South Park s10e02 Episode Script

Smug Alert!

I'm going out to South Park gonna have myself a time Friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation I'm goin out to south park gonna leave my woes behind Ample parking day or night people spouting howdy neighbor I'm heading out to south park to see if i cant unwind I like girls with big fat titties really big fat titties So come on out to south park and meet some friends of mine Episode 10x02 "Smug Alert" Hey there, Richard! Oh, hey Gerald.
New car? Yeah.
It's a hybrid.
I just I just couldn't sit back and be a part of destroying the earth anymore.
Well Good for you.
Oho Thaanks.
Well, there goes the new high-and-mighty Gerald Broflovski.
Yeah, ever since he got that new hybrid he thinks he's better than everyone else.
You know, the emissions from a vehicle like yours causes irreparable damage to the ozone.
I drive a hybrid, it's much better for the environment.
Dad, can we go home? All you ever do since you got this car is drive around and show it off! Hey, is that a hybrid? Oh yes.
You've got one too, I see.
Yeah, I like to be a part of the soluuution and not part of the probluuhm.
Well, anyway, good for you! Thaaanks.
Dad, I think Ike is starving to death.
Hold on, boys.
We still have to go to the hardware store and hand out awareness citations to SUV cars in the parking lot.
What?! Okay, there's another one.
Aw, man! Look at that! Can you believe this?! An SUV with a V8 engine, makes me sick! "Ticket for driving a gas-guzzler.
" Dad, can we go home, please? Look, there's a Jeep over there! Go write them a ticket, Kyle! But Dad, I want- - Now, Kyle! Oh hey Kyle.
- Aw, hey dude.
What are you doing here? Helping my Dad pick out some cool new power tools.
What are you doing? Helping my Dad give people fake tickets.
What's this? Oh! Sorry Randy.
Looks like you got a ticket.
A ticket? "Failure to care about the environment.
" Oh Goddamnit, did you do this, Gerald?! Yeah.
I'm just, you know, trying to make people more aware you know, it's a- You got some nerve, you know that?! Where do you come off ticketing people?! Well, Randy, calm down.
It's not a real ticket.
I know it's not a real ticket!! Broflovski, did you put this crap on my windshield?! Jimbo, your truck probably gets less than ten miles to the gallon.
Well thanks, Officer Dickhole! Dad, let's just go! Look, I'm just trying to make the people of South Park aware of a very serious problem.
The problem, Gerald, is that ever since you got a hybrid car, you've gotten so smug that you love the smell of your own farts! Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't think it was "high and mighty" to care about the earth! And that too! Stop talking with your eyes closed! That's what smug people do! Well, I really don't see how that has anything to do with the- There, like that! Stop that! Who the hell put this faggy fake ticket on my truck! All right, that does it! Come on, Kyle, I don't want you hanging around with these ignorant idiots! Yeah.
Yeah, I think it's best we just do it right away.
Dad, Ike and I have been talking, and well, we feel that your new car is changing you.
Yes, it certainly is.
We're thinking that a lot of people in town starting tooo Take offense.
are starting to take offense at your actions.
We feel like you're starting to becuhhhm Alienated.
star-starting to become alienated from some of your friends.
Well, I totally agree, Kyle.
You do? - Yes.
A lot of people in town just aren't ready to drive hybrid cars.
Right! Okay, good.
And that's why, I've talked it over with your mother, and we've decided to move! What?! We need to be where everyone is motivated and progressive like us! Start getting your things packed, boys! The Broflovksi family is moving to San Francisco! Yeah? Uh hay, Stan.
Uh you should come on over.
Uh they're havin' a goin'-away party for Kyle.
Going away party? What do you mean? Well don't you know? Kyle's movin' away.
Moving away? Kyle can't move away! Well he is.
- Where's the going-away party? At Cartman's house.
Hey everybody! There's more pop in the refrigerator.
Let's make this the best going-away party ever! Hey Eric, where is Kyle? Who? Kyle, the person leaving.
Kyle? Why would I invite Kyle? Dude, a going-away party is suppose to be for the person who is going away! Kyle? Kyle! Kyle's not here.
Cartman didn't invite him.
What?! You guys, this is our party.
That no-good back-stabbing Jew rat is finally leaving! Come on, everyone! Let's sing! Nanana na! Nanana na! Hey hey hey! Goodbye Kyle! Kyle! Dude what is going on?! My Dad says he can't live here anymore.
Broflovski, please.
Kyle's my best friend.
I'm sorry, Stan, but unfortunately you live in a small-minded town filled with ignorant boobs.
Well Maybe they'll change.
I wouldn't count on it.
Come on, boys, get in the car! No! Maybe you can make a difference, Stan.
Maybe you can get everyone to drive hybrid cars.
Until that day, we're just gonna have to be with our own kind.
I will.
I will get everyone to drive hybrid cars! I swear it! Well? What do you think, huh? Oh Gerald, it's beau-tiful.
Now this, is a house.
Oh hello there, you must be the new neighbors.
Yes that's right.
We're the Broflovskis.
Welcome to San Francisco.
I'm Peter Thompson.
This is my wife, Nancy Jarvis and our son, Brian Thompson-Jarvis.
So how do you like the neighborhood? Oh it's gorgeous.
These old houses are so neat.
Yes, well, unlike most cities in San Francisco we try to keep all the historic houses instead of knocking them down.
You in here, Peter? Oh hay, Paul.
Come on in and meet the Broflovskis.
Hello there.
I'm Paul McDonahue.
This is my wife, Paulie Beaumont-McCallahan and our daughter, Mindy McDonahue-Beaumont-McCallahan.
We noticed your hybrid out front, that's a V series, right? Yeah.
That's right.
Whoa, nice car, but we're gonna have to get you into the BT series.
Its emissions are actually cleaner.
Wow, so, everyone here drives a hybrid, huh? Oh, of course.
We're a little more progressive and ahead of the curve here in San Franciso.
Anyway, I'm sure you'll find it much better here.
Yes, you'll find that San Francisco is pretty much more open-minded and grown-up than the Midwest.
Ahhh, ahh.
We're just a little bit more protective of our environment here in San Francisco.
We sure are.
Come on, people.
Come on, people now.
Dude, what are you doing? I'm writing a song about the importance of hybrid cars so maybe people will change their ways.
That's gay, heh.
Well if I have any chance of getting Kyle back.
I have to get people to stop driving SUVs! Why do you want Kyle back? Don't you see how awesome it is without him? You know, Cartman, you may be stoked now but I bet you're gonna find that without Kyle around to rip on your life is empty, and hollow.
Psh! Whatever dude.
I don't need Kyle to rip on, I've got Butters.
Come on, Butters, you stupid Jew! Yeah! I'm a dumb Jew.
Come on, people.
Come on, people now.
All right, all you dreamers and creamers out there out there in South Park I'm gonna play a song by a local artist that really made me think about my impact on the earth.
This is Stan Marsh with "Hey, People, You've Gotta Drive Hybrids Already" Come on now, people now people now People now, come on now, people now Got to drive hybrids, people now People now, people now, people now Hybrids are for people now, people now Group of people driving people now Get a hybrid, be good people now.
He's right.
We have all got to be people now People-driving-hybrid people now People now, people now, hybrid now Hybrid-people-driving people now.
Come on, people, let's be people now Hybrid-people-driving people now Come on, everybody be people now.
Hey Jimbo, you got a hybrid too? Yeah, I just wanted to try to set an example, you know? Yeah, I guess it's up to us to show everyone the way.
Good for you! Thaaanks.
Can you believe some people still don't drive hybrids? I know! It's like "Earth to America? Hello? This is simple stuff here.
Gawl" Well from now on, I'm only going to associate with other hybride-car drivers.
Everyone else is just ignorant, m'kay? Good for you! Thaaanks! At least we're smart enough to know better! Thaaanks! Come on, everybody be people now.
And so we are here to honor Stan Marsh for making South Park the city with the highest percentage of hybrid owners in the country! If only the rest of the country was as insightful as we are.
Ah, thanks.
I was really just trying to make it so my friend can move back here so if you don't mind, I'm gonna try to get a hold of him now.
Great speech! Yeah, well, you know my son is just a little bit more clever than some.
Hello there, I'm Ranger McFriendly.
I'm the person who watches over the delicate ecosystem of South Park.
You must be the little boy who wrote that song.
You son of a bitch! Do you have any idea what you've done?! What?! Come with me! There! Look! Smog? There's never been smog over South Park before.
Don't you get it?! When people drive hybrid cars they get so full of themselves they spew tons of self-satisfied garbage into the air! That isn't smog, it's smug! Smug? Hybrid cars make better for emission levels but people who drive hybrid cars are the leading cause of smug.
You can have smug in the atmosphere and you know what that leads to? Global laming! Thanks to your gay little song, South Park is now the secong smuggiest city in America! This is a South Park News Weather Bulletin! It looks like we have a smug alert here in South Park.
Our own Keenan Williams has the details.
Keenan? Thanks, Tom, a smug alert is in effect at least tomorrow morning.
All those hybrid cars on the road have caused heavy smug to develop over most of Park and Jefferson Counties.
On the national map we can see smug over Denver and developing smug in Los Angeles.
However, San Francisco is once again the smuggiest city in the country.
A smuggy day in San Francisco town.
Sheila, did you meet Gail and Brian, yet? No! Hello, how are you? Really good, really good.
Hey there.
Alan, right? Actually, it's Alain.
Right right, w-would, would you like red or white wine? Can I just get an empty glass? Oh.
Can you believe all these imbecils in Texas? They just put another prisoner to death.
So what do you do for fun? We drink and take drugs.
You want some acid? Oh, no thanks.
We don't do that stuff.
You will.
There's a reason most San Francisco kids take a lot of drugs.
It's the only thing that allows us to deal with our parents all walking around loving the smell of their own farts all the time.
Everthing okay in here, Kyle? Yeah, fine, Dad.
So much better here with the intellectuals, isn't it, boys? Mmmm.
Well maybe I'll take just half a hit of acid.
I want three.
No, no, I'm asking if there's a listing for Broflovski in San Francisco! They just moved there! Haha! Take that, Jew boy! I guess you Heebs can't even play video football! Yeah.
You're right.
You know Butters, you make for a lousy Jew.
Well I'm sorry.
Well it shows that I'm not Jewish, and now th- No, no! Don't apologize, you asshole! Marsh! Oh crap, Ranger McFriendly.
Who? You'd better come with me to the news station! Our situation just got a lot worse! noticed it on the computer this morning.
Look here.
This is the smug over South Park.
It's getting bigger and gaining strength.
The smug? The smug is getting so massive that it's moving west and fusing with the San Francisco smug Here.
These two smug clouds are combining, fueling each other.
Now take a look at this.
What is that? It's the smug from George Clooney's acceptance speech at the Academy Awards.
George Clooney's acceptance speech? Did you hear it? He talked about how people in Hollywood are ahead of the curve on social mattes.
He even took credit for the Civil Rights movement -Look! The point is the smug from his acceptance speech has been slowly drifting north since he gave it and is headed straight for the supercell.
The South Park and San Francisco smug is already at critical mass.
If it gets hit by George Clooney's acceptance speech it will be a disaster of epic proportions.
The perfect storm of self-satisfaction.
We've got to tell the townspeople! South Park still has a chance to make it through the storm! What about San Francisco? Kid, thanks to your gay little song, there's not gonna be a San Francisco.
Soo, that's it people.
When the smug from George Clooney's speech hits the San Francisco and South Park smug we're gonna witness a storm the likes of which we've never seen.
Are you trying to tell us the smug from our hybrids is actually gonna kill us all? If the smug clouds remain the way they are, yes.
This is all Stan's fault! He wrote that gay little song and got us to drive those damned hybrids! Yeah.
Good going, stupid! Listen! Though we all agree this is Stan's fault, there is still something we can do.
If we all work together to reduce smugness we might be able to lessen the effects of the storm, at least here in our own town.
Then that's it.
There's only one way to reduce smugness.
We've gotta destroy every hybrid car in town! Everyone get your hybrid and meet at Dawson's! Hey, where do you think you're going?! I'm gonna try and warn Kyle to get out of San Francisco.
Oh no you're not! Your gay little song got us to drive hybrids, you're gonna help us get rid of 'em! How long do we have until the smug clouds collide? Not long.
The smug from George Clooney's Academy Awards Acceptance Speech has already crossed into Arizona.
The hell is that? "Oscar winner, George Clooney, sexiest man alive" Wow, Eric.
You sure are a great guy for doing this.
I don't have a choice.
Somebody has to get into San Francisco and warn Kyle's family to get out before the storm hits.
But how come we can't just take the bus on into the city? You don't know San Francisco, Butters.
It was the breeding ground for the hippie movement in the 60s.
Those hard-core liberals, lesbian activists and diehard modern hippies young and old.
I swore I would never set foot in San Francisco.
God help me.
All right, Butters, I'll be tethered to you through this cord.
It's my only lifeline, so make sure it stays taut.
If you stop hearing my voice, for the love of Christ start reeling me in with all your strength.
I will.
You're really great for going to warn Kyle, Eric.
I'm not doin' it for Kyle.
I can't believe I'm actually going to walk through San Francisco.
Well, here it goes.
All right.
All right, now get it into the masher! Hurry up! Can't somebody else opeate this? I can't really reach.
Well then you shouldn't have written that gay little song, shouldn't you have?! Keenan, we've gotten rid of half the hybrid cars! How are the smug levels?! They're dropping, slowly, but but we're running out of time! Yeah, it's like, San Francisco is more of a European city, like Paris or Milan.
Butters, are you there?! - I'm here, Eric.
I've started to enter the smug.
I'm about a quarter mile in.
Can you give me an EL? You must be nearing Union Square.
Did you see a fountain to your left? Yes.
It's just beyond yet another wine and cheese store.
Wait, uhh, eh take your next right.
You've got to start heading west.
Turning right at O two four niner.
That's it.
That's that the last one.
Keenan? Keenan, we've smashed the last hybrid! Harry, the smug from Clooney's speech is about to hit the other smug system! Get everyone inside! God help us.
Butters?! Butters, I think I'm here! That's it! Eric, hurry! Somethin's goin' on out here! Mr.
Broflovski! Mr.
Broflovski, there a smug storm! We have to go! Being smug is a good thing.
Oh my Christ! Kyle? Kyle! The acid.
Dude, I'm totally tripping balls.
I'm totally tripping balls.
I'm totally tripping balls.
We have to get out of here! Now! Kyle! Kyle! And now, the worst appears to be over.
Last night's smug storm has left thousands homeless.
All across the Midwest, people are picking up the pieces.
Cities like Denver and South Lake are heavily damaged but still all right.
However, San Francisco, I'm afraid has disappeared completely up its own asshole.
I'm sorry, Stan.
I'm sorry your gay little song killed your friend.
Hey! Hey, Stan! You're not gonna believe it! You've gotta come see.
What? - It's a miracle! Kyle! Hey Stan.
- Dude, what happened? We don't know.
We were all passed out and next thing we know we just woke up on a bus heading here.
It's like you had a guardian angel, m'kay? Dude, I'm so glad you're not dead.
So I guess there's nothing left to do now but rebuild.
First off, we're all gonna need new cars.
And let's make sure nobody gets a stupid hybrid, right? No! Hybrid cars are a good thing! But hybrid cars are the leading cause of smug, m'kay? Hybrid cars don't cause smugness, people do.
Look, hybrid cars are important.
They may even save our planet one day.
What you all need to do is just learn to drive hybrids and not be smug about it.
You mean drive in hybrids but not act like we're better than everyone else because of it.
Yeah! I'm I'm not ready I don't think I can do it either.
It's simply asking too much.
Perhaps one day we can learn to drive hybrids without being smug about it.
But for now the technology is just too much for us.
Come on, everybody! Let's go buy wasterful gas guzzlers! Well, looks like you're back for good, huh Kyle? Yeah, I guess so.
We just can't get rid of you, can we, you sneaky Jew rat! Don't belitle my people, you fucking fatass! Ah, that's better.
Transcipt: spscriptorium
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