Sports Night (1998) s02e11 Episode Script

The Cut Man Cometh

With his superior reach and much ballyhooed punching|power, Willis has been the second-best|light-heavyweight in the world|over the last two years.
Tomorrow night,|could he become the best? Mike Greenwey is live|at Bally's Park Place|in Atlantic City.
Mike? -- We're out.
|-- Two minutes back.
Mike: We're at Bally's Park|Place in Atlantic City for|tomorrow night's highly -- What's this?|-- Left jab.
-- What's this?|-- It's a left jab.
-- Huh, what's this?|-- Left jab --|you gonna throw any? -- What's this? Oh!|-- That's a straight right,|is what it is.
Lulled you to sleep|with the left jab, knocked you out|with the crushing right.
-- [ Exhales sharply ]|-- What the hell was that? It's a haymaker.
-- That's a haymaker?|-- Yeah.
-- I never knew that.
|You know why?|-- Why? 'Cause no one|throws a haymaker.
Steven Green does -- Who's Steven Green? Kid who beat me up|in third grade.
-- He threw a haymaker?|-- Yeah.
-- Gave me a fat lip.
|-- With a haymaker? Yeah.
-- You should have|seen it coming.
|-- He also kicked, and you know there's|no defense for that.
-- Dan, did you see|tomorrow's revised schedule?|-- No.
-- I put it on your desk.
|-- I'll take a look at it.
-- We're gonna prep the|pre-fight coverage at 4:00.
|-- I'll take a look at it.
And we're gonna do|a supplemental rundown|at 5:00.
That's gonna be -- -- Natalie?|-- Yeah? -- There's a schedule|on my desk?|-- Yeah.
-- I'll look at it.
|-- Thank you.
That girl generates|a lot of paperwork.
I heard that.
You generate a lot of|paperwork, maybe too much.
-- Natalie, are we there?|-- Yeah.
These guys know everything|they're supposed to know? They're gonna be hot|tomorrow night? -- Sure.
|-- I'm asking, are they ready? If they're not, they only|have themselves to blame.
That may be so,|but I have you to blame, -- so make sure|they are in gear.
|-- Yeah.
-- Who knows more|than we do about boxing?|-- Boxers.
Besides them.
Boxing experts.
Besides them.
Boxing fans.
Besides them.
No one.
Damn straight.
-- We're gonna nail this.
|-- Okay.
-- We are gonna|stick the landing.
|-- Sound on one? -- Sound.
|-- Thank you.
-- You know why?|-- Why? 'Cause we are game-day players,|like gladiators of old.
-- Okay.
|-- Ow! -- What?|-- Eh, paper cut.
You all right? Yeah,|I'll play through it.
I play with pain.
In 32 We're back.
Hey, Danny.
Was there traffic? I took the Deegan to|the Cross Bronx.
I was fine.
Say, they ordered|a bunch of pizzas.
Can you stay|around a little bit? -- I'm double-parked|down there.
|-- Okay.
You know, I don't think|you've been here since we moved|into the new studio.
I think I have.
This one's, like, twice|as big as the old one, Dad.
The old one|was like cable access.
[ Chuckles softly ] See, all these people wouldn't normally|be working here today.
This is just|for the special coverage.
For what? For the fight.
Dad, come on.
|I told you about this.
Oh, I'm sorry, Danny.
It's a very big deal.
|It's an expensive match, and it's the kind|of thing that put -- our ratings are tracking|right now at a 4.
that's, like,|twice our usual numbers.
That's, like, 4 1/2 million|households, Dad.
It's a lot for cable.
Don't the big shows|get about 20 million? -- Those shows|aren't on cable.
|-- Before you said you|weren't on cable.
That's cable access.
|That's something different.
Listen, Danny,|I'm double-parked downstairs.
Oh, sure.
Okay, sorry, forgot.
These'll get you|into everything.
There's a V.
|pre-fight party thing I thought you might like,|and there's a post-fight party where, if you want, you can|watch me on television.
-- These are ringside.
|-- That's right.
I don't need|to sit that close.
What, are you kidding me? I like to sit|further back.
-- Danny|-- Oh, Dad, these|are great seat-- I don't need to go strutting|around and showing off|like I'm a big shot.
It's not showing off, Dad.
These are the seats|they gave me, and I'm a fairly important|person in sports tonight.
Can you see if they|can trade these, if they|can move them back? Oh, yeah, sure, we'll see|if we can scare somebody up who wants|to sit ringside.
Danny, you don't have to|get smart-ass with me.
I wasn't, Dad.
Listen, thanks|for the tickets.
You shouldn't wear|your hair so short.
You're starting to look|a little bit gay.
Well, thanks|for the fashion tip, Dad.
Coming from you,|that's really something.
I'm double-parked.
If the fight goes|eight rounds or longer, we're fine.
Any less than that,|Dan and Casey have to fill.
So Dan and Casey fill.
I'm saying they can fill if it goes more|than eight rounds.
|Under that -- Under that,|they'll fill longer.
You're being pretty|casual about this.
I trust Dan and Casey.
Okay|[ Chuckles nervously ] Well, while you trust|Dan and Casey, I'll be over here|doing my job.
-- Dana?|-- Mmm, yes? Tim Turner is sick.
|He can't work tonight.
-- He's sick?|-- Yeah.
How sick? Sick enough that|he can't work tonight.
Who's the replacement? A guy I've never heard of,|which is saying something.
-- Does he have a name?|-- Yes.
Mmm, what is it? Who cares?|I haven't heard of him.
-- Jeremy|-- Chuck Kimmel.
Chuck Kimmel? [ Laughing ]|You're kidding.
Who is he? The Cut Man.
The Cut Man? The Cut Man.
Well, he was already|in Atlantic City.
I'm assuming drunk|and asleep at the slots.
As a matter of fact, he was.
|Who's the Cut Man? Claims he was a corner man|for Rocky Marciano.
He's never met|Rocky Marciano.
He gave himself|the name Cut Man.
You can't give|yourself a nickname.
-- Don't I know it.
|-- All right, moving on -- You don't think I'd like|to be called "The Hammer"? Isaac I would, Dana.
I'd like|to be called "The Hammer.
" You know why I'm not? You can't give yourself|a nickname.
You can't give yourself|a nickname.
-- Also, that one's taken.
|-- That's right.
Hank Aaron.
The supplemental rundown.
Hammerin' Hank.
Nickname -- taken.
You could be|another tool, lsaac.
Like what? Phillips Head Screwdriver? No, I don't know.
-- Natalie|-- Okay! Tell you what -- why don't we stretch our legs|and do this in half an hour? -- Should I be talking|to Kimmel?|-- Please.
Go and make sure|Dan and Casey are doing what they're|supposed to be doing.
|How about Hammer? Natalie Wait, no,|that one's taken.
It is.
I'll tighten up|the rundown.
I'll show it to you|in an hour.
-- Dana?|-- Yeah? This is a big night for us.
|I need your best show.
What's that mean? Whatever's bothering you,|leave it outside.
[ Cheers and applause ] Dan: See?|Casey: Yeah.
See how he's|taking him to the ropes? And that lowers|his center of gravity? And that's important 'cause|he's giving up, like, 12 pounds.
Let's talk|about that tonight.
When's your dad coming? -- My dad?|-- Yeah, when's he stopping by? Oh, he was here already.
I'm sorry I missed him.
He was, too.
Is he psyched|about the fight? Yeah.
He psyched you're|covering the fight? Yeah, he's a huge|fight fan, so me covering|this fight's like he can die happy now.
That's great.
-- Hello.
|-- Hey.
This you're gonna love.
This is maybe the most|important piece of|boxing writing ever done.
What with all the|important pieces of boxing|writing to choose from.
The Marquess|of Queensberry rules.
-- Marquee.
|-- Quess.
-- Really?|-- Yeah.
Could be Marquez.
It's Marquess.
|The Marquess of Queensberry|rules, written by The Marquess|of Queensberry? No, boxing boy.
|John Graham Chambers.
Then why is it called|the Marquess of|Queensberry rules? -- It's a mystery.
|-- That'll keep me up at night.
Read the book|before tonight.
The rules of boxing.
You know how many|rules there are in boxing? There are 12.
I suppose it's not the most|complicated sport in the world.
Not complicated,|but complex.
You know, my father and l|used to have this thing when we watched boxing.
He'd sit in his chair, and l'd|sit on the floor next to him.
-- You didn't have a chair?|-- No.
What about|your mom's chair? This wasn't "All in|the Family," Casey.
There was a chair,|and there was a couch.
Why wouldn't you sit|on the couch? I had a root beer.
I had root beer,|and he had regular beer, and we both|had them in mugs.
You didn't want to sit|on the sofa because you|might spill the root beer.
Yeah, I was little then,|and, you know, the mug was Anyway, it's great that|you made him happy today.
Yeah, he's psyched.
"Before beginning real work,|every man should take mild doses of physic|to work on the bowels.
" What? That's what this says.
It's from|professor Michael J.
Donovan, who was the third|middleweight champion and the first to capture|the public's imagination.
Later he became|the boxing instructor|at the New York Athletic Club, and his essay|on fight preparation -- pretty much considered|the gold standard.
"Before beginning real work,|every man should take mild doses of physic|to work on the bowels.
" That's the gold standard.
Yeah, I thought you|could work it into the|post-fight interview.
-- Oh, you think?|-- "Champ, that was|a heartbreaking loss.
"Do you think the outcome|would have been any different if, before starting, you'd|taken mild doses of physic|to work on your bowels?" -- Hey, elucidate is spelled|with two L's, right?|-- One.
-- Really?|-- Yeah.
By the way,|no Tim Turner tonight.
-- Yeah? Who do we have?|-- A guy I've never heard of.
-- Chuck Kimmel?|-- Yeah, but you're supposed|to call him Cut Man.
-- I'm not calling him Cut Man.
|-- He wants to be called Cut -- I'm not calling him Cut Man.
He trained Rocky Marciano.
Yeah, and I made sweet love|to Ava Gardner in Paris.
That ruins|Ava Gardner for me.
-- I love Ava Gardner.
|-- Casey slept with her|in France.
-- While she was doing|"Green Acres"?|-- That's Eva Gabor.
-- I thought they were twins.
|-- That's Zsa Zsa Gabor.
Which one did you|sleep with in France? -- Natalie,|I actually never --|-- Let me.
Ava Gardner is dead.
Eva Gabor was|on "Green Acres.
" Zsa Zsa Gabor|is her sister.
Casey never slept|with anybody in France.
Thank you.
Can I talk|to you a second? -- Yeah.
|-- Here's another one.
"When you return|to your quarters, "strip in a room|free of drafts.
"Let two men rub you gently|with soft Turkish towels.
-- Jeremy|-- "Then they should rub you|with coarser towels to quicken the circulation|and harden the skin.
" -- Jeremy!|-- There's a joke|to be made there.
I just couldn't get|the bat off my shoulder.
Maybe you can work|on it outside, sweetie.
I'd like to talk|to Casey.
You got the word on -- -- I'm not calling him|Cut Man.
|-- Suit yourself.
What's on your mind? You can't just|do this, Casey.
If you're breaking up|with her, you have to|break up with her.
-- Natalie|-- Casey I was never|going out with her.
You know what|I'm talking about.
No, I don't know what|you're talking about, Natalie.
|I honestly don't.
I never went out with her,|not once, and hardly|for lack of trying, so I don't think I do need|to break up with her.
And I don't think I need|either one of you telling me|what's good for me anymore.
So you're breaking up|with me now.
[ Sighs ] Look, we've all behaved|ridiculously, -- and I'm moving on.
|-- Casey I've got the punch line.
Jeremy,|let's get back to work.
Stand by sound|4, 5, and 6A.
Show me Bally's.
Loading one, two,|and effects two.
In 32 Good evening!|From New York City, I'm Dan Rydell|alongside Casey McCall for this special|CSC presentation.
Rivera, Willis,|the battle by the boardwalk.
A 12-round bout for the light-heavyweight|championship of the world.
Dan's talking about|the entire world -- Asia.
We're moments|away from the bell, so let's go to|Bally's Park Place|in Atlantic City where Chuck Kimmel|will be with us throughout the rest|of the evening.
Chuck, you there? Chuck? [ Snaps fingers ] Natalie? Casey.
Cut Man.
Hello, Casey.
I'm right here|at ringside at Bally's, where the breakfast buffet|is $3.
95, the slots are loose, and the showgirls|are fan-tastic.
Oh, my God.
No, I've been there.
|It's true.
And how about a prediction? Well, when it comes|to the sweet science, I'm not much|on predictions, Casey, but I will say this --|one of these fighters is gonna win|this bout tonight, and the other|will almost surely not.
Cut Man|going out on a limb.
-- Hey.
|-- Chuck? Casey! Cut Man? Yes, sir? How many rounds? Yes, I meant how many of those|do you think they're actually gonna have to -- h-how long's|the fight gonna be? It's gonna go|the distance, Casey.
You think so? -- Absolutely, Casey.
|-- I'm Dan.
So strap yourselves in,|folks.
We're in for the night.
just a stone's throw|down the boardwalk from where|a new Miss America was crowned|just a few months ago.
Miss Rochester,|I believe it was.
Okay, well, uh,|Rochester's not a state, but we'll have somebody|look that up.
-- I'll go.
|-- Sit down.
Rivera's looking good.
-- What are you looking at?|-- The fight.
The fight|hasn't started yet.
I meant in his robe.
-- It's a nice robe.
|-- It really is.
You want a robe|like that, pumpkin? To tell you the truth, I -- Shut up about the robe.
No, it's a city, Cut Man,|in Upstate New York.
Contestants|in the Miss America pageant have to come from one|of the 50 states.
[ Laughs ]|Well, I hate to correct you|on your own show, Casey, but there's 52 states|with Alaska and Rhode lsland.
Though I'm no college|professor, you see.
That's almost hard|to believe, Cut Man.
Thank you, Casey.
Hey, Cut Man, you see that television|monitor under your camera? Yes, sir.
I'm Dan.
He's Casey.
We're ringside|at Bally's Park Place, and the voice in my ear says|we're ready to go right now.
Is this guy drunk|or a moron? [ Laughing ]|Like there's no chance|he could be both? Casey, what the hell|was that? We'll be fine.
No, I mean, what the hell|was that? Hey, I wasn't the one|who picked this guy, Dana.
Eight years on television,|you couldn't help him out? -- What are you|talking about?|-- How much time were|you gonna spend on the Miss America|pageant? Dana, it was funny.
|It was good television.
It's fight coverage,|Casey.
You're not doing|Letterman right now.
What the hell -- I'm going in|and watching the fight.
This is|an important night.
Get it together.
You know|she knows about -- Good so far.
-- Really?|-- Yeah.
-- Were you watching?|-- Not really.
-- You know she knows about --|-- Yeah.
What do you want|to do about it? I want to watch the fight.
All right.
Miss Louisiana, by the way.
You looked it up? Saw the pageant.
Here we go.
[ Bell rings ] Let me tell you|what's gonna happen now.
They're gonna|start out slow -- a touch here,|a jab there.
They'll dance,|feel each other out.
They'll look|in each other's eyes.
The hunt is long|and requires patience.
It is the unsophisticated|pugilist who comes -- [ Crowd roars ] Oh, my God.
-- Get up.
|Jeremy: He's down.
-- Get up.
|-- I don't think|he's getting up.
Get up! Fight's over.
Announcer: 9, 10 -- [ Bell rings ]|It is over! We're in the studio|in 60 seconds.
-- I need animation.
|-- Stand by, all systems.
-- I need it now.
|-- Animation's up.
This isn't happening to me.
-- Seven seconds.
|-- Yes.
The fight lasted|seven seconds.
The fight game|is complex.
The fight game sucks.
What should|we talk about? What should|we talk about? The analysis.
The fight lasted|seven seconds, Casey.
We're gonna have to|go back to counting states.
Dave: 15 seconds.
-- How much were we|blocked for here?|-- 18 minutes.
-- And how much|do they have to fill?|-- An hour and a half.
In 32 Well, welcome back.
Dan Rydell|alongside Casey McCall.
In a match that served|as a fine example of just how good|this sport can be, Henry Rivera sent|Clayton Willis to the mat in just seven seconds|into round one.
We'll break the fight down|nanosecond by nanosecond and have a word|with the once and future|champ, Henry Rivera, but first we've got|Chuck Kimmel standing by live.
Chuck? Danny.
Cut Man.
-- Casey|-- Dan.
I'll just say this -- that was a hell of a bout.
-- Yes, indeed.
|-- What do you suppose|happened there? First round knockout, Dan.
-- What the hell's|going on here?|-- Isaac I was taking a nap.
|I told you to wake me|before the fight started.
-- We forgot.
|-- You forgot? She's not your nanny, lsaac.
I've been looking forward|to this fight for a week.
I like to see it|from the beginning.
Uh, Jeremy, what have|I missed so far? The whole time, he was talking|to you two.
Why do I have to|answer that question? -- What did I miss?!|-- You missed the fight, Isaac.
What are you|talking about? Rivera knocked him out|in seven seconds.
Give me sound on four.
The fight's over? Yeah.
The fight's over? The fight was 7 seconds,|lsaac.
We're on the air|another 88 minutes.
I have a hunch we're gonna|be able to replay it|a couple of times.
Dana: Casey, ask him what|kind of punch he threw.
What did he throw,|Cut Man? It was a right hook|with a bit of a jab.
A jabbing right hook.
That's right, Casey.
And he did it|with his left hand.
This fighter's got|remarkable skills.
He's not to be|trifled with, Casey.
-- I thought they were supposed|to be prepared, Natalie.
|-- Dana Let me see some|of that homework you're|supposed to have done, Casey.
Cut Man, this has|to be a heartbreaking|loss for Clayton Willis.
Do you think the outcome|would have been any different if Willis had taken|mild doses of physic to work on his bowels? No doubt about it, Casey.
Bowels, Jeremy? Who the hell|gave that question to Casey? -- Sit down.
|-- Okay.
Cut Man? Yes, Dan? Uh, no, it's still Casey.
We're going to take|a short commercial break, after which, believe it|or not, we're gonna talk|about this some more.
Stay tuned.
Dave: We're out.
|-- Three minutes back.
I'm gonna kill them.
Isaac: Dana Let me do my job, lsaac.
They're making it work.
|They're having fun.
They're turning this|into a joke.
Where else are they|supposed to go with it? Excuse me.
Can I talk to you|outside? Yes.
Casey, remember,|it's a good idea to get naked and have two men rub you down|with soft Turkish towels.
And that's|to harden the skin? -- Yes, sir.
|-- Okay.
Well, you got|to figure this -- at least my dad|will beat the traffic.
[ Both chuckle ] Look, your dad can't|blame you for the fight.
Why not? Dana's blaming|you for the fight.
That's a fair point.
He wasn't psyched|at all, Casey.
He doesn't care what I'm doing.
|He thinks I'm a jackass.
I don't think he does.
I think|he just acts like he does.
It doesn't|make a difference.
-- Well, it should.
|-- It doesn't.
-- Someday it might.
|-- You think? -- Yeah.
|-- Soon? Actually, yeahsoon.
Can I talk to you a second? Sure.
Listen -- Dana, we are doing|the very best we can.
Now, it has nothing to do|with lack of preparation.
It has everything to do|with the 7-second contest and a color man who has no|business being on the air, and whom it was|not my job to get.
I'm not mad at you.
You've been funny tonight.
You both have.
We've got|a long night to go, but you're doing great.
Thank you.
I stopped|being mad at you.
I think you know|that the other night, I went to look for you, and Jack said that|you'd gone off with -- Yeah.
And I was mad at you because, well I was jealous, obviously, but -- and it's not|like I hadn't taken|that into account when I came up|with the brilliant plan in the first place.
It was never my intention|to make you feel Iike there was|something wrong with you that needed to be fixed.
It was regrettable|that I did that.
Well, the thing is, there's been 15 years|of it from you, Dana, and frankly,|from my marriage, too, and I know you don't|deserve the bill for that, but, uh Well, I just want|to move on.
Dave: 30 seconds back.
I gotta go back.
Casey? If I were to ask|you out tonight, would you say yes?|[ Chuckles nervously ] No.
But ask me again|another time.
-- You all right?|-- Yep.
-- You sure?|-- Yeah, let's have some fun.
In 10.
Everything all right? Yep.
Are you sure? It's over.
In 32 Welcome back.
I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell, sending out the good vibe|to his father, Jacob, who's sitting and watching his|son on television right now, whether he says so or not.
We've got Chuck "The Cut Man"|Kimmel in Atlantic City, and for those of you|still watching at home, please give us a call|and tell us why.
CSC's coverage|of the big fight continues.