Speechless (2016) s03e02 Episode Script
L-O-N-- LONDON (Part 2)
1 Look, I know you think all us dumb Americans are gonna try and get a reaction out of you, but Oh, God, he's out of control! Runaway wheelchair! Abandon your posts! [TIRES SQUEAL.]
Respect.
I finally have the relationship with my father I've always wanted, but if I ask him for the money, I could lose him forever.
Have you ever experienced anything like that? Oh, you have a great relationship with your father, Yeah.
Oh, it's your mother who's the problem? Hmm.
Mom! Why are we sightseeing? We need to be asking Grandpa for the money for the house.
I can't take this! Okay, can I tell you a secret? I just got off the phone with Grandfather, and he's going to give us the money.
But listen Under no circumstances can you ever mention the money to him.
It's a British pride thing.
Thank you, Mom.
I never should have doubted you.
Don't judge me! I'm gonna get the money.
I just, I hate the fact that I'm gonna break my father's heart.
Oh, good idea.
Give myself this last day to have fun with him and savor his love before perhaps never see Don't walk away! Oh.
Oh.
Shift change.
So, what's your dad like? Against all odds, it's happening again! Take cover! [TIRES SQUEAL.]
We got a flinch.
We got a flinch! TOGETHER: U.
S.
A.
! U.
S.
A.
! U.
S.
A.
! That was me last time I was here.
Touring with my band.
Simpler times.
Sound like great times.
Oh, the best.
This cool club we played is actually right down the street.
I could show you.
No, man, that sounds too boring.
Plus, I gotta get down to business.
Trip's almost over.
I gotta find myself a whirlwind romance.
Mind if I practice? "I didn't come to this pub expecting to meet the girl of my dreams.
" "But you're only here for a few days.
" "Then let's make the most of it.
" Ah.
To be single and however young you try to be.
Godspeed.
[PUNK ROCK PLAYING.]
B Is this you? I was literally coming over to put this song on.
Brilliant song.
Best second album of all time.
I dunno.
I'd probably go with "Metal Box" By the band on your shirt! Good taste in music.
Are you here on holiday? No, I'm here because my wife has to ask her father for a loan to save our house.
Similar boat here.
I got laid off recently.
Now I work for my father-in-law.
I just feel like such an - Ineffectual waste of space.
- Ineffectual waste of space.
Jimmy.
Rowan.
I didn't come to the pub expecting to make a new friend.
But I'm only here for a few days.
Then let's make the most of it.
Embarrassing confession I have never seen a London sunrise.
Huh.
I should probably head home.
I've got work in the morning.
Oh.
Oh.
Excuse me, bud.
I'm kind of in the middle of something.
[CHUCKLES.]
"I'm JJ.
Kenneth is my " C-A " caregiver and superhero.
" That's so sweet! I think I may have underestimated you.
Ahh.
I'd love to get to know you better.
Especially since I'm actually moving to California next month.
Oh.
Well, it was nice to meet you.
I gotta get this scamp home to bed.
Bye.
[CHUCKLES.]
Phew.
"See what I did there, superhero?" Uh, yeah, that was good until she turned into a stage-5 clinger.
"I can be your wingman.
" I appreciate that, but I have a bad history when it comes to adorable wingmen.
One time, I was backstage at a Spice Girls show, and Mel B.
and Mel C.
Wanted me.
But then I had to drive my dumb nieces home.
Why go to a concert when you have a bedtime? Oh, I don't know.
We got this whole house thing.
You did say Maya's out having fun.
But I don't care You're right.
It's not like she's somewhere crying right now.
[SOBBING.]
Don't be sad that you're leaving.
Look, I'll be coming regularly Christmas, birthdays, that stupid American holiday when everyone eats too much turkey and says how dreadful it was at the airport.
From now on, Maya, I am gonna stay in your life.
If there's anything at all that you want Anything Just say the word.
Anything? Anything.
So if I had a problem now, you'd fix it? Of course.
[PUNK ROCK PLAYING, CROWD CHEERING.]
Look! That's me, playing this club! ROWAN: You're a rock god! Do you want me to take that? Yeah! Oh, friendship is awesome! I'm really glad I met you, Rowan.
Between work and family, it's just I don't know.
I don't have time for friends anymore.
Yeah.
I feel the same way.
I wish you weren't leaving so soon.
Well, doesn't change what we shared tonight.
BFFs? British friends forever? This is me.
Oh.
Do you want to come up? [RECORD CRACKLING.]
[BOTH SNORING.]
I'm actually feeling pretty good about this.
As long as Father thinks the house problem is new and not the reason we came to London, then he's gonna give us the loan and also get to feel like a hero.
Always good to make family feel good about themselves before you trick them into giving you money.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Now, children, remember, one never speaks to one's grandfather about money loaned.
Ohh.
The nuanced rules here They're fascinating! - Ah! - Oh, hello, Father.
Is there somewhere quiet we could talk? No! TOGETHER: Surprise! Aunt Emma.
Andrew.
I thought our reunion called for a celebration.
I want them to see how much I love my daughter.
Do you hear that? I like my daughter! Out loud, it seemed a bit vulgar.
- Maya, nice to see you.
- This is our family.
All our lives, it's just been us.
Let's go connect.
We're a part of something.
Aren't you excited? Eh.
I been part of stuff before.
So, your sister's a track star and your brother's a filmmaker.
What are you? Um no one thing, really.
I guess I'm multifaceted.
Oh.
And what are some of these facets? Well, I love connecting with family, so this is me in my element.
Well, I wouldn't exactly say we're connecting.
I have no idea who you are.
Who are you?! Hey, Dad, can I borrow your phone? I do not have my phone.
I forgot it at a friend's place Like a guy with a friend would say.
My God.
Josephine.
Yeah, how you doin'? You're Dylan.
Just trying to keep it quick, man.
You don't understand.
You're the spitting image of my sister.
Josephine? She passed away last year.
Tough stuff.
Better place.
Uh [CHUCKLES.]
Dylan this is you.
Is that a tiger?! Dead Me rocks! "So, which of these ladies am I wingmanning you for?" You mean of these ladies who all resemble and remind me of your mom at this 10:00 a.
m.
party? I'm good.
Don't point at any of them.
I don't want any cousin butt! Right.
I've said my hellos.
Let's talk to Father.
We'll say the house has been sold out from under us.
Whoa! I need more than that.
What were we doing when the phone call came through? - Well, who cares? - I need detail.
Bad improviser.
I was talking to family.
You were on the terrace.
Ah, I'm never gonna remember all that.
Should I find someone else to help? No.
I think I got a way to make your terrace pitch work.
The trick is to grab your wrist with your other hand.
Oh, come on, pal.
At least try and get out.
I kid.
I kid.
He's a good sport.
She has Josephine's wit, too.
Oh, you think she's funny? Please.
I'm the funny one.
Are you? Say something funny.
Oh.
I mean, I can't just, like, do it out of nowhere.
Give me something to work with.
How was your day? Well, we drove up from Sussex this morning [SCOFFS.]
That's nothing.
Uh, did you see a fat guy? Did he fall down? Ray, check out Dead Me's tiger.
[GASPS.]
Oh, my! That's very interesting.
[SCOFFS.]
What's wrong, son? Ha ha.
"Ray matters.
" Really funny.
Oh.
Wait.
You're actually asking? I was, but to quote your generation, you've gone and made it weird.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I've just been trying to connect with family here, and I can't seem to break through.
Well, if you want to connect with your English relatives, it's, uh, perfectly simple.
Good manners, graciousness, and knowing when to end a conversation.
Graciousness, eh? Well, there is someone I want to very much thank for their generosity to my family, but I was forbidden.
Are you telling me they would want that? I think that would be the quickest way of getting out of this.
Hmm.
- Everyone! - [GROANS.]
A toast to my grandfather.
It's just us, boy.
And what is it you want so badly to thank me for? Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, don't mind if I do.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh! I, uh, never turn down cheese.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh! Someone took that as a challenge.
Challenge accepted.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Starting to get a little strange.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey! Are you herding cheese women to me? "You said no relatives.
" What is wrong with you? Just leave me alone, man.
Oh, he's coming.
And anguish.
What are we gonna do?! I don't know, Jimmy.
I mean, it only just happened.
What just happened, darling? Oh, Daddy, I don't want to burden you, but Jimmy just got a very disturbing phone call.
On the terrace.
Apparently, our landlord has sold the house, and we can't match the offer, so we're going to have to move, and and the kids are gonna have to leave school.
Ohh.
And this just happened.
Right in the middle of your trip to London to show your love for me.
What a dreadful coincidence.
Uh, not a coincidence.
They probably called because they knew we'd be out of the house.
And why would your landlord call at, uh 4:00 a.
m.
California time? Well because it was the lawyer who called, and they're London-based.
Ah! So, what's the lawyer's name? Ask me, Daddy! No, no.
No.
He was on the phone to him.
- You told me.
Remember? - Yes.
So, what's the lawyer's name? It is just the beginning of the questions, Jimmy.
Surely you can tell him a name.
Uh No? Perhaps we can guess it.
Uh, Christopher? Matthew? Sebastian? MAYA: Andrew? Colin? - Peter? - Steven? - Jeffrey? - Michael? - Norman? - Marlon? Something? Anything.
- Samuel! - You did it! - L - No.
Jackson.
I'm so sorry.
It just was.
Look, I'd love to provide the funds for this house, so let's talk to, uh, Mr.
, uh, Samuel L.
Jackson, Esquire, huh? Call him back.
I do not have my phone.
Well, we'll have to find some way to find him.
Because I really do want to save your house, because I am so happy that you came here just to show your love.
You've known all along.
How? I'm sensing a little tension here.
Might I suggest a thank-you? You don't know everything, Mom.
Oh, hell no! Whatever this is, I am not interested.
"I know I haven't helped, but trust me, this will be worth it.
" I was told to say, "This van is only for cool dudes who know how to party.
" Did he tell you to say it half-assed like that? I know how to party.
Let's go.
Yes, I came for the money, but then I got you,which was worth so much more.
And then I couldn't ask you, for fear I'd hurt you.
So you want the love and the money.
So, let's just recap, right? Both love money neither.
Oh, bloody hell, I didn't think about neither.
But the connection was real.
Well, I'll give you a chance to prove it, okay? If you want my love, it's yours.
If you want the money, take it.
I cannot give you both.
The memo is "Goodbye forever"? I mean, I hate the dilemma but hats off for the drama.
If you'd told me three days ago that we would get the money and I would never have to speak to my father again, I would've said, "Great! What's the catch?" I really thought I'd connected with him off the strength of my graciousness.
Roger Whitney Bill Hughes Takahara Yoshimoto I can't cash this.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Who's there? - No clue.
The day really can't get any worse.
Oh, good.
Have you come to gloat? No, I'm here to help.
Now, I know you've never cared for me Ugh! Get on with it.
Apologies.
I am a lady.
I will behave as such.
- Do go on.
- Martin is broke.
[BLEEP.]
you say? That check is worthless.
He was too proud to let you know the truth.
I do hope you have a relationship, but if you do, it can't be based on a lie.
Oh, you're helping.
How on Earth did I ever think you were anything other than absolutely lovely? Well, back then, you really were a spoiled-rotten little cow.
Yeah.
Just when I thought you were too nice to actually like.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, now that it's all out on the table you gonna go put an end to this? I'm gonna screw him to the wall.
Uh, are we there yet? Also, where are we going? [BEEPING.]
One of the two that got away?! "Your wingman is here to help you soar.
" Kind of lame, but I can't argue with your results.
So, which one is it Mel B.
or Mel C.
? Mel D.
?! What?! JIMMY: Kids, meet Daddy's friend.
- Jimmy.
- Hey, bud.
Uh, in the whirlwind of hanging out and connecting 'til the sun went down, I somehow forgot my phone.
[CHUCKLES.]
Classic best-friend mistake.
Jimmy, you really should have called before coming over.
MAN: Who's out there, Rowan? Y-You have company.
Who's this, then? Who are youthen? Nigel, meet Jimmy.
Jimmy, meet Nigel my best friend.
Ahh.
Jimmy, I didn't want you to find out this way.
The truth is, I'm not friendless.
I just really connected with you, and I wanted you to connect with me.
But this doesn't take away what we had.
Hey, um you enjoy this man.
Oh, I do.
Strange intonation there.
Weird.
Father, I've given this a lot of thought.
What we've found here is something I never allowed myself to hope for.
I love you.
But I have chosen the check.
Really? W-W Instead of the love? I'm afraid so.
Yes, I think I s-see what is happening here.
You want the love, but you like a good deal.
So, what about my love and this vase? No, thank you.
The love is nice, but you can't live in it.
Metaphorically, you can.
- You're broke! - No, I'm not! Yes, you are! Frances told me! Stupid nice people! There's no talking to them, is there? Buck up, Jimbo.
It's better to have liked and lost than to have never liked at all.
I just made that up.
Why am I not better at school? You think that's what I'm thinking about? I'm on the house, man.
It's okay to be upset about your friend, too.
Fine I suppose I do miss the kind of friends I had before life got in the way.
I-I did have them.
See, that's that's real.
I did not photoshop myself into this.
Might make you feel better to get in touch.
- Ugh.
- Text them.
If it will take us off the all-important topic of Daddy's friendships, I will.
Okay? You happy? You're way cooler than that Nigel dork.
He is a dork! Thank you! Why are you forcing this? I don't need you to be my wingman.
"Then what am I going to be?" What does that mean? "I saw something at your place Job applications.
" Oh.
JJ, I'm exploring my options.
I always figured I'd work for you until you graduated high school, and that's happening.
I should have said something.
"I'm not mad.
I don't expect you to be my aide forever.
" So why did you need to show me you could be a wingman? "If I had something to offer, we could stay friends.
" "Stay friends"? Dude.
I don't know what the next step is for either of us, but this It's not going anywhere.
You know that.
You don't know that? JJ, know that.
Have you been standing there this whole time? I don't have a lot of fans.
We're not fans! Not yet.
What kind of act is this? Ugh! I can't take all the up-and-downs! You're not like a father! You're like a crazy college boyfriend! And you're like the dancer that I cheated on your mother with.
You knew about that, right? Everyone knew about that! Oh, fine.
Why can't we just have a normal relationship without the lying and the drama and scheming? [HOARSELY.]
Because I'm dying of cancer.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Worth a try.
Can we just talk for once like normal people? I suppose.
Daddy, I need to borrow some money.
May I have some? I don't have any to give you.
I still love you.
Well, that sounds like the sort of back-and-forth that might not lead to 20 more years of estrangement.
Less fun, though.
- [PIGEONS COOING.]
- Pigeons in England are way slower.
[CELLPHONE CHIMES, BUZZES.]
Are you gonna check that? Nobody ever texts me but the Red Cross.
Universal donor! Take that, Nigel.
Who's "Phil Lead Guitar"? [CELLPHONE CHIMES, BUZZES.]
Oh.
He, uh, used to be in my band.
There's Carl, too.
Your phone's blowing up.
I have friends.
I have not-Rowan friends! [CELLPHONE BLOOPS.]
Mom's texting me.
Hear that? All of Ray's friends are texting him, too.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
I'm killing you.
Mom said to meet back at the hotel to say goodbye to Grandpa.
Uh, you guys go ahead.
I will catch up.
- [CELLPHONE CHIMES, BUZZES.]
- Friend text.
Friend text.
Ohh! Massive multi-car accident in Anaheim.
Donors needed.
Ah! Friend text! Goodbye, everyone.
Sorry I couldn't save the house.
We got something even better.
I'm referring to you.
He's not one for subtlety, is he? I find the wrong ones tend to be nonverbal.
Aw, Daddy, we'll be fine, house or no house.
This trip has been a bigger success than I could ever have dreamed of.
JIMMY: [THROUGH P.
A.
.]
I got the house! I got the house! What?! Maya, you're never gonna believe this.
I got back in touch with the guys from my band.
Carl is a loan officer.
Weird Pete is a mortgage broker Glen sells weed.
Not as useful, but still good to know.
They're gonna help us get the house! Jimmy, that's amazing! We're not alone! When we open our hearts and we're honest, we find we have family! In many forms.
Good God, son, let it be subtext.
Come on.
We're gonna celebrate By ruining the tour for everybody else.
You are not getting the microphone back.
[PUNK ROCK PLAYS.]
On a tour of one-night stands My suitcase and guitar in hand And every stop is neatly planned For a poet and a one-man band Homeward bound I wish I was Homeward bound Home, where my thought's escaping Home, where my music's playing Home, where my love lies waiting - [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
- Ow! - Uh-oh.
- Ohh.
We gotta move.
Respect.
I finally have the relationship with my father I've always wanted, but if I ask him for the money, I could lose him forever.
Have you ever experienced anything like that? Oh, you have a great relationship with your father, Yeah.
Oh, it's your mother who's the problem? Hmm.
Mom! Why are we sightseeing? We need to be asking Grandpa for the money for the house.
I can't take this! Okay, can I tell you a secret? I just got off the phone with Grandfather, and he's going to give us the money.
But listen Under no circumstances can you ever mention the money to him.
It's a British pride thing.
Thank you, Mom.
I never should have doubted you.
Don't judge me! I'm gonna get the money.
I just, I hate the fact that I'm gonna break my father's heart.
Oh, good idea.
Give myself this last day to have fun with him and savor his love before perhaps never see Don't walk away! Oh.
Oh.
Shift change.
So, what's your dad like? Against all odds, it's happening again! Take cover! [TIRES SQUEAL.]
We got a flinch.
We got a flinch! TOGETHER: U.
S.
A.
! U.
S.
A.
! U.
S.
A.
! That was me last time I was here.
Touring with my band.
Simpler times.
Sound like great times.
Oh, the best.
This cool club we played is actually right down the street.
I could show you.
No, man, that sounds too boring.
Plus, I gotta get down to business.
Trip's almost over.
I gotta find myself a whirlwind romance.
Mind if I practice? "I didn't come to this pub expecting to meet the girl of my dreams.
" "But you're only here for a few days.
" "Then let's make the most of it.
" Ah.
To be single and however young you try to be.
Godspeed.
[PUNK ROCK PLAYING.]
B Is this you? I was literally coming over to put this song on.
Brilliant song.
Best second album of all time.
I dunno.
I'd probably go with "Metal Box" By the band on your shirt! Good taste in music.
Are you here on holiday? No, I'm here because my wife has to ask her father for a loan to save our house.
Similar boat here.
I got laid off recently.
Now I work for my father-in-law.
I just feel like such an - Ineffectual waste of space.
- Ineffectual waste of space.
Jimmy.
Rowan.
I didn't come to the pub expecting to make a new friend.
But I'm only here for a few days.
Then let's make the most of it.
Embarrassing confession I have never seen a London sunrise.
Huh.
I should probably head home.
I've got work in the morning.
Oh.
Oh.
Excuse me, bud.
I'm kind of in the middle of something.
[CHUCKLES.]
"I'm JJ.
Kenneth is my " C-A " caregiver and superhero.
" That's so sweet! I think I may have underestimated you.
Ahh.
I'd love to get to know you better.
Especially since I'm actually moving to California next month.
Oh.
Well, it was nice to meet you.
I gotta get this scamp home to bed.
Bye.
[CHUCKLES.]
Phew.
"See what I did there, superhero?" Uh, yeah, that was good until she turned into a stage-5 clinger.
"I can be your wingman.
" I appreciate that, but I have a bad history when it comes to adorable wingmen.
One time, I was backstage at a Spice Girls show, and Mel B.
and Mel C.
Wanted me.
But then I had to drive my dumb nieces home.
Why go to a concert when you have a bedtime? Oh, I don't know.
We got this whole house thing.
You did say Maya's out having fun.
But I don't care You're right.
It's not like she's somewhere crying right now.
[SOBBING.]
Don't be sad that you're leaving.
Look, I'll be coming regularly Christmas, birthdays, that stupid American holiday when everyone eats too much turkey and says how dreadful it was at the airport.
From now on, Maya, I am gonna stay in your life.
If there's anything at all that you want Anything Just say the word.
Anything? Anything.
So if I had a problem now, you'd fix it? Of course.
[PUNK ROCK PLAYING, CROWD CHEERING.]
Look! That's me, playing this club! ROWAN: You're a rock god! Do you want me to take that? Yeah! Oh, friendship is awesome! I'm really glad I met you, Rowan.
Between work and family, it's just I don't know.
I don't have time for friends anymore.
Yeah.
I feel the same way.
I wish you weren't leaving so soon.
Well, doesn't change what we shared tonight.
BFFs? British friends forever? This is me.
Oh.
Do you want to come up? [RECORD CRACKLING.]
[BOTH SNORING.]
I'm actually feeling pretty good about this.
As long as Father thinks the house problem is new and not the reason we came to London, then he's gonna give us the loan and also get to feel like a hero.
Always good to make family feel good about themselves before you trick them into giving you money.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Now, children, remember, one never speaks to one's grandfather about money loaned.
Ohh.
The nuanced rules here They're fascinating! - Ah! - Oh, hello, Father.
Is there somewhere quiet we could talk? No! TOGETHER: Surprise! Aunt Emma.
Andrew.
I thought our reunion called for a celebration.
I want them to see how much I love my daughter.
Do you hear that? I like my daughter! Out loud, it seemed a bit vulgar.
- Maya, nice to see you.
- This is our family.
All our lives, it's just been us.
Let's go connect.
We're a part of something.
Aren't you excited? Eh.
I been part of stuff before.
So, your sister's a track star and your brother's a filmmaker.
What are you? Um no one thing, really.
I guess I'm multifaceted.
Oh.
And what are some of these facets? Well, I love connecting with family, so this is me in my element.
Well, I wouldn't exactly say we're connecting.
I have no idea who you are.
Who are you?! Hey, Dad, can I borrow your phone? I do not have my phone.
I forgot it at a friend's place Like a guy with a friend would say.
My God.
Josephine.
Yeah, how you doin'? You're Dylan.
Just trying to keep it quick, man.
You don't understand.
You're the spitting image of my sister.
Josephine? She passed away last year.
Tough stuff.
Better place.
Uh [CHUCKLES.]
Dylan this is you.
Is that a tiger?! Dead Me rocks! "So, which of these ladies am I wingmanning you for?" You mean of these ladies who all resemble and remind me of your mom at this 10:00 a.
m.
party? I'm good.
Don't point at any of them.
I don't want any cousin butt! Right.
I've said my hellos.
Let's talk to Father.
We'll say the house has been sold out from under us.
Whoa! I need more than that.
What were we doing when the phone call came through? - Well, who cares? - I need detail.
Bad improviser.
I was talking to family.
You were on the terrace.
Ah, I'm never gonna remember all that.
Should I find someone else to help? No.
I think I got a way to make your terrace pitch work.
The trick is to grab your wrist with your other hand.
Oh, come on, pal.
At least try and get out.
I kid.
I kid.
He's a good sport.
She has Josephine's wit, too.
Oh, you think she's funny? Please.
I'm the funny one.
Are you? Say something funny.
Oh.
I mean, I can't just, like, do it out of nowhere.
Give me something to work with.
How was your day? Well, we drove up from Sussex this morning [SCOFFS.]
That's nothing.
Uh, did you see a fat guy? Did he fall down? Ray, check out Dead Me's tiger.
[GASPS.]
Oh, my! That's very interesting.
[SCOFFS.]
What's wrong, son? Ha ha.
"Ray matters.
" Really funny.
Oh.
Wait.
You're actually asking? I was, but to quote your generation, you've gone and made it weird.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I've just been trying to connect with family here, and I can't seem to break through.
Well, if you want to connect with your English relatives, it's, uh, perfectly simple.
Good manners, graciousness, and knowing when to end a conversation.
Graciousness, eh? Well, there is someone I want to very much thank for their generosity to my family, but I was forbidden.
Are you telling me they would want that? I think that would be the quickest way of getting out of this.
Hmm.
- Everyone! - [GROANS.]
A toast to my grandfather.
It's just us, boy.
And what is it you want so badly to thank me for? Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, don't mind if I do.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh! I, uh, never turn down cheese.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh! Someone took that as a challenge.
Challenge accepted.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Starting to get a little strange.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey! Are you herding cheese women to me? "You said no relatives.
" What is wrong with you? Just leave me alone, man.
Oh, he's coming.
And anguish.
What are we gonna do?! I don't know, Jimmy.
I mean, it only just happened.
What just happened, darling? Oh, Daddy, I don't want to burden you, but Jimmy just got a very disturbing phone call.
On the terrace.
Apparently, our landlord has sold the house, and we can't match the offer, so we're going to have to move, and and the kids are gonna have to leave school.
Ohh.
And this just happened.
Right in the middle of your trip to London to show your love for me.
What a dreadful coincidence.
Uh, not a coincidence.
They probably called because they knew we'd be out of the house.
And why would your landlord call at, uh 4:00 a.
m.
California time? Well because it was the lawyer who called, and they're London-based.
Ah! So, what's the lawyer's name? Ask me, Daddy! No, no.
No.
He was on the phone to him.
- You told me.
Remember? - Yes.
So, what's the lawyer's name? It is just the beginning of the questions, Jimmy.
Surely you can tell him a name.
Uh No? Perhaps we can guess it.
Uh, Christopher? Matthew? Sebastian? MAYA: Andrew? Colin? - Peter? - Steven? - Jeffrey? - Michael? - Norman? - Marlon? Something? Anything.
- Samuel! - You did it! - L - No.
Jackson.
I'm so sorry.
It just was.
Look, I'd love to provide the funds for this house, so let's talk to, uh, Mr.
, uh, Samuel L.
Jackson, Esquire, huh? Call him back.
I do not have my phone.
Well, we'll have to find some way to find him.
Because I really do want to save your house, because I am so happy that you came here just to show your love.
You've known all along.
How? I'm sensing a little tension here.
Might I suggest a thank-you? You don't know everything, Mom.
Oh, hell no! Whatever this is, I am not interested.
"I know I haven't helped, but trust me, this will be worth it.
" I was told to say, "This van is only for cool dudes who know how to party.
" Did he tell you to say it half-assed like that? I know how to party.
Let's go.
Yes, I came for the money, but then I got you,which was worth so much more.
And then I couldn't ask you, for fear I'd hurt you.
So you want the love and the money.
So, let's just recap, right? Both love money neither.
Oh, bloody hell, I didn't think about neither.
But the connection was real.
Well, I'll give you a chance to prove it, okay? If you want my love, it's yours.
If you want the money, take it.
I cannot give you both.
The memo is "Goodbye forever"? I mean, I hate the dilemma but hats off for the drama.
If you'd told me three days ago that we would get the money and I would never have to speak to my father again, I would've said, "Great! What's the catch?" I really thought I'd connected with him off the strength of my graciousness.
Roger Whitney Bill Hughes Takahara Yoshimoto I can't cash this.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Who's there? - No clue.
The day really can't get any worse.
Oh, good.
Have you come to gloat? No, I'm here to help.
Now, I know you've never cared for me Ugh! Get on with it.
Apologies.
I am a lady.
I will behave as such.
- Do go on.
- Martin is broke.
[BLEEP.]
you say? That check is worthless.
He was too proud to let you know the truth.
I do hope you have a relationship, but if you do, it can't be based on a lie.
Oh, you're helping.
How on Earth did I ever think you were anything other than absolutely lovely? Well, back then, you really were a spoiled-rotten little cow.
Yeah.
Just when I thought you were too nice to actually like.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, now that it's all out on the table you gonna go put an end to this? I'm gonna screw him to the wall.
Uh, are we there yet? Also, where are we going? [BEEPING.]
One of the two that got away?! "Your wingman is here to help you soar.
" Kind of lame, but I can't argue with your results.
So, which one is it Mel B.
or Mel C.
? Mel D.
?! What?! JIMMY: Kids, meet Daddy's friend.
- Jimmy.
- Hey, bud.
Uh, in the whirlwind of hanging out and connecting 'til the sun went down, I somehow forgot my phone.
[CHUCKLES.]
Classic best-friend mistake.
Jimmy, you really should have called before coming over.
MAN: Who's out there, Rowan? Y-You have company.
Who's this, then? Who are youthen? Nigel, meet Jimmy.
Jimmy, meet Nigel my best friend.
Ahh.
Jimmy, I didn't want you to find out this way.
The truth is, I'm not friendless.
I just really connected with you, and I wanted you to connect with me.
But this doesn't take away what we had.
Hey, um you enjoy this man.
Oh, I do.
Strange intonation there.
Weird.
Father, I've given this a lot of thought.
What we've found here is something I never allowed myself to hope for.
I love you.
But I have chosen the check.
Really? W-W Instead of the love? I'm afraid so.
Yes, I think I s-see what is happening here.
You want the love, but you like a good deal.
So, what about my love and this vase? No, thank you.
The love is nice, but you can't live in it.
Metaphorically, you can.
- You're broke! - No, I'm not! Yes, you are! Frances told me! Stupid nice people! There's no talking to them, is there? Buck up, Jimbo.
It's better to have liked and lost than to have never liked at all.
I just made that up.
Why am I not better at school? You think that's what I'm thinking about? I'm on the house, man.
It's okay to be upset about your friend, too.
Fine I suppose I do miss the kind of friends I had before life got in the way.
I-I did have them.
See, that's that's real.
I did not photoshop myself into this.
Might make you feel better to get in touch.
- Ugh.
- Text them.
If it will take us off the all-important topic of Daddy's friendships, I will.
Okay? You happy? You're way cooler than that Nigel dork.
He is a dork! Thank you! Why are you forcing this? I don't need you to be my wingman.
"Then what am I going to be?" What does that mean? "I saw something at your place Job applications.
" Oh.
JJ, I'm exploring my options.
I always figured I'd work for you until you graduated high school, and that's happening.
I should have said something.
"I'm not mad.
I don't expect you to be my aide forever.
" So why did you need to show me you could be a wingman? "If I had something to offer, we could stay friends.
" "Stay friends"? Dude.
I don't know what the next step is for either of us, but this It's not going anywhere.
You know that.
You don't know that? JJ, know that.
Have you been standing there this whole time? I don't have a lot of fans.
We're not fans! Not yet.
What kind of act is this? Ugh! I can't take all the up-and-downs! You're not like a father! You're like a crazy college boyfriend! And you're like the dancer that I cheated on your mother with.
You knew about that, right? Everyone knew about that! Oh, fine.
Why can't we just have a normal relationship without the lying and the drama and scheming? [HOARSELY.]
Because I'm dying of cancer.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Worth a try.
Can we just talk for once like normal people? I suppose.
Daddy, I need to borrow some money.
May I have some? I don't have any to give you.
I still love you.
Well, that sounds like the sort of back-and-forth that might not lead to 20 more years of estrangement.
Less fun, though.
- [PIGEONS COOING.]
- Pigeons in England are way slower.
[CELLPHONE CHIMES, BUZZES.]
Are you gonna check that? Nobody ever texts me but the Red Cross.
Universal donor! Take that, Nigel.
Who's "Phil Lead Guitar"? [CELLPHONE CHIMES, BUZZES.]
Oh.
He, uh, used to be in my band.
There's Carl, too.
Your phone's blowing up.
I have friends.
I have not-Rowan friends! [CELLPHONE BLOOPS.]
Mom's texting me.
Hear that? All of Ray's friends are texting him, too.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
I'm killing you.
Mom said to meet back at the hotel to say goodbye to Grandpa.
Uh, you guys go ahead.
I will catch up.
- [CELLPHONE CHIMES, BUZZES.]
- Friend text.
Friend text.
Ohh! Massive multi-car accident in Anaheim.
Donors needed.
Ah! Friend text! Goodbye, everyone.
Sorry I couldn't save the house.
We got something even better.
I'm referring to you.
He's not one for subtlety, is he? I find the wrong ones tend to be nonverbal.
Aw, Daddy, we'll be fine, house or no house.
This trip has been a bigger success than I could ever have dreamed of.
JIMMY: [THROUGH P.
A.
.]
I got the house! I got the house! What?! Maya, you're never gonna believe this.
I got back in touch with the guys from my band.
Carl is a loan officer.
Weird Pete is a mortgage broker Glen sells weed.
Not as useful, but still good to know.
They're gonna help us get the house! Jimmy, that's amazing! We're not alone! When we open our hearts and we're honest, we find we have family! In many forms.
Good God, son, let it be subtext.
Come on.
We're gonna celebrate By ruining the tour for everybody else.
You are not getting the microphone back.
[PUNK ROCK PLAYS.]
On a tour of one-night stands My suitcase and guitar in hand And every stop is neatly planned For a poet and a one-man band Homeward bound I wish I was Homeward bound Home, where my thought's escaping Home, where my music's playing Home, where my love lies waiting - [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
- Ow! - Uh-oh.
- Ohh.
We gotta move.