South Park s12e04 Episode Script

Canada on Strike

Students, quiet please, m'kay.
As you may or may not know, today is Canada appreciation day.
Oh, god, I'm bored already! M'kay, so we've been asked to show you a video from the world canadian bureau.
Start the tape, please.
Hello, I am stephen abootman, president of the world canadian bureau.
Do you ever stop to think how important Canada is to the world? Right now, I would like all students of canadian descent in this school to stand up.
Just look at all these fine canadians in your school.
See how diverse they are! When you think of Canada, what's the one thing that comes to mind? Gayness! That's right spirit.
What is it that makes Canada so important? NothinG.
My fellow, canadians.
For too long we have been pushed around and ridiculed.
Yesterday was supposed to be a day of appreciation and understanding.
Instead, Canada appreciation day was mocked worldwide! Nobody takes us canadians seriously! It's like the world don't respect Canada at all! That's right.
And I think it's time for Canada to show the world just how bad things would be without it.
Together we can send a message! It's time for Canada to strike! Did you say "strike"? Yes! Every canadian join me! Join together.
Canada on strike! Canada on strike! Canada.
Canada on strike.
Canada says no more! No more neglect.
We want respect.
That's what we're striking for! All you bureaucrats and corporate cats Can all take a hike! It's Canada.
On strike! Canada on strike from vancouver to St.
John's we raise our middle fingers for you all to sit upon and with our fingers up your ass you won't be very psyched it's Canada on strike and we will not bow or budge our resolve is strong we even took three hours to reverse this striking song Canada on strike no matter where you are if you are canadian then you've got to do your part march out of the halls That's right! Suck my canadian balls.
It's Canada on strike! It's Canada! Canada on strike! Uh, when you say "Canada is on strike," what exactly do you mean? What do you think it means? We're striking, buddy.
No more! That's it until we get what we want.
Who exactly are you to authorize this strike? I am stephen abootman, leader of the W.
The W.
? YeS.
The world canadian bureau.
What exactly does Canada want? We want more money.
Yeah, more money.
More money from where? Just more money, you know! Canada doesn't get enough money.
Other countries have lots of money.
We want some of that money.
How about the internet? The internet makes lots of money.
Give us some of that money.
Yeah! Give us internet money! Mr.
Abootman, you seem to not understand how global economics works.
I think that Don't give me that fat cat fancy lip wiggling! Are you going to give Canada more money or not? I'm afraid we can'T.
Then you leave Canada no choice.
The strike shall continue! Honk if you support Canada.
Honk if you support Canada.
Hey, honey, watch this.
We're supporting unions! That's right.
We're a very progressive couple! Yes! Oh, that's fun! Well, we've done our good deed for the week.
I think now i can make love to your anus without making god angry.
Oh, really? Goodie! Guys, I'm really worried about my brother.
We don't care.
You should care! This strike affects everybody, fat ass.
It's on! Yippie! It's the terrance and phillip show.
Today's episode "I fart huckabees.
Aw, this one again? God, they've replayed this one like eighty times now! Say phillip, I just bought this new hyy bid car.
Oh, does it run on electricity? No, it uses natural gas.
Huh, it somehow loses its punch after multiple viewings.
Goddammit, when are we gonna air new terrance and phillip shows? There aren't going to be new shows.
Don't you get it? Terrance and phillip are canadian! We have to get Canada to end this strike! It's not a big deal.
We can just american comedy.
You think that's bad? Remember the time I sang "la cucaracha" for paul mccartney.
No! We are not resorting to that! One, two, three, four, Canada deserves more! Money! Look, bugs.
H me and phillip need to go home for a bit.
Go home? You can't leave the picket line! But this is taking too long and phillip is diabetic.
Look, guy, we all have to stay strong.
If you don't stand with your fellow canadians, then you are a rat.
Don't call me a ramit buddy.
I'm not your buddy, friend.
He's not your friend, guy.
I'm not your ggu, bugs.
He's not your bugs.
I'm not your friend, guy.
Don't you two understand anything? You think striking is a joke? You think it's something to ridicule? Yeah, you think this is funhe'? Don't you see that we have to stand together or else we are nothing.
Stephefu stephen! A call came in from the united states.
They want to talk to you about ending the strike! What did I tell you! I told you we'd get to them sooner or later! Oh, boy! This is exciting! All right, shh! Quiet, everyone! Let me handle this.
Yes? This is stephen abootman, head of the showg.
Hu, hi.
We want you to end the strike.
Oh, you do, huh? Ve had enot bh.
They want us to end the strike.
Let me deal with this.
All right, well, we're prepared to end the strike if you are agreeing that we should have more money.
We totally think you should have more money.
We got 'em! We did it! It's over! How much are you gonna give us? Well, we don't really have that much money.
Oh, negotiating hard ball, are we? What about all that internet money? The internet? You listen to me.
You better fi Gre out a way to get us our fair amount of money.
And until you come back with a solid fair number, I'm finished talking to you, you slimy corporate dickhead! Don't worry, don't worry! This is how negotiating works.
This is good.
We've got 'em by the balls.
What A they sally They said we have to give them money that we make on the internet.
How are we supposed to make money on the internet? Well, how do other people make money on the internet? We A have to put something up on the internet that everyone would find fascinating.
Wait, I've got iad? I said what what in the butt I said what what in the bugon I said what what in the butt I said what what in the butt you want to do it in my bugon, let's do it in the butt it's okay, don't worry i won't bite you want imit.
I'll give you power just be gentle.
I'm delicate like a flower give it to me if you please give it to me if you please.
Oh, my.
What what in the butt I said what what in the bugon I said what what in the bugon I said what what in the butt you want to do it in my bugon in my bugon you want to do it in my butt in my butt let's do it in the butt, okay There's more play.
Ple vihow loing lad? This is going great! Don't worry, ike.
This strike will be over soon! And in other world news, the leader of japan today is calling for an increase in military spending.
How come they haven't mentioned anything about us? When are they gonna get to the strike? Don't worry.
The strike is big news.
I'm sure it would be one of the top stories.
In other news tonight, it's the internet it's deo that has already seen 3 er 10 million views.
A young, confused-looking boy dancing and singing a song called "what what in my asshole.
Tom, in just one week, the vidly.
Has become the most watched thing in all of america.
The boy in the video, referred to lid most as "that little gay kid" has already been asked to appear on jimmy kimmel and the "today show.
The Gogs Ammiad? That's not news.
What about us? Look, uh, stephen, terrance and I were ta you aing and well, it's starting to look like maybe we're not gonna win this thing, you know? Wed fl wifu we just have to stay resilient! Well, yeah, but everyone is dying of starvation.
Yeah, let's give it up, guy.
Don't call me your guy! I'm not your G, h friend.
I'm not your friend, buddy! I'm not your buddy, guy! Wait! Here it is! Turn it up, we're ofu And finally tonight, a new development in the "Canada strike.
For those of you who don't remember, or don't care, Canada has been striking for more money.
Yemem All right! 'Told you now listen.
In a shocking turn of events, it now appears that thousands of ply.
Ple from Denmark are flooding into the united states with hopes of taking the place of the striking canadians.
What? Sir, do you really think you Danish can replace the canadians? Well, where we come from it's pretty cold too, yeah.
We like hockey nobody really allays any attention to us.
Nobody knows where Denmark is.
So when you think about imit we're the canadians of europe.
Scabs! How could you? We made a really successful thing on the internet, and we!A 't cike to collect our money.
Take a number and wait with everyone else.
Habi perhaps you don't ecogctze the internet se sh.
Ation "little gay kid" from youtube.
Take a ne everyone else.
Chocolate rain! He, h ihasnow you.
Houe asshole kid.
" What what in the butt,s"I.
It's tron ggu.
I saw him on yof tcanadian of e Yeah, sure.
All the biggest internet stars are here.
Hou remember of course numa numa? and starwar's kid.
And the internet sensation, cute sneezing panda.
And there is dramatic look gopher! I seen all you guys on the internead? So how many canadian have seen our internet video? Ugh, a few hundred thousand.
Mere peanuts! Chocolate rain has done gangbusters.
Theoretically I'm a millionaire.
Dude, screw yoon th hour internet thing is so last year.
Leave chocolate rain guy alone! leave him alone! I'm serious! Excuse me.
Hello? You f taeedy, corporate fat cat.
You said you would get us money.
We're woht, ing on it.
You're stalling because you think I'll give up.
You know that most canadians are talking about giving up the strike already.
You've got me over a barrel and you know it.
Sir! A we're doing everything we can.
You want me to say it again? "You've got me over a barrel.
"There, you happy? Hou've got me bent over a barrel with my tender ass just waiting to be pulveriarkd lid your thrusting manhood.
Do you realize how stupid I'm going to look if I call off the strike after starting all this? I won't do it.
You hear me, guy? You're wrong, no matter what happens I will never call off this strike.
Even if it means we all die.
We don't want you to die! Then you better hurry.
We don't have much longer.
The blood will be on your hand.
We have to speed this up.
Can we collect our internet money in front of you, please? I don't think so! Nothing takes priority over chocolate rain Oh, here he goes with the ego again.
Who crowned you the top internet star? I did, when I became bigger than all you bitches.
Oh, please! Laughing baby had four times as many it's how los as you.
You better shuck your Mouth, laughing babyd! Did you all forget about afro itinja? My internet thing was bigger than anyblopy'S.
I made you over a hundred million theoretical dollars.
Sneezing panda is theorettroally worth billions.
You all want to mother Die? No! Hey, forget it! We'll wait our turn! leave him alone! leave him alone! Get ready for some chocolate bean, bitch! Leave the what whatnda alone! Leave her alone! I'm serious.
Thought I forgot about you, gopher? My brain Sweet, I think we're next in line now! stephen they are here.
they come to negotiate what you mean it? ok we get it who the hell are you we are the ones that told you we go get internet money here we made ten million theoratical dollars it's all for you theoratical dollars what am i suppose to do with that you litter time waster hei we work really hard to get this theoratical money yeah everyone think I am a homo now you are homo, Butters dude will you just end this thing now my little brother is gonna die no I am not gonna look like a idiot if I was gonna laughed at the last thing I gonna do is to admit it yes This is the head of WGA The World Canadian bureau? Oh Mr.
Abootman It's the global world summit leaders.
We want to talk to you about the strike You do? you want a negotiate? no we were just wondering if when you all dead we can use newfoundland for global theme park Hello? Will you just give this guy something, please? Excuse me? He just doesn't want to look like an idiot, so he needs everyone to think the strike was for something.
Just give him anything.
Well, we could give Canada some small consolation prize.
If they give you something small, will you end the strike? Will they act like they're giving Canada a lot so everyone thinks I did a good job? Can you act like you're giving him a lot? Sure, why not? We have won! So how much did we get? Well, we, we didn't get everything that we wanted, but we negotiated hard and we got these coupons to bennigans and free bubble gum for every canadian! These coupons entitle every canadian to a free meal at bennigans! With the purchase of a meal at equal or greater value, of course.
We did it! My friends, this is the greatest victory in canadian history! Ike.
Ike! It's over.
It's over? Yeah, here you go.
Boy, I'm sure glad that's over with.
Me too! Yeah, but you know, I learned something today.
We thought we could make money on the internet, but while the internet is new and exciting for creative people, it hasn't matured as a distribution mechanism to the extent that one should trade real or immediate opportunities for income for the promise of future online revenue.
It will be a few years before digital distribution of media on the internet can be monetized to an extent that necessitates content producers to forgo their fair value in more traditional media.
We did it! Celebrate, everyone! Hold on a minute.
Wait just a second.
We just did some calculating.
By not working during the strike, canadians lost $10.
4 million.
And our bennigan's coupons and bubble gum is worth roughly $3, 008.
Don't look at that.
Come on, friends, let's dance.
You had no idea what you were doing and now you're trying to make it look like you won so that we won't set you adrift! Dammit, friends, don't you see? We won for future canadians, guy.
So the little guy doesn't get pushed around anymore.
This was a victory for Canada's respect.
What do you think you're doing? We're setting you adrift, idiot.
Maybe you can go live with the Danish! You'll regret this day, frienD.
I'm not your friend, buddy! I'm not your buddy, guy! He's not your guy, friend! I'm not your friend, buddy! We're not your buddies, guy! I'm not your guy, friends!
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