Shrink (2017) s01e01 Episode Script
1,920 Hours
1 [CLEARS THROAT.]
"Pursuant to the requirements set out by Illinois Statute 225 ILCS-107, I am required to inform you that I am not a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist, or a registered therapist, but that these therapy sessions are being tape-recorded to provide a record of the 1,920 supervised clinical hours needed to acquire such a license.
" So do I have your permission to tape-record this session as evidence of hours performed? Yes, sir.
Oh, you don't have to call me "sir.
" You're gonna be a doctor one day, right? Yes, that's my intention.
So you're like a half-doctor now? Uh, no.
No, there's no such thing as a half-doctor.
You're either a doctor or you're not a doctor.
Dr.
Tracy? Uh, here.
Present.
Hello, Doctor.
Um, I was going over your intake form, and the section where you put your income you wrote zero.
Oh, yeah.
Zero dollars.
- That's correct.
- Okay, so you're not a doctor.
No, I am a doctor.
Okay, well, most doctors do have some income.
Right, but, uh, I have no income.
Um, I just graduated from medical school, but I didn't get a residency.
Okay, so you're not a doctor.
No, I am a doctor.
I just can't practice medicine.
Well, I can't practice medicine, either.
So we're both not doctors.
No.
You are not a doctor.
But basically, I'm doing an internship where I administer free sessions.
Free sessions? YOURG: And it's free, though.
Yes, it's illegal for me to charge money.
That's great.
I wish you were a bakery.
That'd be great to have a bakery that could not charge.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yes.
Yeah.
I'd eat my weight in cinnamon rolls.
Okay.
I guess we can start there.
I'd like to eat my weight in cinnamon rolls.
Oh, okay.
Is food an issue? That is That's the big one.
All right.
Great.
So, um - Purging.
Binge and purge.
- Gotcha.
- Yes, yes.
Okay.
- Gotcha.
Yeah.
Can I just talk to Dr.
Virgil? Sir, either you make zero dollars or you're a doctor.
Which is it? [TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Could that [RINGING CONTINUES.]
Could that be for you? [SIGHS.]
[RINGING CONTINUES.]
[RECEIVER PICKS UP.]
Hello? The doctor will see you now.
So, you remember me? Of course.
You were the counselor at Forest Park Elementary when my dad passed away.
I remember you very well, David.
- How's your mom doing? - She's doing good.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
She's just is always kind of cheerful.
My stepdad's Oh, you have a stepdad? I do, yeah.
I have a stepdad.
- How's that been? - Uh good.
He's a benign human being.
Stepbrother is Our relationship is, uh is one of, um, two animals that aren't going to eat each other but have no interest in seeing one another.
You're not close.
We're Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh David, what can I do for you today? Oh.
Okay.
Well, I've decided I want to do what you're doing.
You want to be a clinical therapist? Yes, please.
What led you to this decision? Well, I really want to help people, you know, for money.
I mean, as a profession.
Well, you have always been a very empathetic person, David.
- You could tell that from when I was a kid? - Of course! Why, 'cause I was crying all the time? Well, your dad had died.
That's why you were crying all the time.
Well, some people go silent for a while after a You did not go silent.
No.
I did not go quietly into that soft night.
Is it Am I getting that I think Well, they say that about someone who's died.
- Oh.
- But What's the quote? "Do not go softly into that good night.
" - Good night.
Into that good night.
- Yes.
I did not go softly into that good night.
Well, you didn't die, David, so Right, yeah.
My father went softly into that good night.
- I know he did.
- I went loudly into mourning? - But you made it through.
- I did.
- And here you are.
- Here I am.
- And you want to be a therapist.
- I do, yes.
All right, well, the requirements for the state of Illinois for something like this are two years of full-time supervision, 1,920 hours of face-to-face patient sessions.
Oh, yeah.
I know that, and I'm all in.
- I already passed my CCE exams.
- Good.
All I need is a supervising therapist to sign off on my hours.
And I've already got a whole bunch of patients.
Oh.
Uh, let's slow down here.
You're already seeing patients? What clinic are you affiliated with? Are you doing this through a practice? No, I do it independently in my garage.
You're doing therapy in a garage? [WHISPERING.]
My freedom is being taken from me.
There's so many things that I want to do, and I can't do anything because of her.
[WHISPERING.]
Like what? Writing.
I want to be a writer.
Did you write a lot before? That's not the fucking point, man.
You're making me feel good.
I'm supposed to be making you feel good.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, it's a two-way street, baby.
- Oh.
- If this relationship is gonna work, - it's got to go both ways, okay? - That's very nice of you, but I-I really should focus on you and your problems.
I got so many problems, you don't even want to know about.
What's going on? How are you feeling? - For real? - Yeah.
I got time.
I guess I need to work on my confidence and everyday interactions on the bus or the workplace.
- Oh, okay.
- Dating.
The train.
Everything.
I hate this.
- This? - I hate talking about this.
- Oh.
But you're doing great.
- I hate it so much.
- I hate you so much.
- Me? Me and my brother are having trouble with each other.
I can relate.
I finally stood up for myself.
That's good.
What does that look like? Uh, I picked up a jar that was on the coffee table and I hit him in the head like six or seven times.
- A jar? - Wow.
That feels good to talk about.
No, no, no.
No.
He was breathing when I left this morning.
- This happened this morning? - Yeah.
You need to call someone to make sure he's okay.
- I can call the apartment.
- Okay, yeah.
Call the apartment.
That's a good idea.
- So you're seeing another therapist? - Yeah.
- And you're paying another therapist? - Right, but I wanted to talk to you about the stuff that I don't want to talk to her about.
If that makes sense.
Okay, the shortest summary possible.
Um I'm half-a-million dollars in debt.
- I don't - Damn! [LAUGHS.]
I'm sorry.
That is outrageous.
- I wasn't even done.
- Oh, shit.
Okay, sorry.
Keep going.
Where do you think your lack of confidence comes from? [CHUCKLING.]
I don't know.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to apologize for that.
It was stupid.
[CHUCKLES.]
- No, it wasn't stupid.
It wasn't.
- Sorry.
Sorry.
[CHUCKLES.]
You really don't have to apologize for it.
I don't know how to stop.
[CHUCKLES.]
All right, well, the second I walked in, I thought you were an idiot.
You look like a-a complete idiot, and I was like, "This is gonna be a waste of my time.
" We're kind of dressed the same.
- So, it's him? He picked up? - Yeah.
- Okay, good.
He's okay? - He's kind of mad.
- Yeah.
- I'm sure he's mad.
You hit him in the head with a jar.
[WHISPERING.]
I am never alone ever.
[WHISPERING.]
Well, you're alone when you use the restroom.
No.
I'm not.
Everywhere I go, she's there.
Do you know what it's like to be a grown man who can't shit alone? - No, I don't.
- Of course you don't.
That's what I tried to talk to my real therapist about, is, um See, now it's just gonna be like But I know you're a real therapist, but I know that you're not, actually.
But, anyway, my real therapist is really good, and so I'm really trained to, like, say what my first thought is.
I ruined a really good relationship.
I totally cock-blocked myself professionally.
I live with my parents.
We've all done that.
- I spent six months in a basement.
- Let me rephrase that.
I live with my parents, and I'm half-a-million dollars in debt.
Okay, well, that makes a lot more sense.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
You're gonna be there for a while.
[WHISPERING.]
I know this is awkward timing, but our session is over.
I have another appointment.
[WHISPERING.]
Fine.
I'll see you next week.
- No, fuck you! - No.
No.
- And there's more of that coming if you - Hang up.
No.
Just hang up.
Hang up.
- Hey, man.
- Dr.
Dave.
What's all this stuff? Uh, this is tanning oil.
This is empty bottles.
For every one of these, I can put three of these bad boys on the street.
You're cutting tanning oil? Yeah.
I'm gonna make bank, son.
Isn't that illegal? The only way I'm getting in trouble is if they can prove I'm a supermarket.
I can't deal with this.
I'm going inside.
Oh, yeah, okay.
I get it.
Dr.
Dave doesn't approve, but Dr.
Dave loves watching my cable TV.
What did you say? "Entourage," "Ballers," "True Blood" I pay for all that shit, bitch.
I don't watch any of those shows.
Okay, "Ballers," but none of the others.
I'm just saying, man.
You're giving me the high-hat while I'm the one pulling in all the dough, see? What are you, in a Bogart movie? "Yogurt movie"? What's a yogurt movie? Oh, you don't know what a yogurt movie is? Look up "yogurt movie.
" I know what a yogurt movie is.
Yeah, what's your favorite yogurt movie? [BOTTLE CLATTERS.]
RENETTA: David.
- Yeah, Mom? - I need your help.
I just can't crack this refrigerator puzzle.
This iceberg is the size of a bowling ball and it won't fit in the crisper, but I don't want it to get all gunky.
Well, just cut it in half and put one in each drawer.
Okay, Mom.
All right.
Oh, David.
I'm so glad you're home.
Well, I have a medical degree, so if there's any other problems around the house, just let me know, all right? If you can't open a jar or you need to put a thing in a smaller thing, just Whatever you have, I'm around.
Do you need to run? Can you have a sandwich, or do you have to have one of your chats? Sessions, Mom.
They're called sessions.
Okay.
The food journal is awesome.
- Yeah? - Yeah, really helpful.
- All right, Yourg! - All right.
Yes, me! Oh, that is great 'cause I spent about three hours at the library looking for a book on eating disorders that didn't have any God stuff in it.
Oh, tough to duck that guy.
Everything in moderation.
- So, you hate him? - No, I don't hate him.
I hate the sounds that come out of him.
The words? You mean what he says? No.
Like everything.
Like swallowing, chewing, breathing.
Do you hear him right now? - I-I honestly don't hear him breathing.
- [SCOFFS.]
See? It's her.
She's got sonar.
She's like a bat.
I don't know.
If you want to tell me a little bit about yourself or if you want to tell me, you know, what your favorite TV show is or your favorite band.
- I don't know.
- Oh.
Um Well, I-I like movie soundtracks.
- You do? - Yeah.
I like "Armageddon.
" I'm actually a huge Owen Wilson fan.
- Oh, yeah! Me too! - Yeah.
"We're going to space.
All right.
" [BOTH LAUGH.]
"Get off the asteroid.
All right.
" "You know what, I like the asteroid! Screw it! I'm staying on the asteroid.
All right?" "This is like deep blue hero stuff.
All right.
" [BOTH LAUGH.]
"Bruce Willis, lighten up, you know? You got a beautiful daughter.
Someone's gonna fuck her.
All right.
" [BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, yeah, and I'm saving a fortune on cranberry sauce.
- Cranberry sauce? - The foundation The loose foundation of the purge meal.
- Oh, yes.
Yes.
- Yeah.
You can't build a purge meal on a solid.
You got to You got to have something loose at the bottom so that the rocket - Yeah.
- Right.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
From now on, whenever you say something negative, I want you to put a positive spin on it.
How would you rephrase "This dumbass fucking asshole is ruining my life"? I wouldn't.
- Yeah.
- Remember when he was leading the graham cracker up from her Puts 'em in her panties.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I do that all the time.
I put graham crackers in my panties.
[CHUCKLES.]
[LAUGHING.]
I don't know why I said that.
I will write that down.
- Oh, don't - "Puts graham crackers" - No, can't stop me.
- [CHUCKLES.]
"in her panties.
" And then I'm gonna put an arrow to "Normal.
" [BOTH LAUGH.]
That's my diagnosis? Yeah.
And I got to write stuff down.
- Yeah.
- I don't want to miss a thing.
Very nice.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
- Oh.
Whoa, whoa.
Uh, David, how many people are you seeing? Well, at least 20, but I've lost track at this point.
Some people come in and then they don't come back.
Do you take notes? Yeah, I've got them right here.
Oh, uhp! I don't need to see them.
Yeah, I take notes.
I write down the time.
I've got, like, a nickname system.
You have nicknames for your patients? Yeah.
Just as a tool to remember them by, you know? Um "Night screamer.
" "Bestiality curiosity guy.
" "Cookie monster.
" "Old one-ear.
" Uh, he's actually an old guy.
He's got both ears, though.
Justin Laver.
Well, that's not a nickname.
That's his name.
Please do not use his full name.
That is in direct violation of the IPACC.
Sure.
Right.
The - Illinois - Illinois.
Psychological Association Code of Conduct.
Code of Conduct.
Yes.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
- I Yeah.
He's "Marshmallow Hands.
" - David - He's got short, stubby fingers.
- Do not describe him anymore.
You won't find him.
He's not on Google.
- I Googled him.
- You shouldn't be Googling him, David.
Well, he was my first session.
I had to make sure he wasn't a serial killer.
I understand.
Given what you just said about proper procedure, there's one other thing that might fall into a gray area for you.
I'm also seeing my best friend, Doug.
You're seeing your best friend? [TAPE RECORDER CLICKS.]
Thanks for doing this, Doug.
Crap.
Thanks again for doing this, Doug.
I might not be able to stay for a whole hour.
Doug, it's an hour.
I need to tape-record for an hour.
I've been here for two hours, though, before this.
Yeah, but we were just hanging out.
I-I told you to come over for an hour and just do this and then leave, but you came over and putzed around, picked up every freestanding object in the house.
Where do you need to go? I was gonna go to my car.
Okay, you got an hour.
[SIGHS.]
So what's been happening? Not much.
Come on, Doug.
Oh, hey.
That guy died.
What? How? I don't know.
They had a moment of silence in the store, so I couldn't ask anybody.
Anyway, I might be able to get you that job.
Wow.
That's great.
I mean, it's not great.
Poor guy.
But I got to start making money somewhere.
I mean, my school loans are practically a mortgage at this point.
Well, that's cool.
At least you have a house.
Wait.
No, you don't have a house.
No, I do not, Doug.
I do not have a house.
- I just have debt.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God.
How am I gonna do this? Are we done with the session? Doug, it's been like two minutes.
Okay, so, money is a problem.
Yeah, it's a problem.
And of the myriad of options available to you to pay down your debt, you defaulted to performing therapy on people.
Yeah.
Yes.
It is illegal for me to charge money.
Oh, good, because I have a lot of credit-card debt I have to pay off because of my cat.
Credit cards I am at the foot of a mountain of debt.
Yeah.
My cat got real sick.
She You would need 51 cats getting sick constantly worms, tumors, no insurance.
One of them would have to have a massive cat cocaine habit.
I am $586,000 in debt.
Oh, my God.
How How'd it get that high? $73,000 for 8 years.
That was medical school.
That's over half-a-million dollars.
I know that.
It's okay.
Take your time.
After I graduated medical school, I applied to six residency programs.
I only got accepted into one of them.
- That's good.
- It's not good.
I declined it.
The only reason I declined it was because an alternate residency opened up in Chicago.
- That's great.
- It's not great.
[SIGHS.]
It's a long story, but they lost funding and they withdrew their offer of the residency program.
They fucked me.
Hm.
Yikes.
Yeah.
Yikes.
How do you sleep? I sleep on my stomach like I've hit with a hammer and I fell.
But you've been very clear that what you wanted to be was a doctor.
Yeah, but this default is fine.
It's like if I wanted to be in the NBA and somebody said, "Sorry, you can only play soccer.
You're in the MLS.
" Well, great.
I'm still a professional athlete.
I still get to run around and use my body to make money.
You know, not like a whore, you know, but at least I'm still Is that a profession that occurred to you in paying down this debt? Being a whore? No.
I'm just curious where that thought came from.
Online.
It came from online.
I don't want to be a whore.
You know, I mean, if someone paid me.
If someone I was super attracted to that I had a one-night stand with was like, "By the way, that was awesome.
Here's 2 grand.
Would you want to do it again?" I'd be like, "Yeah, sure.
Okay.
" You know? But I'd have limits.
I'd be like, no choking So you did do some research.
Well, yeah, but it's not like I went to Ask.
com and said, "How to be a whore?" Did you go to Ask.
com to find out how to be a therapist? - You did.
- Yeah.
Yes.
Thank you, David, for being honest with me.
Look, I really want to do this.
I'm already part of the way there.
I'm committed.
I'm excited.
You helped me so much when I was in grade school.
Please, just help me this one more time.
All I need is for you to sign off on it.
Okay.
I really admire what you've done so far.
I-I like how prepared you are.
I like that you've done your research.
Great.
Great.
But I am not comfortable being part of this.
What? Why? It seems to me that you're doing this for the wrong reasons.
It seems to me that you view therapy as a lesser discipline, and with that attitude, I'm afraid you'll do your patients more harm than good.
No.
I can do this.
I want to do this.
This isn't about you.
This is about them.
That's the part that's missing.
David, I knew what I was getting into when I cosigned those loans.
And besides, they're just a couple of ones and zeros on a computer somewhere.
It's a lot of zeros, Mom.
- Well - Besides, if I can't do this Sweetie, it's like your father always said "If you're lost in the woods, keep going.
" No.
You You'd just get deeper in the woods then.
Not if the woods are on the edge of a wonderful city.
There's a slim very slim chance of that.
Not so slim because most forests Well, lots of them are endangered these days anyway, so they're getting smaller and smaller.
- Mom - So if you're lost in the woods, unless you just keep walking around in a circle, you're gonna find yourself someplace - if you just keep going.
- Mom Mom, I think I would just get more lost.
Well You guys having a secret little powwow without me? Rollie doesn't know.
David thinks that he's done with therapy.
- Oh, really? - Mm.
So does that mean you won't be having any more of your little meetings? Sessions, Rollie.
They're called They're called sessions.
Sorry.
If I wanted to let some stranger stick their nose in my personal business, digging around in the dirt for worms, putting on the gloves and fishing around the toilet of the mind It's not my bag.
Well, maybe it's not my bag, either, Rollie.
Maybe I'll just join up with Barry and become kingpin of the North Side tanning-oil trade.
What's that whole thing about the tanning oil? Uh, Barry.
He's selling diluted tanning oil.
- Smart.
- Yeah.
[KEYBOARD KEY CLICKS.]
BARRY: That's good.
All right.
Give him the bottles, fill it up.
Come on, guys.
Hold that.
Why'd you put it there? Put it there.
No one can reach it if it's over there.
Cap it.
You're making a mess.
Guys! She's a great therapist.
She helped me a lot when I was a kid.
She's very honest.
So, this is it.
This is our last session.
No.
No? No.
What do you mean? Do you know how many therapists I've seen in Chicago? Holy shit! I mean Sorry.
No, it's a lot! It's a ton! But you're the only one I've ever met who seems to enjoy people.
Don't get me wrong.
You definitely don't know what you're doing, but you care way more than any of those other assholes I've talked to.
So, no.
I'm not going anywhere.
You're my doctor.
And thank you.
Something's changing.
Yeah.
Of course.
In the spirit of honesty, uh is it is it weird to say I didn't think you'd be any good at this? Uh, I mean, no.
Right? Right? Right? [LAUGHS.]
Well, you are rising above your surroundings.
REBECCA: So, no.
I'm not going anywhere.
You're my doctor.
[ENGINE SPUTTERS.]
No.
No! Shit, shit, shit, shit! Damn it.
Oh-ho.
Dr.
Styptic.
Car broken? Maybe you should take it out to the garage and talk to it about its mother.
Nice.
Can you give me a ride downtown? [HORN HONKS.]
[TIRES SCREECH.]
Hey! Hey! Stop! Stop! David I need to talk to you.
It'll only take a minute.
Why don't we go inside? Let's have a seat.
Honestly, I don't even think I can sit down right now.
Okay.
Look, I get that what I'm doing might be stupid or misguided, and and you can even say that I'm bad at this or that I defaulted to it or that this entire thing is a terrible idea.
But you can't say that I don't care about my patients.
I spent $40 I don't have on an app to show a bulimic patient what happens to the body when it goes into a starvation state.
And guess what It didn't work.
So I spent another week reading about the psychological effects of bulimia so that he and I can talk through it together.
I'm making real progress with some of these people.
I've got a couple that hates each other so much, I've literally never seen them make eye contact.
But now they're talking.
They say terrible shit to each other, but they're talking.
And I'm this lady's 25th therapist, and she thinks I can help her.
[TAPE SLAMS.]
So, please, don't tell me that I don't care about these people.
It's the one thing you can't say.
David.
I don't have a cassette player.
Well, I promise that's what she says.
Have a seat.
David.
I'm going to need you to abide by certain conditions.
- You're saying yes to this? - Yes.
I am saying yes to this.
Yes.
I will abide.
I love abiding.
I-I will abide to everything.
Number one, we're going to need to get together once a week.
Yeah, I can come more.
Number two, if you believe even for an instant that one of your patients is a danger to himself or anyone else, you have to tell me immediately so we can take the appropriate steps.
We'll trade phone numbers.
You'll be the first to know.
And, finally, I'm afraid you've crossed enough ethical boundaries that I need to say this.
Under no circumstances are you to engage in any physical relations with a patient.
Yeah.
Yes.
Of course.
Yes.
- Oh.
- Oh.
It's okay.
So, these rules start now, right?
"Pursuant to the requirements set out by Illinois Statute 225 ILCS-107, I am required to inform you that I am not a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist, or a registered therapist, but that these therapy sessions are being tape-recorded to provide a record of the 1,920 supervised clinical hours needed to acquire such a license.
" So do I have your permission to tape-record this session as evidence of hours performed? Yes, sir.
Oh, you don't have to call me "sir.
" You're gonna be a doctor one day, right? Yes, that's my intention.
So you're like a half-doctor now? Uh, no.
No, there's no such thing as a half-doctor.
You're either a doctor or you're not a doctor.
Dr.
Tracy? Uh, here.
Present.
Hello, Doctor.
Um, I was going over your intake form, and the section where you put your income you wrote zero.
Oh, yeah.
Zero dollars.
- That's correct.
- Okay, so you're not a doctor.
No, I am a doctor.
Okay, well, most doctors do have some income.
Right, but, uh, I have no income.
Um, I just graduated from medical school, but I didn't get a residency.
Okay, so you're not a doctor.
No, I am a doctor.
I just can't practice medicine.
Well, I can't practice medicine, either.
So we're both not doctors.
No.
You are not a doctor.
But basically, I'm doing an internship where I administer free sessions.
Free sessions? YOURG: And it's free, though.
Yes, it's illegal for me to charge money.
That's great.
I wish you were a bakery.
That'd be great to have a bakery that could not charge.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yes.
Yeah.
I'd eat my weight in cinnamon rolls.
Okay.
I guess we can start there.
I'd like to eat my weight in cinnamon rolls.
Oh, okay.
Is food an issue? That is That's the big one.
All right.
Great.
So, um - Purging.
Binge and purge.
- Gotcha.
- Yes, yes.
Okay.
- Gotcha.
Yeah.
Can I just talk to Dr.
Virgil? Sir, either you make zero dollars or you're a doctor.
Which is it? [TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Could that [RINGING CONTINUES.]
Could that be for you? [SIGHS.]
[RINGING CONTINUES.]
[RECEIVER PICKS UP.]
Hello? The doctor will see you now.
So, you remember me? Of course.
You were the counselor at Forest Park Elementary when my dad passed away.
I remember you very well, David.
- How's your mom doing? - She's doing good.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
She's just is always kind of cheerful.
My stepdad's Oh, you have a stepdad? I do, yeah.
I have a stepdad.
- How's that been? - Uh good.
He's a benign human being.
Stepbrother is Our relationship is, uh is one of, um, two animals that aren't going to eat each other but have no interest in seeing one another.
You're not close.
We're Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh David, what can I do for you today? Oh.
Okay.
Well, I've decided I want to do what you're doing.
You want to be a clinical therapist? Yes, please.
What led you to this decision? Well, I really want to help people, you know, for money.
I mean, as a profession.
Well, you have always been a very empathetic person, David.
- You could tell that from when I was a kid? - Of course! Why, 'cause I was crying all the time? Well, your dad had died.
That's why you were crying all the time.
Well, some people go silent for a while after a You did not go silent.
No.
I did not go quietly into that soft night.
Is it Am I getting that I think Well, they say that about someone who's died.
- Oh.
- But What's the quote? "Do not go softly into that good night.
" - Good night.
Into that good night.
- Yes.
I did not go softly into that good night.
Well, you didn't die, David, so Right, yeah.
My father went softly into that good night.
- I know he did.
- I went loudly into mourning? - But you made it through.
- I did.
- And here you are.
- Here I am.
- And you want to be a therapist.
- I do, yes.
All right, well, the requirements for the state of Illinois for something like this are two years of full-time supervision, 1,920 hours of face-to-face patient sessions.
Oh, yeah.
I know that, and I'm all in.
- I already passed my CCE exams.
- Good.
All I need is a supervising therapist to sign off on my hours.
And I've already got a whole bunch of patients.
Oh.
Uh, let's slow down here.
You're already seeing patients? What clinic are you affiliated with? Are you doing this through a practice? No, I do it independently in my garage.
You're doing therapy in a garage? [WHISPERING.]
My freedom is being taken from me.
There's so many things that I want to do, and I can't do anything because of her.
[WHISPERING.]
Like what? Writing.
I want to be a writer.
Did you write a lot before? That's not the fucking point, man.
You're making me feel good.
I'm supposed to be making you feel good.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, it's a two-way street, baby.
- Oh.
- If this relationship is gonna work, - it's got to go both ways, okay? - That's very nice of you, but I-I really should focus on you and your problems.
I got so many problems, you don't even want to know about.
What's going on? How are you feeling? - For real? - Yeah.
I got time.
I guess I need to work on my confidence and everyday interactions on the bus or the workplace.
- Oh, okay.
- Dating.
The train.
Everything.
I hate this.
- This? - I hate talking about this.
- Oh.
But you're doing great.
- I hate it so much.
- I hate you so much.
- Me? Me and my brother are having trouble with each other.
I can relate.
I finally stood up for myself.
That's good.
What does that look like? Uh, I picked up a jar that was on the coffee table and I hit him in the head like six or seven times.
- A jar? - Wow.
That feels good to talk about.
No, no, no.
No.
He was breathing when I left this morning.
- This happened this morning? - Yeah.
You need to call someone to make sure he's okay.
- I can call the apartment.
- Okay, yeah.
Call the apartment.
That's a good idea.
- So you're seeing another therapist? - Yeah.
- And you're paying another therapist? - Right, but I wanted to talk to you about the stuff that I don't want to talk to her about.
If that makes sense.
Okay, the shortest summary possible.
Um I'm half-a-million dollars in debt.
- I don't - Damn! [LAUGHS.]
I'm sorry.
That is outrageous.
- I wasn't even done.
- Oh, shit.
Okay, sorry.
Keep going.
Where do you think your lack of confidence comes from? [CHUCKLING.]
I don't know.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to apologize for that.
It was stupid.
[CHUCKLES.]
- No, it wasn't stupid.
It wasn't.
- Sorry.
Sorry.
[CHUCKLES.]
You really don't have to apologize for it.
I don't know how to stop.
[CHUCKLES.]
All right, well, the second I walked in, I thought you were an idiot.
You look like a-a complete idiot, and I was like, "This is gonna be a waste of my time.
" We're kind of dressed the same.
- So, it's him? He picked up? - Yeah.
- Okay, good.
He's okay? - He's kind of mad.
- Yeah.
- I'm sure he's mad.
You hit him in the head with a jar.
[WHISPERING.]
I am never alone ever.
[WHISPERING.]
Well, you're alone when you use the restroom.
No.
I'm not.
Everywhere I go, she's there.
Do you know what it's like to be a grown man who can't shit alone? - No, I don't.
- Of course you don't.
That's what I tried to talk to my real therapist about, is, um See, now it's just gonna be like But I know you're a real therapist, but I know that you're not, actually.
But, anyway, my real therapist is really good, and so I'm really trained to, like, say what my first thought is.
I ruined a really good relationship.
I totally cock-blocked myself professionally.
I live with my parents.
We've all done that.
- I spent six months in a basement.
- Let me rephrase that.
I live with my parents, and I'm half-a-million dollars in debt.
Okay, well, that makes a lot more sense.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
You're gonna be there for a while.
[WHISPERING.]
I know this is awkward timing, but our session is over.
I have another appointment.
[WHISPERING.]
Fine.
I'll see you next week.
- No, fuck you! - No.
No.
- And there's more of that coming if you - Hang up.
No.
Just hang up.
Hang up.
- Hey, man.
- Dr.
Dave.
What's all this stuff? Uh, this is tanning oil.
This is empty bottles.
For every one of these, I can put three of these bad boys on the street.
You're cutting tanning oil? Yeah.
I'm gonna make bank, son.
Isn't that illegal? The only way I'm getting in trouble is if they can prove I'm a supermarket.
I can't deal with this.
I'm going inside.
Oh, yeah, okay.
I get it.
Dr.
Dave doesn't approve, but Dr.
Dave loves watching my cable TV.
What did you say? "Entourage," "Ballers," "True Blood" I pay for all that shit, bitch.
I don't watch any of those shows.
Okay, "Ballers," but none of the others.
I'm just saying, man.
You're giving me the high-hat while I'm the one pulling in all the dough, see? What are you, in a Bogart movie? "Yogurt movie"? What's a yogurt movie? Oh, you don't know what a yogurt movie is? Look up "yogurt movie.
" I know what a yogurt movie is.
Yeah, what's your favorite yogurt movie? [BOTTLE CLATTERS.]
RENETTA: David.
- Yeah, Mom? - I need your help.
I just can't crack this refrigerator puzzle.
This iceberg is the size of a bowling ball and it won't fit in the crisper, but I don't want it to get all gunky.
Well, just cut it in half and put one in each drawer.
Okay, Mom.
All right.
Oh, David.
I'm so glad you're home.
Well, I have a medical degree, so if there's any other problems around the house, just let me know, all right? If you can't open a jar or you need to put a thing in a smaller thing, just Whatever you have, I'm around.
Do you need to run? Can you have a sandwich, or do you have to have one of your chats? Sessions, Mom.
They're called sessions.
Okay.
The food journal is awesome.
- Yeah? - Yeah, really helpful.
- All right, Yourg! - All right.
Yes, me! Oh, that is great 'cause I spent about three hours at the library looking for a book on eating disorders that didn't have any God stuff in it.
Oh, tough to duck that guy.
Everything in moderation.
- So, you hate him? - No, I don't hate him.
I hate the sounds that come out of him.
The words? You mean what he says? No.
Like everything.
Like swallowing, chewing, breathing.
Do you hear him right now? - I-I honestly don't hear him breathing.
- [SCOFFS.]
See? It's her.
She's got sonar.
She's like a bat.
I don't know.
If you want to tell me a little bit about yourself or if you want to tell me, you know, what your favorite TV show is or your favorite band.
- I don't know.
- Oh.
Um Well, I-I like movie soundtracks.
- You do? - Yeah.
I like "Armageddon.
" I'm actually a huge Owen Wilson fan.
- Oh, yeah! Me too! - Yeah.
"We're going to space.
All right.
" [BOTH LAUGH.]
"Get off the asteroid.
All right.
" "You know what, I like the asteroid! Screw it! I'm staying on the asteroid.
All right?" "This is like deep blue hero stuff.
All right.
" [BOTH LAUGH.]
"Bruce Willis, lighten up, you know? You got a beautiful daughter.
Someone's gonna fuck her.
All right.
" [BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, yeah, and I'm saving a fortune on cranberry sauce.
- Cranberry sauce? - The foundation The loose foundation of the purge meal.
- Oh, yes.
Yes.
- Yeah.
You can't build a purge meal on a solid.
You got to You got to have something loose at the bottom so that the rocket - Yeah.
- Right.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
From now on, whenever you say something negative, I want you to put a positive spin on it.
How would you rephrase "This dumbass fucking asshole is ruining my life"? I wouldn't.
- Yeah.
- Remember when he was leading the graham cracker up from her Puts 'em in her panties.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I do that all the time.
I put graham crackers in my panties.
[CHUCKLES.]
[LAUGHING.]
I don't know why I said that.
I will write that down.
- Oh, don't - "Puts graham crackers" - No, can't stop me.
- [CHUCKLES.]
"in her panties.
" And then I'm gonna put an arrow to "Normal.
" [BOTH LAUGH.]
That's my diagnosis? Yeah.
And I got to write stuff down.
- Yeah.
- I don't want to miss a thing.
Very nice.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
- Oh.
Whoa, whoa.
Uh, David, how many people are you seeing? Well, at least 20, but I've lost track at this point.
Some people come in and then they don't come back.
Do you take notes? Yeah, I've got them right here.
Oh, uhp! I don't need to see them.
Yeah, I take notes.
I write down the time.
I've got, like, a nickname system.
You have nicknames for your patients? Yeah.
Just as a tool to remember them by, you know? Um "Night screamer.
" "Bestiality curiosity guy.
" "Cookie monster.
" "Old one-ear.
" Uh, he's actually an old guy.
He's got both ears, though.
Justin Laver.
Well, that's not a nickname.
That's his name.
Please do not use his full name.
That is in direct violation of the IPACC.
Sure.
Right.
The - Illinois - Illinois.
Psychological Association Code of Conduct.
Code of Conduct.
Yes.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
- I Yeah.
He's "Marshmallow Hands.
" - David - He's got short, stubby fingers.
- Do not describe him anymore.
You won't find him.
He's not on Google.
- I Googled him.
- You shouldn't be Googling him, David.
Well, he was my first session.
I had to make sure he wasn't a serial killer.
I understand.
Given what you just said about proper procedure, there's one other thing that might fall into a gray area for you.
I'm also seeing my best friend, Doug.
You're seeing your best friend? [TAPE RECORDER CLICKS.]
Thanks for doing this, Doug.
Crap.
Thanks again for doing this, Doug.
I might not be able to stay for a whole hour.
Doug, it's an hour.
I need to tape-record for an hour.
I've been here for two hours, though, before this.
Yeah, but we were just hanging out.
I-I told you to come over for an hour and just do this and then leave, but you came over and putzed around, picked up every freestanding object in the house.
Where do you need to go? I was gonna go to my car.
Okay, you got an hour.
[SIGHS.]
So what's been happening? Not much.
Come on, Doug.
Oh, hey.
That guy died.
What? How? I don't know.
They had a moment of silence in the store, so I couldn't ask anybody.
Anyway, I might be able to get you that job.
Wow.
That's great.
I mean, it's not great.
Poor guy.
But I got to start making money somewhere.
I mean, my school loans are practically a mortgage at this point.
Well, that's cool.
At least you have a house.
Wait.
No, you don't have a house.
No, I do not, Doug.
I do not have a house.
- I just have debt.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God.
How am I gonna do this? Are we done with the session? Doug, it's been like two minutes.
Okay, so, money is a problem.
Yeah, it's a problem.
And of the myriad of options available to you to pay down your debt, you defaulted to performing therapy on people.
Yeah.
Yes.
It is illegal for me to charge money.
Oh, good, because I have a lot of credit-card debt I have to pay off because of my cat.
Credit cards I am at the foot of a mountain of debt.
Yeah.
My cat got real sick.
She You would need 51 cats getting sick constantly worms, tumors, no insurance.
One of them would have to have a massive cat cocaine habit.
I am $586,000 in debt.
Oh, my God.
How How'd it get that high? $73,000 for 8 years.
That was medical school.
That's over half-a-million dollars.
I know that.
It's okay.
Take your time.
After I graduated medical school, I applied to six residency programs.
I only got accepted into one of them.
- That's good.
- It's not good.
I declined it.
The only reason I declined it was because an alternate residency opened up in Chicago.
- That's great.
- It's not great.
[SIGHS.]
It's a long story, but they lost funding and they withdrew their offer of the residency program.
They fucked me.
Hm.
Yikes.
Yeah.
Yikes.
How do you sleep? I sleep on my stomach like I've hit with a hammer and I fell.
But you've been very clear that what you wanted to be was a doctor.
Yeah, but this default is fine.
It's like if I wanted to be in the NBA and somebody said, "Sorry, you can only play soccer.
You're in the MLS.
" Well, great.
I'm still a professional athlete.
I still get to run around and use my body to make money.
You know, not like a whore, you know, but at least I'm still Is that a profession that occurred to you in paying down this debt? Being a whore? No.
I'm just curious where that thought came from.
Online.
It came from online.
I don't want to be a whore.
You know, I mean, if someone paid me.
If someone I was super attracted to that I had a one-night stand with was like, "By the way, that was awesome.
Here's 2 grand.
Would you want to do it again?" I'd be like, "Yeah, sure.
Okay.
" You know? But I'd have limits.
I'd be like, no choking So you did do some research.
Well, yeah, but it's not like I went to Ask.
com and said, "How to be a whore?" Did you go to Ask.
com to find out how to be a therapist? - You did.
- Yeah.
Yes.
Thank you, David, for being honest with me.
Look, I really want to do this.
I'm already part of the way there.
I'm committed.
I'm excited.
You helped me so much when I was in grade school.
Please, just help me this one more time.
All I need is for you to sign off on it.
Okay.
I really admire what you've done so far.
I-I like how prepared you are.
I like that you've done your research.
Great.
Great.
But I am not comfortable being part of this.
What? Why? It seems to me that you're doing this for the wrong reasons.
It seems to me that you view therapy as a lesser discipline, and with that attitude, I'm afraid you'll do your patients more harm than good.
No.
I can do this.
I want to do this.
This isn't about you.
This is about them.
That's the part that's missing.
David, I knew what I was getting into when I cosigned those loans.
And besides, they're just a couple of ones and zeros on a computer somewhere.
It's a lot of zeros, Mom.
- Well - Besides, if I can't do this Sweetie, it's like your father always said "If you're lost in the woods, keep going.
" No.
You You'd just get deeper in the woods then.
Not if the woods are on the edge of a wonderful city.
There's a slim very slim chance of that.
Not so slim because most forests Well, lots of them are endangered these days anyway, so they're getting smaller and smaller.
- Mom - So if you're lost in the woods, unless you just keep walking around in a circle, you're gonna find yourself someplace - if you just keep going.
- Mom Mom, I think I would just get more lost.
Well You guys having a secret little powwow without me? Rollie doesn't know.
David thinks that he's done with therapy.
- Oh, really? - Mm.
So does that mean you won't be having any more of your little meetings? Sessions, Rollie.
They're called They're called sessions.
Sorry.
If I wanted to let some stranger stick their nose in my personal business, digging around in the dirt for worms, putting on the gloves and fishing around the toilet of the mind It's not my bag.
Well, maybe it's not my bag, either, Rollie.
Maybe I'll just join up with Barry and become kingpin of the North Side tanning-oil trade.
What's that whole thing about the tanning oil? Uh, Barry.
He's selling diluted tanning oil.
- Smart.
- Yeah.
[KEYBOARD KEY CLICKS.]
BARRY: That's good.
All right.
Give him the bottles, fill it up.
Come on, guys.
Hold that.
Why'd you put it there? Put it there.
No one can reach it if it's over there.
Cap it.
You're making a mess.
Guys! She's a great therapist.
She helped me a lot when I was a kid.
She's very honest.
So, this is it.
This is our last session.
No.
No? No.
What do you mean? Do you know how many therapists I've seen in Chicago? Holy shit! I mean Sorry.
No, it's a lot! It's a ton! But you're the only one I've ever met who seems to enjoy people.
Don't get me wrong.
You definitely don't know what you're doing, but you care way more than any of those other assholes I've talked to.
So, no.
I'm not going anywhere.
You're my doctor.
And thank you.
Something's changing.
Yeah.
Of course.
In the spirit of honesty, uh is it is it weird to say I didn't think you'd be any good at this? Uh, I mean, no.
Right? Right? Right? [LAUGHS.]
Well, you are rising above your surroundings.
REBECCA: So, no.
I'm not going anywhere.
You're my doctor.
[ENGINE SPUTTERS.]
No.
No! Shit, shit, shit, shit! Damn it.
Oh-ho.
Dr.
Styptic.
Car broken? Maybe you should take it out to the garage and talk to it about its mother.
Nice.
Can you give me a ride downtown? [HORN HONKS.]
[TIRES SCREECH.]
Hey! Hey! Stop! Stop! David I need to talk to you.
It'll only take a minute.
Why don't we go inside? Let's have a seat.
Honestly, I don't even think I can sit down right now.
Okay.
Look, I get that what I'm doing might be stupid or misguided, and and you can even say that I'm bad at this or that I defaulted to it or that this entire thing is a terrible idea.
But you can't say that I don't care about my patients.
I spent $40 I don't have on an app to show a bulimic patient what happens to the body when it goes into a starvation state.
And guess what It didn't work.
So I spent another week reading about the psychological effects of bulimia so that he and I can talk through it together.
I'm making real progress with some of these people.
I've got a couple that hates each other so much, I've literally never seen them make eye contact.
But now they're talking.
They say terrible shit to each other, but they're talking.
And I'm this lady's 25th therapist, and she thinks I can help her.
[TAPE SLAMS.]
So, please, don't tell me that I don't care about these people.
It's the one thing you can't say.
David.
I don't have a cassette player.
Well, I promise that's what she says.
Have a seat.
David.
I'm going to need you to abide by certain conditions.
- You're saying yes to this? - Yes.
I am saying yes to this.
Yes.
I will abide.
I love abiding.
I-I will abide to everything.
Number one, we're going to need to get together once a week.
Yeah, I can come more.
Number two, if you believe even for an instant that one of your patients is a danger to himself or anyone else, you have to tell me immediately so we can take the appropriate steps.
We'll trade phone numbers.
You'll be the first to know.
And, finally, I'm afraid you've crossed enough ethical boundaries that I need to say this.
Under no circumstances are you to engage in any physical relations with a patient.
Yeah.
Yes.
Of course.
Yes.
- Oh.
- Oh.
It's okay.
So, these rules start now, right?