SpongeBob SquarePants s01e01 Episode Script
Help Wanted
1 Are you ready, kids? KIDS: Aye, aye, Captain! I can't hear you.
( louder ): Aye, aye, Captain! Oh Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants! Absorbent and yellow and porous is he SpongeBob SquarePants! If nautical nonsense be something you wish SpongeBob SquarePants! Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish SpongeBob SquarePants! Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! ( Captain laughs heartily ) ( plays airy tune ) NARRATOR: Ah, the sea.
So fascinating, so wonderful.
Here, we see Bikini Bottom teeming with life, home of one of my favorite creatures, SpongeBob SquarePants.
Yes, of course he lives in a pineapple, you silly.
( clock ticking ) ( snoring ) ( spring boinging ) ( foghorn blowing ) ( snoring continues ) Today's the big day, Gary.
( meows ) Look at me, I'm naked! Got to be in top physical condition for today, Gary.
( meows ) ( exhales loudly ) ( grunting ) ( groaning ) ( panting ) ( strained yell ) ( toys squeak ) SPONGEBOB: I'm ready! I'm ready.
I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready Go, SpongeBob.
Whoa! ( crashing ) There it is the finest eating establishment ever established for eating.
The Krusty Krab home of the Krabby Patty ( exhaust gurgles ) with a "help wanted" sign in the window.
For years I've been dreaming of this moment.
I'm going to go in there, march straight to the manager, look him straight in the eye, lay it on the line and I can't do this.
Patrick! Where do you think you're going? I was just No, you're not.
You're going to the Krusty Krab and get that job! I can't, don't you see? I'm not good enough.
Whose first words were "May I take your order"? Mine were.
Who made a spatula out of toothpicks in wood shop? I did.
Who's the? ( teeth grinding ) Who's ( dramatic music playing ) Who's a big yellow cube with holes? I am! Who's ready? I'm ready! Who's ready? I'm ready! Who's ready? I'm ready! I'm ready, I'm ready! I'm ready I'm ready, I'm ready I'm ready! Oh, no.
SpongeBob.
I'm ready, I'm ready I'm ready! What could he possibly want? Go, SpongeBob.
Go, SpongeBob.
Go, SpongeBob.
Go self! Aah! Mr.
Krabs! Hurry, Mr.
Krabs.
Before it's too late.
I got to tell you SPONGEBOB: Permission to come aboard, Captain? ( deep voice ): I've been training my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty crew.
( normal voice ): And now I'm ready.
Whoa! ( hollering and grunting ) ( hollering and grunting ) So, uh, when do I start? Well, lad, it looks like you don't even have your sea legs.
Mr.
Krabs, please.
I'll prove I'm fry cook material.
Ask Squidward.
He'll vouch for me.
No.
Well, lad, we'll give you a test, and if you pass, you'll be on the Krusty crew.
Go out and fetch me, uh a hydrodynamic spatula with um port and starboard attachments, and uh, a turbo drive.
And don't come back till you get one.
Aye, aye, Captain.
One hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments, turbo drive, coming right up, sir.
Carry on.
We'll never see that lubber again.
You're terrible.
A hydro what?! ( both laughing ) SUB DRIVER: Hey! Hey! Please! Passengers are to remain seated and do not put their hands out the window.
( sub doors whoosh ) ( Mr.
Krabs and Squidward laughing) ( gasps ) That sounded like hatch doors.
( sniffing ) Do you smell it? That smell.
A kind of smelly smell a smelly smell that smells smelly.
Anchovies.
What? Anchovies! ANCHOVIES: Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat Please, please quiet.
Is this any way to behave? Hmm? Eat.
SQUIDWARD: Can we show a little decency and form a neat, single-file line in front of the register? Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat Barg'n-Mart Meeting all your spatula needs ANCHOVIES: Eat, eat, eat MR.
KRABS: All hands on deck! Get your anchors out of your pants! ( Mr.
Krabs yells ) SQUIDWARD: One single-file line is all I ask! Whoa! Batten down the hatches, Mr.
Squidward.
We're taking on water, Mr.
Squidward! I want my mommy, Mr.
Squidward! Do, do, do-do-do Spat-u-la, spat-u-la Port and starboard attachments SQUIDWARD: Help! Eat, eat, eat, eat MR.
KRABS: Man overboard! ANCHOVIES: Eat, eat, eat, eat Climb, Mr.
Squidward.
Climb! ANCHOVIES: Eat, eat, eat, eat Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat This is the end.
Good-bye, Mr.
Squidward.
Oh, Mr.
Krabs.
( both sobbing ) SPONGEBOB ( over megaphone ): Permission to come aboard, Captain? ( humming fanfare ) ( electronic beeping ) Did someone order a spatula? ( stammering gibberish ) That's right.
One hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments, and let's not forget the turbo drive.
( spluttering ) Would you believe they only had one in stock? ( motor roaring ) To the kitchen! Who's hungry?! ANCHOVIES: Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat Things that bother you never bother me I feel happy as pie, ha-ha! Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight Having a wonderful time Haven't got a lot, I don't need a lot Coffee's only a dime Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight Having a wonderful time Just take it from me I'm just as free as any daughter I do what I like, just when I like And how I love it I'm right here to stay, when I'm old and gray I'll be right in my prime Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight Having a wonderful time Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo doo-doo, doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo ( inhales, blows ) That was the finest fast foodsmanship I've ever seen, Mr.
SquarePants.
Welcome aboard.
But, but, Mr.
Krabs Three cheers for SpongeBob! Hip, hip! Hooray.
Uh, Mr.
Krabs Hip, hip! Hooray.
Hip, hip! Hooray.
Mr.
Krabs I'll be in my quarters counting up the booty.
Good morning, Krusty crew.
What would you like to order, Patrick? One Krabby Patty, please.
( beep, motor humming ) What? ( Patrick yelling ) SQUIDWARD: Mr.
Krabs! Mr.
Krabs! Mr.
Krabs, come see your new employee! having a wonderful time! ( crashing, glass breaking )
( louder ): Aye, aye, Captain! Oh Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants! Absorbent and yellow and porous is he SpongeBob SquarePants! If nautical nonsense be something you wish SpongeBob SquarePants! Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish SpongeBob SquarePants! Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! ( Captain laughs heartily ) ( plays airy tune ) NARRATOR: Ah, the sea.
So fascinating, so wonderful.
Here, we see Bikini Bottom teeming with life, home of one of my favorite creatures, SpongeBob SquarePants.
Yes, of course he lives in a pineapple, you silly.
( clock ticking ) ( snoring ) ( spring boinging ) ( foghorn blowing ) ( snoring continues ) Today's the big day, Gary.
( meows ) Look at me, I'm naked! Got to be in top physical condition for today, Gary.
( meows ) ( exhales loudly ) ( grunting ) ( groaning ) ( panting ) ( strained yell ) ( toys squeak ) SPONGEBOB: I'm ready! I'm ready.
I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready Go, SpongeBob.
Whoa! ( crashing ) There it is the finest eating establishment ever established for eating.
The Krusty Krab home of the Krabby Patty ( exhaust gurgles ) with a "help wanted" sign in the window.
For years I've been dreaming of this moment.
I'm going to go in there, march straight to the manager, look him straight in the eye, lay it on the line and I can't do this.
Patrick! Where do you think you're going? I was just No, you're not.
You're going to the Krusty Krab and get that job! I can't, don't you see? I'm not good enough.
Whose first words were "May I take your order"? Mine were.
Who made a spatula out of toothpicks in wood shop? I did.
Who's the? ( teeth grinding ) Who's ( dramatic music playing ) Who's a big yellow cube with holes? I am! Who's ready? I'm ready! Who's ready? I'm ready! Who's ready? I'm ready! I'm ready, I'm ready! I'm ready I'm ready, I'm ready I'm ready! Oh, no.
SpongeBob.
I'm ready, I'm ready I'm ready! What could he possibly want? Go, SpongeBob.
Go, SpongeBob.
Go, SpongeBob.
Go self! Aah! Mr.
Krabs! Hurry, Mr.
Krabs.
Before it's too late.
I got to tell you SPONGEBOB: Permission to come aboard, Captain? ( deep voice ): I've been training my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty crew.
( normal voice ): And now I'm ready.
Whoa! ( hollering and grunting ) ( hollering and grunting ) So, uh, when do I start? Well, lad, it looks like you don't even have your sea legs.
Mr.
Krabs, please.
I'll prove I'm fry cook material.
Ask Squidward.
He'll vouch for me.
No.
Well, lad, we'll give you a test, and if you pass, you'll be on the Krusty crew.
Go out and fetch me, uh a hydrodynamic spatula with um port and starboard attachments, and uh, a turbo drive.
And don't come back till you get one.
Aye, aye, Captain.
One hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments, turbo drive, coming right up, sir.
Carry on.
We'll never see that lubber again.
You're terrible.
A hydro what?! ( both laughing ) SUB DRIVER: Hey! Hey! Please! Passengers are to remain seated and do not put their hands out the window.
( sub doors whoosh ) ( Mr.
Krabs and Squidward laughing) ( gasps ) That sounded like hatch doors.
( sniffing ) Do you smell it? That smell.
A kind of smelly smell a smelly smell that smells smelly.
Anchovies.
What? Anchovies! ANCHOVIES: Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat Please, please quiet.
Is this any way to behave? Hmm? Eat.
SQUIDWARD: Can we show a little decency and form a neat, single-file line in front of the register? Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat Barg'n-Mart Meeting all your spatula needs ANCHOVIES: Eat, eat, eat MR.
KRABS: All hands on deck! Get your anchors out of your pants! ( Mr.
Krabs yells ) SQUIDWARD: One single-file line is all I ask! Whoa! Batten down the hatches, Mr.
Squidward.
We're taking on water, Mr.
Squidward! I want my mommy, Mr.
Squidward! Do, do, do-do-do Spat-u-la, spat-u-la Port and starboard attachments SQUIDWARD: Help! Eat, eat, eat, eat MR.
KRABS: Man overboard! ANCHOVIES: Eat, eat, eat, eat Climb, Mr.
Squidward.
Climb! ANCHOVIES: Eat, eat, eat, eat Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat This is the end.
Good-bye, Mr.
Squidward.
Oh, Mr.
Krabs.
( both sobbing ) SPONGEBOB ( over megaphone ): Permission to come aboard, Captain? ( humming fanfare ) ( electronic beeping ) Did someone order a spatula? ( stammering gibberish ) That's right.
One hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments, and let's not forget the turbo drive.
( spluttering ) Would you believe they only had one in stock? ( motor roaring ) To the kitchen! Who's hungry?! ANCHOVIES: Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat Things that bother you never bother me I feel happy as pie, ha-ha! Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight Having a wonderful time Haven't got a lot, I don't need a lot Coffee's only a dime Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight Having a wonderful time Just take it from me I'm just as free as any daughter I do what I like, just when I like And how I love it I'm right here to stay, when I'm old and gray I'll be right in my prime Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight Having a wonderful time Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo doo-doo, doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo ( inhales, blows ) That was the finest fast foodsmanship I've ever seen, Mr.
SquarePants.
Welcome aboard.
But, but, Mr.
Krabs Three cheers for SpongeBob! Hip, hip! Hooray.
Uh, Mr.
Krabs Hip, hip! Hooray.
Hip, hip! Hooray.
Mr.
Krabs I'll be in my quarters counting up the booty.
Good morning, Krusty crew.
What would you like to order, Patrick? One Krabby Patty, please.
( beep, motor humming ) What? ( Patrick yelling ) SQUIDWARD: Mr.
Krabs! Mr.
Krabs! Mr.
Krabs, come see your new employee! having a wonderful time! ( crashing, glass breaking )