Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s01e07 Episode Script


Space ghost.
Space ghost!
Jeepers, my talk show.
No use speeding now.
Just a few Miles to the studio.
Dee Dee Dee Dee
ah. About 15 seconds or so left.
Space ghost.
Better never than late.
Uh oh
uh oh oh oh oh oh!
- -
- Must stop speaking Latin.
Hi! I'm space ghost!
On this show, we've got a pair of people with yellow hair
and a pair of people who wear masks.
But first, welcome zorak and the original way outs!
Zorak? Zorak?
Heh heh heh heh!
Ant humans, reap my wrath, when, I, zorak, rule the earth.
I left zorak in the square with thousands of earthlings!
Moltar, send the shuttle for zorak.
We don't have a shuttle.
- Exactly.
- I'll go myself.
On the third day, a dark cloud approached from the west.
A cloud of swarming locusts.
And a mantis was thus spawned.
I, zorak!
Moltar and I were worried sick.
I hate this tape.
It's got a beat.
I had them in my control.
Listen. That's a guitar.
- They were mine.
- Oh, hush.
The hot lava burns a deadly path
towards the inhabited city below.
The citizens, blissfully unaware of
the molten danger, sleep on their
hammocks of straw while the fiery
river of death flows rampant. Ha!
Ah. Home.
If you read romance novels and who doesn't
the face of my first guest
is not unknown to you.
Please welcome Cindy guyer.
Greetings, Cindy.
- Hi, space ghost.
- How are you today?
- -
- My kindergarten teacher used to greet me that way.
Thank you for having me here.
Oh, oh. Yeah, yeah.
On book covers, you're always
transforming yourself into various guises.
Is that your only superpower?
Well, I'm kind of like a witch,
like a fairy tale witch, in a way.
I create fantasy for people.
I've become I've become everybody's dreams.
Do continue.
I become the princess, the saloon girl, the cave woman.
You name it, I've been it.
Farmer's daughter?
Lunch room lady?
Clapboard milk?
- Bowl of Cole slaw?
- Yes.
Giant insect unicycle?
She doesn't have a wheel.
Bluh bluh bluh.
Cindy, what kind of men do you like?
I don't want them too strong and macho.
I like a man that's, you know, a man, but real down to earth,
and he knows how to be sensitive.
Zorak, the other night I saw the most beautiful sunset.
He's really in touch with his feminine side.
He's not afraid to be soft.
Why do fresh daffodils always make me cry?
What kind of women do you like, space ghost?
Rose Marie.
Hey, you're like the female fabio!
- Yes, I've been called that.
- Yes, I have.
I like to think of myself as a male g.I. Joe.
I'm a male Barbie.
Zorak was just on earth.
And I was ruling it.
You were not.
Cindy guyer, what are you doin' now?
Possibly negotiations well, I am uh with universal to
do my own little series calledsea witch.
See what?
Sea witch.
See what witch?
Sea witch,see?
See which sea?
Sea witch, sea witch.
What witch where?
Sea witch.
- See oh!
- Like your little series!
And all my books would come to life
every week, which would be just,
you know, great.
- I know. Great.
- And you've got a movie coming up.
Um, I have a movie coming out called mortal obsession.
- With lorenzo lamas!
- I've seen that one.
No. Lamas was in final possessions.
I thought Bruce boxleitner was infinal possessions.
Or was thatlethal passions?
Lethal confessions , Swayze's brother.
- Oh, yeah, with justine Bateman.
- I liked that one.
Me, too.
You sure?
Any parting wishes for the galaxy?
Any parting wishes for the galaxy?
No, that's it.
Bye then.
We'll be right back after our sponsor shoves some more stuff
in front of you.
We shall return With a vengeance.
- -
- Ready or not, here we come.
Ha ha ha!
- Why didn't you tell me?
- Sorry.
Ok. We're back
Moltar, what are you doing?
Starting over.
- Just leave it on.
- Ok, pal?
My next guests use the phone all the time.
Welcome the jerky boys.
Should we shake his hand?
Greetings, jerky boys.
- Hey, how are you?
- How are you doing?
Those masks are frightening.
Well, not more frightening than our face.
Are your faces wrinkly like smoked meat?
Why don't you mind your questions?
Why don't you answer my questions?
- Well, now you see.
- Now we're off to a bad start.
Tell us all about your troubled childhood.
What kind of thing is that to ask adults?
Are you in trouble with the law?
This guy needs a good punch in the mouth, if you ask me.
Punch. Now that's a silly word.
Punch. You know, if you say that enough times,
it loses all its meaning.
Punch. Punch. Punch!
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
You know, this guy is real funny.
You're being silly now, space ghost.
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
- Punch.
Space ghost, I oughta smack your teeth out over there.
Pu yeah, right.
Gentlemen, if I kissed you,
would you understand that I was simply being
You come near me, I'll take a big
eraser out and you'll be history.
Punch, punch.
No punch.
- Oh.
- Chips.
No. Punch!
Oh, yes. Of course.
Sorry about that.
What you looking at, man?
This wasn't my best interview, was it?
No, space ghost, you're great.
I used to watch you as a kid.
I'm glad you're still fightin' crime.
Thanks, Johnny!
When is this gonna air?
I don't know.
Moltar, when does this air?
Um, well, let's see.
First, we'll have to pull out all the dirty words you used.
Then we'll have to scramble around
and try to make this seem funny.
That'il take about 3 weeks worth of work, earth time.
Then the writers have to, basically,
write you out of the script.
There you have it.
- All right, space ghost.
- You fruit loop.
- All right, that's it.
- Get out.
- -
- Hey, space ghost?
Pretty good ad lib, huh?
Yeah, right.
You've seen our next guest on the price is right.
Please welcome dian Parkinson!
Oh, God.
- Hi, dian!
- Are you comfy?
Are we on or yes!
Are you serious?
Are we doing the scene now and you didn't even count it down?
- My little space ghost.
- How come you're doing this to me?
So what about the Bob barker affair?
A fair? I love fairs!
Lights, pony rides, cotton candy, lobster boy.
Tell me about the fair.
Ha ha ha ha.
- Avoiding the subject?
- Yes.
Dian, I have ways of making you talk about the fair.
Well, I don't know.
I'd say, dian, tell me about the fair!
- And you would answer.
- That's talking about it.
Ha ha ha ha.
Who this woman?
I think it's dian Parkinson.
And what's his name?
- That's zorak.
- Does he scare you?
No. He's just a grasshopper.
I'm a mantis.
You're a locust!
- Look me up.
- I'm a mantis.
Lokar is the locust.
Say! Youarea mantis!
I've been calling you a locust all this time.
You were?
Yes. Don't you pay attention?
Well, thanks a lot, Mr. mantis.
You're so important over there with that keyboard and everything
and you don't have to pay attention because the Mr. mantis
is way too important to be the sidekick.
Isn't that right, Mr. mantis?
Ha ha ha ha.
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