late.
Oh, my God! We just spoke to Maeve Wiley! Oh, my God! Okay, we need to go.
We need to go now.
Now! - Good morning, ass bandit! - Sorry, Adam.
Mum says I can't hang out with you anymore.
Why not? She says you're you know, a a sex pervert.
See ya at Aimee's party, man! Remember, all of these chemicals are highly flammable, okay? [GIRL.]
Sir, we did this experiment last year with Mr.
Well, then, you'll be a expert, won't you, Trimble? Just get on with it, please.
Thank you.
We're finished, Adam.
- Fake it till I make it.
Fake it - Think of someone strong.
- Like Putin.
Or Beyoncé.
- What'd you bring him for? Uh, where he goes, I go.
She's in there.
Gag reflex problems.
She vommed on her boyfriend's penis.
Um - Do I have to look at her? - [MAEVE.]
Think of it like confession.
What are you waitin' for? - No.
- Sorry! Sorry.
Right [SIGHS.]
Hello, I'm your therapist today.
- [SIGHS.]
How might I serve you? - This is weird.
- Can't we just talk face to face? - No, we shouldn't see each other.
How can How can I help you? Didn't Maeve tell you? I just I don't wanna say it again.
Yes! Yes, you, uh [CLEARS THROAT.]
You encountered some problems during fellatio, which resulted in you experiencing a bout of emesis, correct? - Emesis? - Uh, vomiting.
Yeah, I puked on his dick, all right? He says I shouldn't give BJs anymore.
But if I don't go down on him, he won't go down on me.
- So what do I do? What do I do? - [MUFFLED SIGH.]
Well human sexuality is far more varied than you might realize, and each person has a history of unique experiences, which translates into their connection with a chosen sexual partner, or, indeed, partners.
- What? - Well, did you know that humans are not the only species to perform fellatio? - Bats have been know to partake - What do bats have to do with this? Well, at the zoo, I once saw a chinchilla fellate itself - [DOOR SLAMS.]
Hello? - Oi, you forgot to pay.
- I am not paying for that psycho in there to take the piss.
I don't know why I trusted you in the first place.
- Uh - Oh! - You owe me.
- Whatever, slag.
- What the hell did you do? Um I might have said something about chinchillas giving blow jobs.
I'm sorry, I got nervous.
You give advice, not traumatize people.
Okay, well, I was going to say that to properly identify why she experienced emesis during fellatio, I would need a more accurate understanding of her social and sexual history.
But she left.
- What the hell is emesis? - You know, vomiting! That poor girl just wanted to know how to suck a dick.
Well, thing is, I don't think I'm very good at this whole therapy thing.
That's not true.
I've seen you do it.
You're like some sort of strange sex savant.
It's weird, but impressive.
We need to find some more clients.
And you need to work on your delivery skills.
Try speaking like a normal 16-year-old next time, all right? Let's hope Olivia doesn't tell anyone.
She's really disappointed in you.
Hey, Maeve! I wanna fuck a chinchilla.
Can you help? [CRASHING.]
- Yeah, I think she may have told people.
- Ow! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Ah! Kelly Clarkson! Poet.
- [BOTH.]
- I'm all right! How does your mum get clients, then? Word of mouth, I guess.
Client testimonials.
But we've only had one other client.
Any other ideas? You know the pretzel place in Pineland Shopping Center? They give you a free sample, what do you do? You buy a pretzel, obviously! People don't trust your product because they haven't tried it yet.
- Product samples.
- Ah! - That's actually a good idea.
What you doing tonight? Watching a selection of Julia Roberts movies with my mum.
Hah! He's kidding.
Why do you ask? We need to go somewhere teenagers have a lot of sex.
- The bushes behind Science Block A? Aimee's house party.
Put your good shirts on, boys.
It's party time.
We just got invited to a party! - Ssh! - An invite! An invite! - I know! - How do I look? - Like a satsuma.
- It's monochrome.
- I'll take your word for it.
- Do I look all right? - You look like Otis.
- Is that a good or a bad thing? - Well, neither, you just look like Otis.
You've never asked me about your appearance before.
- Is this the Maeve effect, perchance? I hate this shirt and I hate crowds.
I hate parties.
- Eric, I don't wanna go.
- Uh, we have to go! We've been waiting our entire school lives for this.
Speak for yourself.
I don't care.
Well, Maeve cares, so What are you doing? - Eric, just be careful with - Hey! Look.
You need to loosen up.
I don't dance.
What's the point of having all this music, then? To listen to.
I sit very still and I appreciate the music.
Come on, you know you want to.
- There will be no dancing.
- Oh! Oh! Dancey! Dancey-dancey-dancing! That's right! Stop! Okay, okay, I'll go.
- Look.
Okay, come on, come on.
- Wait! It will be your thing.
The Hat Man.
Mm-hm? Hey! Come on, we're gonna slay! Come! Come, come, come.
Darling, you're wearing a hat.
And I'm all orange! Yes, I can see that.
You joining us on movie night, Eric? Yeah, actually, we're going out.
- Oh.
Where are you going? - Nowhere.
A party! An actual party that we have actually been invited to.
- Not technically invited.
- Whose party? - No one's.
- Share.
Aimee Gibbs! She's, like, one of the most popular girls in school.
You're wearing aftershave, Otis.
Is there someone special that you're going to meet tonight? - Well, there's this girl - No, it's just a party.
Very normal.
Boring, in fact.
Utterly platonic.
Well, if you're going to do drugs tonight, remember to buddy up.
- Mum! - And look after one another.
- Let me get you some condoms.
- No! Thanks, Mum.
- [SIGHS.]
You know Jonathan is sensitive to loud noise.
Sorry, Cynthia, I'll turn it down.
And also I wish I was a charity, love.
Look, I said I'll have the money by Monday, all right? You all right? [GAGS.]
Let's hope you're not pregnant.
Rebel girl Rebel girl I think I wanna take you home I wanna try your clothes on [SHOP BELL RINGS.]
I'll grab one of those too, please.
- Any preference? - Whatever's cheapest.
How old are you, sweetheart? Twelve.
Wish I knew who the father was.
28, thanks.
Oh, my gosh.
Bet you they have loads of toilets.
- It's a bit quiet, isn't it? - Doesn't start till 8:30.
Oh, it's only 8:15.
- On time is late.
- What does that even mean? Late is late, early is early, and we are very early.
- Uh, what are you doing? - Ringing the buzzer.
No, you're not.
We're gonna wait until other people get here.
Eric, that's being very silly.
Otis, I just told you not to ring that doorbell! - [LAUGHING.]
- I don't know what's wrong [LAUGHS.]
Oh, no [YELLS.]
You You look like you pooed yourself! [YELLS.]
You will die! - Eric [CHUCKLING.]
- [YELLS.]
- Why would you ruin my trousers? - Get off! Stop! - You'll get me pooey! - Otis, what is wrong with you? You will die by fire and by force, because I'm sick of it! I'm sick of this behavior, man.
- Hey, Maeve.
- Hey.
You look fierce.
- You look like a Wotsit.
- Nice hat.
Hey, I think we're gonna have to go home, because he's ruined his trousers.
- Looks like he's done a poo.
- No, it's fine.
We're going to the party.
It's a bit early, isn't it? We're here for business.
- Well, how come she can ring it? - Well, she's not you, is she? - [GATE WHIRRING.]
- Here goes.
of wishful thinking I'll get over you I know I will I'll pretend my ship's not sinking And I'll tell myself I'm over you 'Cause I'm the king of wi [PAPER CRUNCHING.]
This is brilliant! I think I got most of it off.
It's very crowded in here.
Definitely over capacity.
- Relax, you're 16.
- Relax, you're 16.
Otis, you scope out the sober virgins, and I'll take the hockey team.
Uh, what about me? - Go talk to Anwar.
- Oh, I can't.
I'm too nervous.
- Anwar's his unrequited crush.
- Aah.
- Good excuse to break the ice.
Go on.
- [SIGHS.]
I heard his ex broke up with him because he wouldn't finger his bumhole.
- Okay.
- So Yeah, I'll speak to Anwar.
Mm! - That was my shot, you dick.
- Sorry.
That's I've seen people do it in films.
- Remember, be subtle.
- Subtle.
Go on, then.
Do your thing.
Ginger beer is the S-H-I-T.
Really? I'm a cranberry juice sorta guy.
Cranberry juice is good for thrush.
You know, um, thrush? It's a vaginal discharge.
So, I'm, uh I'm giving out free sex advice tonight, if, uh Anyone got any STIs? Okay.
Um Bye, then.
Give me a reason Hey! Hey, can you do that outside, please? And not with the cushions.
Hey, babes! You came! More people are coming, right? We can't be seen at a lame party.
I think so, yeah.
- Do you want a drink? - Sure.
Two Jack and Cokes and a vodka tonic.
Olivia's on a diet.
Two Jack and Cokes and a vodka tonic.
In-depth sex advice.
No charge, one night only.
One night only! - [ALL YELL.]
One night only! - No, come on, this is a great offer.
- Is is true your whole family's in prison? - [LAUGHTER AND JEERING.]
Maeve! - You're here.
- For now.
Jackson, we're gonna go check out Aimee's hot tub.
Wanna join? Maybe later.
That might be fun.
Hot tubs aren't really my thing.
What is your thing, then? Complex female characters.
You hooking up with anyone here? Nope.
Are you? Ask me in an hour.
Go away, go away, go away, go away If you're only gonna bring bad vibe Bad vibe, bad vibe Hey! Guys! [CHUCKLES.]
This party is totally lit! Say what? [CHUCKLES.]
That is a really awesome shirt, Anwar, looks so good on you.
- You look like a traffic cone.
So, uh, Anwar, I had this really weird thing happen to me recently, with, like, a a bumhole! [CHUCKLES.]
- Did you shit yourself? - No! No, I did not.
Uh, good convo, guys.
Did not shit myself.
I'll be on my way, ay, ay, ay Then I got nothin' to say, ay, ay, ay Go away, go away, go away, go away [SIGHS.]
Oh, you [SIGHS.]
Stupid! Hat Man! - [SIGHS.]
- [GIRL.]
I liked your hat.
Are you enjoying the party? - Not really.
- Me neither.
I'm hiding from my boyfriend.
Do you want some? No, thank you.
Actually, uh Okay, then.
Apparently, I broke him.
You broke up with your boyfriend? No, I broke him.
Like a stick.
He's like, "Why don't you wanna have sex with the lights on?" I'm like, "Well, I don't want you to see me naked.
" And then he just goes on and on and on.
Why don't you want the lights on? 'Cause I'm disgusting.
- [BOY.]
Kate, you in there? I told you I broke him.
- Who's this guy? - Oh, it's not like that, Sam.
He's non-threatening.
He's like a Care Bear.
I was just telling him what a dickhead you are.
- Right.
Well, I'm gonna go.
- Why are you talking to him? - 'Cause you never listen to me.
- I do listen.
- I listen all the time.
- No! - You don't listen to me! - I've had enough, Kate [MUSIC CONTINUES FROM HOUSE, MUTED.]
- [SIGHS.]
- Hello? - Aimee, it's it's Adam.
- Ugh! What do you want? - We need to talk.
You're not invited.
Fuck off.
- [GASPS.]
Adam? New kid's mum.
Every day's the same I wake up, he's in my head What are you doing? - People think I pooed myself.
- Will you suck it up? We need clients.
- Eric, come on.
- Mm-mm! Mm-mm! Gah! [SAM.]
All I want is to have sex like a normal person, without breaking my arm.
I need this arm to do things.
Okay, well, all I want is to have sex in the dark.
What's the big deal? Why can't you just accept that? Enough.
Enough! This is ineffective communication! Sam, if you want to tackle Kate's issues surrounding self-esteem, whilst respecting your desire for visual stimulation, you need to establish a clear verbal intercourse.
- You mean like talking dirty? - No.
I mean stop passively hearing and start actively listening.
Speak English, Care Bear Man.
Kate, you want to have sex with the lights off.
Sam, you want to see Kate naked.
But neither of you are listening.
Who are you again? It doesn't matter who I am.
This isn't about me.
This is about you two.
I just I don't understand women.
She She likes me, she doesn't like me.
She wants my giant dick.
Sorry, my, uh my large penis, and then she doesn't wanna speak to me.
It's all very confusing, Mrs.
- Just Jean.
Well, you deserve closure.
I mean, if the relationship is over, well - [BUZZING.]
- you could ask Aimee for some clarity.
Could you give me a leg up? [INHALES.]
I think, if she doesn't want you at her party, it's important that you respect her wishes.
You're so wise.
Like an old owl.
Why are you here? I was checking on Otis.
I thought my parents were controlling.
Yes! Oh, fuck.
Oh! Wha Wh Hello! Fucking kidding me.
Not on the roses! [GROANS.]
My parents are gonna kill me.
- They've barely got over the last party.
- Why did you have another one, then? Ruby and Olivia said they couldn't do it at their houses.
Anyway, I love hosting.
Do you think people are havin' a good time? - Are you havin' a good time? - I think so.
Not on the succulents! Oh, he's cute.
What is it with you and stoners? Doesn't he remind you of someone? Adam? No, I was thinking more like a boiled Ryan Gosling.
- [MAEVE.]
No, Adam.
- I deserve closure! Everyone inside, now! ["SHA LA LA LA LEE" PLAYING.]
You can smoke in the living room! Picked her up on a Friday night Sha-la-la-la-lee Yeah, I knew everything Gonna be all right Sha-la-la-la-lee Yeah, sha-la-la-la-lee Sha-la-la-la-la-la-lee [DANCE MUSIC THUMPING, MUTED.]
- Oh! - [LAUGHTER.]
- Why do you taste like the dentist? - Stop talking.
- Yay! Hey! Oh, good.
It's you again.
Yeah! [LAUGHS.]
I heard about your problem.
- I can help you.
- Do what? - [MUSIC STOPS.]
- Suck a dick! [LAUGHTER.]
What would you know about blow jobs, trumpet boy? It's a French horn! Listen, I've seen a lot of gay porn.
Plus, you're not the only person with a penis, you know? Anwar, I think we should let him help her.
Talking away Yeah, go on then, Eric.
Show her your skills.
No, I I need props.
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah? - [LAUGHS.]
- Another day to find you - Oh, this is gonna be funny.
- It better be.
This party is a total beige fest.
I'll be coming for your love, okay? Take on Hey! Let me in.
Open the door, you orange twat.
I'm gonna fucking kill you! Kate, you wanna go first? Tell me something you like about Sam.
I don't know.
He's got nice eyelashes.
- This is stupid.
- Sam, we're listening now, yeah? Your turn.
Tell me about Kate.
Uh Oh, see? He thinks I'm gross! - Stop saying that! - Okay, let's just Let's calm down, and, most importantly, listen.
- This isn't working.
- When we first started dating, I used to get tongue-tied and flustered.
I still get like that sometimes.
I can't believe she wants to be with me.
I like everything about her.
Do you hear what he's saying, Kate? Yeah.
Well, but I still don't believe it.
Kate, what do you like about yourself? - Nothing.
- Kate, I want you to name five things that you like about yourself, and it can be anything.
- [SIGHS.]
- Come on.
I'm quite good at hockey.
I can make dumplings from scratch, which is actually really hard.
I have a photographic memory.
Oh! I have this really spooky ability at guessing which nationality someone is, - just by the way they walk.
- She does, it is awesome.
Go on.
One more.
- I think I have nice hair.
- It's so shiny.
If you don't like yourself, how are you supposed to believe that Sam does? I wish you could see yourself the way I do.
Because you're the best.
Your love - [OTIS.]
Guys! - Is liftin' me higher I mean, this is great, I think we're making - real progress.
- ever been lifted before - So keep it up - Mm.
Um Quench my desire [OTIS.]
I'm gonna And I'll be at your side forever more - You know your love - Your love Oh! Sorry.
Um Otis? Hi, Maeve.
I'm here.
That's weird.
It's nice to see you both.
Sorry again.
Bye! I've gotta go too.
All right.
So, look, maybe we could, um go on a date sometime.
You wanted to keep this a secret, now you wanna go on a date, do you? Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
Ask me again in a week.
Oof! [GRUNTS.]
- All right, go on then, Eric.
- Okay.
Rule number one, enthusiasm is more important than technique, yeah? Don't go too deep.
Looks awkward.
You can use a bit more pressure than you think, actually, but no teeth, especially if you're packin' metal, Natalie.
Okay, come on, girls.
Yeah, come on, girls.
All together now.
Aah Mm Aaah Hm? Mm? Mm-hm, mm-hm! Not too deep! Ruby, not too deep.
Just the tip, okay? - [LAUGHTER.]
- Mm! - Hey.
- Hey.
- You having a good night? - Uh Not really.
You? Not the best, to be honest.
I hate parties.
Yeah, me too.
Crawling with cretins.
I, uh I gave out some free advice.
Really? To who? Well, that's confidential.
But it's a client.
Not exactly a sex-pretzel bonanza, is it? I'm sorry, how many clients did you find tonight? Um Sorry about, um before, there.
I didn't realize you and Jackson were It's cool.
He's not my boyfriend or anything.
We're just sleeping together.
- You know how it is.
- Sure, yeah.
Yeah, ab absolutely.
I think this is a bust.
I'm gonna get my shit, then I'm going.
See ya.
Mum? [JEAN.]
Oh, for fuck's sakes.
Oh, shithouse! Gah! Fuck! - What are you doing here? - Otis, darling! You I'm You forgot your inhaler.
- I haven't had an attack in six years.
- Well, what if you did? I mean, would any of these people help you? And That's an awful lot of responsibility to - You're spying on me.
- What? - Don't be irrational.
- Irrational? You're the one stalking your son.
That word carries a lot of weight, young man.
Don't misuse it.
I understand - how you might feel unjustly observed.
- Okay.
Uh Otis! - Otis, don't walk away.
- Just go home, Mum.
I could wait around if you want a lift.
- Isn't that Courgette Lady? - Oh, yeah.
I can't stand it I said I just don't want it Never gonna need it Oh, how did you get in here? - I can't stand it - What do you want? Aims I don't Look, I don't understand what I've done wrong.
Why can't we just get back together? Because you're embarrassing.
I'm sorry, Adam.
Suck, suck, suck a dick! Suck, suck, suck a dick! Suck, suck, suck a dick! - Where's Eric? - Suck, suck, suck a dick! Suck, suck, suck a dick! Suck, suck, suck a dick! Suck, suck, suck a dick! What's going on? Tromboner's teaching them how to give BJs.
It is priceless! Suck, suck, suck a dick! Suck, suck, suck a dick! Suck, suck, suck a dick! Suck, suck, suck a dick! Suck, suck, suck a dick! Suck, suck, suck a dick! - Suck, suck, suck a dick! - Mm! Mm! Suck, suck, suck a dick! Suck, suck, suck a dick! - Adam, stop! - [GRUNTING.]
- Suck, suck, suck a dick! - Whoa! - Suck, suck, suck a dick! - Calm down! - [GAGS.]
- Oh, my God! She's choking! - Move aside.
- Okay! We need help! Move! Move! Olivia! - What - [ALL GASP.]
- Withdraw my labor of love - [ALL GROAN.]
Gonna strike for the right To get into your heart, yeah - Oh! It's gone all ancient Rome.
- Withdraw my labor of love - I'm sorry! - My dress! Gonna fight for the right To get into your cold heart - Stop! - Ain't gonna work for you no more [ALL GASP.]
Adam, what the fuck, man? Granny! ["FK ALL THE PERFECT PEOPLE" PLAYING.]
Party! I smell puke.
I need a wee and some crisps.
- I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to - You always ruin everything.
Go home.
Hey, you know what's funny about you and me, yeah, is that we're different, but we're both the same.
And we're just two losers that nobody wants.
And they don't want us because [VOMITS.]
So, uh regroup on Monday? [SCOFFS.]
This lot aren't mature enough for therapy.
It was a stupid idea.
Sorry for wasting your time.
See you around, Otis.
It was lit.
It was lit.
But, hey, did you guys manage to find any clients? Doesn't matter.
Maeve said the whole thing is off, so - What? - Yeah.
I thought you guys were really onto something.
I guess not.
Listen, who needs her, anyway? There's plenty more hot, scary fish in-a the sea.
Dude, where's my hat? Um I might have lost it.
You're bad at bein' Hat Man.
- Sorry.
- No, you're No, you're not sorry.
- Look at you laughing.
It's not funny.
Like a dickhead.
- [OTIS.]
Shut up.
- [ERIC.]
Like a fool.
- [OTIS.]
All right.
- Like a h'idiot.
- [OTIS.]
Go clean yourself off.
To be or not to be To free or not to free To crawl or not to crawl [SIGHS.]
Fuck all those perfect people To sleep or not to sleep To creep or not to creep And some can't remember What others recall Fuck all those perfect people I understand that you may feel that I crossed a boundary, and I want to give you an opportunity to be able to express your feelings.
What is the point, Mum? You don't listen.
What would you want me to hear? Stay out of my life.
- [GIRL 1.]
That's a lie.
That's a lie.
- [GIRL 2.]
Are you sure it's not - [LAUGHTER.]
- [ANWAR.]
Tromboner! - [ALL.]
Tromboner! Tromboner-boner! [LAUGHTER AND YELLING.]
- Tromboner! - Tromboner! Do you know why you're here? Because I did a fart on Mr.
Hendricks' head? What? No! Jesus, Adam! I've just spoken to Aimee Gibbs' mother.
She's been trying to get her mother out of the carpet all weekend.
- It wasn't my fault.
- No, no, no, no, it never is, is it? Why can't you be more like your sister? Diligent, reliable, resilient.
I've just been on the phone to Mountview Military.
It is a very impressive institution.
Don't push me.
Since you've been gone Since you've been gone I'm out of my head, can't take it Since you've been gone Could I be wrong? But since you've been gone You cast a spell, so break it Since you've been gone [VOCALIZING.]
Ever since you've been gone [CHEERING.]
I'm really freaked out by bumholes.
Now, I know it's a sensitive issue, but I heard you can help me out.
- I can pay you if - Um Can I get back to you? Yeah.
- [SIGHS.]
I think I'm addicted to wanking.
I'm kinda doin' it right now.
Can you help? [TEACHER.]
No private conversations, please.
Is it weird that I always think about the Queen when I come? You can say all the right words To trick me Pushin' buttons I always ignore At the moment My fingers are bleedin' Tryin' to make the right - Eric! - What? The sex pretzels! It worked! - We have sex pretzels! - Clients.
We've got clients.
Numerous students have approached me today hoping to secure our services.
- And they're willing to pay.
- Keep talking.
- Actually, that's it.
- That's it.
Oh, okay.
This is good.
- Yeah.
- This is really good.
- Um So we're back on.
Yes! Yes, but, um, toilet cubicles aren't gonna work.
I'm not a priest, so I need to see people face to face.
I thought you didn't wanna be seen.
Well, yeah, but it's not about me.
It's about them, and it needs to feel like a conversation.
Otherwise it's just too much pressure for everyone.
- I'll be in charge of bookings, schedules.
- Yeah.
- Payments, that kind of thing.
- Yes.
What shall I do? - Ah There's - We could, um try - Uh - Yeah - [STAMMERS.]
It's - Well - Mm We need - Um Yeah, it's cool.
It's cool.
No problemo.
No, I've got lots of things to be gettin' on with, anyway.
I'm super busy.
Super busy, Maeve.
Um But this is so great for you guys! [LAUGHS.]
Um What does this mean? We're open for business.
I study nuclear science I love my classes - Let's go.
- I got a crazy teacher He wears dark glasses Things are goin' great And they're only gettin' better I'm doin' all right Gettin' good grades The future's so bright I gotta wear shades I gotta wear shades - I got a job waitin' for my graduation - [MOUTHING.]
Fifty thou a year'll buy a lot of beer Things are goin' great And they're only gettin' better I'm doin' all right Gettin' good grades The future's so bright I've gotta wear shades I gotta wear shades I gotta wear shades - [BLEEP.]
Thanks for giving this another go.
Let's talk about your problem.
And I think we should go back to the beginning.
What makes you feel like you need to give your boyfriend blow jobs? - It's just so difficult to - [LOUD CHEERING.]
- Ooh, la, ooh Sha-la-la, ooh, la, ooh, la, ooh-ooh Ooh, la, ooh Sha-la-la, ooh, la, ooh, la, ooh-ooh Yeah, a bloody nose In the all-night diner Rollin' with Rose And Miss Mary L.
Steiner And you can't pin her down You can't define her Dostoevsky, dime-store copy Ooh, la, ooh Sha-la-la, ooh, la, ooh, la, ooh-ooh Ooh, la, ooh Sha-la-la, ooh, la, ooh, la, ooh-ooh Makin' the rounds In my five-dollar dress I can't go home Though I'm not homeless I'm just another savage In the wilderness And if you can't calm down You can listen to this Death is my former employer Death is my own Tom Sawyer Death waits for me to destroy her I never wanna die And I never grow older, yeah Ooh, la, ooh Sha-la-la, ooh, la, ooh, la, ooh-ooh Restless year It was another restless year It was a restless year Don't tell me anything I don't wanna hear
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