Shameless US s02e07 Episode Script

A Bottle of Jean Nate

For those of you who were too fucking busy, this is what happened last week on Shameless: Hey, you filthy fucking Portuguese.
Stan's losing his marbles.
What happened? I know you fucked my sister! You're right, he shouldn't be left alone up there.
Call his daughter.
I'm gonna come down there and I'm gonna kick your ass! He wants to stay in his apartment.
Where the hell've you been? Brazil.
We should get together, have lunch, just to catch up.
FIONA: I'm seeing someone.
STEVE: So am I.
Bring him.
A double date.
Estefania doesn't really speak English.
You're married? Ah, si! You married a drug lord's daughter, to hang onto your ear? I missed you.
Hey! Okay.
DEBBIE: Was it weird seeing Jimmy? FIONA: Who's Jimmy? Jimmy is Steve.
V, they're gone.
Ethel and Jonah.
All their stuff is gone.
His clothes, her suitcase, gone.
Fuck you, Lip! I'll make West Point on my own.
I don't need you.
She's a married mother, publicly flaunting the geriatric she's sleeping with.
JASMINE: Come on, I need an accomplice.
When I tell Hal we're going out for a girls' night, then I won't be lying.
I'm sorry, who are you? I'm your grandmother, sweetheart.
Grammy showed up.
Grammy's back.
Jesus They let you out? Surprised to see you, Peg.
Thought you were doing 20 to life.
I will fuck you up! Oh my God, there's a woman Shit.
Shit! with a gun.
She's at a party, she's shooting people! Go ahead and pull it! Do it! Do it! and I'm gonna kick your ass.
Put some pants on, man.
I got pants on.
Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so Sure of? FIONA: Mm.
Babe, stop.
Come on, you know I hate that.
I'm going to stick my thumb in your butt if you don't stop.
Now we're talking.
Morning, sunshine.
Who let you in? Carl.
(shouting): We don't let people in the house before I wake up! Which guy doesn't like a finger up the butt? (laughing): What are you doing here? I came to invite you out in David's boat today.
I thought you weren't allowed on the boat.
Isn't it the wife's? Yeah, but they're in Indiana.
Dropping one of the brats off at college.
(phone alert) Steve's back in town.
Not sure what to do about it.
Bring him.
Boat's got a Jacuzzi.
Kids start school Tuesday.
I got a lot to do to get ready.
So, come for an hour! Everybody says that, but it never happens.
I'll kick you out after an hour, then.
Shouldn't you be getting your kids ready for school, too? Hal's on it.
He loves doing that crap.
So you'll come? I'll think about it.
I gotta take a shower now, wash your slobber off me.
You know, men pay lots of money for that slobber.
Oh, yeah.
Thanks for the visual.
Go make yourself useful.
I need coffee.
You look like shit, Frank.
You just getting in? Just got up.
It's 7:00 a.
Hurry up in there.
I gotta help my mother out of bed and take her to the bathroom.
Really putting a damper on your drink, puke, sleep schedule, huh? I can't take it anymore.
Your problem.
Not ours.
(dog barking) What about this little guy? Hey, fella! KEVIN: Ah, I don't know, V.
Oh, come on, he's so cute.
How could anyone have abandoned him? And his tongue is almost as good as yours.
A dog is not going to fill the hole in my heart.
When you going to get over this, Kev? Doesn't it bother you that Ethel's gone? It bothers me we're not gonna get the money anymore.
How could she just leave us like that? Because she's an ungrateful bitch.
All right, stop.
I'm serious.
If she doesn't give a shit about us, why should we give a shit about her? She was family.
Well, we have to move on.
I liked having someone depending on me.
Well, then pick out a stupid dog! Dogs are too much responsibility.
A kid isn't? A cat, then.
It's gonna piss everywhere.
Well we're not leaving here without something.
We'll get that.
This baby's pushing on my bladder.
Ah, Jesus.
Not again.
("Kiss From a Rose" by Seal begins) Knowing you were peeing made me horny.
You're a sex addict.
Knowing I have a cold sore makes you horny.
I've been kissed by a rose Look at me.
(whimpers) Look at me, I'm about to come.
Look at me.
Oh, babe.
Oh, baby.
Oh, baby! (singing along): My power My pleasure, my pain (groans) To me you're like a growing addiction That I can't deny Won't you tell me, is that healthy, baby? (sniffs) (sighs) (sniffling) Why do you always do that? What? Cry? (choked up): It's a release.
It's weird.
I can't help it.
I just feel so close to you.
It's like I'm giving you all my hurt and joy to hold and protect.
(choking back sobs) So gay.
Be nice to have a little Jean Nate in the water.
I'll get some tomorrow.
And stop breathing all over me.
I want to go to Indian Bingo today.
Feeling lucky.
Got a big day planned.
Where? At the Alibi? We can go after you take me to Indian Bingo.
Was thinking we should look for a new place for you to live today.
Why the hell would I want to do that? Be a lot more comfortable.
Walk-in tub.
One of those chair-stair things.
A ramp on the front porch.
You'd be a lot more independent.
Don't need it; I have you.
Well, I can't always be here.
Got a full-time job, six kids to raise.
Are we talking about the same person? Scrub harder.
You're scrubbing like a pussy.
Disturbing image.
Morning, Lip.
How's it going, Grams? (unzips fly, urinates) You fuck girls with that pecker? As often as they let me.
Hard to believe he got Karen pregnant with that thing.
(chuckling) It's so small, isn't it? Don't kiss up to me because you feel like a worthless piece of shit.
(zips fly) Missed a spot, Frank.
(toilet flushes) Ass fuck.
Jack off.
You guys still not talking? (thud, gasps) Dude?! Carl?! What the fuck? Holy crap, why have I never done that before? You have too much time on your hands.
Summer school next year.
How's your head? Little dizzy.
You're fine.
Go have some breakfast.
LIP: How much we looking at in the winter-squirrel fund? Just over nine grand.
That's all we made to get us through the entire winter? Frank screwed us when he gave Liam away.
And there was that new compressor for the fridge.
And that stuff for Liam's ear infection, mwah! Everyone needs to get winter jobs.
Debs, get down here.
DEBBIE: I'll be right there.
I'll use the downstairs toilet.
School supplies and clothing, nothing else.
No candy, drugs, beer, or concert tickets.
And I want receipts.
What if the drugs are really good? You're still here? I got caught up reading a magazine.
Hey, that's mine.
Debs, I need you to find the backpacks and any old school books.
Carl, put the day care supplies back in the basement.
Roger that.
Lip, you and Ian clean out the pool.
I think there's a few surprises in there for you.
Carl, tell Lip to do it himself.
Lip, Ian says you can do it yourself.
Carl, tell Ian he's being a douchebag for still not talking to me.
Ian, Lip says you're being a Okay, whatever it is that you guys are still doing, I want it over before school starts.
So figure it out.
Mommy, what's my assignment? Uh, go home to your family.
Actually, I need to go get the boat ready.
Belmont Harbor.
Slip 22.
I said I'll think about it.
FRANK: I'm gonna see what Fiona's cooking for breakfast.
Rooster in the henhouse.
Rooster in the henhouse.
Hide the money! Morning, Gram.
Morning, Gram.
Morning, Grams.
Bye, Gram.
Bye, Grammy! Your grandmother thinks you're being selfish by not spending more time with her.
Why don't you two hang out? Have girl time.
I'm gonna go.
GRAMMY: Frank, give me two three-minute eggs, dry toast, and a cup of Maxwell House before we go to Indian Bingo.
Have fun, you guys.
(mutters) Only one cup.
Huh? That's your second cup.
So? So the baby book says caffeine's not good for the fetus.
Well, it's good for me.
Hey, you want our baby to come out healthy? You okay? Yeah.
Sure? Yes, stop asking me.
(mutters): I'm fine.
(knocking) They're here.
Door's open.
Who's here? My friends from tattoo school, I told you.
(children laugh) JODY: Come in, come in.
They're gonna give us some info about natural childbirth.
(woman laughing) Hey, you guys! MAN: Look at this man, hey, motherfucker! Yeah, looking good, looking good.
Just fucking sits there.
Should we take her out of the cage? Probably needs to acclimate.
Let's call her Ethel Number Two.
What did we do wrong, V? We didn't do anything wrong, Kev.
I just feel like we should be out there looking for her or something.
Social services says they're on it.
Oh, please.
Social services; you think they have any time to go look for her? You heard that woman.
Well, there's nothing we can do.
Maybe she didn't like living here.
You just said 85% of foster kids run away.
What makes you think we're in the top 15% of households? How can you be so cold about this? 'Cause she hurt my Kev.
And no one hurts my Kev.
Come here.
Mmmm, my baby's getting his mojo back.
It was never gone, just on hold.
Oh, shit.
What? One of her weird underwear things, so what? I-I'm not in the mood anymore.
What? Well, where are you going? The Alibi Room.
We can do Lady and the Tramp, if you want.
You know, I'm sorry if it's gonna take me longer to get over losing our child than you, V.
Please don't go out in public with that shirt.
(knocking) Hey! I didn't text you back for a reason.
I wanna explain.
I got everything I need, Jimmy.
I'm still Fiona, by the way.
Fiona, Fiona.
When I found out that you were married, I was hurt.
But then when you had a whole other life, man, I realized I dodged a bullet.
I was trying to explain at the restaurant.
Not necessary.
We're totally cool.
Everything's great, Jimmy-Steve.
I'll be seeing you around.
(mutters) JODY: These powdered donuts are fantastic! LISA: I got them at Costco.
HELEN: Case was only five dollars.
We were there to get a Vizio flat screen.
just a cart full of groceries.
HELEN: Which we needed more than a TV.
It's hard to watch the game on a baked ham, hon.
You guys can use our membership card anytime you want.
Lots of stuff we need around the house, huh, babe? I guess.
You know what you and I should do, Karen? Can you pass the Pop-Tarts, honey? We should go in on a couple of cases of diapers together.
Huh? Since our babies will probably be born around the same time.
You're pregnant? Why do you think I'm eating so much? You could save a bundle on your hospital bills if you just have the baby at home.
You have a tub? Yeah, upstairs.
Besides, if you deliver at the hospital, you run the risk of them slicing you like a turkey.
What? LISA: Yeah, it's true.
Victor here-- come here, baby-- he was nine pounds.
His little elbow was stuck behind my pelvis.
Doctors had to give me an episiotomy.
What's that? It's where they cut you open from vagina to anus.
You don't feel a thing.
It's good drugs.
TOM: I've got the video.
Honey, she doesn't wanna see that.
Nobody wants to see.
I'm telling you, just have the baby in the tub upstairs.
It'll squirt right out.
My lady business hasn't been the same since the episiotomy.
I swear I could fit a walrus up there.
It's not that bad.
Then why did you wrap your penis in toilet paper before putting the condom on the other night? TOM: You saw that? I've been pulling pieces of tissue out of me all week.
Hey, Karen, you okay? Guess who the big winner was in Indian Bingo.
(all cheer) That a girl, Peggy! Did you cheat? Of course.
"How" about you, Frank? You win anything? Come on, Mom, let me play.
Did you bring any cash? No Then no Bingo for you.
Fuck you, Tommy.
(laughs) Hey, Kev.
Hey, guys.
What can I get you? Couple of Old Styles with whiskey backs and a round for everyone on me.
(all cheer) Except for Jinny.
I haven't forgotten you fucked my husband, you miserable excuse for a vagina.
(patrons laughing) Hey, Kermit.
Was wondering, your sister still has MS, right? Yeah, it kinda doesn't go away.
So your house is tricked out with all that handicapped crap then? Handrails, shower bench, Rascal scooter.
How would you feel about taking in my mother? She could pay rent.
It's just that I'm getting really busy.
I'm not taking care of your mother, Frank.
When he was ten, our family cat was in heat.
And he thought that meant we should open the windows.
(hearty laughter) Fire in the hole.
Jasmine invited me out to David's boat today.
I never been on a boat.
Said it has gold-plated bathroom fixtures.
You going? I don't know if I have time.
It's the end of summer.
Before you know it, you'll be back to mittens and multiplication tables again.
I'm coming down.
It'll be a nice distraction for Kev.
He's driving me crazy.
He's still upset? It's not like Ethel was our real kid.
She was our job.
FRANK: I'm getting them now! GRAMMY: Bring down the Jergens.
I need you to massage my feet.
Fiona? Hmm? We have to get rid of your grandmother.
What? Where are the toenail clippers? I didn't wanna have to say this, but she's not happy here.
Put 'em back when you're done.
These are never gonna cut through her crusty talons.
How could she not be happy? She just moved in a week ago.
Ah, he's full of shit.
He just doesn't wanna deal with her.
That's not true.
I love having her here.
I wish I could spend all my waking hours with her.
Do we have any bolt cutters? Good, because she's staying.
The kids like having her around.
It's not their house.
Do they pay rent? She buys 'em things.
And she likes good food that she pays for.
You should've been here two nights ago.
We had porterhouse.
You're invited and I'm not? GRAMMY: And I need some more chocolate Ensure.
Fiona, she's gone, with or without your help.
(sportscast playing) What do you make of these, Kermit? Three of the most boring states of our country.
My foster daughter ran away.
Been sending me these.
I'm trying to figure out a clue where she might be going or why she left.
"Having a nice time in Kansas.
" What does it mean? If I had to guess, I'd say she's having a nice time in Kansas.
Or she's being held at gunpoint.
Forced to write that.
Great, Tommy.
Like I'm not worried enough, already.
I'm just saying you should get these postcards DNA tested.
See if there's any other fingerprints on them.
That's not gonna prove anything.
You know how many people have touched this postcard before it got here? Then throw a blue light on it.
Check to see if there's any blood or sweat on it.
Or semen.
That'll tell you a lot.
Could be right.
Many foster kids become prostitutes.
Jesus! Give me those! There's no semen on them, and my kid's not a prostitute.
Social services is on it.
Yeah, like they're on my sister's welfare checks that keep getting stolen out of her mailbox? STAN: I got to go to my game.
I'll see you guys later, okay? (chuckles) Stan, Stan, what the fuck are you doing? TOMMY: Holy shit! Look at the hog on Stan! Got a baseball game.
What do you think? I've heard rumors about that thing.
Go back to your apartment, please.
Oh, get your hands off me, you knucklehead.
You're gonna make me late for my game.
You don't have a baseball game.
Yes, I do-- it's at Archer Field.
I saw it today on my calendar.
Oh, yeah, your calendar from 1984? Come on, let's go back upstairs.
Well, who's gonna play first base? You know, I just got a call.
They canceled the game.
Oh, geez! I had a lot of money on it, too.
Damn it! Damn it! KERMIT: Come on, Kevin.
It's time to call Stan's daughter.
Put him in a home.
Shut the fuck up, Kermit.
Stan's not going anywhere.
And Ethel is not a prostitute.
I'm surprised you called.
I need you to do something for me.
What? (whispers): Get rid of Jody.
Kill him? No.
Just make him go away.
Everything he does is bugging me.
Get a divorce.
He'll take half of the money from my dad's life insurance.
Oh, you didn't get that yet? No, they said another couple of months.
The police are still investigating.
Oh, yeah? But when I do finally get it, though, I'm gonna open a tanning salon.
Or buy a convertible.
Or get a boob job.
I should've done a prenup.
Well, it's not too late.
Aren't you supposed to get that before you get married? Yeah, if you want to do things the traditional way.
Look, we can print one up online.
I know a guy; he's a notary.
He'll predate it for a couple hundred bucks.
Really? All you got to do is get Jody to sign it.
(laughs) That'll be easy-- he's an idiot.
You said it, not me.
NARRATOR (on TV): and the detectives working with him decided the time had come to pick up the suspected murderer You're in my way.
What's wrong with the TV? Nothing.
This show's in black and white.
You're still in my way.
Looks old.
So do I.
Now, move.
DEBBIE: Here, Carl.
I found these old readers you can use.
(dramatic music plays on TV) Little old for third grade, aren't you? It's my second time.
Not too smart, huh? Anything you're good at? How about let's teach you a skill? MAN (on TV): Okay, we'll have to do the best we can.
(dance music playing nearby) I'm not promising I'm having any fun today, ladies.
Here it is.
Thought she was only having a few people over.
(dance music continues) Why don't we party like this? 'Cause you keep forgetting to buy us a boat.
Oh, that's right.
(chuckles) JASMINE: Fiona! Hey! Hi! Come on board! Grab some champagne.
There's sushi.
Guess who's here? Right there! With his W-I-F-E.
Oh, shit.
VERONICA: Are we doing this? I want to see the Jacuzzi.
Excuse me.
My grandmother's having an allergy attack, and I need to buy her some Sudafed, but I'm under 18 and her driver's license was revoked.
Can you please buy it for her? You making meth? Free rock when we're up and running.
(chuckling) Man All right.
People just don't know, it's the mack, the mack So I have that, I've got it like that Been there, done that That's a fact (cell door lock buzzing) You wanted to speak with me? Yes, Officer Rodrigues.
I think we may have a problem.
What kind of problem? Well, uh, I'm not one to be a rat, but I think you might have released an inmate in error.
And who might that be? Peggy Gallagher.
You mean Body Bag? That's her prison nickname.
Yes, she was released on medical furlough.
That's just the thing.
She's not sick; she's faking it.
Are you her doctor? No.
But I saw her in a kick-boxing class today.
A 78-year-old woman? I'm trying to do my part to preserve the integrity of our penal system.
She's old; she can barely walk.
What threat could she possibly be to society? Let me get my money Let me get my bread, money on my mind Or you end up dead, heard what I said Dollar bills, got a stack You ain't talkin' money, you ain't taking smack All I see is green, all I make is cheese Put it in my pocket, then we goin' overseas Think I'm-a spend it on a girl bitch? Please! Stay on my grind, and I gotta get my cheese A nigga gotta Get that money A nigga gotta get that Ooh! Ooh, that shit is awesome.
Oh, you should've been hanging out with me sooner.
It was snowing all summer in Chicago! (laughs) So this is where the party's at.
KEVIN: What's up, you dirty fucker? How's it hanging? Long and hairy.
Hard to carry.
(Kevin laughing) KEVIN: I miss you, man.
STEVE: You sure that's not just the drugs talking? It might be.
You remember Kev and the gang.
Si, si.
KEVIN: Ola! Ooh, I love this song! Estephania, let's go dance.
Have you ever done Jell-O shots? Ooh, you are so sexy! What are you waiting for, bro? Drop trou, jump in.
STEVE: All right.
What? (laughs) Ooh! What do you expect? I've been in Brazil for the past six months.
Where are you going? I thought you said we were totally cool.
I like your bathing suit.
Thank you.
For the first day of school, what if I wear this red top, with these blue shorts? Must be nice to not get hand-me-downs.
Or is the pink top better? Not stuck with Lip's old crap.
It has flowers on it.
Flowers are for babies, aren't they? You're lucky Fiona's clothes don't fit you yet.
Get to have all new stuff.
Ian, I'm gonna need a little more help than this.
Oh, good, you're here.
I'm trying to make a good impression for my last year of elementary school.
Red top, blue shorts.
That's what I thought.
(clears throat) Karen and I are getting back together.
She ditched Jody.
Now I can step up, be a father to our kid.
Why? What's wrong with Jody? He's a tool.
He is? Mm-hmm.
How will I know if I'm dating a tool? You'll figure it out.
Or I'll beat the shit out of him for you.
Ladies and gentlemen, he speaks! You could have anything you want.
This is the life you choose? I'm not gonna split on my kid like Frank.
Fucking waste.
You know what? You're the one that's pretending to date Mandy so you can fuck her brother.
You know, even the Pentagon says it's okay to be gay, but you're too chicken-shit to let anyone know.
At least I'm not getting trapped by some pregnant skank.
Fuck you! You'll probably quit high school, huh? Start working at Best Buy.
Watch your fuckin' mouth! Wonder how long it takes before you start huffing glue.
Hey! Hey! GRAMMY: Put all that Sudafed down in the basement, Carl.
I know what's going on here.
Saw it with my own boys.
One of the lions has to leave the den.
Strongest one's got to push the other one out, or eat him.
Only one way to resolve this, somebody's got to bleed.
Fight it out.
See who's alpha wolf.
I'll kick your fuckin' ass.
You won't last two minutes.
No knives, no guns, no bricks.
Just fists.
Tomorrow? Labor Day.
I work till 5:00.
At 6:00, then, under the El.
FRANK: Dark chocolate Ensure, just like you wanted.
Too late.
Got to go to bed.
Take me upstairs.
And I'm gonna need you to powder under my tits.
I'm chafing like a son of a bitch.
Honey, I'm so sorry.
We should try to get on Take the Money and Run after you have the baby.
We could totally win.
Oh, gosh, I forgot.
I need you to sign a few things.
Can it wait till after the show's over? It'll just take a second.
What are they? Joint credit card application.
Checking accounts.
Safety-deposit box.
Just some boring bank stuff.
(laughs) Oh, man, poor guy's crying like a baby.
Just sign here.
(man sobbing on TV) (low chuckling) And here.
MAN (on TV): I feel like, you know, that cliche saying, you know, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I feel very strong.
We know that in these trying economic times Prenuptial agreement? We're already married.
You can do it afterwards in some states.
(sighs): Okay.
I love you no matter what.
(chuckles) (loud dance music playing) I love it, I love it, love it, love it I love it, I love it, I love it, love it Ow.
What the fuck?! Quit trying to rape my friends, Scotty.
How you feeling? Oh, my God, great party, Jazzy.
I'm glad you're having fun.
Hey, did V tell you we're gonna hit the highway, try to find Ethel? We're what? Shit, did I not say that out loud to you yet? No.
The idea came to me when I did my third line of coke.
VERONICA: We are not riding down Route 66 looking for Ethel.
Why do you have to be so heartless? Guys, we're supposed to be having fun.
Yeah? Well, tell him to stop calling his wife heartless.
My fake wife.
STEVE: Guys, guys, guys, come on, relax-- it's just the drugs talking.
Yeah, and this is the drugs leaving! Oh, you know what? You're not leaving.
I'm leaving.
I said it first.
Yeah, well, I said it last.
I will throw your ass over the boat! Keep it up! JASMINE: I'm gonna check on Estefania, make sure she's still breathing.
(dance music continues) I can, uh, give you a ride home if you want.
I'm all set.
I took Kev's keys a couple of hours ago.
I'm gonna get some more champagne.
Got me floating, got me numb Hypnotized when I'm on the floor Even though we move, forever changing Even though we move, we might have been How many of these people do you think Jasmine actually knows? Were you ever gonna tell me? Yes, many times.
When? On the flight to Miami? Or is telling your girlfriend about your other life more of an international-waters conversation? Why does my name have to make a difference? (whispers): You're also married.
You just say the word, and I'll leave her.
The fact that you would do that means that I could never be with you.
(Estefania speaking Portuguese) (speaking slurred Portuguese) She doesn't hold her liquor very well.
You should take her home.
(speaks Portuguese) Yeah, yeah.
Forever changing, even though we move Uh, we'll finish this later? Good night, Jimmy.
Even though we move (choked sob) (mumbles) (sighs): Fuck! (sobs): Fuck.
Thought she was out for good.
You have a chance to talk? I don't know what I'm doing.
Honey I'm sorry.
(crying): Why couldn't he just stay in Costa Rica or Brazil or wherever the hell he was? Hey, look at me.
Men are assholes.
And you deserve to have someone treat you like a queen.
I misread that, didn't I? I'm sorry.
It's late.
I I should get going.
It's just that I love you, Fiona, and I-I Forget it.
Forget just everything I said.
I'm I'm really drunk and high.
I'm gonna go.
That's a good idea.
I'm an idiot.
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Thanks for the party.
(sighs) Fuck.
I've been kissed By a rose on the gray There is so much a man can tell you (grows distorted): So much he can say You remain my power (panting): Oh, yeah.
My pleasure, my pain (yells) (screams) What's wrong? What's wrong? Is everything all right? I can't breathe! Is it the baby? No! It's you! Get out! What? Get out! Shit! Out where? Did I do something to upset you? Yes! Everything! Get out! Baby, are you sure? I love you.
I (screams) Karen! When do you want me to come back in? Never! Well, shouldn't we talk about this? Karen? (booming explosion) (gasps) (glass shatters) What was that? No idea.
I-I'll investigate.
What was it? Nothing out there.
CARL: Fiona, Fiona! Where's your grandmother? Buying more supplies.
I'm gonna kill her.
She could live upstairs with Stan, look after each other.
They've always had a thing for one another.
And I wouldn't charge you that much.
For what? My matchmaking services.
It's a win-win for everyone.
Frank, I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, but if you don't shut up, I'm gonna stab you with this ice scooper.
Oh, what did I do this time? Where's your mother? Said she didn't need me this morning, had some personal business to do.
I change her diaper-- what's more personal than that? Shot of Jager, Kev.
Oh, don't hit the bar, Fi.
If you're buying Make-Make it two.
I never thought I'd say this, but you were right.
We have to get rid of her.
JODY: Hey, Lip.
How's it going, man? What, uh what are you doing? Karen kicked me out.
So you're, uh sleeping under the El? Talked to my friend Lisa, and she said this is what happens to women when they're pregnant.
It's hormones.
You sure about that? As soon as Karen's hormones calm down, I'll be back in the house.
No, you won't, weirdo! I'll see you.
Yeah We're going all the way All the way, take it all the way Going all the way All the way, push it all the way We could put a hit out on her.
She's your mother.
Oh, like you haven't thought about doing that to me before.
Can't we just call the police, the FBI, tell them about the meth lab? They'd haul us away.
Not me-- I had nothing to do with it.
Happened in our house-- you're an accomplice.
And there are minors involved.
Yo, Kev, something's leaking.
Come on.
KEVIN: Aw, shit, not again! What the fuck?! Fuckin' Stan.
What if she happens to commit another crime away from the house? You mean like we set her up? I don't know, I hadn't fleshed it out.
Yeah, I guess that's what I mean.
Finally thinking like a Gallagher.
She's putting our lives in danger.
We could have the cops pick her up, tell them it's a Chapter 405.
A mental disorder? They'd take her away.
Involuntary psychiatric hold.
Just like that? No questions asked.
(laughing) That'll work.
That'll work.
Stan! You leave the tub running again? Goddamn it.
Ow! Fuck! Cock, cock, cock, cock, cock.
Goddamn it.
(water running) Stan? No, no No, no, no, Stan? Stan? (both scream) What the hell are you doing? Jesus Christ! You stupid old shit, you scared the hell out of me! What? What? I thought you were dead.
No, no, I'm just taking a bath.
Well, why was it overflowing? Well, the water got cold, so I was adding some hot water.
I guess I fell asleep.
Stan, you can't keep doing that, or you won't be able to live on your own anymore.
Please, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Oh, yeah? Well, you left the stove on, too.
Yeah, I know that.
I did it on purpose.
Now, get the hell out of here.
Get out.
You're lucky I don't drown you.
Ah, get out.
Geez Okay, so we'll clean up the meth lab, air the place out, and then call the cops.
They'll bring her to a geriatric psych ward, Hold her 72 hours, do an evaluation.
What if they find her normal? Aw, get the f Okay, you're right.
When she doesn't pass, they'll hold her for another 14 days and test her again.
Why didn't we think of this sooner? I warned you about this yesterday.
But do you listen to me? No, you don't.
Shit, Carl.
We could've avoided every What's going on? What happened? I'm fine.
Don't listen to them.
Are you the guardians of Margaret Gallagher? She is.
She's my grandmother.
What happened? Well, your grandmother blacked out.
She was at an Ace Hardware, fell, Was taken to the emergency room.
What was it? E.
doc says cancer.
Stage four pancreatic.
Doesn't have long to live.
Thank you, Lord.
Hey, it smells in here.
You blow up our lab? A little bit.
Oh, come here.
We'll get it right next time.
She's got to be in a lot of pain.
Shouldn't be leaving the house.
These morons don't know what they're talking about.
Sign this form, please.
If she were my grandmother, I'd call hospice.
They can manage her pain, make her more comfortable.
Hey, knucklehead, set up the card table.
I want to teach Carl a little five card stud.
JODY (playing bongos): I'm all out of love I'm so lost without you I know you were right Believing for so long I'm all out of love What am I without you? Shit, I can still see him.
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong Shut the fuck up! (singing stops) (exhales) KAREN: Now, where were we? You know, it's okay.
It's okay.
But I owe you for the prenup.
It's a little hard to keep going with Michael Bolton out there serenading us.
I'm gonna get a restraining order.
That's okay.
I got to go beat the shit out of Ian anyway.
I'll call you later.
JODY: If you don't like Air Supply, I know other songs.
(sighs) You're late.
Where the fuck have you been? Getting blown by some pregnant skank, as you called her.
'Cause that's what she is.
(grunting) Ow! Fuck.
(panting) I'm sick of living in your shadow.
Who the fuck's asking you to? It's hard not to when all my clothes are hand-me-downs.
Yeah, well it's not my fault I was born first or more handsome or (coughs) smarter.
Want to get a beer? Yeah.
(groaning) (coughing) Let's go.
School, come on, monkeys.
Carl, come on.
Get out of there.
Our house still smells like meth.
Yeah? Whose fault is that? Whoa, good way to start school.
Wow, you look nice, Debs.
Hey, little fella, did you get out of your crib yourself? My gosh.
Lip, come on, wake up.
The Gallagher tickle spot.
Come on, first day of school, senior.
Oh, not going.
You sick? Nope.
Dropped out.
What are you talking about? Quit.
You only have a year left.
Got to get a job.
Take care of Karen and my kid.
Kev? Kev, wake up.
What is it? Ethel's missing.
I know, for two weeks.
Not that Ethel, Ethel Number Two.
(smooching) Ethel! How'd she get out in the first place? Ethel! Baby? Was cleaning out her cage.
Ethel! And? Forgot the back door was open.
V It was hot inside.
Yeah, well, you let our new bunny escape.
I didn't do it on purpose.
(sniffles) Hey.
Come here, I'm sorry, don't cry.
It's all my fault.
No, it isn't.
I was I was cold to her when she first got here.
Yeah, but you warmed up real quick.
'Cause I loved her.
She knew that.
(sniffles) Then why did she leave us? (sighs) I wish I knew.
We're talking about the real Ethel, right? I think we should have our own kid.
Are you serious? Yeah.
Yeah? Well, hell.
(laughter) Could we start right now? Mm-hmm! (squeals) Ethel! (gasps) Oh, shit, there she is.
Hey, hold on.
Don't you hop away from us, you dumb fucking whore.
Hi, I'm calling about my brother.
Uh, yeah, I can hold.
(quietly): Hey.
Hi, I'm on hold.
Sorry about the other night.
I was pretty drunk.
Uh, yeah, I'm still here.
Uh, Phillip Gallagher, Uh, won't be in school today.
He's sick.
I think it's just a summer cold.
He'll be there tomorrow.
Okay, okay, bye.
I'm pretty embarrassed about the other night.
It's okay, don't-don't even worry about it.
Hey, I have some blow left over.
Could get into some trouble today.
Uh, you should go home.
Actually, I don't have a home.
What? Yeah, Hal found out about David.
He kicked me out a couple of weeks ago.
Yeah, it's okay.
It was bound to happen sooner or later, right? I guess so.
Now I get to start over.
Do what I want, be a single woman.
What about your kids? Are they doing okay? Hal's better with them.
I've just been staying on David's boat, although he didn't know about it until the cops showed up last night.
You've been breaking in to his boat? He never uses it; it's just sitting there.
I gave him the best blow jobs of his life.
You saw him.
I was so out of his league.
I got to get in the shower.
Start looking for a job.
Hey, do you think I could stay here for a couple of days? What? Yeah, I'll kick in some rent money.
No? But I do everything for you.
What are you talking about? I brought Steve to the party, I gave you a job this winter.
I-I gave you clothes and jewelry.
(belches) She still alive? I haven't been up there.
Fuck me.
I got Estefania drunk so that you could have sex with Steve.
I didn't want to have sex with Steve.
(chuckles) Right.
I don't need you meddling in my life.
Meddling? When you need something from me it's fine, but when I need something, suddenly little Miss Fiona just runs away? Okay, you need to go.
Fine! I don't give a shit! You just kick me out, like David and Hal.
You're all just a bunch of assholes! (sighs) Jasmine? (sighs): Fuck (car engine starts) Get out of my yard.
Why didn't you meet me at the airport? I was on my way.
What happened? Doesn't matter now.
I love you.
We met in a snowstorm, I guess And our fingers were stinging to the bone I sold what was mine No one's gonna notice some new dude suddenly showing up overnight? No one gives a shit.
This is Irving's room.
Kicked it a few days ago.
It'll be weeks before anyone figures it out.
Okay, I'll get his legs.
On three-- one, two, three.
(belches) Let's do it again, ready? One, two, three.
(grunts) Fuck it, just leave him here.
Wait, we forgot his buddy.
(whispers): Okay (sighs) Aw, I'll look in on him every day.
Hold on to me See you tomorrow, Stan.
(mutters) Hold on, hold on Hold on Hold on, won't you hold on to me? Ain't it weird? I disappeared
Previous EpisodeNext Episode