Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators (2018) s04e07 Episode Script
Some Cupid Kills
I here importune death awhile,
until of many thousand kisses
the poor last I lay upon thy lips.
I am dying, Egypt, Dying.
Give me some wine and let me speak a little.
Noblest of men, would thou die? Hast thou no care of me? Shall I abide in this dull world, which in thy absence is no better than? My asp.
Sorry, I've forgot my asp.
Found it.
Ooh! Ah, where were we? Dalton? FOOTSTEPS APPROACH Oh, hey.
You're here early.
Or are you late? Ha-ha! I trust the date went well.
No, it did not.
Serial killer, was he? He parked on double yellow lines, for starters.
Oh, you play with the bad boys, you.
It gets worse.
So after the date, we came out of the restaurant and he tried to kiss me.
And there may have been Tongues? No, an accidental head-butt.
Yeah, so we went back into the restaurant to stop the bleeding.
And when we came back out, a tow truck was towing his car away with my handbag and my phone in it.
What do you do on the second date? Burn his house down? Don't.
He was so out of it, he swore that he could hear monkeys laughing.
Monkeys? Was it a brain injury? Luckily, the tow-truck man had spotted my bag in the back of the car, popped it in the restaurant for me, otherwise, I'd be stood here now talking to you, still covered in my date's blood.
CHUCKLES: You should put that on your dating profile.
Ah, ooh, ooh! What's wrong with you? It's my foot.
I tripped, sprained it.
Oh, yeah, very treacherous step at the Mucky Mallard, isn't there? I was not tipsy.
I tripped.
We can't all be out every night breaking people's hearts and noses.
Oh, hey.
AS NEW YORKER: Of all of the PI agencies in all of Stratford-upon-Avon.
I walk into yours.
With a job for us.
From an old acting friend, we haven't seen each other for ages.
But she'll only meet in public, so we have to go.
Why are you dressed like Humphrey Bogart? Oh, she hasn't seen me as a PI.
Dress to impress.
Well, you're not a PI, you're our receptionist.
And resident style icon.
Forget it, Jake.
It's Chinatown.
Ha! Pollie.
Sebastian.
Oh, it's been too long.
It's like a meeting of KGB Anonymous.
Lu, Frank, this is my dear friend, Pollie.
Hi.
Hello, thank you for meeting me here.
How can we help? Well, I I don't know where to start.
My boyfriend, Dalton, was murdered.
Pol, I'm so sorry.
What happened? I don't know.
The police won't tell me anything, except that he was poisoned.
The police are investigating? Yes, but this isn't about that.
I need you to protect me.
From who? I don't know.
A few days before, Dalton, he was scared.
Did he say why? Had someone threatened him? He received a blackmail letter that said to "leave or else".
Have you got the letter? The police took it.
I didn't think to take a photo.
I wasn't thinking.
That's OK, you've been through a lot.
Do you know anyone who might want to hurt Dalton? Not really.
I think it's to do with where we work.
I'm a PA at As You Like It, which is all about Shakespeare.
And Dalton is, was, an actor there.
And what exactly is As You Like It? Well, it's a charming bucolic comedy about two friends, Rosalind and Cecelia Er, it's an agency.
If the RSC's lobster and caviar, then we're the hamburgers.
Oh.
ELIZABETHAN MUSIC PLAYS Good company, good wine, good welcome.
Come, some music.
Come, the trumpets, sackbuts, psalteries and fifes.
Oh! Do you do this for everyone? Sh.
Encore, encore.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? If you must.
Did you find any change back there for the car park? Welcome.
I'm Ava Clayton.
And this is As You Like It.
From weddings to work-dos, from adverts to anniversaries, we are Shakespeare for hire.
Well, thanks for the fanfare, but we're not customers.
No, no, of course not.
You're partners.
Fingers crossed.
We are partners, yeah.
Business partners.
Private investigators.
Investors? Private investors? Investigators.
Investors from Pellinore? The largest entertainments company in the UK? No, we're looking into Dalton's death.
Everyone, stop.
Stop.
MUSIC STOPS Pollie.
You said that the buyer was going to be here at noon.
That's what they said, boss.
No, sorry, you can't be here.
What about "good wine, good welcome"? And goodbye.
Yes, we've already spoken to the police.
So, please, leave.
There's a big buyer interested in taking the company national.
We're very excited.
Oh, right, where do I place my bid? THEY CHUCKLE No, no, enough.
We've no time to amuse jumped-up snoops.
Now get out.
GET OUT! We need eyes and ears on the inside.
Yes, if only we knew someone who could go undercover, huh? HE CHUCKLES Wolfe, is it? Wolfe Tempest, actor-for-hire.
Excellent.
You know, we've been short-handed since Hm Welcome aboard.
Pollie tells me great things.
Oh, well, please, believe everything you hear.
THEY CHUCKLE Now, gather round, everyone, gather round.
Now, remember that we have a rep from Pellinore Entertainment here today to witness the wonderful work that we do, so let's show him our guiding principle.
We - Sell - Shakespeare.
ALL: We - Sell - Shakespeare.
Selling Shakespeare makes me feel dirty, and I once dressed as a chicken for money.
Well, what we do isn't that bad.
How come you're not up there performing? Ava thought it would be better if I was in the office.
I'm under her wing, learning a lot.
He looks popular.
Bernard.
He was the original actor here, considered the best.
Until Dalton.
Pollie.
I'd better go.
Wolfe.
Yes.
I'm Bernard.
The boss asked me to show you the ropes.
I'm supposed to show you hair, make-up and so on, but you look like you know your way around backstage.
From proscenium to pit.
Ha.
Well, then, to the good part.
And here we are.
And where are we? Aladdin's cave of wonders? The boss likes to call these treats "up-selling".
I call it a perk of the job.
Go ahead.
Help yourself.
What? To anything? I'm partial to the cologne.
"The Merry Whiffs of Windsor".
THEY CHUCKLE Oh, I shouldn't.
It's only right to get to know the wares you're touting.
Well, if this is part of the official induction.
Hello? Hello.
How did you get on with your police friend? Did you find out anything useful? Can you stop shouting? Did your questioning take place in the pub by any chance? I had to soften him up.
You know what they say.
Loose ships sink lips? Hey, every round was very professional.
Yeah, I bet it was.
Look, I've asked Pollie if she could find out who the last client of Dalton's was and she's given me a name and address.
I'm going to check it out now.
Can you do it quietly? Did you find out what killed Dalton? Yes, it was definitely poison.
The pathologist detected, let me consult my notes, ethylene glycol.
A mouthful of that, you're a goner.
Sounds nasty.
Yeah, unfortunately, it's a common ingredient in solvents and coolants.
Anyone can buy it.
Hey, dial Sebastian in so he knows what to look for.
PHONE VIBRATES Ah, hello, Mammy.
I can't talk right now, a little bit of team bonding.
Whoa, whoa, hang on, I thought we settled on big sister.
He was poisoned with an industrial chemical.
No, tell Nanny that's awful.
I mean, if anything, I was thinking, like, trendy cousin that you go to for advice.
The poison was delivered in a bottle of red wine called Bard's Blessing.
Got to go.
You all right? Erm I think I swallowed a fly.
Perhaps you'll die? LAUGHTER Tell me, can anyone get in here? Only employees are allowed in.
Mm-hm, but it's not locked, I haven't seen any cameras.
You sound like you're planning a heist.
Is the wine that good? Heavens, no.
Any more might be the death of me.
THEY CHUCKLE Don't leave town, Ms Brosnan.
We'll be in touch again soon.
All right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Bye, love.
He died in the garden.
My dear, sweet Dalton.
You were close.
He came round every Thursday.
Three till five, wine and pastries in hand.
We'd perform together, all the classics.
I know it was his job, but he made me feel special.
Sounds so silly.
Not at all.
No.
I have a barista I would marry on the spot.
I've been lonely since my husband died.
Dalton was the first person since Hugh to make me laugh, and Sorry.
Oh.
Sorry.
Thank you.
It's only blind luck I didn't end up the same way.
Yeah, well, yeah, we were wondering why you didn't drink the wine.
I mean, it did seem a bit Suspicious?Yeah.
Yeah, I know, the thing is .
.
my GP changed my pills earlier that week.
I was to steer clear of alcohol.
The police think that a little too convenient.
Oh, don't worry about Keeler, he can't have enough evidence to arrest you.
Well, it's not for lack of trying.
I've been back and forth to the police station like a yo-yo.
I'm pleased someone's finally on my side.
Well, I can't promise anything.
I might not find anything that helps you.
My main focus has to be my client.
Oh, of course.
"Our Antony has gone ".
.
and there is nothing left remarkable "beneath the visiting moon.
" Do you know, I think Edie's innocent, which would mean Dalton carried his own murder weapon to the scene of the crime.
Well, we'll look into Dalton's background, but our best bet is someone tied to the agency.
Have you been looking at this? Well, you know, you left your dating app open for me to find, so But it's private.
I don't want you investigating my dates.
No, you're absolutely right.
I'm sorry.
Good.
Don't do it again.
You really want to know what I've found out, don't you? Yeah, maybe this one.
Cheater.
Ah! I knew it.
He's cut his wife out of the photo, hasn't he? Pretending to be somebody else.
What, a catfish? Oh, it's so hard to find a European prince these days.
What about this one? Pervert.
No.
You remember that flasher we arrested a year ago? I didn't recognise him.
That's cos you can only see his face.
And these are the ones I've matched with.
I wonder how Seb's getting on.
We should ask Pollie to book him in with Dalton's old clients.
Yeah, then he can flag up anyone suspicious and we can look into them.
Yeah.
Hey, we're going to crack this.
You mean the case, don't you, not my love life? In the names of all the gods at once, upon what meat doth this our Caesar feed, that he has grown so great? Thou needst eat at Marco's Bistro.
Friends, Romans, hungry men, lend me your ears.
It's all-you-can-eat pizza night every Tuesday.
But beware the ides of starch with our low-carb Caesar salads.
Et tu, Brute? Yes, that's right.
It's two for one.
Then cry havoc.
And get thee to Marco's Bistro.
Marco's Bistro.
APPLAUSE The gods of theatre will never forgive us.
I'm doing what I love every day.
They've stopped clapping.
How could I be unhappy? Oi, Dalton.
I mean, what's-your-name, come here.
Marco's Bistro.
Here we go.
You have to eat somewhere.
I've got a lot riding on this.
I won't let you down.
Remember, I took care of Dalton, maybe I can take care of you.
That's it, I quit.
I just spent two hours debasing The Winter's Tale to sell hedge trimmers for William Rakes & Shears.
Oh, poor you.
You've heard the line, "Exit, pursued by a bear"? I wasn't the bear.
What about your actual job? Did you find out anything suspicious? Well, there was a customer this morning trying to coerce Bernard into doing something.
He said he'd, "Taken care of Dalton".
We'll check it out.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, shouldn't you go and see a doctor about that? No, no, no, I'm fine.
Anything else? There's something about Bernard.
He's very sensitive about Dalton, and it isn't grief.
Well, I mean, I don't mind feeling him out.
Yeah, I bet.
Oh, it's just, you know, I think he'd probably respond to me better.
You know, he smells so amazing, doesn't he? Just with the oranges and the cloves.
He does.
And that jawline.
Yeah.
HE SCOFFS Don't blow my cover.
I have other clients to look into.
I won't.
That is the dodgy one I told you about.
Whoa, no, no, no.
Lu? Oh.
Excuse me, will you get out of my proposal? Oh, oh.
Why has he got your ring? I'm putting on a show.
It worked so well for the business, I thought a bit of razzmatazz would help seal the deal with my girl.
Oh.
It's just that you said you took care of Dalton.
And now he's dead, you do know that? Yeah, and I'm very sad about it.
But obviously every time he'd come to the restaurant, he'd always eat for free.
Ooh.
"Take CARE of him".
It's a misunderstanding.
What the hell are you doing? I come out here to show off how we make a client's moment special, and you show up.
Well, thank goodness I did.
Because, I mean, what if I'd been a thief? I could've took off with the ring.
No, you just took off with a couple's happiest memory.
Well, technically we don't know that yet, do we? Cos she hasn't answered.
Will you? Is this going to work? Are you proposing to her now? Leave before I sue you into oblivion.
Yeah, sorry.
Bernard.
Sorry, got to go.
I just need a minute to talk about Dalton.
You're not going to let this go, are you? No.
The truth is, Dalton seemed jealous of me.
Nipping at my heels, trying to steal my clients.
That must've been hard for you.
It was sad, really.
I tried to be there for him, but he spurned me.
Oh! I can't imagine why anyone would want to reject you.
I mean, Dalton must've been mad.
Or maybe just in trouble.
I didn't say that.
When you say you were there for him, when was that? It's just a turn of phrase.
Oh, right, like "a shoulder to cry on"? I didn't say he was crying.
No, but you said he was upset.
Do you know, a problem shared is a problem halved.
Well, the week before Dalton's death, he had a huge row with Ava.
Shouting, screaming.
Really? What about? No idea.
But he left with a face like thunder.
And now he's gone.
I should've tried harder to be there.
Oh, it's not your fault.
You can't force someone to accept help.
Thank you, Lu.
"For thou hast given me, in this beauteous face, "a world of earthly blessings to my soul.
" Oh, well, I mean, if you need any more earthly blessings, then you know where I am.
Maybe over dinner? Or not.
I mean, whatever, I'm easy.
I mean, I'm not easy.
I just, oh PHONE CLICKS Hello? Somebody there? I'm from As You Like It.
About time.
Come on in.
What's with the mask? I'm a method actor.
You know what we're doing, right? Act three, scene two of the Dream.
But I don't actually know the occasion.
It's for the missus.
She loves all this stuff.
Ah, it's date night.
With you, your wife and me.
Very romantic.
Where would you like to go from? The duel bit, obviously.
They don't actually duel, but perhaps your fair lady would like some verbal jousting.
"O, Helena.
Goddess, nymph, perfect, divine.
" That's my missus you're talking about.
Is her name actually Helena? Handy.
Ah, look.
You've got a balcony.
Why don't you shimmy up and give her the full Romeo? And then you won't need me.
No, I put my back out climbing up there last time.
Right, it's almost time.
Mask off.
I'd like to keep it on, please.
Come on.
What the hell are you doing here? Moonlighting.
Between you and me, Frank and Lu could pay better.
Leave now.
OK.
Hang on.
You just happen to be working at the same company where someone was recently found dead? You can't move for murders around here.
You guys are investigating Dalton, aren't you? CAR DOOR CLOSES That's the missus.
I should go.
Wait.
The baby-sitter is only here for two hours.
You're here now, so let's do it.
Not a word to Frank and Lu.
En garde.
LAUGHTER And this was before his sword got caught in his breaches.
He does look a bit "ruff".
Ooh, wait until Frank sees this.
He might even give me a raise.
You know what this means? Keeler is luckier in love than me.
Keeler.
Yes, but who wears feathery hats better? Do you think? Yeah? Hi.
Hi.
What's going on? Ava was super angry.
You made her look bad in front of the buyer.
Ah, yeah, that's, well, that was all part of a cunning plan, actually to You traitor.
I knew you'd lead me to your paymaster, but I didn't think it would be you.
Ava? You're a wolf in sheep's clothing.
And not the good wool, the cheap polyester blend.
OK, let's not get oddly specific.
Pollie has every right to know what happened to her boyfriend.
Don't get me started on you.
I'm surrounded by traitors.
Erm, well, no, I think what we're trying to do What do you care? You're only in it for the money.
Yeah, it is my job.
And it's my future.
You know, that sale is my one chance to get set up for life.
What is the one photo on my desk, Pollie? A tropical beach.
And a villa.
And it's this close to becoming reality and I'm not going to let you clowns risk it.
Pollie, you're fired.
Ava, please.
Yeah, good luck affording your little saboteurs now.
I've got it.
What? The perfect man.
Kirby.
Runs his own business.
Is he the one who crafts ale in his mum's basement? He's very family-orientated.
Jim? You know Jim? The barman at the Mallard.
He's 60.
Yeah, but he pulls a good pint.
Are all your perfect men just a way for you to get free drinks? That's a bonus.
Just stop it.
I don't need your help.
And I'm done.
I've been through all of Dalton's client list.
No-one else is suspicious.
And Dalton's background was clean too.
What about Edie? You've talked to all his clients except her.
The company refused her business, for obvious health and safety reasons.
It's a shame.
The thing is she's lonely.
She might open up to Dalton's successor? I'm not going.
You are.
I'll go and chat to Ava about her row with Dalton.
Oh! For the love of Can I just hire you to go on holiday for two weeks? Course.
Shall we go halfies on that villa? You're trespassing.
Why don't you call the police? I'm sure they'd love to hear about your big fight with Dalton.
Let me understand this, you've cornered me, a woman, on my own in the dark so you can threaten me? No-one's doing any cornering.
Then you won't stop me from leaving? Of course not.
Well, I won't stop you either.
So goodbye.
Come on, there must be a reason why you were fighting with Dalton.
If you must know, when I found Dalton, he was on the streets.
What, homeless? Yeah, he was playing a living statue outside Maybrook arcade.
I made him great.
So what changed? Ava? My stupid heart.
I fell in love.
You and Dalton? We're having an affair, right under Pollie's nose.
He was going to be a big part of my new life on the beach, until he ruined it all by getting himself killed.
Was it Pollie you were arguing about? What else? It's ironic, that, though, eh? You firing Pollie for being disloyal.
Well, then, now you get to explain to Pollie that her precious man was actually mine, and then she has to pay you for breaking her heart.
O happy dagger, this is thy sheath.
Oh! There Oh.
.
.
Rust .
.
and oh.
.
.
let Oh! .
.
Me.
.
Oh! .
.
DI-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E! Wow, I A-a-a-a-a-a-ah! Oh, hee-hee! Oh.
You make a wonderful Romeo.
Just the tonic I needed.
And your Juliet was spirited.
I mean it, Wolfe.
Thank you.
Fit me in again soon, won't you? My late husband, John, said I had a taste for theatrics.
Imagine what he'd say about all this.
Mm-hm.
Did you perform all the classics with Dalton? He had a rare gift.
See, I heard a rumour that other clients weren't treated quite as well.
By Dalton? Never.
If anything, he was ill-served by the agency.
How do you mean? They could've paid better, for a start.
I know he was desperate to save up for him and his girlfriend.
I helped him myself on occasion.
He asked you for money? No, no.
He tried to refuse it, but I could tell he needed it.
It's so hard for young people these days.
Did he take a lot? What else have I got to spend it on? What money? Dalton didn't tell you about the extra cash from Edie? No.
He said that he was saving for us from his wages.
He worked extra hours to do it and I put some money in too.
So you had a shared bank account? Well, no, I gave him cash.
Oh, but, um Er, this might help.
I was packing away Dalton's things, and I found this.
Another blackmail letter? Such penmanship.
Most blackmailers never take the time.
I don't think it will help us, though, I mean, we're not handwriting experts.
Look at these insults.
"You bull's pizzle", "You stock fish".
Savage.
Is it? Mm, that means, in today's terms HE WHISPERS Oh.
Wait, so, erm, so it doesn't help? I thought when I found the note that Dalton was guiding me to it.
Sounds stupid, I know.
Oh, no.
What?That's another date I'm going to have to cancel.
Lu, hi.
I thought we said Tuesday.
Call me old-fashioned, but I think blackmail is more of a third date thing, don't you? The scent on the letter, oranges and cloves, same as the cologne you wear.
I wish I never started this whole blackmail thing.
I'm sorry.
SIREN BLARES That's very nice of you.
It's not the letter you should be worried about.
You called the police? No, we're always a step ahead of the amateurs.
Not too busy off serenading, then? I'm arresting you on suspicion of the murder of Dalton Morley I didn't kill him.
I haven't finished yet.
.
.
And for malicious communications under the 1988 Act.
That I did that.
I'm no killer.
Lu, please.
Dalton came on the scene and suddenly it was all about him.
He took what was mine.
Any confessions, please, give them to the police officer.
I confess to being a fool.
I saw Dalton and Ava together, and thought I could use their affair to force Dalton into quitting.
And when that didn't work, you got rid of your rival for good, didn't you? No.
/fon Don't you think that murder's maybe jumping the gun a bit? He's got means, motive and opportunity.
And I'm sure if we got digital forensics to have a look at his computer I was googling poisons for research, to play Claudius from Hamlet.
And I wear a hat to keep my feet dry.
Get him in the car.
But, honestly, it's the truth.
Lu, Lu, you must believe me.
Cheer up, guys, I've solved your case too.
Yeah, we'll see about that.
OW.
You all right there, Frank? The pace getting to you a bit, is it? You look like you need a sit-down, old boy.
Tell you what, while you're at it, go back to your car, put your ruff on and do us a sonnet.
That was good.
Was that funny? Are you OK? Yeah, just a twinge.
Bernard? That makes sense.
But we don't know for sure that he killed Dalton.
But the police think so.
Well, look, at least you're safe.
But I've got no job, I've just found out that I lost my boyfriend to Ava long before he died.
No offence, but part of me wishes I'd never hired you.
I tell you what, you can fill in our client satisfaction survey later on.
It's fine.
The truth will set you free, right? How do you feel about snakes? Stop it.
Stop trying to set me up.
I'm fine, all right? Sherlock Holmes was single.
I'm reclaiming spinsterhood for the PIs.
So that's a no to a taxidermist.
There's something not right about Bernard's arrest.
I think we're missing something.
Yeah, we can't be sure Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Where did you say you hurt your foot again? Above the toes, below the ankle.
You know what I mean.
Near the Mallard, but I was sober.
Right, and the quickest way back to your house from there would be to walk past the restaurant I was having my date in.
I took the scenic route.
Uh-uh And my date swore that he heard monkeys laughing, which is what you sound like every time you hurt your foot.
I saw a monkey in A&E.
Right.
If I ask the restaurant for their CCTV, I wouldn't see you chasing after the tow truck and getting my handbag, then, no? If I'd known I'd be hobbling around all week, I wouldn't have bothered.
Why didn't you say something? What, and have you thinking I'm stalking you? No chance.
Frank.
You'll have to tell Sebastian I have cracked the case of Frank's foot.
If you can find him.
He hasn't been in all afternoon.
I think he's having a session with Edie.
Now this is odd.
Edie told Sebastian that her dead husband was called John.
It's a common name.
But it's not the one she gave me.
She told me it was Hugh.
What, she's making up a dead husband? I don't know, but there's something suspicious about her.
You're kind to come back and perform with me again.
No, you're so kind to be understanding about my chicanery.
I just couldn't have you left thinking you were a murder suspect.
It's such a relief.
To tell the truth, I felt guilty.
I poured the wine into his cup.
You can't blame yourself.
Tea, my dear? Yeah, thank you.
Thanks, then, bye.
That was the Coroner's Office.
Hugh Brosnan died in 2004.
And his death was registered as accidental impalement.
Find anything about John? Um, Edie married a Dr John Fairfax in '91.
I'm not sure what happened.
Right, well, I'll ring Sebastian, shall I? See if he can get any answers.
Oh, it looks like hubby number one didn't make it either.
Why? What happened? It just says "decapitation".
Really? Two husbands, both dead.
Impalement, beheaded, poisoned, they all sound so Dead? No, like Musical? No.
Shakespearean.
He's not answering.
And he's not at home? OK, I'm just checking Edie's house now.
Sebastian! Don't panic, I know CPR.
Eugh! No.
I live.
I live.
We were just workshopping a more grounded death performance.
Yeah, obviously.
I mean, I knew that.
That's, erm I was just role playing, so I was just passing, so Cup of tea? Yes, that would be lovely.
Thank you, great.
HE MOUTHS You've suffered many tragedies.
Why do you want to keep acting them out? My therapist thinks it's to regain some control over the trauma.
Who knows? I miss them both dreadfully.
You're the first to find out my past and believe me.
But the truth is, I haven't been honest.
Not another husband, is it? Sometimes when Dalton was in the bathroom, he'd get a message, and I'd .
.
I'd take a peek.
What did you find? Dalton was stealing money from work, and his girlfriend found out.
He was ripping off As You Like It? Is that why you gave him cash, so he wouldn't have to steal? Perhaps it wasn't enough.
Sounds like it was never enough for Dalton.
I know I should've told someone, but I couldn't risk losing Dalton.
But then I did anyway.
Just like all the men I've loved.
Why didn't Pollie tell us she'd caught him stealing? Who's Pollie? Dalton's girlfriend.
Erm .
.
no.
No, her name was Ana.
No.
Ava.
And I know that we have suffered some recent setbacks, but, you know, the greatest art springs from tragedy.
So Oh, excuse me just one moment.
What are you doing here? I'm going to tell the buyer what a two-faced, scheming liar you are.
No, no, no, you can't do that.
I don't work for you any more, remember? Pollie, please.
Just hear me out.
You stole my boyfriend.
What is there left to say? Well, don't you want to know why? Pollie, come on.
Let's go somewhere quiet.
Come on.
Look, Pollie, I know that you are hurt, but we don't want to ruin the deal.
I don't care about your stupid deal.
How much to make you care? You can't just buy people's grief.
Well, what do you want, then? I want you to feel like I do.
I gave you and Dalton everything.
I want you to feel as stupid as I do, as small.
Pollie, let's just have a drink and then LU SHOUTS You were about to try and kill me.
She's had plenty of practice.
What do you mean? She killed Dalton.
And it wasn't over a broken heart.
Dalton was stealing from the business.
You found out, didn't you, and had it out with him? He stole my future.
He drained the account dry.
I I'm the victim here.
Cheated by a cheater, was it? I had to use every last penny just to keep this place afloat long enough to get bought out.
So that's your excuse, is it? You killed him for the good of the company? He hurt you, so you hurt him back.
Didn't he deserve it? He could've been there right with me, with cocktails, in paradise.
He just ruined everything.
The last time we met I even gave him a chance.
We were going to be together.
Yeah, well, it's not going to happen, is it, OK? He could have paid me the money back and he just laughed at me.
He could have been with me, he just laughed at me.
So I I swapped the wine.
Thank you.
I need to go.
You knew he was never going to give you back that money, because you and him are the same.
You deserved each other.
Did you find it? - SEBASTIAN CLEARS HIS THROA - DS Keeler.
Sebastian.
You know, I think Dalton is the one to blame for all this, really.
Well, it's not like he got off lightly, is it? You're welcome, by the way.
Didn't find the poison, though, did you? No, but I found this antifreeze in the store cupboard.
Check out the principal ingredient.
Ethylene glycol.
Lucky guess.
Oh, Sebastian has got some crimson breeches if you want to borrow them.
I don't know if you're interested.
All civilians, off the crime scene now, please.
Yes, my Lord.
My liege.
THEY CHUCKLE Oh, why are we walking this way? You'll see.
Sebastian, do you think Pollie will land OK? I hope so.
Perhaps she'll start up her own version of As You Like It.
I thought you were against all that.
A little more Shakespeare in the world can never be a bad thing.
Even if they are flogging meatballs.
Are you all right? Is it your foot? You know I keep promising you the perfect date.
Well, he's in there.
You can do all that wining and dining you keep going on about.
Ooh, that's exciting.
Oh, I see what's going on.
Yeah, Cupid is about to work his magic right in there.
Oh, you didn't need to do that.
What are friends for? Exactly.
This is a dinner date with you two, isn't it? Just to show me I'm not alone.
No, it's Oh, Frank, that is sweet.
Just just go in.
You don't have to do this.
I have got everything I need right here.
Wha We don't need to go in there and spend half of what we just earned to prove it.
No, it's Who wants a drink at the Mucky Mallard? Lead on.
I am dying, Egypt, Dying.
Give me some wine and let me speak a little.
Noblest of men, would thou die? Hast thou no care of me? Shall I abide in this dull world, which in thy absence is no better than? My asp.
Sorry, I've forgot my asp.
Found it.
Ooh! Ah, where were we? Dalton? FOOTSTEPS APPROACH Oh, hey.
You're here early.
Or are you late? Ha-ha! I trust the date went well.
No, it did not.
Serial killer, was he? He parked on double yellow lines, for starters.
Oh, you play with the bad boys, you.
It gets worse.
So after the date, we came out of the restaurant and he tried to kiss me.
And there may have been Tongues? No, an accidental head-butt.
Yeah, so we went back into the restaurant to stop the bleeding.
And when we came back out, a tow truck was towing his car away with my handbag and my phone in it.
What do you do on the second date? Burn his house down? Don't.
He was so out of it, he swore that he could hear monkeys laughing.
Monkeys? Was it a brain injury? Luckily, the tow-truck man had spotted my bag in the back of the car, popped it in the restaurant for me, otherwise, I'd be stood here now talking to you, still covered in my date's blood.
CHUCKLES: You should put that on your dating profile.
Ah, ooh, ooh! What's wrong with you? It's my foot.
I tripped, sprained it.
Oh, yeah, very treacherous step at the Mucky Mallard, isn't there? I was not tipsy.
I tripped.
We can't all be out every night breaking people's hearts and noses.
Oh, hey.
AS NEW YORKER: Of all of the PI agencies in all of Stratford-upon-Avon.
I walk into yours.
With a job for us.
From an old acting friend, we haven't seen each other for ages.
But she'll only meet in public, so we have to go.
Why are you dressed like Humphrey Bogart? Oh, she hasn't seen me as a PI.
Dress to impress.
Well, you're not a PI, you're our receptionist.
And resident style icon.
Forget it, Jake.
It's Chinatown.
Ha! Pollie.
Sebastian.
Oh, it's been too long.
It's like a meeting of KGB Anonymous.
Lu, Frank, this is my dear friend, Pollie.
Hi.
Hello, thank you for meeting me here.
How can we help? Well, I I don't know where to start.
My boyfriend, Dalton, was murdered.
Pol, I'm so sorry.
What happened? I don't know.
The police won't tell me anything, except that he was poisoned.
The police are investigating? Yes, but this isn't about that.
I need you to protect me.
From who? I don't know.
A few days before, Dalton, he was scared.
Did he say why? Had someone threatened him? He received a blackmail letter that said to "leave or else".
Have you got the letter? The police took it.
I didn't think to take a photo.
I wasn't thinking.
That's OK, you've been through a lot.
Do you know anyone who might want to hurt Dalton? Not really.
I think it's to do with where we work.
I'm a PA at As You Like It, which is all about Shakespeare.
And Dalton is, was, an actor there.
And what exactly is As You Like It? Well, it's a charming bucolic comedy about two friends, Rosalind and Cecelia Er, it's an agency.
If the RSC's lobster and caviar, then we're the hamburgers.
Oh.
ELIZABETHAN MUSIC PLAYS Good company, good wine, good welcome.
Come, some music.
Come, the trumpets, sackbuts, psalteries and fifes.
Oh! Do you do this for everyone? Sh.
Encore, encore.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? If you must.
Did you find any change back there for the car park? Welcome.
I'm Ava Clayton.
And this is As You Like It.
From weddings to work-dos, from adverts to anniversaries, we are Shakespeare for hire.
Well, thanks for the fanfare, but we're not customers.
No, no, of course not.
You're partners.
Fingers crossed.
We are partners, yeah.
Business partners.
Private investigators.
Investors? Private investors? Investigators.
Investors from Pellinore? The largest entertainments company in the UK? No, we're looking into Dalton's death.
Everyone, stop.
Stop.
MUSIC STOPS Pollie.
You said that the buyer was going to be here at noon.
That's what they said, boss.
No, sorry, you can't be here.
What about "good wine, good welcome"? And goodbye.
Yes, we've already spoken to the police.
So, please, leave.
There's a big buyer interested in taking the company national.
We're very excited.
Oh, right, where do I place my bid? THEY CHUCKLE No, no, enough.
We've no time to amuse jumped-up snoops.
Now get out.
GET OUT! We need eyes and ears on the inside.
Yes, if only we knew someone who could go undercover, huh? HE CHUCKLES Wolfe, is it? Wolfe Tempest, actor-for-hire.
Excellent.
You know, we've been short-handed since Hm Welcome aboard.
Pollie tells me great things.
Oh, well, please, believe everything you hear.
THEY CHUCKLE Now, gather round, everyone, gather round.
Now, remember that we have a rep from Pellinore Entertainment here today to witness the wonderful work that we do, so let's show him our guiding principle.
We - Sell - Shakespeare.
ALL: We - Sell - Shakespeare.
Selling Shakespeare makes me feel dirty, and I once dressed as a chicken for money.
Well, what we do isn't that bad.
How come you're not up there performing? Ava thought it would be better if I was in the office.
I'm under her wing, learning a lot.
He looks popular.
Bernard.
He was the original actor here, considered the best.
Until Dalton.
Pollie.
I'd better go.
Wolfe.
Yes.
I'm Bernard.
The boss asked me to show you the ropes.
I'm supposed to show you hair, make-up and so on, but you look like you know your way around backstage.
From proscenium to pit.
Ha.
Well, then, to the good part.
And here we are.
And where are we? Aladdin's cave of wonders? The boss likes to call these treats "up-selling".
I call it a perk of the job.
Go ahead.
Help yourself.
What? To anything? I'm partial to the cologne.
"The Merry Whiffs of Windsor".
THEY CHUCKLE Oh, I shouldn't.
It's only right to get to know the wares you're touting.
Well, if this is part of the official induction.
Hello? Hello.
How did you get on with your police friend? Did you find out anything useful? Can you stop shouting? Did your questioning take place in the pub by any chance? I had to soften him up.
You know what they say.
Loose ships sink lips? Hey, every round was very professional.
Yeah, I bet it was.
Look, I've asked Pollie if she could find out who the last client of Dalton's was and she's given me a name and address.
I'm going to check it out now.
Can you do it quietly? Did you find out what killed Dalton? Yes, it was definitely poison.
The pathologist detected, let me consult my notes, ethylene glycol.
A mouthful of that, you're a goner.
Sounds nasty.
Yeah, unfortunately, it's a common ingredient in solvents and coolants.
Anyone can buy it.
Hey, dial Sebastian in so he knows what to look for.
PHONE VIBRATES Ah, hello, Mammy.
I can't talk right now, a little bit of team bonding.
Whoa, whoa, hang on, I thought we settled on big sister.
He was poisoned with an industrial chemical.
No, tell Nanny that's awful.
I mean, if anything, I was thinking, like, trendy cousin that you go to for advice.
The poison was delivered in a bottle of red wine called Bard's Blessing.
Got to go.
You all right? Erm I think I swallowed a fly.
Perhaps you'll die? LAUGHTER Tell me, can anyone get in here? Only employees are allowed in.
Mm-hm, but it's not locked, I haven't seen any cameras.
You sound like you're planning a heist.
Is the wine that good? Heavens, no.
Any more might be the death of me.
THEY CHUCKLE Don't leave town, Ms Brosnan.
We'll be in touch again soon.
All right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Bye, love.
He died in the garden.
My dear, sweet Dalton.
You were close.
He came round every Thursday.
Three till five, wine and pastries in hand.
We'd perform together, all the classics.
I know it was his job, but he made me feel special.
Sounds so silly.
Not at all.
No.
I have a barista I would marry on the spot.
I've been lonely since my husband died.
Dalton was the first person since Hugh to make me laugh, and Sorry.
Oh.
Sorry.
Thank you.
It's only blind luck I didn't end up the same way.
Yeah, well, yeah, we were wondering why you didn't drink the wine.
I mean, it did seem a bit Suspicious?Yeah.
Yeah, I know, the thing is .
.
my GP changed my pills earlier that week.
I was to steer clear of alcohol.
The police think that a little too convenient.
Oh, don't worry about Keeler, he can't have enough evidence to arrest you.
Well, it's not for lack of trying.
I've been back and forth to the police station like a yo-yo.
I'm pleased someone's finally on my side.
Well, I can't promise anything.
I might not find anything that helps you.
My main focus has to be my client.
Oh, of course.
"Our Antony has gone ".
.
and there is nothing left remarkable "beneath the visiting moon.
" Do you know, I think Edie's innocent, which would mean Dalton carried his own murder weapon to the scene of the crime.
Well, we'll look into Dalton's background, but our best bet is someone tied to the agency.
Have you been looking at this? Well, you know, you left your dating app open for me to find, so But it's private.
I don't want you investigating my dates.
No, you're absolutely right.
I'm sorry.
Good.
Don't do it again.
You really want to know what I've found out, don't you? Yeah, maybe this one.
Cheater.
Ah! I knew it.
He's cut his wife out of the photo, hasn't he? Pretending to be somebody else.
What, a catfish? Oh, it's so hard to find a European prince these days.
What about this one? Pervert.
No.
You remember that flasher we arrested a year ago? I didn't recognise him.
That's cos you can only see his face.
And these are the ones I've matched with.
I wonder how Seb's getting on.
We should ask Pollie to book him in with Dalton's old clients.
Yeah, then he can flag up anyone suspicious and we can look into them.
Yeah.
Hey, we're going to crack this.
You mean the case, don't you, not my love life? In the names of all the gods at once, upon what meat doth this our Caesar feed, that he has grown so great? Thou needst eat at Marco's Bistro.
Friends, Romans, hungry men, lend me your ears.
It's all-you-can-eat pizza night every Tuesday.
But beware the ides of starch with our low-carb Caesar salads.
Et tu, Brute? Yes, that's right.
It's two for one.
Then cry havoc.
And get thee to Marco's Bistro.
Marco's Bistro.
APPLAUSE The gods of theatre will never forgive us.
I'm doing what I love every day.
They've stopped clapping.
How could I be unhappy? Oi, Dalton.
I mean, what's-your-name, come here.
Marco's Bistro.
Here we go.
You have to eat somewhere.
I've got a lot riding on this.
I won't let you down.
Remember, I took care of Dalton, maybe I can take care of you.
That's it, I quit.
I just spent two hours debasing The Winter's Tale to sell hedge trimmers for William Rakes & Shears.
Oh, poor you.
You've heard the line, "Exit, pursued by a bear"? I wasn't the bear.
What about your actual job? Did you find out anything suspicious? Well, there was a customer this morning trying to coerce Bernard into doing something.
He said he'd, "Taken care of Dalton".
We'll check it out.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, shouldn't you go and see a doctor about that? No, no, no, I'm fine.
Anything else? There's something about Bernard.
He's very sensitive about Dalton, and it isn't grief.
Well, I mean, I don't mind feeling him out.
Yeah, I bet.
Oh, it's just, you know, I think he'd probably respond to me better.
You know, he smells so amazing, doesn't he? Just with the oranges and the cloves.
He does.
And that jawline.
Yeah.
HE SCOFFS Don't blow my cover.
I have other clients to look into.
I won't.
That is the dodgy one I told you about.
Whoa, no, no, no.
Lu? Oh.
Excuse me, will you get out of my proposal? Oh, oh.
Why has he got your ring? I'm putting on a show.
It worked so well for the business, I thought a bit of razzmatazz would help seal the deal with my girl.
Oh.
It's just that you said you took care of Dalton.
And now he's dead, you do know that? Yeah, and I'm very sad about it.
But obviously every time he'd come to the restaurant, he'd always eat for free.
Ooh.
"Take CARE of him".
It's a misunderstanding.
What the hell are you doing? I come out here to show off how we make a client's moment special, and you show up.
Well, thank goodness I did.
Because, I mean, what if I'd been a thief? I could've took off with the ring.
No, you just took off with a couple's happiest memory.
Well, technically we don't know that yet, do we? Cos she hasn't answered.
Will you? Is this going to work? Are you proposing to her now? Leave before I sue you into oblivion.
Yeah, sorry.
Bernard.
Sorry, got to go.
I just need a minute to talk about Dalton.
You're not going to let this go, are you? No.
The truth is, Dalton seemed jealous of me.
Nipping at my heels, trying to steal my clients.
That must've been hard for you.
It was sad, really.
I tried to be there for him, but he spurned me.
Oh! I can't imagine why anyone would want to reject you.
I mean, Dalton must've been mad.
Or maybe just in trouble.
I didn't say that.
When you say you were there for him, when was that? It's just a turn of phrase.
Oh, right, like "a shoulder to cry on"? I didn't say he was crying.
No, but you said he was upset.
Do you know, a problem shared is a problem halved.
Well, the week before Dalton's death, he had a huge row with Ava.
Shouting, screaming.
Really? What about? No idea.
But he left with a face like thunder.
And now he's gone.
I should've tried harder to be there.
Oh, it's not your fault.
You can't force someone to accept help.
Thank you, Lu.
"For thou hast given me, in this beauteous face, "a world of earthly blessings to my soul.
" Oh, well, I mean, if you need any more earthly blessings, then you know where I am.
Maybe over dinner? Or not.
I mean, whatever, I'm easy.
I mean, I'm not easy.
I just, oh PHONE CLICKS Hello? Somebody there? I'm from As You Like It.
About time.
Come on in.
What's with the mask? I'm a method actor.
You know what we're doing, right? Act three, scene two of the Dream.
But I don't actually know the occasion.
It's for the missus.
She loves all this stuff.
Ah, it's date night.
With you, your wife and me.
Very romantic.
Where would you like to go from? The duel bit, obviously.
They don't actually duel, but perhaps your fair lady would like some verbal jousting.
"O, Helena.
Goddess, nymph, perfect, divine.
" That's my missus you're talking about.
Is her name actually Helena? Handy.
Ah, look.
You've got a balcony.
Why don't you shimmy up and give her the full Romeo? And then you won't need me.
No, I put my back out climbing up there last time.
Right, it's almost time.
Mask off.
I'd like to keep it on, please.
Come on.
What the hell are you doing here? Moonlighting.
Between you and me, Frank and Lu could pay better.
Leave now.
OK.
Hang on.
You just happen to be working at the same company where someone was recently found dead? You can't move for murders around here.
You guys are investigating Dalton, aren't you? CAR DOOR CLOSES That's the missus.
I should go.
Wait.
The baby-sitter is only here for two hours.
You're here now, so let's do it.
Not a word to Frank and Lu.
En garde.
LAUGHTER And this was before his sword got caught in his breaches.
He does look a bit "ruff".
Ooh, wait until Frank sees this.
He might even give me a raise.
You know what this means? Keeler is luckier in love than me.
Keeler.
Yes, but who wears feathery hats better? Do you think? Yeah? Hi.
Hi.
What's going on? Ava was super angry.
You made her look bad in front of the buyer.
Ah, yeah, that's, well, that was all part of a cunning plan, actually to You traitor.
I knew you'd lead me to your paymaster, but I didn't think it would be you.
Ava? You're a wolf in sheep's clothing.
And not the good wool, the cheap polyester blend.
OK, let's not get oddly specific.
Pollie has every right to know what happened to her boyfriend.
Don't get me started on you.
I'm surrounded by traitors.
Erm, well, no, I think what we're trying to do What do you care? You're only in it for the money.
Yeah, it is my job.
And it's my future.
You know, that sale is my one chance to get set up for life.
What is the one photo on my desk, Pollie? A tropical beach.
And a villa.
And it's this close to becoming reality and I'm not going to let you clowns risk it.
Pollie, you're fired.
Ava, please.
Yeah, good luck affording your little saboteurs now.
I've got it.
What? The perfect man.
Kirby.
Runs his own business.
Is he the one who crafts ale in his mum's basement? He's very family-orientated.
Jim? You know Jim? The barman at the Mallard.
He's 60.
Yeah, but he pulls a good pint.
Are all your perfect men just a way for you to get free drinks? That's a bonus.
Just stop it.
I don't need your help.
And I'm done.
I've been through all of Dalton's client list.
No-one else is suspicious.
And Dalton's background was clean too.
What about Edie? You've talked to all his clients except her.
The company refused her business, for obvious health and safety reasons.
It's a shame.
The thing is she's lonely.
She might open up to Dalton's successor? I'm not going.
You are.
I'll go and chat to Ava about her row with Dalton.
Oh! For the love of Can I just hire you to go on holiday for two weeks? Course.
Shall we go halfies on that villa? You're trespassing.
Why don't you call the police? I'm sure they'd love to hear about your big fight with Dalton.
Let me understand this, you've cornered me, a woman, on my own in the dark so you can threaten me? No-one's doing any cornering.
Then you won't stop me from leaving? Of course not.
Well, I won't stop you either.
So goodbye.
Come on, there must be a reason why you were fighting with Dalton.
If you must know, when I found Dalton, he was on the streets.
What, homeless? Yeah, he was playing a living statue outside Maybrook arcade.
I made him great.
So what changed? Ava? My stupid heart.
I fell in love.
You and Dalton? We're having an affair, right under Pollie's nose.
He was going to be a big part of my new life on the beach, until he ruined it all by getting himself killed.
Was it Pollie you were arguing about? What else? It's ironic, that, though, eh? You firing Pollie for being disloyal.
Well, then, now you get to explain to Pollie that her precious man was actually mine, and then she has to pay you for breaking her heart.
O happy dagger, this is thy sheath.
Oh! There Oh.
.
.
Rust .
.
and oh.
.
.
let Oh! .
.
Me.
.
Oh! .
.
DI-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E! Wow, I A-a-a-a-a-a-ah! Oh, hee-hee! Oh.
You make a wonderful Romeo.
Just the tonic I needed.
And your Juliet was spirited.
I mean it, Wolfe.
Thank you.
Fit me in again soon, won't you? My late husband, John, said I had a taste for theatrics.
Imagine what he'd say about all this.
Mm-hm.
Did you perform all the classics with Dalton? He had a rare gift.
See, I heard a rumour that other clients weren't treated quite as well.
By Dalton? Never.
If anything, he was ill-served by the agency.
How do you mean? They could've paid better, for a start.
I know he was desperate to save up for him and his girlfriend.
I helped him myself on occasion.
He asked you for money? No, no.
He tried to refuse it, but I could tell he needed it.
It's so hard for young people these days.
Did he take a lot? What else have I got to spend it on? What money? Dalton didn't tell you about the extra cash from Edie? No.
He said that he was saving for us from his wages.
He worked extra hours to do it and I put some money in too.
So you had a shared bank account? Well, no, I gave him cash.
Oh, but, um Er, this might help.
I was packing away Dalton's things, and I found this.
Another blackmail letter? Such penmanship.
Most blackmailers never take the time.
I don't think it will help us, though, I mean, we're not handwriting experts.
Look at these insults.
"You bull's pizzle", "You stock fish".
Savage.
Is it? Mm, that means, in today's terms HE WHISPERS Oh.
Wait, so, erm, so it doesn't help? I thought when I found the note that Dalton was guiding me to it.
Sounds stupid, I know.
Oh, no.
What?That's another date I'm going to have to cancel.
Lu, hi.
I thought we said Tuesday.
Call me old-fashioned, but I think blackmail is more of a third date thing, don't you? The scent on the letter, oranges and cloves, same as the cologne you wear.
I wish I never started this whole blackmail thing.
I'm sorry.
SIREN BLARES That's very nice of you.
It's not the letter you should be worried about.
You called the police? No, we're always a step ahead of the amateurs.
Not too busy off serenading, then? I'm arresting you on suspicion of the murder of Dalton Morley I didn't kill him.
I haven't finished yet.
.
.
And for malicious communications under the 1988 Act.
That I did that.
I'm no killer.
Lu, please.
Dalton came on the scene and suddenly it was all about him.
He took what was mine.
Any confessions, please, give them to the police officer.
I confess to being a fool.
I saw Dalton and Ava together, and thought I could use their affair to force Dalton into quitting.
And when that didn't work, you got rid of your rival for good, didn't you? No.
/fon Don't you think that murder's maybe jumping the gun a bit? He's got means, motive and opportunity.
And I'm sure if we got digital forensics to have a look at his computer I was googling poisons for research, to play Claudius from Hamlet.
And I wear a hat to keep my feet dry.
Get him in the car.
But, honestly, it's the truth.
Lu, Lu, you must believe me.
Cheer up, guys, I've solved your case too.
Yeah, we'll see about that.
OW.
You all right there, Frank? The pace getting to you a bit, is it? You look like you need a sit-down, old boy.
Tell you what, while you're at it, go back to your car, put your ruff on and do us a sonnet.
That was good.
Was that funny? Are you OK? Yeah, just a twinge.
Bernard? That makes sense.
But we don't know for sure that he killed Dalton.
But the police think so.
Well, look, at least you're safe.
But I've got no job, I've just found out that I lost my boyfriend to Ava long before he died.
No offence, but part of me wishes I'd never hired you.
I tell you what, you can fill in our client satisfaction survey later on.
It's fine.
The truth will set you free, right? How do you feel about snakes? Stop it.
Stop trying to set me up.
I'm fine, all right? Sherlock Holmes was single.
I'm reclaiming spinsterhood for the PIs.
So that's a no to a taxidermist.
There's something not right about Bernard's arrest.
I think we're missing something.
Yeah, we can't be sure Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Where did you say you hurt your foot again? Above the toes, below the ankle.
You know what I mean.
Near the Mallard, but I was sober.
Right, and the quickest way back to your house from there would be to walk past the restaurant I was having my date in.
I took the scenic route.
Uh-uh And my date swore that he heard monkeys laughing, which is what you sound like every time you hurt your foot.
I saw a monkey in A&E.
Right.
If I ask the restaurant for their CCTV, I wouldn't see you chasing after the tow truck and getting my handbag, then, no? If I'd known I'd be hobbling around all week, I wouldn't have bothered.
Why didn't you say something? What, and have you thinking I'm stalking you? No chance.
Frank.
You'll have to tell Sebastian I have cracked the case of Frank's foot.
If you can find him.
He hasn't been in all afternoon.
I think he's having a session with Edie.
Now this is odd.
Edie told Sebastian that her dead husband was called John.
It's a common name.
But it's not the one she gave me.
She told me it was Hugh.
What, she's making up a dead husband? I don't know, but there's something suspicious about her.
You're kind to come back and perform with me again.
No, you're so kind to be understanding about my chicanery.
I just couldn't have you left thinking you were a murder suspect.
It's such a relief.
To tell the truth, I felt guilty.
I poured the wine into his cup.
You can't blame yourself.
Tea, my dear? Yeah, thank you.
Thanks, then, bye.
That was the Coroner's Office.
Hugh Brosnan died in 2004.
And his death was registered as accidental impalement.
Find anything about John? Um, Edie married a Dr John Fairfax in '91.
I'm not sure what happened.
Right, well, I'll ring Sebastian, shall I? See if he can get any answers.
Oh, it looks like hubby number one didn't make it either.
Why? What happened? It just says "decapitation".
Really? Two husbands, both dead.
Impalement, beheaded, poisoned, they all sound so Dead? No, like Musical? No.
Shakespearean.
He's not answering.
And he's not at home? OK, I'm just checking Edie's house now.
Sebastian! Don't panic, I know CPR.
Eugh! No.
I live.
I live.
We were just workshopping a more grounded death performance.
Yeah, obviously.
I mean, I knew that.
That's, erm I was just role playing, so I was just passing, so Cup of tea? Yes, that would be lovely.
Thank you, great.
HE MOUTHS You've suffered many tragedies.
Why do you want to keep acting them out? My therapist thinks it's to regain some control over the trauma.
Who knows? I miss them both dreadfully.
You're the first to find out my past and believe me.
But the truth is, I haven't been honest.
Not another husband, is it? Sometimes when Dalton was in the bathroom, he'd get a message, and I'd .
.
I'd take a peek.
What did you find? Dalton was stealing money from work, and his girlfriend found out.
He was ripping off As You Like It? Is that why you gave him cash, so he wouldn't have to steal? Perhaps it wasn't enough.
Sounds like it was never enough for Dalton.
I know I should've told someone, but I couldn't risk losing Dalton.
But then I did anyway.
Just like all the men I've loved.
Why didn't Pollie tell us she'd caught him stealing? Who's Pollie? Dalton's girlfriend.
Erm .
.
no.
No, her name was Ana.
No.
Ava.
And I know that we have suffered some recent setbacks, but, you know, the greatest art springs from tragedy.
So Oh, excuse me just one moment.
What are you doing here? I'm going to tell the buyer what a two-faced, scheming liar you are.
No, no, no, you can't do that.
I don't work for you any more, remember? Pollie, please.
Just hear me out.
You stole my boyfriend.
What is there left to say? Well, don't you want to know why? Pollie, come on.
Let's go somewhere quiet.
Come on.
Look, Pollie, I know that you are hurt, but we don't want to ruin the deal.
I don't care about your stupid deal.
How much to make you care? You can't just buy people's grief.
Well, what do you want, then? I want you to feel like I do.
I gave you and Dalton everything.
I want you to feel as stupid as I do, as small.
Pollie, let's just have a drink and then LU SHOUTS You were about to try and kill me.
She's had plenty of practice.
What do you mean? She killed Dalton.
And it wasn't over a broken heart.
Dalton was stealing from the business.
You found out, didn't you, and had it out with him? He stole my future.
He drained the account dry.
I I'm the victim here.
Cheated by a cheater, was it? I had to use every last penny just to keep this place afloat long enough to get bought out.
So that's your excuse, is it? You killed him for the good of the company? He hurt you, so you hurt him back.
Didn't he deserve it? He could've been there right with me, with cocktails, in paradise.
He just ruined everything.
The last time we met I even gave him a chance.
We were going to be together.
Yeah, well, it's not going to happen, is it, OK? He could have paid me the money back and he just laughed at me.
He could have been with me, he just laughed at me.
So I I swapped the wine.
Thank you.
I need to go.
You knew he was never going to give you back that money, because you and him are the same.
You deserved each other.
Did you find it? - SEBASTIAN CLEARS HIS THROA - DS Keeler.
Sebastian.
You know, I think Dalton is the one to blame for all this, really.
Well, it's not like he got off lightly, is it? You're welcome, by the way.
Didn't find the poison, though, did you? No, but I found this antifreeze in the store cupboard.
Check out the principal ingredient.
Ethylene glycol.
Lucky guess.
Oh, Sebastian has got some crimson breeches if you want to borrow them.
I don't know if you're interested.
All civilians, off the crime scene now, please.
Yes, my Lord.
My liege.
THEY CHUCKLE Oh, why are we walking this way? You'll see.
Sebastian, do you think Pollie will land OK? I hope so.
Perhaps she'll start up her own version of As You Like It.
I thought you were against all that.
A little more Shakespeare in the world can never be a bad thing.
Even if they are flogging meatballs.
Are you all right? Is it your foot? You know I keep promising you the perfect date.
Well, he's in there.
You can do all that wining and dining you keep going on about.
Ooh, that's exciting.
Oh, I see what's going on.
Yeah, Cupid is about to work his magic right in there.
Oh, you didn't need to do that.
What are friends for? Exactly.
This is a dinner date with you two, isn't it? Just to show me I'm not alone.
No, it's Oh, Frank, that is sweet.
Just just go in.
You don't have to do this.
I have got everything I need right here.
Wha We don't need to go in there and spend half of what we just earned to prove it.
No, it's Who wants a drink at the Mucky Mallard? Lead on.