So Random! (2011) s01e11 Episode Script

Kicking Daisies

Hey, folks, your favorite sophomore here, crazy Carson.
For Harrison high's lost 'n found.
It's spring cleaning time.
You know what that means.
Anything unclaimed is yours for the taking.
Anything? Anything! It's all for the low low price.
Of free! How can I stay in business with prices like free? That's why they call me crazy.
You lost it, I found it.
You want it, I got it.
At crazy Carson's lost 'n found! Whatever it is you're looking for, chances are I found it.
You want t-shirts? I got t-shirts T-shirts with ketchup stains, mustard stains, Ink stains, possible blood stains, Chemistry class stains, the-heck-this-is stains.
At crazy Carson's lost 'n found! In the mood for sweat? Don't sweat it.
I got sweatshirts, sweatpants, Sweatbands, sweatsuits and sweat socks All with the original sweat.
And all for the impossibly low price of You lost it.
I found it.
You want it.
I got it.
At crazy Carson's lost 'n found! I've got wet homework in five subjects, A gently used retainer, A "chipmunks: The squeakquel" lunchbox.
Complete with its original "squir-mos" That comes with its original milk, And one vintage petrified swimsuit Size husky! Mix and match and take it all.
You lost it, I found it.
You want it, I got it.
At crazy Carson's lost 'n found.
Crazy Carson's lost 'n found.
I'm crazy! "so random!" it's a party, get down - "so random!" - It's a party, get down "so random!" it's a party, get down shake that, shake that all around ♪ a fantastic journey, a little bit of this and that ♪ ♪ you know we gonna chill, might not come back ♪ so if you're ready, get set 'cause it's time to roll with "so random!" stuff that's out of control surprises flying 'cause life's a riot so ride with us 'cause you need to try it we're on the way, it's time to hang so let's get random and do our thing - come on - It's a party, get down "so random!" it's a party, get down "so random!" it's a party, get down - shake that, shake that all around - "So random!" Give it up for the cast Of "so random!" What's up, everybody? Hey, we've got a great show for you What? What? Hey, we are doing the show open.
No, we're doing the show open.
Well, there's only one way to settle this Good old-fashioned member rickshaw race.
Yes! Hey, I'm a new cast member.
This should be fun.
Ed.
This isn't fun.
Faster! Wow! They're all in Florida? Look out, orange cart! Whoa-whoa! Whoa! Sweet.
It's Damien's time to shine.
We've got a great show for you tonight.
Kicking Daisies is performing.
And best of all, I don't have to pull a rickshaw.
Somebody say rickshaw? Stick around, we'll be right back.
shake that, shake that all around "so random!" come on! - What do we have? - This man collapsed.
Well, we have to call the attending doctor.
You're looking at him.
What?! What are we gonna do? I don't know.
I don't even know what's wrong with him.
I just know it's not good.
Pardon the intrusion.
Who are you? I'm just a simple country boy.
No one knows his story.
No one knows his name.
Oh, but he don't mind.
He's just a I'm just a simple country boy, But my mama always taught me.
That when a man is that color yeller.
And has that swollen an abdomen, He's either eaten a bad piece of possum.
Or he's suffering a severe appendicitis.
But seeing how it's not possum season, I reckon his appendix.
Is about to go pop like a weasel.
What do we do? Well, first, you're gonna make yourself an incision.
Over mcbernie's point.
What is that? Some kind of backwoods watering hole.
Where you left your shoes and shirt? Well, yes, But it's also the spot right in-between.
The anterior superior iliac spine.
And the umbilicus.
Upon entering the peritoneal, Identify the appendix, Mobilize it, ligate it and divide it at the base.
Okay.
Some surgeons choose to bury the stump of the appendix, But like tuesdays at mcbernie's point, It's ladies' choice.
Well, since it's ladies' choice, I say we bury the stump.
Attagirl.
After that, I reckon it's all grits and gravy.
Hey, I think it's working.
Thanks.
I think I must have eaten some bad possum.
Ain't nothing but a mad dog.
On a slow mailman going uphill.
In a hailstorm.
Coming up next on "so random!" This is "project airport runway"! - What are we gonna do? - Pardon the intrusion.
I'm just a simple country boy.
I'm not the one you thought you knew this time the joke is all on you I'll keep my secrets close I'll keep my secrets from you.
"so random!" shake that, shake that all around Air traffic control, this is flight 468.
Making our final approach.
We're clear for landing.
Landing gear down.
Roger that.
It's been a pretty uneventful flight, sir, if I do say so my Oh! Is that a woman walking down the runway? Hello, I'm Heidi klum.
And this is "project airport runway.
" Did she say "project airport runway"? Roger that.
Oh my gosh.
I love that show.
Three models wearing today's top fashions.
Must walk the runway while helping.
To land flight 468.
Coming in from Miami.
468.
She's talking about us.
Heidi klum is talking about us.
Yeah, air traffic control, this is flight 468.
We appear to be caught up in some sort of reality show.
Some of us more than others.
- Heidi.
- Over.
And Fawn.
Anterelle.
- Are you ready? - Roger that.
Then let's get that bird on the ground.
Folks, this is your Captain speaking.
In preparation for landing, we ask that you please fasten your seatbelts, Make sure your tray tables are upright.
- And your bag matches your shoes.
- Stewart! My name is Petra.
I'll be landing this plane.
Wearing a piece from the Jake marcobs fall collection.
Stewart, this is nuts.
A model can't land this plane.
Not in those heels, sir.
That one-shoulder look is working for her.
No, it's not! No, it's not! Pull up! Pull up! Petra, that was a daring fashion statement, But you failed to land the plane.
You are out.
Auf wiedersehen.
Ah ah! Thank you.
This is a one of a kind, extremely rare, Apparently irreplaceable vase.
From the ming dynasty.
- Ooh! - Ooh! Don't touch it.
I don't want anyone touching anything.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, sir.
Oh.
Please don't do that.
Oh no.
Sir, that is priceless China.
Uh-uh.
Who put on music? Gary.
You were in on this? Oh.
Oh my goodness.
Stay away from the irreplaceable My great-grandmother.
The queen gave me that.
It's part of a set.
Oh my stars.
Please don't.
These plates are like my children.
I have no family of my own.
I asked Santa claus for that.
I was gonna give that to my sister on her birthday.
Goodness gracious! Irresponsible behavior.
Irreplaceable.
Oh! Oh! Oh, my plates.
This has been another edition of "so random!"'s Oh my goodness.
Oh! shake that, shake that all around We now return to Wow, that was way too close for comfort.
Speaking of comfort, sir, take a look at what chanterelle is wearing.
My name's chanterelle, and I'll be landing this plane.
Wearing a floral wera vang evening gown.
And 6" pumps! Spring has sprung.
Air traffic control, let's try that approach again.
Got a good feeling about this one, sir.
You're not talking about the landing, are you, Stewart? Guess you see through me like a cheap pair of hose, huh, Captain? Keep her steady.
Keep her steady! Steady.
Pssh.
It's easy for you to say, sir.
She's wearing 6" heels in 30-knot wind.
- Wait.
She's steering us towards her.
- Pull up! Pull up! Chanterelle, your dress was lovely, But your landing attempt.
Was a hot mess.
You are out.
Auf wiedersehen.
Uh-uh.
No kiss for you.
W-what are we gonna do? We got just under two minutes.
This thing's gonna blow.
I don't know.
I never defused a bomb before.
It's just a maze of wires, Explosives and confusion! We're in big trouble, Jim.
Two hours before we retire.
Looks like we'll never get to open up that bed and breakfast.
Pardon the intrusion, Mr.
Officer fellers.
I'm just a simple country boy.
No one knows his story.
No one knows his name.
Oh, but he don't mind.
He's just a I'm just a simple country boy.
But you got a minute? - Right about.
- Right about.
My mama always told me.
That when you're defusing an incendiary device.
- Of this nature - Yes yes? Well, it's a lot like Sunday supper at Uncle lanyard's.
54 seconds! You've gotta know the correct sequence.
In order to prevent detonation.
If you don't want Uncle lanyard to blow, Just don't take away his special lemonade.
Before his eyelids are fully closed.
That makes sense it makes no sense! He gets pretty cranky.
Well, okay.
- In the case of this here bomb - 34 seconds! Think of Uncle lanyard's eyelids.
As this here primer wire, - Which you wanna cut before the reactor wire.
- Okay.
And make sure that powdered magnesium bromide.
Never comes in contact with that copper strip, Or else that bomb will blow faster than you can say.
"Uncle lanyard's waking up!" 15 seconds! - We got a lot of time - Now what was that? Powdered mag - Powdered magnesium bromide.
- Okay, eight seconds, guys.
- Enough with the talking.
- It's this one, right? No, it's not that one! Oh, just kidding.
It's that one.
Oh yeah, it done.
It worked! It worked! Uncle lanyard's still sleeping.
Thank you, simple country boy.
Ain't nothing but a three-legged pig.
In a pantry wearing a hot Sunday dress.
On a cool Tuesday night.
Conclusion toLling - Stewart, how many wings do we have? - Just the one, sir.
What's our fuel situation? We seem to have lost most of it when the engine fell off.
- Okay, let me just process that information.
- Yes, sir.
Okay, we're going down! We're going down! Sir, sir, sir! Pull it together.
Pull it together! Like Fawn pulled together that stunning silk ensemble.
Mmm! This is it, Stewart.
We're not going to get another chance.
Just in case we don't make it, I just wanna tell you Say it, son.
Gray was never the new black.
I have no idea who thought of that.
It's ridiculous.
What? That doesn't help us at all.
That was the scariest moment of my entire career.
As an airline pilot.
I know.
Oh, boy, feels good to be on the ground.
As good as a pair of gabardine slacks.
And a seersucker jacket.
Good for you, sir.
Well done.
See you next week on On in-flight entertainment.
More "random!" fun stick around.
Ht up.
Is the only storeloset That sells hot clothes to cool moms Who are way too old to rock them.
Oh, barf! oh, you'll never know yeah, you'll never know you'll never know.
"so random!" Are you tired of your mom going through your clothes To wear on her girls' night out? - Mom! - I'm going out with the girls tonight! .
Oh, barf! Get her out of your closet and down to Your daughter's closet is the only store That sells hot clothes to cool moms Who are way too old to rock them.
Even I'm too old for that.
Your daughter's closet tween styleshottest As long as you're 'tween the ages of 38 and 47.
And you said it wouldn't look good on me.
It doesn't! Never mind what the kids think.
Ignore the disapproving whispers Of boring moms that have self-respect.
You're still young at heart and short on good judgment.
So squeeze your maturing mom parts back Into the sweet toothpaste tube of youth At your daughter's closet.
Conveniently located just over the hill Between American girdle and old lady Navy.
Bam! Give it up for Kicking Daisies.
something's gotta be wrong with you I can't seem to read your mind is what they say really true or is it just another lie? built up this wall just to tear it down was it worth your time? thanks to you, things are different now and you have turned yourself around how does it feel to be you? you got your eyes closed 'cause all you do is see you but you'll never know I caught myself falling for you I stopped myself from being used I'll keep my secrets close I'll keep my secrets from you I'm not the one you thought you knew this time the joke is all on you I'll keep my secrets close I'll keep my secrets from you all's fair in love and war I'll fight to even up the score the rules are fair, it's do or die but knowing you, you'll never try you lied to me, I'll lie to you that's just what we do I play this game to prove you wrong so I can prove you're not the one hey! how does it feel to be you? you got your eyes closed 'cause all you do is see you but you'll never know I caught myself falling for you I stopped myself from being used I'll keep my secrets close I'll keep my secrets from you I'm not the one you thought you knew this time the joke is all on you I'll keep my secrets close I'll keep my secrets from you oh, you'll never know yeah, you'll never know oh, you'll never know you'll never know oh, you'll never know yeah, you'll never know you'll never know oh, you'll never know I caught myself falling for you I stopped myself from being used I'll keep my secrets close I'll keep my secrets from you I'm not the one you thought you knew this time the joke is all on you I'll keep my secrets close I'll keep my secrets from you oh, you'll never know .
You'll never know oh, oh, you'll never know.
.
Yeah! Yeah! All right! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Come on, guys! Come on, guys! Whoo! All right! All right, all right! Give it up for Kicking Daisies! "so random!" it's a party, get down "so random!" it's a party, get down "so random!" it's a party, get down shake that, shake that all around a fantastic journey, and that it of this you know we gonna chill, might not come back so if you're ready, time to roll it's with "so random!" stuff that's out of control surprises flying 'cause life's a riot so ride with us 'cause you need to try it we're on the way, it's time to hang so let's get random and do our thing it's a party, get down "so random!" it's a party, get down shake that, shake that all around "so random!"