Spy (2011) s02e07 Episode Script

1 Looking stressed.
No, I'm fine.
- I feel your pain, Tim.
- You do? Sure.
- Chlamydia can be a nightmare.
- No.
Don't be ashamed.
- Got some ointment, if - No sir, it's nothing like that.
I've been invited to my son's Summer Ball and I don't have a date.
- Oh, yeah.
I'd love to come.
- No.
Next Thursday.
Damn! I've got a waterboarding.
Oh, pity.
What about asking Caitlin? - Asking Caitlin what? - Nothing.
Bye.
Tim wants to ask you on a date.
What? That's completely misunderstood.
- Well, you just told me.
- I just told you that I have an amazing date lined up.
Remember? But now we were talking about your disease.
I don't have a disease.
I don't have a disease.
- What was her name? - Who? Your date, what's her name? Carry-Anne Suzanne-Dee.
Carry-Anne-Suzanne-Dee? Tim, are you making this up? No, I used to know a girl called that.
- Really? - At the academy.
Well.
Where's she from? Carrie-Anne-Suzanne-Dee.
Where's she from? Very far away.
Ahh, long distance relationships tricky.
Not ideal.
I leave you to it.
It's for the -- SPY S02E07 -- Codename: Ball Busted - What's the market cap on this one again? - 219 mil.
- What do you reckon? - I don't know.
It's P/E's still sluggish.
Mrs.
Godfrey.
- Seize his computer.
- What's going on? - Sorry Philip.
- Bernice? - The CD-ROMs - Right.
What are you doing? Who is she? We have reasons to believe you've been embezzling school funds.
What the hell just happened? I don't know.
- Did you do something? - No! - No, there's must be some kind of mistake.
- All the evidence is in your computer.
- But I only use it to check MySpace.
- Now we know you're lying.
- No one uses MySpace.
- I do, actually.
I'm taking control of the school with immediately effect.
And my daughter Bernice will be my acting deputy.
Until we can find the permanent replacement.
What what about me? You? We will give you an non operational role pending the outcome of the investigation.
- What that means? - It means he will be washing netball kits for the rest of his working life.
I feel a great disturbance in the Force - You don't have a date for the party.
- Yes I do.
- A 100 bucks you don't have a date.
- Portis.
Leave him alone.
No, you know what? You're on.
Ok? You're on.
And let's make it really interesting, shall we? No, wait 100 bucks, that's like 70 pounds.
That's plenty.
Come on.
Who else wants a piece of this action, then, huh? - Yeah, I'm with Portis.
- Yeah, Portis.
- I'm on Portis.
- Portis.
I meant me! So, where are we on the entertainment? I finally got the call back from the juggler.
Let's just say his CRB Check didn't go quite well as he hoped.
What about the DJ? - He'll do it but he can only play German techno.
- Come on people! The party is in ten days and so far we have no music a magician who maybe will be available if his out of rehab and as for the ice-cream vender the only things that are frozen are his assets.
I mean, seriously? Is there anything else that could go wrong? Well, isn't this cosy? Mrs.
Godfrey.
- How are the preparations going? - Fine.
Good, then it wont be hard for your successor to get up to speed.
My successor? I've decided that Nick should take care of the committee.
But Philip Quill appointed me three weeks ago.
Mr Quill doesn't make the decisions around here anymore.
And you won't be needing this, will you? I think you should suit detention this evening give yourself some time to work on that attitude.
Just the man! - I need your cynical brilliance to help me.
- Shhh.
What? Can you hear that? No.
The sound of the wind caressing the leaves.
Ah, ok.
- Who is she? - An angel.
Brilliant.
Just when I need you to find me a woman.
You become a floppy mess.
Women aren't a commodity, Tim, to be treated like cattle.
They should be cherished like an autumn mist of the tears of a mermaid.
- Where were you? - Oh bloody hell! You was supposed to be picking up my dry cleaning.
I'm sorry my acorn, I was practicing our song.
Bernice and I are doing a duet at the party.
- We're not.
- Isn't she amazing? Ok, I er I should probably go find Marcus He's managed to disappear.
Very nice to meet you Bernice.
She's a keeper.
- Take me on a journey Bernie - Bernice.
- ce.
Take me on a journey Bernice.
Marcus? [Sobbing.]
What are you doing? - I don't want to talk about it.
- Ok.
- Have you seen Marcus? - He's in detention.
Detention? Why? She's too powerful Tim.
Who? Too powerful.
Is going to be difficult to get the other governors to agree to your salary increase while the school is running out of budget.
- What if we cut back on science equipment? - That could work.
Anyway, how many of these runts are actually going to become scientist? Not many now.
[Both laughing.]
Okay.
Why don't you go and do a quick stock check? Yes? I couldn't help overhearing your conversation.
Spying know? Detention again on Tuesday.
I have a suggestion for you.
A suggestion? Yes, about your current financial predicament But I can see you're busy.
I apologize.
Thirty seconds.
Well, if you set the school up as an off-shore company with you and your daughter as join directors you could charge the guests an entry fee, but take the cash out on tax-free dividends.
But that might generate a bit of income but hardly not to get excited about.
But who is to say the company can't make other larger investments secured against school's assets? - All you'll be need is a sign off from - The headmistress.
And her deputy.
- I don't have time to run a company.
- No.
But I do.
Cheers.
Well, no they seem more of a government job, really.
So or rather top secret I'm afraid.
- The toilets are disgusting.
- What are you doing here? Gonna bring my own.
- Where am I sit? - No.
Don't worry Tim, I can handle this.
Come on darling.
- Push off.
- No, leave her alone.
That's your look is nice.
- Any action? - No.
Yeah, it's a bit flat isn't it? Actually, she looks quite tasty, should've taken a pop! - Did you follow me here? - Yeah.
Sorry.
My mom wanted me out for bridge night, so.
Oi, Oi.
Target acquired.
- Excuse me, allow me to get this ladies.
- No, it's okay, thanks.
- I insist.
- No.
Really.
It's fine.
- Who's next? - Yes, we'll have A mojito? And a vodka with tonic? Ow!, ok, a little more expensive than I was anticipating.
Oh, sorry.
We can we can change.
No, no, damage is already done.
Tim have you got any cash? - No.
- Please, don't worry.
- It's ok.
Can I pay with a card? - 20 pound minimum.
- We'll just get our own.
- Yes.
Ok.
Here's the deal.
The good news is I am prepared to shell out the twenty.
But before I invest, let me lay my cards out on the table.
Tim here is desperate, so he probably would be prepared to take either one of you, me, I prefer you but don't get offense, not a deal breaker.
what I'm suggesting is this, us four, large bottle of cider, back to yours for crazy hour, hour and half max.
What do you say? - No.
- One no, and you are a? - No.
- Sure? Yes.
Wavering? Yeah, that's definitely no.
I am so sorry about him Here.
Fair enough.
All done? Yes.
You know the drill.
You can go out, Philip.
I'll drive Marcus home.
- But - I said I'll drive you home! - Has the food arrived? - Being unpacked now.
Where are you going? Me and Bernie need to practice our duet.
But Miss Godfrey told me she wasn't doing yet.
She's teasing you.
God she's so funny! Don't worry I'm going to speak to her now.
Well, hurry, the party starts in three hours.
Oh, and Philip I've got a special assignment for you.
- Mrs Godfrey request.
- Oh.
- Yes.
- Yeah, Tim.
- I heard this Carrie-Anne-Suzanne-Dee had to cancel.
- Who? Oh right, yeah.
Yeah, so you've no date for the party.
Apparently not.
I have an idea.
Sir, if you don't mind I'd really rather you didn't interfere anymore.
Ok.
Fair enough.
- I've got you a date! - Ok, I thought you weren't going to interfere.
- I lied.
- Right.
Well it's tough because I don't want to know.
Ok, fine, fine.
If you wanna make a fool of yourself in front of Portis and Caitlin and your son.
- Is not you isn't it? - No.
- Because I'm not going with you.
- Yes, you've made that painfully clear.
No, her name is LA69.
- It's a strange name although.
- Is this from a dating website? No! - Is this from a dating website? - Yes.
- Cancel it! - I've got a photo.
I'm not interested.
Although it would be rude not to show up.
- You want me to cancel it? - No, I don't want to let you up.
- Nah, no trouble.
- No, listen.
I mean, is fine.
No, I can go.
No, no, no, you're right I'll cancel.
- No, I can go.
It will be fun.
- This is exciting? - You sent a photo of me? - No, I sent a photo of Ryan Gosling.
We do have quite similar bone structure, don't we? She's gonna meet you at the school gates.
At six fifteen sharp.
Thank you sir.
Eighty six thousand.
And that's just from the last four days.
You've done some good work for me Marcus.
That was nothing.
But I'm still not sure I have your full respect.
No.
I think perhaps another month of detention could set you straight.
What do you say? Thank you Mrs Godfrey.
I made it for yo-yo.
I don't want it.
Have it later then.
- We need to get rehearsing anyway.
- Rehearsing? The duet silly.
When are you going to get it into your stupid head I'm not singing with you.
But the song stands as a beacon of our love.
It's called "The Beacon of Our Love".
But I don't love you.
What? How could I ever love you? You're nothing to me.
Don't say that.
I can change.
Just tell me and I'll change.
But I love you.
I love you! I love you so much.
I love you! Bernie.
I love you.
- Are you feeling a little better? - I don't know what I did wrong.
It had nothing to do with you.
The Godfreys are pure evil.
How you like a chance to get even? So Tim - did you find your hot date for tonight? - Leave him alone.
- I did actually.
- Yeah, right.
- Ignore him Tim.
You can forget about the bet.
- The hell you can! - Portis! - I'm serious.
I have a date.
- Really? - Mmmh.
I'm meeting her at the school gates.
Well, we're just gonna have to tag along, then.
- Not that I don't trust you.
- You can't come.
- Ahhh! - No, because - you need tickets.
- You mean like these? You're not seriously coming to my son's school party.
- Yeah, we're coming.
- Ohh-oh Party! mm - Just think, maybe we will have one of this little redhead some day.
- What? I mean, you'll have to quit your job of course.
I was thinking back to Nebraska.
Nebraska? Ladies and gentlemen.
Please welcome the St.
Benjamin's Wild Cats.
Please no, please no, please no.
You have got to be kidding me.
Would you like to dance? No.
- Do you want some food? - Justine can't you see I'm busy? We do have quite similar bone structure actually.
Anyway and your photo? What about it? At least that was actually me.
That was you? What are you trying to say Tim? What about LA69 stuff? I was born in 1969 and my initials are LA, Leslie Ash.
- Your name is Leslie Ash.
- What's your point? - Tonight could get any worst? - Finally we agree on something.
Shut up! - Aren't you to introduce me? - No.
Hi, Leslie.
- Look it's Leslie.
- Yay! Are you at least gonna get me a drink? Why'd you have to hurt me Bernie You drained my heart like taxidermy I'm gonna kill you, better get an attorney Bernie I hate Bernice You're a disease like scurvy.
Bernie.
And all that food makes you curvy, Bernie.
Want you to die, you don't deserve me.
Bernie Bernie I hate Bernice You're a disease like scurvy.
Bernie.
And all that food makes you curvy, Bernie.
Want you to die, you don't deserve me.
Bernie Die! What do you want? We don't have much time.
I need you to call this number in ten minutes and say what's in the back.
- Why should I do anything for you? - It's not for me.
It's for you.
Why would I even trust in you? You betrayed me.
You're wearing a skirt and pompoms, seriously, what do you got to lose? It's up to you.
[Playing Gold, from Spandau Ballet.]
Look at that! Aren't you glad we got each other? Mmm.
Yes, is I'd like to report a crime.
Can we go yet? Soon.
It's nearly over.
Do you want to dance? What's going on? What is the police doing here? Mr.
Quill has made some serious allegations against you involving improper financial dealings.
I can assure you that Mr Quill is grossly mistaken.
- And motivated solely out of bitterness.
- How dare you! Would you mind open the safe, please, Mrs Godfrey? What's this? What the hell? Hey! He sat right here.
He did all the accounts.
- Who did? - Marcus Elliot.
He's in year six.
Are you saying you had a child doing your accounts? My God, he planned it all along! Must be others.
Of course.
Someone had to drill through the wall.
And the badge.
They're ruling on it.
- It's a conspiracy.
- Sarge.
Looks like Mr Quill was right.
This appears to show large amounts of money being paid into the private accounts of Mrs Godfrey and her daughter.
No, you got it wrong.
Tell them, Philip.
You saw Marcus in here.
I'm sorry Mrs Godfrey I didn't see anyone.
But then again I was quite busy washing netball outfits.
Mrs Godfrey, Miss Godfrey, we are arresting you both on suspicion of fraud.
You don't have to say anything but it may harm your defence if you don't mention Thank you.
Don't know what you mean.
But where all the cash go? It's safe.
So er - did you enjoy seeing me make a tit of myself? - A little bit, yeah.
- Has anyone seen Chris? - He said he make his own way home.
All right.
Come on then.
Who's up for ice-cream? Me.
Bernie I hate Bernice Want you to die, you don't deserve me.
Bernie Die!