Smallville s09e06 Episode Script

Good morning, Metropolis.
I'm your host, Lois Lane.
And I'm your co-host, Clark Kent.
And we're here to help make the start of your day just a little bit brighter.
Right, Clark? Right.
A little less brighter.
Could we start over? No problem, let me know when you're ready.
Great.
I appreciate you helping me audition.
I'm angry you didn't tell me how badly Oliver was doing, but you're here.
So don't make me wish you weren't.
It's okay.
You don't need to get all worked up like you usually do.
Excuse me, Mr.
I'm-Slow-And-Steady And-Know-What's-Best-For-Everyone.
This happens to be important to me.
With newspapers on the endangered-species list news television is my only backup plan.
Don't you think you can be a little less dramatic with this whole thing? You could be more passionate with this whole thing.
But not you, not mild-mannered Clark Kent.
- Do you even care if I get this job? - Of course.
I bought a new tie.
- Oh, well, I bought a whole new outfit.
- Yeah, you look great.
- Don't do that.
Do what? Don't you dare reassure me right now.
Lois, I'm only doing this for you.
How else am I gonna get that second date? You should have thought about that before you stood me up the first time.
Work lights, please.
Thanks guys, that'll do.
Oh, I'm sorry, we weren't- Really, one more time would be great.
That's it for today.
What do you say you come back early Monday and give it another whirl? - You got the job.
Congratulations.
- Great.
I guess this means you forgive me? Well, let's just say I won't forget about you when I go national.
Actually, we want you both.
I'm sorry? Oh, no, he's just here to help me.
I am a behind-the-scenes kind of guy.
That's good.
That's real.
That's what people want nowadays.
Besides, you two have great chemistry.
Like Hepburn and Tracy, Regis and Kelly.
It's a package deal, guys.
Either you both stay or you both go.
Hey.
From the look on your face, I'm guessing Good Morning, Metropolis wasn't good.
- Did Lois get the job? - Yeah.
So did I.
They'd only hire us as a team.
How do I get myself into these things? - So, what's your first story? - Online dating.
They want us to tape ourselves on dates set up through the Internet - then coffee-talk about them on the show.
- Wow.
Tackling morning television to get back into Lois' good graces.
This has gotta be one of your bravest moves yet.
As much as I care about Lois, there's nothing more important - than finding the Kandorians.
- Clark.
You've been galloping around the globe tracking down every Kryptonian crop circle we've found.
And every time, the Kandorian who came with it was long gone.
Doesn't mean I'm gonna stop looking.
I think it's time to start looking a little closer to home.
Tess has been reinforcing her firewalls.
She cut the feed to her security cameras.
Given her attraction to all things alien- You think she's building her own Area 51.
Let me use Watchtower to peek at her files.
- I'll see what I can find on my end.
- Clark, you've done everything you can.
You chose to come back to your Daily Planet double life as a cover.
That's what you need to focus on.
Just for today, leave the Kandorians to me.
What are these? - Release forms from KZXP.
They want us to fill them out before we go on our dates.
I have to get a date.
I'm still filling out my online profile.
If you want matchmakers to pick a winner you really have to be careful to choose just the right words.
I filled mine out in 10 minutes this morning.
I guarantee that's the only 10 you're getting out of it.
Well, let's see what you wrote.
All right.
Under "likes" you have the theater.
You mean movie theater.
Details.
Favorite drinks, you have bubbly.
Yeah, if it comes in a six-pack.
I do like a six-pack.
There's nothing about monster trucks.
You love monster-truck rallies.
This is morning television, Clark.
Monster trucks are not gonna guarantee me a guy who will impress the home viewers.
There are a lot of things about you that would attract a lot of great guys.
Really? Like what? Uh You're Lois.
Thanks, Clark, but I already filled out my name.
Good luck on your date.
I'm sure you'll sweep her off her feet.
In the face! Hit him, baby.
Come on.
Hey.
Hey.
That's right.
Yeah, all right.
Why you gotta keep making me hunt you down, Mia? How are you supposed to pay me back if you keep running away? - Rick.
Yeah, come on.
We wouldn't want anything to happen to that pretty face.
That's your money-maker, baby.
Nice wheels.
Nice leather.
Still, nothing compares to Aston Martin's original V8 Vantage.
You know your cars.
- Whoo! - Whoa! Take it easy, Speedy.
I'm trying to stay away from life in the fast lane.
So why you cruising for company? I'm not cruising for company, actually.
I was looking for you.
I've seen you fight.
You got speed, strength.
You're talented.
Why do you care? I'm just somebody trying to help you fix your life.
That last guy was twice your size.
He kept on beating you down, you kept coming back after him.
I don't bruise that easily.
Well, maybe not on the outside.
I know what I'm talking about, Mia, I used to fight for the same reason.
It never mattered who was standing across from me.
The real battle was with myself.
I can train you.
I can teach you how to overcome your fear all that hate in your heart, and get you off the streets.
Oh, my hero.
So, what's this help gonna cost me, hero? Just a little time.
Time enough for me to prove to you that you can trust me.
Look, I can handle any hacker, okay? But you should know, someone's trying to get through to us right now - and I think they're pretty good, so- - Then be better.
Fix the situation, Stuart.
Or I'll have you terminated.
Okay, by "terminated" though, you mean fired, right? Right? Thank you all for coming today.
For years, I've tried to steer LuthorCorp towards more environmentally-conscious projects.
I just had to prove that going green also meant going up on the stock exchange.
Thanks to cutting-edge technology we've acquired through our new partnership with RAO Incorporated I believe this project will put LuthorCorp on top Metropolis on the map and our planet back on course.
I give you the world's first completely self-sustaining solar tower.
This one tower will generate enough clean energy to power all of Metropolis.
Bravo, Tess.
Congratulations on an exceptionally well-realized effort.
Mr.
Zod.
I never expected to see you here.
Oh, interesting.
Seeing as I am now chairman and CEO of RAO.
Please, please.
Hold your applause.
Save it for the real hero, our stunning hostess, Tess Mercer.
And by taking on this project, she is making my simple dream of harnessing the powers of the sun a reality.
So here's to Tess Mercer our savior.
Hear, hear.
I swear to you all, this tower will change the world.
Okay, Clark, sound check time.
Say, "One, two, three.
" One, two, three? Put it in your ear first, big guy.
Tap it once to turn it on.
One, two, three.
Thanks.
LOIS Wow, Smallville, talk about green.
Like your first day at the Daily Planet all over again.
This mean I'm about to hear Lois Lane's rules of online dating? There really is only one rule when it comes to dating, Clark show up.
Like after you ask someone to a monster-truck rally it's a good idea to show up to the date.
Maybe we should talk about this when we're not being taped.
Okay, Clark, let's talk about something else.
- Like your online dating profile.
- But that was supposed to be private.
Well, I'll give you this, you definitely were honest.
Admitting you grew up on a farm is either going to get you a date with country mouse or a cougar looking for her next meal.
Hi, Clark.
Uh, I'm Catherine.
Or not.
- Hello, Catherine.
- Hi.
- Uh, have a seat.
Okay.
Uh I've seen these blind-date shows on television before but I never actually thought I would go on one.
This isn't live, is it? Uh, they're taping it to air it some other time.
If you can't take the heat, sister, get out of the café.
Sorry, I have this really annoying ringing in my ear.
Oh, I understand.
I'm nervous too.
I can barely hear anything over my own heartbeat.
Oh, please.
Just try to treat this like any other date.
That's the problem, I'm kind of busy so I don't go on dates much.
What is it that keeps you so busy? Well, until recently, I was overseas.
Skiing in Switzerland, modeling in Milan.
Where I was working in the Peace Corps.
But then I decided to come to Metropolis to take my Ph.
D.
I couldn't decide between sociology or social justice.
So I'm doing both.
Is she for real? Congratulations, Clark you're dating Mother Teresa in 6-inch heels.
Great.
You're welcome.
I didn't thank you.
Well, you should.
Because while your teams were out scouring the globe, failing to find us I was using our considerably evolved intelligence to make LuthorCorp the most technologically-advanced company on Earth.
The question is, what do you want in return? Someone who betrayed us.
The one you call the Blur.
I'm flattered you think of the people on this planet that I'd know how to find the Blur, but- Hmm You disappoint me, Tess.
But I'll play your game.
The Blur's blood was used as an antidote to a virus that swept through Metropolis weeks ago.
We were able to get a sample of that blood.
We took it to the lab to be tested.
Instead, every last drop had been destroyed.
At your request.
What are you talking about? Since you chose to destroy the Blur's blood samples I'm guessing you're trying to protect him.
Maybe for some altruistic reasons or maybe you wanted to use him as a bargaining chip.
I helped free your people from that orb because I'd hoped you'd save humanity from itself.
But the only way I can make sure that happens is if we're equal partners.
No human will ever stand on equal footing with a Kandorian.
Make her tell you where this Blur is or kill her.
Yes, major.
- Ollie, I need your help.
- Not a good time, Lois.
You know how Clark and I have this side job hosting Good Morning, Metropolis? Uh, Clark Kent's hosting morning television? I can't wait to watch him show me how to bake a cake.
Well, our first report does has some heat but it's not about baking.
They've set us both up on blind dates.
Clark's on a blind date? Talk about footage of a train wreck.
Well, you might wanna save the space on your DVR, because here's the kicker.
He did great.
You wanna be better.
That's why I'm here.
- I need you to tell me my red flags.
- Red flags? Anything about me that annoyed you while we were together.
I bought a dress, reserved the Ace of Clubs but if I don't identify my deal-breakers they're gonna cancel before it gets to air.
Call it selective memory, or a short attention span but I only remember the good things.
Like how you used to brush your hair back when you were nervous or used to call out football plays in your sleep.
Thanks for the workout, Ollie, but time's up.
Do you think you could pay me in smaller bills? Nice towel, honey.
Where will she put the money? Um See the thing is, we were just sparring.
Don't worry, I'm not here to judge.
I just kind of hoped you'd spend more than one week clean before you got back in the gutter.
- Uh- - Sorry I interrupted your sparring.
It's- Lois.
Finally.
Another firewall? That's right, my hapless hacker, you have been served.
What? Already? Damn, you are fast.
Okay, I see your anonymous proxy filter with your reinforced protocol encryption and I raise you one rewritten ACL.
Denied.
Okay.
Now you've made me angry.
- You said no strings attached.
- I'm not trying to sleep with you.
But if you think a pebble in your shoe is painful wait till you feel what a $50,000 watch will do.
Thank you.
Why don't you look around? Why would you wanna go back on the streets? You don't get it.
If I can finish paying off what I owe Rick, I'm done.
I'm free.
Well, how much do you owe Rick? I'll cover it.
And then I'd owe you.
I don't think so.
- I'm not that kind of guy- - Don't tell me about types, okay? I know them all.
Rick's type, your type, political types, twisted types.
And I'm sick of all of you.
Well, I'm not gonna trap you here, Mia.
I would just like to see you do something with your life that you can be proud of.
Why would you help someone like me? Because I know what it feels like to be stuck in a place that you feel there's no escape from.
And my friends helped me find the way out.
If I stay it's gonna cost you.
Way ahead of you.
I went ahead and had my staff buy you some clothes.
I'm sure you'll find something in there you like.
Oh, and hey, hope you dress as fast as you drive because I'm gonna need you to drop me off somewhere.
- You got anything stronger? - Of course.
CLARK The last thing you need is a drink, Lois.
Thanks, Clark.
You sound like my mother on prom night.
How do I look? If this were a prom, you'd be crowned queen.
Your date's a lucky man.
Do I detect a note ofjealousy from the notoriously nice Clark Kent? Careful my date doesn't hear you.
He might have to take you down.
I'd like to see him try.
You know what they say, all's fair in love and war.
What's it gonna be for us, Lois, love or war? Clark, it sounds like you're asking me out on another date.
If I was, would you say yes? I'll tell you what I'd say- Oliver? What are you doing? OLIVER: Well, you wanted this television tryst to make an impression, right, Lois? My blind date is with you? Well, technically your blind date's leaving in the elevator.
I paid him to go seek his 15 minutes of fame somewhere else.
You tell Smiley, he shows up late one more time he's gonna go home in a box.
You understand me? Yeah, I got it.
I wasn't sure you'd show up, princess.
This should finish paying off what I owe you.
It belongs to Oliver Queen.
He's probably got 20 of these things.
Guy's richer than the Luthors.
Safe bet says he's got a safe stuffed with cash someplace.
Which is why I want you to show us where you dropped him off tonight.
- Rick- - You honestly think I would let you go? Mia, honey, you're my top earner, baby.
So you remember, you run, I will find you.
You move to another city, my friends will hunt you down.
No second chances, okay? Wow, uh I always kind of took you for a beer girl.
No, no, only the finer things in life for Lois Lane.
Oh, yes.
Right.
Of course.
Then a toast.
Let's not.
Oliver, it's bad enough that I catch you dragging yourself through the mud again.
But now you're bound and determined to ruin my date? Okay, that meeting you walked in on? That was someone I was actually helping.
Well, you obviously helped her out of her clothes.
Very funny.
I'm not here to sabotage you, I thought your audience might want a date with Metropolis' most eligible billionaire bachelor.
That'd be me.
I guess it wouldn't hurt the ratings.
Okay, you've got 10 minutes to explain yourself.
Well, I'm only gonna need one.
Because there's really only one reason why I came here.
I never finished saying what it is that I loved about you.
Oh, okay.
Lois, what's going on? I don't know.
Let me just skip to the end.
The thing I love about you the most is that you're still in my life.
Because you're still in my heart.
Check, please.
Lois? Lois? Sorry, Clark.
Couldn't this have waited until the cameras were off? No.
I'm not hiding my feelings anymore, Lois.
I figured by saying all that stuff with the cameras on, I could prove that to you.
I had no idea you still had such strong feelings.
You know, I went to a really dark place, Lois.
And I think it took going there and coming back to realize you're the best part of my life.
I love you, Oliver as a dear friend.
Which is why I have to be totally honest with you.
Clark.
Yes.
I'm happy you know what you want.
I guess it just hurts knowing it's not me.
I am so sorry.
Good night, Lois.
Oliver.
Hi.
I said I was your friend and I meant it.
I am not going to let you wander down any more dark alleys.
Thank you.
But you don't have to worry about me, Lois.
I'm all about embracing life right now.
I'm not trying to end it.
- Good.
You know what I mean? Trying to take the right kind of chances.
You, my friend, were definitely a chance worth taking.
Thank you.
Is towel girl your driver now? Maybe your plan B? Very funny.
Uh, her name is Mia.
And, come on, I'll introduce you.
For real this time.
Mia.
Hey, Mia.
I'm sorry.
Oliver.
Ah, ah.
What's your hurry? Oh, hey.
Great work today.
Have you seen the new marketing ad? I have high hopes for you two.
So did I.
You said you wouldn't hurt him.
Back in the car, Mia.
Tell me you didn't pick Prince Charming here over Oliver.
Shut up and get in your carriage, Cinderella.
Get off of me! Pretty boy's worth billions, but you're not worth the headache.
I can't let you do this.
Check this out, streetwalker thinks she's a street fighter.
- What are you gonna do, Mia? - Stay where you are.
You gonna gun me down? You don't have it in you.
You're no hero.
Go.
Go.
Come on, let's go.
Go.
Go.
LOIS Oliver.
Lois.
Come on.
You will respect me.
Leave me alone.
I'm afraid I can't do that.
Excuse me? I had to wait until we were locked down for the night so we won't be interrupted.
You're Kandorian? And I have a message from Major Zod.
Tell me where the Blur is or you die.
- You find a lead on the Kandorian? - I've run every play in my playbook to try and access Tess' files but she's got one hell of a defensive line.
The good news is I've only counted 100 firewalls so I think I'm actually about to score.
Greetings, estimable foe, whoever you are.
Now, I'm guessing, since you've made it this far you probably haven't slept and your fingers are getting cramped up.
So I thought I would take it upon myself to do you a big favor and just say, "Give up.
" I can do this all day and all night.
I'm sure you already get the picture.
So talk to the hand.
Hello, hand.
Stuart Campbell, graduate of MIT, talk to these hands.
Nice work, Chloe.
So it looks like Stuart Campbell is Tess' tech boy wonder.
And he has done some pretty heavyweight hacking of his own.
Government databases, corporations.
Wow, we could do a lot with this kind of leverage.
Maybe even get him to join us.
You'd even match.
Clark, this guy is so good, every time I'd get close, he'd show up and block me.
I know the feeling.
Lois and Oliver.
Seeing him with her, it's been a long time - since he looked that happy.
- Clark, just stop, okay? Your willingness to sacrifice yourself for others is a great strength for sure.
But when it comes to your own happiness, it's a weakness.
Oliver's been through a lot, and we're friends.
Lois is not up for auction.
Look, for once, try not to second guess things.
All you have to do is ask yourself, what do you want? - Lois.
- Did you hear? The brilliant brass at KZXP have decided to go with someone else for their show.
- Lois- - After Ollie and I almost got killed guess who they've decided to go with.
Apparently blonds test better with morning viewers.
- Lois.
- I'm sorry.
I never should have tried out, or dragged you there with me-