Star Trek: Lower Decks (2020) s01e02 Episode Script



After we dump this in
storage, let's hit the bar
and see if we can get a cute
lieutenant to argue with me.
Interesting. Why would you want that?
I don't know. Getting some
uptight hunk all wound up
- just gets me all
- ENERGY SPHERE: Supplicate yourselves!
- Ah! What the heck?
- Whoa. It's one of
those transdimensional energy creatures.
Behold and tremble at [GRUNTS]
Quick, Tendi, grab me
one of those canisters.
Wait, shouldn't we call security?
- I will destroy you.
- No, no.
We can use this thing for
all sorts of cool stuff.
Hey, grab the pod. We
can figure it out later.
He's a sentient creature.
Are-are we even allowed
to stuff him in something?
He's a bad guy. He zaps people.
I shall make a feast of your misery!
- No, wait! Don't put me in the pod!
I-I can grant you wishes.
And I'm listening.
I can rearrange air molecules
into whatever you want.
Even one of those fancy new tricorders
- with the purple stripe?
- Ooh, those are nice.
Oh, that would use up a lot of my
- [GROANS] Okay, okay.
Just I'll try.
[GROANS] There.
That's There you go.
- Where's the power cell, dude?
- What, really?
Like I was going to ask for something
that didn't come with batteries.
Okay, okay.
Thank you. [LAUGHS]
FREEMAN: I really got to
think of something cool
- to say when we're going to warp.
- Die, mortal!
Something like "It's warp time!"
What do you think of that?
Is that good for you?

What you watching?
Oh, it's this video of
Vice Admiral Gibson
falling off a stage during
peace negotiations.
You got to check it out.
- Ah, it's classic.
- Guess which command ensign
just scored the best
assignment on the ship.
- Uh, Castro?
- No, not Castro.
[GROANS] Too bad.
- She's the best.
- Castro's overrated.
Just because she served
on the Enterprise
- for, like, one minute
- Ooh, was it P'jok?
That guy can do anything,
and what a snack. [GROWLS]
No! It's me. I got it.
I'm the guy that got it, okay?
I'm gonna be piloting General
K'orin down to Tulgana 4.
K'orin. How do I know that name?
Maybe because he's like
one of the most decorated,
battle-hardened Klingon
warriors in history?
Or maybe it's just 'cause all
Klingon names sound the same?
Like, they all have an
apostrophe for some reason.
Yes. That's it.
Well, clearly I'm being rewarded
for all the hours I log
into the simulator.
Your idea of a reward is an escort run?
Oh, you have the bar set way too low.
What's punishment?
Something actually fun?
What is wrong with you?
Look, all I know is, I'll be
flying down to a bustling,
exotic planet while
you're stuck right here.
Uh, check yourself.
It doesn't get more exotic than this.
All right, nobody talk to me.
I got to brush up on my formal
Klingon greetings, okay?
[CLEARS THROAT] Nuqneh, nuqneh!
Yeah, keep it subtle. Nuqneh.
Well, if you see an unaligned
EPS conduit, don't call me.
Mine are aligned as hell.
Wait, aren't there, like,
a hundred of those?
How long have you been in there?
A solid week.
Crawling through cramped ducts,
prying open panels, and
adjusting red-hot power cables.
Look, look look. I've got
blisters on my blisters.
Oh, wow, you must be
so relieved to be done.
Oh, I'm not done.
Now I get to recalibrate everything.
That's another three,
four days in the tubes!
Oh, but I thought we were gonna watch
the Trivoli pulsar together?
Oh, I did promise you I'd do that.
Well, don't worry. Some
people agree to do stuff
when they don't actually mean
- they're going to do it.
- No, no, no, no.
I'm Starfleet. I never
go back on my word.
Eh you know,
if I quit my job in Engineering
and switch divisions,
I wouldn't have to be
in the tubes at all.
Really?! Oh, you can do that?
- Sure. When's the pulsar?
- 0800.
Ah! This really means a lot.
I don't have a lot of friends yet,
and doing science on my
own really bums me out,
- so thanks, Rutherford.
All right, looks like I just have to
find a new career.
Ooh! Pew, pew, pew.
Good work, gents. Let's
keep her right and tight.
Pew, pew, pew.
At ease, carry on. Sorry.
- What? Mariner?
[MOUTH FULL] Oh, hey,
Boimler. You want some?
What are you doing? Get out of here.
You're getting broth on the controls.
- I got to prep for takeoff.
- Oh, I know. I'm coming with.
You got the same mission
assignment as me? How?
Pulled some strings.
I mean, you made this
sound so rewarding,
I just had to see you
in action. Keep reading.
I'm your copilot?
You're taking on more
work? Just to bug me?
Calm down, man. We can't
have you co-flying angry.
I need you co-calm.
Ooh, nice dress uniform.
- You getting married after this?
- No.
- I wish you would take this seriously.
- I am.
Ooh! This is the new shuttle
with the blast shield. Yeah!
- It's a blast shield, it's a blast shield ♪
- Stop it. No. It-it works.
- It comes down and it goes up ♪
- It works, okay?
- Blast shield! ♪
- You don't have to Stop it. Stop it!
Rutherford, great work on the EPS grid.
[CHUCKLES] I wish I had
more engineers like you.
My life would be a lot simpler.
Uh, th-thanks. Uh, can
we talk for a second?
Just for a second? Don't
tease me. Come on, man.
You're my number-one-
with-a-bullet systems guy.
I got time for you in spades.
I just wanted to let you know
that I'm going to be exploring
other opportunities on the ship.
Are you saying what I think
you're saying, Ensign?
Uh, I'd like to request a
transfer out of Engineering.
Consider your request
granted! [CHUCKLES]
Oh, man, this is exciting.
I'm sure wherever you end up,
they'll be lucky to have you.
- Rutherford! Rutherford!
- Aw, thanks, guys.
- Rutherford!
- I'm gonna miss you. [SIGHS]
- MARINER: Buried alive
- Marooned for eternity Moons of Nibia.
- Ugh. Unbelievable.
Oh, sorry. I keep having
this awesome dream.
General K'orin is gonna
be here any second.
Let me do the talking. I've
been studying him all day.
- Is he single?
- Will you just?!
We need to show him
deference and respect.
General K'orin.
It is an honor to escort you, sir.
Allow me to say
- Nuqneh.
- BOIMLER: Oh, no. No, no, no.
[HIGH-PITCHED] Mariner, what
are you doing?! What? No!
What are you doing? What?
- No!
Starfleet has made you soft, Mariner.
[SCOFFS] Not as soft
as your ngech, K'orin!
Wait, wait, wait. W-W-Wait.
Hold on, hold on.
Do you two know each other?
Yeah. We did some off-the-books
gray ops stuff back in the day.
We're, like, the same
age. Back in what day?
Now they've got you pushing PADDs
on a ship full of children.
- Well, can't beat four weeks' shore leave.
Well, general, as I was saying, Nuq
[GRUNTS] Okay. Yeah, just
holding your sword, then.
I must update you on my many
sexual conquests, Mariner.
MARINER: What, both of them?
Okay, you go down.
There we go.
Where did you even get flagons?
Boy! Land in Little Qo'noS. I want gagh!
Uh, well, my orders were
actually to deliver you
to the Federation
outpost so you could
Copilot, just set us down
in the Klingon district.
The man wants hot worms.
Yes, sir.
Coming right up.
Do you remember Jaxxa Prime,
the commander who didn't believe
you about rectal insectoids?
Ha! Yeah, I got chewed out,
but his ass got chewed up.
Federation shuttlecraft,
this is Tulgana 4 space traffic control.
Landing code challenge epsilon.
Transmitting confirmation on
secure channel gamma sev
Will you two please be quiet
so we don't get shot
out of the sky? Whoa!
Sending confirmation
code now. Thank you.
[GRUNTS] Mm, mm.
Mmm, the smell of a Klingon district.
We'll have to get the
shuttle washed for sure.
If anyone asks, this was your call.
Okay, snippy.
Ooh, yeah, I'm snippy.
Drinking, landing in
an unsecured district?
That's how you choose
to represent Starfleet?
Me and the general are blood-bonded.
It would have been weird
if I acted all stuffy.
He's passed out and he
pooped on his sword.
He's a lightweight. I
mean, don't sweat it.
We'll get him a hot cup of raktajino,
- he will be ready to go.
- Oh, no.
- Oh
- Oh, no!
Oh, no, no, no, no.
The shuttle! The
shuttle! What the hell?!
- No.
- Ha. Classic K'orin.
Ah, he did this on Vulcan. And on Earth.
He steals a lot of things.
We are stranded here
because of your recklessness.
Oh, relax. We can just
beam back to the Cerritos
and remotely trigger
the return autopilot.
Sure, yeah, if Tulgana
4 wasn't protected
by an ion field that restricts
comms and transporters!
Do you even read the mission brief?
I'm sorry, I skimmed almost most of it
and read some of the captions, so
- Dude, where are you going?
- I'm tracking down our shuttle.
If we're not back to it
by the next rotation,
- we'll be court-martialed!
- Don't knock it till you've tried it.
This is serious! I think we're
violating the Khitomer Accords!
Yeah, I don't want to go
to a penal colony either,
but I am not going to speed-walk.
What is this speed-walking?
- You know we're going the same speed.
- Stop it.
It's to conserve energy.
Section 31 does this.
Yes, General K'orin was
here a short while ago.
It was my honor to serve
him a warrior's meal.
Do you know where he went?
- Are you tracking him?
- Oh, well, I, uh
Whew, I think, uh
Uh, no, we-we want to kneel before him
and lick his boots like the
Federation dogs we are.
He went north, in
search of stronger ale.
- He was already wasted.
- [GRUNTS] Is that a problem?
Uh, no. I mean, uh,
drinking to excess is cool.
All right, come on. There's
an Andorian district
just north of here.
So we're Federation dogs, huh?
Hey, if it got us what
we needed, woof woof.
I know this is fun, but we
really need to get back.
I'm not having fun.
MARINER: Geez, these guys are acting
like they've never seen
a Starfleet uniform.
Well, they're Kaelons,
and Kaelons are
notoriously isolationist.
And that [GRUNTS]
- Oh, shoot, sorry. That's my fault.
Boimler, let's keep moving.
No, no, no, I need to
apologize in his native tongue.
Let me think. He's a, uh, a Taxor.
Right, and they communicate
through guttural tones.
Hey back off, blue!
No! Don't hit him! We have a treaty!
RANSOM: You made the right choice
transferring into Command, son.
Nothing compares to the firm,
hot pulse of a joystick in your hand.
The bridge is where the action is.
Should be interesting, sir.
Let's start with a
classic bridge simulation.
Computer, Command Trainer 43.
COMPUTER: Initiating
advanced simulation.
Ensign, the bridge is yours.
Be gentle but attentive. Get
her where she needs to be.
- Guide her home.
- Okeydokey. [CHUCKLES]
Uh, maintain course.
Captain, we're being
drawn into a temporal rift.
- Uh Uh
- Shields at ten percent!
- Warp core breach in 30 seconds, Captain!
- Oh, man.
Captain, we need orders!
Uh, uh maintain course?
COMPUTER: Ship destroyed.
Casualties: 105%
Wait. How did I kill more
than the whole crew?
Okay, that was a rough start.
FYI, in situations like that,
try employing the Janeway Protocol.
Got it. And what's that?
[LAUGHS] Good one.
All right, let's try something
more straightforward.
Computer, Command Trainer 4.
COMPUTER: Initiating
basic training simulation.
Captain, we're directly in
the path of a small asteroid.
Should we move to avoid?
Uh, do the Janeway Protocol.
Uh, are you sure, sir?
- Yes?
- Collision alert, sir.
The kindergarten on
Deck Eight, it's gone!
- Uh, uh
No, no, no. Now the pre-K is gone.
All the ship's children
have been ejected into space.
- All those kids
- RANSOM: Freeze program.
In thousands of simulations,
that's literally never happened before.
Let's try another one, on a
ship with even more children.
I can't believe I messed
up so bad with that Taxor.
I've read, like, five books about them.
Hey, don't sweat it, B. I got you.
That's even worse. You
didn't study them at all.
I study by doing, you know?
Maybe you need to spend
less time in the library
and more time letting Boimler get nasty.
No. I need to up my studying,
spend even more time in the library.
Whatever, man. Just
hang here for a second.
I got to go blood-pee some blood wine,
maybe get some intel on the general.
Oh. I see we both have a thing for red.
- Uh, me, what, red? What?
- Your shirt.
- We match.
- Oh.
Uh, yes, well, this is my work shirt.
- And I'm Ensign
- Ensign Brad Boimler. I know.
I can sense your thoughts, your desires.
[WHISPERS] I know you like jamaharon.
Mariner, what the hell?!
That thing is an Anabaj.
It's gonna implant eggs
in your throat, dummy.
- What are you [SHOUTS]
I know you still want it.
I can hear your nasty boy thoughts.
Jamaharon. This boy wants jamaharon!
Love your sarong.
- You okay, Boims?
- Yeah, I just
I-I've never even heard of an Anabaj.
How did you know?
Affinity for red, drawn
to the weak-minded.
Plus, I kind of dated one once,
but only to make my mom mad.
Weak-minded? [SHOUTS]
An Andorian in the
bathroom said the general's
at a bar just down the road. Come on.
You can tell me about jamaharon later.
Ah, you're doing a bang-up job
with that endocrine system, Ensign.
It's not so different from engineering.
The heart's an engine.
The brain's a computer.
The eyes are a different kind
of computer. No cameras.
- Eyes are cameras. Camera eyes.
- Sure.
Whatever you need to tell yourself.
The next part gets dicey.
Keep him distracted.
Are you sure you don't
want me to reroute
Go chat him up!
That's an order! Tendi, exoscalpel.
Uh, hi. I'm supposed to
distract you from all this stuff
- over here, so
- I'm gonna be okay, though, right?
My implant says there's only
a small chance you'll die.
- What? How small?
- 18%. Oh, uh
Now it's up to 20. You might
want to control that heart rate.
- Oh, God, I'm gonna die!
What the hell are you saying to him?
- Just calm him down.
- Uh, uh
Take your mind off of this.
Uh, think about work.
- Think about the warp core.
- I got burned in the warp core!
Those are dilithium burns?
How are you still alive, man?
You should be dead!
Get out of here! Tendi, take over.
- Wait, but
- [WHISPERS] Sorry.
Don't worry, you're looking
just fine, inside and out.
Oh, my God. Oh, thank God.
That robot said I was dying.
Listen, kid, you're great
at digging around in a body,
but if you can't muster up
some bedside manner,
you may as well be with
the grunts in security.
Welcome to security.
Why don't we throw you into
the fire and see if you burn?
Computer, initiate Combat
Simulation Smorgasborg.
COMPUTER: Initiating.
[SHOUTS] Borg!
Oh, crap. I don't know how to fight.
I don't know how to fight.
Maybe this thing does?
[LAUGHS] O-Okay.
[GRUNTING] Oh, I can do that?
Ha, man. Ha!
[GRUNTS] Take that. Chop, chop, bang!
Karate! Ha, ha.
In the name of the Prophets.
I-I put people into that simulation
so they can learn how
to deal with defeat.
Ensign, you are a natural-born warrior.
Oh. Okeydokey.
Keep your head down.
Andorians don't mess around.
Um, Andorians were a founding
member of the Federation.
Please don't explain them to
me. I can look out for myself.
You want to tell me
about Tellarites, too?
Maybe shut up and keep
an eye out for the shuttle?
- How about that?
No, you're hurting me. Please.
[GRUNTS] My bones.
- [SHOUTS] They're killing him!
- [GASPS] Boimler!
Please, no. I-I can explain.
Explain it to my boot.
Starfleet! I order you to
step away from the elder.
You idiot! That's no elder, it's
- [LAUGHS] Now I'm a little boy.
A shapeshifter? Ah, boo.
That Vendorian is a thief,
and you let him get away!
They must be working together! [GRUNTS]
Oh, no! Aah!
Stand down. This is in violation
of the Tulganan Neutrality Pact.
- Kirk hands!
Hello, alien people.
Alien creatures and beings.
Look up here. Thank you. Okay.
I would be happy to hand you
all your asses, but right now,
we're kind of on a deadline, so
how about instead of fighting,
the next five rounds are on me?
It's cool. I stole it from that Taxor!
[GRUNTS] Excuse me,
sir. I don't know you.
That is Starfleet property
you're handling.
Ah, apparently, we just missed K'orin.
- If we hurry, maybe we can get him.
- I don't even care anymore.
- What?
- Oh, man, how much blood did you lose?
- Ow. [SIGHS]
This whole time, I've either
been one step behind you
or totally in the dark.
Yeah, but only because
I'm pretty amazing.
[SIGHS] Look, everyone has bad days.
All that studying, and
where did it get me?
Klingon threw a knife at my head.
I nearly got eggs laid in my throat.
Those guys at the bar wanted to eat me.
What is that? What are you doing?
Kitalia leaves they
contain a numbing agent.
I've never once seen you
study, but then you just
breeze in here knowing cool plant tricks
and which aliens are which how?
Dude, I told you I've been places.
I just pick stuff up along the way.
I could never do that.
I guess I'm just not
cut out for Starfleet.
Oh, please, you're Mr. Starfleet.
No, I'm not, not like you are!
I should just turn in my uniform and go
- work on a research asteroid!
No, absolutely not. Do
not even joke about that.
That is the lamest thing you could do.
[CRYING] I should just study
bugs on a far-off planet
and then eventually get eaten
and no one will even know
until they stumble
across my distress call,
but it'll be way too late,
and then they'll have to
spend a bunch of time
deciphering how things went wrong
based on my final shaky video logs.
I'm sure you wouldn't get eaten.
Starfleet doesn't just need
badass cool people like me.
They need, like, book-smart
people like you, too.
When we get back, I'm done.
All right, everyone, huddle up.
I want to introduce you to the
newest bear in our bear pack.
Rutherford's blood
runs yellow and black.
He's one of us.
Security isn't like the
other departments.
it's a higher calling.
We stand shoulder to
shoulder, holding the line
against dangers known and unknown.
[REGULAR VOLUME] No greater honor
than to die beside you in battle.
Yes, Rutherford, you're
never going to have to see
the inside of a Jefferies tube again.
Thank you, sir.
This all sounds fun but not for me.
- What?
My heart's in engineering.
I'd like permission to
leave the bear pack.
Rutherford, that is
Got to be true to yourself!
- Am I right, bears?
- Hoorah!
- Aw, bears.
Come on, we got to take a shortcut.
We're almost out of time.
Whatever. Who cares?
I clearly do.
Greetings, "hyoo-mons".
I noticed you are injured.
Perhaps I could provide you transport.
Uh, no, thank you, sir.
[QUIETLY] Yeah, right.
Can you believe this guy?
Actually, yeah, that would be great.
- We're kind of in a hurry.
- Wait, what?
Excellent. My shuttle is
just beyond that ridge.
Come, come.
What are you doing?
We can't trust a Ferengi.
- What? He's not a Ferengi.
- Yes, he is!
- No, I think he's a Bolian.
- Oh, my God!
He could not be more Ferengi
the big ears, the beady eyes,
that greedy thing they
do with their hands.
- Myah.
- Ferengi are
the most untrustworthy
race in the galaxy.
He probably just wants to lure
us over there so he can mug us.
Look, we need a ride now,
and my gut is telling me this is fine.
Need I remind you that you've been wrong
about literally everything today?
Not this.
Uh-huh, sure. Okay, buddy.
- Let's go.
- Good, good.
- Follow me right this
- What's your landing code?
Uh, what?
Tulganan security
requires all shuttlecraft
to provide a secure landing code.
If you really have a shuttle
here, you must have a code.
Oh, my code, yes.
It's, uh, right here!
- Give me your profit!
- Oh!
Aah! Starfleet!
Hey, Ferengi, get-get out of here!
Get! Get!
Okay, maybe you were right. That, uh
that seems like that
might've been a Ferengi.
I was so right, yes! [GRUNTS, GASPS]
Holy crap, it's the
shuttle. It's the shuttle!
- Bye-bye.
- Isn't that illegal?
What are they gonna do,
send me a bill in space?
Fair enough. If we gun it, we
can just make it back in time.
- Oh, man, he drank everything!
- What do we do?
- Grab a leg.
Let's drag him out and
leave him by the front door,
unless you don't think
that's Starfleet enough.
It isn't, but let's do it.
K'ORIN: I demand
you give me an honorable
[SIGHS] Someone contact the Cerritos,
tell them we finally found K'orin.
He is just in time for
the peace accords.
Fetch me my drinking horn. I need ale.
Are you [BLEEP] kidding
me? No! Stop that.
Whew, what a day!
Man, that escort mission kind
of went off the rails, huh?
Sure did.
Can't believe I didn't realize
that was a Ferengi in the park.
Hey, uh, so do you think maybe,
maybe, fun idea, we could
just keep it between us?
For sure. We're in a circle of trust.
This is a shuttle of silence.
- So the Ferengi's right there,
and I'm like, "Mariner,
we can't trust this guy.
He's a Ferengi". And then
she says, she says, get this,
she says, "Oh, no, that's a Bolian".
- Bolian!
- Okay, okay.
Yep, yep, all right.
After this long day of being a badass,
Captain Know-It-All over
here doesn't even know
- what a Ferengi was.
- It wasn't as clear as that.
"Myah, myah, hyoo-mon!"
He was doing the hand thing
and everything.
All right, yeah, no, that's my cue
to go just launch
myself out an air lock.
You guys have a great night.
Lucky I was there! I
spotted it. I called it.
- I called it.
Tendi, I'm sorry.
I tried to make it work
in another division.
I just couldn't do it.
I belong in the tubes.
I'm not gonna be able to
watch the pulsar with you.
All right, whatever.
I'll just watch it in there
with you on my PADD.
Wait, you can? We don't have to go
to the observation deck or anything?
Nah, I just wanted company. [LAUGHS]
I mean, it's not like you were
trying all those new jobs
just to hang with me, right?
[LAUGHING] No, yeah, no.
Could you imagine?
Ah, Mariner, was I
convincing enough for you,
"hyoo-mon"? [LAUGHS]
You were perfect, Quimp.
Thanks for helping out.
Of course. I owed you one.
- How's the wife?
- She's good.
We're actually looking to get
away to Risa this weekend.
What? Ah, jealous.
Oh, you know what you guys
should try? Jamaharon.
Isn't it amazing?
It's beautiful.
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.
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