Standing Up (2022) s01e04 Episode Script

Go, Pistachio!

1 [Mariama.]
Yes, I had a great day.
You'll see.
I'll show you.
It's awesome.
I went tree-climbing.
Mommy, Mommy, I want to see my makeup.
- [Aïssatou.]
We'll see.
- [Mariama.]
- There.
- It feels weird.
- Look.
- I don't like it.
It sucks.
No, it's nice.
- It's a butterfly.
- It's not, that's a tiger.
You know, it's a special breed of tiger, I swear, with special patterns.
- But it sucks.
- [laughs.]
- [phone vibrating.]
- Hang on.
Uh, okay, my manager is calling me.
What's a manager? Well, a manager is a man who thinks he knows everything and pays me badly.
But when he calls, I have to be professional and pick up.
- Hello, Laurent.
- How are you? Am I disturbing you? Uh, well, right now, I'm at home with my kid.
The school's on strike.
Vlad's away at training for two days.
The babysitter canceled on me.
So I'm stuck with my daughter all day.
So, how did it feel going from an audience of 40 to 500 people? It was insane.
It was insane.
What do you think 2000 people would feel like? What? You're doing a special one-night show at the Olympia.
In two months.
Two thousand? Aïssa? Aïssa, you there? [Mariama.]
Mommy! Mommy! [Philippe.]
Tomorrow's guest is Jul.
Maxime, what do you have? [Maxime.]
So, this is what I have for Jul.
"Jul, what was harder for you?" "Coming to Paris or having to take Highway 7 on your scooter.
" Hang on.
I didn't understand.
Explain it to me.
Don't you remember? Jul's concert in Bercy.
He rode onto the stage on a scooter, but on his back wheel.
Ahh! Okay, I get it.
Yes, it's not bad.
It's not bad.
So, what else? Nezir? [inhales.]
I have, uh, "Jul, this interview will be in French.
" "Do you need an interpreter?" [laughs.]
Yeah, I like it.
It's funny.
And, otherwise, I have, um, "You often hear that people from Marseille laze around drinking all year.
" "Luckily, we have Jul to compensate, the man who drops a new album every two weeks.
" - Excellent! I like it.
- And for Bernard Pivot, "Which is longer? Your spelling tests or your eyebrows?" - [laughing.]
- Yeah! Excellent.
Yeah, he's great.
Where did you find him? Oh, excellent, excellent.
That's good.
We like it a lot.
[office workers chatting.]
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
It goes in one way.
Look, there.
- There.
- Thanks.
- [coffee machine whirring.]
- Listen, could you come in every day? Did something change? No, no, no, no.
I'll keep Prune and Maxime for turnover, but you'll come more often, it'll allow you to make your mark on the show, okay? - Okay.
- Mathilde, can you cancel my 5:00? My "mark.
" [laughs.]
- How are you? - [Aïssatou.]
Where are you? I'm at Tifflot's right now.
He asked me to come in every day.
- No way.
You're serious? - Yeah, I swear.
- That's awesome.
- I don't get it.
It happened so fast.
- Amazing! - I actually think I may be funny.
They just want to fill quotas, don't get carried away.
I'm really gonna have to tell Bling, though.
So? So quit it with the maracas, Bling, first.
It's good.
You've worked hard.
- All through the night.
- Oh, it shows.
It really makes a difference, Bling.
I like the joke about dolphins.
It's funny.
You really did the work.
- [laughs.]
- Hey, you actually dig me, right? Hey, wait, if you already think it's not bad, imagine what it'll be like when you add your genius to it, brother.
- Yeah.
- Oh, I'm fired up.
- Get to work, Nez.
- [groans.]
Hang on.
- I'm fired up.
I'm excited.
- Wait, Bling, please, uh I came to To actually tell you something, you know? I won't be able to keep working with you, because Tifflot hired me on his show.
And so I won't have time anymore.
You know? But I'm relieved, because, honestly, you're doing fine on your own when you want to.
So all the compliments and all, that was to get rid of me.
Oh no, not at all.
I really meant what I said.
- Again, it's good.
- Okay.
Bling, I swear, you're really close to your 30 minutes.
You've thought it over? Are you sure? Yes.
Goodbye, Nezir.
I'm sorry.
- It's done.
I did it.
- [Aïssatou.]
And? Honestly, he didn't take it so bad.
We've misjudged Bling.
- Seriously, he took it like a gentleman.
- Really? - [chuckling.]
I swear.
- That's cool.
Like, cold but classy.
Kind of like Daniel Craig.
Hey! I'm not a dog you can throw out on the highway! - Stop it! - Get out of my hood! Go and suck off Tifflot! - Get away from my street! - Fucking A, man.
- Hello? Nezir? - Come on, that guy's actually nuts! Fuck that! Hello? Hello? [hip-hop music playing.]
Is that the poster for your stand-up event? How are you, little frog? - I'm a tiger! - Sorry.
You're right.
It's a tiger.
Oh my God, that's quite the lineup.
SPECIAL GUEST AÏSSATOU And you made me headliner? [Nezir.]
Seriously, the tickets sold out like never before.
- [Aïssatou.]
Really? - Yeah, the website crashed three times.
- People are really happy you're coming.
- Tell them to enjoy it.
It's cheaper than the Olympia.
Well [chuckles.]
I would even say it's free.
The Olympia? - Mm-hmm.
- You're serious? It's so crazy! [laughing.]
Ah, this is freaking insane! Nice going.
I'm I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of us.
If I'm playing the Olympia, you're playing the Olympia.
- You're opening for me.
What do you think? - No.
Wait, I don't know.
I can't play the Olympia.
It's too big, Aïssatou, you know this.
I really like doing intimate stand-up.
Pure stand-up, you know? I like small venues.
- I can't handle the Olympia.
- Stop that.
- I don't do big venues.
- Stop it.
- It's overwhelming.
- Stop! It's the Olympia, man! - [Nezir.]
The fucking Olympia.
- [laughing.]
This is fine, sir.
I'll get out here.
We'll drop you at the entrance.
No, it's fine.
I'll walk a bit.
It'll do me good.
- [Petra.]
Are you sure? - [Apolline.]
Sir, please pull over.
What is your exam? - Apolline, I'm speaking to you.
- Conservation of primitive arts.
Oh! Well, you'll be fine, sweetheart.
You're the best.
- Alright, good luck.
- Thank you.
And break a leg, as they say! Huh? [Petra laughs.]
[car pulls away.]
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! [Malik.]
You're upset that you can't wear this because you're not white.
It makes you look like an old immigrant.
But on him, he looks like a sexy lumberjack.
- [man.]
Are you serious right now? - [Malik.]
Did you decide to be funny today? No, but your braids look like little firecrackers.
I wanna set you on fire.
I just wanna light you up.
Check your own peanut-head.
This guy went onstage with this thing.
It's impossible to describe.
Lagerfeld saw you, he threw up, and then died again.
I'm not listening to you any more.
- [laughing.]
- [Aïssatou.]
For sure! That's so on point, I swear.
You look straight out of a Christmas TV movie wearing that.
Fuck, you guys are on fire today.
By the way, what's the idea behind your hat? - It's 112 degrees outside.
- [all chattering.]
- That means he really loves Smurfs.
- [chatter continues.]
It's impossible to control.
I can't manage mine.
What could I say? [Aïssatou.]
It's like Louis XIV.
- [Malik laughs.]
- Oh, Louis XIV! - [Mariama.]
Shh! - She's good.
She's good.
How are you? - What are you doing here, working? - Yeah, I like coming here to write.
I had a horrible first attempt onstage, but I'm told it doesn't mean anything.
So I'm going to try again.
- Awesome.
- And so, um I wanted to ask you, um Would you mind reading my script and telling me what you think? - It's weird that you're asking me.
- No, it's super short.
Actually Sorry.
I don't know who to ask.
I can't judge my own texts.
I know someone who'd be delighted to help.
Last time I asked him, he told me that it sucked.
- And never called me back.
- That Nezir is such a weirdo.
No, no.
He was right, actually.
It totally sucked.
But I've really edited it since then.
Mommy, I'm hungry.
Come on, kitten.
Let's go and see Uncle Laurent.
I'm hungry! Yes, I got it.
Just a sec.
Corinne, could you please help me and make my daughter something to eat? - O, no, no.
I'm busy now.
- I'm not busy now.
So, if you need help, I can do it if you want.
No problem.
Yeah, I know.
We don't know each other that well, but I don't have a criminal record.
Not yet, anyway.
Yeah, okay.
That'd be great.
Do you think you could manage until 4:00? - There's a park nearby, if you want.
- Yeah, no problem.
And tomorrow? Tomorrow, between 4:30 and 7:00 p.
roughly? - Sure, with pleasure.
- If you could.
Sweetheart, you're going to stay with Auntie Apolline.
- I'll be right there in the back, okay? - Yes, Mom.
Send me what you wrote.
I'll take a look.
I even made a video so I can send you that.
Looking forward to it.
Hey, you.
No ice cream, okay? Want an ice cream? [Aïssatou.]
Write my name here, this size, more or less.
Not huge, not too small.
And I have very I have very specific ideas about the font.
I'll send them to you.
I prefer it to be printed on matte paper.
- Also, for the colors - I'm sure you know that I have people who handle this.
You know, people I pay every month who actually make posters.
It's their job.
- No, wait.
- They do this all the time.
I'm really bad at drawing, but I have really specific ideas.
The Olympia is once in a lifetime deal.
So, for my opening act, Nezir Bourouissa.
Weird example.
- No.
Nezir isn't an example.
- No, not Nezir.
What? I know he's your best friend.
He's awesome at writing.
But he's not a crowd-warmer.
Aïssa, this is Nezir we're talking about.
This guy is no James Bond.
He sort of lacks charisma, doesn't he? He doesn't.
Also, you know I'm used to handling venues like the Olympia, making posters - I'll find you someone good.
Trust me.
- As in, one of your guys, right? That way, you can get a buzz going for free? Hmm? Nezir will be great.
Can I help you? - Yes, I - Farah.
- I went to school with your brother.
- Ah! Okay.
- Nezir, right? - Yeah, that's right.
- How are you? - Pretty good.
I'm great.
And how's your father? Fine, fine.
I'm actually here for him.
He has some back issues, so Ah, so orthopedic section.
- Nezir.
- Just lead the way.
Here we have the Mattress 18.
Great price-quality ratio.
And here the Ergolatex.
We've gotten great feedback on it.
- And this is the Luxure Dream.
- This one? - But a little more expensive.
- Okay.
So, the weight distribution here is optimal.
And you get a five-year warranty.
It seems good.
- You coming? - [chuckles.]
Here I come.
- I have to admit, this isn't bad at all.
- Yeah.
This must be the best part of your job.
Here's the invoice.
I left my number in the delivery contact space.
Oh, no, I don't need delivery.
A friend of mine will help me carry the mattress.
I know that.
Thanks a lot.
See you soon.
[chuckles softly.]
Hey, Nezir! Man, congrats on the mattress! [Nezir.]
Thanks, Moktar! [Fatou.]
Hey, Nezir, will Aïssatou be there? Hey, seriously, I'm a huge fan.
She's gorgeous.
What's she like in real life? Are you sure, like, really sure she'll be at the thing? [Nezir.]
Yes, Fatou, I'm sure she'll be there.
She's super beautiful and nice And you know what? She'll even take a selfie with you if you give us a hand here.
- Ousmane? - Yeah? - I'm actually carrying all the weight.
- Should we switch? Yeah, I'd like to switch.
two, three.
Memory foam mattress.
Optimal weight distribution, she said.
Spinal alignment.
Cervical support.
Double aerodynamic ventilation.
- This isn't a mattress, Dad.
- Okay, see you.
- Bye, Fatou.
It's an Airbus.
- All right.
- Son, you're crazy.
You are crazy.
- Wait.
Look, look, look.
A wire transfer to my account.
2400 euros.
Bam! - Is this from the TV show? - Yeah.
And I have some news.
It's amazing.
- You're getting married? - [chuckles.]
I'm doing the Olympia.
I'm opening for Aïssatou.
That's great, right? Dad? [laughing.]
Careful of your back, Dad.
Your back.
You know, money isn't everything.
- The Olympia! - [laughing.]
- Now, that is amazing, my son! - Thanks, Dad.
Oh, right.
I'm off, okay? I'm performing tonight, okay? Isn't the health-care card amazing? It's crazy, right? There are insane things in life, but that card is just [laughter.]
We, in France, don't realize how lucky we are.
Take the US for example.
When they buy 40 dollars' worth of medicine, well, they pay 40 dollars for medicine because they don't have a health-care card.
In Africa, they have a health-care card.
- There is no medicine though.
- [audience laughing.]
Come on.
In France In France, it's amazing.
When you want to buy 40 euros' worth of medicine, well, instead of paying 40 euros for medicine, you give your health-care card and you only pay two or three euros.
The day I learned about that, I took my wife out to dinner at the pharmacy, bro.
No, for real.
[comedian continues indistinctly.]
What's up? You good? You're late.
You're not going on.
I'm not late.
I'm fifth in line.
You don't perform if you get here after it's started, okay? Since when? No, no, no.
Hey, hey! The lineup's started.
Forget it.
- But - What? I was at the Barbès performing.
Well, I'm sick of everyone performing everywhere whenever.
Hey, I'm the one who decides here, okay? - There are rules.
- Hi, guys.
What's going on? Oh! The Duchess of Gambaré honors us in a lineup! Just like that, between two fittings and three interviews! Hey now, this is the Drôle here, okay? The Drôle, either love it or you can leave.
You understand? You're all starting to piss me off! [audience laughing.]
It's, uh Everything okay? See? You still make people laugh when you want to, man.
You, get out! Beat it! Fuck off, Nezir! - Everyone can fucking hear you! - Beat it! - Wait, if Nezir leaves, I leave.
- Great.
You too.
Get out! Hey, no, bro.
Cool it.
You're too wound up.
You too.
Beat it.
All of you leave! - Hey, what's going on? - Your brother's lost his mind! - He fired us from the Drôle.
- [Corinne.]
What? Hey, it's either them or me.
They have to go.
Leave! That's enough.
You're the one who's leaving.
You get the fuck out! [comedian continues indistinctly.]
[audience laughing.]
- I don't care.
Good luck without me.
- Your keys.
[audience applauding.]
[music playing.]
[audience cheering.]
Eat 'em.
[keys clatter.]
It went well, right? What's wrong? Did I steal someone's joke or something? [hip-hop music playing.]
Fuck! - [dog barking.]
- [siren wailing in distance.]
I swear, Bling used to be cool.
You know, he was always game, always inquisitive.
"Inquisitive"? Yeah, inquisitive about you.
Oh, stop.
I used to like Bling, for real.
Ah, really? - I believe you.
- Yeah.
[Nezir laughs.]
- Why are you laughing? - Because I can't believe it.
That you and Bling were ever together.
What the hell is that about? No, seriously? You and Bling? For how long again? I don't know.
Like, two or three months or something.
- No kidding? - Until I met Vlad.
[both chuckling.]
Then he made Super Schlag.
You know, it was a huge hit and then Well, then we lost him.
The guy got big-headed.
Basically, he totally spiraled out.
But me, if I get rich and famous tomorrow, I'm hiring a butler immediately.
He'll do everything around the house.
I'm not kidding.
Starting with my feet.
Pedicures, braids Uh, grilled chicken in bed.
The whole shebang.
An Englishman with the reddest complexion.
With a tight-fitting suit, a bow tie and everything.
He'll call you milady.
Holy shit! I have to go! My train! See ya.
[bird twittering.]
- [man.]
One tartare for table six, please.
- [Mariama.]
Come on, giddyup! Run! And so, do you know your mommy's friends? - Giddyup.
- [laughs.]
- Like, for example, do you know Nezir? - Yes.
And does he come over for dinner sometimes? - Yes.
- Yeah? And does he come alone? - Yes.
What? - Or does he bring someone? - You do know Nezir, right? - Yes.
- And could you tell him to call me back? - Yes.
- [laughs.]
Okay, I'm putting you down.
- Giddyup.
- [Mariama squeals.]
- Oh! Daphné told me you'd be here.
I was worried.
So instead of working for the world's biggest auction house, you, uh, prefer to do babysitting? No.
I'm doing stand-up.
Stand-up? With a kid? On all fours? Is he your boyfriend? - No.
- [Victor.]
[Mariama giggles.]
- You want to do stand-up? - Yeah.
It'll take years.
I'm not starting out when I'm 40.
Mariama, are you hungry? You want your snack? - Hang on.
- You'll never be able to drive.
What? I don't know what you're talking about.
No more exams, do you realize that? Any kind of exams for five years.
This is serious.
It's not just academics.
It's absolutely everything.
It's no big deal.
I'll ride a bike.
- And I'll be very happy telling jokes.
- Stop it! Defend yourself.
You have to.
I can be there for you.
- Come on.
What for? - Well, because I I Because I Jacques loves you.
- There.
- [scoffs.]
Jacques, your father? - Yes.
My old man.
- Jacques, your old man.
He can help, but you need to make this sanction go away.
Then you can decide Come to dinner tomorrow night.
[Mariama singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider".]
Also because, um you're important to me.
[chuckles softly.]
Hello, Farah.
Um Since we've already slept together No.
Hi, Farah.
Since we started out by sharing a bed, which is too fast, um, would you like to have dinner together? And then, um, if it goes well, we could, uh, go for a drink, and, uh, we'll end up meeting each other for the first time.
[phone swooshes.]
- [laughing.]
- Wait, hang on, you spent Wait, wait.
You spent nine years of your life with Mehdi? - Yes, from ninth grade until last year.
- Wow.
And what about you, hmm? Not that long.
No, no.
Never, actually.
- But about long-term relationships - Hmm? I think love has kind of been overrated in, you know, our society, don't you think? You think so? I mean, uh, love is important.
Well, I believe in it.
It's important.
You're right.
It's complicated, but it's important.
Sometimes, it can also be easy.
[chuckles softly.]
I don't think this chef has been to India much.
No? You know him? Uh, no, it just looks like a pizza.
Meaning? It looks like an Italian pizza, and we're in an Indian place.
- Ah, okay.
- Get it? Uh - It's a joke.
- [laughing.]
- Actually, I just got it.
- Mmm.
[pop music playing.]
Excuse me.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
- Do you, uh, have any bird food? - Bird food? No.
No, we don't do bird food.
But there's a woman who comes in here, uh, I know she goes, uh, to the pet food aisle.
The pet food aisle.
So it's not the next aisle or the one after that.
It's the one after that.
- The third one.
- Yeah.
She gets cat food for her birds.
- Okay.
- Salt-free.
It'll build up your strength.
Don't be picky.
My video got shared, but nothing crazy.
That's because you didn't post anything for so long.
You can't ever stop posting, or you'll be seen by fewer people.
The promotion for the Olympia is mostly social media.
So go big and feed the beast.
Okay, okay, got it.
So I'll post a video next week.
- Is that alright? - Yeah.
Let's just discuss it first, huh? - We'll select a clip together.
- Got it.
By the way, tonight I have two invites for Nakache and Toledano's new movie.
Interested? - Well, uh, I've - Too late? I'm kidding.
Think about it and let me know.
- Okay.
Yeah, thanks.
- Okay, great.
See you.
You should go.
This is good.
Nakache and Toledano, plus they're planning their next movie right now.
Maybe you could get a little role in it.
It's something cool about young people, foreign students coming to study in Paris or something.
- I smell Oscar.
You know? - Oh yeah? [laughs.]
It'd be good for you to hang around a little at this kind of party.
You know? Be seen.
Meet some of the movie people.
You could become an actress.
- An actress? - An actress.
- Aïssatou, an actress.
- That would be insane.
Oh wait.
No, no, no.
Shit! I have plans for tonight.
Plans that are more important than meeting Nakache and Toledano? Yeah, I'm doing a show in the suburbs.
A stand-up event for a friend.
In the suburbs.
The Grand Rex.
Nakache and Toledano.
Wait, how do you know it's Nezir's event? You're not his mother.
This is your moment.
For real.
[TV sound blaring.]
Wow! It's so loud! Where's the remote? Apolline? Vlad? Apolline? - Yoo-hoo! - How are you? - What's with the TV, seriously? - I know.
We lost the remote.
She's so funny.
She turns on the TV all on her own.
Hey, wait.
Did you notice, whenever there's an airhead princess onscreen, she keeps saying, "That's me"? - [TV cuts off.]
- Funny, right? Do you mind if I use it in my stand-up? You do remember I do stand-up? Yes, I'm sorry, Apolline, I haven't looked at your video.
But I promise, as soon as I have time I'll watch it, okay? - That's what worries me.
- No.
Thank you.
So who is it? What is it? "Brutal Hymn"? First novel.
Grew up in Mulhouse.
Unlucky working-class family.
Gone to coll Oh man.
Hey, the college graduate complaining about her tough childhood, do we have to? Yeah, if we want Gallimard to give us Modiano later.
Oh fuck.
What do you have? "Did you pick your novel's title because Moonlight Sonata was taken?" I don't get it.
Anyway, does she write about her hick family at all? Well, uh, the book talks about that, I think.
Uh, I mean, her social background, her inferiority complex, her imposter syndrome when she first came to Paris.
Did you read the whole book, Nezir? - Well, yeah.
- Come on! We never do that! You read the first and last page and if you're feeling zealous, you read a page in the middle, and that's it.
For the rest, we have Florent's notes, or else, I mean He's so cute.
No one told me.
[vape gurgling.]
You know, I'm really, really happy, Nezir.
Thank you.
- Mmm.
- [Nezir clears throat.]
You're a sniper, really.
- Oh yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh? Yeah, that's it.
You're a sniper.
We're gonna eat out with Agathe.
Are you coming? Oh, uh my, it's too bad, because I would've liked to, but I'm organizing a stand-up show in my neighborhood tonight.
So, some other time? Oh, okay.
Okay, okay.
But thanks anyway.
And that's how the little duckling turned into a beautiful swan.
- [Vlad.]
Like Mommy.
- Like Mommy.
Oh my God, you're glowing.
Will Nakache and Toledano be in bathrobes at their premiere? - Ha-ha-ha.
- [Vlad.]
What about the stand-up night? I'm not passing on a movie part.
- [Mariama giggling.]
- Here.
What is this? This? And what did Nezir say? Ah, well, he'll understand.
[Mariama giggling.]
"Then he felt quite ashamed" I liked you as a duckling too.
- Mmm.
- [laughs.]
Stop! Stop it! Cut it out.
You, sleep.
It's time to go to sleep, kitten.
No video, me no sleep.
What do you mean "no video"? Apolline told me that.
Apolline told you that if I don't watch her video, you won't go to sleep? Yes.
What a sneaky girl! - [laughs.]
- [giggling.]
What a sneaky girl! What a sneaky girl! Oh.
When I was little, I was often told I was a good little girl JACQUES BAILLY LAWYER Shit.
Victor, it's Apolline.
I'm hungry downstairs, but I don't have the code.
[phone vibrating.]
- Hello? - Hi, it's Aïssa.
How are you? Fine.
How are you? Listen, I watched your video, and it's good.
It's very good, actually.
Let me tell you, I was even jealous a few times.
Oh, seriously? Now listen.
It needs to become second nature, okay? To do so, you need to perform, to practice.
Any time you can, you have to get onstage.
Push people around if you have to, but just perform.
[upbeat music playing.]
That was funny.
No, look, we've gotta push people around.
No, no, no.
I ain't no comedian, man.
Yeah, man, give me a call.
Great job, Nezir.
And thank you for everything you do for the neighborhood.
- No problem.
- This is really incredible.
- We'll talk later.
- Look at all these people.
Yeah, guys, how are you? Bro, good to see you.
So, someone asked me where the dressing rooms are.
- Right.
- Um, and, uh - Yeah? - So Oh, and we're missing chairs.
- Yes, I'm sorry.
- We're short on tickets.
Tickets, okay.
Actually, we really weren't expecting such a crowd.
- Nezir! - How are you, bro? - Nezir! - Fatou, Fatou.
Aïssatou is on her way.
I'll take care of the chairs.
I saw a bunch of them.
- Good, Ousmane? - Yeah, I'm fine.
Dressing rooms are the rest rooms.
- Hey, dude, what's going on? - [Farah.]
Nezir! - We'll deal with it later.
- I can help out, if you want.
[both chuckling.]
Hey, thanks a lot.
My pleasure.
Do you know there are 100 times more people than last year? - It's amazing.
It's crazy.
- Totally.
[phone vibrating.]
- Sorry, it's Aïssa.
- No problem.
Where are you? Are you lost? No, no, I'm sorry.
You're right.
I couldn't pick up because it's been crazy here.
I couldn't answer.
I don't get it.
You're not coming to my night because you're going to a cocktail party? Aïssa, are you serious? Aïssatou, are you kidding? What do you mean, "understand you"? Understand what? All I understand is you're ditching me to go show off at some fancy evening on the same day you're the headliner here tonight! Hey, I'm disgusted.
You're seriously ruining everything right now.
You've ruined it, I swear.
"Saying hi and speaking to Nakache and Toledano is a must"? My God, what the hell are you talking about.
Come on! I mean, we do not have the same understanding of what a must is.
Actually, I don't think we have the same notion of friendship! No, you know what? Go to your damn party! It's fine.
No big deal.
Have fun with the French cinema industry.
She's the one who should be sorry.
- [hip-hop music playing.]
- [cheering.]
Thank you.
Thanks, guys.
Thank you.
- Morsang, Morsang, how is it tonight? - [audience cheering.]
Whoo! Guys, I'm really happy.
We're sold out tonight.
We're actually more than sold out.
It's amazing.
Seriously, guys, the hardest thing to do here in our town, isn't getting the crowd to come.
You guys, you're here.
I know you're loyal.
No worries.
Of course! No! That's a given! No, actually, the hardest thing, I swear to God, is getting the artists to come.
When I asked the comedians to come perform in Morsang-sur-Orge, they thought I was asking them to go on tour.
Like we were gonna fly somewhere, I swear it's true.
I said, "Guys, it's an hour train ride from Paris, you don't need to pack your swimsuit.
" - I swear, but they're here.
- [man.]
Aïssatou! Aïssatou.
Right, sorry, I should've started with that.
- [chanting.]
Aïssatou! Aïssatou! - Wait, wait, wait! - No! No! - Aïssatou! Aïssatou! Stop that, because you're about to be very disappointed.
Unfortunately, she had a big, last-minute emergency with her daughter.
- So she couldn't make it here tonight.
- [crowd booing.]
I'm sorry, but I know the moms in the room will understand, I'm sure.
Hey, guys, she does have to look after her daughter, after all.
If she doesn't, she'll grow up to be a stand-up at some weird-ass show in Morsang-sur-Orge.
But, luckily for you, we have plenty of other comedians here tonight.
Uh [man.]
Nezir! [light chuckling.]
Yep, we have lots of other artists for you tonight, my friends.
Plenty of other artists, and even better than watching artists you've already seen on YouTube.
I'm giving you the chance tonight to discover the new stars of tomorrow.
- Please! - [audience cheering.]
Please, let's have a huge round of applause for Tareek! [hip-hop music playing.]
Yeah! Great atmosphere.
Thank you, my friends.
This is amazing! What a treat to be playing for the special-ed kids.
- [audience laughing.]
- I'm really happy to be here.
It's all good.
I came to stand in for Aïssatou.
[both laugh.]
- You're funny.
- I'm kidding.
Is there any room left for the beginner's open mic? Just for five minutes, for a beginner? - Yeah.
Of course.
Yes, absolutely.
- Thank you.
I'm sorry.
I wasn't sure I should come.
I didn't know if Yes, but, I mean, I hesitated to invite you.
- Because I didn't know either if you'd be - Yeah.
You even brought wine.
I'm very fortunate in that I have my grand-folks still around.
I had my grand-daddy to invite.
You okay? No.
I have no more saliva.
And I want to die.
Okay, don't die just yet.
I've already been canceled on once tonight.
- Okay.
- For the saliva, do this Bite the tip of your tongue with your teeth like this.
- Like this? - Yeah.
It's funny.
It seems to be working.
- [Tareek.]
Her name is Apolline! - Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck! - Fuck.
- Hang on.
- [music playing.]
- Calm down.
Have some water.
Keep it in your mouth for as long as possible, okay? To hydrate.
Keep it in your mouth.
Keep it, keep it, keep it.
Enjoy yourself.
It's gonna be awesome.
- Mmm! Mm! - [exhaling.]
[music continues.]
[audience cheering and applauding.]
- Good evening.
- [man.]
Good evening.
I My name is Apolline.
[scattered laughter.]
Well, that wasn't a joke, but thank you.
I'm happy to be here because I've always dreamed of doing this.
Going to the suburbs.
When I was little, I was often told I was a good little girl.
Does anyone in the room have children? - [man.]
Yeah, I have a daughter.
- Yes, you have a daughter, sir? - Is she well behaved? - Yeah, more or less.
Right now, she's at home being good and playing with her doll? [man.]
I hope so.
In general, when they're not masturbating, that's what they do.
- [audience.]
Whoo! - In general.
- [murmuring.]
- [scattered laughter.]
[scattered applause.]
- [audience applauding.]
- [chuckles.]
Also, when I was little, apart from that, I had one great passion.
Um, it was riding horses.
Have you ever noticed that little girls, they often love horses? One might wonder why.
Why do you think? Well, well Why, you could say that, maybe since they're little girls, they love taking care of animals.
What else? They love feeding them hay Maybe that's it.
Or maybe Maybe what little girls like is having a big, hot, hairy body between their thighs - that they can order around.
- [audience laughing.]
Me, uh, when I was 14, uh I loved my horse so much, it's like he was my boyfriend.
On my nightstand I had a picture of the two of us She's funny, isn't she? - [Apolline.]
in a heart-shaped frame.
- What? I was saying, she's funny.
Oh, yeah.
She's really funny.
We saw each other every weekend.
He listened to me.
I rode him.
He made me laugh.
He was the first to stimulate my clitoris, for starters.
I mean, not on purpose.
[audience applauding.]
Well I think it wasn't on purpose.
Oh! Pistachio! [audience laughing.]
[cheers and applause.]
But, well, ten years later, you have to admit, it's hard finding a man with all these qualities.
- Am I right, ladies? - [women laughing.]
Especially since it's very rare to have a boyfriend who's also a means of transportation.
As a result, I've had several flings with Uber drivers.
But, I admit, I'm a very nostalgic girl.
So, before I orgasm, I still cry out, "Go, Pistachio.
" [audience laughing.]
[cheers and applause.]
That gentleman isn't gonna let his daughter ride ponies.
I'm Apolline.
Thank you very much.
That was insane! It was insane! It was insane! [Tareek.]
What a treat, my friends! - Congratulations.
- [Tareek.]
I missed you! - You're great, Morsang! - [audience cheering.]
Oh, man.
You guys are amazing.
I'm serious, alright? Let's keep it going.
[hiccups, groans.]
[doorbell chimes.]
Wasn't she supposed to have dinner with you? Yes.
It's weird.
She was downstairs, she asked me for the code, then she vanished.
Voice mail.
Not to be dramatic, I'm scared she might do something stupid.
With all that stress and pressure, the disciplinary procedure Disciplinary procedure? Oh, see? I enjoyed it too.
- You handled it like a pro.
- Thanks, Camelia, that's nice to hear.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- Nezir! - Like it? - Ahh, well, did you enjoy it? - We loved it.
It was great.
- Bravo.
Nice job.
- Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
- Nice job, miss.
- Oh, thank you very much.
- Did you really like it? - Totally.
Keep at it, man.
- Hi.
Thank you.
- It was awesome.
- You need a hug? - Yes, I do.
Oh, thank you.
Ahh, Djamel.
You rule, bro.
And thank you, Miss.
It was excellent.
- Go Pistachio! - Thank you, man.
Thanks, guys.
Thanks for your support.
Awesome, brother.
- Seriously, I enjoyed it.
- Thanks, Enzo.
- It was great, man.
As usual.
- Thanks a lot, man.
- It was nice of you to come.
- Okay, so you all know each other? [chuckles.]
Can I take you home? Won't you show me where you live? So, yes - But - Your roommate's home, is he? No, my roommate is out playing cards at a cousin's place, but Actually, my place is tiny.
I don't care.
[guests chattering.]
Cromesquis? - I'm sorry? - Cromesquis.
It's an aged goat cheese croquette.
No, thank you.
I'm good.
Are the directors here? Did they leave? I don't see them.
No, no, no.
I don't know.
- Are you sure you don't want one? - No, thanks.
I'd like another glass of champagne.
- [sighs.]
So would I.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- It's your outfit.
I thought you were - No, it's fine.
I'm truly sorry.
No, it's very, very Saint-Laurent.
- Very nice.
Very pretty.
- Thank you.
- Please don't hold it against me.
- I don't mind.
- Really, you look perfect.
- Thank you.
- [Apolline.]
I like it here.
- Really? No, it's true.
The architecture is super interesting.
You can see all the co-existing strata.
It's graphic.
I love it.
And the 1960s-style youth center is incredible.
Yes, people move here for the architectural strata, you know.
Come on.
Let's climb on the roof.
- [chuckles.]
- Come on! What? Are you afraid of heights? - No, it's just not really my thing.
- Alright.
My little brother died falling off a rooftop.
I'm sorry.
No, it was ten years ago.
Don't worry.
It's okay.
I'm so sorry.
No worries.
Was it here? Um, that building over there.
And you didn't move elsewhere? I guess it's weird, but I don't know.
For starters, finding a new place isn't that easy.
And also, then my mother had cancer.
And it was just me and my father.
We stayed.
I mean, this is our home.
[chuckles dryly.]
My bad luck sounds like a joke.
Mmm, I'm very happy to be here.
- [phone vibrating.]
- Oh! [chuckles.]
It's my Dad.
- No problem.
- [exhales.]
Hello? Yeah, I'll come help you.
Samir never showed up.
 We waited for him all night, he didn't come.
What can you do? We started without him.
I thought you'd be back for the first prayer, as usual.
You know Ahmed.
He's a cheater, that one.
Zacharia took offense, he threw the cards at his head.
And that was that.
Just hang on.
Um I have a friend over.
She came here to work, huh? [chuckles.]
Yeah, that's right.
Well, here she is.
Good evening, sir.
- This is Apolline.
- Apolline.
I'll get going.
What am I hearing? You let your colleague go home alone in this neighborhood? Oh, no, it's fine.
It's fine, don't worry.
I'm not worried, miss.
I'm just ashamed.
Did you at least behave yourself? - Dad, come on.
- So why is she running away? Um, I just don't want to be a bother.
- She is not a bother.
- I know.
[speaking Arabic.]
Oh, alright.
[continues in Arabic.]
[continues in Arabic.]
[Nezir sighs.]
- Yes, of course.
- There you have it.
A thing about hospitality in the Qur'an.
- Right.
- "A thing"? [speaking Arabic.]
I didn't get that.
You're staying overnight.
That's the rule.
- Dad, maybe she wants to go home.
- You give your room to Pauline.
- Come on.
- It's the Qur'an.
I love this mattress.
I love this mattress! Thank you.
- You're welcome, Dad.
- Yeah.
Do you know how many optimized comfort zones it has? - Four? - Seven.
- That's a lot of comfort.
- Seven.
It's revolutionary.
[Ibrahim sighs.]
[knocking on wall.]
[knocking on wall.]
[bright acoustic music playing.]

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