Slow Horses (2022) s03e02 Episode Script

Hard Lessons

Get out of the way! Move. Move. Move.
What the fuck?
River, you have to do exactly as I say.
- You've got Catherine?
- I don't know anything about Catherine.
- If you hurt her, you know I'll kill you.
I was just told to come
here and give you a message.
- That's bullshit.
- Please.
They've just sent me
a picture of my sister
with her kids at the swings.
- Who did?
- I don't fucking know, okay?
But I have to do what they
say, or they'll kill the kids
in front of their mother.
bad people, River Please
Look, I'm a shit and I'm a prick,
and I don't I-I I
don't blame you for hating me,
but these are kids, River.
They're gonna kill kids.
Well, they're gonna kill Catherine
as well. So, who are they?
How many times I don't know. I
I'm not in the Service. You tell me.
They want you to get this.
I wrote it down. [BREATHING HEAVILY]
The PM's vetting file? [SCOFFS]
You know where that is, right?
Course I know where it is.
[SIGHS] Well, then you know
I can't get that. [SNIFFS]
- No, you have to get it.
- No, it's impossible.
No one gets into that part of the Park.
- You have to get it.
- Even if I could get in, I'd never
You have to get it by midday.
Mi An hour?
Or my nephew, my niece, my sister,
Catherine, they are all gonna die.
- No, I need more time.
- Oh, come on. You have to try!
- Please
- Okay.
- Who do I even give it to if I get it?
- I don't know.
- Mmm.
- I just I don't know.
They just said they'd make
contact again at midday.
- Why didn't they just get you to get it?
- I'm not in the Service anymore.
You know that.
And I'm in Slough House,
which you love reminding me of.
Yeah, but you don't belong in
Slough House. Everyone knows that.
Maybe they do too.
Maybe they want you because
you're Fuck's sake
[SIGHS] Because you're special.
[SIGHS] That you're the only
person who can pull this off.
What? Why are you
looking at me like that?
Oh, Jesus.
River, please, go. Run. Now.
Please, don't let 'em kill me. Please
Fuck. All right, fine.
[SNIFFLING] Please. Please.
What are you What are you doing?
What are you doing? River!
Oh, fuck.
[ANNOUNCER] Mind the gap.
Move, move, move, move!
Thank you. Excuse me. Sorry.
Move. Move. Sorry. Excuse me. Thank you.
- [STAMMERS] Can you just
- What's What's the hurry, mate?
Let me in. Let me in. Come on.
- Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
I need to speak to your
head of security. [SNIFFS]
There's a queue.
Get him on the phone now.
That doesn't even get
you into the building.
[SIGHS] God, I've missed you.
[SECURITY] Phone off.
- I said off!
- [RIVER] Yep, one minute.
[SECURITY] He's here, sir.
[SIGHS] Thanks.
You fucking me around?
- No.
- So, this isn't bullshit?
- Have you got somewhere else to be, River?
- Uh, no.
Uh, no, it's not bullshit
and, uh, no, don't have anywhere to be.
I don't want you here any longer
than necessary, you fucking Jonah.
- Understood.
- Hey!
That seat there is for
proper fucking grown-up spies.
Spies who don't crash Stansted or
call in fake fucking Code Septembers.
Look, I get the impression
sometimes that you don't like me.
I'd like to see you
eaten feet first by pigs.
Well, you have a very
eclectic bucket list.
But this is not bullshit.
You have the diamond?
You're welcome. See ya.
- How did you get it?
- What?
There were only three
people on that roof.
Standish, Longridge, Guy. Not you.
I mean, look, obviously
the person that's taken it,
they've acted impulsively,
and they've regretted it.
- Which one was it?
- I don't know, Duffy.
It was left on my desk with
a note to return it to you.
Did you bring the note?
No. And you can't tell who
it is from the note anyway.
No, obviously you can't.
You've got your diamond back.
That's what's important, okay?
Let's go and see if this
one's genuine, shall we?
- Why would it not be genuine?
- I don't know, River. You tell me.
- Look, it was handed to me
- Yeah.
and I handed it to
you. That's all I know.
Well, let's go and find
out together then, shall we?
Do I need to come for that? Why? Why
[CHUCKLES] You said that you didn't
have anywhere else to be, River.
Yeah, okay, let's go.
River, if you are fucking me around,
I'm gonna punch you so
hard you'll shit teeth.
Standish hasn't shown in
the morgues or the hospitals.
Mmm. Someone's grabbed her.
She contacted Cartwright, or he
said she did before he scarpered.
- Well, where is he?
- No idea.
- Well, call him.
- I tried.
His phone's off, which means
I can't track him either.
Jesus Christ, you lot are about
as much use as a paper condom.
[SIGHS] Where are Little and Large?
- Do you know what's in that?
- Yes.
Ice cream, sauce, whipped cream,
marshmallows. It's why I bought it.
There's enough calories
in there for a week.
I burn them off. I know it's harder
to keep the weight off at your age.
[CHUCKLES] Look, we might not
be each other's first choice,
but it is just you and me.
We share an office, is all.
Yeah, and River and Louisa
have got the other one.
Ho is his own thing.
And Lamb and Standish are
in some twisted codependency.
So, maybe we should team up.
To do what?
Get out of Slough House.
Unless you wanna stay there forever.
I've got time to take stock,
consider my options, unlike you.
[SCOFFS] I'm only five
years older than you.
Shh. Lamb.
Has Standish reached
out to you or Shirley?
No. We'd have let you know if she had.
[JACKSON] I'm not sure you would,
seeing how's you slacked off
for an ice cream.
Get back here. She's been kidnapped.
- He said she's been kidnapped.
- Who by? What do they want?
He didn't say. He wants
us back straightaway.
How did he even know we were here?
Yeah, that's definitely
what I'd focus on.
Standish's been kidnapped and what?
You just processed that and moved on?
Come on. If he knows we're here,
he probably knows we
haven't started moving yet.
God, we're gonna get
a triple bollocking.
Ho must have tracked our service phones.
He's probably got cameras
in our toilets at home too.
Yeah, I'm gonna need
you to slap him again.
- Is this gonna take long?
- You said you had nowhere to be.
Well, by nowhere, I meant
Slough House, of course.
- Cartwright?
- So Ma'am.
What are you doing in here?
He's returning the missing
diamond, supposedly.
I didn't ask you. I asked him.
I've returned the
missing diamond, actually.
And I'm taking him to get
it examined and verified.
You can do that by yourself.
I need to talk to Cartwright.
Ma'am, technically you no longer
have oversight of me or the Dogs.
I still have oversight of
the Slow Horses. Lucky me.
Come on, Cartwright.
I want you back in my office
when she's done with you.
If I have to come looking,
it's not gonna be pretty.
I don't want you in this building ever.
You are the bane of my career.
When you show up, frogs
start raining from the sky
and blood pours from the taps.
- I was returning the missing diamond.
- I don't care about the diamond.
The fact that it was missing
made Duffy look like a fool,
which I was rather enjoying.
Until you messed that up
like you mess everything up.
- Well, I didn't mean to mess anything up.
- Oh, shut up.
- Because of your rolling disasters
- Yep.
I have been put in
charge of moving boxes around.
And you and the other
quarter-wits at Slough House
are making a meal out of even that.
- Well, it is a lot of boxes, to be fair.
- I don't want excuses.
I want you to never
have happened. [SIGHS]
- Feels like I should go. Yeah.
- Yes.
Keep walking until you get to the sea.
And when you get to the sea,
keep walking with your mouth open.
You know the way out.
Whoa. Hey, hey. [SIGHS]
- Hi?
- H-Hey, uh, this is weird, isn't it?
- Um, I am not sure why I stopped.
- Me neither.
- Do you wanna grab a drink?
- No, thank you.
No, yeah. Fair enough. Well,
I'll see you around then.
Unless I give you my number.
Do you remember that I
kicked you out of my flat?
Yeah. I guess I was just hoping
we might part on better terms.
Look, I know you think I'm a dick.
But probably not as much of a
dick as you think. [CHUCKLES]
Look, I'm just I'm not really
in a good place at the moment,
so it's possible I
slightly overreacted and
Excuse me, why are you taking this?
It's double yellow lines. Is it yours?
- No.
- It's not your business then.
Actually, it is.
You make that yourself?
I'm MI5, and I need to
look inside this car now.
Yeah, all right.
Stupid cow.
- Oi! Oi!
- What the fuck are you doing?
Easy, easy, easy.
Fucking mad.
I'll fucking have you for that.
Next time, just do as you're asked.
- [SHIRLEY] She's been kidnapped?
- Yeah, that's what Lamb's saying. [SIGHS]
By who? What do they want?
You'd have to ask Cartwright. [SIGHS]
He got a message,
supposedly from Standish,
then he ran out like a whippet
with a chili up its arse.
- What's Lamb doing about it?
- More than you two.
I watched you come in in
case you were being followed.
- Save you the bother.
- We'd have known if we had.
Nah. Yeah, there was no
one on you, as it happens,
but these people are good.
I think they're out
there. [STAMMERS] Call 999.
Give 'em the address and tell them
that there's some guy
out here on the street,
waving his dick at passersby.
[SIGHS] They followed
Standish from here to AA.
And they knew that
Cartwright was gonna be here
when they contacted him.
So, they probably have the
whole building under surveillance
and a tap on the phones.
Get out there. Tail anyone who moves
from the café to the bus stop opposite
the minute after the call goes in.
How long should we follow for?
Well, until we can work out
who they are and what they want.
Keep your distance.
[RODDY] Police, please. [SIGHS]
Yeah, I'm at 152 Aldersgate Street.
There's a man outside with his dick
in one hand and a gun in the other,
shouting about God telling him to kill.
Should hurry them up.
Not even close.
This is Duffy. Is Cartwright
still in the building?
[SIGHS] Ah, fuck!
- [DIANA] Come in.
- Ma'am.
- Mm-hmm?
Where'd Cartwright go
after you spoke to him?
Mmm. Don't know. He left the building.
Well, he hasn't left the building.
We've no idea where he is.
Oh, that's not good.
Who signed him in?
[SMACKS LIPS] Oh, dear.
And the diamond?
[CHUCKLES] Hmm. Ma'am.
God, it's been so hectic.
I even forgot my parent's
wedding anniversary.
- Oh, my God.- Luckily my brother said e
I could go in on a present
with him. Lifesaver.
[HOBBS] River fucking Cartwright.
Last time we was by a lift,
you twatted me in the face
with a fire extinguisher.
Yeah, well, sorry about that.
But you were trying to nick me
for something I had no part in.
- [CHUCKLES] Funny.
Fair play, mate. Oh,
you got the drop on me.
Gotta respect that, innit?
- Yep.
So, what the fuck are you doing
over here? Still a Slow Horse?
Still stink the place up like
a dead horse full of horse shit?
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, well, uh
actually why I'm here.
I'm giving a lecture to new recruits
on how not to end up in Slough House.
Don't be a twat.
That's not me saying
I don't believe you.
That's me saying that your lecture
on how not to end up in Slough House
should just be you
saying, "Don't be a twat,"
- over and over again for an hour.
Right, right.
I mean, I'm probably gonna flesh
it out a bit more than that.
But if it's any consolation,
that's pretty much the gist. Yeah.
Well, glad there's no hard feelings.
No. No, mate. Now you're
over there, and I'm over here.
And I would rather drown in my
own piss than swap places with you.
Actually, you know what?
I don't want to miss a solid hour
of you telling the new
recruits what a fuckwit you are.
- Is that all right?
How could I say no?
Prick in baseball cap. Bus stop.
And don't spook them. They
could lead us to Standish.
What the fuck are you doing?
[MARCUS] Following from in
front. It's way more subtle.
And don't fucking call me.
Don't fucking answer if
you don't wanna speak.
- Keep on him. I'll try and cut ahead.
- All right, all right. Fuck.
Oi! Little fucker.
- For fuck's sake. [PANTS]
- [GROANS] Nice one.
I told you to keep your bloody distance,
not scare him off like a pigeon.
[PANTING] I got the plate.
Yeah, I need to do some laundry.
Yep. So
What time did you say it starts?
next ten minutes. Yeah.
Oh, wait. Oh. [CLICKS TONGUE] Hold on.
Starts at 1:00, not 12:00.
- Aw, a shame.
- Ah. Yeah.
Gotta be somewhere at 1:00.
Oh. Well, I'm I'm sure
someone's gonna record it, so
I do hope so.
Need something new to
wank over. [CHEWING]
Um, yeah.
Well, I'll probably
just, you know, stay here.
Get my thoughts together, you know?
Try and forget about what you just said.
Yeah, man. You do that.
[SIGHS] Just before I go
Show us your security pass?
My security pass? You know I'm Service.
No. You're a Slow fucking Horse,
which means you need a
security pass to be in here.
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They They gave me one.
That's a visitor's pass.
That'll get you through reception,
but to be this deep in the
building, you needed a security pass.
Yes. Got it on my phone.
- Show us. Yeah.
- You wanna see it? Okay.
You run the plates?
It's fake.
Why Lamb didn't stop to get it.
Where did he disappear to then?
- He's got nothing to go on.
- Can we find out who faked the plates?
[SIGHS] There's about
500 people on the dark web
who offer that service,
and they won't know who they sold it to.
Why am I having to explain this?
This must be how Jesus felt,
surrounded by dickheads.
Yeah, he was famously hated
by everyone who met him.
Uh, a hire car was left outside the
café where Catherine was snatched.
Those are the details
of the guy who hired it.
[SCOFFS] What, you think the kidnapper
signed their real name and address?
Sean Donovan. [SCOFFS]
Well, it's something to go on, isn't it?
That's nothing to go on, babes.
- [MARCUS] Is that the van?
Shut up about the fucking van.
You should be tracking it.
I am tracking it.
But after you spooked them,
they'll have swapped the
fake plates for a new set.
Well, what's that ping then?
Cartwright. He turned his phone on.
- Where is he?
- The Park.
Oh, fucking come on, mate. You
haven't got a pass, have you?
Yes, I do, I just I just
I just had a few tabs open
there that I should've shut.
Ah, here it is. Right, there you are.
[GROANS] You fucking bastard!
[RODDY] Cartwright's at the Park.
What the fuck is he doing at the Park?
He's about as welcome there
as a turd in a hot tub.
Search me.
Did he sign in?
Yeah. And now he's AWOL in the building.
Name and address check out.
- [RODDY] Yeah, right.
- Let's see who this is.
- We'll stake out the address.
- Yeah.
- Wait, it's my lead.
- [RODDY] Not a lead.
Please don't leave me with Ho.
think it's a fake ID?
So I made a mistake.
I'm vulnerable.
Oof. That bad, hey?
They got Standish.
- You didn't tell me that.
- I didn't tell you anything.
They bugged our phones.
- They trail you here?
- Eh, I got rid of 'em.
Why are you talking
to me and not the Dogs?
They made contact with one of my team,
who's just flashed up at the Park.
I'm guessing they told
him to do as they say
or Standish turns up in bits.
I'm keen not to accelerate that process.
- What can you give me?
- They're ex-military.
You can tell that by looking?
Oh, yeah, they walk around like they
got a bayonet stuck up their arse,
and spend three hours a day in the gym,
which means their clothes don't fit.
- So mercs?
- No. Mercs are fucking lunatics.
No, these guys, uh, they're
organized, controlled.
Private security then?
Who's big enough to try
and penetrate the Park?
There are three firms that
can mount that kind of op.
Stormbreak and Strike Force
Jesus Christ. Fucking names.
Why don't they just
go for Rock Hard Cocks?
[SNICKERS] Well, Stormbreak's
guys are all tied up in Syria.
And I know for a fact that Strike Force
are about to take out
a Liberian warlord.
I'm doing the logistics.
What's the third option?
[CLICKS TONGUE] Chieftain.
New dicks on the block.
- Mmm.
- Ran by a Sly Monteith.
[SCOFFS] I hate to judge a
person on their name alone,
but he sounds like an absolute ponce.
Old Etonian, well-connected, went
to school with half the Cabinet.
Hmm. Well, my judgment stands.
Yeah. Now he's living his wet dream
of having his own private army.
But a hell of a move for him to make,
to kidnap and blackmail Service agents.
I mean, who's gonna
pay for him to do that?
Other than a hostile foreign power,
which would land him in
all sorts of shit back here.
Huh. I can think of someone.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Yep. [SIGHS]
Cartwright's on east stairs.
Yeah, I'm on the fucking east stairs,
and he's heading to
the fucking basement.
[HOBBS] Don't even think about it.
[HOBBS] Move!
Oh, fuck.
- [HOBBS] Come here, you bastard.
- [HOBBS] Open the fucking door.
Cartwright, I'm so serious.
- Open this fucking door!
- [PANTING] Hello?
- If you don't open the fucking door
- Hey.
- I am gonna kick your head in.
- Hello?
Uh, Duffy, Hobbs. [PANTING]
Cartwright's in the
basement. He's, uh [SIGHS]
He's jumped me and he's took me pass.
Anyway, I can't get in in that room.
No, the fucking troll not letting me in.
[MOLLY] Are you a Dog?
Huh? No. There's one of
them behind that door.
- Then keep him there.
- [SIGHS] Fine by me.
Right, I need this now,
or someone dies, okay?
You're Cartwright Jr., aren't you?
- Yeah. [COUGHS]
- I can see your grandfather in you.
[PANTS] I need this. Come on.
I can't possibly give you this.
Well, you need to [SNIFFS]
because if you don't
See this woman? She dies. Okay?
Then I'm afraid she dies.
What? Are you f She's Service.
They're gonna fucking kill her.
- I didn't much like your grandfather.
- But I like him more than I like the Dogs.
If I let you walk out
of here with this file,
the Dogs will work you over
till you're in a chair like mine,
and she'll probably die anyway.
But I will call someone who
might be able to help you.
Okay, well, whoever it is, they
have three and a half minutes
to help me. So
Fuck it. I-I Fuck it,
I don't have time for this.
Just-Just-Just give me the
file. Fuck it, I'll find it.
Oh, shit, she's dead.
Fuck. Oh, Catherine. [PANTING]
- Cartwright, phone, now.
[PANTS] Yeah, what?
[JACKSON] Get the fuck outta there now.
What, why? Lamb, listen to me.
Someone has Standish,
and I have to get a file,
- or they kill her.
- No-No. You listen to me.
You might think you're
hot stuff, Cartwright,
but in fact, you're cold shit.
Lamb, did you hear what
I said? Standish dies.
No, she doesn't. Now get the fuck
out of there before you screw us all.
What? What? What does that mean?
What do I do? What the fuck do I do?
- Whatever Lamb told you to do.
- He told me to get out.
There's a service hatch at the
back. It leads to the car park.
I won't have the Dogs on my
floor, so you have some time.
What if he's wrong?
It would be a first.
[SIGHS] Oh, fuck.
[GROANS] Fuck.
The last time I saw you,
you put a gun to my head.
Now you're offering me room service?
We needed the photo to look real.
Who did you send it to? Lamb?
'Cause if you're trying to
blackmail him with a threat to me,
- I'm not sure it'll work.
- We need to move you.
You have about 20
minutes to finish that.
If you want anything
else, please let us know.
I'd like to go home, please.
Um, I wasn't sure if
you're a vegetarian,
so there's o-one ham, one cheese.
And what is this place?
I mean, safe houses are
usually empty, impersonal.
This house feels lived in.
Uh, or you could combine
them. Ham and chee cheese.
A rental car was towed
from outside the café
where Catherine was snatched.
And the rental doc was filled
out in the name of Sean Donovan,
- who works for Ch
- Chieftain. Anything else?
- [WHISPERS] Stop staring at me!
Marcus and Shirley are
sitting on his home address.
Why, have they not worked
out what this is yet?
What is it?
[SIGHS] Massive wank, that's what it is.
[STAMMERS] Wha What do you mean?
That Chieftain are
just doing this for fun?
No, for money.
Get down to their office.
And if you haven't worked it
out by then, don't come back.
- Can I open my eyes yet?
- No.
She won't open it.
Ms. Doran!
It's Duffy!
- I'm coming in!
- [MOLLY] Fuck off.
Well, if I can't come in, could you
please send River Cartwright out?
I don't know who that is.
There isn't anyone else here.
I would ask you to come in and
take a look, but I will not have
But you don't have Dogs on your floor.
Yeah, but I have to override that
if you're harboring an intruder.
Okay, come on in.
But I'll need your details,
- especially the one who called me a troll.
I'll need his name for the HR
complaint I'm about to file.
[NICK] Hobbs!
- We're just gonna leave him in there?
- He's not in there.
[EMPLOYEE] It's their
golden wedding anniversary.
[CHUCKLES] I am not
buying them a subscription
to a bacon delivery service.
[LAUGHS] I don't care
how good the bacon is.
Yes, I know that's what Dad
wants, but what about Mum?
You know when she's all, "I
don't mind. Don't make a fuss"?
- She's always lying.
Okay. Okay, fine.
You get them that, and I will
get them a decent present.
You know, to stop Mum rightfully
stinking out the whole weekend.
[GUARD] Hey, heading off early?
Nope [SIGHS] still working.
Gotta go sit in on a meeting at the Met.
[GUARD] So you can write
down the big words for 'em?
I used to go out with a
police officer, you know.
- [GUARD] Oh, uh, sorry. [CHUCKLES]
- [EMPLOYEE] Honestly, don't be.
[EMPLOYEE] He got suspended for
tasering himself in the foot.
And that wasn't even
in the top three reasons
why I left him so [LAUGHS]
- All right, take care, yeah.
- [EMPLOYEE] I'll see you.
Right, I'm out. [PANTING]
[JACKSON] Don't think
you're getting a gold star.
Come on. I just broke in and out
of the Park. That's not nothing.
[SIGHS] Oh, I take that back.
Thank you for the sun which
shines out of your arse.
What, are you gonna tell me
why you pulled me out then?
Because you shouldn't have been
in there in the first place.
Yeah, well I thought
Standish's life was in danger.
No, you didn't think at all.
Then what the fuck is
happening. Who's got her?
- Oh, shit [GROANS]
River! I can't believe you
left without saying goodbye.
- Hey, you dumb prick? Up here. Look.
- Now, listen. No, let's [GROANS]
[NICK] Ah, it's just
starting for you, sunshine.
Put him in the fucking car!
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