Sonic Boom (2014) s01e40 Episode Script
Tails' Crush
Grrr! Here you go, kid.
Is this your grandson? Zing! I've seen newer pictures on a cave wall.
-Zang! -Can it, you obsequious hack! This isn't even you.
This guy is young and healthy.
And he still has that sparkle of hope in his eyes.
[groans.]
I need some new headshots.
Oh, yeah.
Work it, CC.
You've still got it, baby.
Give me pouty, come on.
Now give me tiger.
Rarrh! Who's a funny monkey! Wow! I've never seen a professional photo shoot before.
Now roll over and play dead, baby.
Pretty sure you still haven't.
Hello.
What have we here? He's a waif.
The orphan of our times.
A lost child, oblivious to the never-ending sea of despair.
How poetic! Hey, doll-face.
Show's over here.
Hey, Knucks, you're famous.
Cool! Who's the doofus with the trash can on his head? Is that the guy from the newspaper? I don't know.
He doesn't look like he has a trash can on his head.
It is the guy that's in the picture.
Hey, Trash Can Head Guy.
-Sign my newspaper.
-Mine too.
My standards for celebrity are quite low.
[TV on.]
Hey, Wolfie, get a load of this guy.
If this fashion trend catches on, I'm gonna start throwing trash in my hat.
[laughter and applause.]
You, sir, are the master of biting social commentary.
You're really embracing this whole Trash Can Head thing.
Yup.
You know what people say when they see me wearing this? "I weep for the future of our kind"? Well, yeah, some of them.
But most people think it looks wicked cool.
Huh? Gah! And that's our show.
Thanks to the Comedy Chimp Players and our musical guest Justin Beaver.
-Good night, everyone.
-[cheering.]
Mr Chimp, someone is trying to blackmail you.
They just dropped off these horribly embarrassing photos.
Those are my new publicity shots, bonehead.
Ugh! You could carry groceries in those bags under my eyes.
Write it down, I'll use it next time the mayor's on the show.
Those aren't wrinkles, they're laugh lines.
Gives you character.
Ha-ha! How would you know? You've done the same shtick for 20 years.
Zing! Guess I have to give in to nature.
All natural cosmetic facial youthification.
Move it, losers.
Evil genius coming through.
Eggman, what do you want? First I want to say I'm a huge fan.
And I have something to offer you.
A magic boot that you rub and a genie grants you wishes and I just give you all my money? If so, I'm in.
Cos the last one you sold me didn't work.
I want to be your sponsor.
Just put the Eggman Industries logo on your trash can.
No.
You think my trash can is for sale? It is not, sir.
I have integrity.
I will not sell out.
10 per cent off all your Meh Burger purchases if you slap this sticker on that head trash thing.
Done and done! Give me Meh Burgers.
This is it, Wolfie, the last show before my big surgery.
I was wondering while you're gone, who's gonna replace you? Not that anybody could ever replace you.
But if you don't have anyone in mind, I'll throw my hat I want you to know your show will be in good hands while you're getting your face overhauled.
And don't worry, when they ask me to take over full time, I'll probably say no.
[laughs.]
You'll be great.
Too great.
The viewers will love him and I'll wind up playing the Yuk-Yuk Hut in Gogoba Village.
I need to find a guest host that no one will take seriously.
A flash in the pan.
A talentless hack.
No, I have a worse idea.
Let's try those monologue jokes again.
Just read what's on the cards here.
OK.
Here goes.
"So the mayor's in the news again.
Did you hear about this?" What's so funny about that? Read the rest of the joke.
Ohh.
How come? There's a Mr The Hedgehog to see you.
Hmm Doesn't ring a bell.
Hey, Knucks.
Hey.
Did you hear the mayor's in the news again? Ba-da-boom! [Wolfie.]
You didn't finish the joke.
We're stoked for you but are you up to this? Does a bucket on your head qualify you to host a TV show? First of all, it's not a bucket, it's a trash can.
Secondly, it's not a trash can, it's a fashion statement.
Fourth, you're just jealous that I finally found my calling as a fashion designer / model / TV host.
I don't want you to embarrass yourself.
I'm disappointed in you, Sonic.
In you and the mayor.
Now, if you'll excuse me, the jokes don't read themselves.
This isn't gonna end well.
[TV on.]
Welcome to the Comedy Chimp show.
I'm your guest host, Trash Can Head Guy.
-Say, Wolf? -What is it, O great one? -Knock knock.
-Who's there? -The mayor.
-The uh the mayor who? The mayor's in the news again! [cymbal crashes.]
[audience muttering.]
This is painful.
Oh, here's a good one.
What do you call a duck with a Wait, no What's the difference between a duck and Wait, maybe it's not a duck Can we turn this off? Let me see those cue cards.
-Whoa! Aargh! -[audience laughing.]
Zing! You, sir, are the master of slapstick tomfoolery.
-Ugh! Aargh! -[laughter.]
[whistles.]
Wolfie, my key doesn't work any more.
You are correct, sir.
Locks got changed.
Network's taking the show in a new direction, so -What new direction? -More I don't know Is "trash-canny" a word? Wait up, TCHG.
Hello, Yuk-Yuk Hut.
Unless Help you get rid of Knuckles as host, eh? And what's in it for me? You sponsor the first ever live broadcast of a robot attack.
I'm listening.
Imagine, a brutal, horrendous siege with robots, missiles and the Eggman Industries logo on every bit of it.
Repeat that last part.
I wasn't listening.
If you sponsor the attack, you'll also be the show's sponsor from now on.
Deal! Ugh! Aargh! I got to admit this is pretty funny.
Fire missiles! Brought to you by Eggman Industries.
Uh, what was that? This hole was made possible by Eggman Industries.
Eggman's attacking the studio! We got to help Knuckles.
Wait, I want to see what happens next.
Your new movie sets a new standard for incredible effects.
Let's roll a clip, shall we? Amazing! It's like it's really happening.
Need a wall shattered? Call Eggman Industries.
This battle is sponsored by Eggman Industries.
You have to wear this.
Yeah I don't wear the logo of the losing team.
You don't have any Sonic hats, do you? -Ow! -Huh? Sticks, you came to my show! Cool! Eggman's attacking! We need your help.
I'll be right back after this.
So the mayor's back in the news.
[laughs.]
It seems that he Good to have you back, Knucks.
Good to be back, you guys.
If I ever get carried away by my ego again We'll let you know.
No, make sure I get a better show.
Engage Mega Stomp-bot.
New from Eggman Industries.
On my mark Three, two [grunting.]
What have I done? Oh, yeah, I got my show back.
Zing! [applause.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
We'll keep things moving along, but first I want to thank our new sponsor, Eggman Industries, makers of the Kiddie Fun Ball.
[ticking.]
Oh, this is not good.
Is this your grandson? Zing! I've seen newer pictures on a cave wall.
-Zang! -Can it, you obsequious hack! This isn't even you.
This guy is young and healthy.
And he still has that sparkle of hope in his eyes.
[groans.]
I need some new headshots.
Oh, yeah.
Work it, CC.
You've still got it, baby.
Give me pouty, come on.
Now give me tiger.
Rarrh! Who's a funny monkey! Wow! I've never seen a professional photo shoot before.
Now roll over and play dead, baby.
Pretty sure you still haven't.
Hello.
What have we here? He's a waif.
The orphan of our times.
A lost child, oblivious to the never-ending sea of despair.
How poetic! Hey, doll-face.
Show's over here.
Hey, Knucks, you're famous.
Cool! Who's the doofus with the trash can on his head? Is that the guy from the newspaper? I don't know.
He doesn't look like he has a trash can on his head.
It is the guy that's in the picture.
Hey, Trash Can Head Guy.
-Sign my newspaper.
-Mine too.
My standards for celebrity are quite low.
[TV on.]
Hey, Wolfie, get a load of this guy.
If this fashion trend catches on, I'm gonna start throwing trash in my hat.
[laughter and applause.]
You, sir, are the master of biting social commentary.
You're really embracing this whole Trash Can Head thing.
Yup.
You know what people say when they see me wearing this? "I weep for the future of our kind"? Well, yeah, some of them.
But most people think it looks wicked cool.
Huh? Gah! And that's our show.
Thanks to the Comedy Chimp Players and our musical guest Justin Beaver.
-Good night, everyone.
-[cheering.]
Mr Chimp, someone is trying to blackmail you.
They just dropped off these horribly embarrassing photos.
Those are my new publicity shots, bonehead.
Ugh! You could carry groceries in those bags under my eyes.
Write it down, I'll use it next time the mayor's on the show.
Those aren't wrinkles, they're laugh lines.
Gives you character.
Ha-ha! How would you know? You've done the same shtick for 20 years.
Zing! Guess I have to give in to nature.
All natural cosmetic facial youthification.
Move it, losers.
Evil genius coming through.
Eggman, what do you want? First I want to say I'm a huge fan.
And I have something to offer you.
A magic boot that you rub and a genie grants you wishes and I just give you all my money? If so, I'm in.
Cos the last one you sold me didn't work.
I want to be your sponsor.
Just put the Eggman Industries logo on your trash can.
No.
You think my trash can is for sale? It is not, sir.
I have integrity.
I will not sell out.
10 per cent off all your Meh Burger purchases if you slap this sticker on that head trash thing.
Done and done! Give me Meh Burgers.
This is it, Wolfie, the last show before my big surgery.
I was wondering while you're gone, who's gonna replace you? Not that anybody could ever replace you.
But if you don't have anyone in mind, I'll throw my hat I want you to know your show will be in good hands while you're getting your face overhauled.
And don't worry, when they ask me to take over full time, I'll probably say no.
[laughs.]
You'll be great.
Too great.
The viewers will love him and I'll wind up playing the Yuk-Yuk Hut in Gogoba Village.
I need to find a guest host that no one will take seriously.
A flash in the pan.
A talentless hack.
No, I have a worse idea.
Let's try those monologue jokes again.
Just read what's on the cards here.
OK.
Here goes.
"So the mayor's in the news again.
Did you hear about this?" What's so funny about that? Read the rest of the joke.
Ohh.
How come? There's a Mr The Hedgehog to see you.
Hmm Doesn't ring a bell.
Hey, Knucks.
Hey.
Did you hear the mayor's in the news again? Ba-da-boom! [Wolfie.]
You didn't finish the joke.
We're stoked for you but are you up to this? Does a bucket on your head qualify you to host a TV show? First of all, it's not a bucket, it's a trash can.
Secondly, it's not a trash can, it's a fashion statement.
Fourth, you're just jealous that I finally found my calling as a fashion designer / model / TV host.
I don't want you to embarrass yourself.
I'm disappointed in you, Sonic.
In you and the mayor.
Now, if you'll excuse me, the jokes don't read themselves.
This isn't gonna end well.
[TV on.]
Welcome to the Comedy Chimp show.
I'm your guest host, Trash Can Head Guy.
-Say, Wolf? -What is it, O great one? -Knock knock.
-Who's there? -The mayor.
-The uh the mayor who? The mayor's in the news again! [cymbal crashes.]
[audience muttering.]
This is painful.
Oh, here's a good one.
What do you call a duck with a Wait, no What's the difference between a duck and Wait, maybe it's not a duck Can we turn this off? Let me see those cue cards.
-Whoa! Aargh! -[audience laughing.]
Zing! You, sir, are the master of slapstick tomfoolery.
-Ugh! Aargh! -[laughter.]
[whistles.]
Wolfie, my key doesn't work any more.
You are correct, sir.
Locks got changed.
Network's taking the show in a new direction, so -What new direction? -More I don't know Is "trash-canny" a word? Wait up, TCHG.
Hello, Yuk-Yuk Hut.
Unless Help you get rid of Knuckles as host, eh? And what's in it for me? You sponsor the first ever live broadcast of a robot attack.
I'm listening.
Imagine, a brutal, horrendous siege with robots, missiles and the Eggman Industries logo on every bit of it.
Repeat that last part.
I wasn't listening.
If you sponsor the attack, you'll also be the show's sponsor from now on.
Deal! Ugh! Aargh! I got to admit this is pretty funny.
Fire missiles! Brought to you by Eggman Industries.
Uh, what was that? This hole was made possible by Eggman Industries.
Eggman's attacking the studio! We got to help Knuckles.
Wait, I want to see what happens next.
Your new movie sets a new standard for incredible effects.
Let's roll a clip, shall we? Amazing! It's like it's really happening.
Need a wall shattered? Call Eggman Industries.
This battle is sponsored by Eggman Industries.
You have to wear this.
Yeah I don't wear the logo of the losing team.
You don't have any Sonic hats, do you? -Ow! -Huh? Sticks, you came to my show! Cool! Eggman's attacking! We need your help.
I'll be right back after this.
So the mayor's back in the news.
[laughs.]
It seems that he Good to have you back, Knucks.
Good to be back, you guys.
If I ever get carried away by my ego again We'll let you know.
No, make sure I get a better show.
Engage Mega Stomp-bot.
New from Eggman Industries.
On my mark Three, two [grunting.]
What have I done? Oh, yeah, I got my show back.
Zing! [applause.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
We'll keep things moving along, but first I want to thank our new sponsor, Eggman Industries, makers of the Kiddie Fun Ball.
[ticking.]
Oh, this is not good.