Standing Up (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

Give Us a Laugh!

1 [soft music playing.]
[tires screech.]
I am poor.
It's not handy to be poor.
Mm, I don't recommend it.
Yeah, no, it's not When I go to the ATM, it tells me, um It tells me, "No, no, no.
That's impossible, sir.
" When I go to the ATM, it tells me, "Sorry.
No change.
 Can't help you.
Have a nice day.
" [chuckles.]
That joke's gonna work.
It's gonna be funny.
- [child laughing.]
- Come on.
- Hello, ladies.
- [woman 1.]
Could I put my poster up here? It's for a stand-up show.
- [women.]
- Come on.
[woman 1.]
[upbeat music playing.]
- Right here.
- [woman.]
No, no, no.
It's for a show.
No? [upbeat music continues.]
- Come on.
Let's go.
- [child.]
Hello, ma'am? Yes.
I'll be there soon, ma'am.
Besides, didn't you order sushi? So, there you go, that doesn't get cold.
Except if you ordered skewers.
Ahh! Ahh! [laughs.]
You ordered the skewers! Oh dear.
Oh dear.
Well, then I'll just In that case, I'll risk my life.
I'm going at full speed, giving it my all for you, ma'am.
See you soon.
Right now, I'm living with this guy.
He's 55, he's unemployed and he's my father.
[upbeat music playing.]
Hey, I love him, but he's not great as a roommate.
- [woman.]
Have you seen this one? - What's she up to? [woman.]
That smile, those colors.
Even during the day it brightens things up.
- If I put you up - [man.]
I'm sorry, I told you.
The Behind of the Scene should be illegal as a title.
For real.
This lame title, Lakmal, it'll scare away the customers.
But with this, people will be like, "Wow.
" They'll want to come inside.
- You'll sell more watering cans.
- There! Come on, please, Lakmal.
- Thank you! Thanks, Lakmal.
- Alright.
- And make sure people can see it.
- Okay.
- I'll invite you to my show next Monday.
- Alright.
- You good, buddy? - Fine.
You? - [horn beeping.]
- Come on, Nezir.
Move your little butt.
Where's my delivery? [motor revving.]
What did you order again, Bling? Charisma? Hey, man, last night I did my show in front of 15 people.
I'm so depressed.
That's still 15 more than the girl from The Behind of the Scene.
- Oh, man, you're right.
You're right.
- [chuckles.]
How's it going, guys? Good? - Yeah? All chill? - Yeah, I'm good.
Man, what's up with this apocalyptic heat? - How's it going, guys? - You good, Bling? How about a drink? Hey, boss, the AC is down.
Your sister's looking for you.
Oh [chuckles.]
THE DRÔLE COMEDY CLUB - [can clatters in trash.]
- Alright! Tits! [patrons laughing and chattering.]
Hi, how's it going? Welcome to Drôle.
- Oh, good, I'm glad.
It's good.
- Yeah, it's cool.
- Yo, Tonio.
- Hey, Bling.
- How's it going? - Alright.
Make me a gin and tonic.
So I went to the auto show, but something was bugging me [upbeat music playing.]
[continues indistinctly.]
[music continues.]
- What's up, Mini Guys? - We're ready.
Okay, so the schedule for the 9:00 lineup - Start with Malik.
Fortin, you're second.
- No, no.
Jason's third.
Let him know.
Louis's fourth.
Aïssatou's fifth.
Nezir is sixth.
He's so pathetic that people will give more cash.
[all laughing.]
I'm just kidding, Nezir.
You're funny sometimes.
- So, everyone okay with this? - [man.]
Okay, Bling.
- I'm the only girl? - Yeah.
Guys, please stick to the timing.
Or else we get more behind schedule with every lineup.
- It's 'cause of him.
- Me? Are you being serious? No, just Hang on a sec.
Guys, time out.
Time out, time out.
Bling, I'm the only girl in the lineup? Pierre's the only redhead.
- He's not protesting.
- So proud! Holy shit.
Your jokes really suck, man.
Pierre, have you performed elsewhere? - [Pierre.]
I performed all over.
- Where? Did you know Calif was coming here tonight? Is it for you? What? Calif? Did Who invited him? - I don't know.
He's your manager.
- [Aïssatou.]
It wasn't me.
Seriously, guys.
- Hey, Laurent.
You good? - Ah, Bling! It's nice to see you.
- You alright? - Yeah! - I haven't been here in a while, right? - Yeah, we changed a few things.
That's my sister.
She digs interior design.
She's always changing stuff.
Lamps and everything.
Looks great.
I'm eager to see how you're coming along, hear some new jokes.
Yeah, you'll see.
It's, uh But, uh I'm actually not performing tonight.
Too bad.
- What do you mean? - I wasn't planning to.
What? You weren't planning to? You need to fine-tune your show.
Shouldn't you be up every night? Sure, every night.
I'm working really hard.
Just not tonight.
I give the others a chance.
The younger generation and all.
That's also what this club is about, Lolo.
Good evening, everybody.
You can go in for the next lineup.
- It's this way.
And I'm sorry - Hey, come here.
You're booked at the theater in six weeks, and you haven't shown me a thing, huh? I need to see where you're at, huh? - Okay.
Isn't this your club? - Yeah.
- Well, yeah.
- Yeah? So you can perform tonight.
Of course.
No problem, Lolo.
I can tell it's important to you.
- No worries.
It's all good with me.
- Very important.
Have a drink.
On the house.
What do you want? - Tonio - [Tonio.]
Yeah? - Two glasses of champagne.
- [Tonio.]
You got it.
I'm telling you, you're ready.
- Come on, I'll introduce you.
- [Nezir.]
I don't need a manager.
I don't even have enough material for an hour yet.
Besides, there are enough shit shows in Paris that nobody goes to see.
Gee, I appreciate it.
For real.
- Your show's great.
No, I mean it.
- Yeah, right.
Hi, Laurent.
How are you? - Aïssatou.
- Yeah.
- You're looking stylish, as always.
- Thanks.
That's nice to hear.
- How's is going at the theater? - Uhh - Tough, huh? - No.
It's just You know, it's a bit quiet, but But it's No, no, no.
I - Yeah, yeah.
 It's kinda quiet.
- Yeah, yeah.
But, hey Laurent, I think it's the slots on Monday and Tuesday.
It's rough, you know? Not easy.
Could we swap slots, dude? Before changing slots you need to fill the room first.
Sorry, big guy, but in order to fill the room I need promotion.
Honestly, you guys aren't helping me much.
Seriously, I love your show.
Some bits are really, really funny, but if you don't have a full house within two weeks, you know, we might have to alter the venue's programming.
- Alright? - Wait.
What? Hey, look, Laurent.
You're gonna cancel my show? - Sorry.
- Out of the blue? But, Laurent, how can my show be a hit if no one is promoting it? Don't talk to me about promotion.
Word-of-mouth is what sells a venue.
Let's make some noise, please! - [hip-hop music playing.]
- So, are you ready? [comedian.]
You used too much water.
You need to make it profitable.
- Wanda, could you record me tonight? - Yes.
No problem.
- On my phone? - No.
I'll do it with the camera.
Okay, great.
Thanks a lot.
- Uh, I'm fifth, right after Louis.
- No worries.
- Okay? - [Wanda.]
I take a bath, get out of the tub, towel myself dry, get dressed, and then I realize I haven't even washed.
It's ridiculous.
All I did was dip my body in hot water.
That's no life for humans, that's life for spaghetti.
It's not right, okay? I'm Jason Brokers.
Thanks for listening.
Let's give a big hand to our next act, Louis! - [music playing.]
- [crowd applauding.]
[breathing deeply.]
Ah, fuck.
[sniffs, exhales sharply.]
- Oh, sis, you're here.
- You okay? - Mmm-hmm.
- What were you doing? - I just, you know, I - Etienne, look at me.
Did you take something? I chugged all the toilet cleaner.
I told you, I'm fine.
He wants to cancel my show.
I need to do some serious promoting.
So I asked Wanda to record my set, put it online.
I don't know if I should do something new or something that's well-rehearsed.
- Well, just do something funny.
- Well - Shit.
- [both laugh.]
Seriously, something new is good.
That way it's still fresh, you know? Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
But, you know, it's a sketch I've never done before, so I'm not I'm not serene, but [sighs.]
- Why Okay, sorry, I'll stop bugging you.
- [Jason.]
Too late.
[both laugh.]
Ah, man.
I can do this, but I don't know if I want it.
Okay, I can do this - Aïssa.
- Yeah? Quiet! We can't even be nervous in this country anymore? Here's the thing.
You're not going on tonight.
'Cause I'm taking your slot instead.
- I don't get it.
- I'm going after Aïssatou, okay? - What? Now? - Yeah.
My fans want me.
They miss me too much.
But why? You You haven't performed in months, and tonight you have to be on? Let's not fight over this, okay? That's that.
- But why me? What did I do? - Nothing! - I needed to pick someone.
That's all.
- Guys, what's going on? This guy thinks stand-up is the same as having to take a piss.
- He just took my slot! - [all shushing.]
- You'll get your share of the collection.
- Fuck this shit! Nezir! [Louis.]
Thank you, guys.
I'm really touched.
Now, please, give a big round of applause for Aïssatou! [audience applauding.]
[hip-hop music playing.]
Thank you, people of the Drôle! I just wanted to tell you about this conversation I had with my boyfriend the other night.
Well, we were reminiscing about the best moments of our love affair and we couldn't decide if the most intense moment was when we said "I love you" or the first time I put a finger up his ass.
[audience groans.]
No, it made him so happy, I'm telling you.
I don't understand why we waited so long.
Me and my boyfriend actually went to Thailand before going to his butt.
- [audience laughs.]
- And it's not like it's the same budget.
Although, granted, it's much easier to share on Instagram.
Huh? No, for real, I think we never tried it before because nobody told us how good it feels.
People don't talk about prostate pleasure.
No, it's true.
Nobody explains to us how to do it.
Even I was lost at first.
I mean, I wasn't.
No! [laughs.]
Wait! No, no, no.
No, no, no! No, no, wait, wait, wait.
Besides, once you're in, if you can go right or left, that means you've gone too far.
- [laughing.]
- I mean No, I was lost in the sense that I didn't know how to proceed.
I didn't know how to go about it.
I mean, it's quite an experience.
It's like when you dig your fingers between the leather sofa cushions - to grab the remote.
- [audience groaning.]
Know what I mean? Except that there is no remote.
At least normally, I mean.
Otherwise, it's just weird.
And psychologically, too, we women aren't used to penetrating someone else.
- Hey, no, don't leave! - [audience whooping.]
Hey, guys, you could wait a little before going home to try it.
- [laughter.]
- So impatient.
Well, if they're impatient, let's respect that.
- Here, actually, what's your name? - Thomas.
Thomas, do you know your prostate? You don't.
You don't.
It's real taboo for straight guys.
It's not part of our sexual education.
Let me tell you, my boyfriend, in the morning, I was like, "So, honey, you okay? Did you like it?" "Who are you, ma'am?" No, seriously.
So, it's my understanding, you guys are afraid people will think you're gay if you ever admit you like it.
But your sexual identity isn't defined by a finger up your butt.
Your sexual identity is in your brain.
And let me tell you, no one's finger is long enough to reach your brain by that route.
- [audience laughing.]
- Thank you so much.
I'm Aïssatou Gambaré.
Thank you.
Thank you very much! - [jazzy music playing.]
- So the next person to come on stage is this club's owner.
He created it to make people think he's funny.
Ugh! Please give it up for Bling.
[audience cheering.]
[music continues.]
Make some noise for Aïssatou Gambaré.
- Feels good to laugh, right? Yeah? - [audience cheers.]
So, for you losers who don't have TV and haven't really followed my career, my name is Bling.
Alright, Super Schlag! Yeah, exactly.
That's right.
I was in that movie.
But I'm doing the talking.
Shut up now.
Okay, and yeah, Bling is an alias.
My parents left Vietnam in the '70s.
Because it kind of sucked over there.
Like, everyone was dying.
And um, so once they got here, they gave their kids typically French names, you know, in order to fit in, and be good immigrants.
So they called me Etienne.
Except our last name is Dao.
Yeah, you get the picture.
They had learned French names, but not French singers yet.
- You good? - Mmm-hmm.
- [Bling.]
So - He's good tonight.
Isn't he? Corinne, I've heard the Etienne Daho bit 2000 times.
You ladies doing okay? Yeah? Feeling alright? - [women.]
Yeah! - What's your name there? - Yolaine.
- [Bling.]
What? Yolaine.
- Yolaine? - [woman.]
Yolaine, yes.
- Is it because you have a limp? - [audience groaning.]
The rappers' limping song.
Yo! Lame! [laughs.]
Your thong is crooked too? [audience groaning.]
Hey, come on! [chuckles.]
So What did I want to say? - Uhh - [audience jeering.]
Oh, yeah.
The other day I was thinking we Asians are known for three things.
Porn, K-Pop, and rice.
So if someday comedy doesn't work out for me anymore, pff, whatever.
I can always make a porn movie with a guy singing K-Pop while fucking a girl eating rice.
- [audience muttering.]
- I'm sure it would be a hit! Can you picture it? No? She's in doggy style and the guy's in karaoke style behind, and she's in sync, in bowl with her bowl of rice.
[giggling forcibly.]
Whoo, okay, just trying that one out.
I'll [laughs.]
- I'm not keeping it.
- Off stage! What is it? You want the mic, yo? Was your lame-ass name on the poster? Uh, no, but I'm not pretending to be a stand-up comedian.
Oh! Hey, woman, it says "comedy club" on the door.
So if you can't laugh, then go.
You won't be missed.
 Right? We might be better off without her.
Hey, oh, I was laughing just fine before you showed up.
- [audience.]
Oh! - [applause.]
You know what? Beat it.
- Get lost.
- Oh, I should get lost? - Get lost! Get the hell out! - You get lost, asshole! Hey! You haven't made anyone laugh since the beginning.
You're just a big, shitty misogynist! You're the lame one here.
Get the hell out.
Stop talking with your Yo-lame accent! - You're such a loser.
- Okay, good.
That's right, beat it! - You get lost, asshole! - [audience.]
Ohh! - Go ahead, beat it.
- What a bullshit comedian! - Etienne, stop! - Don't touch me! - That girl's a basket case! - Fuck you! [Corinne.]
Calm down.
Calm down.
[somber music plays.]
[melancholic music playing.]
- [engine starts.]
- [grunts.]
Etienne! What are you doing? [panting.]
[crowd chattering.]
Oh, Laurent.
Yeah, I'm almost done.
Wow! [laughs.]
I look like an alpaca.
[both chuckling.]
Oh, I'm sorry.
I really reek of beer.
You got the glass poured on you? [chuckles.]
Yes, that's me.
Sorry, you know.
Honestly, tonight was pretty rough.
Oh, no, no, no! I loved it.
 I loved it.
You don't bear grudges.
No, actually, this is my first time in a comedy club.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- I will never forget it.
- [chuckles.]
I bet.
I'm gonna use the toilet.
Are you doing stand-up? Uh, yeah.
Weren't you supposed to perform tonight? Sorry, I Do you mind if we continue this conversation when I'm not holding my penis? [laughs.]
Yes, yes.
[chuckles lightly.]
- He lost his mind tonight.
It was crazy.
- Great job.
Bravo, bravo.
I loved it.
- It was awesome.
- Oh, thank you very much.
You're overthrowing the patriarchy with a single finger.
That's it.
But tonight was kind of peculiar, but um But I'm glad you liked it.
Yeah, I loved it.
 And so when can I get to see you perform? Here? Uh, Friday.
Uh, I'm here often.
Sounds good.
- Then I'll be back.
- Our pleasure.
- That's my taxi.
See ya.
- Ciao.
I'm Apolline.
19 Bonaparte Street.
What? Nothing.
You okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
You? - [laughing.]
- What's so funny? So, you're off or having a drink? I'm off.
I'm performing at a shisha place.
- Oh, I'm sorry for you.
Good luck, Nez.
- Thanks.
Holy shit, tonight was so messed up.
Forget about it.
I actually felt sorry for him.
Good thing you were great.
Evens things out.
That's nice of you.
Keep in touch, okay? [hip-hop music playing.]
My father smokes weed.
My father has seriously yelled at me because, one time, I came home and I hadn't bought any drugs.
Last time I was with my dealer he asked me, "How much do you want, bro?" I made a phone call.
"Hello, Dad?" "How How much do you want?" But my dad is cool.
He never pressured me about my grades in school.
That said, in my school, in order to be the top of the class, all you had to do was say hi to the teacher.
In my school, in order to be top of the class you just had to show up to class.
Besides, in my school, to be top of the class you just had to know where the classroom was.
- [upbeat music playing.]
- Okay.
I never saw something like that.
Getting all worked up like that? We were backstage.
You know, we were so confused.
On stage, it was Chernobyl.
Like, insane.
And, hang on, awful.
Because, see, it went super well for me.
And I couldn't tell them because Bling was such a disaster.
And so, let's circle back to my sketch.
- Mmm-hmm.
- I wanna talk to you about it, uh Well, it's a new one I tested tonight.
- I - Honey, honey.
I love you.
And I love listening to your lovely voice telling me about your day, but I really need to finish this article right now, on town planning being put to the test by territorial metabolism.
Oh, that sounds super interesting.
It's just as you say.
Yeah, it's a real pain.
[both chuckling.]
I need to finish it, so Yeah.
But tell me later.
I'll be all ears.
- Mmm-hmm.
- About your new sketch.
I'll let you work, then.
Mommy? [giggling.]
Well, now, my little doughnut.
You're not asleep? - [giggles.]
- Shh! Easy, easy, easy.
Shh! Come on, easy.
You're not sleeping? [kisses.]
- [giggles.]
- Shh! Easy.
Were you waiting for me? Did did the people laugh? [chuckles softly.]
Yeah, they laughed.
- Can you tell me the joke? - Oh no.
Mommy can't tell you the jokes right now.
No, no.
- Now we're going to sleep, alright? - Mmm.
There you go.
That's it.
Come on, let's go to sleep, kitten.
Okay? Good night, sweetheart.
[upbeat music playing.]
[steam hissing.]
Dad, what are you doing? It's nothing.
Just a small order for Mrs.
Just to be of service to her.
They're nice, aren't they? Do you want one? I'm just doing it for fun.
Stop that.
Dad! You're destroying the last of your remaining vertebrae.
And [sighs.]
I won't bring you food on a platter when you're unable to move at all, Dad.
You'll have to manage on your own with those big grippers for disabled people.
It'll be really fun when you try to grab your toast with them.
Oh, fine.
That way, I'll be a real disabled person.
Look what I received.
They say I'm not disabled enough to receive benefits.
You get welfare benefits, right? - Yes.
- You're entitled to 564 euros.
Huh? - 564.
- Well, that's not bad.
Minus 67 euros from housing benefits.
Why is that? Because you can't accumulate both.
I thought I could.
So, um, that's 497 euros.
Plus me with Yummy Click, uh - 600 euros.
- And Yummy Click.
When you work in rainy weather, they give you more money.
Inshallah, with the heat we're having lately, it's going to rain soon.
- Inshallah.
- Yeah.
So, 1097, and then The collections from my stand-up gigs.
That's 300 euros per month, tops.
Okay, that's 1397 euros a month for both of us to live on.
Hang on.
Cherkaoui asked me to make Batman sweatshirts.
How about that? Hay, Batman is popular, right? I don't know how we'll manage.
Well, let's roll a joint.
For starters.
That's how we'll manage.
[men chattering.]
Hey, Nezir! Hey! How's the comedy working out? - Going well? - When are you introducing us to celebs? [laughing.]
- How are you guys? - [man.]
We're fine.
Word is you're looking for work? If you got a problem, we're here for you.
Oh, I know.
Thanks, Moktar, thanks.
But you know if I work for you, your empire's gonna crumble, bro.
He's good, right? Thanks, man.
So is Ibrahim's back good? - Yeah.
He's doing fine.
He's good.
- You? You sure? - All thanks to the Moktar Pharmacy.
- [man 1.]
Moktar Pharmacy! [laughs.]
Oh, this fucking bastard's good! - [man 2.]
I'm leaving.
- See ya.
Hey, can you give him a merguez sandwich.
- [Nezir.]
No, I'm fine, guys.
- You sure? - Come on, Nezir.
Take it.
- No, for real.
I have to go.
I got jokes to write.
- Bye, guys.
- [Moktar.]
Oh, hey, Nezir! - [Nezir.]
Yeah? - We wanna see your one-man show! - Give us a laugh.
We could use one.
- [man laughing.]
Give France a laugh, my brother! - [Bling.]
Get lost.
- [woman.]
I should get lost? - [Bling.]
Get lost! - [woman.]
You get lost, asshole! Hey! You haven't made anyone laugh since the beginning.
You're just a big, shitty misogynist! You're the lame one here.
Get the hell out.
Stop talking with your Yo-lame accent! [arguing continues on video.]
Fuck you! I WASN'T LAUGHING LAST NIGH REALLY SHITTY [doorbell buzzes.]
[buzzing continues.]
[door unlocking.]
- [Corinne.]
Etienne? - Oh no.
[door slams.]
Etienne? Etienne, I know you're here.
Couldn't you have at least picked up your phone? I was really worried.
Come on out of there.
What happened? Califano put me under a lot of pressure.
No, it can't be just that.
Etienne, talk to me.
What's wrong? Can't you tell you're not okay? Hang on, you're the one who told me, "People forget.
" "There's no bad buzz.
" So there.
It's nothing.
It's just a slip-up.
Okay? It's nothing.
This is what matters.
Super Schlag matters.
That was five years ago.
[phone chimes.]
- Are you going to listen to it? - No.
I'll listen later.
Don't do this, Coco.
Hey, Corinne, give me that.
- Wait.
- Give it to me! Come on! - Don't touch that! - Bling, it's Laurent.
So, the team and I decided to cancel your show.
We just can't book the theater for you like this.
It's too risky.
So, I think, ultimately, it's for the best, because, let's face it, you didn't have a show.
[phone clatters.]
Seriously, I'm so happy.
I got tons of applause.
- I didn't think it'd go over that well.
- [Nezir.]
It's really cool.
I'm gonna post the video, but I need a good title, you know? [Nezir.]
Let's Get to the Bottom of Things? [laughs.]
Or Love is Deep? Uh I Know My Man Inside Out? Hmm? Aïssa the Explorer.
No, that's Dora.
Hey! Actually, Vlad, uh What about Vlad? Yeah, I mean, you know what he's like.
He's a chill guy.
He's a modern man.
Yeah, sure.
But does he know about the sketch, Aïssa? No, he hasn't seen it, but I'm gonna show it to him, of course.
Yeah, show it to him.
It's fine.
I'm not gonna ask him for permission.
Does he make me read his thesis? No, and I'm not mad at him for that.
- [alert pinging.]
- What's with all the pings? Nothing.
Women who want my body.
Hang on, did you join Tinder? [pinging continues.]
No, it's rejections for my job applications.
You're not doing deliveries anymore? I am, but it doesn't pay enough.
I need to find something else.
Tell me more about Vlad's prostate instead.
It's entertaining.
I love it.
- [door opening.]
- [chuckles.]
I have to go.
Later, bye.
Hello, my love.
- How are you? - How are you? - Mmm.
I'm fine, and you? - Yeah.
- Hi, Daddy.
- Hey, pumpkin.
How are you? [woman.]
No, but also I know the Novotel near CDG Airport.
It's seriously classy.
They renovated everything.
Four stars.
Big turnover.
Nothing but good things.
So, your job is basically everything related to room service.
That means, I don't know, if the client wants a club sandwich and an orange at 3:00 a.
, that's on you.
Got it? You're also the night auditor, that means you handle billing, or doorknobs, as well as getting - Wait, wait, wait.
What's doorknobs? - Uh Doorknob.
You're not familiar? The doorknob is in the morning, the clients put up their breakfast order.
You pick them up and handle the transition with the morning team.
Hang on.
I'm gonna tear her a new one.
Martine! - [Martine.]
Yes, ma'am.
- Yeah, call Bishara.
- [Martine.]
Bishara! - Bishara! [Bishara.]
Yes? Could you come see me this afternoon, please? - [Bishara.]
Yes, ma'am.
- Thank you, Bishara.
- Hang on.
So what are the hours? - So it's 7:00 p.
to 4:00 a.
During the day, dads have priority.
It makes sense.
- Oh, right.
- Why? Is that a problem? - Well, yeah.
- Hang on, Nez.
I'm working my butt off to find you a job, you know? An open-ended contract close to your place, 1935 euros before taxes, full-time.
Honestly, you have never earned this much.
And, plus, if you don't mess around and you work well, you can become manager, cousin.
And that's 2600 euros! Two thousand and six hundred! What were you gonna do with your BA in sociology? - Yeah, but - You're lucky I'm your cousin.
- I'm serious.
- Right.
But you know I actually perform in the evening.
I'm doing stand-up.
That means, if I take this job, I can't perform anymore, so [phone audio distorting.]
Nez, grow up a little and take responsibility.
Think of Ibrahim.
What would your poor mother say? Come on! [sighs.]
How long since you started this stand-up thing? At least three years.
You have a one in a million chance of becoming famous.
So now, stop being naive.
Listen to me, Nez.
When a company doesn't work out, it files for bankruptcy.
It's that simple.
Yeah, that simple.
Use your head.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Okay, thanks.
Talk later.
- Hi, Corinne.
- Hi, Nezir.
For Thursday night.
- Thanks.
- Wait.
- Here.
- Thanks.
While we're at it, I'm doing the schedule.
Okay, so, do you want to perform Tuesday at 9:00? No, I can't.
Okay, well, hold on.
Next week, then.
Saturday, 10:00? - I can't either.
- Monday, then.
At 8:00? No.
I actually can't do it at all anymore.
Well, what's going on? Are you taking a vacation? [both chuckle.]
Yeah, I'm going on vacation to the Novotel at Roissy.
No, no, I actually found a real job, so But are you Tonight are you performing? Yes, of course.
At 8:00.
And so it's your last night? [Bling.]
How are you, Nezir? Great.
You feeling better? Yeah.
- You good? - Yeah.
Can I No? Tonio? You alright? - You? - Yeah.
I had it.
So what do I do? I put it on the ground.
Boom! A fucking duck, man.
And the duck says, "Daddy.
" - I go, "Shit.
" - [laughter.]
I thought, "What the fuck have I done?" [chatter continues.]
[hip-hop music playing.]
[phone chimes.]
Yeah, Nez.
It's Aïssa.
What's going on? You're not gonna take that hotel job? Seriously, it's a mistake to quit stand-up now.
You were just starting to get funny, man.
[hip-hop music continues.]
Thank you very much.
You're amazing.
- My name is Amandine! - [audience cheering.]
[jazzy music playing.]
And now, please make some major noise for my man, - Nezir! - [audience cheering.]
[jazzy music continues.]
Thank you.
[applause fades.]
You all good, everyone? - [audience.]
Yeah! - Awesome.
I've become a feminist! [whooping and cheering.]
- And it's all thanks to my mother.
- [audience.]
Yeah! - She died.
- [audience.]
Ohh! [chuckling.]
No, I know.
That is some hardcore activism.
But it's only since she died, that I realized everything she used to do for us at home, for my dad and me.
'Cause now I live with my dad, and now I have to do it.
I love my dad, but really, I mean, he's 55, unemployed.
He doesn't pay the rent.
He can't do anything around the house.
He is, like, the worst roommate ever.
[scattered chuckling.]
No, I do everything around the house, I do, and I ended up noticing something.
My dad has never thanked me.
But it's not, you know, I don't think it's because he's rude or even ungrateful or something.
It's just that I'm positive he doesn't even know I'm the one doing everything.
I'm positive he thinks that at night there's a woman [audience chuckling.]
who visits in secret.
Maybe it's even my mother's ghost, and she kept her spare keys, you know? And she can't stand it if the place hasn't been dusted.
No, I swear, it's amazing.
I mean, uh, in my dad's mind, the patriarchy is so deeply ingrained that, in his view, a woman has to do everything, even when she's dead.
Wow! No, I do everything, for real.
Everything my mom used to do at home, except sleep with my dad.
[light chuckling.]
No, I swear.
Everything except that.
And it's such a drag that I'm thinking, for my mother to have agreed to put up with all this, my dad must have been a really good lay.
I can't think of any other explanation.
Anyway, it's simple.
Either we split up or in three loads of laundry and two batches of dishes I'll go, "Ohh! You know what, stud?" "Take me to cloud nine.
I think I deserve it.
" [laughter.]
There, that way you'll remember me.
Not as the guy who lost his mom, but the guy who's wondering if he should sleep with his dad.
Thank you very much.
My name is Nezir.
- [audience cheering.]
- [jazzy music playing.]
Thank you very much.
And so, just one last thing.
Please know that entry in this club is free, but you have to pay to exit.
So please don't hesitate to put money in the hat.
It's how we make a living.
And, uh, to give you an idea, the other day, people gave 8800 euros.
[audience laughing.]
Thank you, Drôle Comedy Club.
See you soon.
My name is Nezir.
[audience cheering loudly.]
Oh yeah! Forty-seven each.
Not bad.
- Oh, yeah.
- There.
That's thanks to your old man.
- Thanks.
- Nice work tonight, guys.
We do alright? - Oh.
Don't lose your coins.
- Everyone.
- See you.
- See you, Nezir.
- Bye.
- [man.]
So who's here tomorrow? [Corinne.]
Hakim Gemili's coming at 9:00.
Yo, Nezir.
You good? - Yeah, I'm fine.
You? - Hey, can I talk to you for a sec? You sure? Last time you said that to me It didn't go so well, man.
Oh, man, you were crazy good tonight.
But I think someone's waiting for me outside, so Okay, I'll be quick.
Do you wanna write for me? If you and me work together? [scoffs.]
No, thank you, Bling.
Wait, if this is about last time, I'm sorry.
But I had no choice.
Okay, but why don't you ask Fortin or maybe even No, they don't have your gift.
You get it? - No.
It's a bad idea.
- How much do you want? I know you need cash.
I'll give you 50 euros an hour.
No, no.
Just no.
Sixty? [somber music plays.]
[engine revs.]
Ah, okay.
Hey, great job.
It was awesome.
Really funny.
Thank you.
Hey, Bling! What do you want? 100 an hour.
[chuckles lightly.]
Eighty? We start tomorrow? Ninety, with an advance of 1000.
However, Nezir, this stays between us.
I don't want anyone to know.
Relax, I won't talk, even if I'm tortured.
Oh, shit, I'm so happy! Hey, Nezir, buddy.
My bro! You'll see, we're gonna knock it out of the park! Stop! Alright, come on.
Yes! Aïssa, can you imagine how humiliating it was for me? I was in the locker room, and the guys were cracking up.
I didn't even know why.
Sorry, my love, I'm sorry.
It didn't occur to me.
I tell jokes about you, us or Mariama all the time, okay? It's what I do.
- How long have you been doing this sketch? - Just now.
You're lying.
You're lying! - No, it's the first time.
- Look at you.
You're lying.
Come on.
Wait, I can't warn you every single time I tell a new joke.
- Or should I just mime now? - No.
Hey! Don't turn this around on me, okay? [Mariama singing.]
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, but your intimacy is also my intimacy.
No? - And my Oh, crap, I'm sorry.
- Aïssa, come on! - I'm sorry, my love.
I'm sorry.
- You're such a pain.
- [laughing.]
I'm sorry.
- [groans.]
Oh, Vlad! No.
No, wait You have some in your nose.
- [laughing.]
- [Vlad groans.]
Your intimacy is also my intimacy.
And my intimacy is what I inject into my work or I have nothing to say.
You can totally choose to tackle some topics rather than others.
Come on, it's not like I gave out your credit card number.
Oh! Hang on.
The problem isn't that I didn't warn you.
It's that I'm talking about carrots in the fridge, huh? That's it, right? Guys really have a problem with that.
When will you just accept it? Aïssa, I don't have a problem with carrots in the fridge, okay? I just don't want the whole planet to know.
Excuse me for having a modicum of coyness.
I don't know, I don't want to hear the neighbors saying, "Did you see? It's Vlad, the guy who takes carrots in the fridge.
" Let me remind you, I'm a teacher.
Your students don't even know me.
It's fine.
Just imagine if they stumble upon your video and figure out you're talking about me.
I'd be doomed.
I'd be a dead man! [sighs.]
Okay, okay, okay.
You win.
I'll delete it.
Anyway, I'm sure no one watched it, as usual.
Here, see.
3700 views GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF THINGS Thirty thousand 378,000 views? I'M IN! 378,000, Vlad! SHE'S KILLING IT! AÏSSA'S THE BEST! God! Fary left a comment! Angèle shared the freakin' video! I don't believe this, it's so crazy! This is insane! [jazzy music playing.]

Next Episode