Slings and Arrows s02e02 Episode Script
Fallow Time
(church bell rings) Choir: à should old acquaintance be forgot ô à and never brought to mind ô à should old acquaintance be forgot ô à and days of auld lang syne ô (sighs) (paper rustles) (hammers on stapler repeatedly) Hi.
Got a moment? No.
Working on the play.
I heard you playing with your stapler.
That's what I do when I'm procrastinating.
Look what I found in the storage room.
Oliver's notes.
Notes on what? For the play.
For macbeth.
He was obsessed with it, you know.
So I heard.
He planned it all out in great detail.
Lighting plots, costume designs, It's all in there.
It's like he's speaking to you from the grave.
Woo-ooh! (laughs) Oh, thank you, anna.
This is A wonderful help.
You're welcome.
There's eight in total.
Where do you want 'em? à call me superstitious ô à or cowardly or weak ô à but I'll never play a character ô à whose name one dare not speak ô (crowd laughs) à I'll play hamlet in doublet and hose ô à or either of the dromeos ô à but sorry, I won't play mackers ô à I'll play richard the third in a hump and a wig ô à or henry the eighth that selfish pig ô à but sorry, I don't do mackers ô Ãâ every soul that plays this role ô Ãâ risks injury or death ô à I'd rather sweep the bloody stage ô à than ever do mac - you know who ô à so gimme king lear, ô à cleopatra, ô à romeo and juliet, it doesn't mattra ô à I'll play them all for free ô à but I'd be crackers to take on mackers ô à you see I'm skittish about the scottish tragedy ô à och aye! à (enthusiastic applause) (drums finger on desk) (sharp exhale) Veronica tennant: He's an intensely private man.
He's a deep thinker, An avid reader, And he spends most of his time thinking or reading.
Or thinking About things he's read.
Graham greene: Uh, many people find him arrogant When they first meet him, Because he's so standoffish, And he's not very good with names.
But he's not arrogant.
He's profoundly Profoundly humble.
Oliver: Yes, it's a difficult job, But every man has his burden.
Ha! Oliver: I suppose if I had to describe myself In one word, I'd say that word would be Lonely.
Geoffrey: (laughs) Anna! Anna? Anna! Please don't yell for me like that, richard.
I'm not a cocker spaniel.
All right, I'm sorry.
I just- I can't leave my desk.
I've been on hold with the ministry of culture For 15 minutes.
What's that? Nothing.
There's something you don't want me to see.
No.
Anna, you're hiding it behind your back.
I'm not an idiot.
"new burbage festival in financial crisis.
" Oh, jesus.
"sources inside canada's most prestigious Theatrical institution Report that as a result of alleged mismanagement-" Jesus christ! "the festival is facing Its worst financial crisis in years.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Okay, fine.
"sponsors have been abandoning The new burbage festival Like rats from a sinking ship.
" All right! Thank you.
Oh, god-damn basil.
What did you want? Hmm? Oh, um Could you get me a coffee? All right, all right.
Anna, come on! I-I-I had to rush out this morning.
I didn't have time.
Richard, I have so much on my plate.
Yeah, I know, I know.
And I'm on hold.
I'm held here, okay? I can't move.
And I understand your situation And I'm taking steps To relieve your work load.
What steps? I'm reviving the intern program.
No! That's more work for me, richard.
No, it's not.
They'll do the grunt work - Anything you don't want to do - And it's free! Anna: There's a reason they're free.
They're teenagers.
Ex- uh, yes, I'm holding for the minister of culture.
(whispers) coffee? Please? Oliver: I hate to look at my own work.
(laughs) Oliver: I wear out the carpet pacing back and forth Geoffrey: Oh jesus! Oliver: At the back of the theatre on opening nights.
I snap at anyone who tries to comfort me.
I know, Not the kind of behavior you'd expect From a "national treasure".
Geoffrey: There! Did you hear that? "national treasure.
" He actually uses those words.
Calls himself "a national treasure".
50 times I've watched this.
Well, thank you.
That was very enjoyable, But I have a leaky urinal to attend to.
Shouldn't you be working on the play? I am! I am working on the play! I just thought that Well, you might enjoy sharing this With me.
(interview continues) Interviewer: Why is it that particular play that obsesses you? Oliver: Why the scottish tragedy? Well, it's a play of such power that one, Quite literally, dares not speak its name.
Interviewer: And what about casting.
Who do you have in mind for macbeth? Oliver: Well, in a perfect world? Henry breedlove, of course.
Who else? Geoffrey: You know, this is unbelievable.
Anna brought all these boxes into the office today- Ellen: Uh-uh-uh-uh! Okay, no work talk, please.
We had an agreement.
I forgot.
Sorry.
We can't be all about work.
I know, I know.
I'm sorry.
You're as bad as sloan.
With him it was always motor-thingy this And motor-thingy that.
(clears throat) I'm thinking about boxes.
Can't I at least just finish What I was saying about boxes? I mean, now that I violated the rule? It's an agreement, not a rule.
This isn't boarding school.
Okay.
Eight boxes full of oliver's notes All about macbeth.
Eight boxes, They're sitting there in a little pyramid, Mocking me.
And you haven't looked in them? God, no.
I don't want to poison my mind.
I thought you were doing oliver's macbeth? No, ellen.
I'm doing my macbeth.
Oh, sorry.
So now that we've violated the agreement, Can I ask you a question about lady macbeth? Yeah, of course.
Exactly how is she weak? I mean, I know she has some weakness Because she goes mad, but For the first half of the play She is so overpowering.
"bring forth men-children only; For thy undaunted mettle Should compose nothing but males," right? So, when does she crack and why? And is it evil that has given her the strength? Is it an unnatural cruelty, Or is she just a horrible bitch? Well, you know, I mean, I'm still working uh Through the You're stuck, aren't you? Yeah.
Why don't you look in the boxes? (sighs) ellen.
Sorry.
I'm gonna to pick up a tree tomorrow.
I haven't had a tree since I was a kid.
A big tree.
A fraser fir; they're the best.
You want to come with me? Well, I can't.
I've got work to do, Obviously.
Oliver: I'm not a misanthrope, But people seem to think I am.
Geoffrey: (barked laughter) Oliver: I'm a lonely person.
That proves it.
Geoffrey: (laughs) Oliver: Misanthropes don't get lonely.
I think most creative people Devote themselves to their art At the expense of their relationships.
I don't know any happily married artists - That should tell you something.
Geoffrey? Anna: Geoffrey? Good morning.
Morning.
Anna: Look what I found.
It's the maquette, For the play.
What play? Macbeth! Oliver's macbeth! I saw it sticking out From under a box of cod pieces, And I said, "that looks like a maquette" and it was, And then I saw the label.
Isn't it exciting? Wow.
Thank you, anna.
You're making my job so easy.
You have to go in that storeroom sometime.
It's like king tut's tomb in there.
à What the hell? I saw it sticking out From under a box of cod pieces, And I thought, "that looks like a maquette" And it was.
That's amazing.
Would you take a look at this? It's uh, the proposal for the minister.
Oh.
You're asking for 2.
2 million? I have to.
That's a lot.
Well, we need a lot.
Actually, that's not enough.
God, I hope she's a reasonable person.
I like her.
She criticized her own party When she was minister of health.
That takes guts.
You know, this reads like a demand.
Well, I don't- I don't want to appear weak.
It's like you kidnapped her child.
Thank you for your feedback.
It's just Asking for a lump sum grant like that- Anna, I don't know what else to do! Okay? I'm panicking! Look at me, anna! Okay, okay.
You know what? I read about a program about a year ago- I mean, I'm freaking out! Okay, okay.
Let me look it up.
I'll be right back.
Yeah, you do that.
("o' christmas tree" plays) Santa: Ho, ho, ho! Merry christmas! Put it in your truck and take it- No, no, no.
I don't do that.
Sorry.
The truck is right there! Can you just put it in the truck? Man: Merry christmas! Um, taxi, taxi! Oh! Oh! (struggling grunts) Ack! (ornaments shatter) Richard: "the cultural initiatives fund Is an 8 million dollar program That aims to increase cultural tourism By providing arts organizations With upfront working capital Directed towards the applicant's marketing And promotional costs.
" What is this? It's a loan; A one time loan, for rebranding.
Rebranding? Reinventing, remarketing, You know? Look here: "priority is placed on projects Demonstrating maximum repayment potential.
" Meaning what? Meaning the bigger the organization, The more likely they are to repay the loan.
Ye- oh my It's perfect.
That's perfect for us.
Uh, the thing is, You were supposed to have applied Three weeks ago.
Shit, anna! Still, it's better than walking Into her office at christmas Demanding millions of dollars.
Yeah, you're right.
Okay.
I'm going to write this up.
Shit.
I only have a few hours.
(types madly on keyboard) Was there something else? Well, I won't see you before January, So uh Oh Should I open it now? You don't have to.
It's really stupid.
I'll open it now.
(rips wrapping) It's just a stupid thing.
It's an executive stress ball.
It's really stupid.
Oh! Oh.
It's like the gift of the magi.
Yeah.
Anna, I've really gotta write this up.
Sure.
Thanks.
à (indistinct party chatter) Richard smith-jones.
Minister, thank you so much for seeing me On such short notice.
I know that at christmastime- Cut the chitchat.
I've got five minutes Before we do secret santas.
What do you want? Uh, okay.
Well uh, We-we've had sort of- We at the new burbage festival Have had sort of an unusual situation Which unfortunately has resulted In a little bit of a revenue shortfall.
You screwed a board member.
I heard.
Mistakes were made, yes, But we're working to correct them And to learn from the past.
Well, that's just peachy, But the cookie jar is empty, richard.
Minister, with respect, The new burbage festival has, Over the last decade, Provided significant return To its stakeholders Both in terms of tax revenue And social capital.
And I think it might be In the interest of the government To, to protect that, that interest.
Oh, just fuck off.
I'm sorry? I'll tell that To the next cancer patient I see.
You people in the arts make me sick.
I was minister of health.
I used to do something useful.
I met with people who were dying.
People with families.
Do you have a family? No, no children.
The health care system in this country Is desperately underfunded.
But do you know what Came across my desk yesterday? A $20,000 grant application For a polish woman Who pisses in a bucket on stage! Jesus! How much do you want? 2 million, plus point 2.
2.
2 million.
Fucking unbelievable! Have you ever seen a case of grimes disease? No.
What is uh Grime's disease? It is a terminal, But preventable disease is what it is.
It just came to mind Because the 2.
2 million you are requesting Just happens to be exactly What a new m.
R.
I.
Machine costs.
Do you know what it's like To have to say no to someone Who has grimes disease? That must be very hard.
Fuck you.
No more hand-outs.
Minister, with respect, please.
We are not asking for a hand-out.
We are asking for a loan Which we will repay in full.
The money already exists.
It's in the cultural initiatives fund.
Deadline's past.
Yes, I am aware of that And uhI am hoping That in this case you will make an exception.
Why should I? Because we have a plan.
We are going to rebrand.
Oh? We're gonna uh Reinvent the entire festival.
We're gonna change our profile, Reach out to a younger audience.
And once we have that audience, The festival can walk on its own.
You'll- you'll never see me again.
ButBut we need working capital And we need it now.
(groans) All right, I'll give you the money.
Because god knows I don't want your festival Going down on my watch.
2.
2 million, one time loan, Payable 60 days after the end of the season.
Don't fuck up, richard.
Thank you, minister.
And merry- Get out of my office.
Christmas.
(sigh of relief) Ellen: I hate christmas.
Geoffrey: What happened? I had to drag the tree all the way home And it got ruined.
And I didn't have a stand.
The tree fell over And smashed all the beautiful christmas ornaments So there's glass in the rug And this christmas is ruined.
I hate it.
I just wanted a normal fucking christmas And now you can't walk on the floor Without your feet getting lacerated.
Okay, come on.
Let's go see if we can't save christmas.
("silent night" plays) Ellen: (laughs) Oh, it's so beautiful.
(laughs) Thank god you have an earring fetish.
Some of them are my mothers.
Hmm? Those two.
(both laugh) Hey, I got you those, didn't I? Yes, the sapphires.
Merry christmas, ellen.
Merry christmas, geoffrey.
Did you look in the boxes yet? Oliver is, in great part, Responsible for me being an actor at all.
That's ridiculous Because after a particularly harsh review I received for- Othello.
Yes, you see? You remember.
It was an ill conceived othello.
It was like a minstrel show.
Yes, I was very upset, And I wanted to chuck it all.
But you, you kept me on.
It was your first year.
Oliver: My first year as artistic director, yes.
Brian: You kept me on.
I wonder how many careers you've made, Or at least sustained during your reign? I have had to let a few go.
I'm sure I've made mistakes.
(loud horn honks) Oliver: Geoffrey! No! Geoffrey! No! (screaming) (loud impact) No! Murderer! Ã Ã Ã Ã Geoffrey: "the key to the tension of the piece Is to erase the comfort barrier Created by the proscenium arch.
The addition of a thrust will create the illusion That they are complicit in the intrigue, And will move the action into the audience.
" Busy? Yeah, I'm getting ready for a meeting.
I've been investigating marketing companies To handle the rebranding.
I finally got an appointment with frog hammer.
Frog who? Frog hammer.
Oh, they're "the" hot young company.
Very exclusive.
Well that's fantastic! Richard, I want a thrust.
A what? I want a thrust in the rose.
I don't know what you're saying.
I want to extend the stage into the audience.
I want to get in their faces.
How much does a thrust cost? I dunno, a $100, $200 thousand.
What? And you'd probably have to lose some seats.
Somewhere around 50.
What? Are you insane? No, no! I say no to the thrust.
No.
Richard, you were the one Who wanted me to do oliver's macbeth.
Well, it can't be done without the thrust.
And you said you would support me, Remember? You were drunk but you were sincere.
$200,000 and we lose 50 seats? More like 70.
But you're gonna love it.
Oh, anna, thanks.
For what? The boxes.
Oh! Good stuff in the boxes, eh? Yeah.
Good stuff in the boxes.
And I was stuck, actually.
But you know, I was reluctant to, well, Plunge my hands into oliver's brain, You know? Anyway, thanks.
You need help? No.
And if you touch anything I'm going to cry.
Okay, well, if you need anything Just let me know.
Oh! Uh There is one thing.
Mm-hmm.
Um, it's a dumb pr thing.
Every year the local elementary school Puts on a short version of the play We're doing at the festival.
You know, to teach the kids.
Right.
Oliver would go every year, as a gesture.
It's this Thursday, at 1:00 p.
M.
Yeah, sure.
Oh, really? Oh, thanks.
That's so great.
The teacher's so nice.
Right.
Oh, what are they doing? Romeo and juliet? No.
Macbeth.
It'll be like research.
Great! Sounds like fun.
(sighs) Male voice: Side chair.
Female voice: Side chair.
Male voice: Is he the money? Female voice: Um, his title is Let's see Who are you? Richard smith-jones, executive director.
There's an artistic director too, But- he's the money.
But he's not comfortable with that.
Side chair.
First male: Side chair! Called it.
Female: We all called it.
First male: He's eyeing the magazines.
I say he's gonna go for "testos".
Female: I say "testos" or "flare".
Second male: He'll go for "testos" or "flare", But he'll settle for "canadian geographic" Or "the economist".
First male: Why would he do that? Because he doesn't want to be caught Reading "testos" when someone comes in.
Second male: What did I say? Female: That was eerie.
First male: Very nice call.
Second male: It wasn't difficult.
Look at the tie: The colours, the pattern.
That is the tie of an insecure man, A man desperate to please, An unhappy man.
Always look at the tie.
Ellen: I don't see her.
She said she'd be here.
I've never even met her.
I've known you for, what, like a decade? Well, I'm not close to my sister.
She's from a different world.
Diane: Ellen.
Hi.
There you are.
I can't believe you came.
Well, we came to see annie perform.
Uh This is geoffrey.
Yes, I remember.
How are you? Better.
And this is ed.
Hi.
Hi.
(microphone squeals) Well, I guess they're going to start.
Oh, we'd better take a seat.
We'll talk later.
I can't believe you came.
Well, it's not that weird, is it? Yes.
It is.
That was cheeky.
Teacher: Welcome everyone To new burbage elementary's production Of william shakespeare's macbeth.
(applause) I love this - Sitting in the audience.
There's no pressure.
We should do this all more often.
Teacher: To have with us today, two very special people: The artistic director of the new burbage festival And a lead actress, Who I understand will be playing lady macbeth this year - So look out tiffany - (laughs) Geoffrey tennant and ellen fanshaw.
(applause) Thank you so much for coming.
And now, without any further ado, Please enjoy macbeth.
(dark and foreboding music) When is oliver coming? (waves rush in) Narrator: I like you.
I like the way you look at me With your sleepy eyes.
I like your honest, nervous way.
I watch your lips move, And smile in my direction.
I like you.
You're different from me.
Your cock is always hard.
Your cum tastes like sugar.
The feel of your ass makes me melt.
Your tongue in my mouth is ecstacy.
(louder) I want to fuck you.
(stuck) fuck-fuck-fuck- fuck you.
Suck you, rim you, swallo- Richard! Welcome.
Sanjay rainier.
Oh, hi.
Uh Uh It's hard to get an appointment With you guys.
I had to call you four times.
Ah, frog hammer is the most democratic of companies.
Everybody takes a turn at the front desk, Including me.
It might not be the best idea, I'm always losing calls.
Truthfully, our best clients Always manage to find us somehow.
I'm sorry, Would you like your hand back now? Give the man his hand back now, sanjay! That's my father's voice.
Please, sit.
Can I offer you something better than water? Oh, no.
That's, that's fine.
What about a nice chai? Black tea from bangalore, Cinnamon, in whipped hot milk, sound good? Sure.
(intercom beeps) Chai, please.
Boardroom two.
Two people.
You look tired.
Would you like your car washed while we meet? My- ? No, no.
That's fine.
That's all.
Thank you.
Ah, "testos".
Quite a magazine.
Do you read it? I've seen it Mm-hmm.
That is my girlfriend.
Richard: Really? Wow, she- Really? Three things: Yes, it's true, Yes, I am bragging And can you blame me? So, you've been to see the competition, Yes? Um, yeah, I had a look around.
Good for you! And our colleagues Said very cruel things about us, didn't they? Well Please, richard.
I don't mean to put you on the spot.
I know what they said.
They said terrible things And yet you still come here.
Have you no sense? You were warned off! I just want to see who's out there.
I have a confession to make.
We didn't return your calls Because we wanted you to see everyone else Before you came here.
Devious, I know, "but only if you have been in the deepest valley, Can you ever know how magnificent it is To be on the highest mountain.
" Richard nixon said that.
Hmm.
Ah! The tea's here.
Thank you so much.
Girl narrator: Once upon a time in scotland, There was a brave warrior named macbeth.
One day, after a battle, He went home through the woods with his friend banquo.
On the way they came upon three witches.
Ha ha ha! Witches: All hail thane of cawdor! Ha ha ha! Boy macbeth: Hey! I am not thane of cawdor.
Witches: All hail king of scotland soon to be.
What do you mean by that, witches? Everyone knows duncan is the king of scotland.
Boy banquo: They're telling your future, macbeth.
What about me? You will not be king, But you will be the father of kings.
Ha ha ha! (audience laughs) Girl narrator: And then the witches disappeared Into the filthy air.
All of a sudden, two noble men appeared.
Congratulations macbeth.
The king is so happy with your victory Over the king of norway, He has made you thane of cawdor.
Congratulations! The witches were right! Girl narrator: So, macbeth hurries home and tells his wife, Lady macbeth, all about what happens.
She gets very excited.
We will have to kill king duncan in his sleep.
Then you will be king, Just like the witches said.
Uh, I don't think we should do that.
Come on! Be a man! (audience laughs) Girl narrator: Suddenly a bloody dagger appeared before macbeth And And led him to the sleeping king, And there he killed him.
(clears throat) Boy macbeth: Ugh! Boy duncan: (cries out) Boy macbeth: Now I am king, just like the witches said.
But they also said that banquo would be the father of kings.
You three murderers! Go, kill banquo and his son, fleance.
(cries out) (sounds of struggle) (murderers rejoice) Girl narrator: That night macbeth throws a big banquet, But all of a sudden The ghost of banquo appears at the table.
What?! You can't be here! You're dead! Lady macbeth: I'm sorry, everybody.
My husband is upset and tired.
Please go home.
(claps hands together) Attendee: What no dessert? What is wrong with you? (audience laughs) Are you okay? I'm fine.
The problem is, Our audience is literally dying.
The average age is 55-years-old.
If we don't reach the youth market, We're finished.
And what are your plans? Tell me.
Well, um, let me read you our mission statement.
It's just a first draft.
(clears throat) "it is the purpose Of the new burbage theatre festival To stage the classics of theatre, With special emphasis On the works of william shakespeare, With high production values And an unrivaled level of artistry, And in a culturally And socially inclusive manner, To communicate canada's cultural voice Both domestically and abroad.
" (they laugh) I uh I used "cultural" twice.
That's not good.
Maybe you can help me with that.
What about this: "theatre that fucks with your head.
" Well, that would certainly solve the "cultural" problem.
I am only half kidding, richard.
Rebranding is an exercise In changing the perception of something.
It is very hard to do in this day and age, Unless you're ready for a risk.
Okay.
How would you advertise- Richard, I don't use that word.
Advertise? Yes.
That is not what we do here.
You don't do advertising? Richard, people are tired of ads In all their forms.
They don't believe anything we say And it doesn't work.
We at frog hammer ask ourselves Very simple things: Is it wonderous? Does it move you? Is it culturally authentic? We believe that people are sick of being lied to.
If you use truth, You can sell people anything.
If you want them to react, to feel, To buy, tell them the truth! The truth is the new lie.
Fuck it, you're hired.
Every man is born of a woman.
That's good.
But will I always be king? Witches: You'll be king Until the forest comes to the castle.
Ha ha ha! Boy macbeth: Well, a forest can't walk.
I have nothing to worry about.
(audience laughs) Girl narrator: But in England macduff was planning with malcolm To use his army to defeat macbeth.
And when macbeth heard about that He got very mad And had macduff's wife and children killed.
(children scream) (screams and cries fade) (murderers rejoice) Tiffany: Out, out spot! I can't wash the blood off my hands.
Oh no! My wife has gone crazy because of guilt.
(screams in madness) Boy macbeth: Now they tell me my wife is dead.
I don't understand life.
It just keeps going on and on with no purpose.
I'm so sad.
Isn't that poignant? This little boy captured the essence Of macbeth's despair with those few lines.
"I don't understand life.
It just goes on and on with no purpose.
" Of course, this little one Knows nothing about death, does he? Hmmm.
Talk about going on and on with no purpose.
That's my burden.
Well, I'm back now.
You've given me something to do.
I understand we're going to be working together.
Get out! What's wrong? I'm sorry, I- I've got to get out.
(chair falls over) Then something very strange happens.
Macbeth looks out the window of his castle, And sees trees moving towards him What did you see? Him.
Oliver.
Boy macduff: I have killed the tyrant macbeth.
Anna, I'm off to the airport To pick up henry breedlove.
How do I look? Good.
Sharp.
Good.
Table reading's at 10:00? Yes.
Hi.
Hi.
You do look good.
Hi.
Hi.
Who are you? I'm emily lu.
I'm interning here.
Oh, shit.
You're early.
Yes.
You're really early.
Yes.
It's good to be early.
No.
It's not good to be early.
I have nothing for you to do.
Oh, I'll do whatever you want.
I'm here to help.
Well, give me a sense of your work experience? Well, last summer I was a polar bear At the zoo.
I handed out flyers for the new exhibit.
And the summer before that I was tree planting But then I got appendicitis.
Just stand over there against the wall.
(eerie wind blows) Oliver.
I didn't want to come back Until you invited me.
I'm so glad you did.
I didn't invite you.
Yes, you did.
When you "plunged your hands In to my brain", as you put it.
I took that as a sign.
Well it wasn't a sign.
I took it to mean You were calling me back From the great beyond to help you.
Oh it's good to be back.
It's good to see a friendly face.
No, no, this is not a friendly face.
This is a pissed-off face, oliver.
You humiliated me again.
When? When you chose to rise from the dead In the middle of a children's play.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I should be more discreet.
But let's forget about that, Let's talk about our collaboration.
Oh, no! I am not collaborating with a corpse! Excuse me? Who poured over whose notes? Who taped together whose maquette? Who built whose thrust? Listen to me very carefully, oliver.
I am not collaborating with the spirit world On a production of macbeth.
Where are you going? To the table reading of your fucking play.
Well, I'd better come along.
No! Why? I give you credibility.
Oh god! Excuse me, hello? Emily: Guys! Thank you.
My name is anna conroy And I am the associate administrative director And I would like to welcome you all.
Today you will be going with maria Our head stage manager, Who will be assigning you some chores In the scenery shop except for Jennifer howl, diane kaplan, Sari nejanali and margaret simpson.
Any questions? Oh, um, yeah, mrs.
Conrod? It's conroy.
Ms.
Conroy.
Scott: Okay.
Ah, can margaret and I work together? We're kind of a couple.
No.
The costume fittings are for the actresses.
Deal with it, scott.
Fuck you, mom-ily.
Maria: All right, everybody, let's go.
Bring all your belongings.
Do not leave anything here.
Scenery shop people come with me.
Costume shop is down the hall to your left.
Those of you who can read, Just follow the signs.
Anna: Uh, you need an assistant stage manager, right? Maria: I need somebody good.
They've got to be able To take legible notes and stay late.
I don't want a "wilting flower" Or a wannabe actor.
I want the best one you've got.
Well, she came early.
Great.
I'll take mom-ily.
Henry: And after the intermission, Redgrave comes back with a fish, And he throws it at the woman in the third row.
He says, "now then, madam, Perhaps that will stop your barking!" (mixed laughter) Geoffrey! Henry.
Welcome to new burbage.
Oh, thank you, geoffrey.
Thank you.
It's good to be home.
Maria: Okay.
If everyone could please find the card With their character name on it and take a seat.
Henry: Ah, well what do we have? Ah, the porter, ooh.
Hecate, mmm.
And of course, macbeth.
It's like a wedding in hell.
(mixed laughter) Geoffrey: All right.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome.
Um, well (laughs) Macbeth.
Um, you know I really don't want to spend a lot of time Talking about my concept.
I think this is a play That we will discover in rehearsal.
Nice cover.
There are a couple of things, though.
This is, in many ways, A very simple play.
It is a play about evil, And the intrigue that results from Evil uh Behavior.
Um, it's also a play about witches, Isn't it? And what are they, exactly? They are of this world And yet they are other-worldly.
They are people, Um, and they are not.
They are evil.
You're rambling.
Oh, and on this theme, I think we should just take a minute To talk about the so-called "curse".
I think we should not forget That these are words on a page, And we should not let our imaginations Get the best of us.
Hear, hear! Henry: I'm not sure I entirely agree with you, geoffrey.
This play has a terrible history.
There was that new york production At the turn of the last century Which ended in a riot; In which 20 people were killed.
Frank: And harold norman was stabbed to death By his own macduff, Onstage, at Where was it? The oldham coliseum.
Frank: Yeah, that's right.
Henry: The curse is real.
I have played mackers three times, And every time I've played the damn thing Something terrible happened To someone who was involved in the production.
I mean, frankly, this This play scares the crap out of me.
Although, I guess that's part of the fun, Really, isn't it? Well, uh Henry: Isn't that what oliver said? What did he say? He said, he said it was like "a 90 minute bus tour of hell.
" (laughter) Yes, yes.
It's filled with black magic, And I think that's why oliver loved this play.
I mean, he had such faastic ideas.
He-he-he- with staging, with design It was his vision That brought me back to new burbage.
We will be basing this production On his notes, won't we geoffrey? Yes.
(coughs) Naturally.
(claps) of course.
Well, let's get started.
Let's uh Let's read it.
No acting required.
Just a clear reading- Henry: Geoffrey, if you don't mind? If I may have the floor for a moment, please? Now, as I say, I have played this part Three times, And uh, I like to begin each rehearsal By reciting the dagger speech.
I I know it's ack! It's a complete wank, I realize that, But it began as a bit of a joke With nigel at the rsc.
So now, it's become a little personal talisman Against the curse.
So, I mean, if you would all Indulge me? Would you mind? No.
Is this a dagger I see before me, The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, And yet I see thee still.
Art thou not, fatal vision, Sensible to feeling as to sight? Or art thou but a dagger of the mind, A false creation, Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain? I see thee yet, In form as palpable as this Which I now draw.
Thou marshall'st me the way that I was going; And such an instrument I was to use.
Oh, mine eyes are made the fools O' the other senses, Or else worth all the rest; I see thee still, And on thy blade and dudgeon Gouts of blood, Which was not so before.
There's no such thing: It is the bloody business Which informs thus to mine eyes.
Now, shall we get on with our own bloody business? (applause) He's gotten better with age.
Fuck you!
Got a moment? No.
Working on the play.
I heard you playing with your stapler.
That's what I do when I'm procrastinating.
Look what I found in the storage room.
Oliver's notes.
Notes on what? For the play.
For macbeth.
He was obsessed with it, you know.
So I heard.
He planned it all out in great detail.
Lighting plots, costume designs, It's all in there.
It's like he's speaking to you from the grave.
Woo-ooh! (laughs) Oh, thank you, anna.
This is A wonderful help.
You're welcome.
There's eight in total.
Where do you want 'em? à call me superstitious ô à or cowardly or weak ô à but I'll never play a character ô à whose name one dare not speak ô (crowd laughs) à I'll play hamlet in doublet and hose ô à or either of the dromeos ô à but sorry, I won't play mackers ô à I'll play richard the third in a hump and a wig ô à or henry the eighth that selfish pig ô à but sorry, I don't do mackers ô Ãâ every soul that plays this role ô Ãâ risks injury or death ô à I'd rather sweep the bloody stage ô à than ever do mac - you know who ô à so gimme king lear, ô à cleopatra, ô à romeo and juliet, it doesn't mattra ô à I'll play them all for free ô à but I'd be crackers to take on mackers ô à you see I'm skittish about the scottish tragedy ô à och aye! à (enthusiastic applause) (drums finger on desk) (sharp exhale) Veronica tennant: He's an intensely private man.
He's a deep thinker, An avid reader, And he spends most of his time thinking or reading.
Or thinking About things he's read.
Graham greene: Uh, many people find him arrogant When they first meet him, Because he's so standoffish, And he's not very good with names.
But he's not arrogant.
He's profoundly Profoundly humble.
Oliver: Yes, it's a difficult job, But every man has his burden.
Ha! Oliver: I suppose if I had to describe myself In one word, I'd say that word would be Lonely.
Geoffrey: (laughs) Anna! Anna? Anna! Please don't yell for me like that, richard.
I'm not a cocker spaniel.
All right, I'm sorry.
I just- I can't leave my desk.
I've been on hold with the ministry of culture For 15 minutes.
What's that? Nothing.
There's something you don't want me to see.
No.
Anna, you're hiding it behind your back.
I'm not an idiot.
"new burbage festival in financial crisis.
" Oh, jesus.
"sources inside canada's most prestigious Theatrical institution Report that as a result of alleged mismanagement-" Jesus christ! "the festival is facing Its worst financial crisis in years.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Okay, fine.
"sponsors have been abandoning The new burbage festival Like rats from a sinking ship.
" All right! Thank you.
Oh, god-damn basil.
What did you want? Hmm? Oh, um Could you get me a coffee? All right, all right.
Anna, come on! I-I-I had to rush out this morning.
I didn't have time.
Richard, I have so much on my plate.
Yeah, I know, I know.
And I'm on hold.
I'm held here, okay? I can't move.
And I understand your situation And I'm taking steps To relieve your work load.
What steps? I'm reviving the intern program.
No! That's more work for me, richard.
No, it's not.
They'll do the grunt work - Anything you don't want to do - And it's free! Anna: There's a reason they're free.
They're teenagers.
Ex- uh, yes, I'm holding for the minister of culture.
(whispers) coffee? Please? Oliver: I hate to look at my own work.
(laughs) Oliver: I wear out the carpet pacing back and forth Geoffrey: Oh jesus! Oliver: At the back of the theatre on opening nights.
I snap at anyone who tries to comfort me.
I know, Not the kind of behavior you'd expect From a "national treasure".
Geoffrey: There! Did you hear that? "national treasure.
" He actually uses those words.
Calls himself "a national treasure".
50 times I've watched this.
Well, thank you.
That was very enjoyable, But I have a leaky urinal to attend to.
Shouldn't you be working on the play? I am! I am working on the play! I just thought that Well, you might enjoy sharing this With me.
(interview continues) Interviewer: Why is it that particular play that obsesses you? Oliver: Why the scottish tragedy? Well, it's a play of such power that one, Quite literally, dares not speak its name.
Interviewer: And what about casting.
Who do you have in mind for macbeth? Oliver: Well, in a perfect world? Henry breedlove, of course.
Who else? Geoffrey: You know, this is unbelievable.
Anna brought all these boxes into the office today- Ellen: Uh-uh-uh-uh! Okay, no work talk, please.
We had an agreement.
I forgot.
Sorry.
We can't be all about work.
I know, I know.
I'm sorry.
You're as bad as sloan.
With him it was always motor-thingy this And motor-thingy that.
(clears throat) I'm thinking about boxes.
Can't I at least just finish What I was saying about boxes? I mean, now that I violated the rule? It's an agreement, not a rule.
This isn't boarding school.
Okay.
Eight boxes full of oliver's notes All about macbeth.
Eight boxes, They're sitting there in a little pyramid, Mocking me.
And you haven't looked in them? God, no.
I don't want to poison my mind.
I thought you were doing oliver's macbeth? No, ellen.
I'm doing my macbeth.
Oh, sorry.
So now that we've violated the agreement, Can I ask you a question about lady macbeth? Yeah, of course.
Exactly how is she weak? I mean, I know she has some weakness Because she goes mad, but For the first half of the play She is so overpowering.
"bring forth men-children only; For thy undaunted mettle Should compose nothing but males," right? So, when does she crack and why? And is it evil that has given her the strength? Is it an unnatural cruelty, Or is she just a horrible bitch? Well, you know, I mean, I'm still working uh Through the You're stuck, aren't you? Yeah.
Why don't you look in the boxes? (sighs) ellen.
Sorry.
I'm gonna to pick up a tree tomorrow.
I haven't had a tree since I was a kid.
A big tree.
A fraser fir; they're the best.
You want to come with me? Well, I can't.
I've got work to do, Obviously.
Oliver: I'm not a misanthrope, But people seem to think I am.
Geoffrey: (barked laughter) Oliver: I'm a lonely person.
That proves it.
Geoffrey: (laughs) Oliver: Misanthropes don't get lonely.
I think most creative people Devote themselves to their art At the expense of their relationships.
I don't know any happily married artists - That should tell you something.
Geoffrey? Anna: Geoffrey? Good morning.
Morning.
Anna: Look what I found.
It's the maquette, For the play.
What play? Macbeth! Oliver's macbeth! I saw it sticking out From under a box of cod pieces, And I said, "that looks like a maquette" and it was, And then I saw the label.
Isn't it exciting? Wow.
Thank you, anna.
You're making my job so easy.
You have to go in that storeroom sometime.
It's like king tut's tomb in there.
à What the hell? I saw it sticking out From under a box of cod pieces, And I thought, "that looks like a maquette" And it was.
That's amazing.
Would you take a look at this? It's uh, the proposal for the minister.
Oh.
You're asking for 2.
2 million? I have to.
That's a lot.
Well, we need a lot.
Actually, that's not enough.
God, I hope she's a reasonable person.
I like her.
She criticized her own party When she was minister of health.
That takes guts.
You know, this reads like a demand.
Well, I don't- I don't want to appear weak.
It's like you kidnapped her child.
Thank you for your feedback.
It's just Asking for a lump sum grant like that- Anna, I don't know what else to do! Okay? I'm panicking! Look at me, anna! Okay, okay.
You know what? I read about a program about a year ago- I mean, I'm freaking out! Okay, okay.
Let me look it up.
I'll be right back.
Yeah, you do that.
("o' christmas tree" plays) Santa: Ho, ho, ho! Merry christmas! Put it in your truck and take it- No, no, no.
I don't do that.
Sorry.
The truck is right there! Can you just put it in the truck? Man: Merry christmas! Um, taxi, taxi! Oh! Oh! (struggling grunts) Ack! (ornaments shatter) Richard: "the cultural initiatives fund Is an 8 million dollar program That aims to increase cultural tourism By providing arts organizations With upfront working capital Directed towards the applicant's marketing And promotional costs.
" What is this? It's a loan; A one time loan, for rebranding.
Rebranding? Reinventing, remarketing, You know? Look here: "priority is placed on projects Demonstrating maximum repayment potential.
" Meaning what? Meaning the bigger the organization, The more likely they are to repay the loan.
Ye- oh my It's perfect.
That's perfect for us.
Uh, the thing is, You were supposed to have applied Three weeks ago.
Shit, anna! Still, it's better than walking Into her office at christmas Demanding millions of dollars.
Yeah, you're right.
Okay.
I'm going to write this up.
Shit.
I only have a few hours.
(types madly on keyboard) Was there something else? Well, I won't see you before January, So uh Oh Should I open it now? You don't have to.
It's really stupid.
I'll open it now.
(rips wrapping) It's just a stupid thing.
It's an executive stress ball.
It's really stupid.
Oh! Oh.
It's like the gift of the magi.
Yeah.
Anna, I've really gotta write this up.
Sure.
Thanks.
à (indistinct party chatter) Richard smith-jones.
Minister, thank you so much for seeing me On such short notice.
I know that at christmastime- Cut the chitchat.
I've got five minutes Before we do secret santas.
What do you want? Uh, okay.
Well uh, We-we've had sort of- We at the new burbage festival Have had sort of an unusual situation Which unfortunately has resulted In a little bit of a revenue shortfall.
You screwed a board member.
I heard.
Mistakes were made, yes, But we're working to correct them And to learn from the past.
Well, that's just peachy, But the cookie jar is empty, richard.
Minister, with respect, The new burbage festival has, Over the last decade, Provided significant return To its stakeholders Both in terms of tax revenue And social capital.
And I think it might be In the interest of the government To, to protect that, that interest.
Oh, just fuck off.
I'm sorry? I'll tell that To the next cancer patient I see.
You people in the arts make me sick.
I was minister of health.
I used to do something useful.
I met with people who were dying.
People with families.
Do you have a family? No, no children.
The health care system in this country Is desperately underfunded.
But do you know what Came across my desk yesterday? A $20,000 grant application For a polish woman Who pisses in a bucket on stage! Jesus! How much do you want? 2 million, plus point 2.
2.
2 million.
Fucking unbelievable! Have you ever seen a case of grimes disease? No.
What is uh Grime's disease? It is a terminal, But preventable disease is what it is.
It just came to mind Because the 2.
2 million you are requesting Just happens to be exactly What a new m.
R.
I.
Machine costs.
Do you know what it's like To have to say no to someone Who has grimes disease? That must be very hard.
Fuck you.
No more hand-outs.
Minister, with respect, please.
We are not asking for a hand-out.
We are asking for a loan Which we will repay in full.
The money already exists.
It's in the cultural initiatives fund.
Deadline's past.
Yes, I am aware of that And uhI am hoping That in this case you will make an exception.
Why should I? Because we have a plan.
We are going to rebrand.
Oh? We're gonna uh Reinvent the entire festival.
We're gonna change our profile, Reach out to a younger audience.
And once we have that audience, The festival can walk on its own.
You'll- you'll never see me again.
ButBut we need working capital And we need it now.
(groans) All right, I'll give you the money.
Because god knows I don't want your festival Going down on my watch.
2.
2 million, one time loan, Payable 60 days after the end of the season.
Don't fuck up, richard.
Thank you, minister.
And merry- Get out of my office.
Christmas.
(sigh of relief) Ellen: I hate christmas.
Geoffrey: What happened? I had to drag the tree all the way home And it got ruined.
And I didn't have a stand.
The tree fell over And smashed all the beautiful christmas ornaments So there's glass in the rug And this christmas is ruined.
I hate it.
I just wanted a normal fucking christmas And now you can't walk on the floor Without your feet getting lacerated.
Okay, come on.
Let's go see if we can't save christmas.
("silent night" plays) Ellen: (laughs) Oh, it's so beautiful.
(laughs) Thank god you have an earring fetish.
Some of them are my mothers.
Hmm? Those two.
(both laugh) Hey, I got you those, didn't I? Yes, the sapphires.
Merry christmas, ellen.
Merry christmas, geoffrey.
Did you look in the boxes yet? Oliver is, in great part, Responsible for me being an actor at all.
That's ridiculous Because after a particularly harsh review I received for- Othello.
Yes, you see? You remember.
It was an ill conceived othello.
It was like a minstrel show.
Yes, I was very upset, And I wanted to chuck it all.
But you, you kept me on.
It was your first year.
Oliver: My first year as artistic director, yes.
Brian: You kept me on.
I wonder how many careers you've made, Or at least sustained during your reign? I have had to let a few go.
I'm sure I've made mistakes.
(loud horn honks) Oliver: Geoffrey! No! Geoffrey! No! (screaming) (loud impact) No! Murderer! Ã Ã Ã Ã Geoffrey: "the key to the tension of the piece Is to erase the comfort barrier Created by the proscenium arch.
The addition of a thrust will create the illusion That they are complicit in the intrigue, And will move the action into the audience.
" Busy? Yeah, I'm getting ready for a meeting.
I've been investigating marketing companies To handle the rebranding.
I finally got an appointment with frog hammer.
Frog who? Frog hammer.
Oh, they're "the" hot young company.
Very exclusive.
Well that's fantastic! Richard, I want a thrust.
A what? I want a thrust in the rose.
I don't know what you're saying.
I want to extend the stage into the audience.
I want to get in their faces.
How much does a thrust cost? I dunno, a $100, $200 thousand.
What? And you'd probably have to lose some seats.
Somewhere around 50.
What? Are you insane? No, no! I say no to the thrust.
No.
Richard, you were the one Who wanted me to do oliver's macbeth.
Well, it can't be done without the thrust.
And you said you would support me, Remember? You were drunk but you were sincere.
$200,000 and we lose 50 seats? More like 70.
But you're gonna love it.
Oh, anna, thanks.
For what? The boxes.
Oh! Good stuff in the boxes, eh? Yeah.
Good stuff in the boxes.
And I was stuck, actually.
But you know, I was reluctant to, well, Plunge my hands into oliver's brain, You know? Anyway, thanks.
You need help? No.
And if you touch anything I'm going to cry.
Okay, well, if you need anything Just let me know.
Oh! Uh There is one thing.
Mm-hmm.
Um, it's a dumb pr thing.
Every year the local elementary school Puts on a short version of the play We're doing at the festival.
You know, to teach the kids.
Right.
Oliver would go every year, as a gesture.
It's this Thursday, at 1:00 p.
M.
Yeah, sure.
Oh, really? Oh, thanks.
That's so great.
The teacher's so nice.
Right.
Oh, what are they doing? Romeo and juliet? No.
Macbeth.
It'll be like research.
Great! Sounds like fun.
(sighs) Male voice: Side chair.
Female voice: Side chair.
Male voice: Is he the money? Female voice: Um, his title is Let's see Who are you? Richard smith-jones, executive director.
There's an artistic director too, But- he's the money.
But he's not comfortable with that.
Side chair.
First male: Side chair! Called it.
Female: We all called it.
First male: He's eyeing the magazines.
I say he's gonna go for "testos".
Female: I say "testos" or "flare".
Second male: He'll go for "testos" or "flare", But he'll settle for "canadian geographic" Or "the economist".
First male: Why would he do that? Because he doesn't want to be caught Reading "testos" when someone comes in.
Second male: What did I say? Female: That was eerie.
First male: Very nice call.
Second male: It wasn't difficult.
Look at the tie: The colours, the pattern.
That is the tie of an insecure man, A man desperate to please, An unhappy man.
Always look at the tie.
Ellen: I don't see her.
She said she'd be here.
I've never even met her.
I've known you for, what, like a decade? Well, I'm not close to my sister.
She's from a different world.
Diane: Ellen.
Hi.
There you are.
I can't believe you came.
Well, we came to see annie perform.
Uh This is geoffrey.
Yes, I remember.
How are you? Better.
And this is ed.
Hi.
Hi.
(microphone squeals) Well, I guess they're going to start.
Oh, we'd better take a seat.
We'll talk later.
I can't believe you came.
Well, it's not that weird, is it? Yes.
It is.
That was cheeky.
Teacher: Welcome everyone To new burbage elementary's production Of william shakespeare's macbeth.
(applause) I love this - Sitting in the audience.
There's no pressure.
We should do this all more often.
Teacher: To have with us today, two very special people: The artistic director of the new burbage festival And a lead actress, Who I understand will be playing lady macbeth this year - So look out tiffany - (laughs) Geoffrey tennant and ellen fanshaw.
(applause) Thank you so much for coming.
And now, without any further ado, Please enjoy macbeth.
(dark and foreboding music) When is oliver coming? (waves rush in) Narrator: I like you.
I like the way you look at me With your sleepy eyes.
I like your honest, nervous way.
I watch your lips move, And smile in my direction.
I like you.
You're different from me.
Your cock is always hard.
Your cum tastes like sugar.
The feel of your ass makes me melt.
Your tongue in my mouth is ecstacy.
(louder) I want to fuck you.
(stuck) fuck-fuck-fuck- fuck you.
Suck you, rim you, swallo- Richard! Welcome.
Sanjay rainier.
Oh, hi.
Uh Uh It's hard to get an appointment With you guys.
I had to call you four times.
Ah, frog hammer is the most democratic of companies.
Everybody takes a turn at the front desk, Including me.
It might not be the best idea, I'm always losing calls.
Truthfully, our best clients Always manage to find us somehow.
I'm sorry, Would you like your hand back now? Give the man his hand back now, sanjay! That's my father's voice.
Please, sit.
Can I offer you something better than water? Oh, no.
That's, that's fine.
What about a nice chai? Black tea from bangalore, Cinnamon, in whipped hot milk, sound good? Sure.
(intercom beeps) Chai, please.
Boardroom two.
Two people.
You look tired.
Would you like your car washed while we meet? My- ? No, no.
That's fine.
That's all.
Thank you.
Ah, "testos".
Quite a magazine.
Do you read it? I've seen it Mm-hmm.
That is my girlfriend.
Richard: Really? Wow, she- Really? Three things: Yes, it's true, Yes, I am bragging And can you blame me? So, you've been to see the competition, Yes? Um, yeah, I had a look around.
Good for you! And our colleagues Said very cruel things about us, didn't they? Well Please, richard.
I don't mean to put you on the spot.
I know what they said.
They said terrible things And yet you still come here.
Have you no sense? You were warned off! I just want to see who's out there.
I have a confession to make.
We didn't return your calls Because we wanted you to see everyone else Before you came here.
Devious, I know, "but only if you have been in the deepest valley, Can you ever know how magnificent it is To be on the highest mountain.
" Richard nixon said that.
Hmm.
Ah! The tea's here.
Thank you so much.
Girl narrator: Once upon a time in scotland, There was a brave warrior named macbeth.
One day, after a battle, He went home through the woods with his friend banquo.
On the way they came upon three witches.
Ha ha ha! Witches: All hail thane of cawdor! Ha ha ha! Boy macbeth: Hey! I am not thane of cawdor.
Witches: All hail king of scotland soon to be.
What do you mean by that, witches? Everyone knows duncan is the king of scotland.
Boy banquo: They're telling your future, macbeth.
What about me? You will not be king, But you will be the father of kings.
Ha ha ha! (audience laughs) Girl narrator: And then the witches disappeared Into the filthy air.
All of a sudden, two noble men appeared.
Congratulations macbeth.
The king is so happy with your victory Over the king of norway, He has made you thane of cawdor.
Congratulations! The witches were right! Girl narrator: So, macbeth hurries home and tells his wife, Lady macbeth, all about what happens.
She gets very excited.
We will have to kill king duncan in his sleep.
Then you will be king, Just like the witches said.
Uh, I don't think we should do that.
Come on! Be a man! (audience laughs) Girl narrator: Suddenly a bloody dagger appeared before macbeth And And led him to the sleeping king, And there he killed him.
(clears throat) Boy macbeth: Ugh! Boy duncan: (cries out) Boy macbeth: Now I am king, just like the witches said.
But they also said that banquo would be the father of kings.
You three murderers! Go, kill banquo and his son, fleance.
(cries out) (sounds of struggle) (murderers rejoice) Girl narrator: That night macbeth throws a big banquet, But all of a sudden The ghost of banquo appears at the table.
What?! You can't be here! You're dead! Lady macbeth: I'm sorry, everybody.
My husband is upset and tired.
Please go home.
(claps hands together) Attendee: What no dessert? What is wrong with you? (audience laughs) Are you okay? I'm fine.
The problem is, Our audience is literally dying.
The average age is 55-years-old.
If we don't reach the youth market, We're finished.
And what are your plans? Tell me.
Well, um, let me read you our mission statement.
It's just a first draft.
(clears throat) "it is the purpose Of the new burbage theatre festival To stage the classics of theatre, With special emphasis On the works of william shakespeare, With high production values And an unrivaled level of artistry, And in a culturally And socially inclusive manner, To communicate canada's cultural voice Both domestically and abroad.
" (they laugh) I uh I used "cultural" twice.
That's not good.
Maybe you can help me with that.
What about this: "theatre that fucks with your head.
" Well, that would certainly solve the "cultural" problem.
I am only half kidding, richard.
Rebranding is an exercise In changing the perception of something.
It is very hard to do in this day and age, Unless you're ready for a risk.
Okay.
How would you advertise- Richard, I don't use that word.
Advertise? Yes.
That is not what we do here.
You don't do advertising? Richard, people are tired of ads In all their forms.
They don't believe anything we say And it doesn't work.
We at frog hammer ask ourselves Very simple things: Is it wonderous? Does it move you? Is it culturally authentic? We believe that people are sick of being lied to.
If you use truth, You can sell people anything.
If you want them to react, to feel, To buy, tell them the truth! The truth is the new lie.
Fuck it, you're hired.
Every man is born of a woman.
That's good.
But will I always be king? Witches: You'll be king Until the forest comes to the castle.
Ha ha ha! Boy macbeth: Well, a forest can't walk.
I have nothing to worry about.
(audience laughs) Girl narrator: But in England macduff was planning with malcolm To use his army to defeat macbeth.
And when macbeth heard about that He got very mad And had macduff's wife and children killed.
(children scream) (screams and cries fade) (murderers rejoice) Tiffany: Out, out spot! I can't wash the blood off my hands.
Oh no! My wife has gone crazy because of guilt.
(screams in madness) Boy macbeth: Now they tell me my wife is dead.
I don't understand life.
It just keeps going on and on with no purpose.
I'm so sad.
Isn't that poignant? This little boy captured the essence Of macbeth's despair with those few lines.
"I don't understand life.
It just goes on and on with no purpose.
" Of course, this little one Knows nothing about death, does he? Hmmm.
Talk about going on and on with no purpose.
That's my burden.
Well, I'm back now.
You've given me something to do.
I understand we're going to be working together.
Get out! What's wrong? I'm sorry, I- I've got to get out.
(chair falls over) Then something very strange happens.
Macbeth looks out the window of his castle, And sees trees moving towards him What did you see? Him.
Oliver.
Boy macduff: I have killed the tyrant macbeth.
Anna, I'm off to the airport To pick up henry breedlove.
How do I look? Good.
Sharp.
Good.
Table reading's at 10:00? Yes.
Hi.
Hi.
You do look good.
Hi.
Hi.
Who are you? I'm emily lu.
I'm interning here.
Oh, shit.
You're early.
Yes.
You're really early.
Yes.
It's good to be early.
No.
It's not good to be early.
I have nothing for you to do.
Oh, I'll do whatever you want.
I'm here to help.
Well, give me a sense of your work experience? Well, last summer I was a polar bear At the zoo.
I handed out flyers for the new exhibit.
And the summer before that I was tree planting But then I got appendicitis.
Just stand over there against the wall.
(eerie wind blows) Oliver.
I didn't want to come back Until you invited me.
I'm so glad you did.
I didn't invite you.
Yes, you did.
When you "plunged your hands In to my brain", as you put it.
I took that as a sign.
Well it wasn't a sign.
I took it to mean You were calling me back From the great beyond to help you.
Oh it's good to be back.
It's good to see a friendly face.
No, no, this is not a friendly face.
This is a pissed-off face, oliver.
You humiliated me again.
When? When you chose to rise from the dead In the middle of a children's play.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I should be more discreet.
But let's forget about that, Let's talk about our collaboration.
Oh, no! I am not collaborating with a corpse! Excuse me? Who poured over whose notes? Who taped together whose maquette? Who built whose thrust? Listen to me very carefully, oliver.
I am not collaborating with the spirit world On a production of macbeth.
Where are you going? To the table reading of your fucking play.
Well, I'd better come along.
No! Why? I give you credibility.
Oh god! Excuse me, hello? Emily: Guys! Thank you.
My name is anna conroy And I am the associate administrative director And I would like to welcome you all.
Today you will be going with maria Our head stage manager, Who will be assigning you some chores In the scenery shop except for Jennifer howl, diane kaplan, Sari nejanali and margaret simpson.
Any questions? Oh, um, yeah, mrs.
Conrod? It's conroy.
Ms.
Conroy.
Scott: Okay.
Ah, can margaret and I work together? We're kind of a couple.
No.
The costume fittings are for the actresses.
Deal with it, scott.
Fuck you, mom-ily.
Maria: All right, everybody, let's go.
Bring all your belongings.
Do not leave anything here.
Scenery shop people come with me.
Costume shop is down the hall to your left.
Those of you who can read, Just follow the signs.
Anna: Uh, you need an assistant stage manager, right? Maria: I need somebody good.
They've got to be able To take legible notes and stay late.
I don't want a "wilting flower" Or a wannabe actor.
I want the best one you've got.
Well, she came early.
Great.
I'll take mom-ily.
Henry: And after the intermission, Redgrave comes back with a fish, And he throws it at the woman in the third row.
He says, "now then, madam, Perhaps that will stop your barking!" (mixed laughter) Geoffrey! Henry.
Welcome to new burbage.
Oh, thank you, geoffrey.
Thank you.
It's good to be home.
Maria: Okay.
If everyone could please find the card With their character name on it and take a seat.
Henry: Ah, well what do we have? Ah, the porter, ooh.
Hecate, mmm.
And of course, macbeth.
It's like a wedding in hell.
(mixed laughter) Geoffrey: All right.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome.
Um, well (laughs) Macbeth.
Um, you know I really don't want to spend a lot of time Talking about my concept.
I think this is a play That we will discover in rehearsal.
Nice cover.
There are a couple of things, though.
This is, in many ways, A very simple play.
It is a play about evil, And the intrigue that results from Evil uh Behavior.
Um, it's also a play about witches, Isn't it? And what are they, exactly? They are of this world And yet they are other-worldly.
They are people, Um, and they are not.
They are evil.
You're rambling.
Oh, and on this theme, I think we should just take a minute To talk about the so-called "curse".
I think we should not forget That these are words on a page, And we should not let our imaginations Get the best of us.
Hear, hear! Henry: I'm not sure I entirely agree with you, geoffrey.
This play has a terrible history.
There was that new york production At the turn of the last century Which ended in a riot; In which 20 people were killed.
Frank: And harold norman was stabbed to death By his own macduff, Onstage, at Where was it? The oldham coliseum.
Frank: Yeah, that's right.
Henry: The curse is real.
I have played mackers three times, And every time I've played the damn thing Something terrible happened To someone who was involved in the production.
I mean, frankly, this This play scares the crap out of me.
Although, I guess that's part of the fun, Really, isn't it? Well, uh Henry: Isn't that what oliver said? What did he say? He said, he said it was like "a 90 minute bus tour of hell.
" (laughter) Yes, yes.
It's filled with black magic, And I think that's why oliver loved this play.
I mean, he had such faastic ideas.
He-he-he- with staging, with design It was his vision That brought me back to new burbage.
We will be basing this production On his notes, won't we geoffrey? Yes.
(coughs) Naturally.
(claps) of course.
Well, let's get started.
Let's uh Let's read it.
No acting required.
Just a clear reading- Henry: Geoffrey, if you don't mind? If I may have the floor for a moment, please? Now, as I say, I have played this part Three times, And uh, I like to begin each rehearsal By reciting the dagger speech.
I I know it's ack! It's a complete wank, I realize that, But it began as a bit of a joke With nigel at the rsc.
So now, it's become a little personal talisman Against the curse.
So, I mean, if you would all Indulge me? Would you mind? No.
Is this a dagger I see before me, The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, And yet I see thee still.
Art thou not, fatal vision, Sensible to feeling as to sight? Or art thou but a dagger of the mind, A false creation, Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain? I see thee yet, In form as palpable as this Which I now draw.
Thou marshall'st me the way that I was going; And such an instrument I was to use.
Oh, mine eyes are made the fools O' the other senses, Or else worth all the rest; I see thee still, And on thy blade and dudgeon Gouts of blood, Which was not so before.
There's no such thing: It is the bloody business Which informs thus to mine eyes.
Now, shall we get on with our own bloody business? (applause) He's gotten better with age.
Fuck you!