Sherlock s03e00 Episode Script
Many Happy Returns
You bastard! A breakaway sect of Buddhist warrior monks infiltrated by a blonde drug smuggler?! That never really happened.
A blonde drug smuggler who was exposed by an abbot with unusual powers of observation and deduction.
A blonde woman hiding amongst bald monks?! That wouldn't exactly take Sherlock Holmes.
Well, perhaps it did.
He's dead.
I'm sorry, I wish he wasn't, but he really is dead and gone.
Well, how do you explain this? Sighting number two.
Incident at New Delhi.
You haven't be titling these?! After that, it was simply a matter of tracking down the killer.
Which I did by working out the depth to which the chocolate flake had sunk into the victim's ice cream cone.
My friend will you not take any of the credit? This was all down to you.
Clever man, Inspector Prakesh.
Oh, what police inspector could have made that deduction?! Oh, thank you! You remember how Sherlock never took the credit when he solved all of your cases? - He didn't solve all of my cases.
- He's out there.
He's hiding, but he can't stop himself from getting involved.
It's so obviously him, if you know how to spot the signs.
Klein Brothers, the Towerhouse thing, the Kensington Ripper - solved all those myself.
Well, you got Towerhouse wrong.
No, I didn't! Yeah, you did.
Okay, sighting number three.
The Mysterious Juror.
'It had to be him.
' There's no-one else it can be, do you not see? I see that you lost a good job fantasising about a dead man coming back to life.
And I know why you want that to happen .
.
but it's never going to.
Okay .
.
I want to go and see an old friend.
You take care, okay? I'll put a word in, see if they won't review your case.
Just look at the map, though.
He's getting closer.
It's like he's coming back.
Well, it's good to see you, Greg.
- And you.
- Have a seat.
So, how have you been? Er, yeah, good.
Yeah.
Much better.
- So what's in the? - Oh, that? Yeah, that's um that's some stuff from my office, some stuff of Sherlock's, actually.
I probably should have thrown it out, but I didn't know if No, fine, yeah.
Yeah, there's there's something here, um I wasn't sure whether I should have kept it in.
You remember the video message he made for your birthday? I had to practically threaten him.
This is the uncut version.
It's quite funny.
Oh, right.
- Maybe I shouldn't have brought it.
- Don't worry, it's okay.
Probably won't even watch it.
Was that supposed to happen? The light going down? Yeah, okay.
Oh, er, hm, so what do I what do you want me to do at the end? Shall I, um, smile and wink? I do that sometimes.
I've no idea why.
People seem to like it.
It humanises me.
It's fine, whatever.
- Why am I doing this again? - You're going to miss the dinner.
Of course I'm going to miss dinner, there'll be people.
How could John be having a birthday dinner? All his friends hate him.
You only have to look at their faces.
I wrote an essay on suppressed hatred in close proximity, based entirely on his friends.
On reflection, it probably wasn't a very good choice of gift.
- What was my excuse again? - You said you had a thing.
Oh, right, yes, that's right, a thing.
You might want to elaborate.
No, no, no.
Only lies have detail.
Right, I just I need a moment to figure out what I'm going to do.
I can tell you what you can do.
You can stop being dead.
Okay.
Okay, I'm ready now.
Hello, John.
I'm sorry I'm not there at the moment, I'm very busy.
However, many happy returns.
Oh and don't worry, I'm going to be with you again very soon.
He's coming back.
Subtitle 'edited' by: Goofy-heart : )
A blonde drug smuggler who was exposed by an abbot with unusual powers of observation and deduction.
A blonde woman hiding amongst bald monks?! That wouldn't exactly take Sherlock Holmes.
Well, perhaps it did.
He's dead.
I'm sorry, I wish he wasn't, but he really is dead and gone.
Well, how do you explain this? Sighting number two.
Incident at New Delhi.
You haven't be titling these?! After that, it was simply a matter of tracking down the killer.
Which I did by working out the depth to which the chocolate flake had sunk into the victim's ice cream cone.
My friend will you not take any of the credit? This was all down to you.
Clever man, Inspector Prakesh.
Oh, what police inspector could have made that deduction?! Oh, thank you! You remember how Sherlock never took the credit when he solved all of your cases? - He didn't solve all of my cases.
- He's out there.
He's hiding, but he can't stop himself from getting involved.
It's so obviously him, if you know how to spot the signs.
Klein Brothers, the Towerhouse thing, the Kensington Ripper - solved all those myself.
Well, you got Towerhouse wrong.
No, I didn't! Yeah, you did.
Okay, sighting number three.
The Mysterious Juror.
'It had to be him.
' There's no-one else it can be, do you not see? I see that you lost a good job fantasising about a dead man coming back to life.
And I know why you want that to happen .
.
but it's never going to.
Okay .
.
I want to go and see an old friend.
You take care, okay? I'll put a word in, see if they won't review your case.
Just look at the map, though.
He's getting closer.
It's like he's coming back.
Well, it's good to see you, Greg.
- And you.
- Have a seat.
So, how have you been? Er, yeah, good.
Yeah.
Much better.
- So what's in the? - Oh, that? Yeah, that's um that's some stuff from my office, some stuff of Sherlock's, actually.
I probably should have thrown it out, but I didn't know if No, fine, yeah.
Yeah, there's there's something here, um I wasn't sure whether I should have kept it in.
You remember the video message he made for your birthday? I had to practically threaten him.
This is the uncut version.
It's quite funny.
Oh, right.
- Maybe I shouldn't have brought it.
- Don't worry, it's okay.
Probably won't even watch it.
Was that supposed to happen? The light going down? Yeah, okay.
Oh, er, hm, so what do I what do you want me to do at the end? Shall I, um, smile and wink? I do that sometimes.
I've no idea why.
People seem to like it.
It humanises me.
It's fine, whatever.
- Why am I doing this again? - You're going to miss the dinner.
Of course I'm going to miss dinner, there'll be people.
How could John be having a birthday dinner? All his friends hate him.
You only have to look at their faces.
I wrote an essay on suppressed hatred in close proximity, based entirely on his friends.
On reflection, it probably wasn't a very good choice of gift.
- What was my excuse again? - You said you had a thing.
Oh, right, yes, that's right, a thing.
You might want to elaborate.
No, no, no.
Only lies have detail.
Right, I just I need a moment to figure out what I'm going to do.
I can tell you what you can do.
You can stop being dead.
Okay.
Okay, I'm ready now.
Hello, John.
I'm sorry I'm not there at the moment, I'm very busy.
However, many happy returns.
Oh and don't worry, I'm going to be with you again very soon.
He's coming back.
Subtitle 'edited' by: Goofy-heart : )