Slings and Arrows s02e05 Episode Script
Steeped in Blood
Auditor: So, we have your cpt-56, A number of charitable receipts, And your gst 74s, and that's good, But I still don't see those t4a's.
Miss fanshaw? You know, I haven't been this intimate with anyone in years.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Don't pity me, miss picky, Miss perfect.
You sit there at your desk thinking "why doesn't she get a real job? Why isn't she in a relationship?" I had sex with my brother-in-law.
Is that what you wanted to hear? I don't even like him.
He wears old spice.
But he called me an idiot and I can't stand criticism.
You had sex with your sister's- Look I know what you're going to say.
I've been very irresponsible up until now.
I don't plan, I just react.
I know that.
You know what I think it is? What I'm afraid of deep down? That if I start being responsible I'll stop being an artist.
Isn't that ridiculous? Ellen, we have to wrap this up.
I'm through with who I am right now.
I hate who I am right now.
I'm taking control of my life.
Good.
Well, um, we have to stop.
Stop? What do you mean stop? Well I'm sorry, But if I can't complete your audit Within the mandated time period, I'm required to impose a settlement.
So soon? But I think we're making progress here.
Yes, we are.
Do you think we could move to an hour and a half session? à call me superstitious ô à or cowardly or weak ô à but I'll never play a character ô à whose name one dare not speak ô (crowd laughs) à I'll play hamlet in doublet and hose ô à or either of the dromeos ô à but sorry, I won't play mackers ô à I'll play richard the third with a hump and a wig ô à or henry the eighth that selfish pig ô à but sorry, I don't do mackers ô à every soul that plays this role ô à risks injury or death ô à I'd rather sweep the bloody stage ô à than ever do mac - you know who ô à so gimme king lear, ô à cleopatra, ô à romeo and juliet, it doesn't mattra ô à I'll play them all for free ô à but I'd be crackers to take on mackers ô à you see I'm skittish about the scottish tragedy ô à och aye! à (enthusiastic applause) (telephone rings) Hello? Maria.
Hey.
Cancelled.
Okay.
Yeah, no problem.
Patrick? No, I, I don't know where he wa- Where he is.
I uh I wasn't at the bar last night so Okay.
Bye.
Patrick.
(sleep moan) Patrick, wake up.
Rehearsal's cancelled.
That was maria.
There's some problem with macbeth, or Did maria know I was here? No.
Oh thank god.
Oh god.
Are you sorry we did it? No.
Then what? Afraid people will laugh? I know people are gonna laugh.
Was I your first woman? Patrick: (chuckles nervously) Yeah.
I was making it up as I went along.
You've got strong improvisational skills then.
You were pretty good too, juliet.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
(laughs) (laughs) that's fantastic.
You have to tell me to shut up Or I'll just blab on about myself.
No, I love it.
You're a fantastically complicated character.
Me? Get out.
No, really.
You seem like a corporate robot Sitting behind a desk all day.
Don't take that the wrong way - No.
'cause you're not.
That's my point.
Still waters run Deep.
(laughs) Not that deep, I warn you.
(laughs) I have new scenes.
Would you mind, um No, no, no, no problem.
Okay it's just the top two And you can leave the bottom three.
Morning, anna.
Uh, any messages from sanjay? I'm sorry, what? Any messages or faxes from sanjay? Uh, no.
Uh, henry's agent's been calling, though.
Oh what does he want? To sue us, apparently.
He's pretty upset about henry being fired.
What? You didn't hear? No! Well, uh, Geoffrey and henry had a big fight And geoffrey took him out of the show And jerry's going on tonight.
Oh my god, anna! Why didn't you call me about that?! I did, but you didn't answer.
Jesus christ! You can't leave a message? Call back- Where's geoffrey now? Uh Probably still in bed.
I'd try the storage room.
The storage room, of course.
I mean, why not? The whole world's going nuts, right? Henry: Brian, I'm just going to let him stew in his own juices For a little while.
I mean, this is obviously some rather dubious attempt To assert his crippled little manhood.
No, I'm at home.
Hey listen, why don't we get together For a beer later on? All right.
I'll see you then.
(banging on door) (door handle jiggles) Geoffrey: I'm sleeping! (banging on door) Oliver: Please! Geoffrey, for god's sake we have to talk about this! You can't shut me out.
Geoffrey: You quit remember? You washed your hands of the show.
So why don't you just crawl back into your grave? Richard: What? Crawl back into my grave? Oh I'm sorry.
Look, if this is about henry, What's done is done, And it's better this way.
Jerry knows all the lines.
He'll be fine.
Geoffrey, The only reason that we're selling any tickets at all Is because of henry breedlove.
He's defying my direction.
He's in another play entirely, And he's infected the whole cast.
Now I know you're worried about your job- Geoffrey, I'm worried about the future of the entire festival.
Now what is the point of putting on a play If no one comes to see it?! Which would you prefer? An empty house with a great play, Or a full house with a piece of garbage? Garbage! Garbage! I want garbage! Jerry: Alana, I explained all this.
I can't pick up the kids after rehearsal, I need the time to learn my lines.
Jean: Forget about the buttonhole, maryann, There's no time! We'll just stitch him into it And tell him that he can't pee Till after curtain call.
Please, just Could you for once in your life Yes, it's a big deal.
It's macbeth, for crying out loud! Maryann: Ow! Oh what is it? Oh for god's sake you silly twit! Maria: Jerry? I need to go over your tops and bottoms Before the fight rehearsal.
I'll be right there.
I have to go.
I love you.
Hello? Hey, jerry, how you doing? Oh terrific, geoffrey.
My wife hates me, but that's nothing new.
Okay, good.
Okay the moment right after the murder You come downstairs, I think he doesn't know quite what to do with his hands.
Geoffrey.
Too much? Yeah.
Geoffrey: You're right.
Look All you really have to do is connect.
Connect.
I really need you to hold still for this.
Sorry.
Connect.
With the other actors.
And don't worry about anything else.
You're going to be living moment to moment.
That's exactly how macbeth is living.
So just ride with it.
Geoffrey I think there's something you should know.
What? These past few months My wife and I are separating.
We're in couples counselling.
He's siding with her It's messy.
Anyway I wasn't really expecting to go on.
Nobody does.
I know the soliloquies cold.
Right It's the stuff in between I'm not really sure of.
You mean the parts where you have to talk To other people on the stage? Yeah.
Oh.
Jean: Boots! Let's hope they fit! Be still! (clank of swords) Jerry: Shit! Sorry.
Sorry.
Okay, uh, let's lose that cape, cloak thing And uh, do it again.
Geoffrey.
You're late.
Stop this.
This is a pissing match, geoffrey.
Ellen- You're threatened by henry And you're making the rest of us suffer for it! I have tried every possible way to get through to henry, But I'm at the end of my rope.
There are other actors in this play.
That's my point exactly.
Like me, for instance.
This is a fucking hard part.
You know, ellen, I would really love to continue this tete a tete, But I've got a million things to do before tonight.
God you're sound exactly like oliver.
(clang of swords) John: It's going to be okay.
Listen jerry- Don't worry.
I'll be there for you.
Hey man, no sweat.
I can cope with whatever you give me up there.
Okay.
Just keep the blade away from my eyes, okay? Sure, yeah.
Darren: I don't see why My production has to suffer Because geoffrey tennant has another bout of lunacy.
Anna: I'm sorry.
The understudy has to be put in And with the crossover casting we're stuck.
Your rehearsal is cancelled.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry? How familiar.
Lionel: Hello darren.
Lionel.
Lionel: Anna.
Oh, I have your pages.
(annoyed sigh) I had a chance to proof read the script And I noticed there's a new character.
She's sort of like me, isn't she? Which one? Annette.
Why do you say that? Well, she's from winkler.
Her grandfather was a hutterite.
And she has an accident with a dairy machine.
I told you that story.
Did you? I forgotten that.
I-I guess it just got under my skin.
I can take it out if it bothers you.
Annette just came to me.
She's innocent and brave And extremely sexy In this improbable way.
Yes, she is like you.
Do you mind me Using it? No, I guess you can use it.
Richard: But henry was our draw! And the numbers are already way down Because of that fucking campaign! Sanjay: Richard don't do that.
Don't go negative, richard.
My team heard that.
They're working very hard for you! Richard: I'm sorry, I know.
But we are in previews, sanjay, To half empty houses! Half full houses richard! Richard: Don't say that! Sanjay: Look, richard, The numbers are down because your new audience Is on a different buying cycle.
What audience?! Your former subscribers were older, They planned ahead, They knew where they were going to take Their vacation next year.
They took their pills on time.
Your new audience is younger, They're impulsive, they plan poorly, Their buying cycle runs very fast.
But when they come, they will come in hoards.
Trust me.
Hoards? It'll be a youth quake, richard.
Is your clarinet there? It's here.
Sanjay: Play something.
Feel.
Let your love of music be a balm For your troubled soul.
And while you do that I will do my job.
All right.
Sanjay: Bye, richard.
(licks reed) Richard! Their are a couple of police officers here.
They want to talk to you.
Well, well send them in.
Are you in trouble? No anna I'm not in trouble.
Send them in.
Gentlemen, can I help you? Sorry to interrupt you but uh Do you know this man? That's sanjay rainier.
I'm sorry.
What name did you say he's using now? (murmur of crowd) Maria: Five minutes, jerry.
Break a leg.
Geoffrey: So emily is going to be stage right Just in case you dry.
All you have to do is connect.
Right.
And well, keep up the pace.
Pace.
Right.
And, you know, be macbeth.
Right.
You're going to be great.
Now is there anything I can get you? Do you want water? Puke bucket? Fisherman's friend? I'll be fine.
If only I didn't have to pee every five minutes.
Maria: Ladies and gentleman, Welcome to tonight's preview performance of macbeth.
I have one announcement to make.
The role of macbeth, Usually played by henry breedlove, Will be played by jerry appleby.
(crowd boos loudly) Ah pfft.
They're going to love you.
Everybody loves an underdog.
(struggling) excuse me.
(loud barf) (passionate kissing) Rip my shirt off.
What? Yes, rip it off.
I can't.
Why? It'll get wrecked.
That's the point.
Just rip it! (one button clatters) Oh shoot.
Where did it go? Forget about it.
Anna: Oh I think it rolled under the bed.
Forget about the damn button.
Um, I have a- I have a needle and thread In the bedside cab- Oh.
I'll need the serger.
(gasps) Maria: Places please.
Places for the top of the show.
Maryann: Have fun Jean: I'll see you in the wings stage left.
Man: Break a leg.
House to half.
House lights out.
And go witches.
(deep inhale) Witches: Thrice to thine, and thrice to mine, And thrice again to make up nine.
Peace! The charm's wound up.
(whispers) what's my line? Now! Maria: (whispers) so foul and fair.
So foul and fair.
So foul and fair.
(whispers) so foul So foul and fair a day I have not seen.
What are these, So wither'd and wild in their attire, That look not like inhabitants of the earth And yet are on it.
Don't bother gloating.
I've just come to watch the carnage.
Maria: Shit! Shit! (flips pages madly) He's jumped three pages.
Sound cue 17 go.
8:47.
Act one scene five.
Enter lady macbeth.
The stripping scene.
Brian: I still think it's a very interesting idea.
Oh come on, it's a terrible idea, brian! It's unplayable.
Did you ever try it? Why waste everyone's time on an idea That I know is worthless? Where are you going? Brian: I'm off to see the naked macbeth.
Are you coming? Are you mad? I want nothing to do with it.
Brian: Henry, you are a good actor But you're in danger of becoming a hack.
Mired in technique And afraid to try anything new.
Look the only thing I'm afraid of Is looking like an idiot.
Exactly my point.
Come.
If it fails That validates your position, doesn't it? Or are you afraid it might be good? King: We love him highly And shall continue our graces towards him.
By your leave, hostess.
(crowd applauds) Don't let him cut anymore I've got a quick change! Where is he? Other side.
Is this a dagger which I see before me? No! No! Too soon.
If it were done when 'tis done Then 'twere well it was done quickly.
Good lad.
He's hanging on, isn't he? By the skin of his teeth.
That but blow might be the be-all and the end-all here.
Ellen: Was the hope drunk wherein you dressed yourself? Hath it slept since? And wakes it now, to look so green and pale At what it did so freely? From this time Such I account thy love.
Art thou afeard to be the same in thine own act and valour As thou art in desire? Wouldst thou have that Which thou esteem'st the ornament of life, And live a coward in thine own esteem, Letting "I dare not" wait upon "I would", Like a poor cat in the adage? Pry'thee peace! I dare do all that may become a man; Who dares do more, is none.
(slaps) What beast was it that made you Break this enterprise to me? The scene doesn't work, Not unless you believe that macbeth Is a consummate soldier.
He wouldn't be afraid.
I have given suck, And know how tender 'tis To love the babe that milks me.
She's struggling with him.
It's, it's embarrassing and pathetic.
Alana: Will you shut up? That's my husband up there! Ellen: Have pluck'd my nipple from his boneless gums, And dash'd his brains out, Had I so sworn as you have done to this.
If we should fail? We fail! But screw your courage to the sticking place And we'll not fail.
That's the play.
Anna: Oh lionel.
(moans of pleasure) Lionel: Tell me about dusty again.
Anna: Again? Lionel: Yes.
Anna: Um well, he um He was with the rodeo.
That's why they called him dusty.
Lionel: Was he big? Anna: Big? Lionel: You know, was he a big cowboy? Anna: Uh yes, he was a big cowboy.
He was.
.
I can't believe I'm telling you this.
He was um He was like a bull, you know? Lionel: Oh god that's hot.
I'm going to turn on the lights.
Anna: No! Why? Lionel: Because I want to see you.
I want to see you naked, spread eagle on the bed.
Anna: Oh, please.
No.
You don't want to see me like that.
Lionel: Oh yes, I do.
You're beautiful.
Anna: Uh no I'm not.
Lionel: Yes you are.
Anna: No I'm not.
Lionel: Yes you are.
Anna: Okay, fine, I'm beautiful, But you're not turning on the light.
Lionel: You're hurting my hand.
Why won't you let me see you? Anna: Oh please, this is going so well.
Lionel: But just a flash.
Just give me something to work with.
Anna: Okay, just a flash.
(crash) (glass shatters) Careful there's broken glass everywhere.
Lionel: Did any get in the bed? Anna: I don't know.
I'll turn on the light.
Jerry: What's next? Emily: Upstage left.
"you know your own degrees, sit down.
" Jerry: What? Emily: The banquet scene.
Jerry: Oh, god.
Right.
Emily: Left! Jerry: What? Emily: Left.
Ellen: Why do you make such faces? When all is done you look but on a stool.
Prithee see there! Behold! Look! Lo! How say you? Why, what care I? If thou canst nod, speak too! If charnel-houses and our graves must send those That we bury back I suppose it does work on some level.
Thank you.
I still don't like it.
Yeah it's a collaboration.
It's give and take.
This particular bit of staging Is important to me.
What kind of a ghost does it make me If I can't stage the ghost properly? (thunder booms) Jerry: Turn hell-hound! Turn! Emily: (whispers) by the balcony! Behind the balcony! (thunder booms) Jerry: Of all men else I have avoided thee.
But get thee back, My soul is too much charged with blood of thine already! John: I have no words.
My voice is in my sword.
Thou bloodier villain than terms can give thee out! (clank of swords) (clank of swords) (grunts) (clang) Oh god, Tell me when it's over.
(pants) What's next? Just go.
Go! (desperate cry) (clang of swords) (shouts) (fierce grunt) (swords clang) Jerry: (shouts) (crashes to ground) (thunder booms) (maniacal shout) You did it, man.
(gasps) (satisfied sigh) (crowd applauds wildly) (clapping) Frank: Well done, lad.
(relieved sigh) (knock at door) Alana.
You were amazing! (crying) I was so proud.
I'm sorry.
(sobbing) I'm sorry.
Geoffrey: Jerry, that was great work! Unbelievable energy.
We knocked 15 minutes off the show! That might have been all the lines I dropped.
(laughter) Ellen: Did you hear that applause? Yeah the audience got their money's worth.
Thanks.
Okay we'll do a little bit of work Before the next performance, See if we can't patch some of that text back in.
I'm going on again? Of course.
(gasps and cries) Cyril: Champagne! Stay? Sure.
The kids can watch a video.
Frank: I haven't had so much fun since teddy mcallum Took over as falstaff in 1972.
Poor old eric had a heart attack In the middle of the show And teddy was so skinny We had to take the cushions out of the sofa In the green room And stuff 'em up his doublet.
What happened to eric? Frank: Oh he died.
Cyril: Well, anyway, Here's to you.
To jerry! All: To jerry! Well? He was terrible.
Miscast maybe, But you can't deny he was effective.
Oh come on, brian, You're not buying into that bullshit.
I mean of course, If you put a man onstage unprepared He's going to create some sort of energy; You feel his fear.
If I were you I'd find geoffrey tonight.
And say what? Say "please let me play macbeth" I will not humiliate myself.
Henry, there's only one reason To be an actor in the theatre.
One.
And it is the hope that one day You'll be in a production like this.
To play that part, With this company of actors, Under a director who cares about the play As much as geoffrey obviously does.
I'll set up the meeting.
And I'll be there to hold your hand.
And don't insult me by not attending.
Yeah but this is the way it always was oliver.
You'd lay it out, I'd bring my ideas And then we'd have a big fight! Like our first r and j.
The queen mab speech.
I could have killed you.
I could have killed you.
You would not stay where I put you.
It was a two page speech.
I was upstaging mercutio for two pages! I was giving you focus.
And how old is this argument? Twenty years.
Well, happy anniversary.
Geoffrey: (laughs hysterically) Ah- ellen.
Hi.
A note.
Oh geoffrey, that's enough.
Bring him back.
Who? Henry.
I saw the play, ellen.
For the first time in eight weeks I saw what we can do with this play.
Yes, you made your point.
Henry is a problem.
But he's the right man for the part.
Okay- Just listen to me, okay? I know what I'm saying.
Jerry had a great night.
But he's never going to be macbeth.
And next time he's on that stage He's going to realize that And it will kill him.
We became a company tonight.
That's what you wanted, right? So bring henry back And we'll do the rest to make it work.
(sighs) I don't think I can do that.
Why? Pride? Partly.
Would you do it for me? You mean for you, you? Or you mean for you, the actress you? For the actress and For whatever else I might mean to you.
(deep sigh) All right, I'll call him in the morning.
You will? Yeah.
I didn't think that would work.
Well, it did.
Even if he makes you beg, which he will.
Yes I will beg him if I have to, yes.
Well, thank you.
Well, good night.
Good night.
You will call him in the morning? Yes, for the love of god! Sorry.
You know you should really clean yourself up.
You're starting to look inhuman.
She's right.
I know.
No, I mean about your hygiene.
It's like living with a baboon.
Well, it is.
Woman: Morning miss fanshaw.
Auditor: Ellen.
You're early.
Ellen: I'm on time.
Oh yes.
That's what I meant.
I've got the forms.
Ah, wonderful.
They were in the utility drawer.
(chuckles) So you see? I can be responsible.
You seem in good spirits.
I am.
It's the new me.
I'm acting like an adult now, you know? I'm taking charge of my life.
I dealt with geoffrey yesterday.
You would have been proud of me.
Good.
Glad to hear that.
I have your assessment.
Oh my god.
I'm sorry, ellen.
It's just how the numbers came out.
You're sorry? No I was getting somewhere.
I was making progress.
You said this process was about understanding myself.
It's about punishment, that's what it's about.
$27,867.
53? My god! It's so specific! It's not personal.
Will you stop saying that? I'm an actor.
Everything's personal! I know.
No, you don't.
You don't know.
You've never seen me onstage So you don't know what it is I do.
You can't possibly understand what it means to me.
Actually I have.
What? Seen you onstage.
Many times.
It's the highlight of our summer, To come to the festival and see you.
My favorite was that lady in the winters tale.
What was her name? Paulina.
Yes, paulina.
That moment in the courtroom when she turns on the king And tell him that his wife is dead.
Um "what studied torments, tyrant hast for me? Both: What wheels? Racks? Fires? Ellen alone: What flaying? Boiling? In leads or oils? What old or newer torture must I receive, Whose every word deserves to taste of thy most worst?" Yes! Yes! Oh it, it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up Just thinking about it.
(happy sigh) Why didn't you tell me that you'd seen me? I didn't want to complicate our relationship.
I don't even know your name.
(laughs) amanishakhete.
Well, I guess I have to pay for this somehow.
Should I bring you the cheque? Oh no, no.
You- You can just mail it in.
So, this is it then.
Yeah.
(starts sobbing) I'm sorry.
Don't be.
I've seen much worse.
Much, much worse.
You can pay in installments.
Sarah: Lips that they must use in prayer.
Patrick: O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do.
They pray, Grant thou lest faith turn to despair.
Saints do not move, Darren: (disgusted sigh) Sarah: Though grant for prayers' sake.
Patrick: Then move not, While my prayer's effect I take.
Stop! What are you doing? Sarah: Well, we're trying to do the play.
Darren: Please don't try to "do the play".
Don't kiss each other! Don't touch each other.
Only do what I tell you to do.
Sarah: All that you've told us to do is to stare straight ahead And say the lines.
And why aren't you doing that? Because it doesn't give us anything to play! Exactly! I don't want you to play anything! Why can't you understand this?! Romeo and juliet are not real people, Or characters, they are signifiers.
They are not signifiers.
Yes they are! They are two young people who are desperately in love! Stop speaking! Don't speak anymore! I don't want to hear anything Come out of that mouth Unless it is a line from the play Spoken flatly and without emotion.
I hate this.
And I hate you.
Let's move on.
Act 2, scene 3.
(knocking at door) Geoffrey: Come on in.
Hi.
Geoffrey: Hey, how are you feeling? Good, good.
I'm still buzzing.
I spent some time this morning going over the lines, So you don't have to worry.
You mean you're putting the 14 minutes back on the play? (chuckles) most of 'em.
Oh no, no.
Alana must have been proud of you.
Yeah.
I think it saved my marriage.
We were all proud.
I'm not going on again, am I? I'm going to ask henry back.
If he says "no", you are, but- He won't say no.
He'd be crazy to say no.
You were great, jerry.
You were really, really great.
But I'm not your macbeth.
You were last night.
Well, I should go.
I have to get ready for lionel's reading.
Sure.
Okay.
Um, thanks again, geoffrey.
It was the greatest experience of my life.
Richard: You lied to me.
Sanjay: I never lied to you.
Richard: You lied to me over and over and over.
Sanjay : I never lied to you.
Richard: No you're lying right now.
You're lying right now.
I never told you a single lie.
Oh shut up! Shut up! You killed off the festival.
We're ruined.
That is the language of defeat.
Yes it's the language of defeat 'cause we're defeated, you fuckin' ruiner! Richard, let's not talk About business right now.
It's obviously upsetting you.
Take a breath.
Come on.
(breathes deeply) Just one.
(breathes deeply) (angry breath) Richard, let me tell you a secret: I am having a fantastic life! Look at the dreams I've lived.
I wanted to be a paramedic, So one day I climbed into an ambulance And I became one.
I've been a freighter captain, A clown and a lawyer, All in one week! How did I do these things? I'll tell you.
It's all a trick.
All you have to do is believe in your dreams And they'll come true.
Sanjay.
You're in jail.
Yes, yes, I am in jail.
That's old news already.
Move on.
Richard, your secret dream Is to be a great musical theatre performer.
Shut up! Just believe that you are one and you'll be one.
That's what I would do.
Again, sanjay, You're in jail.
Richard, you can't get arrested For doing musical theatre.
Come on, sing for me.
Just once.
I never got a chance to hear you.
Just once for me and it'll relax you Then we can talk about the campaign.
Sanjay.
You are a pathetic, manipulative liar.
You know what? You're a fuckin' liar! You're a fuckin' liar! Give me that! And I hope you rot in here.
Richard, I am so, so sorry, But I'm going to have to resign the account.
(incredulous gasp) (maniacal yell) (clicks on light) (applause) Emily: Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to the new burbage studio theatre For the first in a series of staged readings, Showcasing new works by canadian playwrights.
Today's play, "three brothers", Is written by lionel train.
(applause) (exasperated sigh) Brian: Ah geoffrey, sorry to keep you waiting.
No, it's all right.
I'm I'm just happy you came at all.
Well don't be too happy.
I'm here under duress.
Okay.
I'd like you to come back.
Would you? Yes, I would.
The understudy not working out, huh? Jerry did a fine job.
Brian: We saw the show.
Geoffrey: Did you? Yes I saw a man stuttering and sweating His way through macbeth.
Now if that was your desired effect Well I'd say you succeeded admirably.
Yes.
Anyway.
Please come back.
Oh it's please now, is it? What do you want me to say, henry? I want you to say that you are sorry For what you did, For not treating me With the respect I deserve.
I want you to say that you made a mistake Because your are inexperienced And that you will learn from what you did And it will not happen again.
I'm sorry.
And (clears throat) I am inexperienced and I, I acted rashly And I did not give you the respect that you deserve.
And it won't happen again.
Fine.
I'll come back.
(excited squeal) I just want you to know one thing: I will be playing this character my way, hmm? The way it should be done, The way I have done it Three times before successfully.
And I suggest that you watch and learn, geoffrey, 'cause I will show you who he really is.
(satisfied exhale) Bet you enjoyed that.
Geoffrey, your vision of the play works.
I saw that last night.
Do not let him ruin it.
What are you saying? I'm saying the play's the thing.
It's bigger than any one actor.
You know that.
I know you do.
You must stage the play the way you see it.
Easier said than done.
Yes, it is.
See you opening night.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I'm sorry.
It's been a dry season.
(audience laughs) Jerry: How long? Two years.
Two and a half, actually, Since dusty left.
Dusty? What kind of name is that? He was with the rodeo.
Like a bull he was.
(audience laughs) I'm going to turn on the lights.
Ellen: Why? Jerry: I want to see you naked, Spread eagle on the bed.
Ellen: Oh, god.
No.
Jerry: Please? You're so beautiful.
Ellen: No, I'm not.
You are.
You're beautiful and talented.
I thank god for you.
I thank god for you.
(audience laughs) (door opens) (water runs) Are you okay? Yes, just allergies.
What did you think of the reading? Um, I couldn't stay.
I didn't see the ending.
I'm sorry.
Oh well, you didn't miss much.
Annette moves to winnipeg and gets a job as a secretary.
I know, terrible.
What a year.
One thing after another.
Oliver died, I break up with geoffrey, Sex with my brother-in-law.
And now I'm playing "annette from winkler".
God.
Can I ask you a personal question? Okay.
Do you think I'm miserable because of who I am Or what I do? Be honest.
Uh- Sometimes I think if I were a secretary, I would be happy.
I mean you're a secretary and you're happy.
I'm not a secretary.
I'm the associate administrative director.
Oh yes, of course you are.
What I mean is that your work and your personal Are separated, and that's why you're happy.
Your life is simple.
I envy you.
By the way, How's your secret romance going? (teary) it's uh Complicated.
Allergies.
(nervous laugh) I'm sorry.
Oh god, I'm so insensitive.
All I can say is Stand up for who you are.
Don't be like annette from winkler, okay? Anna: (annoyed sigh) Hey.
(slap) You stole from me! You stole my secrets! You spat them on to the stage! No, no, no, no, no.
That was my life.
I was writing about my life And you just happen to be part of my life right now.
But you used my words! Because you said them to me.
When you said them to me they became my words.
That's the way language works.
What are you saying, That a writer just copies conversations he has in life And makes actors repeat them?! Well You're over simplifying, but basically, yes.
(indignant gasp) Okay, look, anna, If it upsets you that much, I'll shelve the play.
Really? Of course.
Our relationship is important to me.
And god knows the play doesn't work anyway.
The second act's weak.
Annette's not a grounded character.
No offense.
No, it's okay.
I'm not.
I'll put it away.
Okay? Thank you.
(kiss) (exhales) It probably doesn't mean anything now, But a guy stopped me in the lobby On the way just now.
A producer.
He wanted to talk to you about an off-broadway run.
Well Would you excuse me? Maria: You want to give the actors some notes.
Geoffrey: Yes.
Maria: But you don't want ellen or henry to know about it.
Geoffrey: That's right.
I need to talk to the actors for five minutes, Just five minutes before the show Without henry, without ellen.
Oh.
For god's sakes, maria.
For once in your life, forget you're a stage manager! I can't.
Five minutes! What can it hurt? Oh, all right.
But if equity finds out- I'll tell them it was a safety thing.
(rings doorbell) (door opens) Richard! Evelyn, I'm, I'm I'm so sorry.
I didn't know you were having a party.
Yes.
It's a costume party.
(chuckles) You look wonderful.
I need to talk to him.
It's an emergency.
Do you mind waiting here? No, not at all.
(grunts and grimaces) Shit! (crash) Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I'm so sorry to disturb you at home But something terrible has happened.
What is it? Who are you supposed to be? I'm cardinal richelieu.
What is it? I just came from a meeting with our account executive From frog hammer.
Look, this isn't good.
The meeting was in jail.
(stifles sobs) What is going on, richard? Sanjay's been arrested.
He's a fraud.
His real name is morris taylor.
What? He's a dentist! He's a dentist from halifax! He got bored and decided to re-invent himself.
He's had all these identities.
I mean, it's incredible, But he's not a whiz kid.
There's no such thing as "cycle timing"! He just made it up! He made up the whole campaign as he was going along! And now we've lost half our subscriber base And the all the re-branding money is gone! (laughs) jesus christ.
What do you want me to do about it? I want you to help me.
I want you to tell me me what should I do? Well I tell you, richard, The richest people in the city Are in my living room right now.
I could do some kind of emergency whip around And get you some money.
My god, you'll do that? No.
No? No fuckin' way.
'cause I don't want to.
Because that would be throwing good money after bad.
I'm begging you.
It's over, richard.
You blew it.
You had your shot And now the festival is going down And you made the call.
Accept it and be a man.
All right.
I accept responsibility.
I do.
If you'll help us Just to get us through to the end of the season I will resign.
Resign? (chuckles) Do you have any idea How many dreary fucking board meetings I had to sit through just to watch you fuck it up? No.
You don't get to resign.
Because I am going to wait until next week When you tally up all of your disastrous fuckin' numbers And then I'm going to exercise my privilege And fire your sorry ass publicly! Your head is coming off my friend, And I am going to be the one wielding the axe.
Got it? (door slams shut)
Miss fanshaw? You know, I haven't been this intimate with anyone in years.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Don't pity me, miss picky, Miss perfect.
You sit there at your desk thinking "why doesn't she get a real job? Why isn't she in a relationship?" I had sex with my brother-in-law.
Is that what you wanted to hear? I don't even like him.
He wears old spice.
But he called me an idiot and I can't stand criticism.
You had sex with your sister's- Look I know what you're going to say.
I've been very irresponsible up until now.
I don't plan, I just react.
I know that.
You know what I think it is? What I'm afraid of deep down? That if I start being responsible I'll stop being an artist.
Isn't that ridiculous? Ellen, we have to wrap this up.
I'm through with who I am right now.
I hate who I am right now.
I'm taking control of my life.
Good.
Well, um, we have to stop.
Stop? What do you mean stop? Well I'm sorry, But if I can't complete your audit Within the mandated time period, I'm required to impose a settlement.
So soon? But I think we're making progress here.
Yes, we are.
Do you think we could move to an hour and a half session? à call me superstitious ô à or cowardly or weak ô à but I'll never play a character ô à whose name one dare not speak ô (crowd laughs) à I'll play hamlet in doublet and hose ô à or either of the dromeos ô à but sorry, I won't play mackers ô à I'll play richard the third with a hump and a wig ô à or henry the eighth that selfish pig ô à but sorry, I don't do mackers ô à every soul that plays this role ô à risks injury or death ô à I'd rather sweep the bloody stage ô à than ever do mac - you know who ô à so gimme king lear, ô à cleopatra, ô à romeo and juliet, it doesn't mattra ô à I'll play them all for free ô à but I'd be crackers to take on mackers ô à you see I'm skittish about the scottish tragedy ô à och aye! à (enthusiastic applause) (telephone rings) Hello? Maria.
Hey.
Cancelled.
Okay.
Yeah, no problem.
Patrick? No, I, I don't know where he wa- Where he is.
I uh I wasn't at the bar last night so Okay.
Bye.
Patrick.
(sleep moan) Patrick, wake up.
Rehearsal's cancelled.
That was maria.
There's some problem with macbeth, or Did maria know I was here? No.
Oh thank god.
Oh god.
Are you sorry we did it? No.
Then what? Afraid people will laugh? I know people are gonna laugh.
Was I your first woman? Patrick: (chuckles nervously) Yeah.
I was making it up as I went along.
You've got strong improvisational skills then.
You were pretty good too, juliet.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
(laughs) (laughs) that's fantastic.
You have to tell me to shut up Or I'll just blab on about myself.
No, I love it.
You're a fantastically complicated character.
Me? Get out.
No, really.
You seem like a corporate robot Sitting behind a desk all day.
Don't take that the wrong way - No.
'cause you're not.
That's my point.
Still waters run Deep.
(laughs) Not that deep, I warn you.
(laughs) I have new scenes.
Would you mind, um No, no, no, no problem.
Okay it's just the top two And you can leave the bottom three.
Morning, anna.
Uh, any messages from sanjay? I'm sorry, what? Any messages or faxes from sanjay? Uh, no.
Uh, henry's agent's been calling, though.
Oh what does he want? To sue us, apparently.
He's pretty upset about henry being fired.
What? You didn't hear? No! Well, uh, Geoffrey and henry had a big fight And geoffrey took him out of the show And jerry's going on tonight.
Oh my god, anna! Why didn't you call me about that?! I did, but you didn't answer.
Jesus christ! You can't leave a message? Call back- Where's geoffrey now? Uh Probably still in bed.
I'd try the storage room.
The storage room, of course.
I mean, why not? The whole world's going nuts, right? Henry: Brian, I'm just going to let him stew in his own juices For a little while.
I mean, this is obviously some rather dubious attempt To assert his crippled little manhood.
No, I'm at home.
Hey listen, why don't we get together For a beer later on? All right.
I'll see you then.
(banging on door) (door handle jiggles) Geoffrey: I'm sleeping! (banging on door) Oliver: Please! Geoffrey, for god's sake we have to talk about this! You can't shut me out.
Geoffrey: You quit remember? You washed your hands of the show.
So why don't you just crawl back into your grave? Richard: What? Crawl back into my grave? Oh I'm sorry.
Look, if this is about henry, What's done is done, And it's better this way.
Jerry knows all the lines.
He'll be fine.
Geoffrey, The only reason that we're selling any tickets at all Is because of henry breedlove.
He's defying my direction.
He's in another play entirely, And he's infected the whole cast.
Now I know you're worried about your job- Geoffrey, I'm worried about the future of the entire festival.
Now what is the point of putting on a play If no one comes to see it?! Which would you prefer? An empty house with a great play, Or a full house with a piece of garbage? Garbage! Garbage! I want garbage! Jerry: Alana, I explained all this.
I can't pick up the kids after rehearsal, I need the time to learn my lines.
Jean: Forget about the buttonhole, maryann, There's no time! We'll just stitch him into it And tell him that he can't pee Till after curtain call.
Please, just Could you for once in your life Yes, it's a big deal.
It's macbeth, for crying out loud! Maryann: Ow! Oh what is it? Oh for god's sake you silly twit! Maria: Jerry? I need to go over your tops and bottoms Before the fight rehearsal.
I'll be right there.
I have to go.
I love you.
Hello? Hey, jerry, how you doing? Oh terrific, geoffrey.
My wife hates me, but that's nothing new.
Okay, good.
Okay the moment right after the murder You come downstairs, I think he doesn't know quite what to do with his hands.
Geoffrey.
Too much? Yeah.
Geoffrey: You're right.
Look All you really have to do is connect.
Connect.
I really need you to hold still for this.
Sorry.
Connect.
With the other actors.
And don't worry about anything else.
You're going to be living moment to moment.
That's exactly how macbeth is living.
So just ride with it.
Geoffrey I think there's something you should know.
What? These past few months My wife and I are separating.
We're in couples counselling.
He's siding with her It's messy.
Anyway I wasn't really expecting to go on.
Nobody does.
I know the soliloquies cold.
Right It's the stuff in between I'm not really sure of.
You mean the parts where you have to talk To other people on the stage? Yeah.
Oh.
Jean: Boots! Let's hope they fit! Be still! (clank of swords) Jerry: Shit! Sorry.
Sorry.
Okay, uh, let's lose that cape, cloak thing And uh, do it again.
Geoffrey.
You're late.
Stop this.
This is a pissing match, geoffrey.
Ellen- You're threatened by henry And you're making the rest of us suffer for it! I have tried every possible way to get through to henry, But I'm at the end of my rope.
There are other actors in this play.
That's my point exactly.
Like me, for instance.
This is a fucking hard part.
You know, ellen, I would really love to continue this tete a tete, But I've got a million things to do before tonight.
God you're sound exactly like oliver.
(clang of swords) John: It's going to be okay.
Listen jerry- Don't worry.
I'll be there for you.
Hey man, no sweat.
I can cope with whatever you give me up there.
Okay.
Just keep the blade away from my eyes, okay? Sure, yeah.
Darren: I don't see why My production has to suffer Because geoffrey tennant has another bout of lunacy.
Anna: I'm sorry.
The understudy has to be put in And with the crossover casting we're stuck.
Your rehearsal is cancelled.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry? How familiar.
Lionel: Hello darren.
Lionel.
Lionel: Anna.
Oh, I have your pages.
(annoyed sigh) I had a chance to proof read the script And I noticed there's a new character.
She's sort of like me, isn't she? Which one? Annette.
Why do you say that? Well, she's from winkler.
Her grandfather was a hutterite.
And she has an accident with a dairy machine.
I told you that story.
Did you? I forgotten that.
I-I guess it just got under my skin.
I can take it out if it bothers you.
Annette just came to me.
She's innocent and brave And extremely sexy In this improbable way.
Yes, she is like you.
Do you mind me Using it? No, I guess you can use it.
Richard: But henry was our draw! And the numbers are already way down Because of that fucking campaign! Sanjay: Richard don't do that.
Don't go negative, richard.
My team heard that.
They're working very hard for you! Richard: I'm sorry, I know.
But we are in previews, sanjay, To half empty houses! Half full houses richard! Richard: Don't say that! Sanjay: Look, richard, The numbers are down because your new audience Is on a different buying cycle.
What audience?! Your former subscribers were older, They planned ahead, They knew where they were going to take Their vacation next year.
They took their pills on time.
Your new audience is younger, They're impulsive, they plan poorly, Their buying cycle runs very fast.
But when they come, they will come in hoards.
Trust me.
Hoards? It'll be a youth quake, richard.
Is your clarinet there? It's here.
Sanjay: Play something.
Feel.
Let your love of music be a balm For your troubled soul.
And while you do that I will do my job.
All right.
Sanjay: Bye, richard.
(licks reed) Richard! Their are a couple of police officers here.
They want to talk to you.
Well, well send them in.
Are you in trouble? No anna I'm not in trouble.
Send them in.
Gentlemen, can I help you? Sorry to interrupt you but uh Do you know this man? That's sanjay rainier.
I'm sorry.
What name did you say he's using now? (murmur of crowd) Maria: Five minutes, jerry.
Break a leg.
Geoffrey: So emily is going to be stage right Just in case you dry.
All you have to do is connect.
Right.
And well, keep up the pace.
Pace.
Right.
And, you know, be macbeth.
Right.
You're going to be great.
Now is there anything I can get you? Do you want water? Puke bucket? Fisherman's friend? I'll be fine.
If only I didn't have to pee every five minutes.
Maria: Ladies and gentleman, Welcome to tonight's preview performance of macbeth.
I have one announcement to make.
The role of macbeth, Usually played by henry breedlove, Will be played by jerry appleby.
(crowd boos loudly) Ah pfft.
They're going to love you.
Everybody loves an underdog.
(struggling) excuse me.
(loud barf) (passionate kissing) Rip my shirt off.
What? Yes, rip it off.
I can't.
Why? It'll get wrecked.
That's the point.
Just rip it! (one button clatters) Oh shoot.
Where did it go? Forget about it.
Anna: Oh I think it rolled under the bed.
Forget about the damn button.
Um, I have a- I have a needle and thread In the bedside cab- Oh.
I'll need the serger.
(gasps) Maria: Places please.
Places for the top of the show.
Maryann: Have fun Jean: I'll see you in the wings stage left.
Man: Break a leg.
House to half.
House lights out.
And go witches.
(deep inhale) Witches: Thrice to thine, and thrice to mine, And thrice again to make up nine.
Peace! The charm's wound up.
(whispers) what's my line? Now! Maria: (whispers) so foul and fair.
So foul and fair.
So foul and fair.
(whispers) so foul So foul and fair a day I have not seen.
What are these, So wither'd and wild in their attire, That look not like inhabitants of the earth And yet are on it.
Don't bother gloating.
I've just come to watch the carnage.
Maria: Shit! Shit! (flips pages madly) He's jumped three pages.
Sound cue 17 go.
8:47.
Act one scene five.
Enter lady macbeth.
The stripping scene.
Brian: I still think it's a very interesting idea.
Oh come on, it's a terrible idea, brian! It's unplayable.
Did you ever try it? Why waste everyone's time on an idea That I know is worthless? Where are you going? Brian: I'm off to see the naked macbeth.
Are you coming? Are you mad? I want nothing to do with it.
Brian: Henry, you are a good actor But you're in danger of becoming a hack.
Mired in technique And afraid to try anything new.
Look the only thing I'm afraid of Is looking like an idiot.
Exactly my point.
Come.
If it fails That validates your position, doesn't it? Or are you afraid it might be good? King: We love him highly And shall continue our graces towards him.
By your leave, hostess.
(crowd applauds) Don't let him cut anymore I've got a quick change! Where is he? Other side.
Is this a dagger which I see before me? No! No! Too soon.
If it were done when 'tis done Then 'twere well it was done quickly.
Good lad.
He's hanging on, isn't he? By the skin of his teeth.
That but blow might be the be-all and the end-all here.
Ellen: Was the hope drunk wherein you dressed yourself? Hath it slept since? And wakes it now, to look so green and pale At what it did so freely? From this time Such I account thy love.
Art thou afeard to be the same in thine own act and valour As thou art in desire? Wouldst thou have that Which thou esteem'st the ornament of life, And live a coward in thine own esteem, Letting "I dare not" wait upon "I would", Like a poor cat in the adage? Pry'thee peace! I dare do all that may become a man; Who dares do more, is none.
(slaps) What beast was it that made you Break this enterprise to me? The scene doesn't work, Not unless you believe that macbeth Is a consummate soldier.
He wouldn't be afraid.
I have given suck, And know how tender 'tis To love the babe that milks me.
She's struggling with him.
It's, it's embarrassing and pathetic.
Alana: Will you shut up? That's my husband up there! Ellen: Have pluck'd my nipple from his boneless gums, And dash'd his brains out, Had I so sworn as you have done to this.
If we should fail? We fail! But screw your courage to the sticking place And we'll not fail.
That's the play.
Anna: Oh lionel.
(moans of pleasure) Lionel: Tell me about dusty again.
Anna: Again? Lionel: Yes.
Anna: Um well, he um He was with the rodeo.
That's why they called him dusty.
Lionel: Was he big? Anna: Big? Lionel: You know, was he a big cowboy? Anna: Uh yes, he was a big cowboy.
He was.
.
I can't believe I'm telling you this.
He was um He was like a bull, you know? Lionel: Oh god that's hot.
I'm going to turn on the lights.
Anna: No! Why? Lionel: Because I want to see you.
I want to see you naked, spread eagle on the bed.
Anna: Oh, please.
No.
You don't want to see me like that.
Lionel: Oh yes, I do.
You're beautiful.
Anna: Uh no I'm not.
Lionel: Yes you are.
Anna: No I'm not.
Lionel: Yes you are.
Anna: Okay, fine, I'm beautiful, But you're not turning on the light.
Lionel: You're hurting my hand.
Why won't you let me see you? Anna: Oh please, this is going so well.
Lionel: But just a flash.
Just give me something to work with.
Anna: Okay, just a flash.
(crash) (glass shatters) Careful there's broken glass everywhere.
Lionel: Did any get in the bed? Anna: I don't know.
I'll turn on the light.
Jerry: What's next? Emily: Upstage left.
"you know your own degrees, sit down.
" Jerry: What? Emily: The banquet scene.
Jerry: Oh, god.
Right.
Emily: Left! Jerry: What? Emily: Left.
Ellen: Why do you make such faces? When all is done you look but on a stool.
Prithee see there! Behold! Look! Lo! How say you? Why, what care I? If thou canst nod, speak too! If charnel-houses and our graves must send those That we bury back I suppose it does work on some level.
Thank you.
I still don't like it.
Yeah it's a collaboration.
It's give and take.
This particular bit of staging Is important to me.
What kind of a ghost does it make me If I can't stage the ghost properly? (thunder booms) Jerry: Turn hell-hound! Turn! Emily: (whispers) by the balcony! Behind the balcony! (thunder booms) Jerry: Of all men else I have avoided thee.
But get thee back, My soul is too much charged with blood of thine already! John: I have no words.
My voice is in my sword.
Thou bloodier villain than terms can give thee out! (clank of swords) (clank of swords) (grunts) (clang) Oh god, Tell me when it's over.
(pants) What's next? Just go.
Go! (desperate cry) (clang of swords) (shouts) (fierce grunt) (swords clang) Jerry: (shouts) (crashes to ground) (thunder booms) (maniacal shout) You did it, man.
(gasps) (satisfied sigh) (crowd applauds wildly) (clapping) Frank: Well done, lad.
(relieved sigh) (knock at door) Alana.
You were amazing! (crying) I was so proud.
I'm sorry.
(sobbing) I'm sorry.
Geoffrey: Jerry, that was great work! Unbelievable energy.
We knocked 15 minutes off the show! That might have been all the lines I dropped.
(laughter) Ellen: Did you hear that applause? Yeah the audience got their money's worth.
Thanks.
Okay we'll do a little bit of work Before the next performance, See if we can't patch some of that text back in.
I'm going on again? Of course.
(gasps and cries) Cyril: Champagne! Stay? Sure.
The kids can watch a video.
Frank: I haven't had so much fun since teddy mcallum Took over as falstaff in 1972.
Poor old eric had a heart attack In the middle of the show And teddy was so skinny We had to take the cushions out of the sofa In the green room And stuff 'em up his doublet.
What happened to eric? Frank: Oh he died.
Cyril: Well, anyway, Here's to you.
To jerry! All: To jerry! Well? He was terrible.
Miscast maybe, But you can't deny he was effective.
Oh come on, brian, You're not buying into that bullshit.
I mean of course, If you put a man onstage unprepared He's going to create some sort of energy; You feel his fear.
If I were you I'd find geoffrey tonight.
And say what? Say "please let me play macbeth" I will not humiliate myself.
Henry, there's only one reason To be an actor in the theatre.
One.
And it is the hope that one day You'll be in a production like this.
To play that part, With this company of actors, Under a director who cares about the play As much as geoffrey obviously does.
I'll set up the meeting.
And I'll be there to hold your hand.
And don't insult me by not attending.
Yeah but this is the way it always was oliver.
You'd lay it out, I'd bring my ideas And then we'd have a big fight! Like our first r and j.
The queen mab speech.
I could have killed you.
I could have killed you.
You would not stay where I put you.
It was a two page speech.
I was upstaging mercutio for two pages! I was giving you focus.
And how old is this argument? Twenty years.
Well, happy anniversary.
Geoffrey: (laughs hysterically) Ah- ellen.
Hi.
A note.
Oh geoffrey, that's enough.
Bring him back.
Who? Henry.
I saw the play, ellen.
For the first time in eight weeks I saw what we can do with this play.
Yes, you made your point.
Henry is a problem.
But he's the right man for the part.
Okay- Just listen to me, okay? I know what I'm saying.
Jerry had a great night.
But he's never going to be macbeth.
And next time he's on that stage He's going to realize that And it will kill him.
We became a company tonight.
That's what you wanted, right? So bring henry back And we'll do the rest to make it work.
(sighs) I don't think I can do that.
Why? Pride? Partly.
Would you do it for me? You mean for you, you? Or you mean for you, the actress you? For the actress and For whatever else I might mean to you.
(deep sigh) All right, I'll call him in the morning.
You will? Yeah.
I didn't think that would work.
Well, it did.
Even if he makes you beg, which he will.
Yes I will beg him if I have to, yes.
Well, thank you.
Well, good night.
Good night.
You will call him in the morning? Yes, for the love of god! Sorry.
You know you should really clean yourself up.
You're starting to look inhuman.
She's right.
I know.
No, I mean about your hygiene.
It's like living with a baboon.
Well, it is.
Woman: Morning miss fanshaw.
Auditor: Ellen.
You're early.
Ellen: I'm on time.
Oh yes.
That's what I meant.
I've got the forms.
Ah, wonderful.
They were in the utility drawer.
(chuckles) So you see? I can be responsible.
You seem in good spirits.
I am.
It's the new me.
I'm acting like an adult now, you know? I'm taking charge of my life.
I dealt with geoffrey yesterday.
You would have been proud of me.
Good.
Glad to hear that.
I have your assessment.
Oh my god.
I'm sorry, ellen.
It's just how the numbers came out.
You're sorry? No I was getting somewhere.
I was making progress.
You said this process was about understanding myself.
It's about punishment, that's what it's about.
$27,867.
53? My god! It's so specific! It's not personal.
Will you stop saying that? I'm an actor.
Everything's personal! I know.
No, you don't.
You don't know.
You've never seen me onstage So you don't know what it is I do.
You can't possibly understand what it means to me.
Actually I have.
What? Seen you onstage.
Many times.
It's the highlight of our summer, To come to the festival and see you.
My favorite was that lady in the winters tale.
What was her name? Paulina.
Yes, paulina.
That moment in the courtroom when she turns on the king And tell him that his wife is dead.
Um "what studied torments, tyrant hast for me? Both: What wheels? Racks? Fires? Ellen alone: What flaying? Boiling? In leads or oils? What old or newer torture must I receive, Whose every word deserves to taste of thy most worst?" Yes! Yes! Oh it, it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up Just thinking about it.
(happy sigh) Why didn't you tell me that you'd seen me? I didn't want to complicate our relationship.
I don't even know your name.
(laughs) amanishakhete.
Well, I guess I have to pay for this somehow.
Should I bring you the cheque? Oh no, no.
You- You can just mail it in.
So, this is it then.
Yeah.
(starts sobbing) I'm sorry.
Don't be.
I've seen much worse.
Much, much worse.
You can pay in installments.
Sarah: Lips that they must use in prayer.
Patrick: O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do.
They pray, Grant thou lest faith turn to despair.
Saints do not move, Darren: (disgusted sigh) Sarah: Though grant for prayers' sake.
Patrick: Then move not, While my prayer's effect I take.
Stop! What are you doing? Sarah: Well, we're trying to do the play.
Darren: Please don't try to "do the play".
Don't kiss each other! Don't touch each other.
Only do what I tell you to do.
Sarah: All that you've told us to do is to stare straight ahead And say the lines.
And why aren't you doing that? Because it doesn't give us anything to play! Exactly! I don't want you to play anything! Why can't you understand this?! Romeo and juliet are not real people, Or characters, they are signifiers.
They are not signifiers.
Yes they are! They are two young people who are desperately in love! Stop speaking! Don't speak anymore! I don't want to hear anything Come out of that mouth Unless it is a line from the play Spoken flatly and without emotion.
I hate this.
And I hate you.
Let's move on.
Act 2, scene 3.
(knocking at door) Geoffrey: Come on in.
Hi.
Geoffrey: Hey, how are you feeling? Good, good.
I'm still buzzing.
I spent some time this morning going over the lines, So you don't have to worry.
You mean you're putting the 14 minutes back on the play? (chuckles) most of 'em.
Oh no, no.
Alana must have been proud of you.
Yeah.
I think it saved my marriage.
We were all proud.
I'm not going on again, am I? I'm going to ask henry back.
If he says "no", you are, but- He won't say no.
He'd be crazy to say no.
You were great, jerry.
You were really, really great.
But I'm not your macbeth.
You were last night.
Well, I should go.
I have to get ready for lionel's reading.
Sure.
Okay.
Um, thanks again, geoffrey.
It was the greatest experience of my life.
Richard: You lied to me.
Sanjay: I never lied to you.
Richard: You lied to me over and over and over.
Sanjay : I never lied to you.
Richard: No you're lying right now.
You're lying right now.
I never told you a single lie.
Oh shut up! Shut up! You killed off the festival.
We're ruined.
That is the language of defeat.
Yes it's the language of defeat 'cause we're defeated, you fuckin' ruiner! Richard, let's not talk About business right now.
It's obviously upsetting you.
Take a breath.
Come on.
(breathes deeply) Just one.
(breathes deeply) (angry breath) Richard, let me tell you a secret: I am having a fantastic life! Look at the dreams I've lived.
I wanted to be a paramedic, So one day I climbed into an ambulance And I became one.
I've been a freighter captain, A clown and a lawyer, All in one week! How did I do these things? I'll tell you.
It's all a trick.
All you have to do is believe in your dreams And they'll come true.
Sanjay.
You're in jail.
Yes, yes, I am in jail.
That's old news already.
Move on.
Richard, your secret dream Is to be a great musical theatre performer.
Shut up! Just believe that you are one and you'll be one.
That's what I would do.
Again, sanjay, You're in jail.
Richard, you can't get arrested For doing musical theatre.
Come on, sing for me.
Just once.
I never got a chance to hear you.
Just once for me and it'll relax you Then we can talk about the campaign.
Sanjay.
You are a pathetic, manipulative liar.
You know what? You're a fuckin' liar! You're a fuckin' liar! Give me that! And I hope you rot in here.
Richard, I am so, so sorry, But I'm going to have to resign the account.
(incredulous gasp) (maniacal yell) (clicks on light) (applause) Emily: Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to the new burbage studio theatre For the first in a series of staged readings, Showcasing new works by canadian playwrights.
Today's play, "three brothers", Is written by lionel train.
(applause) (exasperated sigh) Brian: Ah geoffrey, sorry to keep you waiting.
No, it's all right.
I'm I'm just happy you came at all.
Well don't be too happy.
I'm here under duress.
Okay.
I'd like you to come back.
Would you? Yes, I would.
The understudy not working out, huh? Jerry did a fine job.
Brian: We saw the show.
Geoffrey: Did you? Yes I saw a man stuttering and sweating His way through macbeth.
Now if that was your desired effect Well I'd say you succeeded admirably.
Yes.
Anyway.
Please come back.
Oh it's please now, is it? What do you want me to say, henry? I want you to say that you are sorry For what you did, For not treating me With the respect I deserve.
I want you to say that you made a mistake Because your are inexperienced And that you will learn from what you did And it will not happen again.
I'm sorry.
And (clears throat) I am inexperienced and I, I acted rashly And I did not give you the respect that you deserve.
And it won't happen again.
Fine.
I'll come back.
(excited squeal) I just want you to know one thing: I will be playing this character my way, hmm? The way it should be done, The way I have done it Three times before successfully.
And I suggest that you watch and learn, geoffrey, 'cause I will show you who he really is.
(satisfied exhale) Bet you enjoyed that.
Geoffrey, your vision of the play works.
I saw that last night.
Do not let him ruin it.
What are you saying? I'm saying the play's the thing.
It's bigger than any one actor.
You know that.
I know you do.
You must stage the play the way you see it.
Easier said than done.
Yes, it is.
See you opening night.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I'm sorry.
It's been a dry season.
(audience laughs) Jerry: How long? Two years.
Two and a half, actually, Since dusty left.
Dusty? What kind of name is that? He was with the rodeo.
Like a bull he was.
(audience laughs) I'm going to turn on the lights.
Ellen: Why? Jerry: I want to see you naked, Spread eagle on the bed.
Ellen: Oh, god.
No.
Jerry: Please? You're so beautiful.
Ellen: No, I'm not.
You are.
You're beautiful and talented.
I thank god for you.
I thank god for you.
(audience laughs) (door opens) (water runs) Are you okay? Yes, just allergies.
What did you think of the reading? Um, I couldn't stay.
I didn't see the ending.
I'm sorry.
Oh well, you didn't miss much.
Annette moves to winnipeg and gets a job as a secretary.
I know, terrible.
What a year.
One thing after another.
Oliver died, I break up with geoffrey, Sex with my brother-in-law.
And now I'm playing "annette from winkler".
God.
Can I ask you a personal question? Okay.
Do you think I'm miserable because of who I am Or what I do? Be honest.
Uh- Sometimes I think if I were a secretary, I would be happy.
I mean you're a secretary and you're happy.
I'm not a secretary.
I'm the associate administrative director.
Oh yes, of course you are.
What I mean is that your work and your personal Are separated, and that's why you're happy.
Your life is simple.
I envy you.
By the way, How's your secret romance going? (teary) it's uh Complicated.
Allergies.
(nervous laugh) I'm sorry.
Oh god, I'm so insensitive.
All I can say is Stand up for who you are.
Don't be like annette from winkler, okay? Anna: (annoyed sigh) Hey.
(slap) You stole from me! You stole my secrets! You spat them on to the stage! No, no, no, no, no.
That was my life.
I was writing about my life And you just happen to be part of my life right now.
But you used my words! Because you said them to me.
When you said them to me they became my words.
That's the way language works.
What are you saying, That a writer just copies conversations he has in life And makes actors repeat them?! Well You're over simplifying, but basically, yes.
(indignant gasp) Okay, look, anna, If it upsets you that much, I'll shelve the play.
Really? Of course.
Our relationship is important to me.
And god knows the play doesn't work anyway.
The second act's weak.
Annette's not a grounded character.
No offense.
No, it's okay.
I'm not.
I'll put it away.
Okay? Thank you.
(kiss) (exhales) It probably doesn't mean anything now, But a guy stopped me in the lobby On the way just now.
A producer.
He wanted to talk to you about an off-broadway run.
Well Would you excuse me? Maria: You want to give the actors some notes.
Geoffrey: Yes.
Maria: But you don't want ellen or henry to know about it.
Geoffrey: That's right.
I need to talk to the actors for five minutes, Just five minutes before the show Without henry, without ellen.
Oh.
For god's sakes, maria.
For once in your life, forget you're a stage manager! I can't.
Five minutes! What can it hurt? Oh, all right.
But if equity finds out- I'll tell them it was a safety thing.
(rings doorbell) (door opens) Richard! Evelyn, I'm, I'm I'm so sorry.
I didn't know you were having a party.
Yes.
It's a costume party.
(chuckles) You look wonderful.
I need to talk to him.
It's an emergency.
Do you mind waiting here? No, not at all.
(grunts and grimaces) Shit! (crash) Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I'm so sorry to disturb you at home But something terrible has happened.
What is it? Who are you supposed to be? I'm cardinal richelieu.
What is it? I just came from a meeting with our account executive From frog hammer.
Look, this isn't good.
The meeting was in jail.
(stifles sobs) What is going on, richard? Sanjay's been arrested.
He's a fraud.
His real name is morris taylor.
What? He's a dentist! He's a dentist from halifax! He got bored and decided to re-invent himself.
He's had all these identities.
I mean, it's incredible, But he's not a whiz kid.
There's no such thing as "cycle timing"! He just made it up! He made up the whole campaign as he was going along! And now we've lost half our subscriber base And the all the re-branding money is gone! (laughs) jesus christ.
What do you want me to do about it? I want you to help me.
I want you to tell me me what should I do? Well I tell you, richard, The richest people in the city Are in my living room right now.
I could do some kind of emergency whip around And get you some money.
My god, you'll do that? No.
No? No fuckin' way.
'cause I don't want to.
Because that would be throwing good money after bad.
I'm begging you.
It's over, richard.
You blew it.
You had your shot And now the festival is going down And you made the call.
Accept it and be a man.
All right.
I accept responsibility.
I do.
If you'll help us Just to get us through to the end of the season I will resign.
Resign? (chuckles) Do you have any idea How many dreary fucking board meetings I had to sit through just to watch you fuck it up? No.
You don't get to resign.
Because I am going to wait until next week When you tally up all of your disastrous fuckin' numbers And then I'm going to exercise my privilege And fire your sorry ass publicly! Your head is coming off my friend, And I am going to be the one wielding the axe.
Got it? (door slams shut)