Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s01e05 Episode Script


Yes, hello.
If you are watching this on other planets,
I want you to know that
on earth I am the leader.
I rule.
Everyone on earth must follow me.
Ha ha ha ha.
Don't tell 'em the truth, ok, space ghost?
greetings. I'm space ghost.
Welcome to the show.
Joining me tonight, comedian bobcat
goldthwait and rock 'n roll citizens
the ramones.
- Hey, ho!
- Let's go.
- Hey, ho!
- Let's go.
Zorak is all geeked up about the ramones being here.
That's good, zorak.
That's enough, zorak.
My first guest
My first guest is a comedian.
He is bobcat goldthwait.
Welcome him.
Uh hi, space ghost.
- Ah!
- Your show is lame.
Are you done, zorak?
- I'm bobcat.
- Interview me.
- You're not fooling anyone, zorak.
- We know it's you.
Is this how you treat your guests?
- Moltar.
- Wait.
- Sorry, man.
- Boss's orders.
Hey, it's me watching me watching me watching me.
Are you lookin' at me?
You must be lookin' at me.
There's no one else here.
Ha ha ha ha!
All righty.
- Hello, bobcat.
- Welcome to the show.
- Hi, space ghost.
- How are you today?
I'm energized.
Just like a jittering woodchuck.
You know, when they cling to the
side of a tree and their jaws move
up and down and up and down over and over again really fast
gaining speed - until it's just a
blur of vibrating guns and lips?
And how are you, bobcat?
- I'm livin' a dream.
- Thanks a lot for having me back on the show.
We're certainly glad to have you back on the show.
Although I've never been on the show before.
Of course you haven't.
You look pretty good.
That's because I've been lifting heavy objects.
- Really?
- Yeah, well, it shows.
- You look pretty cut.
- You look pretty buff.
Well, aren't you sweet?
I like you, bobcat.
- I like you, space ghost, and I got a question.
- What's your real name?
Um Tad ghostal.
- Tad ghostal?
- Really?
- Stick with space ghost.
- Much cooler.
I agree.
Wouldn't really work on the babes too much in a bar.
I agree.
- Hi, I'm tad.
- I realize that!
Zorak's real name is Katy did.
- Hi, zorak.
- How're you doin'?
It's a pleasure to be on the show.
- Oh, no.
- The pleasure is all mine.
- -
- Pathetic earthling.
Your feeble words do not amuse me.
Do you eat your young?
Uh hmm.
Zorak eats anything, young, old, and then some.
Say! Bobcat is a good name.
Tell us, what's your secret identity?
My secret identity?
Like if you saw me in real life?
Uh yeah, like if he saw you in real life.
Uh Joey Lawrence.
- Get out!
- I've got your album.
Yeah, girl, you know it's true.
I hear blossom hates you.
- Tad.
- Well?
That's an issue right now, and I feel strongly about it.
You don't look very strong.
Well, I may look small, but I'm pretty wiry.
Space ghost, I've got a question for you.
And listen, I'm not trying to be weird or anything, but
Do you think I'm pretty?
Just like to another guy to a guy.
Um yes, I think you're a pretty man.
- Thank you.
- I think you're kinda handsome, too, space ghost.
Although, the locust hmm I don't know.
Hmm. I see what you mean.
But on a serious note, bobcat,
how would you stop crime in America?
I think you wanna stop crime in America, you say a very special
episode ofblossom where the entire cast gets
ball peen hammers - in the kneecaps.
I promise you, there'd be a half an hour of nonviolent America.
'Cause everybody'd be glued to the set.
"Hey, they hit Joey Lawrence in the knee cap yet?"
You think that could work?
Well, no, not really.
Perhaps I need to loosen my pants.
Go ahead.
Ooh! Man, I feel better already! Whoo!
You should try spandex.
Yeah. You know, I'm actually one of the only super heroes
that wears leisure suits.
Speaking of heroes, who are yours?
- Um geez, I don't know.
- I like all the greats.
You know, uh curly.
I think that's what my coif actually looks like,
what if rutger hauer - and curly Howard pounded out a baby.
- Hey, mo, I'm a replicant.
- Neh, neh, neh, neh!
Ha ha ha ha!
- -
- Replicants were the evil creation of Dr. zen.
- Ahem.
- Let's see. Where am I?
Oh, yeah.
Oh! Who is your arch enemy?
John tesh.
The composer?
- The whole man.
- John tesh scares me.
Say, do you need any weapons?
Yeah. What size power band are you?
Colossal. Why?
'Cause I'm usually, like, a small power band, believe it or not.
But I've been retaining a lot of
fluids lately, so probably, like,
a medium power band.
How about a nice, pleated skirt?
Boy, space ghost, you're really switching gears.
Hey, it's a 15 minute show, and we have to take a break.
What's the locust's name again? I'm sorry.
- Zorak.
- Oh, yeah.
- Zorak.
- I like saying zorak.
Zorak, play me something public domain.
We'll be right back after this.
It appears we will be right back.
Uh because no one can stop it, the show is back.
Barney's gonna make more kids snap than bugs bunny.
A kid knows bugs bunny's jokin' around.
Kid thinks Barney's for real.
I love you you don't love us, Barney.
You don't even know us.
Ok! We're back with bobcat goldthwait.
I understand that you have special powers.
Yes. I'm able to, uh, bend forks.
But only at Denny's.
Any other kind of forks I don't seem to be able to bend.
Now is this physically or mentally?
Um I do it with my mind.
But you gotta look away for a little while.
When I said you were pretty,
I meant you remind me of Judy Collins.
Judy Collins?
- Ha! Wow!
- Space ghost, man.
Crack a window, will ya?
I'd be violently sucked into space.
- -
- Then maybe people would tune in.
Well, I think moltar's giving us the
signal to wrap it up, huh, space ghost?
No, bobcat, that's just his way of
telling us to finish the interview.
Join us for dinner after the show?
Thanks. I'd love to join you for dinner, but I don't know about
eating with a gigantic locust.
Don't they spit on their food first and then mulch it up
and spit it back out?
That's regurgitational ingestion. Flies do it, not locusts.
Yeah. But you know, that's exactly
how I eat, so Perhaps I will
dine with you.
- All righty!
- We'll meet you in the chamber after the show.
Any parting words?
Space ghost, I wanna party with you.
You mean with a party cake and lemonade and paper hats?
Perhaps, perhaps.
All righty then!
My next guests are zorak's favorite band.
Please welcome the ramones.
Thanks, man.
Hey, Joey.
- Ok, then.
- Identify yourselves, ramones.
Hi, I'm Johnny ramone.
And I'm marky ramone.
And I'm Joey.
And I'm c.J.
And I'm zorak ramone.
And I'm moltar ramone.
They're not really ramones.
Say, fellas, tell us about your new record.
Acid eaters, that's our latest album.
It's a cover album of songs that were
recorded in um Generally around
the 1967/68 period of time.
And it's just now coming out?
Ha ha ha ha.
Say, guys, on your third album, rocket fu Whoops.
Too many cokes.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha!
Hey, tell me about your music.
It's snappy.
It was always meant for rebellious kids.
Uh, we're a bunch of punks.
Hmm. Well, you just listen to me, you punks, I don't want any
trouble from you.
- This is a good show.
- This is a clean show.
This is a good, clean show.
- You ever get a wedgie in tights?
- It's not pleasant.
Uh ha ha ha ha.
This is going as well as the letterman/madonna interview.
All right then, you punks, you're musicians.
Make something up for me.
How about weh weh weh weh weh wa wa wa wa wa wa
weh weh weh weh weh weh weh weh weh
- Weh weh weh.
- That's catchy!
It was subliminal.
That was the instrumental part.
Ah. Uh do the word part.
How about space ghost, space ghost, you're the most
from coast to coast listen, we have to go.
Bobcat invited me to a party with a
party cake and lemonade and paper hats
and you can't come 'cause you're
punks and punks don't go to parties.
Hey, you guys got a cake!
It's a nice chocolate vanilla.
- Hey!
- Where'd you guys get that cake?!
- Want a piece of this?
- Yeah.
That's my party cake!
Where did you guys get my party cake?
Who gave them my party cake?
I want my party cake.
That was specifically, definitely for bobcat and me.
Zorak, did you give them my party cake?
Uh what party cake?
Mmm. Chocolate party cake.
Weh weh weh weh wa wa wa wa wa wa wa
weh weh weh weh weh weh weh weh
weh weh, weh weh, weh weh, weh weh
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