Star Trek: Deep Space Nine s06e20 Episode Script
His Way
so find yourself somebody Get yourself somebody You're nobody|till somebody loves you You're nobody|till somebody cares Now you may be king You may possess The world and its gold Gold won't bring you happiness When you're growing old Now the world is still the same You'll never change it As sure as the stars shine above You're nobody Till somebody loves you So find yourself somebody Get yourself somebody Find yourself somebody Somebody to love.
Thank you.
Hey, it's been 400 years but that little number|still works for me.
Isn't he terrific? I prefer Klingon opera.
Come on, I'll introduce you.
To a hologram? Uh, Doctor, is this|really necessary? Trust me.
|He's no ordinary hologram.
Vic.
You're terrific.
Great.
Thanks, Doc.
Wonderful.
Very nice.
I know what you're thinking-- he has pretty sweet pipes|for a light bulb.
Light bulb? That's what I am, right? A collection of photons and force fields--|you know, your basic heuristic fully interactive hologram.
He knows he's a hologram? Felix designed him that way.
Thought it would give him|the right attitude for the era.
If you're going to work Vegas|in the '60s you better know the score otherwise, you're|going to look like a Clyde.
A Clyde? A Harvey, you know.
Harvey? A square.
You know what a square is,|right? It's one side of a cube.
Well, I guess|that answers my question.
Where are your manners, Julian? Aren't you going to introduce me|to your entourage? I am so sorry.
Commanders Dax and Worf.
This is Vic Fontaine.
How long you kids been married? How did you know|we were married? When you sing|in as many joints as I have you become a student|of the human heart.
Don't beat yourself up, pally.
Just because you miss|your wife doesn't mean you've gone blind.
What's that supposed to mean? It means there are a lot of very attractive ladies|in the room and it's all right|to look at them as long as you don't touch.
He's good.
And as for you two Yes? Never mind.
|Forget I brought it up.
You have time for another song? Oh, no, no.
|We've got to split, Vic.
Well, you know where to find me.
By the way,|this is a high-class joint.
That means coat and ties|for the gents dresses for the ladies.
You guys look|like a trapeze act.
Catch you later, baby.
Come on, Julian-- you told him about Keiko.
I didn't say a word.
So, why don't we all meet here|tomorrow night at 2100? We can listen to Vic's whole set then maybe hit the casinos play a little blackjack,|roulette.
We'll be there.
|Right? I still prefer Klingon operas.
Well, count me out.
I'm leaving for Bajor|in the morning.
Oh, that's right.
|I forgot.
Say hi to Shakaar for me.
Sorry.
I forgot.
Pretend you didn't hear that.
She doesn't want anyone to know that she's visiting|the First Minister.
Business or pleasure? Ah, you see what you started? I said I was sorry.
So what do you think? About what? About Vic.
|Clever, isn't he? Too clever.
I tell you,|I owe the man, Miles.
If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be dating|Ensign Walker.
What are you talking about? She turned down|three dinner invitations.
I talked to Vic he gave me a few pointers|and, uh, voila.
Julian, are you telling me that you discussed|your love life with a hologram? He's not an ordinary|hologram, Miles.
He knows about love,|life, women.
Three things you know|nothing about.
Now that's a little unfair.
Well, then why are|you asking advice from a light bulb? I don't know|why you're so surprised.
What did you expect|was going to happen? I wasn't expecting anything.
I see.
How long has it been since Shakaar and Major Kira|broke up? I don't know.
|About a year.
It's been over a year.
You've had plenty of time to arrange a a merger with Kira,|but in all that time, have you even tried to open negotiations?|No.
It's not that simple.
Odo, the woman waited a year|for you to make an offer-- any kind of offer.
Face it.
You've had|plenty of opportunities and you've let them|all slip away.
Who asked for your opinion? You did.
I came here to talk|about a missing shipment of groat clusters.
You're the one who started|talking about the Major.
You want my advice? No.
Make it easy on both of us.
Forget all about her.
Is that the best you can do? I'd like to see someone|do better.
So would I.
You're not exactly the most lovable person|in the galaxy.
You're not even the most lovable person|in this sector or on the station or even in this room.
You are cold rigid, remote.
Can I leave now? Please do.
Wait.
Odo make up your mind.
I need a favor from you.
It's about Dr.
Bashir's|new holosuite program.
You're up late, Doctor.
Yeah.
Can't sleep.
Feeling a bit tense, actually.
I've got just the thing.
One warp core breach|coming right up.
A few sips of this and you'll be relaxed|for the next three days.
I'm not that tense, Quark.
Look, I think I'll just go up to the holosuite for a bit|and, uh-- Holosuite? Yes.
If you could hand me|my new program-- Uh, sorry, Doctor,|all the holosuites are in use.
At this hour? It's been that kind of a night.
I'm afraid there won't|be one available for the rest of the evening.
Oh, that's unfortunate.
Maybe I'll go|and wake up Miles play a little tongo.
I remember back in must have been '58,|I was playing the Sands.
One night, Frank and Dean|dropped by.
We ended up taking over|one of the blackjack tables.
Between the three of us|we must've dropped 15 big ones and believe me, back then,|that wasn't chump change.
So Frank goes over|to the pit boss-- what was his name? Uh-- Look, Mr.
Fontaine Vic.
Vic these stories|are all very interesting but I didn't come here|to reminisce about your past.
Yesterday, when my friends|and I were here you seemed to know things.
I've been around the block|a couple times.
No, you seemed to know|specific things.
For instance,|Dax and Worf are married the Chief misses his wife.
You don't have to be|an Einstein to clue into any of that.
At one point, you were|going to make an observation about|Major Kira and myself.
I thought about it but I didn't want|to embarrass anyone, you know give away any secrets.
Exactly what secrets|are you talking about? Come on-- do I really have|to connect the dots? You're crazy about the broad but you're afraid to do anything|about it.
And she well, you know.
No.
Go on.
It's the oldest story|in the book.
She thinks of you as a friend.
I wouldn't call that a secret.
But women have been known|to change their minds.
You just have|to give them a reason.
You make it sound so easy.
That's because|it's not that hard.
The girl already likes you.
That means you're halfway home.
Well she's aware|of my feelings toward her but the truth is,|she prefers Shakaar.
Who? The First Minister of Bajor.
He's a leader, a hero,|a man with great charisma.
I don't care if he's JFK.
It's not the other guy|you have to worry about.
It's you.
Me? That's right.
I mean, for starters,|you've got to lose this whole Nanook|of the North thing.
I l-I don't understand.
Well, I mean, you've got about as much personality|as an icicle.
Cool is one thing,|but you're frozen solid.
You think I have no emotions.
Oh, believe me, I do.
I just don't always show them.
And therein lies the problem.
Come with me.
Where to? Look, pally, if you|want to win the girl we got to thaw you|out a little bit.
You know, turn up the heat get those emotions|you claim to have bubbling to the surface.
It's time to have some fun.
What does fun|have to do with Major Kira? I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
First|let's lose those threads.
I mean, there's nothing like a tuxedo to make you feel|like a million bucks.
You mean|something like this? Very sharp.
After you.
Oh, uh I don't sing.
Glad to hear it.
I don't need the competition.
What I do need is someone|to handle the black and whites.
My piano player just threw ten sevens in a row|at the craps table and took off for Reno.
So have a seat, my friend.
Crowd's getting restless.
What crowd? That one.
Good evening,|ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Vic Fontaine.
And tonight|is going to be a gas.
Hit it, Nanook.
No.
l-I don't play the piano.
You want to bet? Stay with me, pally.
Well, you don't need me.
The piano's doing all the work.
That's not the point.
|You've got to sell it.
Style, baby, style.
|Make 'em believe.
Style.
Come fly with me Come fly, let's fly away If you can use some exotic booze There's a bar in far Bombay Come fly with me Come fly, let's fly away Come fly with me Let's take off to Peru In llama land,|there's a one-man band And he'll toot his flute for you Come fly with me Let's take off in the blue If I get you up there Where the air is rarefied We'll just glide Starry eyed Once I get you up there I'll be holding you so near You may hear Angels cheer|'cause we're together Weather-wise It's such a lovely day You just say the words And we'll beat the birds Down to Acapulco Bay It's perfect|for a flying honeymoon They say Come fly with me Let's fly, let's fly away Once I get you up there Where the air is rarefied We'll just glide Starry eyed Once I get you up there I'll be holding you so near You may hear Angels cheer|'cause we're together Weather-wise It's such a lovely day Just say the words And we'll beat the birds Down to Acapulco Bay It's perfect|for a flying honeymoon They say Come fly with me Let's fly, let's fly away Come fly with me Pack up, let's fly away.
Whoo! No, it's it's nothing.
Cool! Bottoms up.
Oh, I don't drink.
Why am I not surprised? It's not real booze.
You're in a holosuite, remember? Ah.
So, how'd you like|being in the spotlight? Very bright.
That's all you got to say? Well, the lights kept me|from seeing the audience.
I suppose that's why|I wasn't nervous.
Nothing to be nervous about.
You were too busy having fun.
Well, I suppose I was.
I'm just grateful none|of my friends saw me.
There you go--|tensing up again.
Look at you.
I mean, you're standing there|like a statue.
I mean, the only things you're going to attract|are pigeons.
Sit down.
Relax.
Take a couple of deep breaths.
You do that and everything you want|will come to you.
That's all it takes? Try it.
Go on.
See? Are you expecting someone? Let's find out.
Surprise! Well, for crying out|loud, what are you two lovely ladies doing here? You invited us, remember? Oh, that's right.
|Come on in.
Odo, we've got company.
Look, it's the piano player.
We saw you perform tonight.
Melissa thinks you're adorable.
Would you mind if I|looked at your hands? Show her your hands.
I knew it.
|They're so artistic.
You know, I once played|on the same bill with Liberace.
He has the sweetest dimples.
Are you classically trained? No, actually, uh-- Vic taught me everything I know.
Is he a good student? Head of his class.
Maybe I can help you|get your diploma.
All right, ladies,|the night is young and I have a table waiting|for us at the Dunes.
We're going to see Shecky.
Shecky.
Shecky who? Oh, you didn't tell me|he had a sense of humor.
He plays the piano and he's funny.
Kind of like Victor Borge.
Who? I think I'm in love.
After you, ladies.
Uh, l-I don't think-- What are you worried about? Melissa's a very nice girl.
Oh, no, I'm sure she is.
It's just she's not Kira.
Tell me something.
How do you get to Carnegie Hall? I have no idea.
Practice, practice, practice.
Get it? No.
Think of this evening|as a trial run.
Trust me.
|You're going to do great.
All right.
Captain, here's the report on that smuggling ring|you requested.
Should I forward the information|to the Zevian authorities? I'll let you know in a minute.
No, no, they Can't take that away from me The way your smile just beams Yes, Captain? Oh, don't stop on my account.
Stop what? You were singing.
I was singing? No, no They can't take that|away from me.
You're right.
I was singing.
They can't Take that Away from me We may never -Never meet again|-Never meet again On the -Bumpy road|-Bumpy road -To love.
|-To love.
Lieutenant.
Julian.
Morning.
Ops.
I wonder should you ask Kira|about Shakaar or should I? Why don't you do the honors? But you'll have to wait.
She's staying on Bajor|for two more days.
She and Shakaar must|be having a good time.
That'd be my guess.
Poor Odo.
Odo? What's he got to do|with it? Not a thing.
That's the problem.
Have fun.
Thank you, thank you|for that kind applause.
Keep clapping.
There's a fly buzzing the room and one of you|is bound to nail him.
Why the long face, buddy boy? You still haven't told me what I'm supposed to do|about Kira and Shakaar.
Shakaar?|Forget about that fink.
I'll bet he doesn't look half as good in a tux as you do.
What difference does that make? You've been coming here|every night for a week.
Have I steered you wrong? No.
Then you trust your Uncle Vic.
Ladies and gentlemen we have a very special surprise|for you tonight.
If this babe doesn't raise|your temperature you better check|the obituary column because chances are|you're in it, pally.
Let's have a nice, warm round of applause|for Miss Lola Chrystal.
Never know|how much I love you Never know how much I care When you put your arms|around me I get a feeling|that's so hard to bear You give me fever Remind you of anyone? When you kiss me Fever when you hold me tight Fever In the morning Fever all through the night Everybody's Got the fever That is something You all know Fever isn't such a new thing Fever started long, long ago Sun lights up the daytime Moon lights up the night I light up|when you call my name 'Cause you know|I'm gonna treat you right You give me fever When you kiss me Fever, if you live,|you learn Fever Till you sizzle What a lovely way to burn What a lovely way to burn What a lovely way to burn.
Don't look now,|but I think she likes you.
A toast.
As Georgie Jessel once said "To whatever makes you happy.
" My thoughts exactly.
I'm going to turn in.
You two lovebirds|can live without me, I trust? Oh, we'll manage.
You have a beautiful voice.
And you have beautiful hands.
So I've been told.
They feel good, too.
So do you.
I've been waiting|to hold you like this for as long as I can remember.
We just met tonight.
I must have a short memory.
You're funny.
Kind of like Victor Borge? How'd you know? Ah, I I can't.
I can't do this.
Why not? I'm sorry.
It has nothing to do with you.
Vic? Vic?! What's wrong? This isn't working.
I thought you two were|getting along just fine.
Of course, we are.
You programmed her|to find me irresistible.
I could read her|a criminal activities report.
She'd think it was poetry.
Do you want me|to reprogram her-- make her play hard to get? No.
She's nothing like Kira.
Who's Kira? Of course, she's not Kira.
She's a hologram.
A what? Sweetheart, please,|stay out of this.
Do you know how difficult|it was for me to get a holographic image|of Major Kira? Lucky for you,|Julian used her image in one of his spy programs-- though it did take me an hour to get rid|of the Russian accent.
Look, I appreciate|what you've done for me but I'm afraid|it's all been in vain.
I may be Romeo in the holosuite but I know the first time|I see the real Kira I'll turn back into|Nanook of the North.
At least you're starting|to talk the talk.
No, I was hoping|for a bit more than that.
Wait.
Wait a minute.
You can't give up now.
I'm sorry, but I am tired of discussing my feelings|with a hologram.
You're a hologram, too? Odo hello.
Major.
Anything interesting|happen while I was gone? Interesting? No, no.
Nothing at all.
As a matter of fact, it's been rather dull.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Well, l, uh I'd better get back to work.
Hey, doll face.
You asleep? How the hell|did you get in here? I'm performing next door|for Dax and Worf.
I'm between sets,|so I transferred my matrix from that holosuite to this one.
Now, I don't have much time.
What do you want? We have to talk.
About what? Odo.
What else? Odo.
Come on, Major, don't be coy.
We both know|he's nuts about you.
He told you that.
He tells me everything.
We've been spending|a lot of time together.
Odo spending time|in a holosuite? And loving it.
Uh, I'm sorry.
That's just not the Odo|that I know.
Which tells you what? You don't know him|as well as you think you do.
He's not the same|stick-in-the-mud anymore.
That cat can swing.
Are we talking|about the same Odo? The one and only.
But let me tell you the only chick|he wants to swing with is you.
I take it that's a good thing.
It's love, baby.
Nothing better than that.
How did you get in here again? Don't try to change the subject.
We're talking about you and Odo.
No, that's what you're|talking about.
I'm trying to meditate.
And I don't mean to interrupt.
Good, then leave.
Talk about your cranky aliens.
You two really are|made for each other.
Which is why you've got to come|to the holosuite tonight.
What for? So you and Odo|can have dinner together.
If Odo wants|to have dinner with me then why doesn't|he ask me himself? Because I'm asking you for him and neither one of us|will take no for an answer.
Well then I better say yes.
Crazy.
Odo? Can you hear me? Vic? What are you doing|on the com line? I need to talk to you.
I want you to come|to the holosuite tonight.
Why? I've done a complete overhaul|on the Lola hologram-- or should I say|the Kira hologram? I'm telling you, Odo you're going to think|she's the real thing.
She walks like Kira;|she talks like Kira.
Really? How did you manage|to accomplish that? I don't have time|to explain now.
I'll see you tonight, 9:00-- That's 2100 to you.
I know.
I'll see you then, pally.
I believe|you two know each other.
You look lovely.
Thank you.
So do you.
Mademoiselle.
I'll be your server|this evening.
I'll try not to spill anything.
To begin, a little|Dom Perignon, '55 and some Oysters Rockefeller to be followed by Caesar salad chateaubriand|and cherries jubilee.
This is all very interesting,|but, uh don't you feel a little silly|being here in a holosuite? A bit.
Let me know when you're ready|for the salad.
Bon appetit.
It's French.
An Earth language.
It means "enjoy your meal.
" I didn't know you spoke French.
I don't.
It's something|I learned from Vic.
French is, uh the language of love.
Vic's a fountain of information.
He's certainly a man|of many talents.
But we're really not here|to talk about Vic, are we? I'm certainly not.
Hmm.
I always wondered|what this would be like.
The two of us having|dinner together? It's certainly not the way|I pictured it would be.
It is a bit unusual.
Is something wrong? You haven't touched your food.
No, it-it looks delicious.
l-I'm not hungry.
Truth is I'm a little nervous.
You? Nervous? A bit.
It is our first date, right? Right.
Well, there's nothing wrong|with being a little nervous as long as|it doesn't get in the way.
Of what? Of enjoying yourself.
I thought the only thing|you enjoy is your work.
How'd you know that? You told me yourself.
Well done, Vic.
Vic? Never mind.
I do enjoy my work.
But I'm afraid|I've used it as an excuse to avoid the rest of my life.
I know the feeling.
I've got you Under my skin I've got you Deep in the heart of me So deep in my heart You're really a part of me I've got you Under my skin It's a pretty song.
It is, isn't it? You're sure you're not hungry? I'm sure.
What do we do now? Only one thing we can do.
Dance with me.
l-I'm not sure|I know how to dance to this kind of music.
Just stay close.
You never can Oh, sorry.
No, that's good.
Use your mentality Wake up to reality Whoo! And each time I do Just the thought of you|makes me stop Before I begin 'Cause I've got you I had no idea you could dance.
It's amazing what you can learn|in a holosuite.
I can't believe|we're having our first date in a holosuite.
'Cause I've got you Under my skin.
I understand|that you wouldn't be comfortable at Quark's,|but I know one or two out-of-the-way|restaurants on the station.
Well, I don't think|that's possible.
You embarrassed|of being seen with me? No.
|No.
I meant it would be difficult for you to leave the holosuite.
Why? Well, it's complicated.
Complicated to leave|a holosuite? You make it sound|like I'm a hologram.
Aren't you? Is that what you think? Maybe you'd better tell her.
There's nothing to tell.
I'm good, pally,|but I'm not that good.
You been dancing|with the real McCoy.
You tricked me! And me.
Hey, I brought|you two lovebirds together.
That was whole the idea,|wasn't it? Nerys Kira Major Don't say it.
Computer, end program.
Odo? Are you there? I have nothing to say to you.
Look, I know you think|I sold you down the river.
You lied to me! It was for your own good.
It was time for you to stop|playing around with holograms and start playing around|with the real thing.
You should have told me|it was really Kira.
Would you have shown up|if I had? I don't hear an answer, pally.
If you think about it, there's|not much to be mad about.
I saw the way she looked at you while the two of you|were dancing.
The lady digs you big time.
She "digs" Shakaar.
I can only imagine|what she thinks of me.
I kept insisting|she was a hologram.
Odo, listen to me.
No! I'm done listening to you! Computer, end transmission.
Are you going to tell|me what's wrong? Oh, there's nothing wrong.
Have you ever had a moment|of pure clarity-- a moment where the truth|seems to just leap up and grab you by the throat? I bet this has something to do|with your visit with Shakaar.
Oh, this has nothing|to do with Shakaar.
Now, tell me, have you ever|had a moment like that? One or two, but, of course that's over a span|of seven lifetimes.
Only two moments of clarity|in seven lifetimes? Nerys, total clarity|is a very rare thing.
I guess so.
And when it comes to you it's important|that you act on it because believe me confusion and doubt|will take over before you know it.
You're absolutely right.
Makes perfect sense.
Don't tell me|you're having another "moment of clarity.
" That's two in two days.
That's amazing.
Odo, wait.
Major, if you don't mind I'd like to forget|all about last night.
I don't think|that's a good idea.
We need to talk|about what happened.
Very well, then we can meet|in my office in an hour.
No, let's discuss it|over dinner.
Dinner? Yeah, you can choose|the restaurant.
Anywhere but a holosuite.
What about Shakaar? Do you think he'll approve? Look, I don't care|whether he approves or not.
Shakaar and I are friends.
That's all-- friends.
The First Minister|asked me to update him on the war with the Dominion.
My visit was strictly business.
Now, are we going to have|dinner together or not? And if we do, then what? I don't know, maybe we|could go dancing.
And after that, I suppose|you'll expect me to kiss you.
Well, it's possible.
Well then, who needs dinner? Why don't I just|get it over with and kiss you right now? Well, why don't you? You're right.
Who needs dinner? 'Cause I've got you Under my skin 'Cause I've got you Under my skin.
Here in Vegas,|there's only one way to make sure|you don't lose any money.
The moment|you step off the plane you walk|right into the propellers.
See you|in a few minutes, folks.
Odo.
|Hey, long time no see.
Well, I've been busy.
So I hear.
Julian tells me you and|the Major are quite an item.
Well, for the moment.
Who knows how long it'll last.
That's my Odo-- always ready|to turn victory into defeat.
I wanted to thank you|for all your help.
Anytime, pally.
Anytime.
Hey, you feel like|sitting in on a number? Uh some other time.
Well, say hi|to the Major for me.
Hey, do me a favor.
Leave the program running for a few minutes|after you leave.
I feel like singing.
Whatever makes you happy.
Come fly with me Come fly, let's fly away If you can use|some exotic booze There's a bar in far Bombay It's perfect|for a flying honeymoon They say Come fly with me Come fly, let's fly away Come fly with me Pack up, let's fly away.
Thank you.
Hey, it's been 400 years but that little number|still works for me.
Isn't he terrific? I prefer Klingon opera.
Come on, I'll introduce you.
To a hologram? Uh, Doctor, is this|really necessary? Trust me.
|He's no ordinary hologram.
Vic.
You're terrific.
Great.
Thanks, Doc.
Wonderful.
Very nice.
I know what you're thinking-- he has pretty sweet pipes|for a light bulb.
Light bulb? That's what I am, right? A collection of photons and force fields--|you know, your basic heuristic fully interactive hologram.
He knows he's a hologram? Felix designed him that way.
Thought it would give him|the right attitude for the era.
If you're going to work Vegas|in the '60s you better know the score otherwise, you're|going to look like a Clyde.
A Clyde? A Harvey, you know.
Harvey? A square.
You know what a square is,|right? It's one side of a cube.
Well, I guess|that answers my question.
Where are your manners, Julian? Aren't you going to introduce me|to your entourage? I am so sorry.
Commanders Dax and Worf.
This is Vic Fontaine.
How long you kids been married? How did you know|we were married? When you sing|in as many joints as I have you become a student|of the human heart.
Don't beat yourself up, pally.
Just because you miss|your wife doesn't mean you've gone blind.
What's that supposed to mean? It means there are a lot of very attractive ladies|in the room and it's all right|to look at them as long as you don't touch.
He's good.
And as for you two Yes? Never mind.
|Forget I brought it up.
You have time for another song? Oh, no, no.
|We've got to split, Vic.
Well, you know where to find me.
By the way,|this is a high-class joint.
That means coat and ties|for the gents dresses for the ladies.
You guys look|like a trapeze act.
Catch you later, baby.
Come on, Julian-- you told him about Keiko.
I didn't say a word.
So, why don't we all meet here|tomorrow night at 2100? We can listen to Vic's whole set then maybe hit the casinos play a little blackjack,|roulette.
We'll be there.
|Right? I still prefer Klingon operas.
Well, count me out.
I'm leaving for Bajor|in the morning.
Oh, that's right.
|I forgot.
Say hi to Shakaar for me.
Sorry.
I forgot.
Pretend you didn't hear that.
She doesn't want anyone to know that she's visiting|the First Minister.
Business or pleasure? Ah, you see what you started? I said I was sorry.
So what do you think? About what? About Vic.
|Clever, isn't he? Too clever.
I tell you,|I owe the man, Miles.
If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be dating|Ensign Walker.
What are you talking about? She turned down|three dinner invitations.
I talked to Vic he gave me a few pointers|and, uh, voila.
Julian, are you telling me that you discussed|your love life with a hologram? He's not an ordinary|hologram, Miles.
He knows about love,|life, women.
Three things you know|nothing about.
Now that's a little unfair.
Well, then why are|you asking advice from a light bulb? I don't know|why you're so surprised.
What did you expect|was going to happen? I wasn't expecting anything.
I see.
How long has it been since Shakaar and Major Kira|broke up? I don't know.
|About a year.
It's been over a year.
You've had plenty of time to arrange a a merger with Kira,|but in all that time, have you even tried to open negotiations?|No.
It's not that simple.
Odo, the woman waited a year|for you to make an offer-- any kind of offer.
Face it.
You've had|plenty of opportunities and you've let them|all slip away.
Who asked for your opinion? You did.
I came here to talk|about a missing shipment of groat clusters.
You're the one who started|talking about the Major.
You want my advice? No.
Make it easy on both of us.
Forget all about her.
Is that the best you can do? I'd like to see someone|do better.
So would I.
You're not exactly the most lovable person|in the galaxy.
You're not even the most lovable person|in this sector or on the station or even in this room.
You are cold rigid, remote.
Can I leave now? Please do.
Wait.
Odo make up your mind.
I need a favor from you.
It's about Dr.
Bashir's|new holosuite program.
You're up late, Doctor.
Yeah.
Can't sleep.
Feeling a bit tense, actually.
I've got just the thing.
One warp core breach|coming right up.
A few sips of this and you'll be relaxed|for the next three days.
I'm not that tense, Quark.
Look, I think I'll just go up to the holosuite for a bit|and, uh-- Holosuite? Yes.
If you could hand me|my new program-- Uh, sorry, Doctor,|all the holosuites are in use.
At this hour? It's been that kind of a night.
I'm afraid there won't|be one available for the rest of the evening.
Oh, that's unfortunate.
Maybe I'll go|and wake up Miles play a little tongo.
I remember back in must have been '58,|I was playing the Sands.
One night, Frank and Dean|dropped by.
We ended up taking over|one of the blackjack tables.
Between the three of us|we must've dropped 15 big ones and believe me, back then,|that wasn't chump change.
So Frank goes over|to the pit boss-- what was his name? Uh-- Look, Mr.
Fontaine Vic.
Vic these stories|are all very interesting but I didn't come here|to reminisce about your past.
Yesterday, when my friends|and I were here you seemed to know things.
I've been around the block|a couple times.
No, you seemed to know|specific things.
For instance,|Dax and Worf are married the Chief misses his wife.
You don't have to be|an Einstein to clue into any of that.
At one point, you were|going to make an observation about|Major Kira and myself.
I thought about it but I didn't want|to embarrass anyone, you know give away any secrets.
Exactly what secrets|are you talking about? Come on-- do I really have|to connect the dots? You're crazy about the broad but you're afraid to do anything|about it.
And she well, you know.
No.
Go on.
It's the oldest story|in the book.
She thinks of you as a friend.
I wouldn't call that a secret.
But women have been known|to change their minds.
You just have|to give them a reason.
You make it sound so easy.
That's because|it's not that hard.
The girl already likes you.
That means you're halfway home.
Well she's aware|of my feelings toward her but the truth is,|she prefers Shakaar.
Who? The First Minister of Bajor.
He's a leader, a hero,|a man with great charisma.
I don't care if he's JFK.
It's not the other guy|you have to worry about.
It's you.
Me? That's right.
I mean, for starters,|you've got to lose this whole Nanook|of the North thing.
I l-I don't understand.
Well, I mean, you've got about as much personality|as an icicle.
Cool is one thing,|but you're frozen solid.
You think I have no emotions.
Oh, believe me, I do.
I just don't always show them.
And therein lies the problem.
Come with me.
Where to? Look, pally, if you|want to win the girl we got to thaw you|out a little bit.
You know, turn up the heat get those emotions|you claim to have bubbling to the surface.
It's time to have some fun.
What does fun|have to do with Major Kira? I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
First|let's lose those threads.
I mean, there's nothing like a tuxedo to make you feel|like a million bucks.
You mean|something like this? Very sharp.
After you.
Oh, uh I don't sing.
Glad to hear it.
I don't need the competition.
What I do need is someone|to handle the black and whites.
My piano player just threw ten sevens in a row|at the craps table and took off for Reno.
So have a seat, my friend.
Crowd's getting restless.
What crowd? That one.
Good evening,|ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Vic Fontaine.
And tonight|is going to be a gas.
Hit it, Nanook.
No.
l-I don't play the piano.
You want to bet? Stay with me, pally.
Well, you don't need me.
The piano's doing all the work.
That's not the point.
|You've got to sell it.
Style, baby, style.
|Make 'em believe.
Style.
Come fly with me Come fly, let's fly away If you can use some exotic booze There's a bar in far Bombay Come fly with me Come fly, let's fly away Come fly with me Let's take off to Peru In llama land,|there's a one-man band And he'll toot his flute for you Come fly with me Let's take off in the blue If I get you up there Where the air is rarefied We'll just glide Starry eyed Once I get you up there I'll be holding you so near You may hear Angels cheer|'cause we're together Weather-wise It's such a lovely day You just say the words And we'll beat the birds Down to Acapulco Bay It's perfect|for a flying honeymoon They say Come fly with me Let's fly, let's fly away Once I get you up there Where the air is rarefied We'll just glide Starry eyed Once I get you up there I'll be holding you so near You may hear Angels cheer|'cause we're together Weather-wise It's such a lovely day Just say the words And we'll beat the birds Down to Acapulco Bay It's perfect|for a flying honeymoon They say Come fly with me Let's fly, let's fly away Come fly with me Pack up, let's fly away.
Whoo! No, it's it's nothing.
Cool! Bottoms up.
Oh, I don't drink.
Why am I not surprised? It's not real booze.
You're in a holosuite, remember? Ah.
So, how'd you like|being in the spotlight? Very bright.
That's all you got to say? Well, the lights kept me|from seeing the audience.
I suppose that's why|I wasn't nervous.
Nothing to be nervous about.
You were too busy having fun.
Well, I suppose I was.
I'm just grateful none|of my friends saw me.
There you go--|tensing up again.
Look at you.
I mean, you're standing there|like a statue.
I mean, the only things you're going to attract|are pigeons.
Sit down.
Relax.
Take a couple of deep breaths.
You do that and everything you want|will come to you.
That's all it takes? Try it.
Go on.
See? Are you expecting someone? Let's find out.
Surprise! Well, for crying out|loud, what are you two lovely ladies doing here? You invited us, remember? Oh, that's right.
|Come on in.
Odo, we've got company.
Look, it's the piano player.
We saw you perform tonight.
Melissa thinks you're adorable.
Would you mind if I|looked at your hands? Show her your hands.
I knew it.
|They're so artistic.
You know, I once played|on the same bill with Liberace.
He has the sweetest dimples.
Are you classically trained? No, actually, uh-- Vic taught me everything I know.
Is he a good student? Head of his class.
Maybe I can help you|get your diploma.
All right, ladies,|the night is young and I have a table waiting|for us at the Dunes.
We're going to see Shecky.
Shecky.
Shecky who? Oh, you didn't tell me|he had a sense of humor.
He plays the piano and he's funny.
Kind of like Victor Borge.
Who? I think I'm in love.
After you, ladies.
Uh, l-I don't think-- What are you worried about? Melissa's a very nice girl.
Oh, no, I'm sure she is.
It's just she's not Kira.
Tell me something.
How do you get to Carnegie Hall? I have no idea.
Practice, practice, practice.
Get it? No.
Think of this evening|as a trial run.
Trust me.
|You're going to do great.
All right.
Captain, here's the report on that smuggling ring|you requested.
Should I forward the information|to the Zevian authorities? I'll let you know in a minute.
No, no, they Can't take that away from me The way your smile just beams Yes, Captain? Oh, don't stop on my account.
Stop what? You were singing.
I was singing? No, no They can't take that|away from me.
You're right.
I was singing.
They can't Take that Away from me We may never -Never meet again|-Never meet again On the -Bumpy road|-Bumpy road -To love.
|-To love.
Lieutenant.
Julian.
Morning.
Ops.
I wonder should you ask Kira|about Shakaar or should I? Why don't you do the honors? But you'll have to wait.
She's staying on Bajor|for two more days.
She and Shakaar must|be having a good time.
That'd be my guess.
Poor Odo.
Odo? What's he got to do|with it? Not a thing.
That's the problem.
Have fun.
Thank you, thank you|for that kind applause.
Keep clapping.
There's a fly buzzing the room and one of you|is bound to nail him.
Why the long face, buddy boy? You still haven't told me what I'm supposed to do|about Kira and Shakaar.
Shakaar?|Forget about that fink.
I'll bet he doesn't look half as good in a tux as you do.
What difference does that make? You've been coming here|every night for a week.
Have I steered you wrong? No.
Then you trust your Uncle Vic.
Ladies and gentlemen we have a very special surprise|for you tonight.
If this babe doesn't raise|your temperature you better check|the obituary column because chances are|you're in it, pally.
Let's have a nice, warm round of applause|for Miss Lola Chrystal.
Never know|how much I love you Never know how much I care When you put your arms|around me I get a feeling|that's so hard to bear You give me fever Remind you of anyone? When you kiss me Fever when you hold me tight Fever In the morning Fever all through the night Everybody's Got the fever That is something You all know Fever isn't such a new thing Fever started long, long ago Sun lights up the daytime Moon lights up the night I light up|when you call my name 'Cause you know|I'm gonna treat you right You give me fever When you kiss me Fever, if you live,|you learn Fever Till you sizzle What a lovely way to burn What a lovely way to burn What a lovely way to burn.
Don't look now,|but I think she likes you.
A toast.
As Georgie Jessel once said "To whatever makes you happy.
" My thoughts exactly.
I'm going to turn in.
You two lovebirds|can live without me, I trust? Oh, we'll manage.
You have a beautiful voice.
And you have beautiful hands.
So I've been told.
They feel good, too.
So do you.
I've been waiting|to hold you like this for as long as I can remember.
We just met tonight.
I must have a short memory.
You're funny.
Kind of like Victor Borge? How'd you know? Ah, I I can't.
I can't do this.
Why not? I'm sorry.
It has nothing to do with you.
Vic? Vic?! What's wrong? This isn't working.
I thought you two were|getting along just fine.
Of course, we are.
You programmed her|to find me irresistible.
I could read her|a criminal activities report.
She'd think it was poetry.
Do you want me|to reprogram her-- make her play hard to get? No.
She's nothing like Kira.
Who's Kira? Of course, she's not Kira.
She's a hologram.
A what? Sweetheart, please,|stay out of this.
Do you know how difficult|it was for me to get a holographic image|of Major Kira? Lucky for you,|Julian used her image in one of his spy programs-- though it did take me an hour to get rid|of the Russian accent.
Look, I appreciate|what you've done for me but I'm afraid|it's all been in vain.
I may be Romeo in the holosuite but I know the first time|I see the real Kira I'll turn back into|Nanook of the North.
At least you're starting|to talk the talk.
No, I was hoping|for a bit more than that.
Wait.
Wait a minute.
You can't give up now.
I'm sorry, but I am tired of discussing my feelings|with a hologram.
You're a hologram, too? Odo hello.
Major.
Anything interesting|happen while I was gone? Interesting? No, no.
Nothing at all.
As a matter of fact, it's been rather dull.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Well, l, uh I'd better get back to work.
Hey, doll face.
You asleep? How the hell|did you get in here? I'm performing next door|for Dax and Worf.
I'm between sets,|so I transferred my matrix from that holosuite to this one.
Now, I don't have much time.
What do you want? We have to talk.
About what? Odo.
What else? Odo.
Come on, Major, don't be coy.
We both know|he's nuts about you.
He told you that.
He tells me everything.
We've been spending|a lot of time together.
Odo spending time|in a holosuite? And loving it.
Uh, I'm sorry.
That's just not the Odo|that I know.
Which tells you what? You don't know him|as well as you think you do.
He's not the same|stick-in-the-mud anymore.
That cat can swing.
Are we talking|about the same Odo? The one and only.
But let me tell you the only chick|he wants to swing with is you.
I take it that's a good thing.
It's love, baby.
Nothing better than that.
How did you get in here again? Don't try to change the subject.
We're talking about you and Odo.
No, that's what you're|talking about.
I'm trying to meditate.
And I don't mean to interrupt.
Good, then leave.
Talk about your cranky aliens.
You two really are|made for each other.
Which is why you've got to come|to the holosuite tonight.
What for? So you and Odo|can have dinner together.
If Odo wants|to have dinner with me then why doesn't|he ask me himself? Because I'm asking you for him and neither one of us|will take no for an answer.
Well then I better say yes.
Crazy.
Odo? Can you hear me? Vic? What are you doing|on the com line? I need to talk to you.
I want you to come|to the holosuite tonight.
Why? I've done a complete overhaul|on the Lola hologram-- or should I say|the Kira hologram? I'm telling you, Odo you're going to think|she's the real thing.
She walks like Kira;|she talks like Kira.
Really? How did you manage|to accomplish that? I don't have time|to explain now.
I'll see you tonight, 9:00-- That's 2100 to you.
I know.
I'll see you then, pally.
I believe|you two know each other.
You look lovely.
Thank you.
So do you.
Mademoiselle.
I'll be your server|this evening.
I'll try not to spill anything.
To begin, a little|Dom Perignon, '55 and some Oysters Rockefeller to be followed by Caesar salad chateaubriand|and cherries jubilee.
This is all very interesting,|but, uh don't you feel a little silly|being here in a holosuite? A bit.
Let me know when you're ready|for the salad.
Bon appetit.
It's French.
An Earth language.
It means "enjoy your meal.
" I didn't know you spoke French.
I don't.
It's something|I learned from Vic.
French is, uh the language of love.
Vic's a fountain of information.
He's certainly a man|of many talents.
But we're really not here|to talk about Vic, are we? I'm certainly not.
Hmm.
I always wondered|what this would be like.
The two of us having|dinner together? It's certainly not the way|I pictured it would be.
It is a bit unusual.
Is something wrong? You haven't touched your food.
No, it-it looks delicious.
l-I'm not hungry.
Truth is I'm a little nervous.
You? Nervous? A bit.
It is our first date, right? Right.
Well, there's nothing wrong|with being a little nervous as long as|it doesn't get in the way.
Of what? Of enjoying yourself.
I thought the only thing|you enjoy is your work.
How'd you know that? You told me yourself.
Well done, Vic.
Vic? Never mind.
I do enjoy my work.
But I'm afraid|I've used it as an excuse to avoid the rest of my life.
I know the feeling.
I've got you Under my skin I've got you Deep in the heart of me So deep in my heart You're really a part of me I've got you Under my skin It's a pretty song.
It is, isn't it? You're sure you're not hungry? I'm sure.
What do we do now? Only one thing we can do.
Dance with me.
l-I'm not sure|I know how to dance to this kind of music.
Just stay close.
You never can Oh, sorry.
No, that's good.
Use your mentality Wake up to reality Whoo! And each time I do Just the thought of you|makes me stop Before I begin 'Cause I've got you I had no idea you could dance.
It's amazing what you can learn|in a holosuite.
I can't believe|we're having our first date in a holosuite.
'Cause I've got you Under my skin.
I understand|that you wouldn't be comfortable at Quark's,|but I know one or two out-of-the-way|restaurants on the station.
Well, I don't think|that's possible.
You embarrassed|of being seen with me? No.
|No.
I meant it would be difficult for you to leave the holosuite.
Why? Well, it's complicated.
Complicated to leave|a holosuite? You make it sound|like I'm a hologram.
Aren't you? Is that what you think? Maybe you'd better tell her.
There's nothing to tell.
I'm good, pally,|but I'm not that good.
You been dancing|with the real McCoy.
You tricked me! And me.
Hey, I brought|you two lovebirds together.
That was whole the idea,|wasn't it? Nerys Kira Major Don't say it.
Computer, end program.
Odo? Are you there? I have nothing to say to you.
Look, I know you think|I sold you down the river.
You lied to me! It was for your own good.
It was time for you to stop|playing around with holograms and start playing around|with the real thing.
You should have told me|it was really Kira.
Would you have shown up|if I had? I don't hear an answer, pally.
If you think about it, there's|not much to be mad about.
I saw the way she looked at you while the two of you|were dancing.
The lady digs you big time.
She "digs" Shakaar.
I can only imagine|what she thinks of me.
I kept insisting|she was a hologram.
Odo, listen to me.
No! I'm done listening to you! Computer, end transmission.
Are you going to tell|me what's wrong? Oh, there's nothing wrong.
Have you ever had a moment|of pure clarity-- a moment where the truth|seems to just leap up and grab you by the throat? I bet this has something to do|with your visit with Shakaar.
Oh, this has nothing|to do with Shakaar.
Now, tell me, have you ever|had a moment like that? One or two, but, of course that's over a span|of seven lifetimes.
Only two moments of clarity|in seven lifetimes? Nerys, total clarity|is a very rare thing.
I guess so.
And when it comes to you it's important|that you act on it because believe me confusion and doubt|will take over before you know it.
You're absolutely right.
Makes perfect sense.
Don't tell me|you're having another "moment of clarity.
" That's two in two days.
That's amazing.
Odo, wait.
Major, if you don't mind I'd like to forget|all about last night.
I don't think|that's a good idea.
We need to talk|about what happened.
Very well, then we can meet|in my office in an hour.
No, let's discuss it|over dinner.
Dinner? Yeah, you can choose|the restaurant.
Anywhere but a holosuite.
What about Shakaar? Do you think he'll approve? Look, I don't care|whether he approves or not.
Shakaar and I are friends.
That's all-- friends.
The First Minister|asked me to update him on the war with the Dominion.
My visit was strictly business.
Now, are we going to have|dinner together or not? And if we do, then what? I don't know, maybe we|could go dancing.
And after that, I suppose|you'll expect me to kiss you.
Well, it's possible.
Well then, who needs dinner? Why don't I just|get it over with and kiss you right now? Well, why don't you? You're right.
Who needs dinner? 'Cause I've got you Under my skin 'Cause I've got you Under my skin.
Here in Vegas,|there's only one way to make sure|you don't lose any money.
The moment|you step off the plane you walk|right into the propellers.
See you|in a few minutes, folks.
Odo.
|Hey, long time no see.
Well, I've been busy.
So I hear.
Julian tells me you and|the Major are quite an item.
Well, for the moment.
Who knows how long it'll last.
That's my Odo-- always ready|to turn victory into defeat.
I wanted to thank you|for all your help.
Anytime, pally.
Anytime.
Hey, you feel like|sitting in on a number? Uh some other time.
Well, say hi|to the Major for me.
Hey, do me a favor.
Leave the program running for a few minutes|after you leave.
I feel like singing.
Whatever makes you happy.
Come fly with me Come fly, let's fly away If you can use|some exotic booze There's a bar in far Bombay It's perfect|for a flying honeymoon They say Come fly with me Come fly, let's fly away Come fly with me Pack up, let's fly away.