SMILF (2017) s01e06 Episode Script

1 [UPBEAT RAGTIME MUSIC.]
[WOMAN.]
Friday afternoon at the gym, we played a game.
Two wastepaper baskets were hung three feet above our heads, and the object was to get to ball into the opponents' basket.
It's true that Dr.
James Naismith invented basketball, but it was Senda Berenson, an instructor at Smith, who brought it to women.
But she had her critics who thought the girls would suffer nervous fatigue from participating.
One hundred and twenty-five years later, women have become icons of the sport.
Pat Summitt, Lisa Leslie, Rebecca Lobo, and of course Bridgette Bird [GROANS.]
Are you hungry? [WOMAN.]
Who, until one fated night in 2017, was just a struggling single mother trying to find her way.
Final notice.
Oh, look, it's the IRS.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
Oh, wait What? WNBA.
WBA.
Should open it.
It's it's not so scared.
Oh, shit.
"We got your online application, and you're now registered for the Boston WNBA open tryouts held in high schools all around the state.
Holy shit! Holy shit! [WOMAN.]
And the rest, as they say, is herstory.
[LIGHT MUSIC.]
And I was an orphan Till you came along I was an orphan Till you came along Life wasn't so fun In fact, it was wrong But all that's left to do is Hold on [WHISTLING.]
What is she doing? I'm visualizing my BEEF, Regina.
Balance, Eyes, Elbow, Follow-Through.
I do it before every big game.
Mm-hmm.
Her WNBA tryouts are today.
What, like professional basketball? - Yep.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Okay, if that's your plan on getting a job and getting off my couch, then I got a little bit of a concern.
Okay, well, now I gotta get there early and do a hundred lefty layups.
- That's your problem.
- [ELIZA.]
Hmm.
Uh, where are my lemons? - Who took my lemons? - I'm sorry.
I actually made an Arnold Palmer.
- You made an Arnold Palmer? - Yeah.
I need to make my game-day lemon water.
I didn't know it was your game-day lemonade Wh why are you looking at me like Why would you fuck with her lemons? Uh, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
I'll just have Rafi bring it.
It's just I have a ritual, you know? It's that game day lemon water - [ELIZA.]
Exactly! - keeps my alkalized and balanced, all right? Then pay your rent.
That's what she should do.
- [BRIDGE.]
E, check this out.
- Let me see.
- Ohhh, shit.
- Michael Jordan highlights? All day.
All day long.
That's when he won the championship game - after his dad died - Mm.
on Father's Day.
Look at his tongue.
[ANNOUNCER.]
and he dunks it! - Oh, damn! - Ohhhh! - How's he do it? - 'Cause he's the fucking GOAT.
What's a GOAT? Greatest Of All Time.
Oh, yeah, he is definitely the GOAT.
He's the GOAT.
You the GOAT.
- I'm not really the GOAT.
- Well, you're the fucking GOAT.
- I'm the GOAT.
- Say "I'm the GOAT.
" - I'm the GOAT.
- I'm the motherfucking [BRIDGE.]
I'm the motherfucking GOAT.
Yes, WNBA, here I come.
WNBA, here I come, 'cause GOAT! 'Cause you're the motherfucking GOAT.
Yeah.
What? - Oh, shit, Bridgette.
- Ohhhh! All right, all right.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[RAFI GROANING.]
[FATHER EDDIE.]
That's it.
One more.
That's it.
Come on, push.
Push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push.
- Yeah, man! - Ooh-ooh-oooh! - Is it me or is that light? - Killing it, bro.
Let's put some more on there.
Twenty-five.
Put another 25.
You scared or what? What's going on with you? I feel good.
I can't feel good? Oh, you can feel good.
You're in a particularly good mood right now.
I don't know, man, it's just things are really good with Bridge - Yeah? - And Larry.
And I had such a great Father's Day.
And Nelson, like we're gonna build this IKEA furniture set.
- Or whatever, you know? - Mm-hmm.
All 'cause of you, man.
No, it's all 'cause of you, right? Because you're keeping your side of the street clean.
God's gonna take care of the rest, but you gotta remember, you gotta stay the course, because it's feeling good now, but it could be shitty tomorrow.
Right? - Let's get this.
- Okay.
[PHONE VIBRATES.]
Oh, hold on, hold on.
It's my mom.
- Hello.
- [Speaking Spanish.]
- Hola, Mami.
Mama.
- - Mama, cálmate.
- - [Speaking Spanish.]
I gotta go, okay? - Meet you see you at the meeting? - Yeah, no doubt.
- Mami.
Hi, Ma.
There they are, my two favorite people.
- [BRIDGE.]
Hi.
- Hey, baby boy.
Hi.
Oh, look, your drawing's still here from yesterday.
Yeah, I keep it for him there.
Bridge, you want some of this gazpacho? No, I'm on a rush.
Okay, but this is a recipe from The Chew.
Yeah, well, I got my tryouts today.
I still need to do my lefty layups.
Can you watch Larry and can I have my car? No, because I have big news.
What? - I found Edmond.
- What? - Edmond.
- I heard you.
Where? Yeah, on Yelp.
He is a dentist with three stars in North Boston.
Okay, three's not very good.
- Three's good.
- It's not that good.
I made an appointment.
I'm gonna go see him today.
Imagine that, he's been this close this whole time.
Yeah, and he's gonna be closer when I show up there.
This is a bad idea.
No, I'm gonna show up at that office, and I'm gonna do things because I'm wet downtown.
Shhh.
- Ma! - All right, I'm just saying.
- Ma! - Come on.
Hey, Larry, Tutu loves you.
Bridge, I can't get over the feelings in my body and in my soul.
I'm tingly, Bridge.
Tingly.
Okay, Mom, this is a really big day for me.
Well, this is a big day for me, too.
You're just fucking delusional.
- What? - Yeah.
You haven't seen the guy in over 30 years.
You think he's just gonna show up at the office, he's gonna fall madly in love with you again? You're fucking delusional.
You haven't played on a basketball team in a decade.
And you think you're gonna walk in to the basketball auditions and just pick up It's a tryout.
It's not an audition, it's a tryout.
Okay, so when you're done, you're gonna be a big sports superstar, is that the plan? Yeah, who knows? Why not try, right? - Why not try? - Okay, you go try, Bridge.
I'm gonna give you my car too, okay? But I can't watch him, so Joe's gonna do it.
- No.
- I don't you don't like that.
- But he's good.
- Joe poops in a bag.
So what? Everyone has challenges.
- Joe! - [JOE.]
Yo! Will you watch the baby while I go out for a few hours? - [JOE.]
Hell yeah! - [SIGHS.]
Yeah, and where's the keys? Where's the car keys? [JOE.]
Uh, they're in that drawer, you know, with the stuff, under the thing.
Yeah, thank you, honey.
Right there, that's what he's talking about.
"Thank you, Mom.
You're the greatest Mom I" - Mom, thank you.
- That's all I want, Bridgey.
Okay, give me kisses.
I love you.
Mwah, mwah.
- Hey, Bridgette.
- Hey what? Give me kisses.
I love you, mm-hmm.
- Come on.
- I love you.
- Good luck.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
Larry, now we're alone together, and it makes me so happy.
Who's the best? - You.
- Yeah.
[PHONE BUZZES.]
[CHEERFUL MUSIC.]
[SIGHS.]
Ugh! Well, I'm sorry.
[SIGHS.]
[GROANS.]
[PHONE BUZZES.]
No! Ally? [ALLY.]
Upstairs! Bridge, I need you! - Ally, what? - Bridgette! - Ahhh! - Shit.
- Bridgette.
- Jesus fucking Christ.
Would you be so kind as to hand me that tape, please? Ally, what happened? You see how it's coming up and Okay! Yep, I got it.
- Let me just tape it down.
- Does it look okay? - Don't touch it.
- Okay.
Just tape it down but don't touch it.
- Okay.
- Don't so bad.
- Ohh, God! - Ow, ow.
- Oh, God.
- Is that good? - Let's just put this down.
- Okay.
What happened? Well, Mr.
Daddy took the kids on his business trip with him, so I had just tiny little window to get everything done.
I got a tummy tuck and Fraxel PRP on my face.
And then I got some fillers, and I got the ultrasound on my neck.
- The fillers look good.
- Does it look good? - Yeah.
It's good.
- Can you tell? I feel like I can still see my wrinkles.
- Why did you do this? - What? Um, I mean, you're just such a beautiful woman.
No, I'm not.
I used to be, and now I don't look anything like that anymore.
Have you seen pictures of me when I was younger? - Yes, on the wall.
- Yeah.
- And in the hallway.
- Yeah.
And in the kitchen and outside the kids' room and that one.
Yeah, look at that one.
I don't look like that anymore.
That was our wedding in Rome before any kids.
Look at the way he's looking at you.
Exactly.
That's my point.
Okay, so is that all you need from me? I'm just gonna get going.
No.
Can you stay for dinner? Or maybe for the next couple days.
We could have a girls' week.
I would love to, but I actually have my WNBA tryouts, so I gotta go.
What is W Is that girls' NBA? Yeah.
That's ridiculous, Bridgette.
How tall are you? Oh, well, I'm 5'6", but if I make the That sounds like a thing I'm just I can't even move.
I can't do anything.
What about Elsa or Ida? Want me to call them? Where are they? Elsa's not even here.
She's home with the "flu.
" And Ida is around, but that's not a friend like you are.
Thank you.
- Ow.
- Oh, sorry.
- I'm choking.
Okay - I'm sorry.
Just I'm so alone, and it's really scary.
Well, how 'bout I check on you after? - Oh, would you do that? - Yeah.
What time? Uh, just, like, later.
Like, ballpark time? Seven or eight or nine.
How 'bout Seven would be great.
Promise? - Okay, I promise.
- Oh, thank you.
- Okay.
- Tell me one thing honestly.
How does it look? Just like the picture.
Ha, feeling chipper Mind among the stars, flirting with the big dipper Oh, take your time, bro.
Yo, bro, man, just give me five minutes, bro.
I haven't seen Natalie in mad long, bro.
Natalie Andrews? You gonna drive all the way to Holyoke for a three? Yo, that's mad fucked up.
Yo, she's a three, bro.
Yeah, but she a super freak, so she gotta be a seven off that.
She got a super big-ass head.
[SCOFFS.]
But yo you sure you want to see your moms? - What's that supposed to mean? - My fault, bro.
I just know she's always messing with your head, dude.
That's all, bro.
No, she doesn't.
I love my mom.
She needs me, bro.
Yeah! Now I'm ready.
Looking good! You still ugly.
Yo, you need a clove, yo.
One of those leads to something else, man.
You weak, man.
You weak.
That shirt is weak, you Rico Suave-looking motherfucker.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING.]
Come on, you motherfucker.
You buy it, you buy it, you know it, you buy it We both know what we want Look at you so dangerous, smokin' hot Someone like you can do anything you ever want You walk in and I'm out for the count Unconditional love Take me down, knock me out Kiss me now but don't promise me 'Cause you're breaking every heart you see And I'm in pieces, I'm the fool I should be telling you get the heck out Excuse me.
Hi, uh, Bridgette Bird for the tryouts.
Can you sign this waiver and head down the hall to Bracket 1.
Bracket 1.
The top tier, huh? No, that's just the court number.
You better hurry.
Okay, thank you.
[BALLS BOUNCING, SHOES SQUEAKING.]
[RHYTHMIC DRIBBLING.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
[WHISTLE BLOWS.]
Pass-and-go drill.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[WOMAN.]
You got this.
- All right! - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
Nice finger roll.
- Okay.
- [BLOWS WHISTLE.]
Jump shots.
Jump shots, all right.
Oh.
Okay.
Yeah.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- Nice! - That's what I'm talking about.
That's all right, that's all right.
You'll get the next one.
You ever heard of BEEF? Excuse me? Balance, Eyes, Elbow, Follow-Through.
- No.
- Oh, yeah, you should try it.
Awesome.
I don't like the dentist at all.
I know a lot of people don't, you know? They have fear of the dentist.
It's an actual phobia.
I don't even know how many times you're supposed to floss or how many cavities I I don't even know the last time I was in a dentist's office.
Dr.
Wong will be right in, okay? - Nice talking to you.
- You too.
- Okay.
- Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Oh, God.
[GENTLE PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
Okay.
Let's, um [SIGHS.]
How I found you on Yelp.
- You did? - Yeah.
You have a lot of support there from people.
Yeah, well, uh - How are you? - I'm good.
- Okay.
- And how are you? - I'm great.
- Yeah? I saw some photos in your your office here.
- Yeah.
- Who-who-who is that? Well, that's that's the missus.
Twenty-five years.
Three kids.
- Hmm.
- Five grandkids.
Wow.
You? Uh - I'm divorced.
- Oh.
I'm with someone now who's real great and Mm-hmm.
I have two children, a son I never see and, uh, a daughter I see too much.
[CHUCKLES.]
She has the most the most beautiful baby I've ever seen.
You look the same.
Really? - Really.
- Oh.
It's you.
Yeah.
[MOANS SOFTLY.]
- Oh, Edmond.
- Yes.
Edmond.
What? What? Could you turn off the lights? - Right.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- Is that okay? - Yeah.
Is that okay? [CHEERFUL MUSIC.]
[BOTH MOANING.]
Edmond I'm sorry I'm so fat.
No.
[MOANS.]
Oh, Edmond.
[MOANING.]
[WHISTLE BLOWS.]
Let's go, D.
Oh! Foul.
That was a that was a technical foul.
Yeah.
[INDISTINCT.]
- [WOMAN.]
That's it, that's it! - [CHEERING.]
- Try that again.
- Okay, I will.
- All right, all right.
- I'm gonna score on you.
- Do it again.
- Got some moves now.
- [WOMAN.]
Ohh! - [CHEERING.]
- You just dunked.
- Yeah, sure did.
[WOMAN.]
That's what I'm talking about! - Can you dunk? - Mm.
- Can you dunk? - Mm-hmm.
[MAN.]
Pass-and-go drill.
Pass-and-go drill.
[WOMAN.]
Check up.
[DOG BARKING.]
Pick me up at six, all right? Tell me again.
I keep forgetting.
No, for real, dog.
Like, actually six.
Not Carlos six.
[HUMMING.]
Speaking Spanish [DOG BARKING OUTSIDE.]
[BARKING CONTINUES.]
[PHONE BUZZES.]
[DOGS BARKING, PANTING.]
Come on, come on.
Come here.
[DOG WHIMPERING.]
Hey, Quesito.
Come here.
You gotta take your pill.
Come here, come here.
You gotta take your medicine, buddy.
Mama said you don't like it without peanut butter, huh? Mama said I got to give you this.
And I'll let you in on a little secret.
If you chew it up before you swallow it, it works best.
What? Princess Nokia's "Bart Simpson" playing Rotten apple to the core Damn I been a fuck-up Getting picked for last in gym I can't even do a layup Oh! Okay.
I'm okay.
Can I get a sub? [MAN.]
Finish it up.
Do it again.
Am I bleeding? Yeah, there's a medic by the sign-in tables.
Oh, it's okay.
It's a bloody nose, it's fine.
You know, I've seen what I need to see for the day.
You should go get that nose checked out.
What? I've seen what I need to see for today.
- Get that nose checked out.
- Oh, no, I'm not done.
I'll get I'll get right back in there.
No, no, no, I got what I need, trust me.
It's okay.
Keep your head up, keep your head up.
You keep your head up, and maybe you woulda seen how much skill I have.
I saw what you could do, and that was enough.
No, you haven't seen half of what I can do.
I am very skilled.
Look how fast Look.
Look how fast I am.
Listen to me, stop.
Stop, listen to me.
It is over.
You're not good enough to make the WNBA.
- I'm sorry.
- You don't know that.
All right, I gotta get back to this.
I was the best player at my high school.
Must not have been a good high school.
If my dad hadn't died I mean, do you think we could have? I mean it was such a hard time.
It all worked out though, didn't it? Well, listen, Edmond.
Next time, get me a bed.
I'm too old to be doing it in a chair.
Two halves.
One Blaze Foley's "If I Could Only Fly" plays I feel so good And then I feel so bad I wonder what I ought to do If I could only fly [POUNDING ON DOOR.]
If I could only fly I'd bid this place good-bye Rafi, what are you doing here? I fucked up.
What? I fucked up.
I need a confession.
Okay, sit down.
I was worried.
You missed the meeting.
What's going on, brother? A lot of shit, man.
Yeah? I didn't get Bridge her lemons.
I didn't help Nelson finish the dresser.
My mom is back with fuckface Nick.
Hey, hey, hey, man.
Slow down.
You know, I'm trying to do the right thing.
I'm trying to live right.
It's like I'm just a fucked-up person.
No, hey, you are perfect.
I'm just like my fucking father.
- I'm fucking stupid! - You were made in God's image, and you are perfect, okay? And you are a good person.
And you're loved.
Really? You're beautiful.
You really think I'm a good person? Okay.
Blaze Foley's "If I Could Only Fly" plays Another sinking sun One more lonely night If I could only fly If you could only fly If we could only fly There'd be no more lonely nights You okay, Colleen? I'm all right, Joe.
Something's bugging you.
[JOE.]
Hey, Bridge.
- Your loser daughter's home.
- [TUTU.]
Hmm.
My freakin' diabetes compression.
Here are your keys.
Where's Larry? - Upstairs sleeping.
- Mm.
What happened to you? - Life.
- Hmm.
You hungry? 'Cause I could, like, not heat up that gazpacho for you, you know? I mean, it's nine o'clock.
You haven't eaten all day.
- Oh, shit.
- What? I need to borrow your car again.
- For what? - I gotta go to Ally's.
- I told her I'd check on her.
- Now? Yeah, now.
Fuck.
She's all alone kinda.
I've been waiting here all alone all day to talk to you.
I mean, for hours.
- Well, you wanna come with me? - Yeah.
- You're driving.
- Okay.
[LOW MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO.]
Edmond had his tattoo removed.
He erased me, Bridge.
- I'm sorry, Mom.
- Hmm.
That sucks.
Yeah, well, I gave him a really shitty Yelp review.
Yeah, you get 'em.
I did.
That's all I can do.
You know, I worried for a long time that I was all done downtown, you know? It's like the Sahara Desert there, but apparently Cousin Gina is alive and well.
It's working.
Doing it in a dental chair is not what you thought Okay, I'm not the person.
Okay, that's all I'm saying.
I'm done.
Okay, I'm done.
That idiot walking in the fucking street.
They cut me today.
Eh.
I'm sorry, honey, you know? But at least you went and you tried, and that's that's the point.
- No.
- Mm.
- I sucked it up.
- No, honey.
Yeah.
It was fucking delusional.
Well, sweetheart, you have a really wonderful quality about you.
Sometimes you can act like a little kid, and I gotta tell you, honey, it's sort of sweet.
You do.
[SIGHS.]
I just Just want a purpose.
- You have a purpose.
- What? Beautiful little Larry.
- Yeah, I know I have Larry.
- That's a purpose.
That's not what I'm talking about.
What are you talking about? Something for me.
You know? Yeah, I do know that, babe.
And you know what? You'll figure it out.
It makes me nauseous thinking about being your age, having not done anything with my life.
You think I haven't done anything with my life? - It's different.
- Why is it different for me? - You're fine doing that.
- Doing what? Being all that, making recipes from The Chew.
You're happy doing what you do.
I wouldn't be happy doing what you do.
That's why it would make me nauseous.
You're making me sick right now hearing you talk to your mother that way.
Yeah, just do me a favor, when we get there, no talking.
- For real? - Yeah, you zip it up.
All right, I'll zip it up.
Hey, Ally.
How you feeling? It's 9:15.
My pus bag's overflowed.
I'm so sorry, I had to pick my mom up on the way.
- Oh, hi, Corrine.
- Colleen.
- Colleen.
- Colleen! Come snuggle.
You don't look as bad as Bridge said.
She said you looked like you got hit by a bus.
Well, you know, it's what we do for love.
Hey, guys, I DVR'd Scandal.
Will you watch it with me? "Shut it down.
" That's my Olivia Pope.
"Shut it down now.
" Oh, that's a nice one too.
- Mom.
- "Shut it down now.
" - Ally.
- "Shut it down now.
" Mom, we should probably get going.
- She said cuddle.
- Yeah, come cuddle.
Come on, Bridge, let's slide down and watch Scandal together.
And the sheets are so nice.
Thank you.
They're made out of bamboo.
Look what I did for love there, Ally.
- Can you see it? - I can't really move my head.
I'm having some work done too, I think, right? - What is that? - It's a tattoo.
It's a heart.
Oh, I know somebody who could just zap it right off of you.
- It would hurt, though.
- Everything hurts.
How much would it cost? A fucking fortune.
Ma, you want to see something gross? - No, not really.
- Which thing? Can I just show the belly? She's got two holes in her stomach.
Be very gentle.
It's very hurting.
- Okay, I'll be very gentle.
- It's very hurting.
- What are you show - Ohh, don't touch it! - Oh, God, Bridgette.
- Don't touch it! Don't oh, please.
That is so wrong.
- Bridgette! Bridgette! - It's so wrong! - You [STAMMERS.]
- Shh, it's starting.
Oh, here it goes.
[GENTLE FOLK MUSIC.]
When the stars light the darkest sky I can feel myself Being carried home By the universe Shh-shh-shh.
Its songs are filled with love - Rafi? - Yeah.
I used the spare key.
Sorry I didn't get you lemons.
It's okay.
It wouldn't have helped.
- You're so warm.
- Shh.
Just go to sleep.
[DOG WHIMPERS.]
Hang on, what Is this a fucking puppy? [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
- Don't wake up Larry.
- Okay.
The fuck did you do? [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Feel good, feel good, feel fine Oh such a lovely daze Feel good, feel good, feel fine Ohh Such a lovely