Shameless US s08e01 Episode Script

We Become What We... Frank!

1 (SIGHS) For Chrissake.
I don't have time for this, all right? Just run the damn thing so these fuckin' idiots can remember what happened last season.
The building is a real fixer-upper, but it's got good bones.
I'm considering a purchase.
Apartment building.
(LIP) It's no crazier than you buying the Laundromat, you know, and you pulled that off.
Yeah, it's my second meeting.
You really want to stop drinking? - I mean, do you really want to? - Yes.
(BRAD) You like bikes? I don't really know much about 'em.
Help me, uh, put this wheel on this bike.
- (IAN) I love you.
- Then get in the fucking car.
It's not This isn't me anymore.
I've been texting you the past couple of days.
Where have you been? I was with Mickey.
I'm sorry.
- You gonna come home? - Why should I? When I could tell DCFS that we have a home and source of income? - "We"? - Neil's great with kids.
He'll take care of me, and he'll make sure my baby won't ever get taken away from me.
(FRANK) The public school system is being gutted by you sending your kid to this expensive private school.
What would you say if I offered Liam a place here at Hopkins Academy? Oh.
I want to go to military school.
I need some direction.
One thing I do know is, I can take a punch and hit harder back.
Hopefully I can put that to some use.
So you want to be a welder? I can apprentice with someone while I'm still in school, get certified in under two years, and make up to 20 bucks an hour to start.
(SVETLANA) I am new owner of Alibi.
She told us we were signing adoption forms, but really it was papers making her the owner of the Alibi.
You are big lovable papa, but you are stupid manager.
I let Svetlana take my Don't you even think of saying her name.
I let that backstabbing cunt take my balls.
I'm gonna support this family, and I'm gonna get my balls back.
Come on, open your eyes.
Come on! I know you didn't think much of her, but she loved you.
(FRANK) Holy shit.
(FIONA) Frank found seven pounds of meth that Monica had, and now he wants to sell it.
Give me liberty, or give me meth! (UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC) Fuck you, Mom.
Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? (BLUESY ROCK MUSIC) No.
(JASON) "No" what? - Fuck am I doing? - (JASON) Wait.
Your profile made it seem like you'd be down for this.
I'm sorry, I just (SCOFFS) I just I really (SCOFFS) I can't do this anymore.
(JASON) Uh we got kind of far along here.
You think you could put your mouth on it or something? Long time, long time Sugarcane, dance with the devil Here.
Knock yourself out.
Oh, Lord, oh, Lord Sugarcane, burn that fire Sugarcane, sweet inside you Oh, Lord, oh, Lord Oh, Lord Oh, Lord, oh, Lord Oh, Lord (BUGLE PLAYING REVEILLE) (IAN) Jesus.
What the hell time is it? Oh five thirty.
(SIGHS) Uh, you gotta use that alarm? Staying on military time.
Can't get soft over the summer.
(BLUESY ROCK MUSIC) Sugarcane, dance with the devil Sugarcane, blood like a rebel Oh, Lord, oh, Lord Oh, Lord, oh, Lord Sugarcane, burn that fire Sugarcane, sweet inside you - (FIONA) Hey.
- Hey.
Oh, Lord, oh, Lord Early bird catches the worm? Carl.
Oh, God, that bugle alarm again? Yep.
You just getting home, alley cat? Yeah, but I'm turning over a new leaf.
Yeah, what leaf is that? No more sex with anonymous men chosen for their abdominal fitness.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Closing my Tinder account.
I'm done with meaningless sexual gratification.
I want connection, conversation, shared interests.
That's good for you.
Where you going? I woke up feeling like a drink, so I decided I'd run to work instead.
Gotta be at least five miles.
It's actually closer to seven.
Hope you're hungry.
Sergeant York is in there cooking breakfast again.
(CHUCKLES) (CARL) Discipline.
In bed.
Lights out at 2100.
Up at 0530.
In the field at 0630.
The warrior way.
(FIONA) Is that grits? And eggs, flapjacks, sausage and biscuits, and breakfast meats.
(FIONA) Whoa.
Gotta stay strong to man the gates.
Preserve America for all those fat-ass coastal elites taking our liberties for granted.
What gates? The gates that protect us from tyranny and oppression.
How are you gonna eat all that? I gotta stay combat ready for the fall.
I'm a cadet corporal now.
Corporals deal with hell week.
Oh, I can't wait to torture those little seventh grade fuckers.
Espresso? You buy that with some of your Monica meth money? - Yeah.
- Then no.
- You sell my meth yet? - Moved Debbie's yesterday.
Next, Lip's.
Then yours.
- Jesus.
- (CARL) Hey, I can't move it all at once could attract cartel attention.
- Mm-hmm.
- What happened to ramrod-ready American patriot Corporal Carl? The most American thing is the pursuit of free enterprise, Fiona.
- Where's my meth? - You don't get any.
And your brothers shouldn't have taken any either.
(CARL) Okay, well, I guess you won't want to be luxuriating in my AquaRest Bubble Master later today, then.
Your what? Carl bought a hot tub with his Monica money.
Sixteen jets and a waterfall.
Gets delivered this morning.
Do I have to go to all those birthday parties tomorrow? - How many'd you get invited to? - Four.
Oh, they gonna have goodie bags like the parties last weekend? Those Avengers DVD sets were pretty cool.
- Mm, and the GameStop gift cards.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, hey, go get dressed, Liam, okay? It's almost time for school.
(BUGLE CALL PLAYING) Gotta raise the colors.
We have colors? - He put up a flagpole.
One rock.
And then I must return to life.
Here's looking at you, kid.
How was your night? Shitty.
Drunk asshole showed up around three.
His credit card was declined.
He didn't have any cash.
Jesus, you let him out? No, I told him to walk his drunk ass to an ATM and get some cash.
And then he went all mental on me and rammed the gate, tried to beat me with the broken arm.
- What'd you do? - Pepper-sprayed him.
Called the damn cops.
(SIGHS) Hope you have a better day, Berta.
- Oh, you bet I will.
- (SIGHS) Don't get stuck in this job, kid.
It'll suck your soul dry.
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC) Whoo! - You like going to school here? - It's okay.
- I'm not in class much.
- Really? How come? I'm on the playground a lot.
Why? Mm, don't know.
Good morning, Liam.
Love you.
We strongly discourage parents from allowing children to ride in the front seat.
It's not safe.
Middle of the back, okay? Oh, sure, I (FEEDBACK WHINES) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) (CLEARS THROAT) Hey, I need a new filter for the 48.
So wait, is that your Sportster 883 parked out front? Th-that's a SuperLow, right? I wouldn't.
Wouldn't what? Eddie.
She took on a bouncer at the Three Aces.
- That big Samoan fucker? - Yeah, yeah.
Ended up in the hospital a couple weeks.
No shit, that Samoan could do some serious damage.
No, knucklehead, Eddie fucked up the bouncer.
You run to work again? Rough night? It was average.
Got you something.
Oh, fidget spinner? Use it when you feel like a drink.
Uh, takes your mind off it.
I always feel like a drink.
It's gonna get a lot of use, then.
(ROCK MUSIC) - Enjoy.
- Thanks.
- So no more Tinder? - Nope, V, I'm done with it.
No more pointless sex bent over a dirty sink in a club bathroom or scraping my ass on a rusty alley dumpster with my underwear pushed down around my ankles.
- (CHUCKLES) - Eat your quinoa.
A few weeks ago, I had this joker.
He comes, and then he bursts out crying.
Turns out his wife had just dumped him.
I was stuck there for, like, an hour consoling him, when all I really wanted was to go home to my own bed.
You could have just left.
What kind of person would I be if I just left him there like that? The kind of person who uses Tinder to intentionally avoid intimacy on an almost daily basis.
It's not daily.
I just I-I can't be that person who wakes up in the wet spot of some guy whose name I can't even remember's bed again.
I would kill for a wet spot.
With Kev on nights and me on days, we barely see each other, much less make a mess in the sheets.
What if I run over Svetlana with Kevin's truck? It'd be vehicular manslaughter, right? - (SIGHS) - I'd get, what, eight years? Probably do four.
I could do four years.
It's enough already with the "killing Svetlana" fantasies.
Tragic bathroom slip and fall? I hide in the shower, hit her on the top of the head with the toilet lid.
Make it look like an accident.
Hi! Welcome to Patsy's.
(SIGHS) Veronica still figuring out ways to go postal on Svetlana? Oh, yeah.
I don't know.
Maybe you and I just ambush the Russki bitch.
A couple quick hammer hits to the head.
- I'm in.
- (AMBULANCE SIREN WHOOPS) (IAN) Hey, you want to swing by the youth center on the way back to the station, see if anybody needs anything? "Anybody"? He doesn't want you.
He's made that pretty damn clear.
You ran off with an ex-boyfriend.
You disappear for days.
You're banging like bunnies.
I wouldn't want you back either.
You're an asshole.
It's not about seeing Trevor.
The shelter kids don't have access to health care.
All right, Mother Teresa.
We can go hang at the shelter until we get a call.
But don't kid yourself about Trevor.
You fucked that pooch, and good.
(SWANKY ROCK MUSIC) (LAUGHS) One is for the light And two is for the water Three is for the lamb To make room for the fodder Four is for the sun and moon And five is for the creatures 'Cause six is for the people To enjoy all our features Come on Oh, come on, oh, come on Oh, come on I don't know what I'll do Or the kingdom that come But the message is clear It's a letter from God Heaven says seven was a gift from above Show me your love Girl, I want to see what you're made of So you the new slumlord? Uh, new owner, yeah.
Nessa Chabon.
Fiona Gallagher.
If you're here to meet the gas company, he's been and gone.
- Oh, shit.
- Nah.
I let him in.
He checked the meter and split.
You're welcome.
I do a lot of things around the building.
Lightbulbs, clogged toilets, leaky faucets, stuff like that.
The previous owner didn't do shit.
Are you a handyman? Handy, but not a man.
Nah, I'm an accountant.
United Airlines.
What about you? Where are you from? Humboldt Park? Bucktown? Making a small real estate play to jazz up your 401k? (SCOFFS) Hardly.
I'm South Side, through and through.
- You? - Immigrant from distant shores Oak Brook.
That's nice.
What brings you down here to live among the great unwashed? I'm a pilgrim escaping gender persecution.
Local country club ladies weren't too pleased with my choice of dance partners.
So have you met any of the other tenants yet? No.
Well, the old lady with cancer and cats has been living in 1C since the South seceded from the Union.
Vet with PTSD in 2D always has really good weed.
And the junkie couple in 1D fight a lot and occasionally set shit on fire.
And the woman with the couple dozen kids from a couple dozen different dads in 1A.
The kids are a terror.
Think it's too late to ask the bank for my deposit back? (LAUGHS) So are you gonna move in here yourself or rent this one out? Gonna rent it.
How much? Not sure.
Area's up and comin'.
Urban homesteaders and all that.
Lincoln Square lumberjacks are definitely migrating south.
I'm not I'm not gay.
Oh, cool, I'm not looking.
And you're not my type anyway.
- What's your type? - Blonde and bitchy.
I'm a masochist Not physical pain, but emotional turmoil is my thing.
- (CHUCKLES) - (MEL) Jesus, Nessa.
What the hell is taking so long? We were supposed to be there, like, ten minutes ago.
Mel, our new landlady, Fiona.
Fiona's an endangered species.
- Genuine South Side.
- (BOTH LAUGH) Come on.
We're late.
(MEL) Nessa, now! Blonde and bitchy, what can I say? (UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC) (KNOCK AT DOOR) Borrow Liam? Only be a minute.
All right, go play.
Right up front.
- They're kindergartners.
- Go.
(SEERY) Racial, economic, and cultural diversity is one of the hallmarks of a Hopkins Academy education.
If you choose to entrust us with your child, they will be in a school community committed to nurturing loving, responsible, and healthy children in a diverse academic environment.
Good morning, Liam.
Three for you.
Hey, Susie.
All right, how many you want, Jamie? Ten.
Well, you can have as many as you want, as long as you aren't back working that corner.
- Nah, I got a new boyfriend.
- (IAN) Oh.
Maybe I should take 20.
Hey, don't get greedy, all right? Hey.
Hey! The city giving you free condoms to distribute now? No, he buys them himself.
He's gonna go broke trying to sheathe South Side Chicago's teenage libido in lubricated latex.
No, I shoplift them mostly.
- (LAUGHTER) - No, he doesn't.
Hey, I'm heading to happy hour at Jeffrey's after work.
You busy? I have a date.
Bring him.
I can't.
It's drinks and a movie.
Cool, uh, what are you gonna see? Don't know yet.
Lots of good movies out now.
(MAN) Seventy-six.
Auto versus auto.
Possible injuries.
Eighty-sixth and Cermak.
All right.
Let's go, cowboy.
That's us.
Gotta go.
(ENERGETIC ROCK MUSIC) "Lots of good movies out there now"? - That was goddamn lame.
- Shut it.
You were tapping that and you let it go? It got complicated.
Why? Because he fucked an old boyfriend? Grow up, dude.
Hello, sir.
May I have your ticket? Uh, I lost it, but I've only been here a couple minutes.
Lost ticket pays full price, sir.
$24, please.
I'm not giving you $24.
We take Visa, Mastercard, and American Express.
I came in ten minutes ago, right there beside you.
- You didn't see me? - No, sir.
My job requires that I focus on the exiting vehicles.
Have you tried retracing your steps, see if you can find where you may have lost your ticket? I'm not retracing anything, bitch.
Take the goddamn money.
Please watch your language, sir.
My language? You want me to get out of this truck and fuck you up? No, sir.
I don't.
Because if you were to get out of your truck, I would have to Tase you and then superglue your mouth and eyelids shut until the police arrive.
(TASER CRACKLING) Now, will that be cash or credit, sir? (PERCUSSIVE MUSIC) (READING INDISTINCTLY) (ROBIN) Liam.
Go ahead.
(SEERY) Diversity is central to our mission of pursuing academic excellence alongside a commitment to nurturing loving, responsible, and healthy children in a diverse academic environment.
Good morning, Liam.
(SIGHS) Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! (DISTORTED VOCALS) Whoo! Namaste, namaste, namaste! Where the hell have you been? In mourning and meditation after the death of your mother.
Acceptance, resurrection, enlightenment.
And we have to deny the existence of a permanent entity that remains constant behind the changing corporal or incorporal components of a living being.
All things are in a constant state of flux.
All is changing, and no permanent state exists by itself.
Your mother Holy Buddha rest her soul Stole my chakra when I was 20 years old, and she kept it until her death, and now she's gone.
And I'm free.
Can I use the shower? Or-or but Unless you were planning to take a shower soon.
Uh, I'm good.
Want me to sell any of that meth? Soon as I sell lan's, I could find a buyer for yours.
No need.
I smoked it.
An entire pound? What? (LAUGHS) No, like, half.
I gave the rest away to the needy.
(GROANS) Nasty side effects, though.
(HORN HONKS) My Bubble Master.
It's beautiful.
You used your mother's inheritance to buy that? Yeah.
She'd love it, son.
Eight blocks north, up by the park.
One-bedrooms are going for a thousand.
Eight blocks north up by the park has an El stop, a Starbucks, and they're building a Whole Foods.
Hey, Sierra.
Can you take the girls out back and get some chili cheese nachos, extra cheese, and some Mountain Dew, but no refills? So I just walked by the Alibi Mm-hmm.
And it's not called the Alibi anymore.
- What? - Putin's Paradise.
Bunch of Russian flags out front, and it was crowded I peeked.
That bitch is gettin' rich and we can barely put food on the table? We have to go back to the lawyer.
Oh, V, the lawyer said there's nothing they can do for us.
Then we have to find new lawyers.
Svetlana's Russian.
Russians always win.
That's not true.
Miracle on Ice? Well, they usually win, what with the winners in the KGB and them pumping their athletes full of so much steroids that their women grow beards and their testicles drop.
You think I could ask for 900? - No.
- For what? One-bedroom apartment.
From that dump you just bought? - No.
Five hundred, tops.
- Five hundred? Jesus.
- All right, I gotta go to work.
- No BJs, Kev.
Feeling up only, and nothing below the waist.
V, we could really use the money.
Five hundred? Really? Kev doesn't know what he's talking about.
Kevin never knows what he's talking about.
You can do it for at least 6.
- Hey, guys.
- (LIP) Hi.
Usual? Coffee and a slice of every pie we've got? (BRAD) And a couple rice puddings.
What kind of Jell-O you got today? Strawberry and lime.
Two of each.
Extra whipped cream.
(BRAD) No.
"No" what? You just got sober.
Yeah, well, we're friends.
I call bullshit.
No new relationships.
Yeah, it's not new.
She broke up with you because of your drinking.
If you really think she's the one, just tell her you need six months to work the steps.
All right, six months, huh? Tell her that if you don't work the steps, you're gonna fuck it up and drink next time you guys are in a fight.
I'm gonna ask for 850.
I can always go lower later.
(ROCK MUSIC) ICE! ICE! This is not a drill! ICE! ICE! ICE! Hi! Can I help you? U.
Custom and Immigration Services.
- Everyone freeze.
- (MAN) Hey! Hey! Lay me down in the ground My time is running out And if I ever see you All right.
V, you're on the register.
Lip, Sierra, looks like we're cooking.
Flesh, blood, skin, and bone Drag me down to a river that's cold - I'd like to apologize, son.
- For what? For whatever I've done to you that I can't remember.
What do you remember? Um, honestly, not much.
I'm making amends to all the people I've harmed the three decades your mother had me under her intoxicating spell.
So is there anything that you can think of that I should apologize to you for? Kind of a long list.
Well, let me just apologize for all of it, huh? I'm sorry, son.
Thank you.
I'm off to find others in need of my amends.
I made a list.
That's it? No, it's just the beginning.
Once I begin making amends for the things I do remember, it'll jog my memory for all the rest.
What the hell happened in here? Half-price drinks to anybody who can order in Russian.
It took me a week to learn pivo pozhaluysta, and I still think I'm saying it wrong.
She only plays Red Army parades on the TV.
Won't even change it for the Sox games.
So you come back.
- It's about time.
- We need to talk.
No shit.
I want you to do the right thing.
- Which is what? - Give us our bar back.
- We'll be thruple again? - Hell no.
Then no.
You and big, handsome Kevin husband are stupid people.
You need caring for like babies.
We trusted you, and you lied to us.
You would have lost the bar.
You would have lost everything.
You didn't pay taxes for two years.
I stayed up all night doing books while you two sleep.
You should be in here thanking me instead of whining like little baby.
You want to go back to old way, fine.
Otherwise, get your chorny ass out of my bar.
(CRIES OUT) (YELLS) (BOTH YELLING) Should we try to stop them? Not until some clothes come off.
I'm here to make amends.
In 1995, I think I broke into your house and-and-and stole your TV.
I didn't live here in 1995.
- Really? - No.
Uh Could've been, uh, '96? Did anyone ever try to rob you? Woke up to a guy trying to climb in bed with me once.
That wasn't me.
Wait, did you used to be a redhead? (FRANNY SQUEALING AND CRYING) Hi.
Davita was late, and I couldn't leave until she showed.
Something about her bunions.
And now I'm gonna be late for school.
(SIGHS) Suppose I could get something to eat at school.
They have burritos in the vending machine.
Tuna fish too, but I don't know.
Tuna from a vending machine? How do you know how long it's been in there for? I made rice and chicken for Franny.
It's in a Tupperware on the bottom shelf.
And, Neil, don't forget to cut up her chicken into tiny bites so she doesn't choke on her food.
(MICROWAVE BEEPS) Oh, and, uh, Neil, Franny needs a bath.
And I'm going for drinks with friends from school after class.
Here you go, and try to get Franny into bed no later than 7:30, okay? Seven thirty, Neil.
Oh, and don't let Franny fall asleep with her pacifier in her mouth.
It's bad for her teeth.
- Bye.
Been a while.
I'm here to make amends.
Uh, January 1989.
You and I were under the freight tracks.
Jesus, Frank, '89? We'll be here till Christmas.
Get to the more recent shit.
Really? How about the shit the statute of limitations hasn't run out on yet? How long is that? Seven years for everything except murder and kidnapping.
All right, um November 2010.
We were at 63rd Street Beach doing glue.
Mad Dog and you had blacked out.
I had shit my pants, so I stole yours.
- That was you? - Yeah.
You're a fucking asshole.
Don't I know it.
Uh, January 2011.
Remember that little dog you used to have? (CARSON) Debbie.
Remember, watch your bevel, and be careful about the width.
And maintain control of your rod.
- Never gonna happen.
- What? His rod.
A girl can dream, right? So I got my Monica inheritance money.
Can you borrow your brother's truck tomorrow? You really want to do that? Absolutely.
It's time for me to stop focusing on what others did to me in the past.
My mom.
My asshole baby daddy, Derek.
I am woman, and I am strong.
I'm leaning in, Farhad.
I'm leaning in.
(SMOOTH ROCK MUSIC) (SIERRA) I can pay it all by the 15th.
No, I can't do it all right now.
Uh how about 50? (SIGHS) Sure.
No problem.
The phone company? - Electric.
- (BELL DINGS) Order up! (CELL PHONE RINGS) (SIGHS) Hey, Tanya.
Seriously? (SIGHS) No, if you can't, you can't.
I'm not mad.
What is with this day? Is Tanya all right? She was supposed to sit for Lucas tomorrow night, but they changed her shift at Popeyes.
- (BELL DINGS) - (LIP) Ah.
I could babysit.
I mean, I haven't seen Lucas in forever, so I don't think that's a good idea.
Oh, come on.
Order pizza.
Kick his ass in Mario Kart.
I need a sitter tomorrow night because I have a date.
I figured.
With Charlie.
Sorry, I-I thought you'd given up on Charlie.
He's back in NA, trying to get himself straight again.
He's Lucas' father, so I figure I have to give him a second chance.
Yeah, that's good.
Oh, I still want to babysit.
Uh, you know, I-I miss Lucas.
You know, and, uh I'm cheap.
Yeah? How cheap? Like, absolutely free kinda cheap.
Thirty-six eighteen an hour? (MIKE) Overtime, medical, pension.
Pension we're never going to see.
We might.
We might.
The company bellied up.
They're not paying us shit.
What'd you used to do? Pressman.
Union work.
(MIKE) Newspapers.
People used to read 'em before you were born.
I know what a newspaper is.
(DAVEY) Was.
You ever bought one? No.
(DAVEY) Exactly.
What are you training to be now? (MIKE) He's home health care, and I'm air-conditioning and heating repair.
Them bastards will probably figure out a way to outsource wiping wrinkly elderly butt to Mexico too.
They already have.
It's called illegal immigration.
(LAUGHTER) You have beautiful hair.
Beauty school.
Did you dye it to get it that color? Uh, no.
It's all me.
Can I Can I cut off a sample? - I'd love to try and match it.
- (LAKISHA) Mm-mm.
Don't let him near your hair with a pair of scissors, honey.
This man's a menace.
(MIKE) Dental hygienists are back at it.
Do they all smoke? They're trying to get their teeth really yellow so they can practice whitening them in class.
Son of a bitch.
Son of a bitch.
(FARHAD) Uber! Uber! You motherfuckers! Fuck you! (LAUGHTER) Farhad and Wendell were taxi drivers.
Uber wiped them out.
- (LAKISHA) You want a beer? - Um Believe me, sweetie, nobody in this rat hole gives a shit.
- Oh.
Sure, thanks.
- Here's to second careers.
(ALL) To second careers! - (MAN) Or third.
- (LAUGHTER) We know how to get it, we know how to get it I be throwin' money and ain't no limit I got all this money Yo.
What up? Hop in.
Get it, get it, man Get, get, get it, girl Get, get Get, get, get it, girl Gotta get, get it, gotta get it, girl (MOANS) Gotta get it, girl (SIGHS) - (IAN) It's nice, huh? - Yeah.
Got your Monica Franklins.
- (LIP) Any trouble? - No, my guys are chill.
Don't worry, you're next.
- How was school today? - Okay.
Some cracker told me my life matters.
Whoa! It came out great, Carl! Where the hell have you been? Smoked up all my meth, got over your mother, and now I'm a new man.
I'm making amends to those people I've hurt.
Can I make amends to you guys tomorrow? - Uh - Yeah, that's fine.
Fuckin' whatever.
May I? Sure.
Get, get, get it, girl Get, get Get, get, get it, girl - Namaste! - Work it, work it Make that body work (MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING) All right, gold lamé doesn't come off.
You can get your face near it, but I'm not gonna get hard no matter how much you blow on it.
Work it, work it (INHALES DEEPLY) Yeah, you can smell it if you want.
You only have 45 seconds left in the song, so use it wisely.
When's the last time you did a self-exam? - (NEEDLE SCRATCHES) - A what? You have a lump.
- I do? - It's not my area of expertise.
I'm a cardiologist.
But I can refer you to an excellent oncologist.
Whoo-hoo! Get down, get down (FUNKY MUSIC) Yeah, yeah, yeah Get up off your rusty dusty Get up Whoo-hoo! Okay.
I gotta go meet potential renters at my building this morning, but I'm gonna be back in time to take you to your birthday parties, okay? Well, uh, wish me luck, my family.
I'm off to deliver more amends.
My beautiful daughter Fiona.
For whatever I've done to harm you all these years, I am truly sorry.
(SIGHS) I fell in love with your mother when I was 20 years old, and off we went, down Alice's famed rabbit hole, but now I am released, emotionally stunted, but still a young man, in many ways.
Twenty-one at most.
My whole young life, spread out in front of me.
So I am off to learn how to try to be a grown-up.
He smoked half a pound of meth.
Could be major brain damage.
Too early to tell.
(FRONT DOOR CLOSES) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Hi, how you doing? I'd like to pay an overdue bill.
Account number? Uh, no, but I have a name and address.
You gonna keep it a secret? Oh, sorry.
It's, uh, Sierra Morton.
It's, uh, 5879 West 68th.
Apartment six.
(SMOOTH ROCK MUSIC) If you're hoping for renters to show up, you're gonna have to do more than just put up a sign.
Oh, I put it online.
A few people called already.
How much are you asking? - Eight fifty.
- (EXHALES SHARPLY) That's a bit pricey for this neighborhood.
If I don't get a taker, I can always lower it, but at 850, I'll have a few bucks left over to put back into the building.
- (SIGHS) - (DOOR SLAMS) - (FIONA) Hi! - Hello.
(FIONA) Welcome.
Come on in.
Have a look around.
I'm here if you have any questions.
(MAN) Thank you.
Paint's new.
And the fridge.
Laundry? In the basement.
It's coin-op.
- Hi, welcome.
- Hey, what's up? Uh, there's, uh, alternate side parking on the street, and there's a space out back that comes with the apartment.
I only have my bike.
Plus first, last, and a one-month security deposit.
(WHISPERING) What are you thinking? (WHISPERING) I like it.
We'll take it.
Really? Great! Eight seventy-five.
Nine hundred.
Nine fifty.
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC) Uh (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) You paid her electric bill? Gonna pay me back when she can.
You're spending your mom's dirty meth money on your ex-girlfriend who doesn't want you anymore.
And now you want to go over there and babysit her kid.
His name's Lucas.
I don't know.
We're buddies.
(SCOFFS) You're just praying that she comes back from her date horny and you can be there to step in.
Go ahead.
Deny it.
You can't.
Your girl's on the phone again.
Needs you to run to the CVS for more Preparation H.
This bed rest shit is running me fucking ragged.
Damn baby can't come soon enough.
- Hi.
- Fuck off, runt.
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC) Hey! (SHOUTING IN MANDARIN) Sir, yelling isn't gonna solve anything.
We are authorized officers from the Department of Homeland Security, here on behalf of the chief executive of these United States.
You in charge here? Yes, ma'am.
I have a load of illegals I need rounded up.
- Oh, yeah? Who? - Bunch of Russians.
Russians aren't really a priority, ma'am.
Why the hell not? You really have to ask that? But take a chance with me now They're involved in human trafficking and prostitution.
You sure? Load 'em up quick, boys! We got Russian prostitutes.
- It's my brother's.
(CARL) What's all that shit? My welding gear.
Is that what you spent your Monica money on? Yep.
What the hell is it for? The future.
She's the leader.
You don't give up easy, do you? Patience is a virtue.
You try buying him something nice? Like what? A car or something? A car? Might do it.
(JAMIE) Let's go.
(TREVOR) You're getting quite a fan club.
What can I say? I'm irresistible.
"No," I'm not irresistible? Uh, no, I'm not going to do whatever it is you're about to ask me to do.
- Take you out for a drink? - No.
- What if I throw in a car? - What? Jamie thinks I should buy you a car.
Wh-what kind of car? Probably have to be used.
I really am sorry.
How-how are you doing? Okay.
Your mom? I miss her.
It's weird, huh? Never around when she was alive, and I never thought about her, and now she's gone, and I think about her all the time.
Come on.
One drink.
Hmm? I I gotta go.
(MELLOW ROCK MUSIC) I'm coming back tomorrow.
There is a four-centimeter mass in your right breast.
We need to do a biopsy immediately.
I should have called an ambulance, Dave.
I know that now.
Honestly I thought you were just floating.
Holy shit.
Jackson? Well two birds with one stone.
Um Hey, Jacks.
When you're right, you're right.
I should've let you drive.
When did he fall asleep? Uh, maybe half an hour ago.
How was your dinner? It was fine.
I was about to carry him into bed, you know, if you want to relax or whatever.
No, thanks.
No, really, I mean, I probably should've taken him to bed a while ago, so (KNOCK AT DOOR) Hey.
I found a spot for your car.
Around the corner.
- Is that cool? - Yeah.
(ROCK MUSIC) Uh, I should get going.
There's, uh, leftover pizza in the refrigerator.
- Thanks for watching Lucas.
- Yeah, it's no problem.
- Can I pay you something? - No.
No, it's fine.
- Really, I should do - Honest, no, it's fine.
Sure is the life (SIERRA) Night.
A thousand bucks? Don't go thinking you can raise our rent, now.
You have a lease.
For another six months.
We negotiating already? - Hell yes.
- Hmm.
And I always win.
I do not doubt it.
You got a great job.
Why did you never buy this place? It's a shithole.
That guy from the other night, he sent me a dick pic.
Oh, my gosh, that is so nasty! You actually let those things near you? Ugh.
Well, they look a little better when you're drunk.
I've never been that drunk.
- What? Never? - Nope.
(MEL) Jesus, Nessa, are you planning on coming to bed, or are you gonna sit out there hitting on our landlady all night? (WINDOW SHUTS) My Juliet beckons.
(DOG BARKING) (MEL) Nessa, now.
(NESSA) I'm coming! I'm coming, for Chrissakes.
Um (ROCK MUSIC) What's this? I'm paying you back, you know, for the rehab.
It's 9,000 there.
I don't have it all, but I can get you something every week now that I'm working.
You don't have to pay me back.
I want to.
Thanks for the rehab.
So come on So come on! (BUGLE PLAYING REVEILLE) America first, motherfuckers.
So come on! You and I belong So come on
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