Son of the Beach (2000) s01e09 Episode Script
South of Her Border
The nation of Humidor, cigar storage capital oftheworld, pretty beaches, and pretty senoritas, but behind this lies evil! Aah!Stop! Stop! Stop hitting my brother! I can't take it anymore! Your brother's so-called "yurnalism" stands in the way of my military takeover.
He must die! Please, let him live.
Will you obey my orders? Yes! Yes, anything you want.
Go to my bed and wait.
You are now mywhore.
Kill him anyway.
[Man.]
No! No, no, no, please! General Partagas, Sargento Cohiba, my friends, our country slips away.
There are lootings, murders.
Even "yurnalists" are disappearing! El Presidente, our men are doing everything to catch these fascists! ?Verdad? Si, senor.
The problem only grows worse! We needhelp! And there is only one hombre for this yob-- The man they call El Notcho! Ah, yeah.
Oh, yeah! - That's it.
That's it! - [ Moaning .]
Can you feel it? - Can you feel it? - Yeah.
It's gonna pop! It's gonna pop.
Yeah, come on.
Come on.
Work it out.
Oh, yeah! Yeah! That's it.
That's it.
Now, who wants to try it on me? I'd love to give it toyou, Notch! Okay, Chip, ifyou're up for it, take a crack.
Yeah, that's it.
That's it, yeah.
Good work.
Good work.
Yeah.
Yea-- ow! What was that? Tonight's episode [Announcer.]
No writers were used for this episode of Son of the Beach.
Oh, it's harder than I thought.
Unh! Johnson, you pervert! Kody, hide your eyes! Mayor, I was just demonstrating the-- Johnson, you make me sick.
Not only as a woman, but as the Family Values Mayor.
The Family Values Mayor? That's right.
I'm being profiled by Perfect Family magazine for my tireless promotion of familyvalues.
Excuse me.
This woman is a real mother.
A mother, who, yes, would've preferred a daughter, but a mother nonetheless.
[Mayor.]
Thankyou, Kody.
Besides, this article will ensure mother ofvictory in her next erection.
I mean election.
Now, what says familyvalues more than a junior lifeguard program? But, Mayor Massengil, we already have a junior lifeguard program.
Not the Mayor Anita Massengil junior lifeguard program.
I'm appointing Chip as the instructor.
But, Frau Mayor-- Then it's settled.
Chip, you comewith me.
The rest ofyou, I don't care whatyou do.
Mother, can Chip have dinner at our house tonight? I think I'm going to get something lodged in mythroat.
[El Presidente.]
We fight this war fora landcalled Humidor! Ifyou ask us why, it's Humidor or die! [ Brays .]
Well, I'll be a chili relleno! Notcho! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha.
Gang, say ?Que pasa? to the president of Humidor-- SeymourWinces.
Ooh, a president! Notcho and I are like brothers! We fought side by side in my country's revolution.
I'd just gotten out ofthe old navy, and therewas a gap in my life.
So I filled it byfighting for a banana republic.
Damn, Notch, I learn more aboutyou everyweek! We gave democracy to Humidor by overturning a militaryyenta.
Oh, Notch, don'tyou mean junta? Junta? No.
That's a woman who likes towhine.
Ayenta is a military dictatorship.
Sowhat brings you to Malibu Adjacent, SenorWinces? - Call me Sy.
- Sy? Si.
Say, Sy, how's your sister? - Sue? - Si.
So-so.
Notcho, everything that we fought for in Humidor is about to vamoose! What? Yes! There's murders, kidnappings every day! Mipais, our country needs you! I have only one question.
When? Now! The plane awaits us.
Notch! You're going offto lead some South-Central American revolt? Yeah, Notch, why areyou so revolting? I can't help it.
It's just theway I am.
Notch, ifit's that dangerous, we should gowith you.
It's notyourwar! It's mine.
!Viva la biblioteca! !Andale! Ooh! - Hey! - [ Braying .]
!Vamonos! Guys, I am worried about Notch.
I thinkwe should go down there.
I don't know.
Ifwe go down there, things could get hairy.
How many times has Notch helped us out? I think it's time we paid him back.
Oh, look! Only one mile to go.
Too bad we have to fight somewar.
Humidor has, like, the best spas.
Ooh, yeah! Imagine ifwewere at a spa right now.
[ Gasps .]
Hide me! It's the man! It'll be fine.
Just let me handle it.
Ladies, what brings you to El Humidor? We, uh, we're here forthe spas.
Kimberlee, we don't have time for spas.
We're here to help Notch Johnson.
[ Evil Laughter.]
[CrowdCheering.]
Humidor I giveyou El Notcho! [Wild Cheers.]
!Gracias! !Gracias! Gracias verymuch.
I'm overwhelmed by the thongs of people here today.
You know, my friends, over the years, I've spent many nights in many motels, so as a token of my thanks, I bring you soaps [ Crowd Cheering .]
shampoos [ Cheering .]
and shower caps! [ Cheering .]
So, let me tell you the secret formula for myjunior lifeguard program.
It's one partwater and one part Massengil.
Butwhywouldn't this program be run bytheworld's greatest lifeguard-- Notch Johnson? Areyou in competition with him? No.
I'd love to have Notch.
And just as soon as he gets out ofrehab, he'll be here.
But lookwho we have instead-- Mr.
Chip Rommel.
Well, go ahead, Chip, start.
Start what? Instructing.
You're in charge.
In charge? [ Tweet .]
[ Playing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" .]
Oh, God, it's hot in here.
Tell me.
I'm soaking wet right through my sheerest oflace panties.
And all they give us to eat are beans, beans, and mo' beans.
I get better service at Denny's.
Heh heh heh! Ladies, time foryour cavity search.
But my teeth are perfect.
I don't have any cavities.
Oh, yes, you do.
- Aah! - Aah! El Notcho, our time is limited.
If order isn't restored soon, my government will topple.
Then I'd like to get started right now.
But we have much planned in your honor-- a parade, a military inspection, a public cockfight.
A cockfight? I haven't done that since boy scout camp.
No.
Here the men fight with their roosters.
Call itwhat you will, General, I won't do it in public.
[ Door Opens .]
Ah! Lunch.
Notcho, have some beans.
"Gra-see-us.
" Mmm! These are the bestest beans I've ever had.
Yes.
Unique to Humidor, and the most potent beans in all the world.
Now, gentlemen, please, back to business, eh? You are right, El Presidente.
As I said before, I will do everything in my power to ensure law and order here in Humidor.
Boy, these beans are potent.
I can see why, after every meal, you people take a big "shi-esta.
" Mind ifI sit on the couch? Not at all.
It is made offine Corinthian leather.
[ Squeet.]
[ Squeet.]
[ Squeet.]
[ Squeet.]
Not toworry.
The leather is new.
Anyway, I have a plan, and I-- [ Squeet.]
Mustbethat darn leather again.
The chair is made of cotton.
Oh.
Well, then forgive me.
I can fix that.
Notcho, that's a lighter! After eating those potent beans, the combination ofyour gas and this flame can blow up the palace.
I'm sorry.
I had no idea.
Anyway, as I was saying, what I want to do is go out, go out among the people and investigate these murders and disappearances.
[ Muffled .]
An excellent idea, amigo.
So, Sy, let's say we get started.
Si.
Labia, Notch Johnson must not know about the military coup.
Go and distract him, my littlewhore, ifyou want to see your brother again.
It's only been a few hours [ Shutter Clicks .]
but I've already heard what an incrediblejob Chip is doing.
Hup! Zwei! Drei!Vier! Hup! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Higher! Chest out! Hup! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Hup! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Hup! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Mayor? Isn't this supposed to be fun for the boys? Oh, children love discipline.
And I think Chip is a breath offresh Aryan-- Air! Air.
Heh heh.
Is it in yet? I can't get my hand through this hole.
Aah! - Ohh! - Uhh! Oh, myGod! Trying to escape, huh? We'll fix that.
[ Sinister Laugh .]
- !El Notcho! - !O, El Notcho! !El Notcho! !El Notcho! !El Notcho! !O, El Notcho! Buenas retardes.
Tell me, have you seen any homicides? I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
Have jou seen any ho micides? - Aah! - Aah! You are Notch Johnson, the famous lifeguard revolutionary.
Why, si, I am.
And you are? I am Labia, and I have some information foryou.
But we cannot talk here.
Meet me tonight.
Buenas noches, Senor Notch Johnson.
Why, hello.
So, Labia, 'splain.
Don'tyou wanna touch me? I thoughtyou had some information.
I need you to make love to me badly.
Can you? Yes, I can make love toyou badly, butwejust met.
I would never take advantage ofyour lovely "bubedos" oryour precious "vayaina.
" You must make love to me! Or something terrible will happen.
I'm sorry.
I'm not that easy.
Oy! Did you give him your "vayaina"? Yes, I did! I gave him my "vayaina"! You expect me to believeyou? She's telling the truth.
Now getyour hands offmy Labia.
El Notcho.
Okay, bitch.
Ifyou did make love, describe his pinata.
His pinata is huge, like a donkey.
Es grande.
It's even bigger than grande.
It's venti! Really.
Let's take a peek.
[ Grunts .]
?Donde esta? I don't see anything.
Hmm.
Johnson Where is yourJohnson? [ Laughing Uproariously.]
Throw him in jail! Yo, we're locked up for real.
Ain't no one springin' our sorry asses.
'Maica, even I can't swallow that.
Our only hope is that Notch finds out about us and comes to our rescue.
[ Door Clangs .]
- Whoa! - Ugh! Kimberlee, it's like you've got ESPN! [ Spits .]
[ Spitting .]
What areyou guys doing here? We came down to helpyou, Notch.
But it's so dangerous.
And ifyou're here who's minding the store? Folks.
I have had to make some changes.
So I wantyou to welcome your new instructor-- a real man's man-- Kody Massengil! W-wha-- I can't believe this.
[ Murmuring .]
Dinner! And what do we have foryou this evening? Oh! Beans! Ha ha ha! Enjoyyour last supper.
[Evil Laughter.]
Left knee up, kick.
Right knee up, kick.
Mayor, these parents are-- excuse my French-- P.
O.
'd.
You promised that these boys would learn lifesaving, but they're prancing around like that Ricky Martin! Where is Notch Johnson? Look, I know the program didn't get offto a good start, but not toworry.
I will now personally take over.
People of Humidor! I have good news! I am taking over the country! [Booing.]
[Man.]
No! We votedfor Winces! [ Crowd.]
We want Winces! We want Winces! We want Winces! We want Winces! We want Winces! [ Sighs .]
Okay, boys, ifyou behave and tell your parents you had a good time, I'll buyyou all some beer.
Ugh! These chains are too tight.
I'll never pickyour locks.
Wait.
Notch, I just got an idea.
Here is PresidentWinces! [Cheering.]
Tell them that I'm the new leader or I'll kill you right now.
Ahh! There,Jamaica! You're free at last.
Nowwe've gotta bust out! With a spoon and some beans? [Thinking .]
The beans.
Winces, you have one more chance, eh? Go ahead.
Pull the trigger.
I'd rather die than to turn my country over toyou.
[ Grunting .]
You're the man, Chief.
Rip one out! You're leaving me no choice, eh? Heh heh.
Nothing's happening.
Quick, Notch, pull myfinger.
I'll count to 4.
Uno, dos 1, 2, 3, cuatro.
Aha! Now let's go save a country.
What areyou doing out of"yail"? Thanks toyour last supper, you might say we blasted out.
The beans! Now let's rumble, amigos! Ooww! [ Cheering .]
[Automatic Weapons Fire .]
[Man .]
Aah! [ Gunfire .]
[Man #2 .]
Ohh! Humidor, I give you back your president! Ha ha! [ Cheering.]
Unh! [ Children Whooping .]
[ Mayor.]
Ugh! Johnson! Johnson, help me.
Lookwhat these little brats did! We wanted to be lifeguards.
She tried to bribe us with beer.
[ Notch .]
Tell you what, kids.
Come back tomorrow and you'll all learn some real lifesaving.
I'll be one ofyourteachers.
And I will, too.
You'll go homewith some really great memories.
Does that sound good, boys? Now let's get outta here! - Yeah! Whoo! - Whoo! [Whooping .]
Hey, you guys! You guys! You guys, come here! You guys! Oh, hi, teens.
Notch Johnson here.
Tonight's show is all about cavity searches, and I'd like to talk toyou about a cavity search thatyou can do at home.
It's the Notch Johnson self-prostate examination.
And it's especially important foryou women out there.
Here's whatyou do.
Take a surgical glove like this.
You can usuallyfind them underneath your kitchen sink.
Now, applyto one ofthe fingers either petroleum jelly, grapejelly, or myfavorite, spit.
Watch as I examinate myself.
Ahh.
Therewe go.
Uh-oh.
I seem to have tensed up.
Can't get my finger back.
Anyway, the important thing is that, uh-- t-to do this exam.
So until next time, this is Notch Johnson saying, ride the big one.
He must die! Please, let him live.
Will you obey my orders? Yes! Yes, anything you want.
Go to my bed and wait.
You are now mywhore.
Kill him anyway.
[Man.]
No! No, no, no, please! General Partagas, Sargento Cohiba, my friends, our country slips away.
There are lootings, murders.
Even "yurnalists" are disappearing! El Presidente, our men are doing everything to catch these fascists! ?Verdad? Si, senor.
The problem only grows worse! We needhelp! And there is only one hombre for this yob-- The man they call El Notcho! Ah, yeah.
Oh, yeah! - That's it.
That's it! - [ Moaning .]
Can you feel it? - Can you feel it? - Yeah.
It's gonna pop! It's gonna pop.
Yeah, come on.
Come on.
Work it out.
Oh, yeah! Yeah! That's it.
That's it.
Now, who wants to try it on me? I'd love to give it toyou, Notch! Okay, Chip, ifyou're up for it, take a crack.
Yeah, that's it.
That's it, yeah.
Good work.
Good work.
Yeah.
Yea-- ow! What was that? Tonight's episode [Announcer.]
No writers were used for this episode of Son of the Beach.
Oh, it's harder than I thought.
Unh! Johnson, you pervert! Kody, hide your eyes! Mayor, I was just demonstrating the-- Johnson, you make me sick.
Not only as a woman, but as the Family Values Mayor.
The Family Values Mayor? That's right.
I'm being profiled by Perfect Family magazine for my tireless promotion of familyvalues.
Excuse me.
This woman is a real mother.
A mother, who, yes, would've preferred a daughter, but a mother nonetheless.
[Mayor.]
Thankyou, Kody.
Besides, this article will ensure mother ofvictory in her next erection.
I mean election.
Now, what says familyvalues more than a junior lifeguard program? But, Mayor Massengil, we already have a junior lifeguard program.
Not the Mayor Anita Massengil junior lifeguard program.
I'm appointing Chip as the instructor.
But, Frau Mayor-- Then it's settled.
Chip, you comewith me.
The rest ofyou, I don't care whatyou do.
Mother, can Chip have dinner at our house tonight? I think I'm going to get something lodged in mythroat.
[El Presidente.]
We fight this war fora landcalled Humidor! Ifyou ask us why, it's Humidor or die! [ Brays .]
Well, I'll be a chili relleno! Notcho! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha.
Gang, say ?Que pasa? to the president of Humidor-- SeymourWinces.
Ooh, a president! Notcho and I are like brothers! We fought side by side in my country's revolution.
I'd just gotten out ofthe old navy, and therewas a gap in my life.
So I filled it byfighting for a banana republic.
Damn, Notch, I learn more aboutyou everyweek! We gave democracy to Humidor by overturning a militaryyenta.
Oh, Notch, don'tyou mean junta? Junta? No.
That's a woman who likes towhine.
Ayenta is a military dictatorship.
Sowhat brings you to Malibu Adjacent, SenorWinces? - Call me Sy.
- Sy? Si.
Say, Sy, how's your sister? - Sue? - Si.
So-so.
Notcho, everything that we fought for in Humidor is about to vamoose! What? Yes! There's murders, kidnappings every day! Mipais, our country needs you! I have only one question.
When? Now! The plane awaits us.
Notch! You're going offto lead some South-Central American revolt? Yeah, Notch, why areyou so revolting? I can't help it.
It's just theway I am.
Notch, ifit's that dangerous, we should gowith you.
It's notyourwar! It's mine.
!Viva la biblioteca! !Andale! Ooh! - Hey! - [ Braying .]
!Vamonos! Guys, I am worried about Notch.
I thinkwe should go down there.
I don't know.
Ifwe go down there, things could get hairy.
How many times has Notch helped us out? I think it's time we paid him back.
Oh, look! Only one mile to go.
Too bad we have to fight somewar.
Humidor has, like, the best spas.
Ooh, yeah! Imagine ifwewere at a spa right now.
[ Gasps .]
Hide me! It's the man! It'll be fine.
Just let me handle it.
Ladies, what brings you to El Humidor? We, uh, we're here forthe spas.
Kimberlee, we don't have time for spas.
We're here to help Notch Johnson.
[ Evil Laughter.]
[CrowdCheering.]
Humidor I giveyou El Notcho! [Wild Cheers.]
!Gracias! !Gracias! Gracias verymuch.
I'm overwhelmed by the thongs of people here today.
You know, my friends, over the years, I've spent many nights in many motels, so as a token of my thanks, I bring you soaps [ Crowd Cheering .]
shampoos [ Cheering .]
and shower caps! [ Cheering .]
So, let me tell you the secret formula for myjunior lifeguard program.
It's one partwater and one part Massengil.
Butwhywouldn't this program be run bytheworld's greatest lifeguard-- Notch Johnson? Areyou in competition with him? No.
I'd love to have Notch.
And just as soon as he gets out ofrehab, he'll be here.
But lookwho we have instead-- Mr.
Chip Rommel.
Well, go ahead, Chip, start.
Start what? Instructing.
You're in charge.
In charge? [ Tweet .]
[ Playing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" .]
Oh, God, it's hot in here.
Tell me.
I'm soaking wet right through my sheerest oflace panties.
And all they give us to eat are beans, beans, and mo' beans.
I get better service at Denny's.
Heh heh heh! Ladies, time foryour cavity search.
But my teeth are perfect.
I don't have any cavities.
Oh, yes, you do.
- Aah! - Aah! El Notcho, our time is limited.
If order isn't restored soon, my government will topple.
Then I'd like to get started right now.
But we have much planned in your honor-- a parade, a military inspection, a public cockfight.
A cockfight? I haven't done that since boy scout camp.
No.
Here the men fight with their roosters.
Call itwhat you will, General, I won't do it in public.
[ Door Opens .]
Ah! Lunch.
Notcho, have some beans.
"Gra-see-us.
" Mmm! These are the bestest beans I've ever had.
Yes.
Unique to Humidor, and the most potent beans in all the world.
Now, gentlemen, please, back to business, eh? You are right, El Presidente.
As I said before, I will do everything in my power to ensure law and order here in Humidor.
Boy, these beans are potent.
I can see why, after every meal, you people take a big "shi-esta.
" Mind ifI sit on the couch? Not at all.
It is made offine Corinthian leather.
[ Squeet.]
[ Squeet.]
[ Squeet.]
[ Squeet.]
Not toworry.
The leather is new.
Anyway, I have a plan, and I-- [ Squeet.]
Mustbethat darn leather again.
The chair is made of cotton.
Oh.
Well, then forgive me.
I can fix that.
Notcho, that's a lighter! After eating those potent beans, the combination ofyour gas and this flame can blow up the palace.
I'm sorry.
I had no idea.
Anyway, as I was saying, what I want to do is go out, go out among the people and investigate these murders and disappearances.
[ Muffled .]
An excellent idea, amigo.
So, Sy, let's say we get started.
Si.
Labia, Notch Johnson must not know about the military coup.
Go and distract him, my littlewhore, ifyou want to see your brother again.
It's only been a few hours [ Shutter Clicks .]
but I've already heard what an incrediblejob Chip is doing.
Hup! Zwei! Drei!Vier! Hup! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Higher! Chest out! Hup! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Hup! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Hup! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Mayor? Isn't this supposed to be fun for the boys? Oh, children love discipline.
And I think Chip is a breath offresh Aryan-- Air! Air.
Heh heh.
Is it in yet? I can't get my hand through this hole.
Aah! - Ohh! - Uhh! Oh, myGod! Trying to escape, huh? We'll fix that.
[ Sinister Laugh .]
- !El Notcho! - !O, El Notcho! !El Notcho! !El Notcho! !El Notcho! !O, El Notcho! Buenas retardes.
Tell me, have you seen any homicides? I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
Have jou seen any ho micides? - Aah! - Aah! You are Notch Johnson, the famous lifeguard revolutionary.
Why, si, I am.
And you are? I am Labia, and I have some information foryou.
But we cannot talk here.
Meet me tonight.
Buenas noches, Senor Notch Johnson.
Why, hello.
So, Labia, 'splain.
Don'tyou wanna touch me? I thoughtyou had some information.
I need you to make love to me badly.
Can you? Yes, I can make love toyou badly, butwejust met.
I would never take advantage ofyour lovely "bubedos" oryour precious "vayaina.
" You must make love to me! Or something terrible will happen.
I'm sorry.
I'm not that easy.
Oy! Did you give him your "vayaina"? Yes, I did! I gave him my "vayaina"! You expect me to believeyou? She's telling the truth.
Now getyour hands offmy Labia.
El Notcho.
Okay, bitch.
Ifyou did make love, describe his pinata.
His pinata is huge, like a donkey.
Es grande.
It's even bigger than grande.
It's venti! Really.
Let's take a peek.
[ Grunts .]
?Donde esta? I don't see anything.
Hmm.
Johnson Where is yourJohnson? [ Laughing Uproariously.]
Throw him in jail! Yo, we're locked up for real.
Ain't no one springin' our sorry asses.
'Maica, even I can't swallow that.
Our only hope is that Notch finds out about us and comes to our rescue.
[ Door Clangs .]
- Whoa! - Ugh! Kimberlee, it's like you've got ESPN! [ Spits .]
[ Spitting .]
What areyou guys doing here? We came down to helpyou, Notch.
But it's so dangerous.
And ifyou're here who's minding the store? Folks.
I have had to make some changes.
So I wantyou to welcome your new instructor-- a real man's man-- Kody Massengil! W-wha-- I can't believe this.
[ Murmuring .]
Dinner! And what do we have foryou this evening? Oh! Beans! Ha ha ha! Enjoyyour last supper.
[Evil Laughter.]
Left knee up, kick.
Right knee up, kick.
Mayor, these parents are-- excuse my French-- P.
O.
'd.
You promised that these boys would learn lifesaving, but they're prancing around like that Ricky Martin! Where is Notch Johnson? Look, I know the program didn't get offto a good start, but not toworry.
I will now personally take over.
People of Humidor! I have good news! I am taking over the country! [Booing.]
[Man.]
No! We votedfor Winces! [ Crowd.]
We want Winces! We want Winces! We want Winces! We want Winces! We want Winces! [ Sighs .]
Okay, boys, ifyou behave and tell your parents you had a good time, I'll buyyou all some beer.
Ugh! These chains are too tight.
I'll never pickyour locks.
Wait.
Notch, I just got an idea.
Here is PresidentWinces! [Cheering.]
Tell them that I'm the new leader or I'll kill you right now.
Ahh! There,Jamaica! You're free at last.
Nowwe've gotta bust out! With a spoon and some beans? [Thinking .]
The beans.
Winces, you have one more chance, eh? Go ahead.
Pull the trigger.
I'd rather die than to turn my country over toyou.
[ Grunting .]
You're the man, Chief.
Rip one out! You're leaving me no choice, eh? Heh heh.
Nothing's happening.
Quick, Notch, pull myfinger.
I'll count to 4.
Uno, dos 1, 2, 3, cuatro.
Aha! Now let's go save a country.
What areyou doing out of"yail"? Thanks toyour last supper, you might say we blasted out.
The beans! Now let's rumble, amigos! Ooww! [ Cheering .]
[Automatic Weapons Fire .]
[Man .]
Aah! [ Gunfire .]
[Man #2 .]
Ohh! Humidor, I give you back your president! Ha ha! [ Cheering.]
Unh! [ Children Whooping .]
[ Mayor.]
Ugh! Johnson! Johnson, help me.
Lookwhat these little brats did! We wanted to be lifeguards.
She tried to bribe us with beer.
[ Notch .]
Tell you what, kids.
Come back tomorrow and you'll all learn some real lifesaving.
I'll be one ofyourteachers.
And I will, too.
You'll go homewith some really great memories.
Does that sound good, boys? Now let's get outta here! - Yeah! Whoo! - Whoo! [Whooping .]
Hey, you guys! You guys! You guys, come here! You guys! Oh, hi, teens.
Notch Johnson here.
Tonight's show is all about cavity searches, and I'd like to talk toyou about a cavity search thatyou can do at home.
It's the Notch Johnson self-prostate examination.
And it's especially important foryou women out there.
Here's whatyou do.
Take a surgical glove like this.
You can usuallyfind them underneath your kitchen sink.
Now, applyto one ofthe fingers either petroleum jelly, grapejelly, or myfavorite, spit.
Watch as I examinate myself.
Ahh.
Therewe go.
Uh-oh.
I seem to have tensed up.
Can't get my finger back.
Anyway, the important thing is that, uh-- t-to do this exam.
So until next time, this is Notch Johnson saying, ride the big one.