MARVEL Spider-Man (2017) s02e01 Episode Script
How I Thwipped My Summer Vacation
1 [PETER PARKER.]
We're finally here The beach! - The beach is cool Pete, but - Oh.
Maybe you're a little too excited? Are you kidding, Miles? Between school at Horizon and superhero stuff, we never get to just be normal kids.
But even summer classes are done, so I'm finally gonna have the perfect vacation.
I made a Perfect Summer Vacation checklist.
See? And right at the top beach day.
You made a checklist of how to have fun? That's the opposite of fun.
[BOY CHUCKLES.]
Look at this.
Hmm? Some puny eggheads wound up on our beach, boys.
Let's give them a welcome.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Hey.
[LAUGHING.]
You think that's funny, weirdo? [LAUGHING.]
Classic bullies kicking sand.
Ah, exactly what would happen to normal kids.
I love summer! Uhh Mm Let's get away from this freak.
I can now cross "bully encounter" off my beach sub-list.
Lots left to do swimming, sand castles, jellyfish stings.
If we're gonna do all that, I need to fuel up.
Hot dogs.
Also on the list.
I'll go get 'em.
Come one, come all to our annual summer challenge.
Beat our boardwalk hot dog eating champion, and you'll win the cash prize! [ONLOOKERS MURMURING.]
We have a challenger.
Step up! Hmm.
Black Cat? That sneaky cat burglar's stealing from a hot dog contest? Peter Parker might need a vacation, but Spider-Man can never rest.
Just got to get this over with quickly.
So that I can get back to Miles with those hot dogs.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
- You.
- Look, Cat, I've got a whole list of things to do, and you've probably got I don't know yarn to bat around.
Why don't you give the money back, - and we'll call it a day? - Oh, sweetheart, I thought you'd know me better than that by now.
Ohh! Why did I make eye contact? Her bad luck powers.
Huh.
It's probably okay.
I've already decided this is going to be the best summer Whoa! [GROANS.]
She'd definitely win an Annoying Superpowers contest.
Mwah.
[GRUNTS.]
I'm sure I'll be fine.
I mean how long can Black Cat's bad luck even last? I just hope Miles isn't too bored while I'm goooone! [SLURPING.]
[PANTING.]
[SLURPING.]
Whoa! Whoa.
Ohh! Ohh! [SIGHS.]
Great.
Yeah! I finally got yooouuu! Okay, Black Cat, it's been fun lie but I've got someone who's probably tired of sitting around waiting for me, - so hand over the money.
- You'll never learn, will you? Wait.
What? Huh? Ugh.
[HACKING.]
Ha! See? That's how it feels.
Annoying, isn't it? Then prepare to be annoy - Uhh! - Ah! No more bad luck.
[SIGHS.]
Now to call the cops, return this money to the talking hot dog man [GRUNTING.]
I can't believe I just said that and salvage what's left of my perfect day.
[SPUTTERING.]
"Thwop"? They never make a "thwop" sound.
Great.
Dirt in the mechanism.
Gonna be a long crawl back to the beach.
[GROANING.]
[HOT DOG MAN.]
We have a wiener! The new champion is Miles Morales! [BURPS.]
And people said my big mouth was a problem.
Miles 1, haters 0.
Pete! You never came back with the hot dogs, and I was starving, so I won a lot of money.
You were right.
This was the perfect beach day.
Except you sort of totally completely missed it.
[SIGHS.]
I know.
More bad luck.
But don't worry.
There's a lot left on the list, and I'll make the perfect summer vacation happen yet.
All right.
Today I'll finally get to check something of my perfect Summer Vacation checklist.
[ORGAN.]
my first baseball game.
I may not know third base from a seventh-inning stretch, but Aunt May's a fan.
She'll catch me up.
Peter.
There you are.
Aunt May? You look great! Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
My game face.
It's my duty as a superfan to lend the team my support.
The New York Spirit rules! Uh, I feel a little underdressed.
Don't worry.
You probably won't jinx the team.
Probably.
Where is everybody? I thought the place would be packed.
We're playing the Short Sox, who we haven't lost to in a decade.
Last year, we won 47 to nothing, so people aren't that interested.
No suspense.
[BAT CLACKS.]
[GASPS.]
- [SPECTATORS.]
Aw! - What? Was that a good thing? The Short Sox got a home run? That hasn't happened in years! Yeah! Unless that's bad? [BAT CLACKS.]
Ohh! [SPECTATORS GROAN.]
Another homer? Impossible.
Definitely bad.
Right? I'm a nervous eater? Can you get us some snacks? Peanuts? Nah.
Nachos? Nah.
Peanut nachos.
Nah.
Hmm.
Let me think.
[SPECTATORS.]
Ohh! What? How could the ball have changed angular momentum like that? The basic physics don't add up.
[LAUGHING.]
Hmm.
I'm no expert on "sportology," but that's not right.
[SPECTATORS.]
Ohh! [LAUGHING.]
I'm no expert, but that seems like bad sportsmanship.
Remote controlling the ball? Yeah.
I'm gonna call that a foul.
Foul That's baseball, right? I'm not mixing up sports, am I? I wasn't doing anything.
Oh, so you're running away because you're innocent? Aah! Watch it! Hey! I thought I was here for baseball, not dodgeball.
[BAT CLACKS.]
[CHEERING.]
A line-drive home run? Ho-ho, we're back! The Spirit rules! Too bad Pete's missing this.
What's taking him so long? Oof! Uhh! How's that thing work? Magnetic waves? Magnetic waves, sound waves, air currents.
The forces of nature are controllable by me, - the Tinkerer.
- [CHUCKLES.]
The who now? The Tinkerer.
I invent things, sometimes evil things.
I'm a master criminal.
Nope.
Still not ringing a bell.
If you really are some super villain, why was your big plan to mess up a baseball game? I'm sick of my team always getting beaten.
You're some big hero, so you have no idea what it's like to lose time and time again.
Uh yeah.
No idea.
I just wanted to see my boys win for once.
Is that so wrong? Is cheating wrong? I'm gonna go with yes.
But, hey, at least I know who you are now, Tinkertron.
Tinkerer! And you're out! [CHUCKLES.]
[ORGAN PLAYS "CHARGE".]
Again, that is baseball I'm thinking of, right? [ORGAN.]
Sorry.
Long line at concessions.
You missed the comeback of the century.
The Spirit are crushing the Short Sox.
Sorry I missed all the action.
I'll have to come again next game.
Honey, I'm not superstitious, but maybe you shouldn't come to any more games.
You might be a jinx.
I'm running behind, Gwen.
I know.
Did he pick up? He lost his ticket, didn't he? [LOUD ROCK.]
How can you be late, Peter? Ross Calaban is your favorite singer, and these seats are amazing.
You didn't lose your ticket, did you? He lost his ticket, didn't he? No! I didn't lose the ticket.
I'll be there sooner than soon.
You'd better.
It's gonna start any minute.
Remember, this concert's on your Perfect Summer checklist.
Get here.
Whoa! Is that him? Ross Calaban? Whoa, guys, I've got a show to do.
Can I sign autographs after? [KNUCKLES CRACKING.]
Heh heh heh heh.
Let me go! [GRUNTING.]
Ah.
Something tells me those thugs aren't members of his fan club.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
Uhh! Dad, I want my birthday present.
Now, if ya know what's good for ya.
Heh.
My son knows what he wants, huh? That'll serve you well in business, kid.
I'll give you the business.
[CHUCKLING.]
Okay.
Take off the blindfold.
Huh? You see that? [TOOTING.]
It's that, uh It's the singer all the kids like.
Daddy did good, am I right? Ross Calaban! Sing, ya punk.
Now! Uh Oh, okay, okay, sure, yeah.
D-Do you Do you have music or I usually sing to music.
Dad, this guy might sing like an angel, but he don't hear too good.
Uh, take him out back and pop some sense into the pop star, boys.
Wait! No, no, no, no, no.
I could sing without music.
Sure.
Uh, no problem.
Hey! Hands off the megastar.
Spider-Man? Wow! Ross Calaban knows my name? Wow.
Spider-Man knows my name? - I'm a big fan.
- I'm a big fan.
Dad, the pajamaed mook is ruining my birthday! Oh, no, he ain't.
You're in my house now, see? Yow! What is Ohh! What was that? [MUFFLED SHOUTING.]
You're gonna turn yourself in peacefully? Great! Whoa! Huh.
[GRUNTS.]
Hey, hey.
Hey Ohh! You ruined my birthday! You're gonna sleep with the fishes! Aw, come on, kiddo.
That's not a nice thing to say.
And this ain't a nice thing to do.
[YELLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[YELLING.]
Aahh! Crazy monkey ninja boy! Crazy monkey ninja boy! Stand and fight, ya loser! I can't hit a seven-year-old.
I just turned eight.
[GRUNTS.]
[YELLS.]
Kid, wait! Eh, what do you want, ya crooner? To make a deal.
Leave Spidey alone, and I'll take a selfie with you.
So? Everyone will think it's fake.
I'll post it myself.
Your popularity will go through the roof.
All the other kids will want you to be their third grade mob boss or whatever.
I like the sound of that.
Deal.
Well, saved by the power of celebrity.
Spidey, move.
You're gonna ruin my pic.
Formaggio.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
You sure you don't want to come backstage? Thanks, but I got friends already inside waiting.
Thank you, Spider-Man.
I owe you.
Break a leg.
[MAN.]
Ticket.
I got it right, uh uh I had it.
Where'd it go? Nice try, buddy.
Gwen? Yeah, I'm finally here, but, uh, you were right.
I lost my ticket.
Sorry.
We'll catch up later.
[ROSS.]
Hello, New York! Sorry I'm late.
I'd like to dedicate tonight's show to a friend of mine Spider-Man! "Friend"? The Ross Calaban said I'm his friend? Yes! That makes me almost cool.
[HUMMING.]
Ahh Mmm Oh, yeah! [MILES.]
They thought they were always prepared, but nothing prepares you for the Mummy of the Hills! [BOYS SCREAMING.]
So spooky! [GIGGLING.]
Miles, no offense, but you're absolutely terrible at telling campfire stories.
Seriously.
And fact check mummies are from dry places like Egyptian deserts, not lush forests.
Ha! I know, right? So unexpected.
That's why it's so spooky.
Right, Peter? Uh, right.
Spooky.
Or not spooky.
What were we talking about? Huh.
See? I scared him senseless.
[GWEN.]
You okay, Pete? You're a million miles away.
I'm sorry.
It's just You know I made that Perfect Summer Vacation checklist? But nothing's really worked out.
Now the summer's almost over, and I've checked off next to nothing.
Camping was on the list, right? And we're here.
Even if we have to listen to Miles' awful ghost stories, don't quit on us, Parker.
There's still time to have a great summer.
Yeah.
Maybe.
Or maybe not, if ghosts get us.
Ghosts don't exist, Miles.
Oh, yeah? I've never heard a ghost say that.
Seriously, this area's supposed to be haunted.
My cousin heard it from his friend's aunt, so it's the real deal.
It all started with a shadowy form flying through the treetops.
Then [GROANS.]
I'm headed for bed before Miles gets going again.
- Good night, everyone.
- Night, guys.
I'll clean up.
I wouldn't want you out in the open in case any ghosts or mummies come by.
I know you're kidding, but good point.
Anya? Gwen? Is that you? Hey! Our stuff! Huh? [GRUNTS.]
Come out, come out, whatever you are.
If you're the Mummy of the Hills, you should know that you're supposed to be in a drier climate.
Huh? Whoa! Okay, what are you, the ghost of a tree trimmer? [GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Whoa! My name is Nocturnal, for I hunt by night.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Oh, you got some nasty toenails there.
[SCREECHES.]
[GRUNTS.]
Did you just peck at me? I don't give a hoot who you are.
That's just rude.
Aah! Super creepy! [GRUNTING.]
Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man! Are you gonna drink my blood? What? Why would I do that? Weird.
That's what spiders do, right? To things caught in their webs? I don't carry the theme that far.
Why were you stealing that stuff? I'm starving, man.
I need food.
Food? Don't owls just eat rodents? I don't carry the theme that far.
Touché.
So, have you been out here for long? No.
But I've had to hide in these hills for weeks.
Ever since a lab accident made me into this owl dude, my parents, my friends they all ran me out.
They think I'm a monster.
Lab accidents are one of my pet peeves, too.
It's how I got my powers.
Really? A lab accident turned you into a sick spider freak? I prefer the term "awesome spider cool guy," but yeah.
Then why are you not out here like me hated, living in the trees, and stealing food to survive? I I've always had people around me who accepted me for who I am, I guess, whether I'm a science geek or a superhero.
- You're one lucky dude.
- Yeah.
I guess I am.
I'm sorry you feel you have to hide, but I know there are good people out there who would help.
In fact, there's some people in that camp you should meet.
[ANIMAL HOWLING.]
Nocturnal, wait! My own parents kicked me out, and you want me to trust strangers? I'm not ready, man.
Maybe someday.
Someday soon, I hope.
Here.
I stole this from them.
No.
They'd want you to keep it.
They're pretty great like that.
What's all this? Breakfast? Yep.
Hope that's okay.
I don't know.
Will it somehow ruin the camping trip? [CHUCKLES.]
Sorry I was such a downer last night.
I was so obsessed about not living up to my perfect summer, I didn't realize I was already having it spending time with you guys.
That's what really matters, right? Of course, Pete.
You're really important to us, too.
Besides, any apology said with food is an apology I can accept.
Oh.
You know the story about the guy with the hook? Oh, no, wait.
That's the ending.
Uch! Let me start over.
[LAUGHTER.]
One week of summer left.
Let's see how I'm doing on the whole Perfect Summer Vacation checklist.
Trip to the beach, which I had to abandon 'cause of Black Cat.
Baseball game ruined by the Tinkerer.
Concert.
I missed that whole show, thanks to Hammerhead, but I did get to meet Ross Calaban, so I'm calling that even.
And camping.
Total win, despite the mysterious owl boy.
So, that's one win, two losses, and a tie.
[SIGHS.]
Good thing school's starting soon 'cause winning at summer vacation is a lot harder than I realized.
[PHONE BEEPING.]
Whoa.
Guess I missed some messages when I was out of range camping.
Peter.
Max Modell here.
Was hoping to schedule time for you to come in and train your replacement as my lab assistant.
"Replacement"? Yeah.
The board only authorizes that position for first-year students.
I assumed you knew that, Peter.
Of course.
I totally knew that.
Of course I totally didn't know that.
Uhh! How am I going to afford Horizon this year? I can't ask Aunt May or Harry for money.
They've already done enough for me.
This is on you, Peter.
[SLURPING.]
You're a smart kid.
You'll find a part-time job with no problem.
Hi.
My name's Peter Parker.
And if you'll look at my résumé, you'll see that [EXPLOSION.]
y-you you'll see that I'm e-experienced in, uh - [POLICE OFFICER.]
Freeze, Scorpion! - I'm so sorry.
I, uh My aunt's calling.
I gotta take this.
[GRUNTS.]
Sorry about that.
There was a pest problem I had to take care of.
[MAN.]
I'm sorry, but we just filled the position.
Oh, this? Uh, it's just a little sand-based accident on the way here.
It's no big deal, really.
Uhh Goo? What goo? Oh, man! I've had a long morning.
[MUFFLED YELL.]
[PANTS.]
What's this? Oh, I have to give this back to the police.
I mean, not the police.
Why would I even say that? I mean, for charity.
Parking meters.
Parking meter charity.
Wow.
Being Spider-Man really puts a crimp in a person's job hunt.
Hey, Pete.
Long time, no see.
Randy Robertson? How have you been? I've been having the perfect summer vacation.
What have you been up to? [CHUCKLES.]
Interviewing for part-time jobs, Randy, and having zero luck.
Well, my dad works at that media company, the Daily Bugle.
They're expanding, doing a lot of hiring.
Want me to see if I can get you an interview? A job? Listen, Peter Palmer Peter Parker.
The Daily Bugle's a top-tier multi-platform news organization.
Call me back when you can grow facial hair.
Brock, this is the footage I've been waiting on? I thought you were a pro! I can't use this! My grandma could take better video of Spider-Man, and she's not even alive anymore! I'd pay through the roof if anyone could get me some good clean footage of this Spider-Man! Paying for shots of Spider-Man? Hmm.
Maybe I'm gonna be able to afford school this year after all.
We're finally here The beach! - The beach is cool Pete, but - Oh.
Maybe you're a little too excited? Are you kidding, Miles? Between school at Horizon and superhero stuff, we never get to just be normal kids.
But even summer classes are done, so I'm finally gonna have the perfect vacation.
I made a Perfect Summer Vacation checklist.
See? And right at the top beach day.
You made a checklist of how to have fun? That's the opposite of fun.
[BOY CHUCKLES.]
Look at this.
Hmm? Some puny eggheads wound up on our beach, boys.
Let's give them a welcome.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Hey.
[LAUGHING.]
You think that's funny, weirdo? [LAUGHING.]
Classic bullies kicking sand.
Ah, exactly what would happen to normal kids.
I love summer! Uhh Mm Let's get away from this freak.
I can now cross "bully encounter" off my beach sub-list.
Lots left to do swimming, sand castles, jellyfish stings.
If we're gonna do all that, I need to fuel up.
Hot dogs.
Also on the list.
I'll go get 'em.
Come one, come all to our annual summer challenge.
Beat our boardwalk hot dog eating champion, and you'll win the cash prize! [ONLOOKERS MURMURING.]
We have a challenger.
Step up! Hmm.
Black Cat? That sneaky cat burglar's stealing from a hot dog contest? Peter Parker might need a vacation, but Spider-Man can never rest.
Just got to get this over with quickly.
So that I can get back to Miles with those hot dogs.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
- You.
- Look, Cat, I've got a whole list of things to do, and you've probably got I don't know yarn to bat around.
Why don't you give the money back, - and we'll call it a day? - Oh, sweetheart, I thought you'd know me better than that by now.
Ohh! Why did I make eye contact? Her bad luck powers.
Huh.
It's probably okay.
I've already decided this is going to be the best summer Whoa! [GROANS.]
She'd definitely win an Annoying Superpowers contest.
Mwah.
[GRUNTS.]
I'm sure I'll be fine.
I mean how long can Black Cat's bad luck even last? I just hope Miles isn't too bored while I'm goooone! [SLURPING.]
[PANTING.]
[SLURPING.]
Whoa! Whoa.
Ohh! Ohh! [SIGHS.]
Great.
Yeah! I finally got yooouuu! Okay, Black Cat, it's been fun lie but I've got someone who's probably tired of sitting around waiting for me, - so hand over the money.
- You'll never learn, will you? Wait.
What? Huh? Ugh.
[HACKING.]
Ha! See? That's how it feels.
Annoying, isn't it? Then prepare to be annoy - Uhh! - Ah! No more bad luck.
[SIGHS.]
Now to call the cops, return this money to the talking hot dog man [GRUNTING.]
I can't believe I just said that and salvage what's left of my perfect day.
[SPUTTERING.]
"Thwop"? They never make a "thwop" sound.
Great.
Dirt in the mechanism.
Gonna be a long crawl back to the beach.
[GROANING.]
[HOT DOG MAN.]
We have a wiener! The new champion is Miles Morales! [BURPS.]
And people said my big mouth was a problem.
Miles 1, haters 0.
Pete! You never came back with the hot dogs, and I was starving, so I won a lot of money.
You were right.
This was the perfect beach day.
Except you sort of totally completely missed it.
[SIGHS.]
I know.
More bad luck.
But don't worry.
There's a lot left on the list, and I'll make the perfect summer vacation happen yet.
All right.
Today I'll finally get to check something of my perfect Summer Vacation checklist.
[ORGAN.]
my first baseball game.
I may not know third base from a seventh-inning stretch, but Aunt May's a fan.
She'll catch me up.
Peter.
There you are.
Aunt May? You look great! Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
My game face.
It's my duty as a superfan to lend the team my support.
The New York Spirit rules! Uh, I feel a little underdressed.
Don't worry.
You probably won't jinx the team.
Probably.
Where is everybody? I thought the place would be packed.
We're playing the Short Sox, who we haven't lost to in a decade.
Last year, we won 47 to nothing, so people aren't that interested.
No suspense.
[BAT CLACKS.]
[GASPS.]
- [SPECTATORS.]
Aw! - What? Was that a good thing? The Short Sox got a home run? That hasn't happened in years! Yeah! Unless that's bad? [BAT CLACKS.]
Ohh! [SPECTATORS GROAN.]
Another homer? Impossible.
Definitely bad.
Right? I'm a nervous eater? Can you get us some snacks? Peanuts? Nah.
Nachos? Nah.
Peanut nachos.
Nah.
Hmm.
Let me think.
[SPECTATORS.]
Ohh! What? How could the ball have changed angular momentum like that? The basic physics don't add up.
[LAUGHING.]
Hmm.
I'm no expert on "sportology," but that's not right.
[SPECTATORS.]
Ohh! [LAUGHING.]
I'm no expert, but that seems like bad sportsmanship.
Remote controlling the ball? Yeah.
I'm gonna call that a foul.
Foul That's baseball, right? I'm not mixing up sports, am I? I wasn't doing anything.
Oh, so you're running away because you're innocent? Aah! Watch it! Hey! I thought I was here for baseball, not dodgeball.
[BAT CLACKS.]
[CHEERING.]
A line-drive home run? Ho-ho, we're back! The Spirit rules! Too bad Pete's missing this.
What's taking him so long? Oof! Uhh! How's that thing work? Magnetic waves? Magnetic waves, sound waves, air currents.
The forces of nature are controllable by me, - the Tinkerer.
- [CHUCKLES.]
The who now? The Tinkerer.
I invent things, sometimes evil things.
I'm a master criminal.
Nope.
Still not ringing a bell.
If you really are some super villain, why was your big plan to mess up a baseball game? I'm sick of my team always getting beaten.
You're some big hero, so you have no idea what it's like to lose time and time again.
Uh yeah.
No idea.
I just wanted to see my boys win for once.
Is that so wrong? Is cheating wrong? I'm gonna go with yes.
But, hey, at least I know who you are now, Tinkertron.
Tinkerer! And you're out! [CHUCKLES.]
[ORGAN PLAYS "CHARGE".]
Again, that is baseball I'm thinking of, right? [ORGAN.]
Sorry.
Long line at concessions.
You missed the comeback of the century.
The Spirit are crushing the Short Sox.
Sorry I missed all the action.
I'll have to come again next game.
Honey, I'm not superstitious, but maybe you shouldn't come to any more games.
You might be a jinx.
I'm running behind, Gwen.
I know.
Did he pick up? He lost his ticket, didn't he? [LOUD ROCK.]
How can you be late, Peter? Ross Calaban is your favorite singer, and these seats are amazing.
You didn't lose your ticket, did you? He lost his ticket, didn't he? No! I didn't lose the ticket.
I'll be there sooner than soon.
You'd better.
It's gonna start any minute.
Remember, this concert's on your Perfect Summer checklist.
Get here.
Whoa! Is that him? Ross Calaban? Whoa, guys, I've got a show to do.
Can I sign autographs after? [KNUCKLES CRACKING.]
Heh heh heh heh.
Let me go! [GRUNTING.]
Ah.
Something tells me those thugs aren't members of his fan club.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
Uhh! Dad, I want my birthday present.
Now, if ya know what's good for ya.
Heh.
My son knows what he wants, huh? That'll serve you well in business, kid.
I'll give you the business.
[CHUCKLING.]
Okay.
Take off the blindfold.
Huh? You see that? [TOOTING.]
It's that, uh It's the singer all the kids like.
Daddy did good, am I right? Ross Calaban! Sing, ya punk.
Now! Uh Oh, okay, okay, sure, yeah.
D-Do you Do you have music or I usually sing to music.
Dad, this guy might sing like an angel, but he don't hear too good.
Uh, take him out back and pop some sense into the pop star, boys.
Wait! No, no, no, no, no.
I could sing without music.
Sure.
Uh, no problem.
Hey! Hands off the megastar.
Spider-Man? Wow! Ross Calaban knows my name? Wow.
Spider-Man knows my name? - I'm a big fan.
- I'm a big fan.
Dad, the pajamaed mook is ruining my birthday! Oh, no, he ain't.
You're in my house now, see? Yow! What is Ohh! What was that? [MUFFLED SHOUTING.]
You're gonna turn yourself in peacefully? Great! Whoa! Huh.
[GRUNTS.]
Hey, hey.
Hey Ohh! You ruined my birthday! You're gonna sleep with the fishes! Aw, come on, kiddo.
That's not a nice thing to say.
And this ain't a nice thing to do.
[YELLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[YELLING.]
Aahh! Crazy monkey ninja boy! Crazy monkey ninja boy! Stand and fight, ya loser! I can't hit a seven-year-old.
I just turned eight.
[GRUNTS.]
[YELLS.]
Kid, wait! Eh, what do you want, ya crooner? To make a deal.
Leave Spidey alone, and I'll take a selfie with you.
So? Everyone will think it's fake.
I'll post it myself.
Your popularity will go through the roof.
All the other kids will want you to be their third grade mob boss or whatever.
I like the sound of that.
Deal.
Well, saved by the power of celebrity.
Spidey, move.
You're gonna ruin my pic.
Formaggio.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
You sure you don't want to come backstage? Thanks, but I got friends already inside waiting.
Thank you, Spider-Man.
I owe you.
Break a leg.
[MAN.]
Ticket.
I got it right, uh uh I had it.
Where'd it go? Nice try, buddy.
Gwen? Yeah, I'm finally here, but, uh, you were right.
I lost my ticket.
Sorry.
We'll catch up later.
[ROSS.]
Hello, New York! Sorry I'm late.
I'd like to dedicate tonight's show to a friend of mine Spider-Man! "Friend"? The Ross Calaban said I'm his friend? Yes! That makes me almost cool.
[HUMMING.]
Ahh Mmm Oh, yeah! [MILES.]
They thought they were always prepared, but nothing prepares you for the Mummy of the Hills! [BOYS SCREAMING.]
So spooky! [GIGGLING.]
Miles, no offense, but you're absolutely terrible at telling campfire stories.
Seriously.
And fact check mummies are from dry places like Egyptian deserts, not lush forests.
Ha! I know, right? So unexpected.
That's why it's so spooky.
Right, Peter? Uh, right.
Spooky.
Or not spooky.
What were we talking about? Huh.
See? I scared him senseless.
[GWEN.]
You okay, Pete? You're a million miles away.
I'm sorry.
It's just You know I made that Perfect Summer Vacation checklist? But nothing's really worked out.
Now the summer's almost over, and I've checked off next to nothing.
Camping was on the list, right? And we're here.
Even if we have to listen to Miles' awful ghost stories, don't quit on us, Parker.
There's still time to have a great summer.
Yeah.
Maybe.
Or maybe not, if ghosts get us.
Ghosts don't exist, Miles.
Oh, yeah? I've never heard a ghost say that.
Seriously, this area's supposed to be haunted.
My cousin heard it from his friend's aunt, so it's the real deal.
It all started with a shadowy form flying through the treetops.
Then [GROANS.]
I'm headed for bed before Miles gets going again.
- Good night, everyone.
- Night, guys.
I'll clean up.
I wouldn't want you out in the open in case any ghosts or mummies come by.
I know you're kidding, but good point.
Anya? Gwen? Is that you? Hey! Our stuff! Huh? [GRUNTS.]
Come out, come out, whatever you are.
If you're the Mummy of the Hills, you should know that you're supposed to be in a drier climate.
Huh? Whoa! Okay, what are you, the ghost of a tree trimmer? [GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Whoa! My name is Nocturnal, for I hunt by night.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Oh, you got some nasty toenails there.
[SCREECHES.]
[GRUNTS.]
Did you just peck at me? I don't give a hoot who you are.
That's just rude.
Aah! Super creepy! [GRUNTING.]
Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man! Are you gonna drink my blood? What? Why would I do that? Weird.
That's what spiders do, right? To things caught in their webs? I don't carry the theme that far.
Why were you stealing that stuff? I'm starving, man.
I need food.
Food? Don't owls just eat rodents? I don't carry the theme that far.
Touché.
So, have you been out here for long? No.
But I've had to hide in these hills for weeks.
Ever since a lab accident made me into this owl dude, my parents, my friends they all ran me out.
They think I'm a monster.
Lab accidents are one of my pet peeves, too.
It's how I got my powers.
Really? A lab accident turned you into a sick spider freak? I prefer the term "awesome spider cool guy," but yeah.
Then why are you not out here like me hated, living in the trees, and stealing food to survive? I I've always had people around me who accepted me for who I am, I guess, whether I'm a science geek or a superhero.
- You're one lucky dude.
- Yeah.
I guess I am.
I'm sorry you feel you have to hide, but I know there are good people out there who would help.
In fact, there's some people in that camp you should meet.
[ANIMAL HOWLING.]
Nocturnal, wait! My own parents kicked me out, and you want me to trust strangers? I'm not ready, man.
Maybe someday.
Someday soon, I hope.
Here.
I stole this from them.
No.
They'd want you to keep it.
They're pretty great like that.
What's all this? Breakfast? Yep.
Hope that's okay.
I don't know.
Will it somehow ruin the camping trip? [CHUCKLES.]
Sorry I was such a downer last night.
I was so obsessed about not living up to my perfect summer, I didn't realize I was already having it spending time with you guys.
That's what really matters, right? Of course, Pete.
You're really important to us, too.
Besides, any apology said with food is an apology I can accept.
Oh.
You know the story about the guy with the hook? Oh, no, wait.
That's the ending.
Uch! Let me start over.
[LAUGHTER.]
One week of summer left.
Let's see how I'm doing on the whole Perfect Summer Vacation checklist.
Trip to the beach, which I had to abandon 'cause of Black Cat.
Baseball game ruined by the Tinkerer.
Concert.
I missed that whole show, thanks to Hammerhead, but I did get to meet Ross Calaban, so I'm calling that even.
And camping.
Total win, despite the mysterious owl boy.
So, that's one win, two losses, and a tie.
[SIGHS.]
Good thing school's starting soon 'cause winning at summer vacation is a lot harder than I realized.
[PHONE BEEPING.]
Whoa.
Guess I missed some messages when I was out of range camping.
Peter.
Max Modell here.
Was hoping to schedule time for you to come in and train your replacement as my lab assistant.
"Replacement"? Yeah.
The board only authorizes that position for first-year students.
I assumed you knew that, Peter.
Of course.
I totally knew that.
Of course I totally didn't know that.
Uhh! How am I going to afford Horizon this year? I can't ask Aunt May or Harry for money.
They've already done enough for me.
This is on you, Peter.
[SLURPING.]
You're a smart kid.
You'll find a part-time job with no problem.
Hi.
My name's Peter Parker.
And if you'll look at my résumé, you'll see that [EXPLOSION.]
y-you you'll see that I'm e-experienced in, uh - [POLICE OFFICER.]
Freeze, Scorpion! - I'm so sorry.
I, uh My aunt's calling.
I gotta take this.
[GRUNTS.]
Sorry about that.
There was a pest problem I had to take care of.
[MAN.]
I'm sorry, but we just filled the position.
Oh, this? Uh, it's just a little sand-based accident on the way here.
It's no big deal, really.
Uhh Goo? What goo? Oh, man! I've had a long morning.
[MUFFLED YELL.]
[PANTS.]
What's this? Oh, I have to give this back to the police.
I mean, not the police.
Why would I even say that? I mean, for charity.
Parking meters.
Parking meter charity.
Wow.
Being Spider-Man really puts a crimp in a person's job hunt.
Hey, Pete.
Long time, no see.
Randy Robertson? How have you been? I've been having the perfect summer vacation.
What have you been up to? [CHUCKLES.]
Interviewing for part-time jobs, Randy, and having zero luck.
Well, my dad works at that media company, the Daily Bugle.
They're expanding, doing a lot of hiring.
Want me to see if I can get you an interview? A job? Listen, Peter Palmer Peter Parker.
The Daily Bugle's a top-tier multi-platform news organization.
Call me back when you can grow facial hair.
Brock, this is the footage I've been waiting on? I thought you were a pro! I can't use this! My grandma could take better video of Spider-Man, and she's not even alive anymore! I'd pay through the roof if anyone could get me some good clean footage of this Spider-Man! Paying for shots of Spider-Man? Hmm.
Maybe I'm gonna be able to afford school this year after all.