Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s02e05 Episode Script

Fire Drill

1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
Hey, do you think I'd get more business or less business
if, as my Christmas gift, I made up, like, 500 coffee mugs
that say "Mr. beefy"?
Less. More.
Less! More!
Um Less.
More. Less!
More. Less!
Gee. Gee, that's funny, because I sent
3 baskets here to the cartoon network
which everybody gobbled up,
and I never got thank-you note one for.
See? Less.
But what are you gonna do?
I sent these immense, gargantuan,
disgustingly overloaded baskets.
You know, that
yeah. You know what? I got to do that.
Next year. Next year.
Comfy, Donny?
Let's do it.
Now, I should be looking at you like
"who is this strange person,"
or is this kind of normal stuff?
This is totally serious.
Ok. Are there any other characters that may be talking?
Nope. Just me.
Besides zorak?
What's wrong with my character?
Oh, there's the, uh tar. What's his name?
Uh, moltar.
Monogamy's where it's at in the nineties.
He's a lava man.
Ha ha ha!
Is that so funny to you?
Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment
group and U.S. department of education
greetings. I'm space ghost.
Joining me tonight, chart-toppers David byrne and Donny osmond.
My first guest is a most singular fellow.
Please welcome David byrne.
Thank you very much for having me.
Welcome. So, is this the
ha ha ha!
Uh, David, are you having trouble with your power bands?
I just saw that you were having trouble with your power bands.
I'm ha ha ha!
We can talk about it after the show.
Thank you.
In a private room.
Oh, my gosh.
Uh No.
All these retro punks with their pale
white skin and their black clothing
and their friggin' moist music and oh, I'm only kidding!
I didn't say you were one.
Oop. See, there you go.
Now you took offense.
So, is this the first talk show you've ever been on?
Ha ha ha!
In outer space, of course.
Yes, it is. I hope it is not the last.
What do you mean by "it"?
I Can I come back to that? I sure. Thank you.
So, what have you been doing?
I find myself Living in a shotgun shack.
Lately, I've been traveling in a bus.
How lately?
Being a ghost, does that mean that, uh
that you have lived in a previous life?
Before this one.
I like that.
I hope the same thing happens to me.
What thing?
I would like to live in another dimension.
We would all like to do something, David.
Yes. Uh want to know what I'd like to do, David?
I'd like to uh, uh, I'd like to have arthro arthro
butt out. Knee surgery.
That's a good you, David?
Yes. I would like to be cute and blond.
I'll take the ceramic poodle for 3,000,
the bumper pool table for 4,200, uh
Pocket calculator for 7.95
And the rest on a gift certificate.
I canAssume a horizontal position.
Uh-huh. Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha! For many weeks. Ha ha!
Hee hee hee!
What about croutons, David?
I love them on a light salad.
Not a crouton man, but I like to put them in a separate dish.
Not a crouton man. Ha ha!
You can have my croutons and bac-os.
And how.
Maybe eat them later.
Mmm Yes, I see your point.
1, 2No, it's fine now.
Hello? Hello?
Yep. Now we're ok.
However, I find that in a salad,
they are used to inflate the size of the salad,
much as if it were styrofoam packing material.
I need some packing material.
Why do you need some packing material?
To pack. Pack what, zorak?
Some things.
What kind of things?
Zorak things.
Oh, really?
I myself, I'm a creature from Scotland.
Yes, really.
Going somewhere?
Where? From Scotland.
I said, going somewhere?
Oh. Yeah.
I'm putting my insides on the outside.
Uh-huh. That's what it's about.
Thank you very much for having me So,
this place you're going,
you'll be needing a lot of things?
I will, again and again.
Oh, yeah.
A lot of things.
Like 10 things, or maybe 12?
I believe it was Moses who brought the 10 condiments.
Sure, sure. Maybe everything.
Everything, huh?
I would like to go You know, just in case.
If you don't mind.
You know, I don't think you'll be going anywhere.
Mr. ghost?
Since you're not allowed to leave!
Ohhh, I think different.
You forgot to pack something.
Huh? What?
This destructo ray.
Ha ha ha!
Uh, no, thanks.
Oh, I think you need this destructo ray.
David? I forget.
What do you like on your salad again?
Oh, no! And I still don't have an answer.
Waiting Uh Anything that makes my skin tingle.
Croutons are what make me tingly.
I'm serious.
I'm crou-tingly.
I should hope so.
Before you go, is there anything you'd like to know about me?
Um Anything at all?
About me?
David, you're bringing me down, man.
You're bringing me down, man.
Umm Psst. Hey, moltar.
What? You're bringing me down, ma
we're in?
And you boys are rolling?
Uh, yes.
And we're definitely in. Yes!
You're bringing me down, man!
Ha ha ha!
All right-o.
My next guest
My next guest is Donny osmond!
Hi, Donny. Welcome to the show.
Thank you. Thank you, space ghost.
Tell us what's new with you.
No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not doing that.
Why not?
Because I've seen your show before,
and I've seen what you do to your
guests when they start plugging.
You cut to people yawning, you cut to boring things
while they talk about what they're doing,
so I'm not going to tell you that I'm going to release my
Behold the woolly panda.
It is plump and round.
The nearby sound of a throttling chainsaw frightens him.
"Eek, eek," says the panda.
I'm not going to fall prey to your tricks here.
So, Donny, is it true that ahem.
So, Donny, is it true that
Excuse me a second.
How you doing, zorak?
How do I do what?
Um, hmm.
I didn't know zorak was a singer.
Zorak is many things.
Do you have $5.00?
No. Do you?
I'll ask the questions here!
Next question.
Listen, I'm in L.A. soon, so I need to sleep on your couch.
For a whole month.
Why not? You afraid of me?
Don't want me in your house?
Afraid I might kick your butt?
Get my agent on the phone, quick!
They're building that birdman set next door.
I'll kick his butt.
Yeah, I'll kick your butt!
Calm down, everybody.
I'll calm down now.
All right, sir. Fair enough.
Donny osmond. Feh!
Ok. Let's just do it.
One thing that's bugging me.
Who's your sister?
Yeah. If Marie's a little bit country,
and you're a little bit rock and roll What's the rest of you?
I guess if I'm a little bit rock and roll,
the rest of me is composed of mostly water.
Liquid water?
It's the truth.
Made from scratch?
All right. Being an osmond, you must have many archenemies.
Space ghost, I'm Donny osmond. I don't have enemies.
Ha ha ha!
How about that bonaduce kid?
I heard you two were in a big fight.
I punched him in the nose, and I won that fight.
But it was fixed.
So you didn't win the fight.
I won the fight. Sure, Donny.
Set it up again! We'll have a rematch.
I'll beat him.
Like you did before.
'Cause I won the fight!
Ok, you won the fight. Who cares?
I won the fight.
Anything else?
How how did you get this show?
Did you did you audition for this or something?
I'm kidding you.
I'll be nice. I'll be kind.
So, besides those teeth, what superpowers do you have?
Um Everybody said I I can sing well.
Do it!
Do you like croutons?
Nuts? Croutons.
No, no no.
Grapes. They're better.
Better for idiots.
Does Marie eat grapes?
Why don't you get Marie on the show and let her
yeah! Why don't we get Marie on the show?
Moltar, I want Marie!
Call her agent.
Heh heh heh!
I don't watch that show.
Just have him call my agent and talk to my attorneys.
We'll set something up.
I think we can do this ourselves, Donny.
This isn't our first barbecue.
Hey, Donny, Donny. Donny!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Donny! What?
Where do we go when we die?
Fire drill!
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