SMILF (2017) s01e08 Episode Script

Mark's Lunch & Two Cups of Coffee

1 [YOUNG BRIDGE] Hey, Grandma? My dad touched my vagina.
Love you too.
Bye.
[SOFTLY] Good job.
You ready for your next call? Yeah? [DIAL TONE] [BRIDGE] Hey, Aunt Mo.
My dad touched my vagina.
Yeah, I'd love to get tacos.
Hey, Coach Hughes? Yeah, I've been practicing my jump shot.
Also, my dad touched my vagina.
Hi, Lizzie! I'm excited for your birthday party too.
[TUTU] Lizzie's seven.
Are you sure this is a good idea? Having abuse victims tell their stories is the best way for them to recover - and lead a normal life.
- [BRIDGE] No - no - [THERAPIST] It's okay.
My dad touched my vagina.
[SLINKY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC] - I'm on a journey - Wake up, Mom.
- Hm? - Well, I got no time Mm Wake up, Mom.
Mm Wake up, Mom! I'm up.
I'm up.
Guess what today is.
We get to move back home.
- Can I have a kiss? - Yes.
Muah! Okay, let's get you dressed.
I'm on my way I've got a home, oh, yes, just over yonder - Thank you.
- And I ain't got time To stop today Don't you hinder me, my brother - Cause I got my eyes - [BRIDGE] Morning, Nance.
On the heavenly goal [BRIDGE] Hi, yes, this is Ms.
Bird.
I'm calling from ACM.
We are a collections agency.
I'm calling about your overdue payment from May 2015 to a Brigham and Women's Hospital.
Yes, I know.
It sucks.
You know, just get out there and live your life.
Don't worry about paying us.
Okay, bye.
Morning break, chica! [CLICKING TONGUE] [KIT-CAT] So what happened with the hair? Oh, Larry, he-he broke into a tow yard, so I had to climb in and crawl under this fence, and then my hair got stuck on the fence and I had to break it free with broken glass, but then I found him sitting on a toilet.
Oh.
Well, should I do bangs, maybe? - That'll help? - [MAGGIE] Get a lob.
- [KIT-CAT] Lob, yeah.
- [BRIDGE] What's a lob? Well, everyone's getting them right now.
Khloé Kardashian, Kylie Jenner.
- "Lob"? - [MAGGIE] "Lob.
" - Like - [MAGGIE] It's like "lob the ball.
" That's all you have to remember.
- Okay.
- [MAGGIE] First, we're gonna - take a profile picture.
- Profile pic! [MAGGIE] Okay, so maybe turn your head to the right.
Yeah turn to the right a little more.
- To the right.
- [KIT-CAT] It's just not I think it's the hair.
Maybe you could put - Put your arm up.
- arm, arm up.
Not like a sniff-the-pit thing.
Like how you would lean on a wall.
Yeah, that side.
Okay, great! [KIT-CAT] Yeah, that's actually quite nice.
- Okay, cheese.
- [KIT-CAT] Look at that.
[MAGGIE] Okay, this is your Tinder profile.
- He's cute.
- Quite fun though, - isn't it? - Not cute.
- [MAGGIE] It's so fun - No.
- [MAGGIE] No, yes - No.
No.
No no no Sometimes it's good to even just lower your standards a little bit.
- No no no.
- [ELECTRONIC POP MUSIC] - No.
- I'd give you the world - No no - Just to get a piece - No no - Of you - no - [LARRY] Why you say no? - You say yes! - Look at him.
No.
- Yeah.
- [LARRY] No, no, no.
Nope.
Me no like that one.
Nope.
- No.
- I'd come in second place Just to be right next to you Oh, my God.
No.
Oh, shit.
Dad? [TUTU] Augusto, it's beautiful.
- [AUGUSTO] Thank you.
- [TUTU] Really.
[AUGUSTO] I'm glad you like it.
[TUTU] Okay, Bridge, you're up.
- You know I love that.
- [TUTU] You're up.
- [BRIDGE] Okay.
Move.
- [ITALIAN OPERA PLAYING] [AUGUSTO] Okay.
She's gonna love it.
I know, I know, I know.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
Your hair looks the exact same, Mom.
No, you don't even know how different it feels, Bridgette.
Okay, so see, this is what happened.
I got my hair stuck in a fence, and, um - [CHUCKLING] - [MOCKINGLY] Ha-ha-ha.
Um, I just I would like a "ball.
" - A ball? - Yeah, a ball.
Like Khloé Kardashian.
A ball.
Yeah mean a bowl? That's what I said.
A ball-a.
Well, that doesn't seem very you.
- [TUTU] Bridgette.
- What? Augusto is an artist.
He knows what to do.
- [BRIDGE SIGHS] - And be careful with her because she's tender-headed.
MOM, QUESTION: does my dad still, uh, live in South America? Or did he move back? Oh, my God, there's a stain on this Jaclyn Smith collection cruise wear.
- No there's not.
- Yeah, I'm gonna go throw this in the wash.
I'll be right back.
Does this guy look like me? - A little bit.
- That's what I thought.
[CARLOS] Champagne, my morning drink Mami chulas in my bed, giving head Go head, right before I blink Brain so good a motherfu' can't think Straight Henny poured on my brand-new mink [CHUCKLES] Sober living.
I don't wanna be stuck here Fuck fear We gonna get rich off of BOTH: Nut beer [LAUGHING] Let 'em know I meant every word I'm buying that big house for Bridgette and Larry Bird Let me stick to the rapping.
Your shit corny, bro.
[LAUGHING] I know, man.
[GROANING] Fuck.
Kitchen duty, yo.
Don't worry about that.
Let's-let's finish.
Let's finish.
Come on.
You missed check-in.
They gonna throw your ass out of here.
Fuck that.
I'm too old to be living in this dorm room anyway.
We both are.
Cut the bullshit, bro.
Meet me downstairs.
I'll meet you down there.
[HANDS SLAP] [BITTERSWEET WHISTLING MELODY] [SIGHS] - [KNOCKING] - [BRIDGE] Hi.
Sorry we're late.
It's okay.
What the fuck is your hair? Oh, I got a ball.
I promised him the tablet.
What is a ball? Oh, you know, it's a ball cut.
Do you like it? That looks like a bowl cut to me, Bridge.
I wanted a ball to look like Khloé Kardashian.
No, you wanted a lob.
A lob it's okay, though.
You think they can still turn it into a lob? I think you should just let it grow back.
What's a bowl? Oh, a bowl is the bowl - [ELIZA] A bowl.
- Oh, it is a bowl.
So what's up with you? How's the new job? It's pretty good.
You know, making new friends, and the boss likes me, and I matched my dad on Tinder.
- What? - Yeah.
[LAUGHS] I was like, "No, no, no, no, no," and boom, there he was.
[CHUCKLING WEAKLY] It was crazy.
[STAMMERS] That is that is crazy.
- Mm-hmm.
- You've been looking for your dad your whole life.
What are you gonna do? Um, I'm just gonna ignore it.
I think.
'Cause, you know, everything's going so smoothly.
I don't wanna jinx it.
- [SIGHS] - Are you okay? Yeah, it's just so weird that it happened now.
- Yeah.
- You know, 'cause I got my new job, and this cool new haircut, and I got my apartment back, and just, like [EXHALES] Everything's going so smoothly.
- Bridge.
- What? You need to talk? We can talk.
- What? No.
- We can talk about whatever.
What are you doing that face for? That therapist face.
I know a therapist face when I see it, and you're [CHUCKLES] It's a concerned friend face.
I'm just gonna you know, I'm feeling tired.
I meant to tell you this earlier.
You know you can just stay here.
You can spend the night.
Yeah, you know what? I just gotta wake up early.
I'm just gonna go.
I'm good.
Bridge, I made salad.
Just stay.
No, I got this new job.
I need my sleep.
Are you sure you don't wanna just stay the night? Um I guess we could stay the night.
You know what, I'm just gonna I just wanna be in my own bed.
- Okay.
- [BRIDGE] All right.
- Bridge? - Yeah? Are you sure you're okay? Yeah, never been better.
Bye! Text me when you get home, please.
- Okay, see you tomorrow.
- [DOOR CLICKS SHUT] [PLAYFUL WHISTLING TUNE] [JOE] Where's my sub? Oh, honey, we're not doing subs.
You remember? Come on.
We're doing salads, all the way through our cruise.
We gotta look good in our bathing suits, Joe.
I-I-I can't go on this cruise with you.
Oh, yeah? Why's that? You heard what Dr.
Hartman said.
Dr.
Hartman is an asshole, okay? He also said you would not be able to talk, and look at you, honey, talking with me.
What would I even do on a cruise? You could sit in your room and watch TV just like you do here, only on a cruise, Joe.
I'll be fine by myself.
I-I got that Life Alert necklace thing if anything goes wrong.
I don't know where it is I don't even wanna go without you, Joe.
- Come on.
- Look.
I'm old, I'm falling apart.
I-I just don't think my body can handle it.
Joe, you're gonna love it.
You're gonna stand right at the top of the ship and go, "I'm king of the world!" - Okay? - [CHUCKLES] Okay.
Okay.
- "I'm king of the world.
" - That's it! [SUSAN] You need to call him again.
[KIT-CAT] All right, call him again and then report back to you.
- [SUSAN] Absolutely.
- All right, got it.
Good morning, chica.
Oh, shit, that's an overcorrection.
[LAUGHS] - Oh, thank you.
- How's Tinder? Oh where'd you get the doughnut? Break room.
Jan left a bunch of them.
It's my second one already, but whatever.
Diet starts tomorrow.
[LAUGHS] Calories don't count on a Friday.
I love you so much.
[LAUGHS SHARPLY] [SERIOUSLY] I love you too.
All right.
Back to it.
Okay.
Sweets for my sweet Sugar for my honey Your tasty kiss Thrills me so Sweets for my sweet Sugar for my honey - I'll never ever - [LIPS SMACKING] Let you go If you wanted that star that shines so brightly Yeah, yeah, yeah To match that star that's in your eyes - [KIT-CAT] Bridge? - [SUSAN] Bridgette? [EXHALES] [FOOTSTEPS, DOOR SNAPPING SHUT] [KIT-CAT] Oh, yep, I can see her shoes.
- Oh, hi.
- [KIT-CAT] Hey, you okay? Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
How are you? [SUSAN] We're good.
What are you doing? - Susan? - Yes.
We have lots of work to do, dear.
Come on.
[KIT-CAT] Susan was just looking for you.
Oh.
Coming right out.
Hi, guys.
- [SUSAN] Hi.
- Hi.
Shit, Bridge.
Um Hi, Bridgette.
Are those Maggie's cupcakes? I got them for her as a surprise for her birthday today.
Well, they didn't have a name on them, so - Here, you can have them back.
- Okay.
Uh, you were looking for me? Yeah, you have a whole sheet of calls to make.
I'm sorry.
I was just, um [BELCHES] You know what, I'm actually feeling super sick.
- [SUSAN] Mm-hmm.
- Uh, is it okay if I just make up for them and do them tomorrow? I should just go home.
- Yeah, okay, yeah, sure.
- I think that might be a a good idea.
But I promise I'll do them tomorrow.
Tomorrow, whole sheet.
Okay.
Bye.
- [SUSAN] Bye.
- I'm just gonna finish washing my hands.
Don't wanna poop and not wash your hands.
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT] [SOFTLY] Fuck.
[CASEY] Oh, that feels so good.
I'm so happy you called.
I missed you so much.
Yeah, oh, my God, my filthy little garbage pussy.
- Uh, what? - Yeah? Yeah? My little trash pussy? Yeah? Yeah? I don't think you have a trash pussy.
No, it's a trash pussy.
[RHYTHMICALLY] Beat the pussy up.
Beat it up, beat it up! Beat it.
I said beat it.
I'm you're putting me to sleep.
I think it's beaten.
How hard should I I don't wanna hurt you.
[SIGHS] Just grab my fat ass.
My fat, saggy, hairy ass.
You're-you're not hairy.
It's hairy on the inside.
- What? - Yeah.
Slap my dirty, hairy ass.
- Slap it? - Harder.
- Harder? - You weak little bitch.
- Harder.
- Shh! - I think your kid is - What? Your kid's gonna hear you.
What the fuck did you just say? Your ki I don't think You're the kid.
I don't I just don't think your kid should hear his mom talking like that.
Okay, I don't need advice from you, okay? You're just a dumb little rich kid.
What? You're just a spoiled little rich kid.
Now get the fuck out of my house.
That's not nice to say to me.
Oh, are you gonna cry about it? - No.
- Just get out, Casey.
Are you okay? No, I'm not okay or you wouldn't be here.
Just Just get the fuck out.
[CHEERY WHISTLING MUSIC] [KNOCKING] [REGINA] Come in.
[SIGHS] Eliza, your catastrophe's here.
[ELIZA] Bridge? I have to do it.
[BRIDGE] I just feel like if I don't do this, I'll be a mess forever.
Bridge, this is a unique opportunity for you to confront that fucker face-to-face.
Exactly.
I've never done that.
And then I'll get my shit together.
But how? Mariska.
She would put his ass right in jail.
- Hmm, yeah.
- Yeah.
- I gotta put his ass in jail.
- Yup.
Well, why didn't your mom do this years ago when she had grounds? I don't know.
It was a hard time for her.
She remembered her own abuse and then she just got in bed for a year.
Mm, your shit made her lose her shit.
- [BRIDGE] Mm-hmm.
- Don't you have any happy stories to talk about? [EXHALES] Okay, so what do we do? You know what? Let's Robert Durst his ass.
And secretly record his confession! Yeah! - BOTH: Yeah! - [BRIDGE] All right.
That's exactly what we should do.
- Yeah, I know.
- No, that would never happen.
That-that's not how it works.
Why are you always ruining our fun? [GROANS] Regina! Oh, sorry, I'll just shut up.
I'm only a lawyer.
- What do I know? - [BRIDGE] Wait, stop.
Explain yourself.
[SIGHS] Well, the statute of limitations are out, and you have to take him to court within three years.
18 years too late.
I love how your brain can just do the math that fast.
[REGINA] But you-you can bring a civil case against him.
Uh, you have 35 years to do that.
Thank you, pedophile priests of Boston.
What, what, pedophile priests.
Our plan is back on track.
Okay, but you will need to have the recording device in plain sight, otherwise it's near impossible - to get a conviction.
- "Near"? I like those odds.
- Damn good odds.
- Damn good odds.
Ready? - All right.
- [ELIZA] All right.
Larry, you got my phone? Mm.
[HAND CLAPPING MUSIC] - Did you match yet? - No, he didn't.
- I don't understand.
- Remember, it's not you.
It's him.
He's fucked up.
It's a date with your dad, so it's all fucked up.
[GASPS] He did it.
- No.
- He wants to date me.
- No way! - He says he likes me.
Oh, I knew he wouldn't let you down! - [ELIZA] This is great! - [LAUGHS] - [SQUEALS] - Okay, he's typing.
He says, "Do you wanna have dinner tonight?" Well, say yes, say yes, say yes! Okay.
Oh, my gosh! I'm going on a date with my dad! - Yay! - [BOTH LAUGH] So gross! - But yay! - Yay! So excited.
And gross.
Gross as fuck.
[BRIGHT DOO-WOP MUSIC] [BRIDGE] What does one wear on a date with your dad? Shirt, pants, slacks? I don't fucking know.
This is the most important night of my life.
It's kind of sexy.
Absolutely the fuck not.
- [AS LITTLE GIRL] Hi, Daddy.
- Okay, Bridge You got me walking in circles Talking aloud A little satin? Satin action? - No.
- What if I button it up? 'Cause I don't wanna give him the wrong idea.
[AS LITTLE GIRL] Oh, Daddy, it's so good to see you.
[CHUCKLES] Anything that you want me to Hm no? Open your eyes.
Hey, Dad.
Wanna go play some ball? Don't do that.
Oh, you want me to take it off? Oh, Daddy, it's so nice to see you again.
[IN GRUFF VOICE] It's good to see you too, baby girl.
Do I look like a Disney princess? What Disney movies are you fuckin' watching? - Purple pants? - Okay.
That's where I draw the line.
You're not gonna be able to find anything.
- Bridge.
- What? I forgot about this one.
I know you did.
Go-go put it on.
Or put it on here.
I don't care what you do.
[EXHALES CONTENTEDLY] Okay, this is it.
That'll do, pig.
That'll do.
[INHALES, EXHALES] [LOW, DISCORDANT RINGING] [ECHOING] Bridge? Bridge? Hello? [FINGERS SNAPPING] I don't know if I can do this alone.
I think I need my mom.
Are you sure? Tutu? [SIGHS SHARPLY] No, I'm making it good.
It is good.
It's still kind of all messed up.
It looks fine.
I'm glad you put it up like that, honestly.
[GROANS] I can't believe I did that to my hair.
Get out of the car.
You're stalling.
- Okay, I'm going.
- Yeah.
You look gorgeous.
Stunning.
Okay.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Thanks, baby.
You's a ten.
A ten? Twelve, on a good day.
- Oops! - [ELIZA] Oh! Oh! - Are you okay? - Oh, no, I'm fine.
It's the heels.
- Ma? - [TUTU] What? Why are you holding five shampoos? Listen, if you're not here to help - [BOTTLE THUDS] - Sh do not talk to me.
Okay, here, I got it.
I actually, uh, do wanna talk to you about something.
Yeah, well not now, Bridge.
I got so much to pack tonight.
We leave first thing in the morning.
Joe? Don't forget to pack your meds! - [JOE] Doing it! - He has been useless to me.
Absolutely not helping.
Ma, I think you need to calm down.
Don't you tell me to calm down.
Okay, forget it.
It's okay.
- Forget it.
- Okay, what? What? What? Just remember the other day, when I was showing you the photo? - Trying to show you - No, I don't, Bridgette.
- I don't.
- The photo.
- You know, of Richard? - No.
Okay, well, I'm I'm going to meet him tonight, and I'm gonna get him to confess.
- Richard who? - My dad.
Yeah, I'm going to meet him.
I'm gonna get him to confess.
I found him online.
Well, it's a bad idea.
I thought maybe you might just come with me or something.
You're not gonna get him to confess.
He didn't do it when you were little.
He's not doing it now.
Okay.
Yeah, I'll just go by myself.
Oh, yeah, good for you.
The martyr Bridgette.
Well, have fun on your fucking cruise.
Don't you talk to me like that.
- With your disabled boyfriend.
- Bridgette.
Who doesn't wanna go anyway.
You know what? You're a bitch, Bridgette! Oh, yeah? Well, you're a fucking cunt! Don't you call me that! Cunt! Cunt, cunt, cunt! Get the hell out of my house! Come on! [CLICKING TONGUE] Quesito! - [NELSON LAUGHING] - Quesito! - Hey, asshole.
- Hey, Eliza.
- How are you? - I'm good, thanks.
- Hi, Nelson.
- Hello! - Good job.
- [ELIZA] Bye, Larry! - You're so strong.
- [RAFI] Come get me! Go get Dada! Go get him! - Aww.
- Come here, buddy.
- [BRIDGE SIGHS] - [NELSON] You look so nice.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
You going on a date, or - Yeah, kind of.
- Finally.
- I know.
- I'm so happy for you! - Thank you.
- Yay! I should be back by your curfew.
If I'm not, can you just watch him? It probably won't be very late.
Yeah, well, actually really great news Rafi just graduated sober living.
[LARRY GIGGLING] What he graduated? What do you mean you graduated? I figured it out.
I-I moved in with Nelly.
Yeah, it basically just happened.
You need to pee? Yeah! Okay.
- [INDISTINCT] - You moved in here? Yeah.
Um, are you okay? - Come on.
- No, Rafi.
- Come on.
I'm good.
- I'm about to leave Larry here.
I need to know you're okay.
I'm good, all right? I promise.
- 'Cause you can tell me.
- I would tell you.
I'm telling I'm good.
Okay.
- Well, happy graduation.
- Thank you.
That's exciting news.
Okay, well hi, Quesito! Hi, baby! Hi! You got so big! - Hi! - You met Quesito? Oh, yeah.
I mean, he's just the sweetest.
Ah.
Um okay.
Have fun on your date.
I guess that means he's sleeping here.
I'll pick him up in the morning? - Yeah, I - [LARRY] Yes no, don't! - It's all right, I got him.
- Okay, okay.
- It's, uh, it's gonna be good.
- Bye, Nelson.
So when did Bridgette meet Quesito? [RAFI] It's not a big deal, baby.
You're not getting jealous, are you? [NELSON] It's not about jealousy.
[JAZZY MUSIC] - He should be here by now.
- He should be here.
- Are you good? - Mm-hmm.
[PEANUT CRUNCHING LOUDLY] - Oh, where'd the peanut go? - Bridge? I really hate the way you eat peanuts.
Oh, there we go.
Got one.
Relax.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Mm-hmm.
I'm okay.
Yeah-yeah.
I'm okay.
I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.
You're making me nervous as shit.
I am? [MUFFLED] That's so sweet.
That's so sweet.
It's like pregnancy nervous-y.
And it's like by proxy.
It's, um [EXHALES HEAVILY] I'm gonna get I'm gonna go, um, ask for more peanuts.
I'll be right back.
- Get me another whiskey? - Okay, I love you.
Love you.
Hi, sir, uh, do you have any peanuts? - Extra peanuts for me? - [NELSON] Bridgette.
- We need to talk.
- What are you doing here? Rafi told me all about your little sleepover.
Look, you and I are supposed to be teammates.
It's not a big deal.
He's like my brother, honestly.
Look, I know I seem perfect, but I'm not.
This is really hard for me.
You and Rafi have a strong bond, and I'm just trying to figure out to, like, - find a way to put it.
- It's him, it's him.
What are you doing? What is going on? What, what, what? Oh, my God, he's here.
It's my dad.
- What? - He's here.
- Your Dad - Shh! Don't look.
- What is going on? - I'm hooking up with my dad to get him to confess that he incested me.
Wait, you really don't seem like the kind of person that happens to.
How old were you? - Uh, six or seven, maybe? - Oh, my goodness.
How many times did that happen? Yeah, I have a couple memories, but, you know, who knows? Block that shit out.
Oh, well, maybe this is good.
I mean, maybe it'll help you to heal - and with healing, you know? - I don't actually think I can do this.
Um Um, does any anyone have a cigarette? - Here you go.
- Oh, thank you so much.
I'm just gonna borrow the pack.
Okay.
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
Don't tell me Bridgette's dad got you too.
- Ma? - [TUTU] Yeah? What are you doing here? Here.
- What is this? - Read it.
It's a letter you wrote when you were a sophomore in high school, when you were in the hospital for that therapy thing.
- You kept this? - I did.
I found it when Joe moved in.
I thought, you know, if you ever wanted to find him and and now you do.
You didn't read my other journals, did you? - I did.
- Ugh Sometimes I wish that I had a therapist like you did, you know? Making you make all those calls, then I'd probably be better off.
I'd be able to be out in the world like you are.
[CHUCKLES] Ma, it doesn't matter anyways, 'cause I'm chickening out.
You know, I tried to have him arrested, Bridgette.
I swear I did, but nobody would help me then, and you know, when they told me what they would've had to put you through, I couldn't do it.
He's the only one I didn't call.
[PATRONS CHATTERING, PIANO PLAYING] - [NELSON] Hi! - [ELIZA] Hey.
- My mom's here.
- [ELIZA] Oh, hey, Tutu.
- [NELSON] Hello! - Yeah, hi, hi.
- Okay, bye, I'm gonna go now.
- [TUTU] Okay.
Okay.
Are you okay? - Yeah.
- Okay.
- Richard? - [CHUCKLES] Bridgette.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi.
[CHUCKLES] Uh, do you want a drink? Uh, I've got one.
Would you like a drink? - Oh, I'm okay.
- Yeah.
I'm just gonna put this right here, in plain sight.
Okay.
Yeah.
Um, I just wanna read you this letter.
"You denied it from the beginning.
You made me feel wrong for telling you the truth.
You were my favorite parent, and you took care of me, and we had bagels and lox on Sundays, and I'd ride around on your shoulders.
" [SOBS SOFTLY] [SNIFFS] "You were my favorite person.
" And you used me.
My mom was she's a bipolar mess because of what you did.
I was stuck with her.
[SNIFFS] It was so confusing.
I wanted your attention.
But I was seven years old.
" [SOBBING] I'm almost done.
"It was an utter betrayal 'cause you were the person I trusted most in the world.
You were my world.
And you did that.
Why?" I-I'm so sorry, but I think you've made a mistake.
My mom said you would deny it.
No, I-I mean I think you have me confused with somebody else.
I-I don't have any children.
[COLLEEN] Bridge? Bridgette.
Excuse me.
That's not your dad.
- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.
You look just like the picture I was It's not him.
I would know him.
I was married to him for four miserable years.
It's not him.
Hello, sir.
I think there's been a horrible mistake.
I'm sorry.
Uh I should go.
Oh, um just kidding.
[CHUCKLES WEAKLY] But for what it's worth, if I ever met your real father, I'd murder the fucker.
Have a good night.
Oh, honey.
You okay? - [HOARSELY] Yeah, I'm fine.
- Sit.
- Oh, yeah, no big deal.
- You all right? - Yeah.
- God, you did so good, honey.
But that wasn't him, sweetie.
- Oops.
[LAUGHS] - Oh.
Bridge.
It was really great, what you did.
I I just feel a little bit bad what you said about the bipolar stuff.
- I was 16.
- I know, but I'm just it's a little hurtful.
- Let's go drink.
- Let's go drink.
- Let's go drink.
- Okay.
ALL: Cheers! [TUTU] This is to better days - and happy endings.
- [BRIDGE] Yes! [ELIZA] Happy endings! [SWEEPING RENDITION OF RICHARD BERRY'S "LOUIE LOUIE"] Louie, Louie Mm-mm I gotta go Fine little boy He waits for me I caught the ship across the sea I sailed the ship all alone I never thought I'd make it home Louie, Louie Oh-oh, I gotta go [TUTU] We outlasted your pussy friends.
- I know.
- I knew I knew we would.
- Louie, Louie - [LAUGHING] I know.
I need to get home.
- Can you drive us home? - Bridgette, I'm not driving in this condition.
I'm shit-faced.
I'm gonna sleep it off a couple hours.
I gotta I'm gonna walk home then.
Do you want my coat? You didn't bring a coat to this.
- Yeah.
- Why didn't you bring a coat, Bridgette? Here, take my coat so you don't get a cold, sweetheart, okay? And what about take off those stupid heels.
You're not gonna walk home in those.
- Here, take my shoes.
- Thank you, Ma.
Leave your other ones in the car and I'll tomorrow, I'll drop them off.
- Okay.
Thank you.
- All right.
That was a fun night there, Bridgette.
You know what? I'm gonna take you - on a cruise on day.
- You are? - Yeah.
- Baby, can we go on Royal Caribbean? I'm gonna take you to all the Royal Caribbeans.
I seen those commercials! They got a double slide.
- Bye, Ma.
- Love you, Bridgey.
I love you.
See you tomorrow.
Be safe when you're walking! [UPBEAT BIG BAND MUSIC] Be safe when you're walking! Okay.
I love you! Oh, love Will you promise To be mine And I'll be yours When there's roads to go Okay, what we have to do now [GASPS] Wash your body.
Thank you, arm.
Thank you, clean foot.
Only heaven knows Clean the fingers.
One finger, two finger, three finger, four finger.
The house we're gonna move into.
- A farm cat.
- A farm.
Should we have a good day? Yes, we are.
"Yes, we are.
" Okay, give me kisses.
[SMOOCHING] So my little one When you fall in love The sun and the moon Will always shine for you But love is blind [WOMAN] Supahsmaht.